


Just Breathe

by ValentinesForever1



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: And I freaking love Ann so she's not an awful person in this, Anxiety, Ciel switches between being a little shit and being a meek little lamb, F/M, Horses tho, I don't know how to proofread, I marked it underage for semi-graphic fantasies when he's still not eighteen, M/M, Panic Attacks, Please excuse my constant errors, Sebastian is a teacher look at that, Slow Build, Sorry if my descriptions don't match what you have but this is essentially what I get, and sad things happen to Ciel but not by Sebastian I swear, however while he's an imaginative little babe they don't do the do until he's of age, people do die in this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-17
Updated: 2017-06-30
Packaged: 2018-04-04 20:27:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 21
Words: 179,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4151724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ValentinesForever1/pseuds/ValentinesForever1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ciel has been suffering from panic attacks since he was ten and his parents died in a tragic car accident. Due to his fear of  cars, he must be tutored from home. For his senior year, Aunt Ann hires one Sebastian Michaelis to tutor him and prepare him for the scary world of adulthood.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A New Teacher

It isn’t as simple as people thought. They would talk to him in soothing, placating tones in any attempt to calm him down despite the growing hysteria. His lungs were burning, filled with fire with every breath he sucked in, and he felt the nausea hit him soon afterwards, rolling in his stomach and making him moan. He was aware of a hand on his back, rubbing in slow circles as feet moved back and forth in front of him, pacing.

They called it a panic attack, made worse by his asthma as his lungs protested the strange way he was breathing. Little sobs bubbled in his chest, and his vision was starting to darken along the edges. What little was left was getting hazy with tears as they streamed freely from his eyes. All the while, he could hear her gentle voice right next to his ear, begging him.

“Honey, it’s going to be okay. Just breathe. Please, don’t think about it anymore, and come back to me. We won’t mention it. I’m sorry. Please breathe.” She turned to the pacing feet. “Dammit, Grell, get his medication!”

“I don’t even know where it is!” came the panicked reply. “Does he still keep it in his small box?”

“I’m pretty sure. I need you to bring it right now! That and his phone!” Hands cupped his face and forced his eyes to meet her own red ones. “Sweetie, I just need to you to breathe, okay? As soon as we get your little app, we’ll just follow the breathing exercises on there like we always do and it’ll help you calm down. I know you’re scared, baby, but I need you to calm down and think about this. Please, sweetie.”

Pills found their way into her hands and she handed him them and a glass of water Grell had retrieved at some point. The two of them worked them into his mouth, and he struggled to stop hyperventilating long enough to get the water down for the pills to slide down effortlessly in his throat. He tried to focus on breathing in time to the virtual balloon being blown up on the large screen of his smart phone. It inflated slowly and then slowly deflated without the comical noise it typically made with the volume turned up. There were other gifs and videos to help, but he knew from experience the balloon was the first one and no doubt the easiest to get to in the short amount of time his aunt’s friend had had to find something.

It took nearly twenty minutes for him to completely calm down, for the air to flow easily and his heart to lazily thump against his ribs. He had spent the last ten with his head in his aunt’s lap, burying his face in the comfort of her skirts and trying to use the red colour to block out the grey that was threatening to overwhelm him. He felt exhausted, and sleep sounded so good right now, but he had to focus his attention back on the concerned face that was looking down at him, cherry red lips pursed in worry.

“I’m sorry, Aunt Ann,” he murmured, feeling ashamed that he had collapsed so easily during a discussion about getting him to go out more to avoid the exact incident that had just occurred. Thinking about how she always had to help him pick up the pieces when they shattered, his face became contorted, and a small shudder shook him. “I’m so sorry.”

“Shh, no, Ciel, sweetie, don’t. I am so glad that you let me help when you get like this. It’s okay.” She stroked the navy locks from his face and smiled. “What would you do if I wasn’t here, hm? Panic so much that you pass out? Do you think I would want that over trying to help you through this, honey?”

“Ever since you took me in,” he whispered, “I’ve just ruined your life. I can’t do anything right.” He turned his face towards her body, hiding in her dress and trying to save himself from her pity.

“Ciel Phantomhive, you stop that right now. You have not ruined my life, and telling yourself that will only make your depression and anxiety worse,” she reminded him sternly. “I changed for the better when you came into my life, and getting the chance to parent you has helped me become a more sympathetic person.” She continued to stroke his hair, knowing that the action helped to calm him even more. “I thought the world had ended when your parents died, that God hated me, and it turned out to be quite the opposite. He gave me you, even in all the death. I’m so happy that the one thing my sister was most proud of survived, and she will be proud of you even today.”

“Proud of her freak of a son? Proud that he can’t even go to school like a normal kid without wheezing and collapsing before we get on the road proper?” He sounded defeated, so unlike the bright boy that she knew, that Angelina knew she had to do something. He was drowning in another ocean of pain, and she had to throw him a life boat. 

“Do you think that your mother would be that vain? I’m beginning to think you don’t remember her as well I do.” He looked up at her, insulted and opening his mouth to argue, but she cut him off. “No, the Rachel I knew loved every imperfection a person had, and she loved to comfort those who needed it. She was supportive and never turned her back on those she cared about, and anything she could do or say to help them, she did it.” She leaned down to kiss his forehead. “She would be sitting here, holding you just like I am, and she would no doubt sing for you.” She laughed and shook her head. “I can’t do that, I’m afraid. I don’t want to ruin your ears.” She gave him a smirk. “But I _can_ make a certain nephew of mine his favourite calming drink.”

“Warm milk, Aunt Ann?” he asked, frowning. “That’s for little kids.”

“Perhaps, but I’m sure if you have warm milk with honey…” She shrugged, as if she didn’t know that the proposition was like being offered a second slice of cake for dessert to Ciel. “I’m pretty sure the honey part is very adult-like and makes it totally okay for your dignity.”

He smiled and sat up to throw his arms around her. “Thanks, Aunt Ann.”

That night, however, she didn’t let him off the hook. Her voice gentle, she murmured, “So would you like me to look for another tutor for you? Someone who lives closer?”

“Yes, please,” he said quietly, looking down into his cup and frowning. “If you can. If we don’t have the money-”

“Pfft, Ciel, we have the money.” She shook her head in slight but teasing disappointment as she looked around the kitchen that was in the belly of their huge manor home. “I have told you, sweetie, that money is never something you have to worry about. I’m a well-known doctor, and your parents left you a huge fortune and a home for us to live in should they pass. Using any of the money to pay for your comfort isn’t a problem.”

He took a sip of the second cup of milk and honey, staring down into it. A horrible thought came to him, and he looked up at her. “What will I do about college?” he asked, nervous. “I can’t go to college like this!” 

She slid her hand over his and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “There are such things as online classes, or you could hire private professors as well, I’m certain. After all, with the right chunk of change, those assholes could spare an hour or two to lecture for you and you alone with all the concentration you deserve.” She patted his shoulder and smiled. “And you deserve the best this world can give you. The best teachers the world can give you.”

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

“Shit, shit, shit!” He slammed his hands on the steering wheel in front of him, trying to keep calm even as he looked up at the huge wreck in front of him that would keep Sebastian from reaching the manor he had been hired to start going to every week day to tutor the teenager there. “Son of a bitch!”

Of course, he usually didn’t care too much about wrecks, but after the very tense job interview with the red woman who had introduced herself as the boy’s aunt that had ended with the promise to fire him if anything should go amiss that would make her nephew upset, he wasn’t sure if he could afford to be late. He scanned the area for any flashing lights that would signal emergency vehicles were coming, but it was futile. It seemed like they hadn’t arrived yet, and he couldn’t go anywhere until they arrived and started to redirect traffic.

Sebastian Michaelis liked his job. He got to work with one kid for a couple months or a whole year, teaching them things they couldn’t go to school and learn for whatever reason. His last pupil, a lovely girl named Doll, had a deformity that had made her a target for bullying, so he had taken up the reigns the school system left to him. She had graduated a few months prior, in the spring, along with all of her peers and had made the front page. He’d been mentioned, which was what had put him in Angelina Durless’s sights.

His new student was Ciel Phantomhive, a small celebrity himself. His parents had died in a horrible automobile accident a little over seven years ago, and the ten year old boy had been left a lucrative fortune and the largely successful toy and sweets business his father had started soon after having Ciel. Currently, Funtom’s Board of Directors ran the company, but the heir would inherit it at age twenty-three, after at least a bachelor’s degree in business. Sebastian hadn’t met the boy during his interview, but part of him was curious as to why this rich kid would want to hire _him_ of all people.

The traffic didn’t ease up, and he stared at the clock built into his radio to see that he had less than half an hour to get to work in time. Sighing and preparing himself for his immediate expulsion, he pulled his phone out of his cup holder and unlocked it to get to the phone number for the Durless household.

It rang five times before someone picked it up, a cheerful voice answering, “Hello! You’ve reached the Phantomhive Manor! How can we help you?”

It sounded young, and he wondered if he was talking to his new pupil or not. From what little Ciel’s aunt had told him of the seventeen year old, it seemed unlikely, but who else would answer the phone? Did they have other people on their pay roll? It made sense with how large the estate was. 

Realising he hadn’t answered, he cleared his throat. “Yes, sorry, this is Sebastian Michaelis. I’m Ciel’s teacher, and I was supposed to arrive at eight o’clock today. However, there has been a terrible accident on the highway, and I’m stuck behind it. I’m not sure when I’ll be able to show up.”

“Oh! Then, you’ll have to talk to Ciel. Madam Red has already gone to work, so he’s the one in charge right now. Young Master, there’s someone on the phone who needs to talk to you!” the young voice called away from the phone, eliminating any possibility that he was Sebastian’s charge. There was a low murmur on the other end, and the boy spoke again, “Yes, sir, it’s your tutor. There’s been a wreck.”

“What?!” This voice was significantly different, and it carried a strange panic that had the teacher frowning. There was some shuffling, and breath flooded the receiver. “Mr. Michaelis, are you okay? Were you injured?”

“No, Mr. Phantomhive,” he assured the boy. “The wreck was in front of me, and I’m just stuck in traffic behind it. I called to tell you that I’m not sure when I’ll be in later this morning.”

The sigh of relief made him frown even more. Why was this kid that worried about someone he had never met? After all, it wasn’t like they knew each other, but at the word “accident,” the heir had lost his nerve. Part of him doubted it was just general concern.

“Good, good.” More shuffling, and the light breathing came back like he had switched hands. “Well, we’ll keep breakfast warm for you. Is there anywhere in particular I need to set up in preparation? The last tutor taught me in my father’s study, but the one before that preferred my room.”

He shook his head until he remembered Ciel couldn’t see him. “Whatever works for you, Sir. If you would prefer one room over another, I can accommodate it to meet my needs.” A small noise of joy escaped him. “Wonderful. The police are finally here, with the tow truck and ambulance.”

“Okay, well, you take your time, and drive safely.” Sebastian nodded, and went to speak when the boy cut him off. “Oh, and Mr. Michaelis? Don’t make this tardiness a habit.”

Sebastian stared at his phone incredulously as he heard the obvious sound of the dial tone in his ear. Where had that snotty attitude come from? He’d explained himself, informed his employer that he would be there as soon as possible, and the boy had seemed fine with it up until that last comment. Perhaps the initial shock had worn away, and it had revealed the typical brat that he would be dealing with. Whatever the kid’s issue was, he’d rather it be a one-time deal. If there was going to be more of that, then he would find himself searching for someone else.

He managed to pull into a vacant parking spot at the manor at exactly nine-oh-six, and he grabbed his briefcase and phone out of his car. Hopefully there would be some tea available to him inside since the accident and all its trouble had drained him. He hurried up the steps to the large double doors. He had to say that the mansion was rather impressive to look at, but a lot of his students had mansions or some chateau that they stayed in so that they could stay away from the people their parents considered not good enough.

However, it was the first time the door was opened for him before he even got to the top step. An elderly man stood just inside, a benign smile curving his lips as he stared at the tutor fondly. Sebastian instinctively smiled back, a small bit of warmth enfolding him. The man had a grandfatherly aura to him and seemed like he would be a nice person to work with, and those dark eyes twinkled at him, one behind a monocle. It gave the older man a more whimsical flare and it made Sebastian like him that much more. 

The man bowed slightly at the waist and cleared his throat before speaking in a roughed but still clear voice. “Welcome, Mr. Michaelis, to the Phantomhive Estate. My name is Tanaka, and I am the steward here that takes care of the household and directs the servants.” He walked behind Sebastian to close the door, but the teacher was distracted by movement near one of the archways that lead off to a hall. “The servants are few here, but we are able to get a lot done. If you need anything, please just ring the bell. They should be around here somewhere.” He turned to where Sebastian was looking, and a small knowing smile touched his lips. “Mey Rin, Bard, Finny, you can come out now.”

Three people- a woman, a man, and a teen- came out from behind the wall. The man was dirty blonde and had an unlit cigarette hanging out of his mouth, which was curved in an anxious grin. “Hello, Tanaka, sir. Sorry for spying,” he said as he rubbed the back of his neck. He was dressed in a chef’s white apron, which was sprinkled with discolouration of flour and baking powder. “We heard the car from upstairs and-”

“We were curious, sir,” the boy said. He looked like he was about Ciel’s age, and Sebastian recognised his voice as the one that had answered the phone earlier. It wasn’t deep like many teen’s voices, but he seemed like he was doing fairly well growing. He was wearing a straw hat over his strawberry blonde hair, and there was mud and grass caked on his boots and the knees of his plaid pants. If Sebastian had to guess from his appearance, he could write him off as their gardener or someone who at least ran around outside a lot. “I’m glad you weren’t injured in the wreck, Mr. Michaelis!” he chirped, looking at the teacher with a broad grin.

“Thank you,” the teacher replied with a small smile. They were a little endearing, if not a bit odd. “And I’m pretty sure that no one was fatally injured, so that’s all well.”

“Geez, was the wreck really that bad?” the woman asked. He couldn’t see her eyes well behind the thick, circular glasses she wore, but he was sure that they were wide. “I wonder if it’ll be on the news later.” She pushed her bright red hair behind her ears some more and sighed. “We don’t get those a whole lot back here.” He nodded but frowned a bit when she fiddled with her maid’s outfit a little. It was a more conservative version, not the revealing sort that people dubbed the “French maid outfit,” and her skirt went almost down to her ankles.

“What’s with all the racket?”

Sebastian looked up the long stairs that led straight up to a young teen. He had darker hair that was chopped shorter but with a faint curl to them so that they framed the boy’s face. A few locks slipped out to cover most of one eye and hang over his forehead and the other eye, and Sebastian had the overwhelming urge to brush them out of the way so he could see that frowning face unobscured. His lips were full and set in a slight pout, like he was irritated that people were speaking loud enough to disturb him. Beautiful sapphire eyes were narrowed to take in his servants.

“Bard, please don’t smoke indoors,” he said, seeing the cigarette in the blonde man’s teeth. “Outside the kitchen is fine for your smoke break, but it fills the house with that dreadful stench and makes me cough.”

Turquoise eyes widened in horror. “Of course, young master! I would hate to irritate your lungs!” He bowed immediately, and the teen at the top of the stairs waved him off. 

“Don’t worry about it; just go take your break if you need a dose of nicotine.” The chef nodded emphatically and bowed again before hurrying off. Sebastian cocked his head to the side, trying to read if the exchange had been full of fear of the teen or fear of _hurting_ him. However, his attention was directed to the blonde boy near him as who could only be Ciel said, “Finny, could you please find some flowers to replace those that are wilting in the dining room? I think they’re dying and they need to be refreshed.”

 _So he is the gardener. Good work, Sebastian._ Sebastian watched as a similar scene played out with the young blonde as it had with the smoking chef- bowing and apologies and a hurried exit. That left the maid, Mey Rin, who seemed nervous as she fidgeted and tried to figure out what she was supposed to be doing.

Ciel noticed and sighed. “Mey, the sheets still need to be changed if you could do that, please. Aunt Ann also needs you to look over the catalogue for the tea sets to see which one was the set you broke. Just leave a little note in the magazine, and we’ll order them.” She nodded and scurried off with a smile, glad to be doing something. They watched her go, and a hush settled over the room.

The teen seemed to finally notice his teacher had arrived and smiled slightly at him. “Hello, Mr. Michaelis. It’s nice to see that you were able to get here. I have set up everything in study, if you’ll follow me.” He walked slowly down the steps and towards the hall that the servant had originally hidden in. “Tanaka, could you please get something for him to drink?” He looked back at the tutor standing still in the foyer. “We have tea, coffee, water, and anything else. Have you had breakfast yet?”

“No, Sir, but that won’t be necessary.” He smiled. “Tea would be appreciated, however, if you have any Earl Grey.” Ciel nodded and then glanced at Tanaka, who understood and went off in the direction Bard the chef had travelled. The teen then began moving again towards the study, and Sebastian followed him, not wanting to lag behind and get lost. He’d seen the outside and had known that he’d have to be careful, lest he end up lost like the Trancy Incident.

Inside the study, Ciel sat down at the large mahogany desk and kicked his feet up on its surface. “Sit, Mr. Michaelis, and tell me about yourself,” he ordered, a smile curling at his lips and making Sebastian feel like he was some mouse that the boy was going to play with. He willed his heart to calm and took the nice armchair that sat in front of the desk.

“Well, I’m twenty-six years old, and I’ve been working as a tutor since I graduated college six years ago. I did graduate early but that was through taking many courses in high school and then cramming them for four years after I graduated shortly before my seventeenth birthday. My mother encouraged getting an education and wanted me to do my best in whatever way possible, and I chose education. I like to learn and I like to help people learn. I have worked with nearly a dozen kids, some who have disabilities and can’t go to school and some who feel that learning with other kids is beneath them. I specialise in Latin and History, but I enjoy Science and English just as much. Unfortunately, I’m not as good at highly complex Math.” He tried to give the boy his best reassuring smile. “But I do believe that Calculus is well within my grasp and can be taught to you with ease. 

“As I’m sure your aunt has told you, I will be teaching these as well as a few business classes. Math and Science is for Monday, Latin and English will be Wednesdays, History and Politics for Thursday, and your Statistics and Marketing classes will be Fridays. We decided to give you Tuesday, Saturday, and Sunday off to give you a break to do whatever you would like. After all, you’re young and no doubt need time to social and get out there to spread your wings-”

“Cut your bullshit.”

Sebastian’s smiled slipped from his face at the harsh command, and he looked up into blue eyes that were once again narrowed at him. Those lips were pulled into a bratty scowl, and Sebastian wondered whether the earlier comment on the phone hadn’t been a one-time occurrence. Currently he was looking at a very pissed off seventeen year old who looked every part the snotty aristocratic brat.

Still, he had to be polite to his employer. “I beg your pardon, Sir? Did I say something to offend you?”

“I’m not a child, Mr. Michaelis, I don’t need you to give me free days as breaks to ‘spread my wings,’” Ciel snapped, using his fingers for air quotes. “No, I want you to schedule in Finance for Tuesday and leave the weekend for me to study. Be here by eight o’clock every morning, and you may leave shortly before or after afternoon tea, depending on whether you would like to stay for that. If the commute is too much every day, you may move into the manor for the week and leave on the weekends for your home. I expect you to be here for breakfast and lunch and to eat with me, and Bard will prepare meals rather than you bringing anything from home. Your pay check will be given to you on Fridays on your way out the door, and you can do with it as you will.

“As an employee of the Phantomhive Estate, I expect you to behave in a way that properly reflects my name and my aunt’s. If you want to go out to town for whores and whiskey on the weekend, do it discreetly. Public indecency of any sort will reflect badly on all of us here. All servants obey this rule and have managed to keep a spotless reputation for the many years we’ve employed them. I expect you to do the same, even if you are only here to teach me lessons. You’re on our pay stub and therefore are our responsibility.

“If all of that is too much for you, you may go, and I will inform my aunt later that we will find someone else. You are technically not under contract of any sort, so your resignation will not be opposed,” he finished, a tiny smirk finding its way onto that cocky boy’s lips.

If he were a lesser man, he would’ve been cowed by that little speech. Yes, while it was unexpected that he would be dealing with what was obviously going to be a temperamental little snob, it wouldn’t have been the first time, so he managed to keep his cool exterior even when his blood was boiling on the inside. It infuriated him that the kid thought he could just roll over him like that, but, Sebastian reminded himself, Ciel really could. After all, _he_ was the one being instructed, not Madam Red, and she had seemed to leave the extra day open more as a gift to her nephew. She probably could do little if he was going to be ungrateful enough to cast it aside. The whore and whiskey part didn’t bother him either, since he knew how these rich families worked, and he just brushed that aside as something that had probably happened in the past.

So, despite the fact that the little shit probably thought he was going to cop out and run for the hills, he just smiled and replied, “No, I think I will be fine. If you would like to get on with today’s lesson, I believe we have already been delayed enough. I apologise again for that, seeing as I hadn’t planned for the wreck at all.”

Ciel frowned but nodded, the smug smirk gone as he realised he hadn’t bested his tutor. Sebastian smiled even more. _Ha, ha, you little brat. Try that one on for size,_ he thought victoriously as he stood and made his way over to the stack of books and the mobile white board. _I do not quit over childish little games. Never have, never will._

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ciel stared at his tutor over his glass as they sat on opposite ends of the massive dining table. The adult was very delicately trying to swallow Bard’s awful cooking, which made Ciel want to laugh at his tiny little grimaces. His order to only eat Bard’s cooking had been to try and weed him out further, since the poor chef had no idea how to properly use the stove or oven and tended to singe things rather than cook them. If Mr. Michaelis couldn’t handle that much, then how could he deal with working for the Phantomhives?

The tutor had shocked Ciel earlier with his willingness to just accept the orders given to him in what had been nothing more than a power struggle, but perhaps this man was stronger than he looked? He had hinted that he was a possibly genius, so he was probably just smart enough to pick his battles. Whatever his reason, Ciel wanted to know what was lurking behind that polite mask of his.

Classes had gone well so far, even after the morning’s little hiccup, and he had to commend the man for his ability to explain the material effortlessly and without the assumption that his student either knew the material already or that he was stupid enough to warrant explanations of things Ciel should know. He was absolutely business-like and delivered his lecture on Calculus and Physics like he had multiple students that didn’t have individual needs such as more time for taking notes.

He applied the same business-like façade to the crispy meal in front of him. His eyes wondered to the side of the room from time to time, no doubt catching onto the fact that the chef was lurking in the shadows near the dining room entrance and waiting for the slightest of complaints on the fare provided. Bard probably knew his cooking was mediocre, knew the only reason he was still employed was his willingness and ability to take care of Ciel if the situation requires it. All four of his servants could, if need be.

Thinking on that, Ciel asked, “Do you have any first aid-knowledge? Can I trust you to give me CPR, for instance?”

The teacher appeared almost glad for the distraction from his meal. “Yes, they were required in the training I needed for my lifeguard job during my freshman year of college.” He smiled, the expression innocent and patronizing at the same time. “Rest assured, young Mr. Phantomhive, that you will not choke and die in my presence.”

Ciel glared at him, wanting to knock that stupid look off the smug bastard’s face. Still, he’d answered the teen’s question, so he sucked it up and continued to eat, only satisfaction coming from the slight annoyance in his tutor’s eyes when he realised the lapse in conversation meant he would have to start eating again as well. With every slight frown or forced swallow, Ciel’s joy grew.

_This guy’s going to be gone before I can even crack open my Stats book_ , he thought with a smirk hidden behind his hand.

After lunch, they went back to Physics which consisted of Sebastian drawing diagrams and equations on the board at breakneck speed during his lesson and Ciel scribbling down notes, punctuated by the occasional and begrudged question on the material. While business and math courses were his stronger points, he couldn’t say the same for the sciences he’d learned over the years. His only comfort was the sight of equations, all nice and beautiful and simple once he manipulated them and added numbers.

The lesson ended around one, and Sebastian left at two, after a miserable tea of crumbly, darkened scones and weak Earl Grey tea. Ciel and Tanaka saw him out, and the boy breathed the tiniest bit easier after he was gone.

The tutor seemed resilient and calm enough to hold his own against Ciel, for which he was thankful. He didn’t want to add Sebastian to the growing number- thirteen, after Mr. Kelvin- of tutors that had given up on him and run for the hills at the slightest sign of Ciel gaining the upper hand. Aunt Ann had tried numerous times to get him to just go back to school because never leaving the house was just ignoring his condition instead of trying to cure it.

Said condition was his anxiety, which had started up shortly after the accident that had stolen his parents from him and left him alive even though he didn’t understand the reason. As the vehicle rolled, Ciel had been ejected out the window and left in the gravel in a barely conscious daze. He had wished that he had been able to pass out like the doctors said he should’ve because he didn’t think he'd ever forget the sight of the family’s car going up in a fire explosion that had made the ground shake beneath his ten year old body.

The image burned behind his lids whenever he closed them for any long period of time. It tortured him into an attack at night, especially when the dreams made him think he could see either of his parents desperately trying to free themselves, calling out for help moments before their car combusted. He’d wake up screaming, unable to breathe as he tried to chase their pleas out of his ears and fight up the ever present survivor’s guilt.

Since that night, he couldn’t ride in cars without having a panic attack. The ride home from the hospital had taken three tries; he’d start to see flashbacks, his heart would race at a thousand miles a minute, and he’d ruined the interior of his aunt’s very nice car all three times. The doctors had finally realised they needed to sedate him long enough to get him home, and Ciel had never travelled in a car since. In fact, he hadn’t even rode in a vehicle with an engine since that ride home. Every time he tried was accompanied by overwhelming fear and the sight of bright red fire.

His psychologist, an old friend of Ciel’s father named Diedrich, visited him every week, and they had tried to get him back into cars every way that the man knew. At one point, both he and Ciel had agreed that flooding would be best, and he had taken Ciel on a ride to the store after calming him. It had worked for all of three minutes before they passed a corner that had seemed so much like the one his parents had turned before almost colliding with that idiot teenager. Needless to say, they’d pulled over, and Ciel had walked home after he’d calmed down.

It was humiliating. He was the heir to a huge, multimillion conglomerate, and he couldn’t even get in a fucking car of all things. It didn’t matter how many times Aunt Ann had assured him that he could run the business from the manor; he wanted to fight this foolish fear and get his life back. He was over his parents’ death as much as he could be, but it seemed that he couldn’t get over their cause of death. Survivor’s guilt, post-traumatic stress, and whatever other term the German psychologist liked to use wouldn’t ease the rumours and chatter that no doubt ran rampant in the business world whenever the Phantomhive name came up in conversation. It made him look weak, and Ciel had decided a long time ago that he wouldn’t be weak.

“I’ll be in the library, Tanaka,” he said, already heading there. The elderly steward nodded, smiling slightly in a way that put Ciel at ease. It was the same smile he’d gotten from the servant since he was a kid, and it reminded him of happier times rather than the worst day of his life. “Please bring any mail that comes and inform me when Aunt Ann is on her way home.”

“Of course, young master,” Tanaka replied. “Would you like me to bring you some more tea in an hour?”

“No, thank you. I’ll just be jittery, and I need to concentrate on this.” He got a nod in return and made his way to the large library that took up a good half of the south eastern wing of the first floor. The books inside had been passed down for generations, and he was sure he could find some answers in one of the tomes it held. 

If not, he would just keep searching.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I switched fandoms like that. I suppose I'll jump back and forth between my darling countries and my darling English babes, but for now you get some Kuroshitsuji! I've been in it for about three or four months now, and this kind of came when I decided to spit out whatever wanted to pop up on Microsoft Word for the moment.
> 
> It is loosely based off the panic attacks I sometimes get. Not for the same reasons, but that is where a lot of the description comes from. Some of the exercises are things I use to keep calm. Others are ones I've heard of.
> 
> So enjoy some lovely Ciel and Sebastian, and we get the forbidden love of a TeacherxStudent couple.


	2. Moving Right Along

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Ciel pushes Sebastian's buttons, and Sebastian pushes Ciel too far.

Madam Red came home to find her nephew curled up in his father’s favourite chair in the library, fast asleep with a book dangling from his fingertips. She stopped short in the doorway and gestured to Grell to wait in the hallway. Ciel tended to be pretty proud when he was calm and collected, and he hated people seeing him in moments of weakness. Even after one of his attacks, the day after was spent ignoring that it had even happened, and she was sure that he wouldn’t want even her best gal pal that he’s known since he came to the two redheads’ waists to see him like this.

She very carefully pulled the book from his hand before it tumbled onto the carpet and she put it on the end table beside him. He had his knees tucked up on the seat, the hand that hadn’t held the book fisted under his chin to keep his head upright. He was either really tired from his lessons with his new tutor or whatever he’d been reading about had bored him to the point of exhaustion. She wondered what he’d fallen asleep to and flipped the book over so its cover faced up.

_Ciel, what are you planning?_ she wondered, frowning slightly. It wasn’t something that he had previously showed any interest in, and it wasn’t something that made sense in this day and age. After all, they’d been gone long before _Angelina’s_ parents. Still, he was no doubt up to something, and she was going to wait until he told her before jumping to conclusions. He had a habit of thinking of really interesting things when he was in one of his moods, and it tended to do well whenever he thought to pitch it to the Board.

“Madam Red, sweetie, what’s going on?” Grell asked, poking her head in. Ann turned on her heel and very quietly shushed her, but Ciel was thankfully a very deep sleeper. Understanding dawned in those green eyes as they fell on the sleeping teen. With a small smile, she mouthed, “He’s so cute!”

Ann nodded and made her way back towards the door. There hadn’t been gooseflesh prickling his arm, so he didn’t seem to be cold, which made Ann feel better that there wasn’t a blanket she could drape over him like any clichéd good parent would do. However, respecting his wishes, she closed the door behind her and followed her friend out into the hall. Grell pouted, no doubt a silent lament to her inability to take photos as she liked to do, but Madam Red just shook her head. Ciel would kill them both if someone saw him like that- whether in person or captured digitally.

“So,” Grell asked once they were far enough that their voices wouldn’t wake Ciel, “what’s the deal with him? Usually he’s up and about and being the little cutie he is.”

“Oh, well, he started his lessons again, so he’s probably tired. Meeting new people is a game for him nowadays so that he can put off the right image or whatever, and he tends to tire easily. Plus, I don’t think that he has completely recovered from the other day.”

“You’ve lost me. What happened the other day?” came the slightly annoyed reply. “Did something juicy happen the other day and you didn’t let me in on it?”

“He just got really worked up. He didn’t have a full on attack, but Diedrich came over for his weekly session, and they tried to talk about the accident.” She shook her head, even as rage filled her once again. That stupid German idiot had _demanded_ that she leave the room when she went to help Ciel calm down, giving her some stupid “I’m his therapist, I calm him down,” argument at the same time threatening that he could turn her in for threatening Ciel’s safety or something awful like that. She had left, of course, not wanting to risk him actually reporting her, but part of her was tempted to just find another therapist.

When they had come to her in the hospital that December night seven years ago and told her that her nephew was in the ICU, that his parents had died on the scene, and they needed her to sign off for the procedure, she had literally gotten sick. The shock had been too much after getting off the phone not even an hour ago with her sister, brother-in-law, and their beautiful now ten-year-old boy so she could wish Ciel a happy birthday. They had ended it, saying they were going to the mall to let Ciel spend his birthday money and would be stopping by the hospital on the way home so Ciel could see her in person and thank her for the cute little pirate and sailor outfits she’d found for him on her trip in Paris that summer.

Pirate and sailor outfits he had never worn and probably sat in the back of his closet, unless they were some of the many things that had been shoved in the attic of the mansion when Diedrich had said they made him remember things too much. In the early stages, Ciel had to avoid anything that reminded him of his parents or that night, or he’d have a flashback. It had scared her, then a new parent trying to figure out how to properly take care of her traumatised nephew, and those had been the days that she’d bought every morsel of advice Vincent’s old friend from private school had thrown her way.

Now she was smarter. Seven years had given her time to consult different people online, to figure out what seemed to work with Ciel when he got too far gone to calm down with some cleansing breaths, to actually get her own system in place, and she no longer took everything Diedrich said as the gospel truth. In fact, it seemed at times he allowed Ciel to push himself too far, to drive him into a panic- a few times quite literally driving him into a panic, which had finally pissed Ann enough to cancel their sessions for a month or so. Then, Ciel had asked her to let them try again, his blue eyes so much like Rachel’s and burning with the same determination in them that her late sister’s would whenever she hit one of her sick spells when they were kids. She had been hopeless and had relented.

But she hated that man to no end.

First of all, he strolled in the house like he owned the place- interrupting Ciel’s lessons, pushing him beyond his limits, getting lippy with her for just being concerned, asking Mey for tea as soon as he arrived like she was _his_ servant or something. She was a _maid_ for heaven’s sakes, not his personal errand girl, and she was there out of pure dedication to Ciel and Ann in honour of the Phantomhives’ memory, just like Bard and Tanaka. Of course, she was paid and her living quarters hadn’t been taken from her and the others just because Vincent and Rachel had died. They did what they were supposed to with only a couple hiccups, and they kept Ciel company when Ann couldn’t.

Her nephew needed someone to stay with him, to make sure he was okay, and she would be lying if she said she hadn’t toyed with the idea of taking a break from her job for a while when he was younger. However, Ciel had caught wind of it when he was about thirteen and was at the age when he knew the answers to everything, and he had threatened to run away if he had to spend all day with her.

“ _No_ ,” he had told her sternly, “ _you’re going to keep going to the hospital and do what you love and stay away from me._ ” She had started to object, but he’d cut her off with a nonchalant remark that had made her look at the four people who worked for them- Finny had started part time at that time and then full time two years ago when he turned eighteen- in total awe and admiration. “ _Besides, if I get bored or lonely, I just ring the bell._ ”

So, she had sucked it up, ignored the guilty feeling in her gut, and let him do what he thought was best. Her only comfort was that Finny had joined the staff, since he seemed really good at helping Ciel to stay calm when the need arose and Ann couldn’t. While he had worked part time at the Manor during the week, he had also volunteered at the hospital on the weekends in the pediatric clinic, which was where Ann had met him. He loved Ciel like a brother, and the younger teen seemed to at least internally feel the same if Finny had the ability to put him at ease even without a breathing aid like Ciel’s app. 

“Girlfriend?” Grell asked, waving in front of her face. Ann blinked out of her thoughts and looked at the frowning red head. “You okay, sweetie? I’d hate to think I’ve been talking to myself about that hot guy that started working with me for the last ten minutes. Are you with it?”

“Sorry,” she apologised. “Just plotting Diedrich’s death in a variety of colourful and painful ways.”

“Mm-mm, I am disappointed in you, Madam Red.” Grell shook her head and rolled her eyes, and Ann prepared to be chewed out for accidentally tuning her best friend of five years out. However, the energetic woman surprised her with a huge grin. “Everyone knows the only colour you need for murder is red!”

Unable to resist, Madam Red laughed, glad she at least had a co-conspirator if the going ever got tough. “And black- for the trash bags to put the body in.”

Her friend shook her head with a thoughtful expression. “I’m sure we could find red trash bags on the internet. If we’re going to plan a murder, we’ll plan it right!”

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sebastian stared at his student in shock, not entirely sure how to process what he was asking, even though he knew that it was a perfectly ordinary question that people in close proximity throughout the week tend to ask at some point. Still, he wasn’t sure the reason for the teen asking, and that immediately made him cautious. After coming to the Phantomhive manor for nearly a month, he learned to always suspect what Ciel’s reasons were.

“Well, are you or aren’t you?” the frowning boy asked as he crossed his arms over his chest. Sebastian’s ruby eyes noted that slender, pale fingers itched on Ciel’s arm, like he was nervous or something, and he was even more intrigued. For someone as proud as him, Ciel didn’t seem like the type to be nervous about anything or anyone. But there were his fingers, drumming then tapping then just playing along the fabric of his black dress coat in a classic case of nerves. 

“No, I am not currently in a relationship,” he finally admitted. “I haven’t been for a couple years now.” His last relationship had been with a little prick named Claude who had a penchant for getting way too rough in love making. While it had been fun some days, it was hard to explain to students and parents why he had large, hand-shaped welts on his face. He didn’t see Claude anymore, which was probably good with how pissed the man had been over being dumped.

He got a nod. “Good, then you can do something for me,” came the silky reply. The boy stood from his seat at the long dining table where Bard had served them breakfast not ten minutes ago and walked over to his tutor with a slight smirk. Sebastian’s heart raced, not liking the tone the boy used, especially after that incident with one of his previous students soon after he started this business. The young girl had developed that gross teacher crush some people have, and he’d had to politely stop going there. She started off using a voice just like the one his current student was using now.

Blue eyes latched onto him, freezing him place with an expression that told him that he should run, he should be running far, far away, but his muscles had locked in place. At twenty-six, Sebastian knew that expression, and he had hoped that it wouldn’t be directed at him by one of his students ever again. It was like he was a little morsel about to be snatched up by a glutton, sweet enough to appease this boy’s sweet tooth. Ciel came close enough to throw his arm over the back of Sebastian’s chair and lean down in his face, and the tutor prepared himself to ward off any advance. 

“Move into the manor.”

Time slowed, then halted completely, and then came roaring back as he just stared stupidly into those navy eyes that were sparking in amusement. He obviously knew how close he was to his teacher, and he knew exactly what the man had thought was going to happen. His smug little look assured Sebastian of that. However, considering their noses practically touched, could anyone blame him?

“I beg your pardon,” he said, trying to save some face but knowing it was nearly impossible. “But you’re asking me to just-”

“Pack up your shit in that pathetic little apartment you call home and move into one of the servant rooms of the manor? Yes, that’s exactly what I’m _telling_ you to do. You won’t have another incident like the one this morning, I can start lessons at seven rather than wait for you to get here whenever you feel like showing up, and Madam Red can finally see you in action.” He straightened and chuckled at Sebastian’s still tense body. His eyes flashed mischievously as he added, “Were you hoping I would say that I wanted to give you head or something? My, my, do we have a dirty mind or what, Mr. Michaelis?”

He felt a bead of sweat roll down the back of his neck, but he forced himself to smile in the way he knew pissed the teen off. “Well, with someone who’s constantly in a position of authority over horny teenagers, do you blame me? I’ve had to fight off students before, Mr. Phantomhive.”

“What did you call me?” Ciel demanded, and Sebastian internally sighed. His stupid superiority complex had finally manifested itself completely when, only two weeks ago, he asked Sebastian to start calling him either “young master” like the other servants or “my lord.” It pissed him off, but at the same time, it made the boy more cooperative in his lessons instead of the reluctant little shit he tended to morph into when his wishes weren’t obeyed.

In fact, that morning when Sebastian had showed up ten minutes late because he’d overslept, his bratty student had chewed him out and threatened to dock his pay. It hadn’t been too bad and certainly hadn’t interrupted the breakfast Ciel had at exactly eight every morning. Sebastian had nearly walked right back out the door, but then he had caught Tanaka’s eye, had seen the strange concern in those old eyes, and had just swallowed his pride. A handsome pay check was a handsome pay check, and he’s put up with worse for less money.

“I apologise, my lord. I was still out of sorts and forgot myself,” Sebastian mended.

“Hmph, see that you don’t ‘forget yourself’ again. If you can’t obey simple orders, then I can’t have you around.” He snatched a piece of burnt bacon from Sebastian’s plate. “Now, when are you moving in? I can send Finny and Bard home with you this afternoon, and you three can begin moving stuff over tonight.”

“I’m not sure me moving here would be good, young master.” He tried to give the boy his best apologetic expression. “It just wouldn’t be proper, especially since I won’t be teaching you a year from now. You will be in college, and I will be without a job or a home.”

“And why can’t you just find another home after you’re done?” the boy asked, clearly not taking no for an answer. “I’m sure you’ve moved for work many times. Besides, that little shithole you call home isn’t even as big as this room.”

“It is all I can afford at this current moment in time. Teaching isn’t what I would call a rich profession, and not everyone has the money the Phantomhives do to spend on teachers.” He drummed his fingers on the arm of the chair. “Besides, I have gotten attached to my apartment, and I do not think I could fit all of my furniture into one of the servant rooms you have here. Then, I would be required to pay for storage or to sell belongings I rather enjoy.”

“I am ordering you to move into this mansion, Mr. Michaelis!” Ciel snapped. “I hate repeating myself!”

“You can’t just order me around all the time!” Sebastian finally snapped, standing and ignoring the loud thud as his chair fell backwards. “I am your _teacher_ , remember? Not your butler, not your steward, not your lackey! Your aunt’s name is on the checks, not Ciel Phantomhive. If you think that I will just stand here and let you scream in my face all day, you’re sadly mistaken!”

Brushing past Ciel, he made his way to the door. He took his coat from Tanaka in the foyer, sliding it over his suit even as Ciel came racing in behind him. His face was beet red, lips pulled into an almost snarl as he glared at his teacher. Sebastian spared the startled servants on the steps and Tanaka one last look before nodding to the elderly man.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Ciel demanded, following him to the door. “Sebastian, answer me!”

“I’m going to the place you so kindly dubbed ‘the little shithole I call home,’ of course.” He let Tanaka open the wide doors and began to walk out on the steps, taking a breath to figure out how to make his lungs work again. His chest felt tight, and he tried to imagine the phone call he was going to have with Madam Red later. She would no doubt be furious or, even worse, would beg him to come back.

He was still followed by the little brat.

“You’re not going anywhere! Today is Thursday, and I am expecting your lecture on the history of Israel. Sebastian, are you even listening to me?”

“Yes, I am listening, but I am choosing to leave you to your rampage,” he answered, pulling his car keys from his pocket and unlocking the doors. “I will speak to your aunt later this evening; tell her to expect my call. Hopefully this is the last time you will have to see me.”

With that, he slid into the driver’s seat. Ciel stood in front of his door, knocking on the window and attempting to open the door. Sebastian pushed the tab-like lock down on the top of his door, effectively keeping the boy out. A smile threatened to tug at the corners of his mouth at how helpless the boy looked, and it was even harder to keep at bay when the boy became even more determined.

It wasn’t so hard to stop his smile when Ciel opened the door to the seat behind him and slid into his car. Sebastian turned around in his seat, rage filling him as he saw that stupid smug look. He wanted to throttle the boy, but he couldn’t with Finny and Bard hurrying down the steps and in plain sight of the car. He could barely hear their shouts of “Young master, stop!” over the soft humming from Ciel as he lounged in the back seat.

“This is fucking ridiculous,” Sebastian barked. “Get out of my car- _now_.” When the teen didn’t move, he faced front again and decided that he would just scare the little punk out. “Fine, then you’re coming to the hospital with me. You can explain your actions to your aunt, and I can quit then and there. Put your seat belt on.”

Ciel did as he was told, and Sebastian frowned as he heard the soft little click. Still, the boy probably thought he was bluffing, which meant that he had to show he was being about as serious as a heart attack. Sebastian turned on the motor and put the car in drive.

The reaction was a little jerk in the backseat. He turned slightly to back out of the parking space and sneak a peek at the boy’s face. He expected determination and some of Ciel’s usual cockiness. After all, he was the one who was being the little shit and winding Sebastian up. He expected to see the expression of a boy who had probably waited for this day since his teacher started a month ago. He expected to have to grit his teeth and fight curses the entire way to the hospital after seeing a victorious smirk.

He did _not_ expect to see a flash of unease in those eyes. Nor did he expect to see the angry red splotches that had coloured Ciel’s cheeks to be exchanged for ghost white. There was no victorious smirk, only a shaken expression that was covered up with a tacked on smile when he realised he was being watched. Sebastian was curious, but he didn’t want to give the brat the satisfaction of stopping and going inside.

So, despite the fear he saw in the other two servants’ eyes when he started for the road, he drove. He ignored a final panicked shout from Finny, who would no doubt run inside and tell Tanaka or Mey to call the police, if he hadn’t already. No, he had said he was going to drive Ciel to the hospital, and he was going to stand by what he had said. 

Only, it was getting increasingly difficult to ignore the little gasps for air that were coming from the backseat. Or the small, breathless whines he could hear plain as day. It was distracting him from his driving, but he was able to block it out until Ciel started speaking, his voice tiny and scared.

“Please, please stop,” he begged. “I-I can’t do this.” The tutor glanced at him in the rear view mirror, and he was shocked to see Ciel had blanched even further than before and had sweat just rolling down his face. His hands were clawing at his chest, clinging onto the shirt that was sticking to his skin from all the perspiration. “Se-Sebastian, _please_.”

He was cautious until he saw the wide, fear-stricken eyes that stared at him, and he immediately stopped the car. Thankfully, they were still on Phantomhive property, so he could just switch the engine off and jump out of his car. He yanked the back seat’s door open and tried to remind himself to breath with what he could see plainly now.

The twitching he’d seen earlier definitely had been a nervous habit because Ciel’s fingers were splayed over his chest, nails digging into the cloth of his shirt over his heart as he rubbed in a shaky attempt to calm the pulse Sebastian could see was jumping in his throat. He grabbed the boy and pulled him from the car. His fingertips were turning a shocking blue, coupling with his lips, even though the boy was gasping like a fish out of water. Tears streamed down his face, dampening Sebastian’s shirt along with the sweat that had drenched the boy.

_What the hell is going on?! I just started to drive the car, and suddenly he’s freaking out. God, I think he’s having some sort of panic attack!_

As the idea seemed to take hold, he realised he had to get the kid to calm down and breathe again. He was aware of shouting at least a mile away from the manor, but he couldn’t wait for them to get here or else Ciel would lose more oxygen. He had no idea how to even begin to calm him down, but he started by cupping his cheeks and tilting the cold, clammy face up so their eyes met.

“Ciel, I want you to calm down, okay? You’re losing important oxygen, and you’re going to pass out if you don’t get some soon. Do these happen often?” He got a slight nod, barely distinguishable from the trembling. “All right, I need for you to breathe with me. It’s very simple and shouldn’t be too hard for a smart boy such as yourself to do.” He smoothed his hands down the expanse of the boy’s back, feeling the muscles jump beneath his palms. 

“Okay, we’re going to breathe in for two, hold for two, then let out for two.” He tried to adjust the boy so that he wasn’t slouching and his airways were clear. Skinny arms were bended above his head and held there as Sebastian held the boy’s eyes. “Breathe for two,” he said, inhaling with the boy. “Hold for two. Yes, that’s it; now exhale for two. Good, good boy. You’ve got it. Now, we’re going to inhale for four, hold for four, and exhale for four. Can you do that for me? Yes?”

They repeated the process until they were up to sixteen. Then, Sebastian could hear shoes pounding on the asphalt behind him. He saw Finny approaching out of the corner of his eye, but he refused to break eye contact with Ciel. Even if his breathing had calmed slightly, the sweating hadn’t stopped, nor had the tears. His heart was still thumping heavily in its bone prison from what he could tell with his hand on Ciel’s back, and he knew that even the slightest mention of whatever had triggered this could speed that heart beat right back to the racing staccato it had been.

“I have his medicine, Mr. Michaelis!” Finny said, roaring up beside him. “He needs to take this with some water!”

“There’s water in my car. It’s warm, but he needs warm water right now anyways. The more energy his body can save, the better.” He accepted the bottle and the pills and held them out to Ciel. “Can you take these? Do you need help?” A timid shake of the head was all he got as trembling hands picked up the medicine and popped them in his mouth, following it with a large swig of the water.

They sat like that for a while, Ciel’s head resting on Sebastian’s shoulder as Finny stroked his hair and the tutor’s hands sliding slowing up and down the expanse of his back in as soothing a manner as possible. Thankfully, it was still rather early in the day, so the sun didn’t make sitting down in its direct path that difficult. No, the three of them had all the time in the world that it took to get calmed down. Sebastian forced himself not to speculate about the whys and just focus on making sure the heart that slowly beat in the boy’s chest stayed slowly beating.

He wasn’t sure when his student had fallen asleep, but he turned his head at one point to look down at his face, only to realise that it was relaxed and his lips were parted as he softly snored. Finny’s concerned face eased slightly, no doubt encouraged by the colour that had filled Ciel’s cheeks ever so slightly, but when Sebastian stood, Ciel in his arms like a tired toddler, and began to move back towards his car, Finny shook his head fervently and stood between the teacher and his vehicle.

“Cars. That’s what trigger them. The last time he went an entire car trip was on his way from the hospital, and they had to drug him. He’s ended up like this every time since,” the gardener said quietly. “If you want, I can carry him back to the manor, and you can go home.”

_Home? Why the hell would I go home?_ Sebastian wondered, frowning, until he remembered his dramatic exit from the house that had led to all this. His heart squeezed in his chest as he realised how stupid that had been to not let Ciel out as soon as he saw him turn white the first time, and he shook his head, softly saying, “No, I will carry the young master back to the manor. You drive the car back, okay? The keys are still in the car. You do know how to drive, correct?”

“Yeah, I had to drive all the time when I was in school and did part time at the hospital.” He hopped in and gave Sebastian one last look. “Please be careful with him. He’s usually pretty drained after one of his attacks.”

“I will.”

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ciel woke up to slender fingers gently brushing the hair out of his face. It was dark in his room, so his curtains were drawn or it was late at night. Looking up and seeing his aunt’s pinched face, he realised it was the latter. A soft sigh escaped him, and she echoed it. He wanted to fight his caress, but all his limbs were heavy with sleep and didn’t want to move. Besides, it felt nice and was similar to how his mother used to sooth him after a nightmare or during an especially stormy night.

After a while, Aunt Ann murmured, “Mr. Michaelis told me what happened. All of it.”

“Did he resign?” Ciel asked even though he was scared of the answer. As much as he loved screwing with his teacher, the man had comforted him and helped him through his attack despite how horribly Ciel had treated him.

Thankfully, Ann only smiled. “No, he and the boys are downstairs moving furniture. He decided to take you up on your offer to move in, and they went over to grab everything he would need. Some of the stuff he has to leave there and sell with the apartment, but I gave him the old butler’s quarters so he could fit what he wanted in it.” She kissed her nephew’s forehead and sighed. “I expected him to quit as well, after he was done telling his story. You’re very lucky he has thick skin, Ciel.”

“I know, Aunt Ann,” he whispered, and a stupid tear rolled down his cheek without his permission. However, he felt too exhausted to put up his normal “Nothing can hurt me” façade, and who else could he look weak around besides his own flesh and blood? “I just wanted someone to listen to me, you know, and I got used to hearing him agree that when he refused to move in, I got irritated.”

“You insulted his home. That definitely wasn’t the best step in getting him to agree with you.” She smiled and booped his nose in an attempt to make him smiled before wiping away the tear with the sheets. “Now, we’re having dinner in about an hour. I ordered Chinese since Bard was helping Sebastian and Finny, and I picked up your favourite.” She stood up and went to toward the door, but he sat up.

“Are you mad at me, Aunt Ann?” She froze, turning on her red, stiletto high heel as confusion spread across her face in the dim light. “I almost chased away my teacher, and I practically set myself up for what happened by not getting out of the car. I knew what would happen, even if he didn’t. It’s my fault.”

She frowned and went back his bedside, cupping his face in her warm hands. “You can stop that right now, young man. I mean it.” He closed his eyes against the burning pricks of tears, and she pressed her forehead to his. “You were scared. I know you well enough to know that you hate it when a teacher you like has to leave, and you’ve talked about Mr. Michaelis enough for me to know you like him just a little. You barely mention the ones you hate, and you’ve never offered one to live here. You like spending time with him, and you were worried that he was really leaving for good.”

“That makes me sound desperate,” he grumbled, making her let out a little huff of laughter. “But I suppose I do like him a little. I don’t feel like an invalid when I’m around him, and Kelvin rubbed me in all the wrong ways as soon as he found out that I hated cars.” He sighed. “I feel, I don’t know, normal.”

“You are normal, Ciel.” She kissed his temple. “You’re more normal than you let on. This anxiety isn’t something no one else in the world has experienced, and I’m sure that people just like you can agree that you aren’t an invalid because of it.”

“Why can’t I do normal stuff then? My peers are out getting driver’s licenses and buying new cars, and I can barely look at one without flinching. Even Lizzy can hop in her Volkswagen without a moment’s hesitation.” Lizzy was his eighteen year old cousin who liked to stop by sometimes when she had a spare moment. She’d graduated in May and was currently enrolled in the local university for nursing. She and Ciel had been close as children, but friendships are hard to maintain when you can’t go out and do stuff together.

“Well, Lizzy isn’t you. And, yes, I’m sure there is definite hesitation when she’s driving, just like the rest of us.” She pulled away to look him in the eyes. “I’ve ridden in the car with her a thousand times, and I have to say she’s more affected than you believe. The moment she gets in, she turns off her phone and doesn’t even glance at it.”

“That doesn’t sound like her,” he murmured, trying to imagine his sociable cousin disconnecting herself on purpose from her circle of friends.

“No, it doesn’t, but apparently every time she gets in a car with her friends or by herself, all she can think of is that teenager who was texting and driving when they swerved into the wrong lane in front of your parents. It scares the hell out of her.”

“Oh.” He chewed on his bottom lip, feeling guilty. “Are you guys the same?”

“Yes, definitely. Geez, Ciel, you think I’m not hyperaware the moment I get in a car? If I wasn’t, I could risk getting into an accident, and I’m not risking leaving you alone again. I couldn’t do that to you.”

He grabbed her shirt in his fist and burrowed himself in her chest. Assuring himself that it would never happen, he banished the paranoid thoughts that sprung up at the mere mention of her getting into an accident. She wrapped her arms around him and sighed, rubbing her cheek against the top of his head like a little cat.

That’s how Tanaka found them, and they pulled apart at the sound of him clearing his throat. Ciel felt his cheeks burning, but Madam Red was as cool as ever. “Yes, Tanaka? What’s the matter?”

“The man from Panda Express is here. I went to pay him, but he says he needs your signature since you used your card,” the steward answered, aging face showing off its wrinkles as he smiled. “While you do that, would the young master like my assistance in dressing for dinner?”

Ciel looked down at his clothes to realise he was in pyjamas. “Who dressed me, Tanaka?” he asked quietly, ashamed to realise he had slept soundly enough that someone had managed to get his clothes off from before and slide on new ones.

“Finnian did. Your clothes from earlier were soaked in sweat, and we agreed it would be bad to keep you in them. Mey washed them and hung them in your closet earlier today. I can put them back on you if you would prefer those, or we can choose something else.”

“Just get me out a shirt and some jeans,” he murmured. He looked up at Ann who gave him one last kiss on the forehead before going downstairs to get the food. Ciel sighed and slid out of bed. “Do I have lipstick all over my face, Tanaka?”

“Only a little, young master,” the steward admitted, turning on the lights. “Thankfully it is later in the day, and it does not seem like Madam Red reapplied after her meals today.” He put out the clothes on the corner of Ciel’s bed before heading to the connecting bathroom to retrieve a wet cloth. Ciel pulled off the button down night shirt and then stepped out of their matching pants. With a soft sigh, he dressed in the clothes Tanaka had taken out for him. Typically, if anyone helped him, it was Finny since the gardener was only three years his senior and thought of Ciel as a younger brother.

With Tanaka’s help, they removed the lipstick and all the traces of sleep from Ciel’s face. He took the brush his steward held out and ran it through his locks. The bangs flopped over half of his face like usual, and he tucked them behind his ear. He was too tired to try and see past them tonight, and he was half tempted to go back to bed and tell his aunt to put his chicken and sweet sauce in the fridge for him to eat the next day for lunch. However, he’d already skipped all his normal meals besides what little he’d gotten from breakfast before everything had gone down. His gut was screaming at him to go down and eat something or it would start on the lining of his stomach.

So he and the steward made their way to the dining room where Madam Red, Sebastian, and three servants were eating. It was a general rule that while most of the meals were just Ciel and Ann, unless the teacher of the year was staying, dinner was something all of them enjoyed together. After all, it gave them that time to enjoy a small breach of the servant-master wall that was usually erected between them. That, and Ann used it as the time to interrogate the servants about their and Ciel’s day.

She was right in the middle of telling Sebastian about the last time they’d had Chinese and the woman who’d delivered it had barely worn a uniform long enough to cover all the necessities, and Ciel sat beside her as she lifted her fork to say, “I could probably see her vagina if I had bent over just a little.”

“Aunt Ann,” Ciel spluttered, eyes going wide as he cursed himself for coming in at the wrong time.

“What? I’m a gynecologist. I can say vagina if I want to. Would you rather me use any of the other colourful synonyms I’ve learned over the course of my career?” She smiled at him and jabbed him lightly in the ribs with her elbow. “I got your chicken and there’s rice over by Finny, if he feels like sharing. After this, I got their donuts and some fortune cookies because what’s the point of a stereotypical ‘Chinese’ restaurant if you don’t sample the sweets?”

“True,” he admitted. He looked down at the steaming sweet and sour chicken on his plate and smiled slightly. While it wasn’t the most exotic thing the local Chinese place had to offer or that Ciel had eaten from there, he liked it best because they put the effort into it. Ann had also made sure to add their steamed vegetables to his plate without asking. At his frown, she just shrugged.

“You’re a growing boy, Ciel. You need your fruits and veggies.” She patted his head, and he growled softly.

He turned to see Sebastian halfway through a plate of orange chicken and rice. “Hey, Mr. Michaelis.” Sebastian’s red eyes found his, no doubt shocked that he’d addressed him, and Ciel smiled just a little as he said, “Thanks for earlier. I’m sure that wasn’t in the job description and it probably scared the hell out of you.”

The teacher swallowed what was in his mouth before smiling back. “Well, it was my fault for just taking off. My anger got the best of me, and it wasn’t very professional. Please forgive me.”

Ciel waved him off and felt his aunt’s hand rest on his shoulder. “Forgiven, forgotten. At least we reached an agreement. Do you like your new room?”

“Yes, it is very nice. Thank you.” He gave Ciel a slightly worried look. “You are feeling better, young master, right?”

“I’ll be better tomorrow,” he answered. “Don’t worry about me.” He tried to add a silent plea to that, and Sebastian must’ve noticed because all signs of concern or- Lord forbid- pity disappeared and were replaced by a wide smile.

“Of course, sir. I was just hoping you would be up for a double lesson tomorrow.” He took a bite of rice, chewed slowly as Ciel tried to process that, and swallowed before clarifying, “We never did talk about the history of Israel.”

He got a smirk in return, one that Ciel couldn’t have kept at bay if he’d tried. “Of course.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoa, both of you need to stop being such prideful jerks. I'm sorry for doing that to you, but still.
> 
> Yes, I'm one of those "Grell's a transgender lady, and that's who'll she'll be in my story." Sorry if you've got a problem with that, but actually not sorry.^^' Also, Ran Mao is in fact the delivery girl with too much in danger of hanging out.
> 
> I will say I don't usually proofread my stuff (as you probably figured out if you read Streaks of Red) but decided that this one needed it. Still, if you see mistakes, just tell me because writers overlook stuff.^^'
> 
> *Also, I don't usually post two chapters at once. My house is experiencing internet issues once again, and I ended up typing two chapters in the time it took to find somewhere to post them.^^


	3. A Friend and a Favour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A visitor stops by the manor, and it raises some questions in the teacher's mind.

“Mr. Sebastian!” Finny cried, his eyes wide and distraught as he passed the man on his way into the kitchen. “Please, sir, you have to help me!”

Sebastian sighed, but at least Finny had stopped calling him “Mr. Michaelis” in the three weeks he’d spent living in the manor. However, the added “Mister” would still get on his nerves. He was all for the respect of titles when it came to his students, but when he was around the servants of the manor, he couldn’t understand why they didn’t just call him by his name and be done with it. After all, they were co-workers and the only ones higher than them were Tanaka, Madam Red, and Ciel.

He glanced at his watch to see that it was thankfully an hour before the latter would be up and about. The teen stuck to a strict schedule of waking at seven-thirty- despite his original desire to start lessons as seven, Sebastian noted- then breaking his fast at eight. Then, they would begin their lessons, or he would go about his day. Sebastian woke with the sun, realising it would be better to wake and get at least a cup or two of tea in and make sure everything was ready for the lessons. Also, despite them now living in the same house, Ciel expected him to be as immaculately dressed as he had been in the month before moving in- perhaps even better than before, since he no longer had to deal with the commute. Not that he truly minded, but it made him want some extra time for himself in the morning between getting ready and dealing with the teen, who was still as bratty as ever.

“What is it, Finny? Has something happened in the gardens?” he asked, feeling a headache coming on. Geez, and Ciel hadn’t even woken up yet. His only answer was an emphatic nod, which made him sigh loudly. “Well, what is it?”

“The deer! The deer got to the apples, and now there’s at least three trees that have all the leaves eaten off of them.” He ran his fingers into his strawberry blonde hair and shook his head. “We need those for the young master’s desserts, and now three of our trees are dead!”

_What the hell am_ I _supposed to do about it?_ Sebastian wondered, shaking his head. He had no idea how to revive the dead trees, and it wasn’t like he had any authority to make an actual decision on the matter. However, those turquoise eyes were staring up at him like he had all the answers in the world.

“How many trees are left?” he asked, starting from there. “After all, three isn’t a whole lot.”

“We have twenty apple trees, fourteen pear trees, and a couple plum trees,” Finnian announced happily, standing proudly. However, his face crumpled as he looked down at his boots. “Well, we _had_ twenty apple trees. Now we only have seventeen.”

“You’ll have plenty of apples left for the young master’s treats,” Sebastian assured him, settling a hand on his shoulder. “And, you should ask Bard to wait outside when he has a spare moment with his rifle. That rifle that hangs over the entryway is his, isn’t it?”

Finny giggled while he shook his head, as if Sebastian had said the funniest thing he’d heard all week. “No,” he chirped, “Mey Rin is the sharpshooter! She can hit a bull’s-eye with her rifle from four miles away. She used to work for a body guard company before she was hired here.”

“Why on earth would Madam Red need a body guard, especially one who doubles as a maid?” Sebastian wondered aloud, frowning. Ciel never left the house, and he doubted that Madam Red was popular enough to require protection of any sorts.

The joy in Finny’s eyes dimmed. “Oh, well, she was hired before Madam Red took over the manor, back when it belonged just to the young master’s parents.” Something dark flashed in the boy’s eyes, and he frowned. “Apparently there was a kidnapping scare, and they realised perhaps he would need people that were trained to keep people safe. So, they hired Bard, who is ex-military, and Mey Rin. They doubled up on jobs soon after the cooks and maids left seven years ago.”

Sebastian nodded, suddenly understanding why Bard was such a lousy cook and why it seemed Mey couldn’t make a bed to save her life. They were never meant to hold those positions and had attempted to adapt to save Madam Red the trouble of finding new cooks and maids. He would remember that the next time he tried to choke down the man’s food or when he had to remake his bed because the sheets were on backwards _and_ upside down.

“Well, tell Mey to do it. That way we can have venison as well for Bard to play with.” He tapped his chin thoughtfully. “In fact, with those snap peas that are in the fridge and the peppers, we could probably have a stir-fry.”

“I’m not sure if Bard knows how to do that,” Finny said quietly. He was still frowning, and Sebastian tried to put that smile back on the lad’s face. He looked strange without it.

“Well, I’m a decent chef, not to toot my own horn, so I don’t think it would be too hard to teach him. After all, I’m a teacher, and I might as well spread my knowledge farther than the young master.”

_That_ got Finny to smile. “Cool! I’ll go tell Mey and Bard!” He practically skipped out of the kitchen, and Sebastian sighed with relief. As much as he liked working with the boy, he could be a little dramatic.

He glanced over at his tea where it was seeping. There were two plates beside it, stacked with crispy bacon and already broken sunny-side-up eggs. He frowned as he realised this was his and Ciel’s breakfast and glanced back at the door. Perhaps if the cook got back before Ciel woke up, Sebastian could teach him how to make breakfast as a start to the cooking classes?

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ciel woke up to the sound of someone opening his door. His eyes snapped open as he sprung up. He hadn’t meant to fall back asleep, but he hadn’t slept well and the pillows had called for him again after he’d shut off his alarm. Glancing at the iHome, he realised that it was already eight-twenty-three, and he turned in shock to the door.

“We were wondering if anything was wrong,” Sebastian said with a faint smile, “but it seems that you merely overslept.” He studied his pupil for a moment before giving him a sympathetic nod. “Looks like you needed it, young master.”

“I’m fine,” Ciel snapped, too tired to control the bite in his tone. “I’ll be down in a couple minutes, so tell Bard to put the food on the table.” He glared at his teacher until the man got the cue to leave.

When he did, he nodded again. “Okay. Are you okay with tea this morning? I’m sure it would better for you than coffee.”

“Sure, fine, whatever. As long as breakfast is ready by the time I get down.” He slid out of the tall bed started for his closet. He felt those garnet eyes still on him, so he added, “You need to leave if you expect me to start getting ready, Mr. Michaelis.”

“Of course, my lord. My apologies.” 

Ciel was relieved to hear the click of the door shutting, and he rested his head on the door of the closet as he tried to catch his breath. He hated oversleeping since it left him disoriented for the rest of the day, always tardy in whatever he did because of another hour of sleep that he shouldn’t have had. He wouldn’t rush breakfast, but that would mean that lunch would be delayed, he would have tea soon afterwards, and he’d probably be starving by the time he got to dinner. Thankfully it was a Tuesday so they only had the one lesson, but Sebastian no doubt would be trying to cram it in the same time frame. Finance wasn’t hard for Ciel, but his new tutor required him to learn a lot of things many of his other teachers had failed to see as important for him to know.

So, with a frown, he began pulling out one of his soft button up shirts and its matching vest. Next, he grabbed a pair of casual slacks that had been well worn and wouldn’t chafe his skin. He didn’t want to deal with uncomfortable clothes today, so he opted out of his normal ribbon tie and settled on just a clip on bow tie. Madam Red had picked it up at a birthday party for one of her patients, saying that he needed to wear more red anyways.

He came down the stairs at around eight-forty-five, huffing slightly as he attempted to calm his wild bedhead. Even after brushing it for the last five minutes and using water to help him, it still refused to lie flat on his head. He nearly ran into Mey Rin on the way down, and she apologised before he waved her off and kept going. If he didn’t get it sorted before Michaelis realised it was a problem, the teacher would tease him about it all day or, worse, try to fix it himself.

Thankfully he passed Tanaka on his way to the dining room, and he tugged on the man’s sleeve. Dark eyes widened slightly as they took in his predicament, but Ciel held a finger to his lips so that the steward knew to keep quiet about it. It made the man look ready to laugh, but he just took the brush and began to carefully attack the problem.

They still hadn’t completely fixed it, but they’d waited long enough to eat, and his stomach was rumbling. It was just a slight bump that stuck out, and he was determined to ignore it as he walked past Sebastian. He took his normal seat at the head of the table and settled his napkin onto his lap. He picked up his fork and stared down at his plate, eager to quiet his stomach.

He stopped at he truly looked at what he was about to eat, not quite recognising it. Ciel frowned and stabbed at the unburst fried eggs on his plate. After he determined that, yes, it was an egg and, no, it didn’t appear to be store-bought, he picked up a piece of bacon. It was still red, believe it or not, and it stayed intact when he squeezed on it a little, unlike the normal slices which were brittle and crumbly. He also had a small pastry that was a soft, golden brown that was way beyond Bard’s ability to make.

When he glanced up at Sebastian, the bastard was smiling at him. No, not smiling, he was _grinning_ , like he was amused more than someone should at seeing their student inspect this new and startlingly edible breakfast. He was already halfway through his plate, the eggs gone as well as half of his bacon. However, he was missing the pastry pocket that sat on Ciel’s plate.

“Where did all of this come from?” Ciel demanded. He looked at where Bard was shadowing the doorway. “Did you make this, Bard?”

“Yes, young master!” he gloated. “Sebastian helped since the other breakfast had gotten cold, and apparently I’ve been cooking bacon wrong all these years.” He shrugged and smiled at the teacher, who shook his head before taking a sip of his tea.

“No, please, all I did was suggest that you use the stove rather than the oven,” Sebastian stated as he set the cup back down on the table. “After all, it’s easier to cook when you can see how your food is faring.”

“And then you made the delicious turnovers!” Bard objected. 

“Well, thank you. I’m glad you like them. They’re something I learned how to make when I was in college. It’s quick to eat and easier to carry if you’re rushing off to class.” He smiled and started back on his bacon.

Ciel wanted to complain. Honestly, it proved how conniving the man could be, especially since the only thing he had made himself was absent from his plate. He wasn’t breaking Ciel’s order that he only eat Bard’s food, after all, and the teen had never specified that he couldn’t help the chef cook.

He sighed and picked up the bacon again, nibbling on the edges experimentally before taking an actual bite. It wasn’t perfect but it actually tasted like bacon, so he made a small sound of appreciation that had Bard beaming once more. He started on another piece and ignored the whispering from the hallway. It seemed that today was destined to be a bit odd.

Sebastian seemed to realise halfway through his lecture that his pupil was still exhausted. And Ciel would’ve felt guilty if only he was lucid enough to figure out that the increasing frown the tutor gave him wasn’t over the material and whether or not he was taking notes. After all, with Ciel as his only student, he could make his teacher go over the material again. Right now, he was just staring at the board, pencil in one hand and his chin in the other.

He heard a soft sigh, but it didn’t register to him that Sebastian had stopped talking until the man quietly asked, “Are you listening, young master?” He blinked up to meet those ruby eyes and frowned slightly at the bemused expression he saw on his teacher’s face. “I asked you if you wanted to take a short nap before lunch and finish this after you’ve had some time to collect yourself. I don’t think that you got nearly enough sleep last night.”

“I think I’ll be fine, Mr. Michaelis,” Ciel retorted, reaching for the call button on his intercom. As soon as it made the small click that let him know those in the kitchen could hear him, he asked for a pot of coffee to be brought to the study. 

However, he still got a disapproving look from his teacher. “If I may, I don’t think it would be good for you to drink so much caffeine as a replacement for whatever sleep you’ve missed.” He set the chalk down on the rack and crossed his arms over his chest. “I doubt that you have digested a single word I said in the last twenty minutes or more, young master, and I would not like to waste my time any more. Now, I implore you to actually get some sleep before you fall over in your seat.”

“I don’t need your coddling.” Ciel had sat up straighter in his seat as his temper sparked at his teacher’s patronizing tone. “There will be times that I will be exhausted at a meeting and will only have caffeine to help me through it, and there have been times when that is the only thing that lets me get out of bed. Now, I’m going to have a damn cup of coffee whether you like it or not.”

A moment later, Mey Rin came in pushing a restaurant sized pot of coffee on a cart, a second level holding two cups and matching saucers, a small cream pitcher, and a sugar bowl. She wheeled it over to the desk and began preparing Ciel a cup, adding a healthy amount of sugar to his cup since he despised the bitter taste of coffee. After she was done, she turned to Sebastian, opening her mouth to probably ask him what he put in his, but he shook his head and waved her off.

They watched her scuttle out of the room, and Ciel ignored the slight glare he was receiving in favour of sipping on his coffee. It was still disgustingly bitter, but he supposed that all coffee was going to be bitter no matter how much it was sweetened. So, he ignored the taste and settled on just getting it down. He had to be awake for this lesson, had to maintain that losing sleep wasn’t detrimental to his day, and he was going to drink the entire damn pot and then some if it helped.

Halfway through his second cup, Sebastian restarted the last half of his lesson, no doubt realising that it was all pointless. Ciel took whatever noted he missed, and they ended halfway through the normal time for lunch. Bard had been instructed to wait until Sebastian got to the kitchens so that they could continue their cooking lessons, and Ciel went to the library to continue his research.

During a lunch of green tea, light sandwiches, fresh greens, and soup, they maintained a slightly uncomfortable silence that annoyed Ciel more than anything. He didn’t like the focused stare of his tutor as he ate or the curious peeping that his servants kept doing. By the time the cucumber soup was poured, his temper was at its boiling point.

Sebastian’s spoon scraped the bottom of his bowl, and he couldn’t help but snap, “Could you attempt to not make such aggravating sounds?”

Black eyebrows rose, and his tutor set his spoon down. “Are we feeling a little on edge, young master? Perhaps it’s the caffeine is aggravating your nerves and making you jumpy? You did finish that entire pot, after all.”

“Would you just drop it on the damn caffeine?” he growled. “I’m seventeen, almost eighteen years of age, and I can drink whatever I want to. You’re my teacher, not my mother.”

“It is my job to teach you important lessons that will prepare you for the adult world, young master, and I do believe that this fits into that mould.” He smiled slightly. “After all, your height has already been stunted slightly, and I would hate for you to be only five-foot-six for the rest of your life.”

Ciel was about to respond with the most vicious insult he could think of to defend his pride, but he was cut off by Tanaka clearing his throat. He looked over as the man approached, carrying a small card. It was an old practice, one that barely anyone ever followed when they visited him, and he knew exactly who it was before he even saw the pretty, pink cursive on the cardstock.

“Dammit, she could’ve picked a better time,” he sighed, accepting the card nonetheless. He really wasn’t in the right mood for this, but it wouldn’t be pretty if his aunt found out that he’d treated her with anything less than the respect she deserved.

“I can ask her to come another time,” Tanaka offered, and Ciel was so tempted to take him up on the offer. After all, she had a tendency of poking every single button he had.

But she was like a rainstorm- whenever she came, it was rarely at the right time. So, he just shook his head and tucked the card in his coat pocket. “Let her in and offer her some lunch. I’m assuming she just got out of class and she might be hungry.”

“Of course, Sir.” He left to let her in, and Ciel met Sebastian’s curious gaze. He could’ve laughed, realising exactly what was in store for his tutor.

So, he decided to lure him to a false sense of security. With a shrug and an apparently annoyed eye roll, Ciel informed him, “It’s just my cousin, Lizzy.”

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

“Omigosh, Ciel, you look so cute ruffled up like that!” Lizzy squealed. “Oh, I wish I surprised you more often! You’re so adorable before you get a chance to put yourself together, and you are so rarely adorable anymore.”

The bubbly girl threw her arms around his shoulders, standing a full two inches taller than him even in thin flip flops. Her blonde hair was pulled up in ponytails and smacked Ciel in the face and she squeezed the life out of him. He seemed absolutely miserable like that, and Sebastian almost felt bad for him. Even though there had been several times Madam Red hugged him, it was barely as tightly and embarrassing as this girl was making it.

“I really wish you would give me a heads-up from now on, Elizabeth,” he groaned, untangling himself from her arms and turning back towards the table. “Did you want anything to eat? We’re having lunch, and I’m sure you’re probably starving yourself on that crappy food you college students eat.”

She waved him off. “Just like I told Tanaka- I only want a cup of tea and an hour or two of your time. I wanted to see how my darling little cousin is doing and then get a good look at this new teacher Aunt Angelina talked about.”

Her bright green eyes latched onto Sebastian’s, and he felt his palms sweat. Still, he had _some_ manners, so he stood and extended his hand to her. “My name is Sebastian Michaelis, Miss Lizzy. I’m pleased to make your acquaintance.”

She stared at his hand for a moment in confusion before rolling her eyes. “What is with men and being formal?” she asked no one in particular. He went to apologise, but she interrupted him by wrapping her thin arms around his torse and squeezing. “Just call me Lizzy, you goofball! I’m glad to meet you, too! You must be pretty special for Ciel to invite you to live here.”

She let go after a moment, and Sebastian wheezed out the air she’d squeezed in. He could tell why Ciel had looked so miserable. This girl could squish your insides with just a little bit more force, and he doubted many people hugged his student like that. Hell, no one but his mother had ever hugged Sebastian that hard.

“So, I want to tell you all about college, since you’ll need to know for next year,” Lizzy told There are certain rules to it, I’m sure you know, and I don’t want you to flounder when you first get there.” She took the spot to the left of Ciel’s seat, and the two men sat as well. “Edward helped me a lot, and I even got to room with Paula!”

“How _is_ your brother? Still being creepily overprotective with his weird brother complex?” Ciel asked, taking a bite of his soup and nodding at Mey Rin as she came in with Lizzy’s tea.

“Oh, Ciel, you know that you’re the same, but it’s just internal with you. Eddie has problems hiding his feelings! Besides, I’m the only sister he has.”

“That doesn’t explain how far he goes sometimes, Lizzy,” Ciel told her with a slight frown. “He would seriously lock you away if he thought he could get away with it.”

She giggled and shook her head at him. “You’re so silly, Ciel!” Suddenly, she leaned closer to him, eyes gleaming impishly. “You jealous?”

Eloquent as ever, Ciel spit out his soup. Thankfully, it didn’t seem to bother her since she just laughed even louder and wiped her face off with his napkin. He continued to splutter, looking at her with an expression of horror mixed with absolute disgust. “No! Never!” He shook his head furiously and sighed. “You have a strange imagination, I swear.”

“Yeah, but you don’t see me very often so you put up with it, don’t you?” She poked his cheek. “But, yes, Edward is fine, and so is Paula. Thanks for asking about her as well. It’s almost like I haven’t spent the better part of two years trying to hook you two up or anything.”

Blue eyes narrowed, and he took a deep breath. “Elizabeth, you and I have been through this.”

“Hey! She’s a nice girl, she’s got a nice rack, and she can make your perpetual frown turn upside down! I think you two would be perfect together!” She crossed her arms over her chest. “You haven’t dated a girl once in your entire life, and I am trying to do the honourable thing and make sure my cousin doesn’t die a virgin.” She grabbed his hands. “Do you want to die a virgin, Ciel? Do you never want to know the touch of a lover? Do you plan on _never_ giving me little second cousins to spoil and leaving me with whatever horrors are surely going to be sired from Edward?” She yanked him to her. “ _Do you_?”

“Geez, Lizzy, let go of me!” He pulled away and leaned back in his chair. She pouted, and he closed his eyes, no doubt to calm himself down.

When Ciel had blandly told him that it was his cousin visiting, he had expected some girl his age that was as serious as him and tended to be just as much of a pain. Instead, Sebastian got to watch in amusement as this pink-clad girl harassed the little brat and attempted to hook him up with who was probably her best friend. She was a stark contrast from the mopey boy he’d come to know- barely letting her smile slip for more than a moment, talking in excited and hurried tones, and seemingly determined to bright her cousin’s day.

And get him laid. “What about that girl from that was in the pediatric ward with you? You used to text her all the time? She wore a bunch of green and liked to grab your-”

“Sieglinde,” Ciel cut her off. “She moved back to Germany with her foster dad.” He waved her off. “Besides, she’s like a freshman or something in high school, and I don’t think of her that way. She came over for movies a few times, and your ‘all the time’ was really just once a month or on holidays.”

“But she’s so pretty!” Lizzy whined. “And you got along really well when you were in the hospital with her!”

“Hospital?” Sebastian asked, frowning.

“The one after the accident,” Ciel clarified. “She was a couple years younger than me, but she had to come in after her feet got run over. Of course, she will never walk again, but she gets along really well with her wheelchair.” He shrugged. “We bonded briefly over mutual injuries, and she would come over every so often to watch horror movies and for tea.”

“I didn’t peg you as a lover of horror, young master,” Sebastian commented with a smirk. Ciel glared at him balefully and looked like he was going to come back with a smart retort, but his cousin spoke first.

“Nope, he gets absolutely terrified over that stuff. Like he’ll get all faint if he sees just a little blood, and gore makes him go crazy! It’s hilarious.” She used her hand to block Ciel from seeing her lips. “That’s why I thought they were dating, since it’s the only reason he would put himself through that.”

“You know, talking loud enough for me to hear you sort of defeats the purpose of covering your mouth,” Ciel snapped impatiently. She rolled her eyes but smiled at him like a mother would her temperamental child. 

“Yes, of course. Sorry for insulting your intelligence, oh wise and bossy Ciel.” She giggled. “Honestly, you need to lighten up sometimes. Maybe girls would like you more if you smiled.”

He frowned. “I don’t think that’s the issue, Lizzy.” Something dark flashed in his eyes for just a moment- long enough for Sebastian to notice but not for her to see when she looked at him again. “Now, enough about my love life, okay? Tell me about you and that strange boy from your Photography class. Sam, wasn’t it?”

“His name is Snake, you dork. I told you that like a thousand times!” She poked him hard in the arm. “And he is still a shy little sweetie. We went out for coffee a few times, and he seems really nice.”

“Why do they call him Snake?” Ciel asked, cocking his head to the side. “I doubt his parents named him that.”

“Well, he has these really cool snakes that he carries around with him! The school doesn’t really like it, but they’re harmless and they don’t distract from the lessons. Our photography teacher actually let them stay in his portrait when we took them at the beginning of the year, and they like to nuzzle when we take notes.” She sighed. “He uses them to talk, pretending that he can understand what they say and just translates it for us, but I’m really not sure that Emily would say that I’m too pretty to be trapped in a darkroom all my life.”

That got a wry laugh out of Ciel. “What did Edward say about that? I’m surprised he even let you leave the campus with a guy named Snake, sweetie or not.”

“And when in my life have I ever listened to what Edward told me to do?” she asked, her voice sickly sweet. “He may be my overprotective big brother, but he also doesn’t have a backbone. I do what I want.”

Sebastian smiled, not surprised when Ciel did the same. The teen took a sip of his tea and murmured, “Yes, I’m sure you do.” He raised an eyebrow at her and smirked. “You’re not a total airhead; why else do you think I hang out with you?”

“Hm, because you’re a bitter recluse whose sole enjoyment is playing the role of a haughty lord of the manor?” she asked sweetly. “Could that also be a reason?”

Even though he frowned, it didn’t reach Ciel’s eyes, which were still bright. “Shut up, would you?”

“I love you,” she cooed. “You big, goofy dork, you.”

“Yes, yes, I am a dork, and you’re ditz. I’m really surprised that our insults haven’t been upgraded since fifth grade.” He smiled and poked her in the arm. “But I don’t you would understand what I said anyways.”

“Oh, shucks, Ciel, I bet you say that to all the girls.” She jabbed him back, and they glared at each other without any real heat. She turned to look at Sebastian, a shocked expression on her face. “Sorry! We haven’t really been roping you in the conversation, have we?” She pointed to the seat across from her on Ciel’s right. “Come over here and sit!”

He tried to wave her off. “I’m not sure that would be entirely proper,” he objected with an apologetic expression, but she frowned.

“I’ve never heard that teachers and students couldn’t sit together! At my high school, the teachers were always sitting with their favourite students. Come on! I wanna hear all about how rotten my cousin’s been this year already! Do you call him ‘my lord’ as well, or was that just Kelvin?”

“I thought we weren’t going to talk about Kelvin ever again,” Ciel hissed. 

“Yes, that’s right sorry. Pervert teachers aren’t allowed in polite conversations.” She stood and grabbed Sebastian’s arm. “Right, Mr. Michaelis, this way! Mey Rin, can you please move his lunch to his new seat?”

The maid jumped from her place in the doorway- honestly, he doubted Ciel ever left the sight of at least one of the servants- and hustled to do as Lizzy said. Sebastian allowed himself to be led to the seat beside Ciel and looked over sheepishly at the slightly scowling boy. He was blushing slightly under his expression, and he looked at his cousin with a deep frown.

“You really shouldn’t drag around my teacher like that, Lizzy. It’s not proper.”

“Oh, whatever. Proper is so nineteenth century, and we are in the twenty-first, Ciel. Besides, it’s not like I’m dragging him off to the bathroom for a heavy make-out session or anything.” She waggled her eyebrows as she sat down, adding in a scandalous voice, “Unless Mr. Michaelis is into that sort of thing.”

_Oh, god._ “No offense, Miss Lizzy, but I must decline your offer on that one,” Sebastian said in as civil a voice as he could muster. Completely ignoring that he hadn’t dated a girl since high school, he tried to follow the age rule- half your age plus seven. “I’m afraid that I couldn’t compare to your reptile-loving friend.”

She giggled and pretended to swoon. “I’m hoping that I can get him to direct some of that love my way.” 

“One can only hope that he can handle you,” Ciel muttered.

Their conversation went back towards college after that, Lizzy talking about the local university in her usual excited manner and allowing Sebastian to share a few stories from his college years, as brief as they were. Ciel asked as few questions as he needed to appear interested in his cousin, but Sebastian could tell that he really wanted to talk about something else.

In all honesty, the man couldn’t figure out why. Ciel was a senior and would need to learn all about college to prepare for it. He doubted that tutors could be hired in lieu of professors, and Sebastian knew that he wouldn’t be able to do anything like that. However, those blue eyes were slightly glazed over and a small frown never stopped tugging at the boy’s lips.

The comments about not having a girlfriend also didn’t make sense. Sure, he was a bitter little brat, but he seemed like he could crack jokes and have fun with people when they shared some common interests. He toyed with the idea of Ciel being gay or possibly aromantic, but he had serious doubts.

He promised himself that he would question the boy later in private and turned his focus back to answering Lizzy’s question about his old roommate, bitter boy named William who would lock him out of the room on a regular basis for “undisturbed sleep.”

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

His chance came soon after dinner when he ran into Ciel in the library. Madam Red had left with her friend, Grell, for a girls’ night out, and all the servants were still working down in the kitchen. The boy was curled up in a large armchair, a thick book balanced on the armrest near his elbow. He looked bored, but his eyes still didn’t leave the page as Sebastian passed him to get to the section on recipes and just cooking in general. He was sure he could pass it on the Bard and get the man to read up on it so that he could continue to do well.

Sebastian left the shelf with one book on desserts and a couple on more exotic dishes and stood in front of the boy. Still, he didn’t get even a glance of recognition, and he frowned. Unless he was ignoring Sebastian for telling Madam Red that Lizzy had stopped by, he couldn’t figure out why he wasn’t paying him a lick of attention. Perhaps he was still tired and hadn’t noticed he was there?

“Young master?” he murmured, taking a step forwards. Ciel’s head shot up, and wide blue eyes searched ruby quickly before calming again. “I’m sorry for startling you, but I hadn’t realised you were that absorbed.”

“Ah, yes, I was just reading,” came the weak response, and a touch of red coloured the boy’s cheeks. “Sorry, Mr. Michaelis. What were you saying?”

“Nothing yet. What are you reading that has captured your attention so? I might be able to give my opinion on the matter.” He moved to lift the cover, but the book was snapped shut and pulled to Ciel’s chest protectively. Sebastian yanked his hand back, not wanting to anger him but unable to keep the confusion from his face. What had the boy so defensive?

“It’s nothing,” Ciel informed him calmly. “Just a book I’m reading as research. I prefer books to Google, and we happened to have one here in the library for me to look through.” He lifted his chin slightly, as if daring Sebastian to call him out on his behaviour, but he honestly didn’t feel like sparring with the boy at the moment.

So he just stood there, trying to think of the best way to bring up what he had been wanting to ask. After all, he could be blunt and blindside Ciel- the most dangerous route that would lead to riches or ruin- or he could ease into it with a series of similar topics that would encourage him to open up to Sebastian with little grumbling. However, both ideas had a huge risk of the teen just being the insufferable brat he liked to be and denying his teacher’s chance for any insight.

Sebastian tried to tell himself that he didn’t care about Ciel’s apparent aversion to relationships, but it wasn’t natural that he didn’t express some interest in the girls Lizzy seemed to practically spoon feed him. Even Sebastian had a girlfriend at his age- the last before he discovered men were more his type, but still. All of his dodging was suspicious, and it could help the tutor better understand the enigma of the boy he was trying to get through to in any way possible.

“What do you need, Mr. Michaelis?” Ciel asked impatiently, and he decided to just bite the bullet and get through it.

“Are you not sexually attracted to people, young master?” he asked, the words feeling strange in his mouth. And they must’ve sounded strange since Ciel just stared at him, mouth opening slightly and hanging there. Neither one of them made a noise, trying to process that he’d actually asked such a wildly inappropriate question.

_Well, this is awkward_ , he thought bitterly before just sighing with a forced smile. “Forget I asked that. It wasn’t my place. Please, enjoy the rest of your evening, and I will see you in the morning.”

He turned and started briskly walking towards the door, but he was halted by a sudden call of “Wait!” from Ciel. 

At that, he spun back around to see the boy out of his seat, hand outstretched. His blue eyes were wide, but he closed them with a small, irritated breath. He motioned for Sebastian to come back to him as he plopped down in the armchair with a heavy thud. The book had fallen in his hurry, but it faced down and Sebastian wasn’t going to be even more awkward by turning it over.

So he stopped a few steps away and waited for Ciel to speak. Obviously he had something to say if he’d made Sebastian come back, and the man was patient enough to give him as much time as he needed. Even if it took all night, if he could just get Ciel to actually talk to him and let him it, he could wait.

He was still surprised when Ciel asked, “Do you play chess?”

Chess? Yes, quite well. He’d played for four years competitively and had met Claude on the circuit. However, now the game left a bad taste in his mouth by association and he rarely could play it without thinking of those flashing gold eyes. Only, instead of saying all that, he simply answered, “Yes.”

Ciel nodded and pointed to the corner of the room. “Over there is a chess table and an extra chair. Grab both of them and bring them over here. We’re going to play a game with some extra rules.”

Sebastian did as he was asked- ordered, really, but he could overlook that- and placed the chair on the other side of the board so he could sit down, directly in front of the black pieces. Ciel nodded and bent to pick up his book, tucking it behind him as he perched on the edge of his seat. He fixed his pieces and made sure they were in the exact centre of their assigned spaces. Sebastian took the time to do the same, know it gave his student more time to collect his nerves.

“The rules are simple,” Ciel said finally, looking his teacher in the eye. “For every piece I take, you tell me one personal thing about you; for each piece you take, I tell you one personal thing about me. The loser of the game owes the winner a favour. Other than that, all other normal rules of chess apply. Fair enough?”

“Most definitely, young master,” Sebastian murmured, his heart racing. He really hoped that playing again was as simple as riding a bike; the more pieces he could take of Ciel’s, the better. However, the smug look from across the board did little to assure him that he could win as easily as he did years ago.

As he feared, the first piece to be taken was an ebony pawn, set in as a way to release his rook. Ciel took it with a carefully blank expression but with a slightly expectant look in his eyes. Sebastian sighed and nodded, accepting this as part of his mission to be a better teacher.

“I didn’t want to be a teacher at first. I loved being in the kitchen with my mother and swore until the tenth grade that I would own a restaurant after graduating from culinary school. However, one day we did those class-teaches-class exercises and I absolutely loved it. I felt more in my element than any time in the kitchen, and I changed my mind.”

Ciel studied him but then shrugged. “That explains why you were so keen to start teaching Bard how to cook. He’s done well today, thanks to you.”

“I only try,” Sebastian admitted, looking down at the board. “It combines two of my great and saves my taste buds at the same time.”

He actually got a little chuckle. “I bet.”

They moved pieces back and forth for a bit, both realising that wasting pieces carelessly was no longer an option. Losing pieces meant too much, as did taking them. Fortunately, despite his caution, Ciel lost the next piece- a knight- and Sebastian had to keep his expression neutral. The teen couldn’t know how much he wanted to know this information.

Ciel sat back in his seat and regarded him for a moment. Finally, he just said simply, “I have sexual desires, naturally, but people tend to lose interest in guys who don’t leave the house. As you know, cars cause me to have panic attacks, and that doesn’t attract potential mates. He smirked slightly at his own wording even as a tiny bit of Sebastian’s heart cracked.

The boy had been right; his bratty attitude had nothing to do with his inability to attract girls. Generally dating required actually going out on dates, and Ciel couldn’t do that. He couldn’t even get halfway off the estate without becoming a trembling, terrified mess. Driving a date to the movies or going out for coffee was impossible, and they lived too far from town for him to walk.

“That must be incredibly lonely,” Sebastian commented softly, but the boy shrugged.

“I’ve known it for almost half of my life. It doesn’t bother me as much as it used to, but I will admit that it’s nice to have people who live here to stick around while my aunt is working.” He stared at his tutor with a slight smile. “She wanted to quit, but I knew it would drive her insane to give up what she loves to deal with her nephew all the time, especially with how much she worries about me.”

Sebastian went to ask if that was why he’d been asked to move in, but Ciel ended the conversation by sliding his queen into the space Sebastian’s bishop occupied. “Check,” he whispered before looking up in a silent request for Sebastian to admit something else about himself in return for losing his piece.

“I got roofied in high school,” he offered nonchalantly, making Ciel immediately frown. “Thankfully it was just as a sick idea of a joke rather than an attempt at rape or something worse, but I was in the hospital for a day or two. They never found who did it, and my mother was too horrified to press too deep. By the time she’d calmed down enough to think about it, I was pretty much over it.”

“‘Over it?’” Ciel scoffed. “It seems like a lot to just get over. How long did it take?”

“A month or so. I was mostly angry with myself at not following the whole ‘out of sight, out of mind’ rule with drinks, so it really wasn’t that big a deal. I mean, yeah, I didn’t go to another party until my freshman year of college, but I wasn’t paranoid when I went back into it, and I don’t have any nightmares about that night.” He picked up his knight and neatly took out Ciel’s queen, making the boy growl softly in his throat. “But that is a good rule of thumb for your college days- ‘out of sight, out of mind.’”

“I doubt I’m going to be able to attend college at an actual university, much less go to dorm parties.” Ciel frowned at the board. “Aunt Ann and I decided that perhaps online colleges would be better than travelling, especially since the nearest one is two hours away.” He shrugged of Sebastian’s pity, eyes growing sharp. “Stop looking at me like that.”

“Like what?” Dammit, those blue eyes had shut down, leaving only anger in place of the soft flickering of sorrow Sebastian had been allowed to glimpse at.

“Like I’m some sort of fragile china doll who will never be lowered from the shelf and warrants only the pity of those around it.” He gripped the bishop tight in his hand. “I’m not a sad story on the eight o’clock new. I’m perfectly fine adapting my life for as long as I need to.” He slammed the marble piece onto the table and began to stand. “If you can’t do anything but reach for the tissues like you’re watching Oprah or something, then we’re done here.”

_Shit, shit, shit._ Sebastian scrambled for a way to keep him in the game, but he was at a near blank. So, in a panic, he grabbed Ciel’s thin wrist and tried to marshal every single bit of pity or sympathy from his face and give the teen his best smirk.

“If you walk away,” he said slowly, “it’s an automatic forfeit, and I win.” Ciel frowned and stared down at him. “Do you really want to owe me a favour, _my lord_?” Ah, there- pulling out the big guns to boost the boy’s ego. Very rarely could Sebastian abandon enough dignity to call him “my lord,” and he knew that Ciel liked it the most. It was a title of power over people and added to his “haughty lord of the manor” act that Lizzy had mentioned earlier. He wasn’t in control of his own life, and being a lord gave him control over others.

Or, something to that effect, according to the doctor who engaged Ciel in murmuring conversations in the study on Saturdays.

Those blue eyes held his for a while, searching no doubt for the compassion that had burned there, and Sebastian was proud when he didn’t find any. Still, those blue eyes were still guarded as he sat down in his armchair, running his hands down the thighs of his pants. He picked up a rook and moved forwards so that it was in perfect position to take Sebastian’s king. He seemed distant now, the fire that had burned so brightly in his eyes as he moved the pieces on the board gone, and it was all the teacher’s fault for letting his emotions get the better of him.

The rest of the game was met in silence. They no long gave away tid-bits of themselves as their numbers were depleted, and it was slightly unnerving to watch as more and more of the black on the board disappeared. He was proud that almost as many white was being taken, but he didn’t even notice how deep he was in until Ciel moved a white pawn into the corner one of Sebastian’s rooks had once occupied.

“Give me back my queen,” he instructed quietly, watching as Sebastian was forced to swap the pieces. “Thank you.”

After that, it was a massacre. All Sebastian had left was a knight and his king, backed into a corner on Ciel’s side as the knight attempted to pick off as many as it possibly could. However, Ciel managed to get his rook in the same row as the king and then the queen in the row above it, effectively blocking all chances of escape. The light was still gone from his blue eyes, but a smirk twisted at the corners of his mouth in a way that made Sebastian’s stomach drop.

“Checkmate.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoa there. It's almost like Ciel has a plan or something. Look at that. :O I wonder what he could possibly want to cash that favour in for. But we also got a little bit of Ciel's thoughts and got to run into Lizzy! (I love her so much.)


	4. An Agreement Reached

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ciel cashes in on his favour, and it's not quite what Sebastian had in mind.

They thought that the silence at dinner was just Ciel being Ciel. After all, he had a habit of keeping to himself and not talking while Madam Red and Sebastian chatted like old friends, and he usually only spoke up to answer a question or to correct Sebastian about a matter that he felt the teacher had gotten wrong on his synopsis of the day. Finny would make small noises of enjoyment over the food, Bard would say something to Mey that would make her blush or smack him on the arm, and Tanaka just watched them talk with the same little grandfather twinkle he always used when he was around the family and not on duty.

So, they didn’t complain when he picked at his food, still too out of sorts to actually eat the beautiful steak and potato stew that Bard and Sebastian had served only twenty minutes ago. He tried to force himself to eat it a few times, but it was too much for him. Of course, it wasn’t the taste that had him hesitant since Bard had been doing better at his job under Sebastian’s watchful eye, but it was just the inability to eat without his stomach turning over and threatening to spill its contents.

He twirled his spoon around in the bowl a few times, trying to find his appetite so he could finally enjoy a stew that didn’t burn on the way down and make him bite into brittle chunks of meat and overcooked potatoes. However, it was gone and left him hoping he could twirl enough around that made it seem like he’d eaten some. It wouldn’t do to catch his aunt’s eye and make her worry over him and ask him if his “gloomy days” were making a comeback. She would no doubt call in Diedrich to make sure he wasn’t lying to her like he used to when the days stretched on and left him with nothing but numbness in everything he did.

Which had included eating. But he was sure that, no, his depression hadn’t made a comeback quite yet. After all, it wasn’t numbness that kept him from eating, it was anger. It was the expression on Sebastian’s face when Ciel had confessed that he probably wouldn’t be able to go to college and have a girlfriend because he was too weak to get in a car. It was the realisation that the man whom he’d thought would never turn pity his way would do so in one of the first times Ciel had opened up in almost a year. It was the sorrow that came from knowing that he hadn’t been spared by at least one person in his life and that there would never be a person who didn’t look at Ciel and see all the things he was losing. 

There wasn’t any more to lose; Ciel had lost already everything- his dignity, his freedom, his parents, his ability to go through life unburdened by the tragedy that had shadowed every move he made for the past seven years. He had lost the naïveté that should’ve held fast until middle or high school, and he had been forced to mature the moment the car had exploded. The nurse had told him his parents were dead soon after he regained consciousness in the ER, like he hadn’t known already. 

He stood, drawing the attention of the table and cursing the fact that he couldn’t even get up without getting two sets of red eyes settled on him. The darker pair was carefully guarded but darted all over his features. His aunt’s eyes weren’t so kind to keep the concern out of her expression, and her mouth opened to say something, no doubt to ask if he was okay.

“I’m done eating, so I’m just going to the library for a bit before I head off to bed. Goodnight.” He turned to Bard. “The stew was delicious. Good job, Bard. You should be proud.”

Turquoise eyes widened. “Thank you, young master. I’m glad you liked it.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m not quite there yet, but it’s getting better, I promise.”

“You’re doing fine.” He nodded to the rest of them before excusing himself to go to the library. Once he was safely behind the double doors, he twisted the lock in place, knowing his nosy aunt would probably try to sneak in there later after she was done worrying herself over her stew. Worse, Sebastian would find his way back in for a rematch for chess or some other stupid excuse like that to spy and relay information to Aunt Ann. He couldn’t deal with either of them at the moment. 

So, he crawled sideways into his father’s armchair and nuzzled the warm fabric that once held the body of Vincent Phantomhive. He remembered crawling into his dad’s lap to read with him as he chattered about whatever had happened at school that day or to interrupt a perfectly peaceful meeting between him and one of his old friends. Vincent had never made him leave or complained that he had become a seat himself. He’d just loosely wrap an arm around his son to make sure he didn’t fall and kiss the top of his head to assure him that it was fine.

Rachel would often find them there, her blue eyes sparkling as she opened her arms to her son. Ciel always tried to calm himself so that he didn’t knock her over, but she would still stumble a bit since he was just so excited to see her again. She’d lift him into her arms and cradle him close to her chest, murmuring how silly he was and how she wanted him to tell her all about his day at school. Had he been nice to his teacher? Was science still giving him problems?

He no longer cried over them. There was no use, and he’d gotten over their deaths years ago. However, he would be lying if he said that he didn’t miss them sometimes when he was sitting Vincent’s chair or looking in the mirror and remembering how blue his mother’s eyes would look in the morning as he tackled them in bed. The worst nights were the stormy ones, the nights that used to be spent nestled between them and safe in their arms as thunder rolled and crashed above them. Now, he was forced to drape the blankets over his head and imagine that he wasn’t all alone in a bed that was large enough for three people.

The library was quiet. Normally the sound of crickets chirping outside the window would distract him from the absolute silence and keep him relatively calm. He hated silence sometimes, the sound still reminding him of that hour spent in silence as he waited to either pass out from the pain or for another car to come and find them. The stars had been blurred by the tears in his eyes, and he had wished that he could’ve just stayed in the car.

He wasn’t aware that it was hard to breathe until someone knocked on the door. “Ciel, honey, are you okay?” Aunt Ann called from the other side. “Sweetie, why are you breathing heavy?”

_Dammit_. He pressed his hand over his chest and attempted to rub in circles, taking in slow breaths so that she would leave him alone. He couldn’t do this right now, not when he was trying to prove to her that he was okay. Leaving dinner early was already extremely suspicious, and he knew she’d be close by to make sure nothing was happening. 

He was close enough to the beginning that all it took was a minute or so of his regulated breathing to ease him back. A minute had been too long for his aunt, however, who was in full mother hen mode. He heard the unmistakable sound of a key turning in the door a moment before it opened and heels were pounding on the marble floor. Her hands cupped his cold cheeks, and he allowed her to tilt his face up to meet her eyes.

“What’s wrong? I can’t help you if I don’t know what’s going on with you.” She looked so earnest, but Ciel shied away from her as he saw the others hovering in the doorway to the library. This was why he had left- so they couldn’t see him break down _again_. Her eyes widened as hurt filled her features, but then she noticed that he was looking behind her and turned to the door.

“Please, give us a moment. Close the door and return to your duties so Ciel and I can speak in private.” Tanaka nodded and closed the door before the others could complain, and the teen didn’t miss the look that flashed in those dark eyes shortly before they were alone.

Admiration. Shocking but definite admiration for the boy that was always too fucking terrified to run the company in the same tight fist that Tanaka had no doubt witnessed from Ciel’s father. It startled him, and he wondered why on earth the steward would look at him like that.

Aunt Ann demanded his attention first. She stood and pressed her ear to the door, no doubt to make sure that her loyal servants obeyed her wish, and it gave Ciel time to compose himself some more. She turned back around after a moment and stood in front of him, tapping her foot on the marble as she crossed her arms over her chest in what was her best attempt at looking cross with him. However, she soon deflated, eyes growing tired and making her nephew feel even worse.

_She never asked to deal with this. She doesn’t deserve to worry constantly over me all the time like I’m some time-bomb that’s moments from exploding and killing everyone in radius. She deserves to live her life like she did before all this tragedy- happy and carefree and taking trips to Europe to bring back whatever the hell she wants with her handsome pay check. Instead, she’s trapped here, trying to keep me from exploding._

He ran his hand over his face. “I’m sorry.” He didn’t look up at her and added, “I always make you worry, huh? Can’t last two seconds on my own without losing control.” 

She scoffed. “You know, out of all the things Diedrich and I argue about, we agree on one thing.” Thin fingers slipped through his hair, softly stroking it in the way Rachel had done countless times to make him calm down. “You’re not supposed to do this on your own. You’re allowed to lean on us. I worry because I never know what’s going on with you, and it scares me so much to think that you’re in some internal battle that I can’t even help you fight like I’m supposed to.” She bumped her forehead against his. “Let me fight with you, Ciel, and we’ll get through this together.”

“And if I don’t get through this?” he asked. “What then? You would have fought for nothing.” He still pressed against her and sighed softly against her warm body. “Sometimes I miss them,” he admitted finally. “And I feel stupid for that because I know that I can never bring them back and them being dead doesn’t hurt anymore. It’s just that, even though it doesn’t matter that they’re dead, there’s so much that they did that they’ll never do again, and it makes me feel hollow.”

“I know, sweetie.” She gently scratched at his back, relieving some of the tension there. “And I doubt it will ever feel completely right.” She pulled away enough to look him in the eyes. “There are things that remind me of them every day, and you’re right- it feels hollow without them. I can’t read _Little Women_ , my favourite book, because all I can think of is all the times Rachel would pull it out of my hands to get my attention.” Ann laughed a little, but it sounded sad. “I would get mad at her because I never had the chance to bookmark it before she snapped it shut and I would have to search for the page later.”

Ciel stared at her, trying to imagine his mother grabbing her little sister’s book out of her hand and demanding her attention in a way that was polite enough that demanding sounded like the wrong word to use. But he knew that tone well enough- had it directed his way plenty in his first ten years on Earth- and knew exactly what she was talking about. He smiled a little, feeling somewhat lighter.

“Did she ever-?” Aunt Ann began, but then she stopped. Ciel raised an eyebrow, and she smiled sheepishly. “Well, did she ever poke you or Vincent under the ribs when she was playing around because it hits that nerve and makes you squirm and laugh?”

“Yeah,” Ciel laughed, remembering the devilish smile that would spread across his mother’s features when she would. “Dad would more yelp than squirm, but I always thought it was funny. She used to wake me up like that sometimes, too, when I was being stubborn.”

“Oh, god, yes, that was her favourite time to do it. She could hit you early enough in the morning that you didn’t see it coming.” She stroked the hair out of his eyes and smiled sadly. “Do you understand now, sweetie? You aren’t alone in this. You can come to me for anything that’s bothering you, and I won’t judge or feel burdened or whatever reason keeps you away.”

“Pity.” 

Her red eyes widened and stared into his as if she wasn’t sure if he’d really said that. Her mouth opened then closed a few times before she asked quietly, “Ciel?”

“It’s pity that usually keeps me away.” He stood up and brushed past her, wringing his hands and not facing her. “I hate seeing it in people’s eyes, like I’m some sad little puppy on the commercials staring up at you through the bars of a cage with tears streaking down my face.” He balled his hands into fists to keep himself from wringing them anymore- a classic case of nerves- and frowned to himself. “And I see it in everyone’s eyes. Yours, Diedrich’s, Sebastian’s.” He realised too late that he’d called the teacher by his first name. “Rather, Mr. Michaelis’,” he amended, but he wasn’t sure if she’d cared about the slip or not. “Everyone looks at me like that, and I hate it. I hate that there’s an expression for letting people know when you think that they’re lesser than you.”

“Sweetie, no, that’s not what it is at all,” Aunt Ann cooed, standing and grabbing one of the fists at his side. “I’ve never seen you as anything below me, no matter what’s happening.” She gently eased the fingers to relax and combed hers through them. “You’re stronger than I am, you know. I’m sure you probably hate hearing that as well, but it’s true. Can you imagine me in your place? I would’ve gone mad. I never would have the courage to try over and over again to get in the car knowing what would happen. And you do it all the time.” She laughed a little, but it sounded strained. “I wish you wouldn’t, but I understand why.”

“It’s crippling,” he murmured. “I’m supposed to be going to school and looking at colleges that will give me the best education in business we can afford, yet here I am, attached to this damn mansion like an invalid and it’s crippling.” He shook his head and looked down at his feet. “Why the hell is this still an issue? Diedrich is perfectly capable of helping me, I’m not scared of trying, and it’s been nearly eight years since it happened.”

Yes, eight years since he lay bloody and broken on the side of the road, staring at the inferno that was the family car and knowing in his gut that his parents were dead. He’d thrown toy soldiers in the fireplace numerous times just to see what it would look like, and he had laid there, imagination replacing the toy soldiers for his parents as it slowly turned them black and prevented him from saving them.

He squeezed Ann’s hand, and she squeezed back, her head dipping to rest against his. He tried to banish away the images and focused instead on stupid, insignificant things- Finny coming in all muddy and sobbing after drowning a bush of roses, Tanaka bringing him a jacket when he was cold without even being asked, Bard staring in the doorway as they ate in order to make sure that Ciel really didn’t care that his chicken was as dark as his tea, Mey Rin accidentally waking him up as she put his clothes away early in the morning.

Sebastian staring at the chessboard in front of him and plotting his next move.

“Anything I can do to help,” Ann whispered, her body warm against his. “Anything at all, and I will do it for you in a heartbeat. You know that.”

Suddenly, the wheels started turning in his head, clicking and bringing a fresh wave of ideas forth as a small smile touched his lips. “Yes, I know.”

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dinner the next day was just as eventful. Sebastian watched his student carefully to see whether or not the façade that had been firmly in place all day would crack and hint again at the thoughtful expression he’d caught a glimpse of during breakfast. Blue eyes had been pinned on him like he was putting him into one of those equations he loved so much. It had unsettled the man, but it was gone as soon as Ciel was questioned about it.

However, those eyes were on his aunt now, gauging and attempting to calculate _something_. He ate today, his hand lifting his fork to his mouth methodically even if he wasn’t quite done what was in his mouth. It was like he was on autopilot- lift, open, take in, lower, lift, open, etc. His skin wasn’t as pale as yesterday, but he was just as silent. Ann didn’t attempt conversation with him- Sebastian learned long ago that Ciel spoke during meals when he wanted to rather than when he was prompted- and instead was chatting with Bard about what spices he and the teacher had used in today’s dinner of homemade lasagne.

“Yeah, and Mr. Sebastian helped me make dessert, too,” Bard said with his normal grin. “You’re going to love it, young master! It’s tiramisu, but it has like a thousand layers and is drizzled in more hot fudge and coupled with homemade vanilla ice cream!”

“Sounds delicious,” Ciel agreed, his eyes still on Ann. Sebastian wondered whether or not he was ever going to share what he was thinking, what had his attention so firmly gripped that he didn’t realise he was nearly done his food and was obnoxiously scrapping his fork along the bottom of his plate. He finished eating this way but then moved onto biting his bottom lip after he was done. Sebastian tried to keep himself from staring too much, but it was impossible when he couldn’t figure out what the hell was going on in the boy’s head.

Finally, he let everyone in. He opened his mouth and possibly the most bizarre sentence came out of his mouth, causing even Tanaka to stare at him like he was an absolute stranger than had just sat down at the table in Ciel’s place.

“Aunt Ann, I want a horse.” 

Ann’s red eyes opened in shock, but she recovered quickly. “Is this about you reading that book in the library about horseback riding? I thought it was for a new toy or something, but I guess not.”

“No, it’s not about a new toy, not yet.” He lifted his chin in the air. “I had an idea, and I want to see if it pans out.”

“Well, share your idea, sweetie. I told you I’m here to listen, and I wasn’t lying about that.” She set down her fork and leaned forwards, an obvious gesture to show her nephew that she was giving him her full attention. Despite the rumours around town that Angelina Durless only cared about parties and patients, Sebastian was happy to see one of the numerous moments when she proved them wrong.

She had two ears, and they were going towards the seventeen year old that those same gossip mongers called weak and shameful. 

Who was also proving them wrong as well. “Well, I decided that if I can’t travel in anything with a motor then I shall just go back to when there weren’t motors. People travelled by horse for centuries, and there’s no reason I can’t fall back on it.” He leaned back in his seat and tucked his arms behind his head. “It’ll give me an eccentric reputation and make people pay attention to the company even more since its head is riding horse.” He smirked to himself and added, “It will also pique their interest in a new line of toys I play on releasing. After all, with all the rabbits, a horse will be a new and welcome addition to the Funtom line. People are already murmuring that the Bitter Rabbit is losing appeal, and I wanted to spice it up.”

Ann moistened her lips, staring at him as the cogs in her head started turning in the direction Ciel’s were. Sebastian couldn’t argue that it was a good idea, but horses weren’t very popular in the area, and the nearest instructor was probably an hour or more away. It was improbable that they would travel all the way to the Phantomhive manor in order for a few hours of instruction, not unless they were offered a nice chunk of change.

“We’ll start looking into an instructor,” Ann finally said, her eyes glazed over slightly as she made a note in her head. Sebastian nodded, but Ciel frowned.

“That won’t be necessary. I’ve read enough on the topic to do it myself. All I would really need is someone to stand there and help me steady the horse if need be.” He took a sip of his water and shrugged. “Finny or Mr. Michaelis could do it for me, honestly.”

“No, it is definitely necessary for you to have someone who is certified to instruct you on how to ride an animal you haven’t even seen before,” Ann objected, crossing her arms over her chest. “The horse could rear, and I doubt that either Finnian or Mr. Michaelis is qualified to calm the horse if need be.” She pulled her phone out of her pocket and unlocked it. “It’s fine, sweetie. I think there’s someone in the next town over that owns horses, and they’ll probably have no problem helping you if we just-”

“Mr. Michaelis can ride horses,” Ciel said quickly. 

Sebastian’s eyebrows rose as he realised that by “Mr. Michaelis” Ciel could only be talking about him. But that couldn’t be right since Sebastian had only ever seen a horse when he was a kid and went to the petting zoo. He’d stroked the mare, but he hadn’t _ridden_ her. He frowned at the boy and was about to correct him, especially when Madam Red looked at him with slightly narrowed eyes, but then Ciel raised an eyebrow back and mouthed something.

_Favour_

Well, shit. Out of all the favours he could’ve asked of Sebastian, he _had_ to ask him something as dangerous as this. He was half tempted to still tell the little brat that _no_ he wasn’t risking his student’s life and his career just over a favour one by a chess game. After all, Madam Red could very easily research to make sure that he truly did know how to ride a horse, and she would fire him in a heartbeat if she found out he had lied and possibly compromised Ciel’s safety for something as stupid as a favour.

But there was something in those blue eyes. Pride and defiance, yes, but also fear. He thought perhaps it was fear over losing the argument, but that didn’t seem quite right. After all, if Ciel truly wanted to ride a damn horse so bad, he would just agree and get another tutor, just like they’d gotten Sebastian for all of his academic lessons. But there it was in those dark sapphires all the same, probably without even Ciel’s knowledge.

So, against all his better judgement, he murmured, “That was many years ago, and the horse wasn’t even really mine.” 

“Then, whose was it?” Ann asked, frowning still as she waited for whatever bullshit he put out to counter it. “A friend’s?”

“No, um.” He rubbed the back his neck. “Embarrassingly enough, it was at the petting zoo. They let you ride the horses if you wish, and one of the helpers decided after the tenth time I visited in a month to give me a few instructions. I can ease a horse into a trot or a canter. Galloping isn’t something that I can do well, but I doubt that the young master will need to gallop any time soon.”

She pursed her lips but eventually sighed, looking at Ciel. “I want you to be _safe_ , okay? Don’t half-ass this just to prove a point, and don’t you dare ride without the protective gear. I’ll stop in town at the sports store tomorrow to pick up a helmet and vest, and we’ll look into getting you a horse.” She chewed on her bottom lip. “I would prefer a Thoroughbred, since they pay more attention to their temperaments, but I’m sure that any breeding will be fine as long as it’s easy to ride and doesn’t give you too much trouble.”

“Thank you,” Ciel said, his smile brighter and all fear completely gone. He got out of his seat and pecked her on the cheek. “You don’t know how much this means to me.”

“You asked me for a horse,” she joked. “Obviously it means a lot.” She glanced back at Sebastian. “I’ll add the lessons into your pay as well. This is technically overtime and I’d rather not have the teacher’s union after me.”

“I’m not really a part of the union,” he assured her, but she waved him off. “Thank you, ma’am. I’ll put the same effort into helping your nephew with this as I have with his lessons.”

“Pfft, I’m sure. And, as always, if he starts acting like an insufferable know-it-all who refuses to listen to reason, just tell me, and I’ll straighten him out.” She got a raised eyebrow from the boy in question and she pinched his cheeks. “You know that you can be like that, Mr. Smarty Pants. You’ve been sure of all the answers since you were born, and don’t you act like you haven’t.”

“Aunt Ann, let go of my face,” he deadpanned, and she just smiled and pinched harder. “What _are_ you- That hurts, you know!”

“Oh, shush. You asked me for this, so indulge me a little- lessons in return for me embarrassing you in front of everyone.” 

“ _Ugh_!”

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

“I can’t ride a horse,” Sebastian said as a greeting in the doorway. Ciel didn’t look up from his Edgar Allan Poe book, choosing to stare at the page as a way to think over his argument for this. Sebastian was no doubt here to back out, and that wasn’t an option.

“Neither can I,” he said dryly, turning the page. “Funny how these things coincide, isn’t it? Now, do you have a reason for interrupting my reading, or can I go back to it?” 

“It isn’t safe for me to help you when I have no idea how to control the beast. You could be thrown off, trampled underfoot, and I would have no way to help you.”

“I didn’t know you cared about me so much,” Ciel teased, sparing him a smirk before going back to his book. “It’s refreshing to know that you’re in it for more than the money, Mr. Michaelis, really. We should play for favours more often if it gives me this much.”

Sebastian stepped fully into Ciel’s bedroom and closed the door behind him. He let out a frustrated sigh and said, “Listen, your aunt will personally ship me to prison if you die on my watch, and guys like me don’t do so well there.”

“Oh? I was unaware there was anything different about you that would draw the attention of the prison inmates. Do you kill women on the weekends and molest children when you’re done?” He kept his tone as neutral as possible, striving for bored, but his voice wavered slightly on the last few words. Sebastian either didn’t notice or didn’t plan on commenting because he shook his head.

“No, but I am gay.”

A slight laugh bubbled out of the boy. “Wow. That came out of the blue.” He tucked his bookmark into the book and snapped it close with a level look at his teacher. “I wasn’t aware that we were sharing sexualities like middle schoolers, but it’s nice to know which way you swing.” He took in the slightly widened garnet eyes and smirked. “What? Were you expecting me to throw you out on your ass, forbidding you from ever stepping onto the property again? Believe it or not, I really don’t care what you screw, as long as it’s not here.” 

“Nice to know,” Sebastian replied with a plastered-on smile. “I wasn’t quite sure how such a sheltered child as yourself would take it, so it’s great to feel like I don’t have to hold back.”

“Oh, shut up,” Ciel snapped, but there was a smiling threatening to pull at his lips. “Besides, we’re not a religious family, so there’s not a whole lot to worry about.” He waved his hand vaguely. “Then, there’s Grell, who might as well be another aunt to me with how much she drops by all the time.”

“Yes, I am well aware of the number of times Grell drops by.” Sebastian shook his head. “She seems to be determined to catch me naked, even if she’s dating that doctor guy she never shuts up about.”

Ciel laughed and rolled his eyes. “Yeah, she seems to really like this one, which is good. Perhaps she’ll start actually spending more time with him than Aunt Ann so all of us can have some peace in our lives.” He crossed his legs and stared at his teacher. “What can I do to convince you to just go through with it?”

Sebastian must’ve picked up the conversation reroute because he just shrugged. “It makes me nervous, having your actual safety to worry about. At least with everything else, all I need to do is worry about you and whatever poison Bard tries to feed you.” He sat on the corner of the huge bed, still far away enough from Ciel that they both felt comfortable. “I just don’t want to screw up.”

“I’m not as delicate as you might think,” Ciel said indignantly. “Plus, we can have Finny tag along as well. Animals love him, so he could probably help you calm down a horse if need be.” He grabbed the pad and pencil he kept on his bedside table and started making a list of all the books he’d found in the library. “These should help you get started. From there, if you’re a Googler, then Google what you need to. I can’t really bring myself to trust it, but a lot of people are perfectly fine with trusting the intelligence of the general populace.”

The teacher accepted his list and skimmed over it. “I’ll look at them. Whatever I can do to get a leg up on this, the better.” He folded it in half twice and slid it in his pocket. “Thank you.”

“Whatever. I need you to agree, so if it works, I don’t care what I do.”

Sebastian stared at him, frowning slightly as he gained the courage to ask whatever was troubling him. He turned more completely towards Ciel and opened his mouth, closed it, then opened it again. “Why… is it that you need _me_ to agree, if I may ask?”

_The same reason Aunt Ann was hesitant to hire another tutor. The same reason I hate Kelvin and never want to see his disgusting face again. The same reason that meeting new people now makes me nervous instead of filling me with joy and allows me to continue my game._

But he couldn’t even begin to open that stupid can of worms; he’d shoved it down far enough that even Diedrich wouldn’t see it. It wouldn’t see the light of day for years, until he finally suffered some sort of mental breakdown and spat out all his issues. Until then, he would keep pushing it down and just shake his head as an answer, lying to Sebastian in order to keep him from digging any more.

“Because, despite my better judgement, I trust you to some extent.” He shrugged and decided to go back to his book. “One less person on the payroll.” 

“And if you _do_ get trampled and you’re in the hospital, am I the first person your finger’s pointing at, because I don’t think I want to get in this if so.”

“I don’t need a damned scapegoat, Sebastian,” Ciel snapped. “I need an in, and you happened to be the most convenient candidate. Aunt Ann doesn’t know your background- the part that’s private and off the web- like she knows the others’, and I needed someone that could have possibly ridden a horse in their life.” Another shrug accompanied by a smirk. “Plus you owed me that favour, so I already had a leg up on you.”

“Yes, the favour.” Sebastian stared at him for a bit longer before asking, “And you are _sure_ you know what you are doing, young master? This isn’t just you acting big and like you know everything? You actually _do_ know most of the basics?”

Did he? He’d read at least five books- the only five books in the library regarding horses- on the subject, and it _really_ couldn’t be _that_ hard. After all, as long as he focused on the reins and his body, then he should be fine in directing the horse and staying on top of it. Of course, he would have to search his closet for the appropriate clothes for the task. His normal stiff clothes of slacks and nice shirts wouldn’t do well, especially when he would have to keep from overheating or perching awkwardly on the horse’s back.

But the thought of his asthma came back to him. After all, he had no idea how taxing it would be on his lungs, and having an asthma attack on top of an animal that required unbreakable concentration would be unwise. Perhaps it was a good thing to have someone like Sebastian there to make sure he was okay and didn’t overexert himself. His aunt wasn’t wrong about his pride, and he normally didn’t worry about it until it came back to bite him in the ass. So, he would have to con one or the other of the servants into watching over him, as much as it pained him to admit.

“I should be fine,” he finally answered. “Your role is to make sure that I don’t slip up on the safety aspect of it. If you need any specific sections to look at other than the actual ‘riding the horse’ sections, get a handle on how to calm a horse and how to rescue a rider if need be.”

“Very well, Mr. Phantomhive.” He stared at Ciel for a moment before asking, “Do you feel bad about not being able to ride in a car? You swore the other day that you have been able to mould your life around it, but it doesn’t seem like you’ve fully gotten over it.” He held up his hands at the boy’s glare. “It is only an observation. I’m not judging you or worrying about you, merely pointing out that you are contradicting yourself.”

“You go to the outside world,” Ciel hissed. “Have you ever heard what they say about the Phantomhive family?” Instinctively, he bunched his fists into the comforter beside him and growled out, “They call me weak. They placed bets on how long it is until I go completely crazy and ruin the company.” He snatched the remote to his television and snapped on the flat screen that hung on the wall across his from his bed. “I’m sure I can find one show or the other where they badmouth my aunt and call Diedrich a quack because they haven’t figured out how to fix me yet, as if they haven’t spent every second of the last almost eight years doing just that.”

“And you let yourself listen to these people? You don’t have them roasted and destroy their careers?” Sebastian demanded. “If it bothers you that much, then get rid of them. You have enough money, your parents had a lot of influence that you could reconnect with, and your aunt has her own power in certain circles.”

“It looks like damage control,” Ciel answered. “I fight so hard to get over this so I can prove them wrong, so I can rub it in their faces that I’m not the broken little china dish they write me as in their stories. Even during interviews, they try to point out my weaknesses, insult my staff, and treat my aunt like she’s some sort of ditz instead of a doctor who has probably worked with them or their wives or their friends.” He squeezed the remote in his hand. “They insult me and those I give two shits about, and I want to shove it in their faces that I can still go into town and kick their asses.”

Sebastian nodded. “Well, after you learn how to ride the horse, perhaps we could look into possibly getting a carriage and another horse to drive you as well. That way if you get sick or aren’t up to travelling, we can move you without having to sedate you.”

“Horse first.” He crossed his arms over his chest and got a nod from his teacher. “That way I can launch the horses without being questioned. I might even release a line of horses that move flawlessly and of their own accord. Many of those girls’ toys move on their own accord, but it’s sloppy and usually throws the rider which is unacceptable. Later, we’ll release a carriage set as well. Perhaps set off an entire Victorian age line.” He grabbed the pencil and paper again and started sketching out rough ideas and making notes. “Many companies have tried, but Funtom will succeed.”

“Of course, young master,” Sebastian agreed with a devious smile. “After all, one is not broken until the fight is gone out of them, and I can see you still kicking and plotting.”

“Damn right.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Horses? Really, Ciel? Why are you doing this to poor Sebastian who had no idea how to ride a horse? Honestly, neither do I, and I- unlike Ciel- like to use Google as a primary search engine for my research. However, despite using several sources, my information might be flawed, so if you ride horses, correct me. If you don't, well, I doubt you'll notice.^^' Still, I am continuing to research to make it as accurate as I possibly can.
> 
> Also, I know I said I don't usually end up double posting, but we're still having the same issues, so enjoy this.^^ Since I am on break, I have oodles and noodles of free time and don't have to dedicate my time to the awful dictators at school.^^ Yay!


	5. Difficult Conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The chapter where Ciel and Sebastian look for a noble steed and Angelina has a heart to heart with Diedrich.

Ciel looked around the stables, blue eyes inspecting each of the fine animals contained in their stalls in the same calculating manner he used while playing chess or solving an equation. Sebastian watched him carefully, but there was nothing quite to be worried about in his expression. After all, he was searching for the horse that would help him on his road to recovery as well as launch a new line of toys that could boost sales for his company.

However, the teen so far refused to touch any of them. No, he was sticking to the “look with your eyes, not your hands” rule that many young kids get ingrained in them. Sebastian took in the Quarter Horses and Mustangs, noting even a few Welsh and Icelandic ponies thrown into the mix. Ciel stopped in front of a Welsh pony, his eyes taking in the mare’s healthy coat and dark eyes with a small smile.

“Hello, Mama,” he murmured, reaching slowly to let her sniff his pale fingers. The animal snorted once and bumped into his hands. “I thought so. You seem like a sweetheart, which must be why they use you for breeding.”

“I beg your pardon,” Sebastian began, frowning, “but how did you know that?”

“No price tag. All the other stalls have a number etched into the doors, but she does not. She’s also strong and good-natured, but I doubt she’s ridden by more than one person.” He looked at the saddle hung up near her stall. “Erica, huh? You have a lovely name.” He slowly ran his fingers through her mane, being very careful not to spook her. “You look well groomed, even though you’re not on the list for selling. Your groom must love you.”

“Just her owner,” a soft voice said from behind them. Sebastian turned to see a thin man with a soft smile standing behind them. His green eyes were warm, and he extended a hand to the teacher. “My name is Alan, Alan Humphries. My partner and I own the ranch.” He brushed the hair from his face with a small hand and pushed his glasses up. “Erica is my horse, one that Eric got me as a gift, and we’re using her to breed with one of the Tennessee studs in the next stable.” 

“How many children has she had?” Ciel asked, still stroking her hair.

“Only one, actually,” Alan admitted with a small laugh. “I only got her two years ago, and I preferred to ride her, not breed her the first year. However, last year, I was unable to ride her as often, so I decided that perhaps she should have a baby to look after rather than me. She looked rather lonely in her stall when we would walk in to show customers the other horses.”

“What caused you to be unable to ride her as often?” Sebastian asked, frowning slightly. “Too busy?”

“Too sick, actually.” He shrugged and stated plainly, “I have a heart condition, one that can leave me hospitalized for weeks if I’m not careful, and it has been getting worse. Erica was bought shortly after I got out of the hospital a couple of years ago as a celebratory gift from Eric.”

“Is that why her name is Erica?” Ciel mused. “You just added an ‘a’ to his name?”

That made the timid man laugh loudly. “No, no, no, but I suppose that can be a good back-up.” Alan ran his fingers along the horse’s flank and smiled at her. “Erica was up for sale because she didn’t mesh well with their other horses, and no one ever rode her, which left her... I’m not sure how to describe it.” He frowned and looked at his horse like she could describe it for him. “It was almost like she had horse depression or something, her eyes filled with this unbreakable sadness.” He shook his head, “So we named her Erica.”

“You had me,” Ciel said, his brows pulling in a frown, “until the last bit. Why would you name her Erica for that reason?”

“Alan likes flowers.” They turned to see the blonde- Eric, Sebastian presumed- that had greeted them when they came now standing in the doorway. “And erica flowers stand for loneliness.” He went to Alan’s side and rested a hand on the brunette’s shoulder, smiling gently as he murmured, “I came because it’s time to take your medicine, all right?”

“Yes, yes.” He shook his head. “Isn’t it ironic that I get to take horse pills to deal with this condition?” He laughed and held his pointer finger and thumb about an inch apart. “They’re like this big. Seriously!”

Sebastian smiled at him. “Well, if you get better, you might be able to ride Erica again.”

Green eyes closed as a small smile turned those lips up. “Yes, that would be nice.” He looked at the horse in question and grinned. “Wouldn’t it?”

She nudged him with her nose as an answer, as if to say, _Well, go ahead, then,_ making her owner laugh. He stroked her a few more times before excusing himself. Eric watched him go with an unreadable expression, but he turned back to Ciel and Sebastian with an easy smile, asking, “So, did any of them catch your eye?”

“Well, I would like a horse that works well with English style riding and is good for beginners. I am inexperienced picking horses, but a few breeds that I was informed work well as Mustangs, Tennessee Walking Horse, Quarter Horses, and the like.” Ciel crossed his arms over his chest. “I just need one that I can ride off the estate and into town.”

“Quarter Horses are great for short distances,” Eric provided, “but I would recommend either a Mustang or the Tennessee Walking Horse if you needed long distance. I will say that we have a very sweet Tennessee mare that came from my stud. She’s in the next stable over if you wanted to check her out.”

He led them to the horse, a copper animal that was named Lenina. She accepted Ciel easily, and Eric smiled. “She isn’t too old, so you should be able to have her until you get your license.” At Ciel’s frown, his expression slipped. “That _is_ why you need her, right? You’re too young to get your license?”

Blue eyes didn’t leave to horse. “No. I need her because I cannot drive. I am of legal driving age, but vehicles and I do not mix.”

“Ah, well, then I will not pry any further.” He quirked an apologetic smile. “I hope I didn’t offend you.” He patted Lenina on the shoulder lightly and smiled at her. “Hopefully, you two will get along. Wanna test her out?”

“Immediately.” Ciel stepped back to let Eric open the door and make the preparations. He watched as the man fit a saddle on the horse, no doubt taking mental notes so that he could teach Finny- the volunteer groom- to do the same. The gardener loved animals and would no doubt love the opportunity to take care of the mare.

“So, is she still outside?” Sebastian asked, keeping his voice low. “I would hate to have to find her in the surrounding forest.”

“She’s not going far,” Ciel reminded him. “Just to talk to her doctor boyfriend for a bit and drive him insane for us. Just be glad that she’s not in here breathing down everyone’s necks.” He smirked at his tutor before turning back to Eric. “Besides, I figured that you would be glad to be as far away from her as possible, especially since she’s determined to… what was it? ‘Have a bite of you?’”

Sebastian shuddered, remembering that conversation well. Grell, Madam Red’s very exuberant friend from the hospital, had promised him that she was going to get a hold of him sooner or later, even if she did have a boyfriend. It was probably harmless teasing, especially after she saw how uncomfortable it made him, but she still liked to follow him around when she dropped by. The redhead had opted to join them in her best friend’s stead to “make sure Ciel doesn’t pick out an ugly horse.”

Lenina was beautiful, perfect as the face for the new line of toys that Ciel had spent several nights in the library perfecting. Sebastian knew that he was determined to master riding quickly so that he could present the idea to the board at Funtom himself. Still, the teen’s determination was leading to sleepless nights and short tempers that made it hard for Sebastian to get him to focus on his studies. He lied about his insomnia, but there were several nights when the man had woken at one to hear a loud commotion in the study. Being a light sleeper, he’d noticed it where all the other servants and Madam Red had not, but he had no idea how to actually broach the subject to his student without getting his head chewed off.

Last night, he had slept through the night, and it seemed like Ciel at least got enough that his fuse was longer than it had been in the last week or so. The dark circles were still present standing out against the boy’s pale skin. He accepted the reins from Eric as the owner showed him how to walk with the horse. They were talking, and Sebastian caught enough to know that the act wasn’t hard but still needed to be properly addressed.

“Confidence is everything with these guys,” Eric was saying, stopping in front of a dirt path. “You can’t act nervous or get all antsy on top of them because they’ll know right away. Even at the beginning, you gotta own this and try to be as calm as possible. Lenina isn’t very skittish, but she’ll rear just as fast as the next horse if you give her reason to.”

“Okay.” Ciel nodded once and gently bumped his head against the mare, breathing softly against her as they looked at the road together. “You ready to do this?” he murmured, almost too low for Sebastian to hear him. The horse, obviously, didn’t answer, but he still looked up at Eric with a small smile. “I’ll need help getting up.”

“Yes, of course.” He moved to left side of the horse. “Mr. Michaelis, can you grab that mounting block from over there? I think Ciel is just a bit too short for me to feel comfortable with him just easing himself on.”

Blue eyes clouded with rage, and Sebastian hesitated. “Well, all he needs is to be able to get his foot in the stirrup, right? I can help him with that if he needs a hand under his foot at first.”

“Just grab the damn block,” Ciel snapped, scowling. His body was tense, but he suddenly just exhaled, letting all of it drain from him. “Right, yes, I need to be calm. Sorry.” He shook his head and patted Lenina to assure her. “Sorry, sweetie,” he crooned quietly. He waved his hand in the direction of the box. “I’d rather be safe than proud, and Aunt Ann won’t even consider this is I can’t prove to her that I’ll be cautious.”

“Of course, my lord,” Sebastian murmured, rushing to get the block. He glanced over at the teen to see the tiniest of smiles on his face. Good, so the gesture hadn’t gone unnoticed. He set the box beside the horse where Eric indicated, and Ciel was eased into the saddle.

Eric led them around the dirt path a few times, Sebastian following behind and to the left, making sure to keep a safe distance away to avoid spooking the horse and the little presents she dropped behind her on occasion. Ciel looked tall, proud atop her. Every so often, Eric would give him tips on his posture or how to turn, but it seemed she was used to the path that she very rarely required Ciel to adjust the necessary pressure. Sebastian recognised the instructions from the books Ciel had lent him, and he made sure to note it in action instead of just in pictures.

“Yeah, and now you just gently press your left leg into her side and pulled the reins to the right,” Eric said proudly. “And you’re going right. Yup, and now stop the pressure. Good.” They came back to the beginning and he nodded with a grin. “I think you two will get along great!”

Ciel stopped on top of her and pulled the reins back, making sure to keep his feet from her belly. “Whoa, whoa.” She snorted and eased to a stop, and he smiled. “Yes, I think so, too.” He held on to her neck and slid his right foot from the stirrup. He slowly swung up and off the horse with Eric’s assistance and nodded when his feet were back on the ground.

“You guys looked great!” Grell stood with Alan near the stable’s entrance. Her smile was wide as she rubbed her hands together. “So, is this the one you would like, Ciel, sweetie?”

“I think so.” He looked at Eric. “What would you recommend?”

“Go for it.” The blonde gestured towards the house. “Would you two like to come fill out the paperwork, or should Ms. Durless be present for that?”

“No, I have all the information,” Grell answered. “And I sent pictures of you riding to Madam Red, and she thought that you two looked good together.”

As those three went towards the large farmhouse that stood in the centre of the property, Sebastian hung back to talk to Alan, who had taken Lenina back to her stall and was stripping her so that he could brush her hair.

“Mr. Humphries,” the tutor began, only to get cut off with a slight laugh.

“Alan, please, Sebastian. It makes me uncomfortable for people to call me by my last name.” He smiled, as if to assure his client that he was fine.

“Alan,” he amended, “I was wondering if you would be able to give me lessons.” At the owner’s raised eyebrow, he sighed. “I know I introduced myself to Eric earlier as Ciel’s instructor, but that was in front of Grell, for her sake.”

“You _aren’t_ his instructor?” He frowned and stopped his grooming. “Then who is?”

“He’s determined that he has enough knowledge to teach himself and requires only someone to watch and keep him safe. However, his aunt disagrees.” He sighed and shrugged. “He is averse to hiring another instructor, even if it would be safer, and I apparently have earned enough of his trust for him to place this responsibility on my shoulders.” 

“Well, if all you need is to keep him safe, the basics will be necessary so you can correct his posture and signals to the horse. Also, I can instruct you on how to calm a horse or to get him off her back quickly if needed. Lenina is sweet-tempered, but if she were to thrown him, a hoof to the face would definitely be best to avoid at all costs.”

“Have you ever been thrown?” Sebastian asked, suddenly nervous. A strange twinging twisted in his gut as images of the beautiful Tennessee crashing down as Ciel screamed in horror. Lenina shifted, and he attempting to keep a calm façade in place.

“I was thrown once or twice, yes,” Alan admitted, “but that was mostly to my own issues. I wasn’t paying proper attention, and a thunderstorm sprung up on Erica and me. Lightning flashed and I was breathless on my back in moments.” He closed his eyes. “Eric was nearby, thankfully, and managed to see to both of us, but even professionals can be thrown if we aren’t careful.” He shrugged. “This isn’t some machine that will move and bend at our fingertips; it’s another living thing. It knows fear and annoyance and will act accordingly, no matter what we’re trying to do.”

“Oh, god, maybe I shouldn’t do this,” he whispered, leaning against the wall, running a hand through his hair. “That boy will get thrown, and I’ll probably-”

“Sebastian,” Alan said softly, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Why don’t you come by next Sunday, when Eric and I have a day off? We can show you how to calm a horse, show you all the proper procedures, and make all of it muscle memory. Then, you can help Ciel if the situation calls for it.” He patted the teacher’s arm. “You seem to care a lot for your student, especially if you were not only willing to listen to his wishes but are now worried about his safety. I trust you to be able to keep him safe if you need to, so calm down, okay?” In an attempt to lighten the mood, he added, “Besides, I think Ciel will tease you if you show signs of not being ready for this.”

_He’s right… damn brat._ He nodded and took a moment to get himself together. “I apologise. It’s just that he’s not always aware of what he gets himself into, and he’s shown me before that he’s willing to forsake his own safety in order to prove a point to me.” He shook his head and sighed. “I just hope he doesn’t push himself beyond what he’s capable of.”

“I’m sure that you two will work well together.” Alan bit his lip. “So, why does he need to ride a horse? When Ms. Durless called us, she made it sound urgent that he find one. Usually, people want horses nowadays to peddle around on their land and lock up for months on end, but she gave me the impression that that wasn’t the case.”

“Haven’t you heard of Ciel?” Sebastian asked. “He’s the heir to the Funtom company, orphaned child of Vincent and Rachel Phantomhive.”

“I have heard of Funtom, of course, but I don’t know much about it.” The thinner man shrugged. “I never really got into the gossip scene, especially if it concerns people’s personal lives.” He shrugged and smiled. “Eric probably has heard of him. He doesn’t like to snoop, but he’s out and about more often than I am.”

“Well, to be put simply, he doesn’t do well with vehicles. Cars, trains, even speedboats are off-limits to him, but he still wishes to travel to the city and back. From what I saw of his plans, he wishes to funnel some funding into a path to ride a horse to and from his manor so that he can conduct his business.” He frowned. “Unfortunately, I’m not at liberty to say much else, and I hope that what little I have shared will be kept between us- or at least between the two of us and your partner. I imagine you two are very close.”

“Yes, we’ve known each other for years.” He smiled and shrugged, as if it was everyday one has a tight bond with their business partner.

“So, how long have you two worked together here?” Sebastian inquired, looking around at the stables. “Several years?”

“About ten. We opened it shortly after we started dating,” Alan supplied, but his face suddenly turned white. “Oh, um, I mean-”

“Don’t worry, Mr. Humphries, your sexuality doesn’t bother any of us.” He frowned. “Is that normally an issue?” Given that the men lived in a more rural setting, it wouldn’t surprise the tutor, especially since he had blanched so quickly. “Have you two been a target out here?”

The brunette frowned slightly. “Just some neighbourhood punks occasionally. Thank goodness, they never go after the horses, but we’ve had to scrub spray paint off the stable walls outside or replace cars that were smashed and egged. Eric deals with it all, since I can’t handle the stress of running around.” He smiled suddenly, the mere mention of his partner seeming to erase some of his discomfort. “He has Detective Abberline on speed dial, and he very much likes to brandish that large scythe that hangs over the door inside the house.”

“Sebastian,” Ciel said from the doorway, making the two men turn. “We’re leaving.”

“Yes, of course.” He smiled at Alan, who was currently lighting up at the sight of his partner behind the teen. “I hope to see you soon, Mr. Humphries, Mr. Slingby. Have a pleasant afternoon.”

“You, too,” Alan returned, taking Eric’s extended hand.

After the three of them got to the car, Ciel pulled out the tablets that Diedrich had prescribed to him for absolutely necessary car rides. Taking one with the water that Grell held out to him, he settled into the backseat, his head on the redhead’s lap so she could stroke through his hair. Within ten minutes, he was completely asleep, so dead to the world that not even an eighteen-wheeler would wake him up. Sebastian nodded but frowned slightly when he was sure that Grell wasn’t looking at him. While he understood the necessity of it, he doubted that it was healthy for the teen to be taking medication like that. The two adults had offered to Skype with him so that he could see the horse from the comfort of his home, but he had refused and had demanded that Diedrich refill his prescription the past Saturday during their weekly session.

Obviously, it had happened shortly after a shouting match that Ciel refused to talk about. Sebastian had thought little of it considering Ciel tends to get worked up almost every time Diedrich moved towards the subject of his parents’ deaths, but when the psychiatrist had matched his volume, nearly all of them had gravitated towards the study. Madam Red had demanded that the doctor leave immediately, which ended in more shouting between the three of them.

Glancing in the mirror at the boy on his “aunt’s” lap, he sighed. He just wished that Ciel could find some peace in his life, no matter what he asked his teacher to do in order to achieve it.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

“No, _you_ listen to _me_ ,” Ann snarled into the mouthpiece. “That boy has been through enough without you adding stress to his life.”

“I don’t baby him, Angelina,” Diedrich snapped, and she heard him shifting in his seat. “You decided that the best way for him to deal with his problems is to not deal with them at all. I can’t help Ciel if you don’t make an effort to unwrap him from your little protective cocoon.”

How _dare_ he? “And what? In case you weren’t aware, he tried to ride in a car not that long ago and barely made it a couple minutes down the road before he collapsed. What can I possibly do that I haven’t already?” She paced, the staccato of her heels stabbing into the marble floor as she tried to keep her temper in check. “And then you come in here, forcing him to talk about it, as if you two haven’t run through every single angle of that night anyways. You know how it affects him! You know that, and yet you do it almost every single week!”

“Well, that is the stressor, is it not? Every single insecurity, every part of him that is afraid has roots in their deaths.” She heard a slam, like his hand hitting a desk. “So, yes, dammit, we talk about it. And every time we begin the conversation, I try a new way of getting him to open up about, hoping that that way is less triggering than the last. No, I don’t like when he gets stuck in flashbacks, but that’s what PTSD _is_. It’s flashbacks, it’s insecurities, it’s burying things so far down that they only come up in your sleep or when you completely break down.”

She sighed impatiently. “So, what, are you saying that there’s more? That there’s something else that makes him lose it embedded in those memories?” 

“Quite possibly. I don’t know. We spent so long trying to keep him calm afterwards that I didn’t get to it before he shut it out. He probably doesn’t even know what’s really the issue, but we’ll never know unless he opens up and remembers _everything_ from that night.” She heard him exhale slowly. “The anniversary is in what, two months?”

“Yes. Today is October 15.” Ann frowned and stopped pacing. “Do you think he’ll get terrors this year?”

“It’s very likely, I’m afraid. Whatever is haunting him does it best when his guard is down.” There was a hum. “What about this Michaelis guy, eh? How do the two of them get along? He never wants to talk about him, and the guys never shows his face when I’m there.”

“He and Ciel haven’t had many issues since he moved in. There was the incident with the car, but otherwise they are all right. Why? Is there something wrong with him?” _If there is and he hurts Ciel, I promise that what happened to Kelvin will look like a fucking slap on the wrist. Not only will I castrate him, but I’ll-_

“No, no, not that I know of. I was just curious. Usually Ciel’s somewhat open about the servants and you, but Sebastian seems to be his kryptonite. I’m not sure if it’s because he doesn’t care about the man, or if…” Diedrich trailed off, making her heart race as she waited.

“Or if what?” she demanded.

“Ah, well, now that I think about it, it seems more unlikely, so I think I’ll just leave it at that.” He was trying to avoid the subject, which made Ann suspicious.

“No, tell me. Or if what?” Her patience, which was short enough when it came to Diedrich, was wearing out. “Seriously, I hate it when you keep shit from me when it concerns Ciel’s well-being. Do you think Sebastian is a threat? Do I need to launch another background check on him?”

“No, it’s just that…” Now the German was uncomfortable. “The last person he was like this with was Sieglinde for about three months, and it was because he’d developed a slight attraction to her that only lasted that long.”

“Oh, you think you’re funny, huh?” She shook her head with a laugh. “First of all, Sieglinde and Ciel were _just friends_ , and he hates it when anyone implies otherwise. Second of all, if Sebastian touched my nephew in any way that makes anyone feel uncomfortable, he’ll be unemployed. So, you’ll have to think of a different theory.” Honestly, what type of creep did this guy have to be to imply that the teacher liked his student? “Now, I was calling to tell you that they found a horse.”

“Good, good. He did talk about that a little, especially when he said he wanted low-grade sedatives so that he could ride to and from the stables.” There was a drumming noise, like fingers on a desk. “I believe that this will be beneficial to him, or else I wouldn’t have allowed it. After all, he’ll be able to travel on his own terms, he’s expressed want for a pet for a while, and he feels it will help him pitch an idea for toys based around horses.” She nodded, remembering the plans that Ciel had showed them all in the library the other night as a way to narrow in on the final blueprints.

“Her name is Lenina, Grell said. And Ciel looked really great on top of her, so they should get along great when they begin the lessons.” She worried her lower lip between her teeth and tried to find the courage to ask the next question, especially since she wasn’t so sure what the answer would be. But, it had popped into her head the week before, and his comment earlier had her focused on it even more.

“Diedrich, do you think I’ve done a good job raising Ciel? Like, do you think that Rachel and Vincent would have approved?” she asked in a small voice.

There was silence on the other end, and her heart stopped. He was probably thinking of the best way to sugar coat it so that it didn’t hurt as much. She braced herself for it, but tears were already prickling in her eyes.

Except, all he muttered was an annoyed, “What type of dumb question is that? Are you fishing for compliments, Angelina?” She blinked twice but didn’t get a chance to say that _no_ , she was _not_ when he added, “Ciel loves you. You love Ciel. You keep him safe from the freaks out there that try to take advantage of him, and you’ve provided him with everything to keep him comfortable. You sacrificed your life in the limelight to keep him company and because hearing them whisper about him hurt more than leaving most of your friends. Hell, even though you hate me, you hire me back because I’m the one that Ciel trusts, and I know you don’t like it but you do it for him.” There was a pause. “I think Rachel and Mole would be proud of both of you. They weren’t shallow people, and they would think the world of you for doing all this for him.”

Okay, she was not expecting that. Her heart stopped, and the tears were definitely there now, even though she was pretty sure that she could never have been happier. She swallowed past the lump in her throat and choked out a tiny, “Thank you.”

“Oh, geez, I didn’t make you cry, did I?” he asked. She tried to lie but all that came out was a shuddered exhale. “ _Shit_. Look, please don’t cry. I just thought if I didn’t say all of it that you wouldn’t believe me.” The chair groaned on the other end, and she heard him get up. “I know Rachel wouldn’t want you worrying about all this, so don’t. Besides, I was with you on the same boat there for a while until someone told me the same thing.” He chuckled a bit. “Some stupid redhead woman who sat with me at his bedside after he had a panic attack and assured me that Mole wouldn’t be mad at me and wouldn’t think that I was failing his son.”

“I’m stupid now?” she joked. He laughed with her, and she felt a weight lift off her chest. Wiping the tears from her eyes, she said softly, “Thank you, Diedrich. You can be nice after all, huh?”

“Don’t expect me to show it often. It takes a lot of work, and you’ll ruin my reputation. I’m the grumpy German, remember? Can’t get all soft or I’ll lose their respect.”

She smiled. “No, no, not a soul. I wouldn’t even dream of telling. Cross my heart.” She made an X over her heart for emphasis, even though he couldn’t see her. “So, can I trust you’ll be here next Saturday to look at the stable that they’re building? Bard and Finny have been spending every spare second on it so that it looks nice for Ciel.”

“Yes, expect me there at exactly ten o’clock, as usual.” They waited in silence for a moment before he spoke up again. “Angelina, why aren’t you married?”

Her eyes widened momentarily, but she just shook her head. “I never really thought about getting married. There was a guy who I dated for a while back when I was younger, but he died. After that, it didn’t seem as important to me.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.” She shrugged; it had been many years ago and didn’t hurt as much anymore. Rachel helped her get over the loss immediately and had helped her open her shell again. “I’m sorry that I asked. I hope I haven’t ruined your mood.”

“It’s been several years since John died. I may miss him, but his memory no longer makes me sad.” She laughed a little. “We weren’t really too close, like one would expect. I think the reason we lasted so long was because I was still in med school and he was always at work.” She heard the sound of a car approaching, and she walked over to the window. “I have to go, Diedrich, okay? They’re home, and I want to be there in case Ciel needs help.”

“Got it.” He sounded distant, like she’d said something wrong. “I’ll see you all on Saturday. Have a nice week.”

“You, too,” she murmured with a small sigh. She heard the phone click to tell her that he’d disconnected, and she put her phone on a nearby table before racing to the door. Sebastian might need her help carrying Ciel since Grell definitely wasn’t going to do it.

Thankfully, Ciel was able to stand after they woke him up. All he required was a firm grip on Sebastian’s sleeve and plenty of time to shuffle up the steps. She took the pill bottle before it slipped out of his fingers and smiled down at him, trying to put all signs of her conversation with Diedrich out off of her face.

He caught it anyways. “Why were you crying, Aunt Ann?” he mumbled, rubbing his fist over his eye like a tired toddler.

“You were crying?” Grell demanded. “Why? Who do I have to hurt? Okay, well, I probably won’t hurt them, but William will _so_ bust in a few faces if I promise to go down on him, and that’s a win-win situation. Give me a name.”

She waved her hand. “No name. Just saw one of those really cheesy but sad movies on television, and it made me cry a little is all.” She shrugged. “Unless you wanna go after Nicholas Sparks, then have at it.”

“Oh, Red, tell me you were _not_ watching _The Notebook_ because you know you waterworks watching that movie every single time.”

_Perfect. Thank you, Grell._ “It’s a good movie, and I love re-watching it, even if it hurts.” She ruffled Ciel’s hair while he was too drowsy to fight back. “How did you stay on the horse if you were like this?”

“We talking to Eric for a long time before actually going to see the horses,” Sebastian supplied. “He was fine after about ten minutes.”

“Mm-hm. All I really need is a cup or two of tea, and I’ll be fine.” They crossed over the threshold, and Mey Rin came in from the kitchen, holding said cup of tea. “Oh, Mey, you’re the best, you know that.”

She blushed. “I just figured you might need it after such a long day is all, sir. It’s a breakfast blend, so it should be fairly caffeinated.”

“Thank you.” He accepted the tea and took a sip of it, blue eyes lighting up. Ann smiled at the maid in thanks of her own and continued to stroke her nephew’s hair. “So, you saw Lenina?”

“I did, and I think you two will get along.” She smiled down at him. “The stable should be finished in a couple of days at the rate those two are going, and then I’ll pay for them to transport her down here. Perhaps while they’re doing that, we can inquire about a good place to get a trailer for whenever you can’t ride her home and she needs to be in her stable.” They moved to the sitting room and filled the two couches- men on one and women on the other. “And riding her doesn’t bother you?”

“No. I don’t feel the way I do when I’m in a car when I’m riding her. In fact, as long as I cover the basics and have Mr. Michaelis there to make sure I ride her right, then I should be fine.” He looked over at his teacher. “Thank you for accompanying me.”

“Don’t need to thank me for doing what I should, young master.”

Diedrich’s words came back to her, and she watched them both for any sign that there could be an attraction. After Kelvin, she was sure she was being vigilant, but they were together alone for most of the day. Ciel didn’t seem to hold anything more than grudging but nearly hidden respect for the teacher, and the man beside looked at his student with a cool mask of indifference. She wondered about that for a moment before she saw his eyes.

Compassion. They were filled with compassion and concern and all sorts of weird emotions that would be carefully masked while Ciel looked at him. She knew now that her nephew hated seeing those emotions, and Sebastian was probably well aware of that fact. His body, however, was away from the teen, not touching him even when Ciel raised the teacup to his mouth. He wasn’t crowding the teen or even turned in his direction, facing Ann and Grell.

She smiled, feeling a wave of relief crash over her. She wasn’t sure how so many predators managed to get into the system, but it looked like Mr. Michaelis was not one of them. Mey brought in a small cart of tea and sandwiches for them before scurrying off. Ann served herself and Grell while Sebastian topped off Ciel’s before serving himself. His student nodded in thanks before taking a bite of an offered sandwich.

“Eric agreed that he can teach me how to canter and gallop when he’s sure that I have the rest of it down correctly and have had sufficient practice,” Ciel said after finishing what was in his mouth. “He said that it might take a little bit but by then I should be able to at least trot with Lenina to the farm.”

“Yes, and I’ll begin funding for paths to be made so that you can travel safely on horseback without worry of getting run over.” She nodded and grinned at him. “I’m actually really excited for all this, Ciel. And I’m so proud of you.”

“Yeah, yeah, you can be proud of me after I make it to the city and back.” He frowned. “I will say that after that we may have an increased presence of paparazzi. Should we prepare for that, or have we already done so?”

“What do you think we keep the servants around for?” Ann joked, but she still let her expression slip into something a bit more serious and nodded. “Yes, we all have the paparazzi drill down. We do it so well, in fact, that you don’t even know we’ve taken care of it sometimes.”

“Really?” he asked, frowning. She saw something dark cross over his eyes, and she mentally cursed when he admitted, “I honestly had no idea. I’m sorry you get put through so much trouble.”

“It’s no trouble, honey. We love watching some jerk bag get his camera shot through four hundred feet away or have his car flipped because he didn’t pay attention to the ‘No Trespassing’ signs. Plus, since we posted them, Detective Abberline listens to us more often than them.”

“That’s because Fred Abberline is a good man who hates when people break the law and make the world unsafe.” He shrugged. “He also took me under his wing after the accident and at the hospital when the press kept trying to weasel in there.”

“And he’s a good guy to have on your side.” She patted his knee. “I’ll see if I can get him to escort you when you reach city limits from now on; I’m sure it’ll ease both of our worries.”

“Don’t jump the gun,” Grell reminded. “After all, we have no idea how long it’ll take Ciel to learn how to ride, and we don’t want Abberline to get antsy while he does.”

“That reminds me,” Ciel said after finishing his tea and standing. “I want to see the progress Finny and Bard have made on the stables.”

Ann stood as well, followed by Sebastian and Grell. “Well, right this way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that this is somewhat late. Most of July was spent on vacation and with family, and then I came home to launch into my summer work for school. However, here's a new chapter, and bam there we go.
> 
> I love The Most Beautiful Death in the World, despite the ending, so I planned from the beginning to put Alan and Eric in there somewhere. So, I figured that they would work together, and it seemed to make the most sense. Also, I had an excuse to name the horse Erica that way. I read Brave New World for my summer reading, so that's why Ciel's horse is named Lenina. She definitely won't have the same personality as the character she was named after, but it seemed like a good name.
> 
> I did what research I could on the Tennessee Walking Horse, but I'm sure there's a better reference out there than what I used. If that breed isn't good for what Ciel needs, _please_ tell me so I don't screw up. XD I was really thankful that some of you guys commented and told me you'd steer me i the right direction. I strive to make my stories as accurate as possible, but sometimes life is the best research tool.^^
> 
> I apologise if I made Ann and Dee's conversation a bit too serious or angsty. I see them getting along well, unless it has something to do with the best way to raise Ciel and get him help. The stressor that Diedrich keeps mentioning will show up eventually, but for now you will have to wait and see.
> 
> I am in school again, and things actually get a bit more regular with school because I don't allow myself to get as distracted. Also, I have access to the library regularly at school, so yay. C: 
> 
> (I don't have a Beta. I know authors do that, but I have no idea who to even contact for that, so please excuse any mistakes I missed.)


	6. In Poor Health

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poor Ciel takes one step forward and two steps back, but new characters are introduced.

_Fire. Bright red fire burning every inch in front of him, climbing up the walls and filling the room with its noxious fumes. His skin was scorching hot, even as he attempted to stay away from the flames as he fled his room. The door opened easily enough, but he was faced with a wall of red crackling in the space in front of him._

_”Help!” he screamed, not caring about the hysteria in his voice. “Aunt Ann, please, help me!” There was no reply, not even a cough that let him know that his aunt was still alive down the hall. No, he was alone once again, staring at his parents’ murderer. The flames greedily swallowed up the hallway carpet, inching towards him and licking at his ankles. He yelped and ducked back into the room, slamming the door behind him. The fire was still in the room, burning worse than before. This was bad; this was so bad._

_He looked around in a panic for something to put the fire out enough for him to make a path, but there was nothing. He was trapped in his room, about to be killed by the same thing that had claimed his parents’ lives. His imagination drew up the image of burning soldiers, and he whimpered. It quickly supplied him also with the vision of his own skin slowly burning off and his bones charring with the same black dust that was filling the air._

_Suddenly, his eyes moved towards the window, and he scrambled over to it. After turning the lock, he heaved it open and looked down at the ground below. Two and a half stories up, it was more likely that jumping would kill him rather than save his life, but hopefully this death would be more sudden than dying by burning._

_“Go ahead and jump, Ciel,” a woman said from behind him. He turned, a gasp slipping from his lips as he saw the beautiful face that Aunt Ann often compared to his. “After all, that’s what you’re used to doing to survive, right? Out the window and leave the rest of your family to die.”_

What? _“Mom, what are you talking about? I never would have left you guys! I couldn’t move!” he yelled, confused by the harsh glare in her eyes. He’d never seen his mom look like that, her face twisted by anger and malice. “I wanted to save you, I promise!”_

_“Obviously not enough,” he heard from his bathroom. He snapped his head to look in that direction and saw his father, a smirk on his face that was so unlike his normal playful on. “No, if you’d wanted to save us that much, you would have, right? Except, you didn’t, that’s why you lay there on the ground and let us burn in that car.”_

_“I had a concussion! I had a broken leg! The doctors said I should have died when I was ejected from the car!” he argued, tears welling up in his eyes._

_“Then why didn’t you?” Rachel asked sweetly. “Obviously if you loved us enough, you wouldn’t have abandoned us like you did.” She pointed to the window, his only escape. “You were prepared to leave Ann, Sebastian, and your loyal servants to die without even trying to save them, and you try to tell me that you didn’t_ want _to leave us to die?” She shook her head. “No, I think you have no problem leaving people to die, just to save your own skin, you selfish boy.” The tears ran down his cheeks, heart breaking at her words. “I thought we raised you better.”_

_“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry.”_

_“Sorry won’t bring us back, Ciel.” Vincent walked towards him. “No, you wanted to escape- then and now.” Him and Rachel were cornering him against the window, starting to look more like the people he knew, but their expressions were still slightly off. He backed away from them, his hips soon brushing up against the windowsill. “Look at you, still thinking of going out the window. Since you’re so eager to leave everyone behind again,” his father said with a smile, “let Mommy and Daddy give you a hand.”_

_“No! No, please!” he yelled. However, they were already grabbing onto his night shirt and shoving him out the open space of the window. As he fell screaming towards the ground, all he saw was the smiling faces of his parents as they waved him goodbye._

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ann woke up to screaming. Her eyes snapped open, and she shoved the blankets away from her body so that she could rush out the door to her room. Ciel was obviously having one of his nightmares, and she wanted to get to him as quickly as possible. His door was down the hall from hers, so it didn’t take too long to get to him.

Yanking open his door, she found him sitting up in his bed, hand over his heart as he wheezed. She went to his side, fingers going to stroke his hair, but he slapped her hand away. Her eyes widened in surprise at his harshness, especially since he’d never denied this before, but she could tell he was still in the haze of his dream. Sitting beside him on the bed, she watched him with worried eyes as he struggled to gain control of himself.

By the time he was breathing easier, she could hear whispers from the hallway. She tried again to stroke his hair, and he let her, leaning into the touch. She let out those drawn out and soothing shushes that seemed to work for him as she turned towards the doorway. Though she was sure the others were in the hall as well, Tanaka stood there, eyes full of slight concern but the same fire that had never dimmed in all these years.

She nodded to him, and he bowed slightly, leaving for the kitchen. She was thankful that his calming presence was here, always prepared to help her with anything when she needed it. Her job was to be with Ciel in his time of need, and Tanaka would get her the best medicine money could buy for nightmares.

When he brought it back, she accepted it gratefully and turned back to her nephew, kissing his temple. “Here, sweetheart. Tanaka made you some warm milk. He even put honey in it for you. Why don’t you have some?” His fingers reached out for the mug, and she helped him ease some of it into his mouth, holding his trembling hands steady so it didn’t spill on his nightclothes. “How is that?”

“Better,” he murmured, his voice so tiny. Ann wanted to sigh, knowing that this nightmare had to be pretty bad for him to be this shaken up. She helped him as he slowly finished the mug, and he let her tuck him back into bed. She continued to stroke his hair and said every reassurance she could think of.

“Everything will be fine. It was only a nightmare, and you’re safe right here. I’m right here with you.”

“I didn’t want to leave you,” he whispered before his face crumpled and he sobbed, “I promise I didn’t want to!”

“Ciel, honey, it’s okay,” she told him quickly. “What are you talking about? You haven’t left me at all.”

“I was going to leave you.” He sounded so ashamed, his voice hushed and raspy from trying to whisper over to tears. “To save myself, I was going to, just like I left them.” He pulled away from her and buried his face in his pillow. “They hate me; I know they do! They hate me and they wish I had died with them instead of being so selfish!” He shook under the blankets, making her heart stop as he whispered, “I wish I had died, too.”

_Oh, god, he’s talking about Rachel and Vincent._ “Honey, your parents could never hate you. They would never want you to die.” She hugged him over the comforter and tried to get through to him. “Whatever your dream was about, it was _just that_ \- a dream. Your mom and dad loved you more than anything on Earth. They loved you more than anyone could ever love their child. Why would they want you dead if they loved you so much?”

“Because I left them,” he moaned. “I didn’t stay in the car, and I didn’t try to save them.” He sobbed harder before he curled into a ball under the blankets so she couldn’t see him. “I left them there to die,” he whispered, and she put her hand over her mouth. Was this what was haunting him?

She gently pulled the blankets off of him, making him whine. “Ciel?” He didn’t answer, just continued to shake and cry. When a tremor ran through him and he began to cough, she got desperate. “Ciel Phantomhive, look at me right now,” she snapped, guilt stinging her as he flinched, but he looked up at her, sapphire eyes red-rimmed and still full of tears. She wiped his tears away and sighed softly as she lowered herself to her knees by his bed. “There you are, honey. Are you listening?

“You would have _never_ been able to save them.” His face twisted up. “Hey, hey, no. None of that. It’s true, and it’s not because you didn’t want to. I _know_ that you would have saved them if you could.” She pressed her forehead to his for just a second. “You almost died, okay? You were _dying_ as you lay there that night; you know that.” A knot lumped in her throat, and she swallowed as tears welled up in his eyes. “But you didn’t. You survived, and there is _no reason_ to feel bad about that.”

“But why did I survive?” he whispered, voice hoarse. “Why did I survive when they didn’t? Why couldn’t I have just died along with them?”

“Because,” she started, voice hesitant in case he didn’t think that she was right, “you were meant to.” He scoffed, the noise harsher because of his sore throat, but she shook her head. “Let me finish. You were meant to survive. You gave the people who live here a purpose, you inspire countless people, and you made me a better person.” She shook his shoulders. “You gave me a second chance, Ciel, and I got to be a mother, in a way, because of you.” Ann smiled as best she could. “So, stay with me, okay? I don’t know what my life would be without you, and I’m _so_ glad you’re alive. I’m so very glad.”

His thin arms wrapped around her, and she stood up so that she could hug him. He sobbed into her shoulder, and she buried her face in his hair, unable to hold back her own tears as she continued to murmur, “I love you. I love you so much. I’m so glad you’re alive.”

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Diedrich had gained weight. He wasn’t proud of the fact, but it wasn’t a huge shock. After all, his metabolism had slowed, even if his calorie intake hadn’t. Actually, it had grown for a couple of years after Mole’s death as he cured his depression with the short-lived endorphin rush that came with consuming chocolate. However, after him and Angelina had argued one day over the ghosts that haunted them, she had pointed out that he’d lost his credibility to scold her since it was obvious how well he was handling Vincent’s death. 

However, he’d reached the age and weight where losing it wouldn’t be easy, so he just worked to not gain anything else and make sure that he was otherwise as healthy as a horse. He had back problems, though, and sometimes he was a little sore and tired after a day of sitting in his chair and working with clients.

So he naturally grumbled a little when he was woken up at three in the morning by a loud knocking on the front door of his apartment. He struggled for just a second to get out of bed since his leg had fallen asleep, but he managed to hobble over to the door after only one repetition of the knocking. He checked his appearance once to make sure he was mostly decent and made sure that his pistol was in reaching distance. He’d had his fair share of break-ins, and he was sure that anyone knocking at three wouldn’t be over if all they wanted was a friendly visit.

The first thing he saw when he opened the door was red. _Of-fucking-course_ , he thought bitterly before greeting, “Hello, Angelina.”

“Ciel blames himself for Vincent and Rachel’s deaths,” she answered instantly, walking into his home without even asking. He sighed as she sat down on his couch and closed the door behind her. She should be thankful that it was a Saturday- _Yes, Saturday morning_ , his mind added snarkily, as if he had forgotten- since he only had to meet Ciel in the afternoon and not any of his other clients.

Still, she had said something completely outrageous. “No, he doesn’t. The two of us worked on that immediately after the accident.” The lad had said that it was his fault that they had died, no doubt because it was his birthday presents they had gone out to shop for, and Diedrich had assured him that it had been his parents’ choice to go out that night. After all, no one could have predicted that that teenager would have swerved in front of them, least of all Ciel. After a couple months of reassurance, he had been pretty sure they’d nipped that idea in the bud.

Apparently not. “No, he had a nightmare tonight,” Angelina said, her face pinched with worry. He sat in the armchair closest to her and took in her appearance. She must’ve come over as soon as Ciel was asleep again since she hadn’t even taken the time to put on anything other than some sweatpants and a jacket, let alone put on her normal mask of make-up. He’d never seen her in anything less that cherry red lipstick, and he had to say that it wasn’t that awful.

“Ciel has nightmares often,” he reminded her as he snapped his mind away from that train of though. Jesus, he was tired. “How was this one any different?”

“Well, for one, he refused to let me touch him afterwards,” she argued, eyes filling with indignation. “Second, considering he rarely wakes me up when he has them anymore, the most he ever does once he calms down is apologise for waking me and going to sleep. No, this time he began crying and said that he had left Vincent and Rachel to die.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “Does that sound any different than his normal nightmares, you asshole?”

“He said he left them to die?” he asked, confused. “But he didn’t even move, let alone leave them. He _couldn’t_ move. I thought he knew that.” He ran through everything that happened when he started seeing the boy in the hospital. The doctors had told all of them, in the firmest voice possible, that the fact that Ciel had survived was a miracle. There was more wrong with the boy than good, and they had even been worried at first that he’d never walk right again. The boy had outgrown the necessity of a cane after a year, and he’d healed physically.

“I thought he did as well.” She ran her hand through her already mussed red hair, and he wondered how much sleep she’d gotten tonight. “But he was hysterical, saying that he was selfish and had saved himself while leaving them die.”

“God, where did he get that idea?” He closed his eyes and tried to put himself in his godson’s mind. “I suppose that would be something that a ten year old would think in the recesses of his mind,” he muttered, adding in a louder voice, “But for a boy as logical as him to let the idea perpetuate in his head like that, I just can’t see it.”

“Do you think that’s why he doesn’t like cars?” she asked desperately. “Because he feels that he caused his parents’ death last time he was in one?”

“Maybe,” he admitted, “but I’m not quite sure that’s the reason.” He shook his head. “I don’t think that that would be enough to cause an aversion to it, even for a child. And it seems to be the vibration of the motor that causes him to panic, rather than the car itself.” He walked over to the file cabinet in his attached dining room and pulled out Ciel’s. He added what Angelina had told him on a separate sheet of paper, so he could pick it back up when he wasn’t so exhausted.

“I wish that I had gone into psychology instead of gynaecology,” she said darkly. “At least then I could be of a little bit more help to him.”

“You do plenty,” he assured her. “It’s very good that Ciel went to you rather than me when Mole and Rachel died.”

“Really?” she asked, her voice letting him know she didn’t believe him. “Because last time I checked, I haven’t done him a lick of good, and you’ve even said that I just baby him when he needs me to stop sheltering him.”

_Dammit, I really don’t need this right now._ “Yes, you do baby him, but I would be too gruff in your place. There’s a reason I never got married, Angelina, and it’s not for lack of trying.” He shrugged. “I was just too bearish when it came to people. While my methods work for my job because the people who come to me need that sort of confrontation, children do not. I don’t think I could have kept my cool with him all the time when he started acting like a brat.”

“It’s hard,” she admitted. “But I could never be harsh with Rachel’s son.” 

“That’s why I had no trouble letting him live with you. Besides, you were more familiar to him. What would be better for a boy who had been recently and violently orphaned- his aunt who played with him as a child and could make him smile or the gruff German friend of his father who usually only visited every so often or when his father called him over?” At her frown, he nodded. “Exactly. You were just the person for him, and I’m sure he’d very thankful that you did get him instead of me.”

“Don’t sell yourself short,” she argued. “You’ve helped him so much. I remember when every night he woke up screaming and there was hardly a week where we weren’t calming him down from a panic attack. Now, he’s more at peace, even if he isn’t completely there.” Seemingly unable to help herself, she squeezed his hand. “Thank you.”

“As if I could do anything else,” he said awkwardly. When the hell did Angelina touch him of her own accord, except to slap him? “I care about him, too, and it’s so frustrating that I didn’t even realise this had been plaguing him for so long.”

“Same,” she agreed. “I guess we both fucked up, huh?”

“I guess we did.” He sees her yawn. “Would you like some coffee?”

“No, no, I couldn’t take up anymore of your time.” She stood up and smiled gently at him. “I’m sorry for waking you so early. I just didn’t know who else to talk about this with.”

He stood as well. “Well, I’m glad you did. Now I can go into the session with this information rather than digging it out of him. Are you sure you don’t want anything caffeinated? I’d hate for you to fall asleep behind the wheel.”

She waved him off. “Bard drove me. He’s outside with a full travel mug of black coffee right now, and he’s assured me plenty of times that he’s able to lose sleep without much difficulty.” That’s right; the man had served in the military for a couple of years. “Thank you anyway,” she said, and he nodded.

“Get on home and get some sleep, Angelina,” he told her. “You look like you need it.”

“Take your own advice,” she returned before leaving his apartment. He stared at the closed door for a few moments, trying to think of what he’d done in a past life to have to deal with the redhead in this one.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ciel didn’t get out of bed. In fact, Madam Red had called Diedrich to reschedule his appointment because the boy had a sudden and unexplainable fever. She’d been able to nurse him until noon, when the hospital had called her and said that she was needed immediately for a difficult C-section. So, taking care of the boy had fallen into Sebastian’s hands, and he wasn’t sure how he felt about it.

Thankfully, he was usually too out of it to be a brat, so that was the teacher’s saving grace. As he dabbed the boy’s forehead with a cool, damp cloth, he looked down into those hazy eyes with a small smile. Madam Red had sent for the doctor before she left to look over him, figure out what was causing him to suddenly have a fever of one-hundred-two-point-four, and so far he hadn’t showed up. He tucked the blankets around the teen’s shivering frame a little more solidly and tried to think of something to say to him.

“I was unaware that you had a degree in medicine,” Ciel mumbled, blinking slowly up at him. His teacher chuckled and shook his head. “Then, what the hell are you doing here?”

“You’re still feverish after a couple of hours of medicine and cold compresses, and your aunt didn’t feel comfortable leaving you up here all alone until the doctor comes. So, shut up and don’t overwhelm yourself.” He sighed. “Honestly, you’d think that you’d be eager to get more rest.”

“Fuck you,” the teen snarled, but it lacked any real bite. He wiggled himself in the blankets further and flopped his head back on the pillow. “When’s my next dose?”

“Not for another hour. Would you like some soup or anything else that’s light? I could make you some hot tea if you want.” 

“That would be nice,” he admitted. Sebastian smiled and stood, but his sleeve was snatched up by thin fingers. He looked down at the face hiding in the blankets, Ciel having burrowed his way down further out of embarrassment, and raised an eyebrow.

Barely audible, he only got a small mutter of, “You better come back quickly.”

“Of course, my lord. I wouldn’t dream of leaving you to die in this pitiful state.” He got his sleeve back, ignoring what sounded distinctly like a weak “bastard” from under the blankets, and made his way downstairs.

Finny was pacing back and forth in the parlour, letting out tiny whines his face dripped with tears. As soon as he heard Sebastian walking down the stairs, he looked up, let his face contort, and let out the most god awful wail. In a blur, he was suddenly clinging to Sebastian’s suit and burying his face in the thankfully inexpensive button down. The teacher sighed and gently pried the boy away from his body. He didn’t look injured, so something must have happened that made him cry like this.

“Finnian, what’s wrong?” he asked as kindly as he could. He still had to make Ciel his tea in a swift enough manner that the boy didn’t think he was being abandoned. “Did something happen in the garden?”

“M-Mr. Sebastian,” he blubbered, wiping at his eyes with the sides of his fists like a tiny child would. “I-I messed up so bad!”

“Well, tell me, and we’ll see if we can’t sort it out,” the older man promised, looking around for any assistance. The other three servants were nowhere to be found.

“W-Well, the doctor, you see, came in, and I… and I-” His features warped again, and Sebastian felt his heart sink. This wasn’t going to be good. Surely enough, it wasn’t because then Finny bawled, “ _I spilled my bag of soil all over him!_ ”

Sebastian stared at him for a moment, waiting for him to add more, but that was it. “What?” he asked. The blonde sniffled and nodded.

“I was coming in with my special soil that we import to help the oranges grow, and I didn’t see Dr. Spears and spilled it all over him,” he whined. “And-and, he got so mad that he just walked right back out the door!” He looked up at Sebastian helplessly. “What do we do now?! Now the young master doesn’t have a doctor to figure out what’s wrong with him, and Madam Red’s going to be so mad at me for spilling something on a guest!” He suddenly paled- well, under all the splotchy red parts from crying- and began pacing again. “What if she fires me? Oh, god, I don’t want to lose this job! I love this job so much, and I don’t know what else I could do if I didn’t work here!”

“Finny!” Turquoise eyes looked up at him pitifully, and he sighed. “I think that we’ll be able to find another doctor. The hospital nearby is full of people who can diagnose what is wrong with him.” He pulled out a handkerchief and handed it to the gardener to wipe up the multiple liquids oozing from his face. “As for the Madam, I’m sure she’ll forgive you. It was an honest mistake, and it was a bit tactless of the doctor to just leave over something so trivial. Soil is easier to get off of clothes than coffee or perhaps imported mud.” 

“You think so?” he asked hopefully, wiping under his eyes. Getting a nod, he threw his arms around Sebastian and hugged him. Considering he was stronger than he looked, Sebastian felt all the air being squeezed out of him as the pressure wrapped around his diaphragm. 

“Finny, Finny, I can’t breathe,” he wheezed. He was sheepishly released, and Finny offered him his handkerchief back. “No, no, just give it to Mey okay? Did you clean up the rest of the soil you spilled?”

“Yes!” he chirped, suddenly back to his normal self. “Bard helped me!”

“Where is he now? Working on the stable?” Finny nodded. “Okay, well, go out there and help him. I’ll go and prepare the young master’s tea. You just focus on your duties and leave his health to me.” He got a small salute and suddenly he was the only one in the parlour.

He prepared some chamomile and white willow bark tea, adding some feverfew in hopes that it would help the boy. Of course, it wouldn’t taste pleasant at all, especially to a boy with such a sweet tooth, so he added enough honey that the flavour was masked. After preparing the pot, he carried it and a mug up the stairs and to the bedroom when his student was resting.

“Apparently your doctor did not think rubbing in a little dirt could help his rudeness, so he left.” He poured out a cup for Ciel and helped him sit up in bed. “Finny, of course, feels awful about it, but it was an honest accident.”

“Yes, they are all rather accident prone,” the teen supplied before taking a sip of his tea. “This tastes awful; what is it?”

“Some herbs to help with your headache and fever. I did add honey, but I suppose it wasn’t enough. Please drink it, even if it tastes so bad, since it’ll do you good.” He went to the adjoining bathroom and rewetted the warm cloth with freezing water. He wrung it out enough that it no longer dripped and returned it to his student, who held it to his forehead as he sipped on the herbal mix. 

“What exactly happened with the doctor?” Ciel asked, eyes dull despite the sharpness of his voice. “What did Finny do?”

“He was coming inside with his imported soil, and he didn’t see the doctor. He ran right into the man and accidentally spilled the soil on him, which displeased your physician enough that he promptly left. I was delayed because Finny was downstairs working himself into a panic and imagining that you or Madam Red would fire him for screwing up.”

Ciel finished his tea and set the mug down on the bedside table. “Ah, well, he shouldn’t worry. Obviously Dr. Spears wasn’t interested in doing his job and only cared about his outfit.” He shook his head. We don’t need him, but we will have to get a hold of another doctor.” He sighed softly, looking suddenly more tired. “There’s an… address book near the phone downstairs. If you ask Tanaka, he’ll show you. Everyone with a ‘Doctor’ in front of their name, except Diedrich and William, should be free to come. Just pick who you trust the most.”

Sebastian nodded and helped his charge lay back down. “I will do so, young master, of course. Until they arrive, however, I ask that you get some sleep.” The teen was nice enough to just nod and close his eyes, but there were dark circles under his eyes already. 

He was able to find the address book with little difficulty, and he chose the first doctor that was listed. Tapping in the eleven digits he saw printed on the “work” line, he waited patiently for someone to answer. Of course, he wasn’t sure exactly what this man was a doctor of or if he was even qualified, but he doubted that Madam Red would keep the numbers of doctors in the address book if they couldn’t help Ciel or one of the staff.

Suddenly, he heard a click and a deep voice asked in what sounded like an Indian accent, “Hello, you have reached Dr. Agni’s office. How may I help you?”

Good, he was in, at least. “Yes, I am calling from Phantomhive Manor, on the outskirts of town. The lord of the manor woke up this morning with an unexplainable fever, and we were wondering if you could stop in and try to figure out the reason.” He wasn’t sure if Ciel truly was the “lord of the manor” or not, but he figured it would impress the man at least.

“Phantomhive? Ciel is sick?” the doctor asked worriedly. “Is Dr. Spears unavailable?” 

“Well, this morning there was an incident and Dr. Spears stormed out before even getting to see Ciel. We tried to break the fever ourselves, but medicine hasn’t seemed to be working at the moment.” He bit at his lower lip. “Are you certified to help him? I didn’t accidentally call Ciel’s dentist, did I?”

There was a laugh. “No, no, I was his family physician before they went to Dr. Spears.” He heard the man say something in Indian away from the phone, probably talking to a nurse or his assistant. Sebastian’s theory was proven correct when the man spoke again. “My assistant and I will be there in about half an hour. Until that time, please try to make an effort to put fluids in him. However, anything caffeinated is not recommended, so he will have to do without his normal tea.”

“I gave him a chamomile and feverfew blend earlier; he wasn’t happy about it but he seemed more eager to get some rest afterwards.”

“Good, good. Well, expect Soma and I soon, please.”

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ciel woke up to sniffling in his room. He sat up in a hurry, knowing that it definitely wasn’t Sebastian. However, if he had just selected the first person in the book, there was a huge chance that he’d chosen Agni, which meant that _he_ had come with him.

“ _Ciel_!” came an elated cry from the corner of the room. He braced himself as he saw bright gold eyes a second before a body slammed into his and two arms wrapped around his mid-torso, squeezing. “Ciel, oh, your poor child, look how sick you are! I’m so sorry that Dr. Spears abandoned you like that! I promise that if Agni and I were still your primary care managers, we would never have walked out over something so trivial!”

“Soma, you are squishing me,” Ciel muttered darkly, his eyes narrowing as he tried to think through the haze. Honestly, he was having problems keeping his wits about him as it was; he didn’t need Dr. Agni’s attendant absolutely destroying his diaphragm and cutting off his ability to breathe. As the arms loosened, he was able to pull away from the man who was surprisingly only four years older than him. Soma had been interning with Dr. Agni since he was fourteen, and he’d attempted to take Ciel under his loving wing after Aunt Ann had assigned the paediatrician to Ciel seven years ago. A year ago, since he had turned sixteen, he decided that he wanted a regular doctor as opposed as one who worked solely with children and preteens. Grell had started dating William at that time, so they’d switched to him at the redhead’s suggestion.

Thankfully, Dr. Agni had never taken offense to the switch, but he had admitted that he wished Ciel had transferred to someone less… gruff. He looked up into grey eyes and smiled the best he could. “Hello again, Dr. Agni. Thank you for coming on such short notice.”

“How are you feeling, Ciel? Please do not leave anything out or else it will be harder for me to assess what is wrong.” Ciel agreed, and after about ten minutes of questioning, Agni nodded and sighed softly. “You have been plagued by a lot of stress lately, haven’t you?”

“Please, Dr. Agni, my life is always full of stress; why would it affect me now?” Ciel accepted the water that Finny brought to him and smiled at the nervous blonde. “Thank you so much, Finnian.”

“I’m sorry I screwed up earlier, young master,” he said pitifully. “It’s my fault that your doctor left.”

“Yes, Mr. Michaelis informed me, and you don’t have to worry about anything, okay? I’ve got a doctor now, one who will listen to me.” He looked up at the Indian man before taking a sip and saying honestly, “Do you think that more stress can cause a fever to this extent?”

“It has been proven that high amounts of negative stress can weaken the immune system. Coupled with the fact that you rarely venture outside of the manor, I would say that you were in for a sick spell, Ciel. Now, I have brought something for your fever so that it will break, but it will require you to sleep for a while. Sleep will lower your stress levels and help your immune system recuperate.” He set a small pill on the bedside table. “I also suggest that you take off a week from any stressful activities. Nothing too strenuous in school, and perhaps you and Diedrich should avoid mentioning anything that might trigger a panic attack. Obviously, too many of those are not good for your help.”

“I don’t want to be an invalid, Dr. Agni,” Ciel argued. “I have to begin lessons with Lenina as soon as possible if I’m going to go back into society.”

“Yes, your gardener and teacher showed me the stables. I think that, after you have learned the basics, this activity will benefit you. However, if you attempt to do anything when you are still not feeling well, I fear you will just make yourself worse.” He patted the teen’s head like he used to when Ciel was young and sat on the edge of the bed. “I will say that you are truly brilliant for thinking of such a thing. If you would like to stop by the clinic when you first come to town again, I will always be available.”

“Same!” Soma agreed, his gold eyes bright. “So, you have to get better, okay! That medicine will last you the next few days. Even if you are feeling better, take one every three hours until they’re all gone.” Ciel nodded and took the pill that Dr. Agni had already set out for him. “Now, do you want to play chess? I’ve been practicing!”

“You just think that you can beat me because I’m partially delirious with fever,” Ciel accused, frowning, and Soma laughed sheepishly. The two of them had played numerous times before, usually after the paediatrician was done looking over his patient and was talking to Aunt Ann. Soma could never win, but he never gave up when it came to challenging the child genius. 

“You’ve got me there,” he admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s just that I have no chance otherwise. Still, you wanna try?”

“Let Finny grab the board, and we’ll see what we can do.” He trusted the strong gardener to be able to hoist the chess set up the stairs from the study. He used to have a set for his room, but he broke the board in a fit of anger a couple of years ago and refused to ask for a new one.

Sebastian poked his head in the doorway just as Finny left, eyes searching the room until they found Ciel, and he smiled. “How are you feeling?”

“That chamomile made me drowsy, but otherwise I’m fine. I don’t have much longer until the doctor’s medicine kicks in and makes the drowsiness worse, so Soma and I are going to play chess.” He pointed to the foot of the bed that wasn’t occupied by Agni. “Sit, and you can watch. When is Aunt Ann coming home? Surely a C-section doesn’t take _that_ long.”

“Well, young master, I don’t think it is as simple as cutting a woman open and taking out a baby, and she may have been pulled away for some other task as well. You know that your aunt is in high demand at that hospital.” He took the selected spot and smiled in a way that was supposed to be placating. “Would you like me to call her and inform her on your status? I could figure out where she is in that conversation.”

“Sure, as long as you do it in here.” His stomach growled loudly, and his hand instinctively covered it. “I wonder if Bard has any soup leftover.”

“I do believe he does. Would you like me to warm some up?” The sick teen shook his head and looked up as Finny came back in. “Finny, please set it down by the bed. I need you to go downstairs and ask Bard if he has any of that rice soup left and, if so, he could warm it up for me. After you’ve done that, you can go about your normal duties.”

“Of course, young master!” the gardener said, placing the chess table where Ciel had indicated and hurrying off. The teen began to set up the board so that he and Soma could play, but his eyes were getting heavy. He managed to stay awake long enough to get halfway through the game and to finish his soup, and then Sebastian was clearing the room and helping him into bed.

“Don’t think that you can hold this over my head,” Ciel grumbled, but the effect was ruined as his sentence ended with a yawn. Sebastian chuckled softly and pulled the duvet over him as well, smiling down at the teen.

“I would never. However, I may just use it to laugh at whenever you’re been particularly snotty.”

“Bastard.”

“Brat.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In all honesty, I was tempted to swap the roles of Alan and Eric and Agni and Soma, but I wanted to name the horse Erica, dammit. XD But still, Agni and Soma have been introduced, and they are _not_ going away. 
> 
> But more progress made between Madam Red and Diedrich in terms of getting along. Though, with him being the godfather, that just made sense when you think of when Vincent told Dee to look after his family when he was gone. If you're getting some vibes... well, I don't know what you're thinking. XD
> 
> Poor Finny! I love him to bits, but it seems like a clumsy thing he would do. I'm not sure what he could do if he wasn't a gardener, especially with how well him and Ciel click.^^
> 
> And Ciel's secret may have been revealed. :O Or is there something more that lurks in the dark recesses or his mind?


	7. Slow and Steady Wins the Race

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Agni's story is revealed. Also, Ciel is in dire need of a reality check, which Ann has no problem giving him.

Agni looked at the charts that Dr. Spears had transferred to his office. Soma was out on lunch, so he was alone to look at Ciel’s information. Of course, not much had changed since he’d lost the teen as a patient, so he didn’t have to update the file much. He’d regained Mr. Phantomhive after the soil incident, and part of him was glad. If his intuition was correct, Ciel would need someone who could stick by him soon. Especially after he heard about them acquiring a horse that Ciel planned to regularly ride.

When he had first been assigned as Ciel’s paediatrician, the boy had still been somewhat traumatised, but he’d needed someone to check and make sure his bones were healing properly. Madam Red had decided that someone who could come out to the manor would be best until Ciel could go to a hospital. Not many doctors were willing, but Agni had leapt at the chance. He didn’t think it was right to abandon a boy just because he had a tough life and lived outside of the others’ ease of access.

Part of it was also his need for redemption. When he and Soma had come from India, they hadn’t had much, and the first year was spent in poverty. He’d turned to stealing to make ends meet, just so he didn’t have to see the burning hunger in his charge’s gold eyes. It had broken his heart every time he’d come home without food, and he had almost sent the boy home. Anything was better than starving, even if it was sending Soma back to parents who barely acknowledged him or remembered his name.

One day, he had made the mistake of trying to rob a woman by the name of Rachel. As he looked back on that day now, it was possibly the scariest day of his life, but it turned into the best day. It was the day when he turned his life around, thanks to her.

_Her purse had been sitting in the shopping cart, and she was standing with her small son near the cucumbers, completely focused on picking one that wasn’t soft. Briefly, he had reflected on the fact that the boy was even younger than Soma, probably only three or four. However, thinking of Soma had made him block out any sort of remorse that was threatening to bubble up. He’d grabbed the purse, had fled the store and didn’t stop running until he was out of breath and across town._

_Unfortunately, all she had was twenty dollars in cash, and the rest was credit cards. He’d made the mistake of using a stolen credit card once, and he’d almost been arrested. If it wasn’t for his ability to duck out of bathroom windows, he’d have gone to jail and left Soma to starve all alone in the disgusting little hole in the wall they’d managed to keep for a month._

_The twenty dollars went towards buying some food- actual food that Soma could eat and wouldn’t make him sick. It was back when there were no salads to order from fast food places, and everything else that was cheap was beef. Agni might have been desperate, but there was no way he’d go against his gods like that. Still, he was able to get fruit and pasta that would sate their hunger._

_However, when he made it back to the small alley he and Soma had called home since their apartment was taken from them, the boy was talking to a strange man. Agni almost dropped his bags but held onto them as he walked quicker. It wasn’t the first time someone had tried to snatch the boy and do awful things to him. Every time, Agni was there to fight them off, and it seemed he would have to do so again._

_The man was well dressed, but that didn’t dishearten the Indian man. After all, just because he wore a fancy suit, didn’t mean his morals were better than a man who was covered by rags. They were perhaps even worse for it, thinking themselves above the law. The man saw him moments before Agni grabbed him by the shoulder and slammed him single-handedly against the concrete wall._

_“What are you trying to do, you sicko?” he demanded, not bothering to keep the edge out of his voice. He glanced briefly back at his charge, assessing him for any bruises or any other indications that the man had roughed him up. “Soma, are you okay?”_

_“I’m fine,” the boy said cheerfully. “He wasn’t trying to take me, Agni. He was actually looking for you.”_

_That scared him worse than the idea that he’d come for Soma. Grey eyes latched onto brown ones, and he raised an eyebrow. “What do you want? I’ve told you freaks I’m not interested in your drug peddling.”_

_“Drugs? Me? Never,” the man said with an easy smile. “No, I’m just here because you stole my wife’s purse, and I need it back.”_

_He let go of the man and took a step back, preparing to grab Soma and run if he had to. The back of the alley led to a street, and there was a restaurant that would harbour them if they needed to run from the police. Agni should’ve ditched the purse, but it was still tucked inside the grocery bag with the rest of the money- all two dollars and five cents. At the very least, he should’ve chucked the phone inside of it, since it probably had some sort of tracking device. All he knew was that he was screwed, they were both screwed because they knew his name and he had said Soma’s name as well, and they would have to go into hiding now._

_“Agni?” Soma asked, disbelief dripping from his voice. The older man wanted to cuss. He’d never told Soma where the money was from, always saying that he’d managed to find a job under the table when he brought home food. He didn’t like lying to him, but it was to avoid the disappointed tone that was laced in the boy’s voice as he said, “Why would you steal? I told you this morning that I’m fine!”_

_“Your stomach was growling fiercer than a lion’s, Soma,” he said quietly, not wanting the man to hear him. “I couldn’t bear it anymore. I looked around for work, honestly, but no one was hiring.”_

_“How many other times have you lied?” the boy demanded, crossing his arms over his chest. “How many other times have you acquired money illegally just so you can feed us?” He shook his head. “I would rather starve than make you a dishonest man.”_

_Agni’s heart stopped beating in his chest. He turned and squatted down to face his charge on his level, gripping his shoulders. “I could never live with myself if I let you starve to death, okay?_ Never _. I’m sorry, but don’t ask me to watch you turn to skin and bones and not do anything about it.”_

_“Well,” the man said behind them, stretching out the word until they both looked at him. “You don’t_ have _to take me up on this, but perhaps it’s because I have a son that’s a little younger than him and I need a charity project to pass the time.” He shrugged and smirked. “If you return my wife’s purse with everything in it- save whatever you spent for that food, of course- then I’ll see what I can do to get you a place at the local university and an apartment downtown.”_

_“We don’t want your charity,” Soma said angry, standing proud like a little prince. Agni would’ve smiled if he wasn’t too busy thinking._

_“How can I take your word for it?” he asked, hesitant to get his hopes up. “How do I know you’re not just going to turn me over to the police?”_

_“Well, Rachel would make me sleep on the couch for a month if she found out, for starters.” He grinned, even when they didn’t relax at his attempt to ease the tension. “Also, I get bored easily, and you’ll give me something to do. Now I can check up on you, make sure you’re doing well in your classes.” He did raise an eyebrow. “Besides, you don’t expect me to just listen to that heart-warming conversation and not feel inclined to change it.”_

_“We don’t want to be a burden,” Agni said, feeling sick admitting it. Part of him wanted to just say “screw it” and listen to whatever this man said, but the old part of him didn’t feel comfortable taking this man’s money, especially after he’d stolen from his wife not three hours earlier._

_“Please, do you know who I am?” he asked, looking cocky. “I’m Vincent Phantomhive, owner of the Funtom Company and a billionaire. I could pay for both of you two to become doctors and barely notice the chunk in my money.” He paused, thinking on that. “Okay, that’s a good idea. Congratulations, Vincent, you sly man.” He strode over to Agni and pulled him up to his feet._

_“You two will become doctors. That’s what you can do for me. Become doctors and give back to the community, and I’ll consider us even. Plus, I could probably even start taking my son to see you once you get the proper credentials, and I’ll know who you are. He’s a growing boy, and we’ll need someone who can be dedicated to him.” He smiled and tilted his head to the side. “What do you say, Agni? How would you like to cook that pasta on a stove tonight and take a hot shower?”_

They had learned very quickly that you can’t say no to Vincent Phantomhive. So, when he heard from Madam Red that Vincent and Rachel had died, he’d grieved tremendously, heart shattering at the knowledge that the man who had saved him and Soma both had perished before his time. His only consolation was that he was either in whatever paradise his religion believed in or that he would be reborn into a new, better life. After all, a soul with karma like his deserved nothing less. 

And, he’d taken Ciel on as a patient. He wasn’t sure if the boy remembered who he and Soma were exactly, and the first few months hadn’t been the time to talk about the late Phantomhives in any way. He remembered all too well the panic attacks that would start up without warning, during a routine blood pressure reading or even when Agni would press his stethoscope to the boy’s heart to check his pulse. It would set him off.

To compare that to the strong, proud teenager that he’d become was almost looking at night and day side by side. He placed the charts back on his desk and sat heavily down in his chair. Every time he looked into those blue eyes, he saw Rachel and Vincent, and he was glad that Ciel had survived. While Vincent had taken Agni under his wing, Ciel was their greatest accomplishment, and it would be a terrible wrong of the gods if they did not give the teen the chance to take his rightful place in the world, free from the fears and burdens that he faced now.

The door to his office opened, and Soma came in with a take-out bag and two bottles of water. “Oh, no. I know that look on your face,” he said with a sigh. “What is troubling you, my friend?”

“In a few months will mark the anniversary of the death of the couple who changed our lives,” he said simply, not holding back from his charge. “And I have seen their son’s eyes bright with a passionate fire that is not healthy for him. I have seen him suffer as none born to such nice parents should suffer. And I wonder what lesson the gods are trying to teach us with this.”

Soma set down the food and drinks on his desk so that he could wrap his arms around Agni’s shoulders. “Perhaps it is one of endurance, of hope. Yes, us mortals cannot see what they have in store for us, but it is not our place to judge the gods. They move at their own pace, teaching us through patience, not swiftness.” He smiled at his guardian and gestured with his head towards the food. “And we will thank them _and_ the late Phantomhives for our meal before we eat.”

“Of course,” Agni agreed, allowing himself a small smile as Soma sat down and they moved to begin their lunch. Yes, they had much to thank Vincent for, and it would be no burden on his part to aid the man’s son in return for the second chance he’d been granted fourteen years ago.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sebastian watched grimly as Ciel saddled Lenina. She’d come in on Tuesday, shortly after their lessons, and Ciel had been antsy to begin that evening, but Madam Red had said that giving the horse a day to rest would be best, rather than launching right into it. Ciel had grudgingly agreed, and so here they were.

“She seems ready,” Ciel said softly, never looking at his teacher as he worked through preparing her. It seemed like he was almost trying to ignore that the man was here in favour of pouring all of his attention unnecessarily into his companion. He made sure that the girth was tight around the horse’s underbelly but not tight enough to hurt her. “Are you okay to ride, ‘Nina? We’ll go slow, okay?”

Boy and beast made their way to the level path that Finny had made as Bard worked on the final touches of the stable. He’d simply pulled all the grass out of the earth and left only the dirt, but he’d then stomped it down, evened the sides, and dried it out so that the horse would recognise where she was supposed to go. Sebastian was surprised that the gardener had thought of it, but he supposed that there was more going on under all that blonde hair than he previously thought. He had even gone out in the woods around the property and fell a small tree to make a stepping block for Ciel.

Ciel set it on the left side of the horse, running his hand along her neck. “I’m going to get on now, okay? I need you to stay still for me.” He eased himself in the saddle, making sure not to slam onto her back. She snorted but otherwise accepted him on her as easily as before. Sebastian moved to stand near them, thinking to guide as Eric had done, but he received a harsh glare from his student. “Leave us alone so we can do this, got it? I don’t need you spooking her.”

“I apologise, young master,” he said contritely, watching with a frown as his charge adjusted the stirrup and adjusted himself, making sure he was centred before grinning over at Sebastian. “Are you sure that you do not need my assistance in leading her? She may not take to you right away.”

“Very doubtful. After all, Eric said that she was used to being ridden by small children without much assistance, so I should be an easy adjustment.” He shook his head. “Do not underestimate her.” He looked slightly smug, and that made his teacher uneasy.

“Well, as long as you don’t _overestimate_ her,” he replied, keeping his tone civil. Ciel ignored him, and a small part of him snapped. “Okay, listen here, I would feel about a thousand percent better if I was at least within reaching distance of her. That way, if she does spook, I can grab a hold of her before she throws you.”

“Fine,” Ciel growled. “But don’t you dare touch her unless she spooks.” His eyes widened slightly before he forced himself to breathe, not doubt realising his foul mood would upset Lenina. “Okay, let’s walk.” He gently squeezed his heels into her belly, making sure to relax the pressure after she started to move. Very slowly, they move along the path, going around the twists and turns.

Sebastian kept within arm’s reach, watching the horse for any indication that she was uncomfortable. He’d gone over to the farm Sunday, and Alan had given him a few pointers on how to calm the horse if need be, even going so far as to fire a gun in the air near Erica to give him some practice. Of course, the man had afterwards spoiled her with sweetened oats and plenty of affection as an apology, which she readily accepted. 

He tried to keep himself calm as he watched, knowing full well that she would pick up on whatever vibes he was sending out as well. As much practice as he got, he _really_ didn’t want to need it.

He glanced back at the house, knowing that Madam Red wasn’t there, but part of him worried that she would come out and see that he wasn’t being as hands on as they made her think he would be. Of course, Ciel was old enough to know what he was doing, and Sebastian could only stare and hope that his student hadn’t lied when he said that he’d studied the material extensively. He’d dedicated at least an hour or more every evening towards the research since they’d purchased Lenina, pouring through book after book that he’d purchased from the net.

Sebastian had read them as well, but he knew that reading was nothing like actually riding the animal. So, he continued to watch in grim attentiveness, staying off the path but still close to Ciel in case his assistance was needed.

After two rounds of the course, he squeezed her sides slightly once more, and she speed up ever so slightly, pleasing her rider greatly. “Eventually the two of us will be moving at breakneck speed to town, along a path of my own making.” He grinned brilliantly, but it was a vicious expression, born not of joy but satisfaction. Sebastian followed wordlessly, not knowing what he should say but still fully aware that he needed to say something. It wasn’t healthy, that look, and it made his stomach flip-flop. “Come on, faster,” he murmured, pressing with his feet once more only harder. “Let’s try a trot, eh?”

“Young master, I don’t think that you should do this so early,” Sebastian said, his heart plummeting in his chest. “This is only the second time-”

But they were already off, moving faster than Sebastian’s normal gait. He hurried along the path, panic sparking just below the surface of his demeanour. He wasn’t sure why, but something told him that the boy was going to press his luck way too thin and he needed to be around when it happened. Neither of the rider or his horse were quite ready for anything more than a walk for now, not unless the teen wanted to startle her.

His fears were answered when he saw Ciel start to rise in the saddle, no doubt to try a standing trot, and he saw the horse stiffen. She continued to move, faster than Ciel was ready for, and he fell back into the saddle with a small, “ _Oomph_.”

Sebastian ran towards her, struggling to keep calm even as he realised that she was gaining speed. He could see the fear that was blooming in his student’s eyes and knew that he didn’t have long until Ciel was jarred off the saddle and either tossed off or dragged along the ground, foot stuck in one of the stirrups. He could hear Ciel murmuring to Lenina, attempting to calm her down, but she was breaking off of the path, making a beeline for the woods.

He knew he couldn’t let her go that far, especially with Ciel on her back. She could trip over a stump or break her leg on they many raised roots and undergrowth. So, he decided to stop pansying around and put some pep in his step, even as his heart was hammering in his chest desperately. The visions of Ciel being thrown and cracking his head open reappeared in his mind’s eye, but he quickly squashed them down, knowing that there was no way they’d be helpful.

He finally managed to get in front of her, holding up his arms to snatch her reins. She huffed and attempted to evade him, but he didn’t leave her any room to escape. She looked desperate to get Ciel off, and he reached forward to pull his student off her back to help her. Ciel was clinging on for dear life, eyes wide and mouth open as he sucked in air. He was panicking, which was _not_ good. His mood would increase the fear in Lenina.

Suddenly, she did what both of them had feared.

Sebastian watched in horror as she reared on her back two legs, and he hurried behind her as he saw Ciel slip from the saddle. He managed to catch the teen in his arms, but the sudden weight had them both falling to the ground, even as Lenina landed heavily on her feet and walked anxiously around in a circle, throwing her head and making distressed noises.

He looked up into blue eyes, heart still beating erratically in his chest as adrenaline coursed through him. Ciel was looking at him in strange fascination, mouth open wide still as his body pressed against his teacher’s. Sebastian’s legs were parted to let Ciel’s settle there, but suddenly a hoof got a little too close for comfort, and the older man rolled them to the side several times to avoid her.

They ended up in a position with Sebastian pinning Ciel to the ground, the teen staring breathlessly up at him. His fists lay on either side of those slate locks, and he tried to calm himself as he looked over at Lenina.

Surprisingly, she was starting to calm herself down, but he still kept a cautious eye on her. Alan was right when he’d said that she wasn’t too spirited, and getting Ciel off her back must’ve eased her panic. She pawed the ground and paced around them, not getting close enough that Sebastian had to worry.

So he looked back down at his student and attempted to smile. “Are you okay? Were you injured?”

He got no reply, other than a stunned expression. Blue eyes were almost lost in the colour of black as his pupils expanded. For a moment, Sebastian worried that he was in shock, or worse, in the beginnings of having a panic attack, when his expression suddenly hardened and he barked, “Get off me!”

Quickly following the order, he stood upright but offered his hand to Ciel. The teen denied it, glaring balefully at him and marching towards the manor. Over his shoulder, he ordered, “Calm her down and send her back in the stables. We’ll try again another day. I’ll be in the study, and I _won’t_ be disturbed.”

Resisting the urge to sneer, Sebastian only answered, “Of course, my lord,” and watched the boy as he slammed the door shut behind him. Then, he turned to the still pacing horse and sighed. “I honestly don’t blame you,” he assured her. “I would’ve thrown him, too.”

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

“Your riding privileges are being revoked for the rest of the week,” Aunt Ann told him sternly as she walked into the study with a heavy frown.

Ciel looked up from the book he’d been reading, and she was annoyed to see him scowling. “Over what? That? How am I supposed to learn how to ride when you ground me every time she throws me?”

She tried to control her anger, knowing that it was burning from her fear over the knowledge that he could’ve been seriously injured this afternoon, and she wouldn’t have been there to help him. Mr. Michaelis had told her almost immediately, instantly taking the blame for not keeping better control of Ciel, but she knew fully well that her nephew would have urged that horse on even if God himself had told him to stop.

So, she was really annoyed that he was trying to play it off like he had nothing to do with Lenina freaking out. “She threw you because you went too fast with her. The two of you haven’t developed any sort of trust yet, and you have no idea how to control her properly to go beyond walking her. Eric was very adamant that you _not_ move beyond a walk for at least two weeks, and that’s with daily rides. You can’t progress from a walk to a gallop in a day!”

“And why not? Yes, next time I’ll be more careful when I move her into a trot, but I want to get this over with.” He rolled his eyes. “I don’t have months, Aunt Ann. The sooner I get to town, the better, and I have no time to wait for the horse and I to gain trust. I’m her master, and she’ll get used to that.”

_Oh, you idiotic, impudent-_ “Ciel, are you even listening to a word I’m saying?” she demanded. “ _You cannot go from zero to one hundred in one afternoon._ This isn’t like a video game where if you do the same thing enough times in one day you can move on to the next level of training. We are talking about real life, with real, living things.” At his stubborn expression, she threw her hands up and groaned. “That’s it! The only people allowed near her for the next week and a half are Finny and Mr. Michaelis! You are grounded from everything except your studies! You aren’t even allowed to go into the library and read!” His eyes went wide in shock, and she smiled harshly. “That’s right. I’m having Tanaka lock it up, and you are not stepping foot in it until you can realise that Lenina is not some machine or some photo on a page that you can apply strategy and formulas to. Be lucky that I’m not taking dessert from you, but that can definitely be next on the list if I need to.”

“You wouldn’t dare,” he stated, but he didn’t seem so sure about that.

“Wouldn’t I?” She walked to the door of the study. “Tanaka!” She waited as the steward came towards her, even as she heard Ciel’s protests behind her. “My nephew is banned from anything containing sugar until I say otherwise. This goes towards his meals, so make sure Bard knows to fix his food extra special. Also, I need you to lock up the library and not let him in. Be sure to keep an eye him tomorrow while I’m at work as well.”

She turned back around to see Ciel glaring at her. “I know; you’re pissed at me.” He set his jaw and turned from her, and her heart clenched a bit at the sight. However, she knew she had to stand firm on this, or he’d never learn. So, in a quiet voice, she stated, “I didn’t want to do this, but you leave me no choice. Sometimes, you have to learn things the hard way, Ciel, and I can’t let you keep going like this or else one of you is going to get hurt.”

“Leave me alone,” he muttered, not looking at her. “Honestly, if you think saying something so stupid will make up for overreacting like this, then I don’t want to continue this conversation.” He looked absolutely pissed, so much worse than his usual displeased expression.

Rationally, a part of her knew that he was going to act like a little shit because she had spoiled him with little consequences for his actions for so long, but that didn’t keep her heart from beating painfully in her chest. So, with a small sigh, she walked out of the room and closed the doors so she and Tanaka stood in the hallway.

The steward gave her a sympathetic look, and she let him rest a comforting hand on her shoulder. This was one of the reasons why she was so thankful that Tanaka stayed with them even after Vincent and Rachel died. He just nodded when she looked up at him, silently asking if she had done the right thing, and some of the hurting eased. 

“When’s dinner?” she asked, trying to put on her best smile. He no doubt saw right through her, but she kept up the act, pleading with her eyes that he just answer her question.

“Bard said that it would be served around seven, madam,” he said with his tiny smile. Dark eyes twinkled, and he squeezed her shoulder. “You have plenty of time to clean up from work, if you choose, and I will attend to all the things that you have asked of me.”

A shower sounded nice actually. Then she could call Grell and complain about this latest development. Her friend always knew what to say to make her feel better again. “Thank you, Tanaka.”

When she’d first heard that he’d been thrown, she’d been so scared that she almost said that they were returning Lenina. The image of him falling, of her hoof possibly falling down on Ciel’s face before Mr. Michaelis could stop her, and just the general unease of the whole situation made her shudder as she peeled her clothes from her body. Honestly, she knew that Ciel thought that he could do anything at his own speed, but she never imagined that he would try this.

_Maybe we should take a break from riding. I’ll have Finny ride her for walks and such, so she gets some exercise, and Ciel can try again later_ , she thought with a small nod, turning on the water for her shower. _That way he’ll be safe from himself, and maybe I can be there with him. Besides, it’s not like he has anywhere really that he needs to be until next fall, and he can even do online courses for college. He can stay here, where he’s safe._

_You’re smothering him_ , came Diedrich’s voice in her mind. She tried to shake it away, but it persisted, reminding her, _He hates being stuck here. You know he does. You know he wants to go out into the world and live his life, and it’s cruel for you to keep him trapped her under the assumption that safer means better._

She sighed and stepped under the spray after she was sure that it was the proper temperature. No, she couldn’t keep him trapped here, slowly making him more and more stir-crazy as he longed to be out in the world like everyone else. She knew exactly what he thought of himself every year that went by with him confined to the manor- weak, pathetic, an embarrassment to his parents’ names. 

And if she could stop him from feeling like that, even if it meant that she was letting him get on a horse and possibly wreck himself before he learned to check himself, then she would. She knew fully well that thoughts like that were bordering on unhealthy if not already.

She went about her usual shower routine and then dressed in a plain red dress instead of her pyjamas. Checking the time, she saw she still had about half an hour until dinner, so she grabbed her phone and scrolled through the contacts. Just above Grell’s name, however, was someone that she was sure could help her talk to Ciel, so she tapped the small phone icon beside that name instead.  
 _He’s probably going to be pissed that I’m calling him for something so trivial, but I need someone in my corner right now_ , she thought with a sigh as the dial tone thrilled in her ear. It rang for three times before she heard the _click_ that let her know he’d picked up.

“Ms. Durless, what did I do to earn the pleasure of you call?” Diedrich asked snarkily, but she could tell it was just his normal grouchy way of communicating.

“I grounded Ciel today, and I think he hates me,” she admitted quietly, pacing in her room already.

She heard him inhale sharply, and he chuckled a little as he let it out. “Well, it’s about time. Seriously, when was the last time this happened? When he was fourteen?” Ann frowned at the receiver, like he could see it if she did so. “But, congratulations. He must’ve done something really awful for you to ground him. Last time, he had to shout at Tanaka for you to punish him.”

Oh, she remembered that. The poor man had just asked him to _please_ come downstairs for his lesson that day, and she had heard Ciel’s very colourful response all the way down the hall in her room as she got ready for work. Long story short, she wasn’t pleased. No sweets for a month, she took his DS- which he’d been playing non-stop all that spring- and even made him copy the dictionary until he finished it every night when he complained that he wouldn’t have any way to pass the time. Diedrich had bought her dinner.

“Well, this afternoon, he rode Lenina for the first time, and he thought that he could just launch himself into it and push her into a rising trot in just an hour. So, reasonably, she did _not_ like that. It’s a miracle that Mr. Michaelis managed to catch him _and_ calm her down.”

“Whoa, wait.” Diedrich sounded concerned, and she stopped, listening as his chair creaked, no doubt to signal him sitting upright in it. “She _threw_ him? Is he okay?”

“Yeah. Mr. Michaelis managed to catch him before he hit the ground. Trust me when I say that I wouldn’t be this calm talking about it if Ciel was injured. No, the only thing damaged was his ego, and he was even more determined that he was going to condition her in one day. So, in a fit of concern-induced rage, I grounded him from riding her. We argued, and I upped the ante to no riding, no sugar period, and no library.”

“You are now my favourite person,” he said in awe. She blushed but heard him clear his throat before saying quickly, “I bet he didn’t take that well at all, though, which is why you’re calling me.”

“I just don’t know how to get him to realise that he can’t be so reckless when he had three living things’ safety to worry about when he’s riding her.” She sat on her bed, falling back to rest her head on the duvet. “He knows I wouldn’t scold him unless I was worried about him, but apparently I’m overreacting. I mean, what if Mr. Michaelis hadn’t moved fast enough? What if Lenina had reared and fallen on top of him?”

“He’s still a teenager, Angelina,” the psychologist reminded her. “He has absolutely no ability to step back and look at the long term effects of his rash decisions before he makes them. He thinks it’s as simple as moving pieces along a chessboard, but he forgets that people don’t move based on a fix set of rules.” She heard his chair creak again, like he was sitting back. “Give him a couple of days of stewing it over in his head. He’ll come around.”

“What if he doesn’t? I really don’t want him to overwork her just so he can rush into town. I know he’s wanted this for years, but it’s not healthy.”

“No, it’s not, and he knows that. However, he also is blinded by his determination to get out of his proverbial wheelchair, and that’s dangerous.” She could hear him thinking, mulling over how best to go about this. “Talk with Mr. Michaelis; make sure the two of you set firm rules with Ciel on how the riding lessons are going to go from here on out. And remind him that you will not hesitate to ground him on this issue.”

“What more could I take from him?” she asked, sighing. “Eventually, he’ll get over the sugar issue.”

“Torture him. Have secret meetings in the library; have dessert without him. Make him want the things he can’t have. And don’t underestimate his love of chocolate. I’m pretty sure Mole made his kid addicted to the stuff to make sure he wouldn’t sell that part of the company.”

She laughed. “I think he made the sweets division _because of_ Ciel. But, okay. We’ll talk about it at dinner, and perhaps he’ll listen to me once he’s had his chance to cool down and think it over.”

“We can only hope.”

She frowned slightly, a thought popping up. Of course, he would never agree to it, but it could help her keep her cool during the discussion. Besides, their meeting was cancelled the Saturday before, and the two of them could talk about today in ways that would get through to Ciel Ann would never manage. Not to mention, she was pretty positive that he had no other plans.

“Dinner starts in half an hour,” she started slowly. “How would you like to join us?”

Silence. Deafening silence that immediately made her regret even thinking of asking him. After all, the two of them weren’t even friends, and the only reason he stays with Ciel is because he said that Vincent would have wanted him to help the boy. He’s made it obvious how he feels for the staff and for her, and it’s doubtful that he’d even add much to the conversation. Oh, god, he was probably mortified that she even asked. What if he-

“What are you having?” he asked simply without really letting his tone answer whether he was coming or not. 

“Well, Bard, I think, said he was making homemade pot pies with some rabbit meat that Mey Rin managed to get from hunting earlier in the day.” She tried to keep herself from sounding too anxious. After all, if he thought she was going to freak out over something so stupid as looking like a crazy person in front of him, he wouldn’t come. Though, when did she ever care what Diedrich thought of her?

“That sounds nice,” he said with a small cough following it. “I might not be there in half an hour since it’s kind of hectic here in town, but I’ll be over as soon as possible.” She heard him getting up from his chair, and a smile spread across her face for some reason. Feeling embarrassed by it, she blushed and swallowed heavily.

Oh god, there was no way. Absolutely no way that her body was doing this to her.

She ignored the idea that was attempting to break free of her thoughts and absolutely ruin everything. Instead of letting it, she said her goodbyes to Diedrich for now and ended the call before texting Grell, **Girlfriend, my damn hypothalamus is attempting to drive me insane.**

The response came back quick enough. **Oooooo, are we going to have to play fuck murder marry? ;)**

**God no, but I might want to make a huge mistake that would affect Ciel and I both. :/**

**DETAILS, WOMAN.**

This was _so_ not something to say over text message. Besides, the longer she can put off actually admitting this, the better. She scrunched up her nose and sighed heavily. She wished she could just go for it without it having any repercussions, but there was literally no way that could happen. 

**Later, in person. Come over tomorrow after work, m’kay?**

**Ugh, I fucking hate you. Now I’m going to be distracted all night.**

**Love you. <3**

**Love you too, babe. <3**

She locked the screen and fell back on her bed again, staring up at the ceiling. With a loud groan, she threw her hand over her eye, seriously concerned over how she’d turned into a blushing seventeen year old again. 

“Fuck my life,” Ann muttered bitterly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wanted to give Agni and Soma some history, so there it is. I tried to keep a steady grip on how old Soma is throughout this, but if something doesn't make sense, then I'm sorry.^^' But it's also why Agni and Soma would feel so indebted to Ciel and the Phantomhive family, thus their desire to make sure Ciel is safe and sound.^^
> 
> Speaking of Ciel, what a little shit. Honestly. BUT WE HAVE MOVEMENT IN THE SHIP!! XD I know it took awhile, but here it is. It was a nudge, but it's there. :D
> 
> And Ann? She was kind of cool in this chapter. Bringing the hammer down and making a move? Hmmm


	8. Toeing the Line

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ciel learns something new about himself, and this causes trouble for everyone.
> 
> (*Tags have been changed; please take note*)

He's had the same dream three nights in a row. Part of him wished that the nightmares would come back so that he didn't have to wake up in the morning and replay the images in his head. His mother and father blaming him for their deaths would be a welcome change to having sheets sticking to his legs and a guilty euphoria still clinging to his bones.

"Shit," he grumbled, lifting the duvet and top sheet to confirm what his legs were telling him. Scowling as he tried to imagine Mey's face when she saw _yet again_ what would be waiting for her when she came up to change the sheets. He'd thought of doing them himself, but that would be more suspicious than just letting her see them.

So, he swallowed his pride- rather difficultly- and hobbled over to his bathroom. The shower would have to be quick if he was expected to get it down and blow-dry his hair in time not to arouse suspicion. Sebastian couldn't know. He definitely couldn't know.

He let the hot water run down his body for a few moments, sighing softly as it warmed the skin that had chilled while he'd moved from the safety of his bed to the bathroom. His fingers ran through his hair, sliding through the locks and drenching them just so he could let the rivets soothe the headache that was dancing around the corner. He supposed that sweating like that coupled with at least twelve cups of coffee in the last two days would break about dehydration, but, again, he couldn't start drinking more water without questions being asked.

The water also felt nice on his aching bones. Sitting in a chair for hours on end was torture on his back, constantly, so he arched his back and hummed low in his throat. Never ending hot showers were one thing that he would miss if he moved out of the mansion. Their water heater was phenomenal- a feature put in when Rachel had once jokingly complained that she had caught her latest cold from the shower growing cold on her before she could leave. Vincent, not realising that she wasn’t being serious, had immediately called for a plumber to come in an install the most high-tech system on the market that would keep two washing machines and all the showers running in the house for at least an hour. Of course, there was never a necessity for that, but Rachel had never walked out of a cold shower again.

Ciel found himself smiling at the sudden memory. It wasn’t often that he dwelled on all the quirky things his parents had done together due to misunderstandings. There was the shower incident, the Ham and Potato Casserole incident- they still couldn’t find the casserole dish, after ten years, and Ciel is quite positive they never will- and the Venison Compromise of 2002. They had been such a lively couple, completely unbeknownst to anyone who didn’t know them personally. Vincent seemed like the suave businessman who liked to play cruel jokes on people while Rachel appeared to be his sweet, obedient little wife.

He remembers being five and telling Lizzy that he was going to find someone who could make him laugh like him mom made his dad laugh. He would go to school and boast that Cinderella and Snow White were sad comparisons to their marriage, and the teachers would just chuckle and tell him that the matches in those stories weren’t very realistic to begin with. He couldn’t help it though; he loved them tremendously, like they were the sun and moon in his sky.

If he closed his eyes, he could just faintly smell his father’s cologne or feel the soft fabric of his mother’s favourite dress. If he listened closely during a thunderstorm, he could hear his father’s voice telling him stories to distract his son from the deafening rumbling outside. It used to make him sad, and it still kind of does, but it’s also become slightly therapeutic for him. Diedrich approved of it, reminding him that just because he wanted to get past their deaths did _not_ mean that he had to bury every memory of them away to keep it together.

The door to his bedroom opened, and he froze. He'd checked the clock and had been sure that he had at least half an hour before Tanaka or Sebastian would come wake him up, so there was something wrong if someone was coming into his room. He hurriedly cleaned his waist and down before shutting off the shower and wrapping his towel neatly around his waist so that his visitor didn't catch more than they'd bargained for.

Turns out it was just Finny, who blushed as soon as he realised he’d caught Ciel half-naked. Spinning quickly around so that he faced the door, the blonde slapped his hand over his eyes for added measure and stammered out, “S-Sorry, young master! I just wanted to let you know that you had gotten a call from your German friend late in the evening last night, after you’d gone to bed. We didn’t see until this morning, when we went to turn the volume back on.” Their home phones were silenced at night, something that had started when Ciel’s insomnia had barely left him with a few hours rest. A few times, when Ann was on call, the hospital called using the home phone rather than her cell phone or pager, and it had robbed Ciel of what little sleep he’d almost gotten after five hours of lying in bed, staring up at the ceiling. “When would you like to return her call, sir?”

“Sieglinde can wait until I’ve had breakfast,” he answered, shrugging. “After all, it’s been a few hours already, what’s one more. Did her voice mail sound urgent?”

“Well, uh, she didn’t leave one, actually,” Finny said, rubbing his neck. 

“Then she’s fine. If it was important, she would’ve left a message.” He made his way over to his dresser, opening the drawers to at least put on some underwear and make his servant comfortable enough to look at him. “Do you know what Bard and Mr. Michaelis have prepared in terms of breakfast?”

“Something German,” the gardener chirped. “I don’t remember the name but I remember that much. I saw potatoes, sausage, eggs, and a pastry of some sort.”

Ciel paused in putting on his slacks. “I thought I was still on a sugar ban.”

“Ah, well, Mr. Sebastian didn’t use sugar, per say; in fact, I think he just used apples and some sort of syrup. He also said that just cutting you off from sugar the way Madam Red did can’t be good for you or else you’d start to go through withdraw.” The blonde stiffened and immediately amended, “Not that I disagree with her or anything; please don’t think that I mean offense by that.”

“Don’t worry, Finny,” Ciel said with a small sigh. Withdraw could explain the headaches, perhaps, but he still wanted to work water into his system somehow. He pulled on a tight-fitting polo and nodded to himself before saying, "You can turn around now, by the way."

Finny grinned as he looked at Ciel and took him in. "Well, Mey Rin is out getting groceries this morning, so I also figured I'd help her out by getting your sheets."

_Of course you did_ , Ciel thought bitterly as he nodded his confirmation. He made his way past the gardener in hopes of getting out of the room before Finny could notice what he'd left behind. 

While it was true that they were both men and it was something that they knew was biologically possible, Finny had admitted early on in his career there that he was still a virgin and honestly didn't see himself moving beyond that. He tended to shy away from sexual themes, just saying that the idea of sex didn't really appeal to him and even made him uncomfortable. That being said, he still dated girls occasionally, but they usually couldn't accept his stance on the issue. Ciel felt bad for him, knowing that the blonde had a heart of gold and that sex shouldn't define a relationship, but Finny had told them that he was taking a break from that for now anyways.

Still, while Finny might have had the occasional wet dream, he doubted it was something his servant wanted to discover about his employer while they were in the same room. So, he hurried down the stairs and towards the kitchen, where Sebastian and Bard were working diligently but still chatting while they worked. However, as soon as they noticed him, they looked up with small smiles. Sebastian's was a bit more subdued than Bard's- no doubt because Ciel had bitched him out the day after he found out the teacher had been the one who'd told Aunt Ann about the incident with Lenina, and Sebastian was still bitter about it. They hadn't resorted to snide remarks quite yet, and Ciel was honestly too tired to start a major argument again.

Besides, he really doubted that he would be able to seriously argue with his teacher right now anyways.

"I was informed we're getting pastries." Sebastian nodded once, and Ciel smirked. "Look at you, bending the rules for your own benefit. Afraid I'll get grumpy during lessons?"

"No, young master, I just figured that you would enjoy something sweet this morning after what seems to have been a troubled night of sleep for the third night in a row." Bard continued cooking, eyes widening as the sausage got a little darker on one side than he wanted. "Are you telling me that you _would not_ like all of these?" He gestured to the small pile of flaky pastries that were stacked up in a pyramid shape on the dish. "I'm sure that the rest of us would be able to finish them if you find yourself unable to eat one, but that seems very uncharacteristic of you."

"Oh, shut up, I was just trying to give you a hard time and you have to take things so seriously," he grumbled, turning to go to the study and play chess or _anything_ that would occupy his time better than standing around talking to this jerk. 

"Would you like to help?" Sebastian asked, and he froze. Turning, he saw Bard grin at the idea and nod emphatically. 

"Yeah! We'll show you what to do, young master! After all, we still need someone to work on the potatoes, and that takes nothing." He took a finished sausage off the skillet and placed it onto the paper towel covered plate nearby. 

Ciel really didn't want to. After all, why did they think that the family hired a chef anyways if they had any desire to cook for themselves? He was tempted to not even justify the question with a response and just duck out of the room, but he glanced over at Sebastian to see the bastard smiling. There was no doubt that he wouldn't take up the offer after seeing the smug look in those ruby eyes. They practically purred, _Oh, that's right. You're a pampered rich boy, aren't you? Why did I even bother to ask? Would you also like me to serve your meal with champagne and caviar?_

Still, he'd only ever cooked once, and that was under the strict supervision of Diedrich and like twelve years ago. "Uh, well, yeah, I don't see why not." He shuffled over to Bard, who was looking through the drawers to find him an apron, and his fingers wrapped hesitantly around the cloth.

"Over here, please," Sebastian directed, pointing towards a small pile of steaming, already chopped potatoes. "I just need you to brown them in the skillet. Do you know how to do that?"

"I think I can manage something as simple as browning some potatoes." He glared at the teacher, who raised his hands in surrender before smiling and going back to lightly sprinkling powdered sugar over half of the pastries- the ones he and the other servants could eat but Ciel could not. 

Going to the stove beside his teacher, Ciel set the non-stick skillet on the front burner and drizzled some oil into the pan. He remembered seeing Diedrich do this once when he made them grilled cheese sandwiches- Bard was out with Mey trying to field dress a deer. However, looking at the knob that corresponded to his burner, he hadn't the faintest idea whether or not he should put it on a high or low setting. Deciding that low was less likely to burn the potatoes, he turned the knob to the black line that extended from the two.

"I would recommend a higher setting, young master," came a low voice near his ear. Ciel jumped at the sound and looked up just in time to see Sebastian's face as he reached around his student to increase the heat to the fifth setting. Swallowing, Ciel nodded, distracting himself from the rush of heat that had spread across his face by grabbing handfuls of potatoes and throwing them into the skillet. 

All the while, his brain tried to rationalise it, chase away the obvious answer in favour of looking for zebras. _It's the heat from the skillet, making my cheeks warm. I just don't like him being so close to me, and it made me mad enough to turn red. The heat from his body warmed up my cheeks- a natural biological reaction. There's no way it's because-_

He stirred the potatoes around in the skillet a bit, not wanting them to get stuck to the pan. He didn't even glance at Sebastian where he stood, carefully arranging the pastries that could be eaten by everyone but him in a way where none of the sugar fell onto Ciel's pastries. He was a bit touched though that Sebastian had attempted to make him something sweet without necessarily using what his Aunt Ann would consider "sugar" just so Ciel could have something to curb his sweet tooth for the time being. After all, as the teacher had said, it made no sense to cut the boy off from one of the five major food groups, according to _Elf_ , especially cold turkey. Had he known that Sebastian cared _that_ much...

Nope, that was dangerous territory. He let out a little huff as anger filled him. No, he had to stop these ridiculous thoughts that were springing up before they got too risky or risqué. It was doubt that he was still just being affected by the feeling of gratitude that had rushed through him when Sebastian had saved him from being injured too badly after Lenina threw him. Also, on top of that stupid emotion, he was probably experiencing some feeling of longing because he'd rarely met someone in the last few years that wasn't related or a doctor- which were a little hard to deal with without a degree of mistrust- of some sort.

However, Sebastian- _Mr. Michaelis_ , Ciel ammended mentally. _Sebastian is too familiar._ \- must have taken his huff of anger as one of frustration because he looked over at the teen with a raised eyebrow and a small smirk. "Are you having difficulties, my lord? I thought you could manage something as simple as browning potatoes?" he asked in an innocent tone that made Ciel scowl at him. _Good, use the anger. There's no way you could feel anything but animosity for an asshole like this._

"I am doing perfectly fine, thank you. How about you focus on your own task instead of me before you leak _more_ powdered sugar on the countertop?" _Mr. Michaelis_ frowned and looked down where he had indeed made a mess with the sifter. He gave Ciel a slight, embarrassed smile but shrugged nonetheless.

"As long as you attend to your smoking potatoes. We need them brown, not burnt, young master."

Turning quickly back to his task, Ciel moved the potatoes around in the skillet, making sure to scrap off the one or two who decided that they were going to stick. He folded them over so that the bottoms faced up and showed off a healthy brown colour, feeling a bubble of pride well up in his chest. He could cook after all; just give him some instructions and point him in the right direction.

He heard her before he saw her.

There was a small commotion outside the kitchen from the hallway, like small shrieks of panic that quickly were subdued by tiny sighs of relief. He after noticing the trend a few times, he just chalked it up to Finny or Mey doing something stupid and went back to stirring the potatoes, determined not to let them burn so that Mr. Michaelis _had to_ recognise how good he was at doing this. He wanted to see that smug smirk fade into a slightly surprised but no less proud smile that would light his garnet eyes as he took in his student. Then perhaps his pink tongue would dart out to wet that smile, lips suddenly dry because he realised that the meal wasn't the only tasty morsel in the kitchen-

"Watch out! I can't stop!"

"Young master!"

He was grabbed around the waist and lifted off the ground before two arms wrapped around him. He was allowed only the slightest glimpse of cherry red before his vision was drowned in black. A hurried heartbeat pounded against his forehead, which was pillowed against a soft fabric. A loud crash errupted in the kitchen, and the arms and body around him flinched.

There was a half second of silence before pandemonium ensued.

"Mr. Sebastian, are you okay?" Mey Rin shrieked, and Ciel looked up to see red eyes, a small haze of pain clouding them but not enough that the worry that filled them wasn't visible.

_Oh, god, he's so warm. I can feel his heartbeat right now. How did he manage to life me like that? He must be strong. Holy shit, he's so hot looking all concerned like that. I can't believe that he'd do something like that._

"My lord, are you okay?" Sebastian asked, voice hoarse, and all Ciel could do was nod shakily. "Good. I must let go of you now. The, uh, potatoes are a bit painful."

_Potatoes? Why would he be talking about potatoes? They were in the skillet, which Mey Rin- Oh, god._ He let go of his teacher immediately and sidestepped, taking in the skillet which had been overturned when Mey crashed into it. The contents had been catapulted and were now either on Sebastian's back and legs or all over the ground by his feet. The pain must've been from the hot grease and the potatoes, and Ciel felt slightly guilty that he'd been the reason that Sebastian had gotten hurt, but then it sunk in.

That should've been him. Sebastian saved him from being hurt. Again.

_Isn't that something?_ a voice in his head whispered, making his heart start to race even more in his chest. _He could have just pushed you out of the way, but no. He shielded you using his body so that you wouldn't get hurt. He_ wrapped his arms around you _. Do you think he would have done that for Mey Rin or Finny?_

_Probably_ , the still stubborn part of Ciel argued. _Maybe he didn't think that he would be able to move me in time for him to safe just push me? Or maybe he figured that pushing me could injure me further?_

_But he was still putting your safety above his own. No normal teacher does that unless they actually care about their students._

_I'm sure plenty of teachers would put themselves between their students and pain, even if they don't even_ like _the kid._

_Are you sure?_

"Go to your room and take a cold shower," Ciel commanded as soon as he found his voice. "I'll have Mey wash your clothes, and we'll call a doctor if your burns are severe enough." He turned to the redhead standing in shock still near the stove. Her hands were full of bags, and a pair of roller skates- _really_ , did she think that she, who could barely manage to walk in a straight line in converse, could pull off skates?- replacing her normal black shoes.

"Mey, what the hell are you wearing?" he demanded, scowling at her despite the shame that was already burning her cheeks. "Where on earth did you get roller skates from? Please tell me you didn't spend the change from the groceries on something so absolutely frivolous that it's obvious you can't operate properly."

"No, no, of course not, young master," Mey said quickly, her eyes wide behind her spectacles. "I used a bit of my pay check on them. They were selling them out on the corner as part of a fundraiser for little girls to be in ballet. And I thought to myself, 'Mey, you knew you've always wanted to be in ballet, but you're just not coordinated enough, so what's twenty dollars?'" She set the bags down on the counter but slipped and had to grab onto the edge before she cracked her face onto it. "I figured I'd wear them around the house- to break them in, you see." She smiled happily down at her new skates. "Aren't they lovely?"

"And you think that you injuring my teacher is something to smile about?" Ciel asked darkly. Sebastian glanced at him, but the teen was at his end. "Sebastian, I thought I told you to go put some cold water on that!" he snapped, pointing towards the door.

His teacher did his typical brow raise before smirking. "Of course, my lord." He started towards the door, and Ciel watched him the whole time. The bit of food still stuck to his back, making the sight almost comical if he ignored the fact that the man was in pain.

"Get Finny to help you if you need someone to look at it," Ciel told him before he could walk out of the door completely. He got a nod in return and turned back to the maid and the shocked cook, who was slowly letting his bacon burn on the skillet in front of him. "Clean up this mess, you two, and see if you can salvage breakfast. I'll be in the study."

He left the room, and Tanaka was waiting for him in the parlour. His dark eyes were wide and full of worry, no doubt having seen Sebastian and heard the commotion from the kitchen. Ciel watched him look the teen up and down for injuries, but there were none. Sebastian had made sure of that.

"We may need to contact a doctor or go out to the store for some burn cream. I don't think we have any of that," Ciel said, thinking of how to treat something like that. He wasn't sure how bad his teacher would be hurt with the layers of clothes between the hot food and his skin, but it was likely that he could be sporting some burns. "If neither Mr. Michaelis or Finny comes to you in the next fifteen minutes, be sure to look for him to check up on his condition."

"Of course," the steward said, old face wrinkling with a smile. "Would you like me to bring your breakfast to you?"

"Yes, please." He suddenly felt tired, the excitement not mixing well with a restless sleep. "I'll be in my room. Make sure that they don't set the kitchen on fire while Sebastian is gone."

He left Tanaka to climb up the stairs towards his room. Every drag of his feet took more effort than normal, and he wanted was to bury his face in his blankets and sleep for the rest of the day. 

Unfortunately, he got back to his room only to see Finny struggling with his sheets. The blonde was attempting to put on the bottom sheet, but the corners kept popping back up and making him groan in frustration. Ciel sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, the headache starting to grow to an actual pain. _There goes the sleeping idea._

"Oh, I'm sorry, young master!" Finny apologised as soon as he noticed Ciel. "I've been trying to get these corners to cooperate, but it's just not working!"

_I do not have the energy to deal with this._ "Just leave it. I need you to go make sure Mr. Michaelis is okay. He should be in the shower right now, so knock."

"What happened?" Turquoise eyes went as wide as saucers, filling his face in fear.

"There was an incident in the kitchens, and he got sprayed by some scalding food. He might have burns on his back and legs, which could be difficult for him to see. I just need you to go down there and make sure he's okay. As soon as Mey is done with cleaning the kitchen, tell her to come up here and finish the sheets." At Finny's wounded expression, Ciel sighed, trying to keep from snapping at him. "It's not your fault you couldn't finish the bed, Finnian, honestly. Why do you think Mey Rin is the maid and you're the gardener?"

The blonde instantly perked up. "That's true! Okay, I'll go downstairs!" He walked purposefully past Ciel, leaving the teen all alone in his room again.

_I'm going to take a bath or something. Hopefully Mey can get up here quickly and make this bed_ , he thought, starting towards the bathroom. Even if it was his second bathing in under an hour, he just wanted to stretch out and be closed off from the unnecessary chaos that was this damn manor. As he closed the bathroom door behind him, he twisted the lock in place, putting a physical boundary between them and him.

He twisted the knobs to the claw bathtub, letting hot and cold water pound into the floor, filling it quickly and making steam rise to Ciel’s face. He sighed softly and added some bath salts for sore muscles for the stiff feeling that had rested between his shoulder blades. That, and the smell tended to ward off headaches, which he was in desperate need of right now.

After it was nearly full, he shut off the water and slipped out of the clothes he’d just put on not that long ago. Part of him felt guilty for wasting water, but there wasn’t any other way to relax and block out the fools that were employed there.

_Well, not quite fools, but they are in some obvious need of help. Roller skates while bringing in groceries? Seriously, that takes a special breed._ He stepped into the water and lowered himself down, hissing softly under his breath as the salts tingled along his skin and played along the nerves. It tickled, almost, but the relief was almost immediate as he finally settled himself in the dip at the foot of the tub. The cold stone felt good as well, and he closed his eyes.

With the only sound in the room being the _drip, drip, drip_ of the water as it slipped from the faucet, he closed his eyes to further put himself away from the room and imagine he was somewhere else entirely.

Going to the horse farm had been the first time he’d left the house in a few years. Of course, once again, he’d travelled only by the aid of sedatives, but he was moving past that. Lenina was going to help he get out of the house, go to the damn doctor’s office when he was sick rather than hope a doctor would make it to his manor. He could go to school next year, rather than use online classes. He could actually have a life outside of the tiny little slice he got in at home.

It was probably why he was getting this way around Sebastian. After all, he was the first new guy Ciel had met since prickly Dr. Spears, and the teacher happened to be somewhat attractive. It didn’t help that he had acted as Ciel’s freaking knight in shining armour not once, but twice now. He understood to an extent what his student was thinking, even if he didn’t even approve.

And he stayed. He stayed, no matter what sort of snotty remark the teen threw at him, no matter what incident happened with the other servants, or how many times Grell “checked to make sure his _little man_ was still healthy enough to react when squeezed.” He woke up at the same time every morning, not using the excuse that living in-house now meant he could teach Ciel whenever he wanted. He stayed through every test of his patience, and that said something about him. Especially since he’d had greedy jerks drop him and run away over much less.

And that look of concern in his eyes when he’d stared down at Ciel this morning, arms wrapped snuggly around the teen’s body and pulling him close so that all the grease would hit his back instead of any inch of Ciel. He seriously could’ve just let him get injured, especially after how rude Ciel had been to him, but he didn’t. He just didn’t.

The phantom pressure of those arms was still pressed against his skin, no matter how much the nerve endings were being distracted by the bath salts. If he squeezed his eyes even tighter and let himself completely drift from this tub, he could pretend they were still there, that those crimson eyes were still latched onto his as lids slowly covered them and unveiled them again.

Readjusting himself, he let his imagination take over his thoughts, knowing there was no way good could come of this, but _he didn’t care, dammit_.

_The arms squeezed him even tighter to Sebastian’s body, which was looming over him in the bath now, rather than downstairs. Crimson eyes took in his body as Ciel squirmed under his gaze, a hot flush racing up his chest and to his cheeks. A large hand reached up from his back to run damp, warm fingers along the dusting of pink, the touch barely there but still able to make Ciel tremble._

_“You’re so soft, my lord,” the man purred, thumb brushing lovingly against his cheek. “And this colour makes you look like a little peach, ripe for the picking.”_

_“A peach? Is that the best you can do?” Ciel taunted, even as he could feel his dick stirring beneath the surface of the water. “I hope you can explain your reasoning behind that."_

_"Of course." The hand that had been on his cheek trailed down to his chest, following the brush and making the teen even more aware of its presence. "You're such a delicate, creamy dear at the moment- soft but not overly so." He smirked, bending to press his lips to the skin over Ciel's heart. "And you taste good enough to take a bite," he whispered huskily, and CIel gasped as a pink tongue darted out to barely give him a little kitten lick._

_The door opened in the bedroom, but his Sebastian only placed a finger to his smiling lips. "We must be quiet, young master. You don't want Mey to hear us, do you?"_

_Ciel shook his head and swallowed, squeezing his eyes shut. Thos lips pressed to his moist skin once more before moving to the edge of his ribs, sucking sweetly on the skin he passed by and drawing helpless, soft little moans from Ciel's throat. The teen clamped his hand over his mouth, but his head fell back onto the edge of the tub restlessly. Sebastian froze long enough to chuckle before sliding his hands down to the hips beneath him._

_"I'm going to have to move you around a bit so we fit," he murmured, "so just relax and let me do this." He lifted Ciel's waist and legs out of the water before settling between them, knees bent over the man's shoulders. "Are you okay, young master?"_

_A hiss left his lips as his erection met the cold air of the room. "_ Yes _, dammit. Keep going." He slid down the side of the tub until he was barely above the water's surface, held up by his arm gripping the side._

Of course, that's when it all went wrong.

His hand wrapped around his own cock, and it suddenly began to go limp in his hands as a rush of fear overwhelmed him. He let go of himself immediately, the air suddenly sucked out of his lungs, and sat up in the water so that he could open up his lungs. However, his larnyx was already squeezing shut, his heart already racing out of his chest. His stomach turned viciously in his gut, and he had just enough time to turn around and bend over the side of the tub so that the vomit got into the toilet nearby.

He heaved like that for a solid minute or two, unable to answer Mey Rin when she started knocking on the door. It was starting to get even more difficult to breathe, and his grip on the lip of the tub was weakening along with the strength in his knees. Even as he gasped in air in the brief pauses, his vision was starting to darken along the corners, making him squeeze his eyes shut so he didn't have to accept it.

Panic was keeping his thoughts scrambled, but one word kept going through his head, making him woozy and confused as he managed to stop vomiting and slid down into the water. The door opened behind him, and he heard Mey's distressed shout of, "Young master!"

Over and over in his mind, a panicked voice screamed, _Stop, stop, stop!_ But before he could figure out what it meant and why it sounded strangely like his own voice, he fainted.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Help me! Someone, it's the young master!"

Sebastian heard Mey's voice while he was making his way up the stairs with Finny. The blonde had shown up after his shower to see how badly the burns were, but they were thankfully very minor and only needed a bit of salve spread over them. They had been heading up to tell Ciel as much, only to hear the maid's shout.

_Oh, god, what's happened to him?_ he thought in a daze as he and the gardener started running up the steps two at a time. _Perhaps the incident this morning was too much for his anxiety? Is he ill again?_ Neither one would be good, but at least the anxiety attack could be remedied easier than if the teen got another fever. 

When they went into the room, he could only see that the bed was almost made but the pillows had been dropped on the ground in Mey's haste. He hurried over to the open bathroom door to see the redhead heaving the soaking boy out of the tub. His blue eyes were shut, dark lashes brushing against paler-than-normal cheeks. The stench of bile filled the air, and a glance at the toilet confirmed his theory. Sebastian rushed over to pull Ciel in his arms and carry him to the bed where he could lay down.

"What happened?" Finny asked terrified. "Why was he in the tub?"

"He was taking a bath," Mey said in a distressed rush, handing Sebastian a towel so he could start patting the teen's drenched body dry. "I was in here making the bed for you, and you know, I heard a noise every so often, but it didn't seem like he was in trouble or anything." She wrung her apron in her fingers and continued, "Suddenly, I can hear him puking in there, but the door was locked, so I had to look for my key." The maid pulled out her master key as evidence and glanced worriedly over at the boy on the bed. "By the time I got in there, he'd fainted. I didn't realise at first, but then his head sunk below the water. I don't think he breathed any in."

Finny was frowning but still looked close to tears. "Why would he take a bath? He took a shower before I came up to change the sheets earlier. It's not like him to bath any more than every other day." A blush suddenly lit up his cheeks, and he turned away. "Um, shouldn't we dress him or something?"

Sebastian nodded and stared at them, waiting for one of them to step forward for the task. Only, both of them were full-flushed and looking away from Ciel's body. "Okay, I'll do it, then," he sighed, wondering how the hell they had managed so far without him. "Mey, you call Madam Red and let her know what's happened. Finny, see if you can get a hold of Doctor Agni in case he can figure out what's wrong with Ciel."

They nodded and rushed out of the room to complete their tasks. The teacher sighed and closed the door behind him, turning to the dresser that was near the bathroom door. Opening the drawers experimentally, he quickly located baggy pyjamas and some briefs to help his student into.

_Really, this has to the most high-maintenance student I've had since Ronald,_ he complained in his head. Immediately, he felt guilty, reminding himself that the reason he got into this job was so that he could help kids that the system didn't want to put the proper amount of effort into. Ciel needed effort, and Sebastian had signed up to put it forth.

He had put on the briefs and had moved to sliding the top to the pyjamas over the teen's head when he heard a soft groan. He glanced down in time to see two blue eyes blink blearily open, and he let go of Ciel's body in case he started to yell at him. He knew well enough that his student did _not_ like being woken up. He still need to adjust the top so it wasn't uncomfortable on him and prayed that he wasn't about to get chewed out.

However, when his fingers brushed against Ciel's side to fix it, blue eyes widened with fear, and he yelled, "Don't touch me!" 

Jumping to his feet and several steps back, Sebastian held up his hands to shoulder height. Ciel had scurried back on the bed, too, drawing his knees to his chest and panting as he struggled to work past the fear that was bright in his eyes. His chest inflated and deflated sharply as he wheezed in whatever air he could swallow in. The man watched him cautiously, waiting for the moment that he relaxed and let him near again. Whatever was troubling him was instinctual and had just come about, and he would work himself into a full blown panic attack unless he calmed down.

"Ciel, calm down, okay? I won't touch you again if you don't want me to; I promise." He wasn't sure if his student could understand him, so he asked, "What's wrong? Do you need some help?" The teen gasped in a breath of air, and Sebastian instinctively walked towards him.

That made Ciel scream and scurry under the blankets to hide from him. "No! Stop! Go away!"

Sebastian opened his mouth to say _something_ that would calm his student down, but he was cut off by the sound of the door opening and Mey hurrying in. "Madam Red said she would be coming as soon as possible. It's still rush hour down town, so it won't be-" Her eyes took in the trembling lump under the blankets and widened, hand covering her mouth in concern as she started towards the bed.

He held out an arm to stop her, shaking his head. He honestly had no idea how to calm the teen down, and it settled in as a solid ache in his chest. This was different than the anxiety attacks, especially since it seemed that Ciel was conscious enough to move around and talk to him. He was gasping, but he wasn't far enough along that he was running out of air. He looked at Mey and swallowed.

"I don't understand what's wrong with him, but I don't think it's Dr. Agni that will help. Tell Finny to try and get Diedrich here immediately."

"Yessir!" She spared one last glance at the bundle on the bed before hurrying out again. 

He needed to get Ciel to calm down. He wasn't sure how, but it was important he did. He made his way over to the bed and slowly sat down on the edge furthest from his student. He sat there, placing a hand on the duvet and sliding it until he found a shoulder. Ciel flinched and wailed for a second before bunching up tighter, but Sebastian kept his hand there. Then, making as much noise as he possibly could, he inhaled deeply but slowly and held the breath for several seconds before exhaling just as he'd inhaled. He repeated this a few times until he felt the trembling beneath his hand pause long enough for Ciel to try and mimic his breathing. 

Very softly, he murmured to the teen, "I promise I won't hurt you, okay? Okay? On my life, and you have to trust me on that." He rubbed the shoulder and continued to breathe loudly. "You don't have to talk, not if you don't want to. Just calm down, and it'll be okay. Keep breathing." He looked up as Bard and Tanaka came in, eyes widening as they found the two on the bed. Sebastian ignored them and just said soothingly as he continued his ministrations. "Keep breathing. That's good. No one's going to hurt you, my lord. Not a soul in this manor, I promise you."

He heard a tiny mumble from beneath the blankets that sounded suspiciously like, "I'm scared," and he felt his heart break. Why he'd been chosen to go through so much, Sebastian could only guess that whoever the hell was in charge had _something_ up his sleeve. Still, he felt the blanket shift, and Ciel slid so his shoulder was pressed to Sebastian's thigh.His eyes peeked just above the edge of the blankets and found his teacher's past all the tears in those blue orbs. "Do you promise? Do you promise it won't happen again?"

_Again? Christ, what the hell happened to him?_ "I promise. Never, ever again," he assured the teen, and those sapphire eyes closed again before he wiggled around and rested his face against Sebastian's thight and knee. The man looked up at the two in the doorway, trying to figure out if this was normal, but they looked just as confused. Tanaka, though, then nodded and smiled a tiny bit at the teacher for reassurance that he was doing the right thing.

So, very slowly, Sebastian rested his hand on Ciel's head, letting his fingers run comfortingly through the slate locks and watching the teen closely to make sure that the touch wasn't disturbing him. His student's breathing was slowing down drastically, and he was surprised when it evened out, eyes closed with a somewhat relaxed expression on his face. Hopefully he would be in a more lucid state when he woke up this time, and perhaps Diedrich and he could work together to figure out what had triggered him.

Bard took a step in the door, swallowing visibly before asking, "What happened to him?"

"I'm not sure, but at first he didn't want me touching him." Sebastian continued the languid strokes, worried that Ciel would wake if he stopped. "He was rather distressed by it, actually, and I have no idea why now."

That made the chef frown. "You didn't do anything sick to him, did you? You're not one of those guys who touch little kids?"

Sebastian scowled at him, his skin crawling at the idea. "Never in my life have I even entertained the possibily of finding people significantly younger than me attractive or even appealing," he protested, not able to keep the blatant disgust from his voice. "I've had offers, but I wouldn't ever in my life take them up on it. It's gross, and it would be a horrifying abuse of my position over them."

Bard deflated, scratching the back of his neck. "Then I can't imagine why he would be so worried about people touching him." He walked slowly over to the bed. "He's kinda cute, though, in a puppies and kittens sort of way."

Sebastian looked behind him to Tanaka, whose eyes were wide again but almost glazed over, like his mind was elsewhere. The expression definitely hinted that the steward knew _something_ about what was going on. He made a note to ask the older man about it later, perhaps after Madam Red and Diedrich were watching over Ciel for him. Until then, he could only keep an eye on his student and just keep doing his part to chase away the demons that haunted him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya! Multiple things to note here:  
>  -One, Ciel essentially had his panic attack because he was touching himself. I'm running with the idea that, since he's never really had a deep _sexual_ attraction to anyone before (I hinted that he had a crush on Sieglinde, but that would have been romantic, probably), he has probably never really masturbated. This may or may not be a key to why he is the way he is.^^'
> 
> -Sebastian is being so bull-headed right now about everything, but it'll go fine. I promise I still have every intention of this being Sebaciel! Be patient, okey?^^' Ciel is slowly becoming head over heels for him.^^
> 
> -So, on I do believe the last chapter, someone named Rose asked me if I'm going to establishing an update schedule (or if I had one, really). I did not since I usually am too busy to consistently write every day, but recently I've had to go to my abuela's after school rather than my aunt's, and I've been using her computer to write, which means I pump out chapters quicker. I'm thinking perhaps every other Tuesday will be a good day? We'll see how that goes, and if I can reach that, then coolio. :)


	9. The Dead of Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At night, things start to come out that might have been better left unsaid.

They sat in silence, everyone at the table still stinging from the argument that had been nearly an hour ago. Tanaka was the only one making the occasional sound, a small, mindless chuckle here and there. Of course, forks scraped against plates, glasses _thump_ ed when they were set down, and chairs creaked as people shifted in them as the uneasy tension in the room grew to be too much.

It had started with Madam Red coming home to find Ciel passed out with his head in Sebastian's lap, hair apparently being stroked to help the teen sleep. Thinking the worse, she had gone off on the man with redhead vehemence that had woken her nephew up, which had set off the teacher.

Apparently, Ciel had had some sort of episode, one that had made him act adversely to Sebastian's touch, and it had been difficult to calm him down. He hadn't been in the right state of mind when he had passed out again, so the man had been afraid that his student would slip back into that state of being when he was awoken. Diedrich had shown up with Dr. Agni and Soma not five minutes afterwards. While Dr. Agni calmed the arguing adults down, Diedrich tried to retrace with Ciel what had led him to having the initial panic attack.

_“It could help us understand why you have them, or it could be another trigger that we need to avoid," the psychologist had said, settling in the study chair with a heavy frown. "Were you doing anything different? Anything that you haven't done before this morning in the bathroom?"_

You mean like me trying to jerk off to a fantasy about my teacher? _But he couldn't admit that, didn't want to have to say that he could get hard just as well as the next guy but couldn't follow through. So, he lied and said, "Nothing I can think of, no. I was just taking a bath, trying to relax after the whole incident this morning."_

_Diedrich frowned at that. "Are you sure? You shouldn't be having that severe of a panic attack just from taking a bath. Did you think about anything that made you nervous or scared?" When Ciel raised his eyebrow, Diedrich scowled at him. "I honestly don't care about your damn pride, boy, and after all this time, neither should you. You want to get better, don't you?"_

_“Of course I want to get better!" the teen snapped, shooting up from his chair. "I've always been cooperative with you, no matter what you throw my way! How dare you imply that I want to be an invalid for the rest of my life?"_

_“I never implied that!" he protested indignantly. "_ You _however aren't exactly being forthcoming, though. There has to have been_ something _different that happened." A thought seemed to strike him, and he asked, "What about when you woke up? What was running through your head?"_

That's pretty easy. _"I was wondering why Aunt Ann and Se- Mr. Michaelis were yelling at each other," he answered truthfully as he lowered himself into his seat, mentally cursing his very near slip-up. Diedrich must not have noticed it since his expression hadn't changed, so he felt a small rush of relief run through him. "Then, when I caught more snippets, I was wondering what they were talking about and why my teacher was standing near my bed."_

_“What about before that? Finnian told me on the phone that you were awake and hysterical, not wanting anyone to touch you or even be within reaching distance of you. It took some work for Mr. Michaelis to calm you down and get you to rest again before you worked yourself into another panic attack." He folded a leg over the other. "Do you have any recollection of that? Any memory of hiding under the covers and screaming when anyone went to touch you?"_

What the hell? _"No, I don't, actually. In fact, I have no idea what you're talking about. Why would I hide under the covers like I'm five years old again? No, I remember being in the tub, and then suddenly I couldn't breathe." He tried to be as nonchalant as possible without being so casual that Diedrich saw right through him. Besides, masturbating had nothing to do with him being afraid of cars, so it was obviously something else that was causing his anxiety. So, with a shrug, he continued, "Then, I threw up and fainted in the bath water. Next thing I know, I'm waking up to Aunt Ann and Sebastian yelling at each other, and her accusing him of being a pedophile."_

_“Sebastian?" The psychologist had looked faintly puzzled, eyebrow raised as a slow frown turned down his lips._

Shit. Damn, damn, damn. _“Mr. Michaelis, I mean. Sometimes, in my head I call him Sebastian. It’s not as long.”_

_However, Diedrich was_ not _buying it. “Ciel, what are your feelings towards Mr. Michaelis?”_

Son of a bitch. _“I mean, he’s my teacher. I trust him to an extent, since he’s also in charge of teaching me to horseback ride, but it doesn’t go beyond that,” he responded as convincingly as possible. “Why would you ask that?”_

_He only got a small sigh. “Ciel, it’s perfectly reasonable if you feel_ more _for Mr. Michaelis. We can’t work through it unless you tell me.” He leaned forwards a bit, looking all the part of the patient psychologist. “Do you have romantic feelings for him? Do you think those feelings may be reciprocated?”_

_Ciel straightened and scowled at him, even as his heart was racing in his chest. “No! That’s disgusting, Diedrich!” He attempted to look offended, rising from his seat. “I thought you of all people would know that I don’t see anybody in that sort of light anymore! After all the discussions we’ve had on my sexuality, I thought you would never ask me whether or not I’m romantically involved with someone!”_

_“Well, you were terrified of being touched, but he was the only one capable of calming you down, apparently!” came the indignant reply. “You curled up against his thigh! There has to be more going on in your head, even if it’s unconscious, than you have a tiny ounce of respect for him! You never addressed any of your other teachers by first name!”_

_“I told you that that was a fluke! I could have been calling all my teachers by the first names before now, and it’s just been this one time that I’ve slipped up around you. Who’s to say that I haven’t called one of my other teachers by name in front of Aunt Ann or Finny?”_

_“Why are you getting so defensive?” Diedrich asked suddenly, and Ciel stiffened. “If it was just a fluke, you could’ve left it at that, but you continued. You amped this up, something you only do when you’re hiding something.” He stood up as well and went to put his hand on the teen’s shoulder. “You can tell me, and I swear it won’t leave this room. Not even your aunt will know. Especially not your aunt.”_

_He’d stared up at him, searching his eyes for the lie. He could just get it off his chest, let Diedrich know so that they could work out this unhealthy attraction together, and Ciel could move on with his life. After all, Sebastian was his teacher; there was no way that a relationship between them could be good for his mental health._

But why? _his heart asked._ This is the first person you’ve felt romantically interested in since Sieglinde, and it’s been even worse since that incident with Kelvin. What’s so wrong with falling for someone _finally_? Huh?

_“I am not attracted to Sebastian Michaelis,” Ciel finally said, looking Diedrich straight in the eye. “I don’t know why I went to him when I was freaking out earlier. Perhaps it was because he was the only level-headed on in the room from the sound of it. If I_ do _feel anything for him, I am not consciously aware of it, and it has not revealed itself to me. Now, can we please stop talking about it?”_

_He could tell that Diedrich still didn’t believe him, but the psychologist still sighed and nodded. “I suppose that we can drop it for now.” He clapped his hand on Ciel’s shoulder and maintained eye contact with him. “Just remember you can talk to me about anything, and it doesn’t have to leave this room- ever.”_

_Ciel just nodded, and they went back to the parlour, where Sebastian and Aunt Ann were quiet but obviously still seething. Dr. Agni was frowning, looking between them so that he could defuse them again if necessary._

They’d retired to the drawing room, waiting in awkward silence until Bard and Tanaka finished what had then become brunch. So, there they were, eating in the same quietly tense atmosphere that was making Ciel want to jump out of his skin. He avoided looking at Sebastian longer than normal, since Diedrich _and_ Aunt Ann were on the lookout for any funny business. He didn’t want to get the teacher fired, but he couldn’t keep from replaying what had happened this morning from his head and from wondering what exactly had happened after he’d supposedly woken up the first time.

Aunt Ann didn’t go back to work after the meal, even though Diedrich, Dr. Agni, and Soma did. And, even though Ciel and Sebastian started their lessons after brunch, she made a point of popping in for really insignificant reasons. Like, once she stopped in to ask if anyone wanted to have tea with her, and then not even ten minutes later, she came in to compliment Sebastian on the pastries, since they’d had the leftovers from brunch for tea. It was getting on both of their nerves, but they couldn’t complain, lest she get really suspicious.

By the time Ciel made it to bed that night, he was so high-strung that he couldn’t even sleep. The events of the day were just making him toss and turn, eyes wide open. No matter what he tried, he couldn’t fall asleep, even after sneaking to the kitchen and warming up some milk and adding honey. Unfortunately, Diedrich had never liked the idea of drugging him to help him sleep, saying that a lot of the medicine on the market for anxiety-caused insomnia had a tendency of being highly addictive.

With a soft sigh, he made his way down the hall further, heading towards the room that had once housed his parents. While Aunt Ann had the option of taking it, she always declined, saying it felt wrong to sleep there. It was maintained- no dust, vacuumed along with the rest of the house, and so on- and Ciel used to just lay there when his insomnia had first started, thinking that perhaps the smell of his parents would ease him to sleep. It hadn’t but it at least made him feel a little less lonely. 

He climbed onto the bed and pulled back the blankets before worming himself under them. It was surprisingly warm, and he was immediately engulfed with his mom and dad’s scent. Closing his eyes and pretending that the warm blankets around him were his parents, he attempted to fall asleep.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sebastian opened his eyes with a frustrated groan. He could not sleep no matter how hard he tried, even though his clock now informed him that it was three in the morning. Massaging his neck, he sat up and flipped on the lamp on his bedside table. Perhaps he could get tired after reading for a bit.

However, only five pages later, he was distracted by the sound of footsteps above him. From his little knowledge of the layout of the house, his memory told him that directly above him was the master bedroom, down the hall from Ciel’s bedroom.

_What the hell is he doing up at this hour?_ he wondered as he slid out of bed. Grabbing a robe and wrapping it around himself, the teacher exited his room as silently as possible and went to investigate. After what had happened this morning, he was nervous to leave Ciel by himself to have another anxiety attack to that point again.

He was extra quiet as he passed the junction that led off to either the master bedroom or Madam Red’s room. She had this strange idea that Sebastian was taking advantage of Ciel earlier, and he didn’t want to add more fuel to her fire, as disgusting as her fire was. He honestly could not see himself being attracted to his student- not only because of the age difference, but because of how awful it would be to exploit Ciel’s obvious sexual naiveté. It was possible that if Ciel was a few years older and _not_ his student, he _might_ find him somewhat appealing, but it was still an odd idea to wrap his mind around.

Ciel was pacing in the empty room when Sebastian looked through the crack. The teen was frowning, looked absolutely exhausted, but it seemed like he was also restless. Perhaps he was having trouble sleeping as well?

Being as quiet as possible, he opened and closed the door as Ciel was facing his direction. Blue eyes went wide as he stopped in his tracks, looking anxious for some reason. That made Sebastian nervous, especially after Madam Red had made that huge scene in front of her nephew. Did he think Sebastian was trying to take advantage of him, too?

Holding his hands level to his shoulders, he whispered, “I came to see what was going on up here. My room is directly below this one, so I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

He got a nod and a little half-smile that was more of a testament to how tired his student was than an assurance. “After everything that happened today, I had trouble sleeping,” came a very resigned reply.

Sebastian nodded, sitting on the bed so that Ciel was taller than him. After being around the teen for a few months, he’d learned that making his student feel like he was in control of the situation put him at ease. Thus, he’d gotten accustomed to calling him “my lord” and sitting down as often as possible so that Ciel had that air of importance surrounding him. 

It only got a nod out of him now, rather than the usual smirk. “I never did thank you,” Ciel murmured instead. “For calming me down, I mean. From what I heard from Finny earlier, I was practically hysterical, not wanting anyone to touch me. But you managed to calm me down.”

Sebastian shrugged, not understand the new tone that had seeped slightly into the teen’s voice. It wasn’t one he’d used with his teacher before, but it wasn’t completely new to the man. Where he’d heard it before, he couldn’t say, so he ignored it and just replied, “I did as anyone would do, my lord. I’m sorry that Mey or Finny did not think of it first.” He met those blue eyes and gave his best smile. “I hope you do not think that there is any truth in your aunt’s words.”

“What? That you’re a pedophile who’s out to seduce me?” The tone wasn’t going away, but it was still undecipherable. “Why are you worried that I’ll believe her?”

“I don’t want our trust to be broken after all this time,” Sebastian admitted, his heart wrenching at the idea. “I do believe we’ve figured out some sort of common ground between us, and I don’t want you to be afraid of me and my intentions.”

“But are you?”

Sebastian’s eyes widened, his heart racing in his chest. So he _did_ think that! This was bad, very bad. He couldn’t figure out what was going on under all that slate hair, but he’d hoped that those sort of thoughts hadn’t poisoned his view of his teacher. “No, no, no, my lord. You don’t have to worry about anything like that.” He tried for his best reassuring smile. “That isn’t why I got in this business, and I really don’t think of you that way.”

Something flickered across the teen’s face, but it was gone before Sebastian could even figure out what it was. “Good. I don’t want to guess your intentions, and perhaps we can work together to get Aunt Ann off our backs. I’m not sure how you felt about it, but her intrusions during your teaching made it very hard to focus.”

_It made it very hard to teach. I felt like I had a dragon breathing down my neck._ “I bet they did. Yes, we’ll figure it out together.”

Ciel nodded and sat beside him, surprisingly only a foot away. “She did say that we could continue our lessons the day after tomorrow. After today, I managed to sucker her into lessening the sentence.” He smirked, looking more like the cocky teen that Sebastian knew.

“Good. Have you learned your lesson?” He knew that he hadn’t, but at least they could work on taking steps rather than leaps. “I’d hate for you to get grounded again.”

“Shut up, bastard.” Ciel elbowed him in the ribs, and a small chuckle slipped out of Sebastian’s throat without warning. He was so glad that they’d managed to fix this. For some reason, the idea that he could’ve lost all of the progress he’d made with Ciel was enough to make him feel sick.

Still, he had to ask one question before the mood slipped away from them. “Are you sure that you’re okay from this morning?” Sebastian looked him straight in the eye, making sure that any possible bit of sympathy or pity was drowned out by legitimate concern. “That was worse than any panic attack I’ve seen you have, and I’d be lying if that and everything that followed didn’t make me worried about you.”

A sudden flash of pink caught the man’s attention as Ciel wet his dry lips. It was strange, but seeing that made his heartbeat speed up just a little. However, before he could analyse that, Ciel just murmured gently, “I think I’ll be okay. I’m not sure what happened either, but hopefully it never happens again.” He blinked twice, very slowly, and tilted his head to the side. “If it does, how will you calm me down? Will you do what you did this morning?”

_What is going on? What type of question is that?_ “If that is what works, and your aunt is fine with it, yes, I will have to.” He raised an eyebrow. “Are _you_ okay with that?”

“Whatever you have to do is fine with me,” he answered, and Sebastian could’ve sworn his tone was hinting at something a little…

…flirty.

Ciel inched closer to him. “What did you do this morning to calm me down? Stroke my hair? Hum me to sleep?” 

Heart racing a bit more, the man swallowed. “Not quite, no.” He wondered if he was just picking up the wrong undercurrents, being hyperaware of his interaction with Ciel because of Madam Red’s accusations. It was quite possible, but he still wasn’t sure if he’d seen this side of Ciel.

Who was inching even closer. “Show me. Tell me what to do and I’ll repeat it.” His eyes were dangerously close- close enough that Sebastian could tell that his pupils were dilated. “Just tell me the steps.”

_His breath is so hot against my neck. Holy shit, doesn’t this boy have any idea what it looks like he’s doing? If I didn’t know any better, then I would think that he’s-_

Sebastian sprung up from the bed. “I’m not sure if that’s entirely appropriate.” He cleared his throat and smiled down at _his student_ , for Christ’s sake. There was no reason why he should be doing anything that was borderline inappropriate to begin with, but, looking back, it seemed that their relationship had always been so.

_Well, no more of that. This is his senior year, the year where he tries to get everything together for a change, and I’m not going to distract him by giving in to any teacher/student fantasies._ It wasn’t like he had any plans to jeopardise his career anyways, but now his resolve was strong enough to fight off any more advances. _Perhaps I’m overthinking this. Maybe he’s not even aware that he’s flirting with me. And if he, who knows how he’ll feel about it in the morning?_

So, without missing a beat, he offered, “Shall I leave you to get some sleep, my lord? I’m sure that I’m not making your efforts any better by talking with you and letting you dwell on the events of the day.” He opened the door, forcing Ciel to stop speaking unless he wanted to risk Madam Red hearing them talking together in the wee hours of the morning. With a nod, he ignored the bereft expression on his student’s face and made his way back downstairs, moving as quietly as he’d gone up.

He almost ran into Finny at the bottom of the stairs, who was trying to act as nonchalant as possible, but those turquoise eyes told the teacher loud and clear that he’d overheard the conversation. The parlour was lit by the moon coming in through the windows, so he made sure that he kept all the fear off his face and eyes, replacing it with pleasant surprise. The gardener went to speak, but Sebastian placed a finger to his lips and pointed to the nearby drawing room.

They walked over to the dark room, and he struggled to keep his heart from leaping out of his chest. The last he need was Finny misinterpreting what had happened upstairs and telling Madam Red. By the nervous look that hadn’t left the younger man’s face since he ran into Sebastian, that was exactly what he thought, and that was very, very bad. So, as soon as Sebastian closed the two doors to the drawing room, he turned to face the now terrified gardener with the best placating expression he could conjure up.

“I know what that upstairs looked like,” he admitted, “especially after what the madam said this morning. You don’t have to pretend that that wasn’t going through your head.”

Finny relaxed a margin but still kept his distance from the teacher, locking his stance as if to ward off an attack. In a whisper, he pointed out, “I don’t think that going to meet with the young master late at night is very innocent looking. Especially with how vulnerable he is right now.”

_That’s fair._ “In all honesty, the reason I went up there _is_ because I heard him moving around in his parents’ room.” He rested against the door. “But, I also was afraid that he was pacing because he was freaking out like this morning, and I wanted to check on him. You and I both know he’s usually only up if he’s had a nightmare.”

Finny frowned at that before a thought seemed to cross his mind and his mouth opened up in a wide _Oh_. “I guess you _wouldn’t_ know, huh?” He giggled and smiled brightly at the teacher, shrugging. “The young master sometimes suffers from depression or stress induced insomnia. It hasn’t happened for a while, so that’s probably why you don’t know about it. His stress either comes out as nightmares or just never falling asleep.” He nodded to himself, as if making a mental note and clarified out loud, “He may be tired in the morning, but at least he doesn’t have lessons tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow is Saturday, huh?” The week had seemed to drag on, and despite going over the normal classes and such for Friday, it seemed like there had been too many distractions for him to actually retain the information that he’d actually taught. He hoped that Ciel had managed to understand, even though he doubted that it was the best lesson he’d given him so far.

“Do you think Mr. Diedrich is going to be there tomorrow even though he stopped by today?” Finny asked, and Sebastian shrugged.

“I’m not sure. I don’t make a habit of being around Ciel and him when they’re together. I get the feeling Ciel tries to put on a mask around me, and I don’t want that to impact how his counselling sessions go.” Finny nodded, a small frown dimming his smile. “Do you think that Madam Red hates me now?”

“Well, after what happened with Mr. Kelvin, it’s understandable how she’s acting, but I think she’ll calm down if you give her time,” Finny assured him.

_Kelvin? Wasn’t that the one Lizzy had called a “pervert teacher?”_ Sebastian wondered before asking aloud, “What happened with Mr. Kelvin? Was he Ciel’s teacher before me?”

Finny nodded, suddenly looking upset. “He was here for a short time, but it was long enough for him to try and, uh…” He gestured vaguely to his own body and make a distressed expression. “He tried to… well, _take advantage of the young master_ ,” the blonde blurted before covering his mouth. 

_What the hell? What type of guy tries to do that to his student? I bet it must have made the poor boy terrified of finding a new tutor. It’s a wonder he even lets people near him._ Sebastian closed his eyes to block out the image of Ciel backing into a corner while some creep advanced on him. _It’s no wonder Madam Red was upset over finding the two of us together. I would have been as well._

“Did he hurt him?” the teacher asked quietly, almost afraid of the answer.

Finny shook his head. “Luckily, Mey was coming in to serve tea and she saw him looming over the young master with those creepy hands outstretched towards the young master’s pants. She screamed, and we all came running. Mr. Kelvin left immediately, and Madam Red called the cops. He ended up skipping town, and we haven’t seen him since.” He actually scowled, making Sebastian’s eyes widen just a bit. “I doubt anyone could have kept him safe if he’d actually _raped_ the young master. If the madam couldn’t find him, _we_ definitely could have.”

“Is Kelvin why Tanaka looked so sad earlier?” the teacher asked, folding his arms over his chest. It would explain the steward’s expression, but he wanted to make sure.

“Probably. Ciel got a fresh wave of panic attacks after that. I didn’t get to see him a whole lot during the summer because I was working in the garden, but perhaps he’d lost himself like that around Tanaka?” Finny shook his head in confusion, shrugging as they pondered the situation.

Glancing around the room, the man noticed the time and swallowed. Well, he was glad that he didn’t have to teach in the morning since it was close to four o’clock in the morning now. He blinked twice but then directed the gardener’s attention to the large grandfather clock and said with a smile, “Shall we go to bed now? I’m sorry for keeping you up, but I wanted you to hear the full story before you jumped to conclusions.”

“No problemo!” Finny chirped with a grin. “I’m glad you did, though, since I might have jumped to conclusions if you hadn’t.” He walked towards the door, so Sebastian moved out of his way. However, just when they were a foot away, the blonde stopped in front of him and frowned again.

In a voice that was way too cold to be coming from the normally buoyant man, Finny added, “If we find out that you _are_ trying to force Ciel into some sort of situation that he’s not comfortable with, don’t forget what I said earlier about hunting them down.” Turquoise eyes flashed dangerously. “And it won’t be for a reunion.” Suddenly, he stepped back and grinned brightly once more, looking more like himself. “Well, then, I’ll see you later! Sleep tight; don’t let the bed bugs bite!”

Sebastian could only blink and nod, waving goodbye to his co-worker automatically. Honestly, these people were so strange.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ann’s eye opened before she could even realise she was awake. There was a small, muffled sound coming from the end of the hall, and she instantly knew what it was. She’d managed to develop a sixth sense for when Ciel was crying, so it didn’t surprise her that it had woken her up.

With a small sigh, she slipped out of bed and threw on her robe. Opening the door to her room as quietly as possible- it squeaked horrendously for some reason, and Mey hadn’t been able to oil it lately- and padded down the hall to his room. Looking around the empty room, she let out another sigh and closed it, knowing where he was now and knowing that it couldn’t be good.

She found him curled up on Rachel’s side, sobbing into her pillow as his fingers gripped Vincent’s. He was in his pyjamas, but it didn’t look like he’d gotten any sleep yet. Her heart ached in her chest, and she wondered why it seemed like the heavens didn’t want to make this poor boy’s life _any_ easier. No matter what she tried, no matter how hard they worked, it seemed like nothing worked.

_Perhaps it’s my fault. Perhaps I’m not giving him the right type of attention. Should I have tried to act more aloof maybe? Or would he have needed someone that was more like Diedrich with a heart?_ She rubbed the back of her neck and walked towards the bed, making her steps loud enough to be heard so she didn’t startle him.

Slowly, she lowered herself onto Vincent’s side and rubbed his shoulder. He looked up, eyes wide and brimming with tears. She tried to give him a smile, but something that looked like disappointment flashed through his eyes. Ann tried not to let her confusion show on her face as he flopped back down onto the pillow and buried his face in the fabric that no doubt smelled just like Rachel did- soft, clean, and like a field of lavender. 

Still, why did he look so disappointed to see her? Was he expecting someone else? Or maybe he was just upset that he’d woken her? He could get like that sometimes- felt guilty that he hadn’t been quiet enough and had disturbed her sleep.

“What’s the matter, honey? Hm?” she cooed, trying to ease him into talking with her. “Was it what happened today? Do you want to talk about it?”

“No, no, please,” he begged her, pressing his face even further into the pillow. He shook under her hand, and she managed to stop herself from spinning him around. “Please, just leave me alone, Aunt Ann.”

“Was it Mr. Michaelis? Did he do something to you?” she asked, fear squeezing her heart. Seeing the way that his teacher had her nephew’s head in his lap, stroking the boy’s hair like he was some sort of pet, had filled her with unease. She couldn’t shake the feeling that he was trying to target Ciel for one of those weird adult/child relationships that you saw all the time on _Law and Order_. Though it was true she could agree with age gaps and such but _when they are both adults_. Ciel was seventeen, and Mr. Michaelis had _no_ business putting him in a situation like that, especially since the teen obviously wasn’t in his right state of mind.

Only, her inquiry earned her a look that was twisted with disbelief, annoyance… and pain. “No, he _didn’t_. He was _helping me calm down_ , and from the way Bard tells it, _I_ was the one who put my face on his thigh.” He glared at her balefully and sat up. “Has he given you any indication before this afternoon- again, when he was trying to do anything to get me out of the whacked out state of mind I was in- that he could possibly be some sort of predator?”

“No,” she admitted, “but, Ciel, you have to realise that there are more people than just Mr. Kelvin out there that are dying to take advantage of kids like you and will do anything that they can to even get an hour of your time in a day to try.”

“What does that mean, kids like me?” he demanded, sliding out of the bed and wiping sloppily at his face with a hand. “You mean home-schooled or are you saying kids who are fucked up like I am?”

“Watch your language,” she snapped, confused about why he was taking this the wrong way. She wasn’t saying it to offend him, and she definitely wasn’t going to say that he was fucked up. “Listen, you know that’s not what I meant-”

“What _did_ you mean, then?” he interrupted. “Were you just trying to say that I’m a naïve little boy who has no idea how to defend myself against predators?” He crossed his arms over his chest. “The only time that Kelvin advanced on me was that time, and I was just about to kick him in the nuts when Mey came in.” He rolled his eyes and shrugged. “I am glad she came in, still, since I got a witness to his disgusting habits then. But Mr. Michaelis hasn’t been hinting at anything you’ve accused him of.”

“What about what Diedrich said?” she asked, and he glared even harder at her. “Diedrich told me weeks ago that I should keep an eye on you two, and he was right. Are you going to call us both liars?”

“Diedrich doesn’t know what he’s talking about!” He looked worried now, his eyes alight with a fire that she only say during a panic attack. “He’s been making all sorts of strange observations for years, and we’ve laughed at them together. _Now_ you wanna listen to him?” He crossed his arms over his chest. “And since when did you two become all buddy-buddy, hm? A couple months ago, you couldn’t have a conversation without it ending in a blood bath. Now you two can get along long enough to talk about me and my teacher behind my back?”

"We do it because we're worried about you." She went to touch his shoulder, but he backed away from her with a snarl. "Ciel Phantomhive! Why are you being so disrespectful?!" Ann demanded, her heart breaking at his behaviour. This was so unlike him.

He just rolled his eyes and retorted, "Well, I _did_ tell you to just leave me alone, so don't get all irritated with me after you pestered me and then started making wild accusations about one of the few tutors you've hired that I actually like." He took in her expression and blew out a frustrated sigh. "I'm going to my room. Leave me alone this time or else we'll both say more things we'll regret."

She opened her mouth to insist that, no, she didn't regret making her opinion of Mr. Michaelis known, but he was still glaring at her. With a defeated sigh, she just mumbled, "Well, get some sleep, then," and her eyes followed him as he stalked to his room, slamming the door behind him. Wincing, she fell back on the bed so that she had her head on Rachel's pillow. "Oh, sister, I'm sorry," she whispered. "It seems like I just keep messing up with him, no matter how hard I try to do what you would've done."

She fell asleep right there, too tired from the long day to stay up for too much longer, and her dreams were full of confusing shapes and loud explosions. At one point, she swore she could see three shapes on the edge of a cliff, standing, watching, and waiting for her to take a step forward so they could take that final step back. 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Finny woke up around seven in the morning, yawning with abandon as his arms stretched high above his head. As his yawn ended, he made sure to rub the sleep from his eyes, humming softly as the other hand reached around to shut off the music that was pouring from his small radio system. While he had nothing against Katy Perry, he could not deal with that type of music so early in the morning before he could even sort his thoughts.

_Hmmmmm, well, I should probably check on the pumpkins and squash since Madam Red wanted to make homemade pumpkin pie this year. If I hurry up and go into the kitchen, I might be able to convince Bard to let me have one of those apple tarts he wanted to make this morning. I hope Mr. Sebastian is helping him, though. The crust tastes better when it's golden brown, not black._

He slid out of bed and shuffled over to his small closet. While it was true he didn't have a bunch of clothes to choose from, he really didn't have the desire to wear a whole lot. The clothes in his closet were quite a few years old and held lots of memories in the fabric. Also, a lot of his shirts were soft now from being washed so much. He grabbed a light green tee and some loose brown pants, rubbing his cheek against the front of the shirt to make sure that Mey hadn't messed it up again. Sometimes she had the tendency of adding too much or too little of something when she was doing her tasks, and he could never forget the time his favourite cream and red shirt had been ruined when she'd accidently added bleach to the wash and had left awful splotches all over the clothes. Of course, she had been nice enough to actually make him an exact replica of the shirt, so he hadn't taken it too hard. Still, it had taken awhile for it to get that softness back.

He dressed quickly before putting on his favourite work boots and made his way to the bathroom to do all the normal business. Brushing his teeth was an adventure since every day he made a point of finding a new song to hum to as he brushed. Today was the new song by Adam Lambert, and he jigged as he went about it. However, it was over soon enough, and he sighed as he felt the minty-freshness with his tongue. Of course, Bard had always questioned his habit of brushing _before_ the meal, but the younger man hated morning breath. So, if chewing mint gum after meals meant that he could get rid of that icky feeling sooner rather than later, he would chew the gum.

Bard was in the kitchen with Mr. Sebastian when Finny got there. The teacher was slicing apples and working on the crust almost simultaneously while the blonde chef was making the staple bacon and eggs. The young master liked them, and anything that made the young master happy was a priority.

After all, Finny could remember the terrible days when the young teen had laid in bed all day, too emotionally tired to even get up and dress. He would cry every so often- loud terrible wails that could be heard all over the house and made the gardener want to cry with him. Anything that the servants could do to make his suffering less- bring him roses from the garden, cook bacon and eggs, or even serve tea in the set that Ciel had picked when he was a kid as a passing thing- was done just so even the tiniest of smiles could touch those lips. And Finny would do anything now to prevent the young master from feeling so hopeless ever again.

However, he wondered whether that could be up to Mr. Sebastian.

Of course, ever since he was a kid, his parents and society had taught him that relationships between a someone under eighteen and over eighteen was _wrong, wrong, wrong, don't even think about it happening_ , but love was love. Now, it wasn't like he felt comfortable with a child and a forty year old dating, but Ciel was able to consent, unlike a five year old. Plus, the young master was extremely mature for his age at times. Sure, last night Ciel had been a bit juvenile with his approach, but the gardener wasn't as ditzy as people thought he was.

The young master had a crush on his teacher- a feat that was not to be overlooked. After all, there had been several people over the years that could have grabbed the teen's attention just as easily, and Ciel didn't even blink an eye. He wasn't sure when but Finny knew that it had happened. Plus, Ciel wasn't exactly the type to have dirty dreams, and suddenly he was having them almost every night, if Mey wasn't exaggerating. That had nothing to do with puberty and everything to do with the man hunched over the cutting board. Even if he _was_ twenty-six, he seemed like he was a responsible guy.

Still, it didn't matter how much Ciel liked him, Finny of all people knew that if you can't be attracted to someone, even if they like you, you just can't. So, he would watch and wait and see whether or not Mr. Sebastian and Ciel would try something or if there would be another repeat of last night.

He waved at the two men and sung a happy, "Good morning!" He got a small smile from the teacher, and the blonde was happy. After all, he was afraid that the man would be nervous around him now after last night, but it seemed like he was just worrying for no reason. "So, are you still making apple tart?" he asked, cocking his head to the side. Mr. Sebastian nodded, and the gardener pumped his fist in excitement. "I love apple tarts!"

"Yes, and the young master's sugar ban has been lifted, according to Tanaka," the dark haired man replied as he went back to his task. "I figured we could celebrate with apple tarts topped with whipped cream and cinnamon." He pointed to the stove where a saucepan was simmering with something creamy inside. "I also decided to make him hot chocolate from scratch so that he could have just an extra special treat after the ruckus that happened yesterday with breakfast and everything.”

“It looks like you made a lot,” Finny hinted, trying to keep a smile off his face.

Mr. Sebastian saw right through him. “We can all join him this morning for breakfast, if it fits in with everyone’s schedules. Unfortunately, Madam Red had to leave early this morning after one of her patients was violently raped, but we’ll save her some and warm it up later at her convenience.” He checked on the hot chocolate, stirring it gently and then going back to his apples. “Finny, if you could wake the young master up with a cup of the tea I left over there, that would be lovely. If he’s awake, still insist that he drink some of it. It’s the strongest blend in the house, but I added some sugar so the taste wouldn’t offend him.”

Finny went over to the mug of tea that sat on the counter and picked it up in his hands, revelling in the warmth that seeped into his skin through the heavy porcelain. He wasn’t really one for tea or caffeine, but he could appreciate this feeling as it warmed even up to his arms. He grinned at the two chefs and then excused himself to complete the very important task Mr. Sebastian had given him. After all, there was no way that Ciel wouldn’t feel better after hearing that not only did Diedrich cancel the meeting today after coming this morning, but that he could have sugar again. 

_And he can start riding Lenina again, today. I heard him say so last night. The madam must have realised he wasn’t going to change like that in that respect, and then the argument last night must’ve just broken all of her resolve._ He had heard them after going back to his room. Of course, he’d gotten some sleep after the door slam, but he still felt bad.

Madam Red and Ciel were very sweet together, and despite her beliefs, she was a really great surrogate mother to him. After all, the gardener had seen him fall apart so many times and only the madam could bring him back from it. And she never judged him for it, only promising that it was going to happen to anyone who had been through what he had and the least she could she could do was be there for him like Rachel would’ve.

Finny had never met the Phantomhives, but he bet they would be proud of their son.

He rapped on Ciel’s door gently, calling, “Young master?” He got no response, however, so he smiled just a little. It seemed that the teen had actually gotten some sleep at last. He went to open the door, reminding himself the steps to properly wake up Ciel so that he wasn’t too cranky. He’d been on the receiving end of a thrown pillow numerous times, and while it didn’t hurt, it hurt Finnian’s feelings tremendously when Ciel yelled at him soon after.

However, the door refused to open.

He jiggled the handle and realised dumbly that it was locked. His eyes went wide, and he knocked on the door harder. “Young master?” he called again, making sure to be as loud as possible without alerting anyone downstairs. He didn’t have a key- wasn’t part of the staff where it was necessary- but Mey would have one. He set the mug down on one of the tall table that sat against the wall in the hallway and held a bouquet of the lilies from the greenhouse.

_Why isn’t he answering? Even when he locks his door, he makes sure that he’s close enough to it to answer or unlock it when someone comes. And if he were in the bathroom, he wouldn’t have locked this door. So where is he?_ He chewed on his lip, trying to door again to no avail. Suddenly, a disturbing thought came to him. _What if he passed out and can’t wake up? What if he’s sick again?_

_What if he hurt himself?_

He’d only tried to once, a few years ago, but he’d promised everyone he’d never try to again. He promised it was a mistake and that after thinking about it that he’d realised it hadn’t helped like he heard it would. The wounds had healed and they’d put it behind them, but what if he’d relapsed after last night? What if he’d stewed and thought back on it and decided to try it again?

Fear taking over him, he raced downstairs and towards the laundry room, only to find Mey folding last night’s clean clothes. She looked up in alarm at his speedy entrance, but he didn’t have time to explain himself other than a rushed, “I need your master key right now, please!”

She blinked at few times and nodded, taking in his wide eyes and slightly sweaty appearance. He felt bad for shouting, but it was an emergency! He grabbed the key she held out for him in his sweaty palm and nodded, turning on his heel and rushing back upstairs, almost knocking into Tanaka. The older man thankfully moved out of the way, and Finny just shouted an apology as he passed. 

When he got back to the door, it was still locked, but now he could open it. Bracing himself to stay calm but to act quickly if need be, he shoved the key into the lock and twisted it, sighing with relief as the resounding _click_ assured him that he could now go inside. He pulled out the key and opened the door without a second thought. 

It was empty. The bed had been made- sloppily, so by Ciel- and the bathroom door was wide open. Finny rushed inside to check the adjoining room, but it held no traces of the young master as well. Going back into the room, he suddenly realised that the curtains had been pushed open and the window was wide open. The roll-up ladder that Madam Red had gotten for any room above the first floor wasn’t attached to the sill, and his heart stopped in this chest.

“Ciel!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, noes! What happened to Ciel?! *evil laughter*
> 
> I posted this a day early because we don't have school tomorrow, and I wouldn't have a reliable ride to the library. So, you guys get it a day early.^^
> 
> But Finny, my darling gardener, gets his voice heard! I love him so much, and he just naturally seems to be the type of person who would also be concerned about his master's state of mind. And, I figured, out of all of them, he would be the hopeless romantic that is secretly shipping Sebaciel because he thinks- as long as there is no abuse- anything is fine as long as it helps Ciel be happy. So, there's one person on Ciel's side!
> 
> Madam Red's reputation jumps back five points in this, huh? Always got to be worried about her precious nephew, even if- on Sebastian's side- there's nothing to be worried about. I wonder if what happened to Ciel will change this or make it worse... *thoughtfully rubs chin*
> 
> And Diedrich was right! Poor Diedrich.
> 
> All righty, well, I'm off to write the next chapter as well as the final part of Caramel-Flavoured Coffee (for those of you who read this and checked that out).^^ 
> 
> (P.S. Are these chapters getting too short? Do I need to make them longer? I hate adding stuff that just ruins the effect, but I feel like they're not long enough.^^')


	10. All According to Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's an update on Ciel, and Finny's ships are taking a major blow.

He woke up.

The first thing he was conscious of feeling was a stiff pain in his mid-back, stemming from his spine. The grass scratched uncomfortably against his thighs, and he groaned. Sleeping one the ground had to be one of the most uncomfortable things he's ever done. However, he'd severely miscalculated, and exhaustion had finally hit him in the wee hours of the morning. 

He heard a soft sigh nearby and turned to look in two big brown eyes. "Good morning, Lenina," he greeted, and she snorted in his face, making him laugh. Reaching in the bag beside him, he grabbed some of the hay that Finny had left for her the night before. She accepted it gratefully, and he chewed on the apple that he'd snitched from the kitchen, along with a few sandwiches and lots of water to last him until he got to town. His wallet was buried under all the hay in case he got robbed, but it seemed like he had made it until eight in the morning just fine.

He checked his phone for any missed calls and was a bit insulted to see no new notifications. However, the news of his sleepless night had probably spread around the manor, so perhaps they thought that he was sleeping at last and didn't want to risk waking him. Still, at the very least, he had hoped Sebastian maybe had gone looking for him.

_No_ , a nagging voice in his head reminded him cruelly, _he rejected you last night. You scared him off. You'll be lucky if he doesn't begin the day with a resignation letter._ He tried to swat it away, but it added, _As if you could even get someone to like you, anyways. I bet he thinks you're a freak now, trying to flirt with your teacher. I bet the thought of you makes him sick._

The tears welled up again, but he shook his head, standing abruptly. Lenina stared at him blankly, no doubt wondering what the hell his issue was. And he honestly had no idea. He wasn't sure if he was supposed to consider having a crush on Sebastian as the issue or the knowledge Sebastian obviously didn't feel the same. However, when Aunt Ann had implied that he was some sort of easy target... that had been the final straw.

_She'll be glad to be rid of me, no doubt._ He brushed off his pants and sighed loudly. _Well, I don't have my presentation completed yet, so perhaps the big entrance into town will have to begin at an internet cafe. Thank goodness I was smart enough to save all of that online as well so I could access it. If I remember correctly, I just had to add a few comments on the mechanics inside and a few on..._

He let him mind run through the checks as he packed up the few things he'd taken out and finished off the apple. Lenina let him get on her as easily as she had earlier this morning, and he settled himself in the saddle. "Okay, girl, we're just going to go at the pace we were before we stopped. That way I don't spook you and you don't throw me into traffic. Sebastian's not here to help us out, and I don't think I want to land in front of an eighteen-wheeler." She huffed at him, and he shrugged. "Hey, tell me I'm wrong."

Of course, being a horse that wasn't in a Disney movie, she kept quiet, and he laughed under his breath. Gently pressing his heels into her belly, he led her back out of the small woods that they had stopped in for a quick shut eye. It really wasn't the safest thing to do, but neither was sleeping on the back of a horse that you hadn't established any sort of trust with. So, he'd led them deep into the tiny woodland area, sworn he'd sleep for forty minutes at a time, and then had crashed for four hours. 

There was more traffic now than there had been. Of course, it was an interstate with the rush hour traffic, but the roar of the engines made both of them nervous. Lenina refused to go closer than fifteen feet from the road, and Ciel wasn't pushing her. After all, the more he could feel the vibrations, the faster his heart raced. They got a few honks as they went, and he swore that one or two kids had pressed their snotty faces to the glass before zipping by. It didn't bother him, though; he loved seeing horses as a child, too. So, he just waved at anyone who honked and soothed Lenina the best he could.

After a bit, he got bored, and, well, she was the only one there. "So, I bet you're wondering what I'm doing, huh?" he asked under his breath. She didn't make any noise of acknowledgement, but he continued anyways. "Well, I figured it was time for me to go out and show her that I don't need a bodyguard, that I'm perfectly sound to make my own decisions. And, yeah, I know the whole 'grab the horse in the middle of the night and go' thing _so_ does not add to my credibility, but you and I both know none of the servants would have let me sneak off, not to mention Aunt Ann. That means my only option was to steal away in the night."

She didn't seem impressed. He sighed and added, "Plus, I couldn't deal with looking Sebastian in the face after what happened last night. Obviously I screwed up royally to make him practically run from the room the way he did, and he'll probably avoid me every chance he gets." He waved at someone who honked at him and sighed softly under his breath. "Maybe after this, we can work out a way for me to go to public school. Sebastian can go back to his life, and I can get one with mine."

Even as he said it, Ciel's skin crawled at the idea of not waking up to see the teacher in the morning, waiting for him at the other end of the table as they tried something else that Sebastian and Bard had put together in an attempt to teach the chef how to improve his craft. It was difficult to wrap his heart around the idea that he would just let the man go without more than one shot at flirting- which he'd never seen outside of movies, so he was at a disadvantage. The only issue was that he had a feeling that this would be the last he'd see of him anyways. He didn't like giving up one of the few people who understood him and saw past- though, not ignoring either- the bratty rich kid image he gave off with his large mansion secluded from town and the lavish lifestyle that they lived.

Public school, though. He honestly doubted that he couldn't go to one of the private schools that were around to cater towards other kids who didn't mould well into the public system, but most of them were Catholic or too far away for him to ride to every morning. He hated the idea of going to a Catholic school more than going to a public one, and he doubted that his newfound orientation would jive well with the teachers and priests there. So, he was going to the dirty, noisy hallways full of kids who always seemed to take their education for granted, and he would have to go gratefully.

_Anything is better than being subjected to looking up every morning and seeing what I can't have. Besides, maybe I could find someone in the public school to take my mind off of Sebastian, which is much better than yearning for a man eight years older than me._

Except, he didn't mind. After all, in roughly two months, he'll be eighteen, an official adult to the eyes of the world. As long as he didn't go for someone who was like twenty years older than him, what did it matter who he wanted to test the waters with? And who was to say that any relationship he had with Sebastian would last very long? It could be as simple as a teenager's hormones twisting his perceptions of the man, and a few weeks or so could adjust those perceptions back to where they should be. It didn't have to be this long, drawn-out thing that lasted two years just because Sebastian was the first person he had started to like to this extent. No, they both had the ability to end it whenever they wanted.

But first he needed to get Sebastian to agree to the relationship.

_I'm not going to some public school_ , he decided with a nod. No, he was going to stay at home and have Sebastian teach him what he needed to know in order to become an adult- both educationally and romantically.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Has Diedrich called back yet?" Sebastian asked frantically as Finny walked past him. The blonde shook his head, face scrunched up as more tears rushed down his face. He'd been crying for the last twenty minutes after they'd discovered CIel was missing. At first, the other servants had been worried that the teen had been kidnapped- something that had been threatened often apparently, when he was younger- but they'd found the empty stable during the estate-wide search.

Ciel had run away on a horse he had no idea how to ride properly, books be damned, and had no means of protection. Other than the few weapons that Mey had under lock and key and the rifle over the door in the kitchen, they had striped the manor bare of any swords, small firearms, and other things that had been passed down through the generations. A couple years ago, according to Bard, the rifle was even under lock and key because they had been scared of Ciel harming himself again. There wasn't a knife missing- they kept strict inventory after one of Ciel's tutor's had tried to make off with some of the silver- and he seemed to have taken little more than his wallet and Lenina.

"I have Detective Abberline!" Mey called from the parlour, and Sebastian rushed to her. She handed him the phone, and he pressed the receiver to his ear.

"Detective Abberline?" the tutor asked, making his voice as calm as possible.

The man that spoke sounded young, but not young enough to be inexperienced. "Yes, I'm here. Now, the maid mentioned something about Mr. Phantomhive. What's wrong with Ciel?"

"Well, sir, I believe he's run away," Sebastian began, and his heart raced faster in his chest at the idea of what Madam Red was going to do to him. "We went to check on his this morning, and his window was wide open. It seems he packed a bag and then left with his horse."

There was silence and then Abberline asked, "Is there any reason Ciel would leave? Anyone giving him trouble?"

_Oh, just an incident in the kitchen, a panic attack that led him into a sense of paranoia after he woke up, an argument between his aunt and I about whether or not I'm trying to molest him, and if I heard correctly after Finny and I were done talking, I do believe I heard him and Madam Red arguing upstairs._ But, rather than risk his job and say all that, he summarised, "He had a very stressful and tense day yesterday that would completely explain him wanting to run away. However, it doesn't mean that him leaving is any less worrying considering he took a sizable amount of cash with him and no means of protection. He also intends to ride the horse to wherever he's going, and I bet he's on the interstate."

Abberline sighed, and Sebastian couldn't help but agree. "This sounds bad. Have you called Dr. Durless? She'll want to know."

"We have left her a voicemail, but she's at the hospital currently and probably won't see it for another hour or more." He hesitated but added, "Though, part of the tension yesterday stemmed from animosity between the two of them, so I doubt that she'll be able to convince him to come home."

"I'll talk to the officers that are stationed along the highway," Abberline offered. "Perhaps they saw him pass and can give us a location on him. I'll have those near the exit from the interstate keep an eye out as well so that we know when he comes into town. As long as he doesn't try to go in the other direction, we should be fine."

"Mr. Sebastian," Mey asked at his shoulder, looking nervous. He lifted an eyebrow to let her know he was listening, and she continued, "W-Well, what about his presentation?"

_What the hell is she talking about? What presenta-_ Then it dawned on him. The one at Funtom, the one he'd been planning since he started researching horseback riding. He closed his eyes and sighed sharply. Into the phone, he said, "Detective, I recommend you also instruct the front desk at Funtom Company to expect their president to be coming soon."

"He want to go _there_?" came the confused reply. "Out of all the places to run away to?"

"Ciel expressed a desire to launch a new series of toys and he was working on a presentation for the company to pitch them the idea. I'm not sure how far he got on it, but it's possible that he's finished it and plans on stopping there."

"Okay." He heard the detective say something away from the phone, no doubt to spread the word to the officers to keep a look out for him like he said. "Well, the most I can tell you to do right now is perhaps look for him. I know he can't drive or ride in cars, but do any of you at the manor have a vehicle?"

"Yes. Finny and I both have cars we can use. We'll head out soon. Is there anything you need from us? A photo or something?"

"No, I can get that. Besides, looking for a teen on a horse isn't really that hard." There was a short laugh, but it seemed more nervous than genuine. "All right, well, call me if you get any leads, and I will do the same. Is there a number I can reach you or Finny at while you're in transit?"

"Of course." With the gardener's help, he relayed the information, and they ended the call. "All right, Finny. I need you to head south on the interstate and I'll head towards town." At his and Mey's confused expressions, he clarified, "Just because we _think_ that he's going to Funtom doesn't mean he might not try to head to Eric and Alan's or perhaps even to the airport. Now, I doubt he's gotten far, since him and Lenina haven't quite worked beyond a walk, but don't hesitate to go as far as you think you need to. You have my number?" The blonde nodded, and he smiled. "Okay. I'll text you if I find him, and you do the same. Pull off the road, though, to read it. I don't want you getting in an accident."

"Gotcha!" Finny seemed to have perked up a bit. "We're going to find him!"

"We're going to find him," Sebastian agreed. "No matter what resources we have to exhaust."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"You know, I think people are throwing things _at_ us," Ciel said bitterly as they watched yet another cup soar through the air and come within three feet of them. "What do you think?" She snorted, and he laughed. "Yeah, they're assholes." He checked the time on his phone and swore. "Shit, it's already nine o'clock. Do you want some water?" He eased her to a stop and dismounted.

Unfortunately, he didn't have a trough or anything, but he could use the cup and the water he'd brought. She drank greedily, and he had to fill the cup three times before she was satisfied. "Well, thank goodness it's October, huh? Not as hot outside as it would've been a couple of months ago." Her big brown eye latched onto his and blinked, and he nodded, pressing his forehead into her shoulder. "I know. You're tired. I doubt I'm light, and you have to do most of the work."

After a couple minutes of rest, Ciel patted her shoulder and sighed. "Well, let's go. We have another couple of miles until we get to town. Think you can manage a trot? It might get us there faster."

She stared at him, and he got the impression she was insulted by his insinuation. "Fine, fine. Okay, well, we'll get to town, find someone who'll take us in, and I will get you all the hay and other horsey treats you could desire. As well as a huge amount of water. I may be a bit insensitive, but I'm not that much of a jerk." He looked around, but it was then when he realised something.

He had nothing to help him back onto her. At the house, they had the stepping block, and in the woods there had been a stump available, but there was nothing here. He tested his weight on the cup, but it lasted all of a second under the barest of pressure from him. She turned her head to stare at him, and Ciel knew she was thinking the same thing he was.

_What's the plan?_

"Well, shit." He continued to look around for something, but his train of thought was interrupted by someone honking. Rolling his eyes, he wondered why the hell people thought they had to press the damn thing a thousand times, when people usually got the point with one honk. 

Suddenly, he heard more honking, and the sound of a car got closer. He turned to see a small Camry pulling off the interstate and stop about thirty feet behind the two of them. He couldn't see who was behind the wheel because of the glare, but he had a suspicion it wasn't someone friendly. Stepping between Lenina and the car, he put on his backpack to keep his hands free in case he had to fight.

Then, he watched in shock as Sebastian got out of the car. He honestly didn't expect to see those familiar ruby eyes as they locked onto him, and he had to admit that his heart started to speed up for an entirely new reason. His face was etched with obvious relief, and he raced over to the stunned teen almost immediately. 

"Ciel, oh, god. Thank goodness," came Sebastian's breathless voice as he came closer, and those arms wrapped around him. Ciel instinctively returned the hug, hands pressed to Sebastian's back and thrumming with the sporadic beat of the man's heart. He breathed in the heavy scent of pastries and chocolate, no doubt from making breakfast this morning, and buried his face into the man's shoulder. Sebastian's body was warm, and it felt good after the morning's chill. He hadn't realised how cold he was until now.

Sebastian quickly let go of him, face slightly pink with embarrassment. "Sorry. That wasn't very appropriate of me." He still cupped Ciel’s cheek with his palm and gave the teen a little smile. “I’m so glad you’re okay, Ciel. You have no idea how much we’ve been worrying that something happened to you.”

“But you didn’t call…” Ciel murmured, staring up into ruby eyes and realising how close their faces still were. “You didn’t even text me.”

Sebastian’s eyes widened and then squeezed shut. “I’m such an idiot.” He sighed and gave his student a sheepish look. “Could you believe out of all the people we called, none of us thought of that?” He sobered up and locked eyes with Ciel, whispering in a hoarse voice, “I was scared you had died.”

_Oh, god, please say that again, looking_ that _torn up about it_ , came a breathless voice in the back of his head. _It’s almost like last night never happened. Just hold me and never let go, and I promise I’ll never scare you like that again._ Ciel wrapped his arms around the older man’s chest, feeling a lump stick in his throat making the “sorry” that he managed to get out sound thick.

“Oh, Ciel.” A hand came up to run through his slate locks and gently press his face closer. The heart in this broad chest was going a mile a minute, matching the teen’s and making him feel dizzy with it all. The gentle strokes were like heaven, soothing him better than Aunt Ann or his mom’s ever could. He just barely heard when Sebastian spoke again, thoughts clouding over with a fog. “I’m just glad that I found you before someone else did. Lord knows what some freak would have done to you if given half the chance.”

_That’s right._ You _found me._ You _managed to track me down, and I’m so sorry that I made you worry._ He wasn’t in his right mind, senses overloaded with everything going on and the solid warmth that Sebastian’s body was offering to him. He’d never felt so buoyant in his life, and the idea that was in any way inappropriate seemed to have no effect here. The man _had_ to feel the same; there was no way this embrace was something that a student and teacher did.

They almost looked like lovers.

Sebastian must’ve realised this as well because he soon pulled away. However, that nervousness that had filled the older man’s face when he had let Ciel go last time was gone, replaced by that same easy smile.

And then he ruined it all by asking, “Shall we go home, young master?”

Ciel took a few steps back, shaking his head. Why would they go home, where his aunt would breathe down Sebastian’s neck and drive the teacher away? He grabbed Lenina’s reins and turned away from the older man so he could let his expression slip freely. The lump in his throat was choking him, making him want nothing more than to bury his face in a pillow and cry until he was numb and it didn’t hurt anymore.

_You think some measly hugging is going to change how Sebastian feels about you?_ that voice from earlier in the morning sneered. _There’s no way he would want you to go home when he knows that he wouldn’t be able to make a move, and he would definitely make a move if he wanted you._

_But, he held you,_ a more hopeful voice reminded Ciel as he struggled to marshal his expression into that bored mask he was used to. _And you heard how fast his heart was racing. Obviously he didn’t do that without feeling_ something _, right?_

_Disgust, fear, nausea, maybe_ , the crueller of the two voices snapped, making him fist the reins to keep from sobbing. _But_ not _affection._

“I set out to complete a task,” he said quietly, distantly proud of his voice for not sounding as devastated as he felt,” and I’m going to town to do it. If you want to follow me, then you can do that, but you’re not convincing me to go home.”

Sebastian sighed behind him, and he could hear how much patience the man was mustering up. His stomach rolled, and he just wanted to leave, get on Lenina and _go_. “Listen, Ciel, I’m not entirely sure what Madam Red and you were arguing about last night, but you and I both know that she loves you more than anything in the world. All she’s trying to do is protect you, even if she’s become a little annoying with it.”

“You think that I’m running away?” Ciel demanded, spinning around to lock eyes with his teacher. “You think I had a falling out with Aunt Ann and decided to just _split_? You know me better than that!” He took in Sebastian’s blank expression and scowled. “I’m not a freaking _child_ running away from home! I’m making the first step towards getting my life back! I’m making my way to town without needing to be drugged for the first time in almost eight years!”

“Oh, my apologies,” the older man drawled, not bothering to keep the disbelief from his tone. “You see, when I had discovered that you stole away on your horse in the middle of the night with little more than some food and some money, I had mistaken you for some hero in a clichéd story who had run away the moment his life shifted from hard to harder.”

“How _dare_ you?” Ciel snapped, stalking over to his teacher to jab a finger into his chest. “I left almost immediately after the argument, yes, but I had a plan, obviously. Why do you think I brought my files?” Sebastian didn’t have to know the presentation was on the internet drive. “No, she said I was allowed to ride Lenina again, and I decided to go ahead and fulfil her purpose, figure out a plan for how I’m going to continue to do this.”

“So, you’re going to keep going, even though the poor horse is exhausted? How long have you been riding her?” Ruby eyes sharpened as he moved Ciel’s finger from his chest. “You obviously didn’t have a plan in place when you set out, and I can tell by what you’re wearing. You’re just going to march into the board meeting like that- sweaty and wearing your riding clothes?”

“I’ll get clothes in town, and I’ll stop by Diedrich’s for a shower.” He raised an eyebrow at his teacher and smirked before taking a final step towards Sebastian so their eyes were a mere half a foot apart. “And you’re either with me or against me, Mr. Michaelis.”

They stared at each other for the longest time, neither breaking the stare. Ciel’s heart was thrumming in his chest, and he was acutely aware of how easy it would be to just make the final move and kiss him. Then he would know once and for all where Sebastian stood. His eyes betrayed him and moved to those delicious looking lips, practically begging for someone to claim them.

Ciel moved closer and found Sebastian’s eyes again, still slowly moving forward even when he could feel the older man’s breath on his lips and could feel his heart hammering as their chest pressed together. The older man’s eyes widened even as the younger let his lids fall. They were so close; he would finally know.

“Are you with me?” Ciel whispered on a single breath. Oh god, they were so close that the teen felt like his body was buzzing with anticipation. His hands slid onto Sebastian’s hips, seeking the warmth that was ebbing from the taller man’s body.

“Ciel.” His name was like a prayer on Sebastian’s lips, so close to the teen beside him that the soft skin of them brushed against the others. They were going to do this. They were going to kiss, and Ciel wasn’t sure if he wanted to cry or grin ecstatically.

Then, Sebastian made the choice for him when he closed his eyes and sighed, taking a small step back.

Instantly, the teen’s body ached for him. He felt cold almost immediately, and a shiver tore through him. The chill that had been bearable only a couple minutes ago was cutting into his skin and making him tremble as he turned away from his teacher, who didn’t want him and would never want him, and the tears began to fall.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**I found him, and he’s safe. We’re about three miles from town on the left side. I had to turn back around and head towards the manor to get to him. Drive carefully.**

Finny smiled as put his phone back on the passenger seat of his Volkswagen Beetle, relief flooding him as the message truly sunk in that Sebastian had found Ciel. He just took a second to press his face to the top of his steering wheel, breathing slowly and allowing the hysteria to leave his body and the adrenaline to fade away.

_He’s safe. Mr. Sebastian found him and he’s safe and we’re all going to be okay. He’s safe._ He let those two words repeat in his head, fighting back the images of Ciel broken and bruised on a slab that had been plaguing him since he saw that bedroom window open and had thought the worst. _He’s safe. Ciel Phantomhive is alive, and he’s safe._

Getting back on the road proved to be difficult, especially since he had to find a way to turn around after about a mile. He minded his speed but still weaved through the cars around him with a finesse that had come from years of driving. He hadn’t needed to be anywhere in a hurry since his hospital days when he worked two jobs, but it was like riding a bike.

He saw Ciel and Sebastian across the road, and he smiled. It seemed like they were rather glad to have found each other. In fact, if his vision was serving him right, Ciel had his arms wrapped around Sebastian’s body, and Sebastian was running his fingers through the teen’s hair.

_Progress! Maybe Mr. Sebastian_ does _feel something for Ciel! Maybe they’ll get together and fall in love and get married. And the young master won’t even be sad again._ He smiled and decided to go up further than necessary so the two of them could have as much time as they needed to get out their feelings. _This is wonderful!_

However, when he pulled up to where the three of them- he had to count Lenina, of course- Ciel was standing several yards away from his teacher, face pale and devoid of any emotion, but it wasn’t in his usual, nothing-bothers-me manner. Finny’s stomach dropped as he realised it was the same expression Ciel would use when a servant came in and the young master had spent hours crying. Finny got out of his car and rushed over to Ciel, reaching to hold him close and chase away the demons.

But the young master stepped away from him, face shutting down further until there wasn’t even a light in those normal blazing blue eyes. Finny froze, heart breaking and shattering into a million pieces. What had happened?

“Finnian, do you have a spare tire, perhaps?” Ciel asked in a voice that did not sound like him. “I need some way to get back on Lenina, but there isn’t anything around.”

_This is so bad. What happened? They were doing so well not even five minutes ago, and Ciel seemed so happy. Oh, no! Maybe I should have just taken the first route._ He worried his bottom lip between his teeth but nodded. He glanced at Sebastian, noting that the older man looked faintly sick. _Oh gosh, did they have a fight?_

He helped the young master on his house and took a step back to take in the teen’s expression. Lenina shifted, looking uncomfortable, but she didn’t rear and just took a hesitant step forward. Ciel absentmindedly stroked her neck, trying to ease her while no doubt trying to control the negative thoughts that had to be racing through his head.

Sebastian called Detective Abberline, who showed up shortly and helped them across the road to the side going into the city. Abberline drove in front, with Finny then Ciel then Sebastian following behind, escorting the teen to town. None of them spoke more than needed, not even to tell Abberline what was wrong. No, Finny was struggling not cry, and Sebastian seemed too ashamed to do much more than help Abberline set it up.

And Ciel, who had no doubt dreamed of this day since he realised that cars were nearly impossible for him, sat on top of Lenina in numb acceptance, only breaking out of his trance to calm Lenina when some asshole blared their horn at the caravan. He never got thrown, thank god, and they managed to move at a fairly decent pace, but it definitely wasn’t at the sixty, seventy, or eighty mile an hour speed that the drivers were used to.

So honestly, it was no surprise when a helicopter flew over them, proudly displaying that it was one that belonged to a local new station. Someone had probably called in that there was a teen on a horse on his way to town, and they loved things that broke the norm. Finny was half tempted to yell something out his window at them, but if they recognised Ciel, it would reflect poorly on the young master. Besides, he doubted they would be able to hear him anyways.

Madam Red called a few times when they were _en route_ , but he didn’t want Abberline to arrest him for being on his phone while driving. So, he managed to text her that he was driving and would answer later in as few letters as possible. At least, he hoped that she had deciphered **drvn call ltr** to mean that. She’d replied back, but he didn’t want to risk checking it again.

He did, however, keep a watchful eye on the young master, making sure that he wasn’t going too fast for him or so slow that they were going unnecessarily slow. A few times, the blonde pressed his gas a little harder, and Ciel moved accordingly, nodding once to let his gardener know that it was okay. Sebastian didn’t so much as flicker his lights to signal any of them, just kept up his silent patrol of his student’s back to make sure some asshole didn’t try to get a little too close for comfort.

They made it to town without incident about an hour later, entering under the same tunnel that Finny normally sped through at a slower but still determined pace. The blonde watched through his rear view mirror as Ciel inhaled slowly, eyes going wide and taking in his surrounds. He couldn’t remember the last time the young master had been to town, and he was probably reacquainting himself with the atmosphere. Though, just like the gardener thought, the teen’s face suddenly screwed up in repulsion at the heavy scent of exhaust, oil, and grease that seemed to permeate through the town. It wasn’t dirty by any means, and Finny wasn’t complaining. However, for someone who was used to fresh air supplied by an expanse of trees around his manor, it probably wasn’t doing his senses any favours. 

Of course, people stared. Finny had no idea what was going through Ciel’s head and only wished he was telepathic so he could figure out if that neutral expression was normal or forced on to calm some feeling of malaise. After all, these were the people that the young master had spent years trying to impress from home, trapped in his manor by his own mind, and now he was back amongst them, free to any criticism that they could throw at him. And Finny and the other servants couldn’t stop them if they tried, unlike if they dared try to insult the young master at home. No, if any foul word were spit at Ciel at home, that person would be thrown down the steps before they could even finish the insult. If the younger three weren’t around, Tanaka was spry enough to manage it.

They weren’t heading to Funtom- Finny had been there once or twice to help drop off some business stuff for Ciel- and he didn’t recognise this part of town, so the gardener rolled down his window and signalled to Abberline to pull over. After all, he wanted to make sure the detective wasn’t lost or something.

The caravan pulled over in a 7-Eleven, and Finny assisted Ciel in dismounting, taking the reins and cooing to Lenina when she shuddered over being free from her burden. He loved looking after her, especially since she was so sweet-tempered. Her owner had apparently thought of her in his escape because he reached in his bag and pulled out a handful of hay. She accepted it greedily, horsey lips brushing against the teen’s palm and making a crack in his mask as a tiny smile worked its way onto Ciel’s face.

“That’s right, sweetie. Eat as much as you want, okay? You’ve earned it.” She didn’t need to be told twice, easily going through another handful before pulling her head up to stare at Ciel. “Do you want some water? Hm? I’m sure I could find something in there to put it in for you to drink out of.”

“Where are we going?” Finny asked, drawing his attention to Detective Abberline. “I noticed we missed the turn to go to Funtom.”

Aware of a pair of blue eyes now on them, Abberline cleared his throat and explained, “I noticed that Ciel looked a little dishevelled and figured he would want to head somewhere to clean up. I live not far from here, and I bet there’s something in my house that would fit you, Mr. Phantomhive.” He smiled sheepishly. “That is, if it’s okay with you.”

“It doesn’t bother me where I clean up, of course.” The teen offered his own small smile to the detective, and Finny’s worries eased a little. He wouldn’t be smiling if it was that bad.

_Or maybe he’s better at hiding it now._

“Great! If there isn’t something that will fit you, maybe we could swing by the mall.” The brunette grinned. “Don’t worry about anything, okay? I’m just happy that this is actually happening. When your aunt came to me and told me about your plan, it was like an early Christmas.”

“Well, I can understand that.” The teen blinked twice, his face growing otherwise impassive. “You _have_ been here since all of this started, Detective Abberline.”

“So you _are_ the same one!” Finny exclaimed. “I knew that a detective had investigated the incident, but I didn’t want to assume.”

Sebastian spoke up for the first time in over an hour. “The incident as in-?”

“The accident,” Ciel clarified. “When my parents died, Detective Abberline was in charge of my case. He even followed the ambulance to the hospital when they took me in for surgery, and he’d been one of the officers to tell Aunt Ann.” He never looked at his teacher as he spoke, no doubt because of whatever had happened earlier. Finny wanted to stomp his foot at how frustrating this all was, but he knew that wouldn’t even begin to help the situation. He would just talk to Sebastian later about it, maybe figure out what had happened.

“It was my first day on the job,” Abberline admitted. “I had been in the middle of my rookie traffic duty when someone had come up to my car and said there was a horrible accident.” He closed his eyes and sighed. “I’m not sure if I can forget that image.”

Ciel nodded stiffly, and Finny recognised the demons that were playing in his eyes, tormenting the young master with nightmarish scenes and making Finny wish once more that his poor young master could just be happy and not plagued with such an unfairly tragic childhood.

So, in an attempt to help him, he chirped, “So, what do we need to let Lenina drink some water? Like a large tray or something?”

Ciel frowned but then sighed. “I better go in and deal with this.” He started towards the convenience store, and Finny glanced at the other two long enough to confirm that, yes, they had better go in to make sure everything went smoothly.

They all got in the store in time to hear the woman at the cashier ask, “I’m sorry, could you repeat that again? I don’t understand what you’re asking.”

The teen nodded and offered her a smile- a painted on one, the one he used for reporters and people that his aunt brought home, and his other teachers- before saying once more, “I need you to give me a plastic bag full of water. I’ll pay for both accordingly, but my horse is very thirsty after trekking all the way into town, and I don’t have anything for her to drink out of.” He pulled his wallet out of his bag, spilling some of the hay, but he just shrugged and showed her the credit card tucked in the first pocket. “Double bag it, if you need to. I don’t care.”

_This woman probably thinks we’re insane,_ Finny thought before snorting. He had to say one thing about working for the Phantomhives- the pay and lodgings were great and all, but it was moments like these that made him love his job.

Ciel turned to see the three of them and scowled. “And _who_ is keeping an eye on Lenina?”

_Shit._ Finny chuckled nervously before offering, “I’ll go back out, young master.”

“Thank you, Finnian. Don’t be afraid to use your strength to keep creeps away from her.”

The gardener blushed and made his way back out into the brisk October air. Lenina eyed him, no doubt annoyed at being abandoned so easily. Finny patted her shoulder when he got back over to her and pressed his forehead against her neck. She smelled clean, even after a morning’s hard work. He congratulated himself on his great ability to keep the young master’s horse clean and pretty. She was rather lovely when her coat was nice and shiny, and he was happy that Ciel had ridden into town and was featured on the news on top of a beautiful animal rather than one who looked dirty or malnourished.

Remembering Madam Red’s text from earlier, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and checked it, noting that she had texted him at least three times, asking when he was free to update her on what was going on with Ciel. He paled and hit the small button that would let him call her, steeling himself for her to yell at him or maybe even fire all of them for screwing up so bad.

She picked up after two rings, voice frantic as she asked, “ _Is Ciel okay_?”

“He’s fine. He’s actually in the store right now trying to work out a way to get Lenina some water. Mr. Michaelis and Detective Abberline are in there with him, and I’m outside watching the horse. She’s a pretty good companion, even if she can’t talk.” He paused, debating whether or not to mention that Ciel seemed off, but he didn’t want to open the teen up to a fresh barrage of questioning. “He’s unharmed, he wasn’t harassed from what I can tell, and the two of them seem in pretty fair health.”

“Did he say when he snuck out of the house? How come no one noticed?” she demanded, and Finny winced, feeling fear slowly claw its way to his heart. “I hired you all to watch over him, and he sneaks away in the middle of the night!”

_Oh, gosh, Finny, don’t you dare cry now. It’s so unprofessional. She’ll never take you seriously if you start crying._ But he couldn’t help it. Tears started to roll down his cheeks, and he blubbered, “I-I’m so so-sorry, Madam Red. Y-You’re right, and I’m sorry. I don’t kn-know how he got out or when, and I was so scared something had happened to him that I was more focused on making sure he was okay when I found him than asking him stuff.” He could control the sobs that tumbled out of his chest, but he pressed a hand to his mouth to try and quiet them down. He didn’t want to make a scene and embarrass the young master.

He heard a sigh on the other end of the line, and Madam Red cooed gently, “Finny, it’s okay. Don’t cry, all right? I shouldn’t have yelled, but I’ve just been worried ever since I saw all those missed calls and then Ciel was on the news. He must’ve left early enough for me to have passed him on my way to work if he got that far that fast, and I bet I played some part in him running away.” He sniffled, wiping his face on his jacket sleeve as he tried to calm down. “Do you know where you’re going after this? Is it okay if I meet up with you?”

“We’re going to Detective Abberline’s eventually, either before or after going to the mall to get something nice for Ciel to wear to the meeting.”

“Meeting?” she asked, and he nearly slapped his hand to his forehead. He’d forgotten that she didn’t know about that.

“Yes, Ciel was hoping to launch his presentation to the Board of Funtom Company today, since it’s his first time in town. After all, it would kill the effect if he went home and then came back to deliver his ideas to them.” He looked up to see the other three leaving the store, hands full of three bags of water. Ciel was looking rather smug, and he could see the cashier looking at them through the glass window, shaking her head in confusion or disapproval, he wasn’t sure which. “I’ll meet up with you at Abberline’s. I think we’re about to head out.”

“Of course, Finnian. Keep an eye on them.” She hung up, and he tucked his phone in his pocket.

“I presume that was my aunt,” Ciel said when he was close enough before Finny could open his mouth. The blonde blushed and nodded, suddenly unable to meet the young master’s eyes. Perhaps he shouldn’t have told her where they were going. She would probably yell at Ciel and upset him even more. “And judging by your expression, she must know where we’re going.”

“I’m sorry, young master,” the gardener apologised glumly, tears welling up in his eyes.

“For what? I didn’t ask you to lie for me to my aunt, and I would rather keep her calm than let her freak out and tear the town apart looking for me.” Finny looked up, and he was surprised to see Ciel smiling genuinely. “You’ve been crying, haven’t you? Did she yell at you?”

“A little,” he admitted, looking down at Lenina’s shoulder. “But she did apologise, though. She was just worried about you.”

“I’m sure that she is worried about me.” Ciel walked up to Lenina and offered her the bag full of water. He hissed at her when she tried to nibble on the back, and Finny wanted to laugh at the expression she seemed to give her owner. “However, I fear that our family has an annoying habit of acting like assholes when we’re worried about something.” The blonde noted how he glanced at Sebastian when he said this before looking back at his drinking horse. “We cover up the frustrated feelings with anger and keep up a mask to keep ourselves safe.” He smirked up at Finny and shrugged. “Call it a defence mechanism, if you will.”

Abberline cleared his throat, looking rather silly still holding the bags of water. Finny honestly was positive that they would be labelled as a bunch of nuts after all this. Still, able to pull off the bag look as well as one possibly could, Abberline asked, “After we’re done here, did you want to walk to the mall? It would give you some time to get reacquainted with town and also give Lena-”

“Lenina,” Ciel amended.

“It would give _Lenina_ some time to rest from your weight,” Abberline corrected. “You definitely don’t appear to be very heavy, Ciel, but riding for hours must be hard on her.”

“No, we’ll go to your house first, leave Lenina in Maria’s care, and then we’ll head out to the mall,” Ciel argued. “It might be further, but Funtom doesn’t close for the day until seven. At the very least, in the time it takes for us to go to your house, walk to the mall, buy a suit, walk back, and finish my presentation, it will give the Board plenty of time to come together so I can launch my idea. We didn’t call ahead, and I forgot that not all of them work out of the main building. At the very least, we can call them in through video chat.”

“Okay, well, did you want to perhaps take a Benadryl and ride with me in the cruiser so you don’t have to walk the whole way back?” Abberline offered, only earning a harsh glare from the teen.

“I will _walk_ ,” he snapped, and Finny flinched. “The point of buying Lenina was so I _never_ have to be drugged to travel again. I refuse to give it to it. If you can’t move your rook forward without losing it, you move it sideways, forwards then sideways again. If you move it forwards to start off, it doesn’t matter how nice the pawn is when you take it out, you’ll still be captured by the queen.”

_Chess. He’s back to using chess metaphors again? This is like him in middle school all over again._ Finny almost giggled but forced it down before Ciel’s wrath was turned towards him. After all, he’d left Lenina alone, _and_ he’d told Madam Red where they were. And he didn’t want his metaphor to revolve around one too many strikes.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ciel stood in front of Funtom, hair slicked back, hand clutched around a flash drive in the pocket of his new suit, and sweat running down his neck. A small crowd of press stood in front of the doors, completely oblivious to his presence. He could hear the sound of heels on the sidewalk, and he breathed in once through his nose and released it through his mouth. His heart was hammering, making him wish that he’d spent more time mentally preparing for this.

A pair of hands wrapped around his arm, offering him support even as he assured himself that he would be fine. He’d met with the board a few times already, but it had always been through a video call and had been over things like company finances and that one fiasco in Germany with the Bitter Rabbit factory. Now, he was pitching an idea to a group of people who would be irrelevant as soon as he got his bachelor’s degree in business and took over the company. Of course, they would still have jobs, but he would make the final say on everything, and his ideas would hold more weight.

_Just like Dad._

“Are you okay, honey?” Aunt Ann asked at his side. He looked up at her, earning a tiny smile. Everything between hadn’t been remedied in the thirty minutes they’d been in each other’s company, but they had switched gears to cover each other and not let the public see the cracks in the foundation. She was going to be right by his side, proving that they were together on this all the way.

A heavy snort blew into his face on the other side, and he chuckled, looking up at Lenina. He’d dismounted as soon as they were a block away, in case the press scared her. He didn’t fancy falling on pavement. Her reins were tight in his other hand, and he nodded once to her. They were also together on this. Of course, the toy was his idea, but she was his poster horse. He ran once last hand through her mane and pulled his other hand out of his pocket to squeeze his aunt’s hand.

“Let’s do this, hmm?” Reins in one hand, his aunt in the other, he took those first few steps towards his future, supressing his grimace as the first reporter turned and shouted, “Mr. Phantomhive!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ciel's okay! Whoo! Though, let's hope that the move he made on Sebastian ends up helping him in the long run, even if it kind of hurt him today. Whoops.
> 
> Poor Finny, tho. Just trying to help out his ships, and he ends up giving them ample time to argue and drive a wedge between them. *sigh*
> 
> By the way, everything is _not_ a-okay on the Aunt Ann side of things. It happens. 
> 
> I probably won't put down what all happens at the meeting since I have no idea how they actually go, sorry.^^'


	11. The Uphill Battle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A crack forms in the rose-tinted goggles for Ciel when it comes to being in town.

Sebastian tucked his clothes into the drawer, sighing as he tried to image what the next few days would bring. In the next room over, he could hear Madam Red and Ciel arguing, debating whether or not what the teen had done was a smart thing to do. She had been too caught up with making sure that he was okay and ready for his meeting to be angry earlier, but now she was ready to blow. However, he was not going down without a fight.

Because there were still things that needed to be cleared up over the next few days, including several meetings with the company employees that Ciel had never met and was determined to, they had elected to stay in a small hotel that would be out of the eye of the press and relatively safe until their business in town was over. They’d rented three rooms- a connecting pair and a single room to the left of the adjoining ones so that the three of them were in a line. Ciel had taken the one in the middle, and Madam Red had taken the one that was connected to it, glaring at the teacher as if daring him to complain so she could use it as ammo against him in the “Sebastian’s a pedophile” case. He’d kept quiet, not wanting her to get into an argument with him over it again. However, she was still concerned over her nephew’s safety, so Finny had been elected to take the other queen-sized bed in the teen’s room. 

Finny had left half an hour ago to get the second round of clothes and some of the files that they all needed, but Sebastian suspected he also wanted to make sure his precious garden was still in ship-shape condition. He guessed the gardener would travel frequently to check on the estate, and he wondered what Madam Red thought of that. Though, if the current argument that had started barely five minutes after Finny had departed again had anything to say about it, they were more concerned with screaming their heads off than who would be watching Ciel.

"I'm almost an adult, Aunt Ann," he snapped, repeating his argument when she tried to note his age. "I'm nearly old enough to make decisions without even having to _think_ of you, and I have decided that it's in my best interests to get the show on the road."

"Really, and did you possibly think of what your little stunt on the interstate did publicity-wise?" she asked. "Do you think making yourself look like a pretentious ass was in your best interests? You honestly couldn't have waited another _month_ maybe for us to set up a small road beside the other, one that we could advertise for both you and bicycle riders. All of our preparations are now useless because you wanted to run away as soon as you got in hot water now that you can."

"I've already told you that I wasn't running away!" he shouted. “I left during the middle of the night because I _knew_ all of you would fight me over this! I just wanted to do something at _my_ pace! Not yours, not the media’s, not the company’s. This is my life, remember, not yours, and I can make whatever choices I feel I need to make.” 

“So, you think that just because you’re getting older you can just blow the rest of us off?” she asked, voice chillingly calm. “Just because I’ll no longer be your guardian I’m not allowed to help you do things I know would go a lot smoother if we just _waited_?”

“I’ve waited almost eight years,” he reminded her, voice vicious in a way that Sebastian hadn’t heard from the teen before. “I’ve waited patiently as you go off to work, as the servants go to and fro, as my teachers go back to their lives in town, and I was _anxious_. I-I just wanted to…”

As the teen trailed off, Sebastian pressed his ear to the wall, knowing that it was as close as he would get to figuring out what was going on. He thought he heard a long sigh, and there was some other muffled sound coming from the room. The teacher strained to make out what it was and was allowed the sound of a small whine.

_What the hell?_ He looked around his room for some excuse to go next door, but there was none. However, after a glance at the bathroom, he had an idea. Stuffing all the towels under the bed, he kept one hand towel and built his story around that. _I’ll just say that I need another towel so I can take a shower and try to figure it out from there._

Going to the room in the middle, he knocked twice on the wood, pausing before opening the door. Unlike many of the high-tech rooms that could have been available at a more up-scale hotel, the rooms here were locked with a normal key rather than a card, and it seemed Finny hadn’t locked the door behind him. He moved slowly enough that either one of them could shout at him to leave if need be, but no one said a word.

He heard sniffling and another whine came from the centre of the room. Red eyes instantly locked onto Ciel and Madam Red, the teen’s face pressed into her chest as his frame shook. She rocked them back and forth, fingers carding through his hair and attempting to soothe him. She looked up at the teacher, eyes narrowing and shaking her head to tell him to go before Ciel noticed, but it was too late.

His student stiffened, and watery blue eyes met his. He was shocked to see anger burning in their depths, and he instinctively took a step back. “What the hell do _you_ want?” the teen demanded, and Madam Red’s eyes widened.

“Ciel, what is wrong with you?” she asked. He pulled away from her abruptly, letting her arms fall to her sides. “Ciel!”

“I’m going to the vending machine,” he growled, grabbing his wallet from the dresser. “Don’t you _dare_ follow me.” He bumped past Sebastian, and the teacher watched in shock as he barrelled down the hallway. Absently, he rubbed his shoulder, nerve endings telling him that technically the bump had hurt, but he could barely register it. He couldn’t figure out why the teen was suddenly being so hostile.

_It can’t be because of this morning_ , he thought, _since he seemed just fine when we stopped by the convenience store and when we went to the mall. Maybe he was just mad because I saw him crying?_

Madam Red stood awkwardly in the middle of the room, holding one of her arms in a way that belied the fierce expression on her face. He couldn’t help the way his face shifted instinctively into something harsher. “Well, I only came in to ask for a regular towel, since my bathroom doesn’t have one, but I see that I should’ve just asked the front desk instead.”

“Maybe you should have,” she snapped. “Thanks, by the way, for ruining that. I was close to making a breakthrough with him, and you just had to stroll in and upset him.”

“One would think that if you were to supposed to make any sort of breakthrough, you would have already made it.” He raised an eyebrow and folded his arms over his chest. “But, of course, blame me for the loss of whatever you think you were about to uncover about him after eight years so that you feel better about yourself. If you’ll excuse me?”

He turned to go back out into the hallway, but she called, “Wait!” She grabbed his arm, and he turned to look down at her. Her crimson eyes were downcast, unable to show him whatever emotion he knew was in them. “You’re right. I doubt he would’ve told me something after a fight like that anyway.”

“That was quite a fight,” Sebastian agreed. “Perhaps he’s close to a breaking point, rather than a breakthrough. The last few days have been rather stressful, after all.”

She scoffed. “Tell me about it.” She raised an eyebrow at him. “Don’t think that this means I’m easing up on you. I still think that you’re extremely suspicious. Sending Finny off in the opposite direction so that you can look for Ciel by yourself? And now he hates you?”

He rolled his eyes, blocking out what had happened last night and this morning. If only she knew that it was actually her darling nephew making moves on his teacher and not the other way around, but wouldn’t break Ciel’s trust like that. No, even if it meant he had to protect himself, he wouldn’t even entertain the idea of going back on his student like that. He’d made enough of an impact on the teen that he’d allowed the teacher to see this side of himself, and it would be the biggest “fuck you” if Sebastian just turned around and told everyone.

So, he just shook his head and asked Madam Red, “Do you honestly think that I could ever feel like that towards a _student_ of mine?” She didn’t look swayed, so he scowled. “I’m not some sicko that uses his job to prey on kids, okay? I got into this line of work because I realised that I’m happiest seeing the look on people’s face when they finally understand something because _I_ taught it to them. It just so happens that the group that needs home-schooling the most is high school students. I’ve worked with people all the way from kindergarten to college, and I bet you that a pedophile would be aiming more for the younger crowd.”

“And? Who’s to say that you don’t take jobs with older children because no one younger stepped up and you needed money?” She shook her head. “No, I know what I saw, and I know you’re trying to seduce him. I’ve seen this before, and I know just how badly it can damage him when freaks try to sink their claws into him.”

“I’m not trying to do anything other than my job,” he said indignantly. “Least of all seduce Ciel.”

“And your habit of calling him ‘my lord?’” she demanded, but he could see her argument was weakening. “You’re expecting me to believe that you say that begrudgingly?”

“I say it because he gets lippy when I call him ‘Ciel’ or ‘Mr. Phantomhive.’ I figured it was the best way to avoid arguing. However, I’ll gladly switch to making him mad or even uncomfortable if it means that I’ll clear my name in regards to your allegations.” He stepped away from her and went back to his room, shaking his head and trying to keep himself calm.

After all, he’d worked too hard over the last couple of months for her to ruin everything.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Finny was taking a shower, so Ciel just reclined on his bed, going over the next presentation he was going to deliver to the Board. They’d been in the room a couple of days now, and he was getting antsy.

Next door, he could hear the sound of Sebastian’s television reporting the news. It added a background noise to the otherwise monotonous atmosphere, and he wondered what his teacher was doing. Perhaps he was on his bed as well, limbs spread out as his red eyes took in the television set. He’d heard him take a shower not too long ago as well, so perhaps he was still sitting around in his towel since his body was still too hot to cover in something as stifling as clothes…

_Stop that. It’s not like anything good will come of fantasizing, and you’ll just embarrass yourself if Finny comes out of the bathroom to see you with a tent in your pants._ He dragged a hand down his face with a sigh. _Besides, it’s not like you have a chance with him anymore. You took your shot, and he turned you down again. Unless he suddenly wakes up one morning and decides to make the jump, you’re fresh out of luck._

He typed a few things into his laptop, adding notes from the previous quarter that he thought would be worth mentioning in his pitch. After all, he had to remind them that the sales in toys were down now that kids no longer wanted toys. They wanted tablets and phones, and it was Funtom’s job to remind them of their roots. He knew that the marketing for this product had to be superb, or else it would just be another negative number that had sprung up every so often since Vincent’s death.

_I have to fix whatever these idiots have done to his company_ , he reminded himself with a small sigh. _I have to bring light back into the corporation, or else everything he worked for will be useless._

He wondered briefly what his parents would think of his feelings for Sebastian. After all, they had been big on falling in love, and he was starting to acknowledge that all of this was a little more than a crush on his teacher. It dominated his thoughts, dragging him back to Sebastian over and over again as his mind wondered _what if, what if, what if_.

_What if he held me when I had nightmares? What if he decided that the two of us could at least_ try _this out? What if he helped me figure out what’s wrong with me? What if he wishes that he could show that he feels the same, but he keeps pushing me off because he doesn’t want to look like he’s taking advantage of me? I highly doubt Aunt Ann is the first person to accuse him of being a pervert, and he’s just being cautious. Maybe I could try to approach him? Let him know I won’t tell anyone, and then he’ll-_

_He’ll reject you again_ , an awful voice whispered. _What if you’re wrong and you embarrass yourself because you’re too much of a stupid romantic to realise that he would rather just deal with you until you can graduate and he’s free of you? What if Aunt Ann catches you? You’ll be rejected_ and _he’ll get fired. And because of you, he doesn’t even have a home to go back to if he does. Do you really care about him if you’re even_ thinking _if destroying his life like that?_

_And you know that she won’t stop there_ , it continued, sounding happy to ruin his hopes. _No, Aunt Ann will drag his name through the gutter, and he will never get another job again. Even if he isn’t convicted of anything, everyone will remember him as the man who tried to take advantage of his student, and that joy he gets from teaching will be gone. All because of you._

Straightening up and forcing the thoughts out of his head, he refocused on his presentation that he only had tonight and the morning to work on. He glanced over at the printed out figures on the bed beside him and typed in a few more details into the chart he was working on. He didn’t have time to be distracted by whether or not his brain wanted to let him believe he had any chance at romance, and he certainly didn’t have time to argue with it.

He went as far as turning on some music on his laptop to drown out the sound of the television next door, blaring his favourite song by a rather unfortunate artist. However, he knew that Finny would appreciate listening to Avril Lavigne when he came out of the shower any minute. The two of them had discovered their mutual like of the Canadian artist when Finny’s music had been turned up just a little too loud one morning when he was getting ready. Ciel had poked his head into the room to see his gardener of only two months at the time dancing and lip singing to _What the Hell_ like his life depended on it. While the teen preferred some of her more… subdued pieces, he couldn’t deny that sometimes she just hit the nail on the head.

So, with the straightest face he could manage, he worked on his presentation as she sang about trying to get some guy to ditch his girlfriend and be _her_ boyfriend. It was loud enough that he could barely hear the shower, but he hoped it wasn’t so loud that he was disturbing anyone else on this floor. He was pretty sure the receptionist had said there was only two other rooms occupied, but he had no idea where they were and how well they could hear him.

 **In order for us to properly reintroduce this generation with the toys that fascinated the last,** he typed into the text box on the first slide of the marketing section, **we need to amend the issues that the previous generation had with their toys, thus inspiring them to buy the toys for their sons and daughters, nieces and nephews, brothers and sisters.**

This meeting would include some of the executives who hadn’t been able to make it to the last meeting and would delve further into his plans and the general mechanics of the toy, rather than just the idea itself. He hoped that he could convince them, especially since they had had so many issues with the last toy he’d pitched to even one of the lesser names in the company. The man had told him that his idea, while very creative, had no backing or research invested in it to actually make it worth the while to produce.

He switched the song to another on the album, something just as clichéd but less distracting. He was able to punch in the next few points that he wanted to address, deciding to use just small phrases as reminders so that he wasn't tempted to read off of the slides if he got nervous. It was something that Sebastian had noted about a month ago, and it would make the teacher proud to know his little tidbits were being included.

There was a loud _thud_ inside the bathroom, and Ciel's attention was dragged towards that. The water didn't stop, but there also wasn't a call to inform him that everything was okay. He waited a moment before going to the door and knocking loudly. After all, Mey wasn't the only one who could be clumsy, and Finny had had his fair share of devastating falls over the years. It wasn't something Ciel liked to think about happening, but at least they were in town now, not that far from a hospital with really great doctors.

"Finnian, are you okay?" he called, making sure to keep his voice steady. This was something that Diedrich had said he needed to fix- the sudden jumping from a rational scenario to something disasterous that typically led to images of serious injury or death. Aunt Ann taking just a little too long to get home from work sent him into a panic sometimes, making him worry internally until she came home, and only then would he let himself breathe easily. He thought back to Sebastian's first day, when he came in late because of the car accident, and he reminded himself that things don't always end with fire and death and him alone.

The opened slightly, enough where he could see just a sliver of a turquoise eye. Finny was probably still naked, and Ciel knew the gardener was more embarrassed about his body than the teen was. "Hi, sorry, young master," he said quickly. "I'm fine, I just slipped and bumped into the side of the shower. I'm perfectly fine, though, so don't worry."

Heat rushed his face, and Ciel cleared his throat. "Yes, well, please be careful. I can't have you getting injured, okay?"

"Yes, of course, young master," Finny said, and he could hear the smile in his voice. The door closed, and Ciel sighed, wondering why the hell he'd made such a big deal out of nothing. Normal people fell in showers all the time, and he had to just interrupt Finny.

He flopped back onto the mattress, taking the laptop with him. It had switched to a cover of a Kingdom Hearts song while he was at the door, and Ciel was too tired to switch it. After all, it was still loud and blocked out Sebastian's television. He wondered whether or not he was annoying his teacher with the music at all, and a tiny, vicious part of him was hoping he was. He couldn't help it, knowing that he shouldn't hold such a trivial thing against Sebastian but at the point where he was hurt and bitter. After all, he'd put himself out there twice, and the guy hadn't even been nice about rejecting him.

He was slowly working himself into a fury, and it was increased by a knock on the door. He hoped it was the teacher; he wanted to get angry and snap that _no, he_ didn't _have to turn down his music and if Sebastian wants to watch television that bad, find someplace else to do it_. He stalked over to it, unlocked the handle and flung the door open. He hoped that Sebastian had come prepared because Ciel definitely had and wasn't afraid to show it.

Only, it wasn't Sebastian at the door. Ciel stared in shock for a moment before marshalling his features into something a bit apologetic. "Yes, sir?" he asked the man standing at the door. He was a bit taller than the teen but seemed pretty built. His face was covered in a thick beard, covering what appeared to be thin lips. He was dressed in all black, which set off warning bells in some distant part of his mind. His dark eyes were latched onto Ciel's face in something akin to a glare, and the teen instinctively took a step back. He glanced back at his computer. "I apologise if my music is disturbing you; I didn't realise it was that lou- hey!"

He'd been grabbed by his hair, and sharp pain tore through his scalp as the man tugged him out into the hallway. The man wasn't gentle with his assualt, practically lifting Ciel's feet off the ground as he dragged him after him. Ciel's eyes went wide as his heart raced, fear spreading through him. He'd been taken almost past Sebastian's door before he came to his senses. He tried to pull backwards, only resulting in more pain as this made the man yank his hair.

He wasn't entirely sure what was going on, why this guy was doing this. Obviously it wasn't over something as frivolous as his music being too loud. Ciel's mind worked in two different directions- commanding his hands to pry at the man's to free his hair and spinning through every scenario possible to figure out what was going on. Had he seen Ciel on television and wanted to kidnap him for a ransom? Or perhaps he was an employee who'd been fired over the years because of some decision Ciel had made and finally had a face to the name. Evidentially, his aunt's plan to use a small hotel to hide in had backfired to mean that there was little security. 

The man stopped long enough to put the teen in a headlock, and Ciel gasped as his airway was restricted. Every wheeze he managed to get in was full of the scent of the man's body, and the muscles in the arm against his neck made him very aware of who he was dealing with. If he squirmed, the man could just easily readjust and squeeze harder. If he truly wanted to, he could probably snap the teen's neck with little effort, and the thought was very chilling. There was no easy way for him to wiggle his way out of this. 

He still tried to claw at his kidnapper's arm, not bothering to feel sorry as he felt his nails sink into flesh, and he was allowed just one free breath of air as the man readjusted, and he used that to scream, "Sebastian!"

His freedom was short-lived, and he was choked again, the forearm pressing harder than before. "Shut up, you little bitch," the man growled, his voice surprisingly not as gruff as the movies made him suspect, but it sparked a memory in him. He couldn't remember ever seeing this guy before, but it took over his thoughts enough to make him wonder whether that meant he'd never met him. However, he wasn't given any time to reflect on it as the man clamped a hand over his mouth and nose. Blue eyes widened further as he realised that there was a cloth between the skin, and he caught a whiff of chemicals for a moment before he stopped breathing. There was no way he would let himself be drugged and carried off to who knew where. 

A fist slammed into his diaphragm, attempting to force him to stutter and inhale the chloroform. He shook his head, trying to struggle free. The man grunted as they collided with the wall and the elbow to the arm that was pressed against Ciel's throat was slammed into the rock. Ciel pulled away long enough to shout for his teacher again, unsure if Aunt Ann was still there or not.

"Sebastian! Help! Someone!" He felt a heavy blow land right in the middle of his spine, and he hit the ground hard. The pain rippled down his back, and he felt tears spring up into his eyes. Breathing was starting to hurt, his larynx closing as the anxiety/asthma cocktail reared its ugly head. Ciel tried to keep calm, knowing he couldn't have a panic attack now, not if he had to run on short notice. He crawled towards his door, losing mobility as it got harder and harder to breathe past the overwhelming fear. No one was coming. This guy was going to steal him away, and there was little he could do about it.

Rough hands tried to grab his arms, and he screamed. The guy kicked him in the side, using the teen's state to pin him down. The guy got on top of him, straddling his hips and pressing the cloth to his mouth again. Ciel tried to stop gasping, knowing that every breath brought him closer to passing out.

The guy smirked, seeming to know he was close to winning. He just might've, but a door opened somewhere nearby. The guy looked up, hand pulling from Ciel's mouth and falling to the side as the teen sputtered and looked up to see wide red eyes that assessed the situation in a few short moments. He reached for the teacher and choked out, "Help me; he's trying-"

Sebastian acted before another word left his mouth. He launched himself at the man, landing a devastating blow to Ciel's kidnapper's face. The man went down easily, and the teacher got on top of him, hitting him twice before he was satisfied enough to turn to Ciel and bark, "Get in my room!" However, his face went white as he realised just how far gone his student was. Ciel tried to raise himself from the ground, tried to focus on the breathing techniques that Aunt Ann and him had drilled over and over. Sebastian needed him put together so he could focus on the asshole under him. He didn't need Ciel's anxiety to force him to choose between helping his student and pinning down that student's would-be kidnapper.

But it wasn't getting better. In fact, it was getting worse as he realised just how close he'd been to being abducted. Sebastian's eyes raked over the man under him, and the teacher punch the groaning man one more time, making the guy go limp under him. After he decided that the assailant was incapacitated enough, he rushed over to where Ciel was, scooping him into his arms and holding him tight to his chest. The teen pressed his face into Sebastian’s neck, breathing in his scent and telling himself to calm down, that he was safe now and no one was going to take him if this man had anything to say about it.

They went into Sebastian’s room, and Ciel was dimly aware of the door slammed shut behind them before he was dumped onto the bed. Sebastian’s hands skimmed over his face, cupping the teen’s cheeks and tilting his head up so that sapphire met ruby. Ciel’s hands twisted weakly into the comforter, trying to ground himself and _just calm down_ because he was losing it, mind taking over as it reminded him how compromising this situation looked and he had to stop or else Aunt Ann would fire Sebastian and he would lose him and everything was getting dimmer. Why was it getting so hard to breathe? Why was it always so hard to get a grip on himself?

“Hey!” Sebastian shouted, stirring him out of the blackness and making him refocus on his teacher’s eyes without realising until then that he’d stopped. “Hey, let’s just breathe, okay? Just you and me.” Ciel whimpered, and Sebastian shook his head, pressing his forehead against his student’s. “There’s not a single soul in this world but me and you, okay? My lord, look in my eyes, slow you heart, and just breathe. There’s a good boy. Breathe with me. Do you remember the exercise we did? In for two.” He inhaled deeply, and Ciel mimicked him, soothed by the hand running up and down his spine. “Hold for two. Yes, just like that and now out. Got it? Good, good, good.” He gently eased Ciel into a more upright position, straightening his spine and opening his airways more. “Now, we’ll do that for four. Do it with me? Okay, in for four…”

They worked like that for several minutes, interrupted only by a sudden knocking on Sebastian’s door. Ciel shook his head, panic filling him as he clung to Sebastian’s body. The man had woken up. He was going to take Ciel again and hurt him and he would hurt Sebastian to get to him, and then they would go who knew where. He shook his head, begging Sebastian in disorientated murmurs to _stay with him and not leave because they were trying to hurt them_ , but Sebastian just sighed softly and gently pried him away, sliding him further towards the wall and away from the door.

The door opened. Sebastian had forgotten to lock it, but it was Finny. Finny, whose eyes were wide and scared, and Ciel wanted to ask him if he had been hurt, too, but then Finny crumpled, and the man was standing there. Ciel yelled, reaching for him, but Sebastian was faster.

 _What is going on?_ he thought blankly, staring in shock as Sebastian grabbed the cord from the phone to tie the freak’s hands with. _Where is my head? Why is this happening? What did I do? Where did I go?_ He numbly sat on the floor, resting his head against the mattress as he watched Sebastian shake Finnian awake. _It’s like I’m dreaming. I have to be dreaming. I’ve only felt like this before a few years ago, when it was hard to clear my head of all the thoughts racing in it._

Sebastian was talking to him again, but Ciel couldn’t understand what he was saying. Suddenly, he felt tired. His bones were growing soft, and he pressed his face to Sebastian’s sternum, falling asleep almost instantly.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sebastian caught him before he fell, easing his student to ground even as panic rose inside him. The teen had been unresponsive, and that glazed look that had settled in wasn’t very soothing. He looked back at where Finny was pinning the creep into the carpet, the man cursing and struggling but no match against the gardener’s strength. He’d learned that, despite appearances, Finny wasn’t someone who would ever need help lifting anything.

He turned his attention back to Ciel, and he shook the teen by his shoulders, trying to ignore the way his slate head flopped back and forth effortlessly. He seemed almost dead, but Sebastian could feel his heartbeat against his palm. “Hey, hey, Ciel. Come on. Get up.” Blue eyes flickered, and he sighed with relief when they opened again. “There you are. Are you okay?” He eased up on his shoulders, expecting some form of pain to pass over his face from the tight grip.

He was _not_ expecting those eyes to narrow and for the teen to practically shout, “Let go of me!” Sebastian’s hand was slapped away, and his student stood up, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring at his teacher. “I’m calling the police. Finny, keep him there until the officer comes. See whether or not you can get something a bit more durable than a phone cord to keep him restrained, yes?”

_What the hell?_ Sebastian watched in shock as the teen stepped over his would-be kidnapper like he hadn’t just had _an anxiety attack_ or something. The teacher hadn’t had oodles of experience with them, but he was pretty sure that one didn’t just get up and walk away after it like it was nothing. Yet, there he was.

_Something’s not right_ , he told himself, following after his student with a sheepish look in Finny’s direction. The gardener paid him no mind, too focused on not letting the dirt bag escape again to really worry about anything else. Ciel ducked into his and Finny’s room, pausing the music that was still blaring and picking up his cell phone.

“Are you just going to keep going after that?” Sebastian demanded, raising his eyebrows. He closed the door behind him, not wanting to risk what had happened a couple minutes ago. “Are we not going to talk about how you just _passed out_? No, Ciel, stop moving around, would you? Sit down before you hurt yourself.” He placed his hands on his student’s shoulders, and he was reminded of that morning a couple days ago, how Ciel had misunderstood him and thought he was showing affection for all the wrong reasons. 

He released him like the teen’s skin was scalding his palms, and Ciel flinched. Sebastian opened his mouth to apologise, realising too late how rude that had been. But he couldn’t screw up again. He couldn’t lead Ciel on when they both knew how wrong any sort of relationship between the two of them would be. He was the teacher, dammit, and he couldn’t be abusing his position, luring his students along with false hopes that they could convince their teacher to fill in whatever fantasy they wanted him to. Only, to Ciel, it was another rude rejection, another reason to put up a wall between them after months of tearing them down.

“Spare me,” came the harsh sneer. Ciel rolled his eyes and went back to his phone. “The last thing I need is to deal with your fucking drama on top of all this.” He tapped the three numbers that would connect him to the police department and frowned at Sebastian the entire time he waited for his call to go through. Sebastian groaned in frustration, wondering how the hell this guy wanted him to go about this. Was he just supposed to just fall for Ciel because the teen- _teenager_ , otherwise known as a _child_ \- batted his eyelashes and moved to kiss him a couple of days ago? Didn’t he understand just how that could destroy the teacher’s life?

“Yes, this is Ciel Phantomhive at the Royal Victoria Hotel. I was just attacked in my hotel room, and I need one of your officers to come and pick him up before he hurts someone else…. Yes, I plan on staying here when you come to get him, and I’ll be glad to give my full account of the incident. Please also see if you can contact my aunt at the hospital. I don’t believe she went there for anything major. Yes, sir, it’s Angelina Durless. _Dr._ Angelina Durless. Look for the bright red hair.”

After the phone call was over, Sebastian grabbed Ciel's upper arm , turning him back to face his teacher and stop avoiding his eye. "Hey, listen, I know you're still mad at me, but that doesn't mean you need to ignore your needs just because I'm the one who mentioned it. Just... _relax_ , okay? You were just attacked, and you don't have to spring up and race around to prove you're all right. It's perfectly fine to take a breather." The bite didn't leave those sapphire depths, and he sighed. "Well, can you tell me anything? Anything about why he was trying to kidnap you?"

That made a small crack in the facade. "No," Ciel admitted, frowning as he looked down at his feet. "He just grabbed me when I opened the door, thinking it was you. In fact, the only thing he even said was for me to shut up. The rest of it was me."

_God, and I just_ had _to choose that time to go to the bathroom. I had my pants around my ankles while he was being abducted._ Sebastian pressed his forehead against Ciel's, reminding his racing heart that the teen was safe, no one had stolen him. He hadn't known until that moment that it was in fact his worst nightmare to have any chance of someone taking his student out from under his nose. Ciel squirmed, so the man let him go, feeling his cheeks heat up as he realised how intimate that had been. No wonder the teen was so confused with all the mixed signals he was giving. _But he's safe. No one will take him away._

"I'm just glad I got to you in time," he whispered, wiping his hand over his face. "God, if I hadn't heard you shouting..."

"You did, so stop freaking out about it." Ciel went over to his laptop to continue whatever he'd been working on. "No matter what could have happened, it didn't and I'm fine." He sounded too gruff, and Sebastian reached for him, wanting to figure out what was running through that cunning but secretive brain of his. However, he was met with a scowl and a small growl. "I'm fine! I don't need your fucking pity, Sebastian. You saved me, and now I'm going back to my presentation. I have to deliever this tomorrow, and there's still much to be done on it. Go back to whatever you were doing and leave me the hell alone." 

He added something under his breath, low enough that Sebastian only caught "fired" out of it, and the teacher frowned. " _That's_ what you're worried about? Me being fired?"

"Did I say that?" Ciel demanded, looking annoyed to cover up whatever emotion was also in his eyes. "I don't care what happens to you. Okay? Stop trying to figure out what's going on in my head because you'll always guess wrong."

"Will I?" Sebastian asked, unable to keep the sickly-sweet tone from his words. "So if I were to guess that you're acting like this because you're too scared to show anyone that you're terrified, would that be wrong? Or perhaps that you're in serious pain because of the way you're walking? Did you think I wouldn't notice the cloth with chloroform on it?"

"You and I know that chloroform isn't risky unless it's held to that person's face for a few minutes," Ciel argued, like that was even the point Sebastian was trying to get across. "And I'm not scared. The threat has been eliminated, and everything is okay."

The man ran his fingers through his hair, using that to keep his frustration at bay. "And you're telling me that that didn't affect you at all? You're not slightly unsettled over being almost _kidnapped_? Or would you like to pretend that you're the untouchable lord, and everything is peachy keen as long as you make sure no one sees through the cracks?" He gestured to the door. "Do you not remember that panic attack?"

Because Sebastian remembered it. He remembered seeing that man pinning Ciel to the ground, remembered the absolute fear that was reflected in those blue eyes as they looked over at him. He remembered the fear that had shot through him when Ciel hadn't moved, especially after seeing the cloth and knowing what that fucking _amateur_ had tried to do. No, despite all the cases on heart failure after the use of chloroform, people still thought it was a good idea to use it when attempting to kidnap someone like they were in a cliche crime novel.

He debated for a moment, but he figured perhaps it would help Ciel open up. "Listen, maybe you're thinking I'm going to judge you if you were freaking out, but do you know how scared I was?" The only reaction he got was a slight widening of Ciel's eyes, and he sighed, nodding. "Yeah, I know that sounds stupid. After all, I was the one who jumped into action and all, but _dammit_ , I never, ever want to see something like that again. And you were so... so _pale_." The images flooded his eyes, and he sunk down onto the mattress, hoping he wasn't making the student mad with all of this. After all, Sebastian hadn't been the one to go through all that, but he wished he had. He wished Ciel hadn't had to go through that terror, as short-lived as it was.

A finger jabbed his arm, and Sebastian looked up to see Ciel's worried expression. He blew out a shaky laugh, trying to relieve some of the tension, but his student shook his head. However, instead of chewing him out, He wrapped his thin arms around Sebastian's shoulders, and the teacher sighed slowly, allowing Ciel to perch on his lap _just this once_ as he wrapped his arms around the teen's small frame. He rocked them back and forth, sighing again as he felt his student press his face to his neck to disguise the beads of moisture that were flowing from his eyes.

"You're safe," Sebastian breathed, more for himself than for Ciel. "No one will hurt you as long as you call for me, and I won't let anyone hurt you ever again. Just call my name." He felt the teen nod, and a tiny sob wracked Ciel's body, making Sebastian hum, trying to think of what he was going to say to Madam Red when she came back because he was _not_ letting Ciel go just to save his own ass. "Did he hurt you? Are you okay?" he asked quietly, and Ciel pulled back, sniffling.

"My chest hurts, and my back," he murmured, eyes wet with tears, and Sebastian blew a sharp breath of air through his teeth. That freak should be lucky he was taking care of Ciel and not the one holding him down. "He hit me in the spine, and I think he bruised my ribs on the side and in the front."

Sebastian gently turned the teen's head from side to side. "I can see marks here. Not hand marks, but it's red. Did he hold you by the throat?"

"For a bit, and before that he'd grabbed my hair." Ciel rolled his eyes, obviously trying to joke as he said, "You'd think that would only be reserved for people with long hair."

"Well, it seems not.” He gently ran his fingers through the younger’s hair, letting them both just relax and go back to how it had been- friendly touches that weren’t interpreted as anything malicious or overly intimate. “Can we let a doctor look you over? Make sure any damage isn’t serious. Wouldn’t you hate to walk around with something seriously wrong and not get it checked out?”

Ciel surprised him by shaking his head, burrowing his face back into the older man’s neck, inhaling deeply and continuing to say _no, no, no_ with his head as he squeezed his arms around Sebastian’s middle. Of course, this was met with a raised eyebrow, especially after his behaviour for the last few days. However, he wasn’t the type to ruin a good thing, and if it was this incident that rebuilt the bridge between them, he could hold his tongue and not screw it all up for a couple of minutes.

Quietly, and still against Sebastian’s shoulder, Ciel asked, “If Aunt Ann allows it, can I stay in your room tonight? Just to get away from that room in case someone else tries what he did.”

“Yeah, and if they try to kidnap Finny, I pity them and their face if he tries to even _gently_ push them away,” Sebastian joked, earning the feeling of lips curving into a smile against his collarbone. “He packs a whallop, which is probably why your aunt put him with you.”

“Fat load of good that does if he’s taking a shower while I’m being abducted,” Ciel argued, pulling away with a sigh. “I mean, what am I supposed to do, let you or Aunt Ann stand outside forever until he gets out and can open the door for me?”

_Well, perhaps it’s not an_ awful _idea…_ But he ran through options in his head before smiling. “No, but we can develop a system to make sure you know the difference between the household knocking and someone who’s attempting to abduct you. Like, a secret knock or something, one that few people would even think to replicate.”

Ciel scowled at him, unamused. “A _secret knock_? Are we a treehouse club that’s trying to keep girls and parents out? Try again.”

_Brat_ , he groused, but he dutifully poured over something that could be signalled through the door no matter how close the occupant was to the door. “Maybe one knock on the wall then one on the door? And I’ll knock on the wall that closer to my door while Madam Red knocks the wall closer to hers.” Ciel shook his head, obviously not swayed by any form of knocking. Rolling his eyes, Sebastian shrugged. “Then maybe I’ll text you? I don’t know, Ciel. Whatever we decide, it needs to be something where you or Finny are a safe distance from the door when you hear it, so that if it’s someone else trying to kidnap you, you aren’t in reaching distance should they break down the door.”

“Honestly, I doubt that what happened today will be repeated, especially if word gets round what type of security we have here. If we can just figure out the motive behind the attack, we may even discover that it’s something that it on an individual level rather than something that multiple people will step up to carry out.”

“Like, personal rather than hired kidnappers?” Ciel nodded, and Sebastian mimicked him. “Yes, well, that’s assuming he’ll talk. You would think someone who was doing this for personal reasons would rant and rave about it as he was dragging you down the hallway. According to you, he only said one thing.” Ciel slid off his lap, moving over to the window to gaze out, lost in thought.

“And if he was hired, it’s unlikely he’ll roll on his boss, especially if whoever it is has the money to take him out.” The teen frowned, holding his chin in his hand and humming as he pondered the situation. “So you think that we could offer money to make him confess if that were the case?”

“And if he gives us false information?” Sebastian asked, trying to figure out if Ciel really was that naïve or if he was testing his teacher in a sick twist of events.

“Then we make sure his prison sentence is very, very uncomfortable for him.” His eyes widened in false horror, looking like an innocent teenager who was terrified out of his mind. “‘Officer, officer, it was so awful when he straddled me like that! I swear, I might have felt a hard-on.’” At his teacher’s shocked expression, he shook his head, sighing. “Honestly, Sebastian, I’ve watched enough episodes of _SVU_ to know what to say, and who are they going to believe? Besides, who’s to say that wasn’t his intentions? If he wants to deny, he’ll have to say what he really was stealing me for to clear his name, or he goes down as a pedophile.”

Now _you care about someone being a pedophile_. Sebastian ran his fingers through his hair and looked up to see Ciel’s black expression. Suddenly, the man realised he must’ve said that aloud, and Ciel had heard it. 

Which was further supported by the sudden slap to his face. “First of all, I could give two fucks about your stand on the matter between the two of us, but you don’t get to call yourself that, got it?” He crossed his arms over his chest and shook his head fervently. “You obviously don’t care about me beyond a student-teacher basis, so why should you get so bent out of shape about it? No, don’t even think about hinting you might feel something and then rip it away like that because you thought you were going to get cheeky.”

“Oh, and you wanting me to like you?” he asked, standing to look down at his student. “If I decided to return those feelings, what _does_ that make me, huh? A twenty-six year old man going after his seventeen year old student? The media will have a field day with that, and they will drag all of our names through the mud once they find out.” He raised a finger to cut off whatever Ciel was going to say, adding, “And don’t you think they won’t find out, because you’ve just opened yourself up to at least four months of press hounding. Not only have you re-joined society, you’ve launched a high-stakes toy that supposed to shape the industry. And the whole business about you possibly taking over the company as soon as your twenty-second birthday? Oh, they are eating that up as we speak.” He smirked at the wide eyes. “Yes, you thought that you could just pop back up, say hello for a few days and go back home after everyone accepts your toy? Tough luck, because you’ll be in town for at least another month before these vultures will leave you be.”

“And what does that have to do with you and me?” he asked, voice shaking but still at his normal level. “You’re saying that just because we can’t be out and about together for a month we can’t even try?”

“Yes, and no.” _Why is this so difficult?_ He got on his knees, grabbed Ciel’s hands and sighed. “Ciel, I am so sorry to say this, okay, because I know it’s going to hurt you, and that makes me feel like shit.” Even as the teen shook his head, he maintained eye contact, using that to get his point across as he said clearly, “Ciel, I don’t feel the same as you do. I see you as my very precious student who I care about a lot, but I don’t regard you as a romantic partner. So please, don’t waste any more time on me when you have the entire town to explore now and find someone your age who you can date- girl, boy, whatever.” He attempted a self-depreciating smile. “After all, why stay with an old guy like me when you can have anyone, _anyone_ , who can love you and be loved by you without having to look over their shoulders for anyone but your overprotective aunt.”

“You think that this is easy?” Ciel demanded, shaking his head. “You think that I just feel this way for anyone who looks hot and has a nice personality? Newsflash, Sebastian, the only person I’ve ever seen in any sort of romantic light was a friend of mine years ago, and that didn’t last very long at all. I don’t just develop feelings for people.”

The teacher rolled his eyes. “Don’t be so melodramatic. I’m sure there’s been others, even if you knew you couldn’t have a chance- actors, fictional characters, or something of the like.”

“No, there hasn’t.” Sebastian looked up in shock, eyes growing wide, and Ciel glared harder at him. “Diedrich was sure that I was never going to feel like that, said I have lost the ability, and then you come strolling in, with your stupid face and- and your ability to make me laugh even when I want to punch you in the face sometimes.” He ran a quick hand through his hair, more of a distraction than a gesture of frustration. “So, no, I can’t just go find someone my age who I can care about, and I sure as hell am not going to just get over this because you don’t like me back.”

“Then, I’ll go.” God, he didn’t want to. He’d carved out a small feeling of home here. Only, if that’s what it took for Ciel to move on, to find a more natural relationship rather than one with someone over eight years his senior, then he would. Because that’s what Ciel deserved- someone who cared about him and didn’t have to be ashamed if he did decide to love the teen back.

And that was the main issue. Sebastian was pretty damn sure he could never feel anything like _that_ for his students.

Ciel slapped him again, eyes burning as his breath came out in angry huffs. “No, you’re not. You don’t have anywhere to go, and there’s no way you’ll find a job like you do at the manor.” He went to hit the older man again, but his hand was grabbed. “Let go of me! You turn me down and then you say you want to leave? Why shouldn’t I hit you?” he demanded, struggling as his other hand was grabbed. “How dare you try to leave me?” His voice was growing hysterical now, hurting from more than just what Sebastian had said, and the teacher realised exactly what type of scars opened up, especially when Ciel’s eyes filled up with tears and he whispered, “I thought you of all people wouldn’t leave me alone.”

Sighing, Sebastian pulled him close, letting out those long, drawn out shushing noises that he’d found comforted Ciel. The teen trembled in his arms and clenched his fists around Sebastian’s shirt. In a very soft voice, like his student was a small child rather than a teenager a few months shy of eighteen, he assured him, “I won’t leave you like they did. Forget I brought it up, okay? I’m not leaving you alone, never. I promise. I’m sorry, Ciel. I am so sorry.”

He pressed a kiss to that pale temple, trying to tell himself that anyone would do this to comfort someone they cared about, even if it wasn’t in the romantic sense. He would say that if anyone walked in on them or if Ciel misinterpreted this. He couldn’t break the teen’s heart, even if it meant that it would crack a little.

He would rather get his point across now than give Ciel false hope and devastate him.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Lenina seemed to adapt to the sidewalks easy enough. It was the first time that day he’d ridden her, but she didn’t hold that against him. After all, he was sure she’d spent the day being pampered in the man next door’s backyard.

That first day, when they checked into the hotel, the manager had told them that she couldn’t stay with them since they didn’t even have a place for her to sleep. However, conveniently enough, the man who lived next to the hotel- a man who called himself the Undertaker- had happily agreed to let her stay with him. He’d turned down the offer of payment, saying that the situation was payment enough to him. After all, one didn’t see a short, angry teen yelling at a hotel manager while holding the reins of his horse every day, and apparently it had been absolutely hilarious to watch.

He knew that that it was so inappropriate for him to be out right now, especially since he hadn’t told anyone that he would be going out for a ride when he’d slipped out of the room at two in the morning. But, in all honesty, if he had to stay there for one more second, the tension in the room suffocating him to the point of restlessness, he’d go insane.

Because, no, Aunt Ann had not let him stay in Sebastian’s room. In fact, she’d been pretty insistent that he stay with Finny and that the door that connected their rooms be opened so she knew what was going on next door should someone knock on the door.

She’d come back to Sebastian and Ciel both drinking shitty hotel tea in the teen’s room and Finny effortlessly holding the man who’d tried to kidnap Ciel out in the hallway. The gardener had told her that he’d had a panic attack, so she’d freaked over that and the injuries he’d gotten. However, he’d refused to do anything past be checked by the paramedics that she called, reminding her that he hated ambulances most of all. Besides, they had said that the most the creep had done was badly bruise his ribs and spine, and there wasn’t much they could do about that but tell him to see a doctor and get painkillers.

Aunt Ann had been pretty forgiving with Finny, even though she looked a little upset to know her idea of a bodyguard hadn’t panned out since, of course, the bodyguard had his own needs to tend to. Only, at that, she’d had the brilliant idea to call reinforcements. So, when Ciel had left, he’d had to be quiet enough not to wake Finny, his aunt, _and_ Mey Rin, who was a very light sleeper. He’d managed it, went to the Undertaker’s to get Lenina, and here they were on their walk.

Which was shaping up to be a very bad idea.

He was starting to get tired, the night air doing little to keep him alert as he slowly drifted on Lenina’s back. He’d taken to setting a very loud alarm on his phone to go off every so often, to stir him awake if he was starting to doze. The last thing he needed was to fall asleep and ultimately fall off her back, especially since they still had no idea why that man had tried to kidnap him and whether or not there were more where he came from.

So, he kept an eye out and kept himself awake. And he thought. He ran through the events that had happened after he regained consciousness and used his imagination to pretend that it was Sebastian’s arms and not his jacket keeping him warm. He dwelled on the scent of his teacher that was still on his skin, and his temple still tingled from the feeling of those soft lips on his skin.

_And it was so easy to imagine those lips on his own, slanting, sloping over his mouth and breathing promises to never leave him. Sebastian would squeeze his hips, pulling them against his own larger ones, let Ciel feel the outline of his erection through his black slacks. And he would catch Ciel’s gasp as it left the teen’s mouth, chasing it and him into the mattress as he rut his body against the younger’s._

_Stop_ , he reminded himself sternly. _Do you want a repeat of last Friday?_

He wasn’t sure why, but he knew that attempting to pleasure himself was what caused him to have such a bad panic attack. Which sucked, because he had to cure every… inconvenience with cold water rather than the normal method people his age strayed towards. So, every time his thoughts strayed a bit too close to explicit images, he had to close it off immediately or take a shower, which would be suspicious if he bathed too often.

A part of him wondered whether or not it was something he could work on. Perhaps, once he found the root of the… fear? It had to be something he was scared of; nothing else could explain the absolute terror that had coursed through him when he’d touched himself. However, where that fear stemmed from and when wasn’t obvious enough for him to pinpoint. He doubted it was because of Kelvin, especially since the creep hadn’t done more to Ciel than get a little too close and freak him out. He’d never actually touched him _there_ , and he doubted that the experience had buried its way that far into his subconscious. In fact, it was more annoying than traumatic, and that was one of the reasons why Ciel didn’t want Diedrich to find out about it.

The more he could avoid seeing pity in people’s eyes, the better.

Sebastian hadn’t looked at him like that this evening. Concerned, angry, or understanding had shown up plenty, but that awful look in those red eyes had been blissfully absent. He wondered whether or not that was because Sebastian had gotten better at hiding it or because it just hadn’t crossed the teacher’s mind to pity him.

He checked his phone to make sure no one had woken up to find him gone. He was used to wondering about when he couldn’t sleep, but he was usually restricted to the manor and the land around it. Now, he had a whole town at his disposal. Luckily, he hadn’t run into anyone so far, and he preferred to keep it that way. He wasn’t a fighter, and he didn’t have a means to defend himself.

_I wonder what age I need to be to purchase a gun_ , he mused, knowing that he would have to get a permit and go to classes. That wasn’t an issue, thought, now that he could go to town.

Town. He was in town. He could travel to town, shop in town, sleep in town. A smile crept up his lips of its own accord, but he didn’t even bother stopping it. He was free from his prison, free from ever wondering how he would live a normal life without being able to travel, and it made him ecstatic. As he looked down the dark road, he felt a bit like Éponine, walking the streets and seeing the beauty in pavement, the stars in the trees, and knowing that, even if he didn’t have a chance with Sebastian, he could still have moments like these.

Still, from the way that his teacher had phrased things, he wondered if the true obstacle wasn’t Sebastian, but society. It was quite possible that he did care about Ciel in that way- he’d even called the teen his “precious student,” after all- but filed it away as a deep adoration for the teen he was instructing rather than the frowned upon romantic feelings.

“You know, Lenina,” he said conversationally, “we might have more to work with than I thought.” She ignored him, but he continued to speak, feeling better saying all this aloud than internally. “What if he does care about me that way? Should we sit down and talk about how it’s okay? Maybe I’ll do more to convince him that I’ll fight to keep it a secret until I’m of age and people won’t get bent out of shape about it.” He tried to adjust himself to meet her eyes. “How does that sound?”

She replied by stopping to use the bathroom.

Ciel frowned. “You are very lucky that it’s just piss or else I have no idea how I would get back on you.” Shrugging, he waited until she was done before firmly pressing his heels back into her belly, signalling her to move again. “Now, we have the meeting tomorrow, so perhaps we’ll talk after it’s over? After all the fuss with that freak, I didn’t get my presentation done. It needs to be flawless or else those stiff shirts won’t take me seriously.” He sighed, tilting his head up to stare up at the stars. Overhead, if he squinted, he could make out Libra, and the smile returned. “I have a good feeling about this year, Lenina. I really do.”

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Finny could hear him talking even through the wall. As it continued, it got more and more unsettled, occasionally raising in volume and then tempering off into near whispers or even absolute silence. He tried to ignore it out of respect to the young master’s teacher, but he sounded very distressed, and the blonde knew that it would be easier for him to figure whatever it was out rather than stress over it.

Ciel was at his meeting, and Madam Red went out a short while ago to have lunch with a friend of hers. So, he paused the game he was playing on his phone- embarrassingly enough, he’d become rather addicted to Farmville lately even though he wasn’t one for games- and left the hotel room to knock on the door to Sebastian’s room. He patiently waited for the older man to come to the door, telling himself that he had to be careful when he talked to him. After all, he hadn’t shared his want for Mr. Sebastian and the young master to get together yet, so he might accidentally explode when he got halfway through it.

Tired red eyes met his own turquoise ones, and he forced his exuberant smile down several notches. “Hi!” he greeted and internally winced. Too much. “Er, I mean, hello. I couldn’t help but overhear you were distressed over here, and I thought I would offer to be an ear.”

He saw the panic that flashed across Sebastian’s face before the teacher forced his face to become a mask of serene confusion. “I’m sorry, but I don’t really understand what you’re talking about. I was simply going over my lesson plans and am trying to figure out-”

“I heard you two arguing yesterday,” Finny blurted before slapping a hand over his mouth. He’d meant to keep that part quiet! Sure, the hotel walls were thin enough that you had to be deaf- or knocked out like that creep who’d tried to take Ciel was- to not hear the two of them going at each other as they tried to work past whatever they needed to in order to just _stop_ beating around the bush and get together already.

At one point, he’d heard crying, and he’d almost gone to see if there was something he could do to help, but it died off after a bit. He’d hoped that they’d finally decided to cross the bridge and admit their feelings, but apparently not.

He wasn’t blind. Now more than ever it seemed that the two of them were staring at each other with looks that were anything but platonic. However, while he wasn’t blind, it seemed a certain teacher was.

Sebastian stared at him for a moment, assessing him before opening the door further as an invitation to let the gardener in. The blonde nodded and moved quickly, feeling encouraged by the quick acceptance, and his mind started running through the argument in his head.

_You two would be so great for each other, no matter what the age difference is! Ciel hasn’t been this excited to learn in years. Did you know he hasn’t had a single wet dream until he started liking you? Even the innocent ones that you and I get, he hasn’t. And have you seen the way he looks at you?_

However, when Sebastian turned back to him after locking the door, his eyes were narrowed. “What all did you hear from our argument yesterday?” he asked slowly, and Finny’s eyes widened in shock as he realised that the teacher had gotten the wrong idea. That tone hinted at a man who was about to threaten someone, and he quickly shook his head.

“Oh, don’t worry about all that. I have no worries about you and Ciel pursuing a relationship,” he said in one breath. When something dangerous crossed Sebastian’s face, the blonde realised that perhaps he should’ve worded that differently. “Well, that’s to say, if you want to. I know that the young master has been interested in you for a bit, and he’s tried to make moves, but you always back away like you’re worried people won’t be okay with it, and I wanted to let you know that even if no one else likes it, I’m perfectly fine with you two dating.”

“How do you know about him trying to hit on me?” Oh, god, that tone was not pleased. Finny was in some deep shit. He was in some really deep shit.

Waving his hands in an attempt to calm the beast, he tried to cover his ass as best as possible. “Oh, me? I just have a habit of seeing things that I shouldn’t and I might’ve seen you and him almost kiss on the side of the interstate, and I didn’t say anything because I thought maybe Ciel had given up, but I could tell from yesterday that that wasn’t the case. But don’t you worry, because I haven’t told anyone yet. I’m not one for gossip, and I couldn’t be happier that the young master had finally found someone that he cares about in that way. So, please, don’t see me as a threat because I don’t care about anything except for what makes Ciel happy, I promise.”

The older man scowled, shaking his head. “You think _I_ can make him happy? You’re assuming that I actually like him like that.”

_What?_ “Well, of course, you do.” The blonde snorted. “I’m sorry, but you are not fooling me. I have watched enough cheesy romance movies to interpret those looks when you and he shoot at each other. Really, if I hadn’t had physical evidence before now, I probably would’ve chalked it up to wishful thinking, but sheets do not lie, my friend.”

“Sheets?” Sebastian asked, looking confused. “What are you talking about?”

_Oh, so he didn’t know? Oops._ Finny couldn’t help the blush that rose to his cheeks as he stuttered, “Well, on Friday, I wanted to help Mey Rin with the sheets since she’d gone to the store, and I found, uh, stuff in the young master’s. You know, normal teenage boy stuff, but it’s something that’s never happened before.” He rubbed the back of his neck, wondering if Ciel would get mad if he said this, but it had to be said. “He hasn’t really shown much of a sex drive. Like, no evidence of wet dreams, no visits to porn websites. Nothing. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever heard him call someone attractive before.” 

_Does he know about…? Maybe not. I should say anyways._ Finny took a deep breath and said sadly, “Dr. Diedrich was sure that he’d lost the ability to feel that way for people. Said that perhaps losing his parents at such a young age had damaged his ability to want a relationship for himself.” But that wasn’t an issue. Finny beamed as he held onto that reminder. “Then, you show up, and he starts to actually warm up to people. You _do_ realise you’re the only teacher he’s ever invited to live here, right? Doesn’t that strike you as odd?”

“But that’s Ciel,” Sebastian argued. “That’s not me. I’m sorry, but just because he likes me doesn’t mean I have to reciprocate the feelings.”

_What is he talking about?_ Finny wondered, panicking as he realised that his pep talk wasn’t working. He turned away from the teacher so he wouldn’t see the dread that was threatening to choke him. _Oh, no. If he doesn’t get over this whole “I can’t be in love with him” thing, we’ll never make the progress that needs to happen. And does he honestly think he just cares about Ciel on a student-teacher level still? Honestly, after the last week- never mind everything that’s happened for months on a sublevel of affection that none of the rest of us would show him- he still thinks that everything he’s done for the young master is just what any old teacher would do for his pupil? How stupid is he?_

He spun back around to stare down the idiot in front of him and put on his best angry face. “You know,” he began, annoyed, “I have waited too long for this moment for you to ruin it because you don’t understand how feelings work.” Sebastian’s mouth dropped open, but Finny sure as hell wasn’t done. He stalked up to the very tall man and pointed a finger at him. “Ciel is a great guy, and I know that you feel quite a bit more for him beyond just ‘oh, he’s my student that I care about a lot,’ okay? So, sure, he’s a little over eight years your junior. So what? Last time I checked, Ciel’s practically an adult in age, and he’s definitely an adult in his mind.

“You have to stop blaming age, blaming your feelings, and blaming your reputation on the fact that you’re just scared. You’re scared that something will happen and you’ll lose everything. And? People have died for love, Mr. Sebastian. People have been tortured, and they still come out on top. Do you honestly think that just because you lose your teaching job Ciel wouldn’t support you in whatever endeavour you pursue next? And honestly, that would even be up to you. I’m sorry, but if you’re dating the future president of the country’s most popular toy and candy company, I doubt money will be something you’ll worry about any time soon.

“Pardon my outburst,” he said with a final glare, “but like I said. I have been waiting too long for someone to finally come and guarantee Ciel’s happiness, and you are standing in between that. I have seen him hit the bottom too many times, and he finally has a chance to know that someone loves him for him. Not because they’re related or work for him- though, I love him like a brother, even if I am his gardener.” He stomped his foot, overwhelmed with his frustration. “I want you to finally get over your damn squeamishness and love him the way he needs.” He crossed his arms over his chest and let out a little huff, staring at Sebastian expectantly as he waited for the teacher to _say something_. “ _Well_?” he demanded.

Sebastian sighed, falling back onto his bed and wiped a hand over his face. He mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like “Manor of spitfires” into his palm before looking back up at the gardener. “Honestly, I don’t know anymore. I just don’t know.”

Finny sat beside him and put a hand on his shoulder. “Like I said, I have two ears to listen and a mouth to offer feedback.” He crossed his legs and grinned. “So, shoot.”

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

She fidgeted at her table, looking at her reflection in the napkin dispenser as covertly as possible for the fourth time in the past ten minutes. She had thought that arriving early would be better, especially since she had a reputation for arriving late to things. She wanted to show that she’d matured.

But, damn, this was nerve-wracking. The waitress offered her a sympathetic smile and refilled her water, and she attempted her best shrug. She’d told the younger woman that her friend would be in around one, and it was still twelve-fifty.

Ann wondered how Ciel was doing. After all, these meetings stressed him out beyond compare, and she knew that he wanted his coming out to be as easy as possible. She knew that it would be the first of many, and this pitch had to go smoothly if his future ones were to be taken seriously. He had put on his brave face this morning, but she prided herself on being able to look through his masks with ease.

Part of her felt guilty for causing him more stress over the last few days, but he was her nephew, her pride and joy. He was practically her own child, and she didn’t want anything bad to happen to him. That was why Rachel had left him to her. That’s what his parents would want for him- love and safety above all things. And she knew that being suspicious of Mr. Michaelis might seem overprotective to most people, but they’d been through this before. They’d realised that not everyone you opened up your trust to was worthy of it.

And she’d seen how Mr. Michaelis had looked at Ciel Friday, like her nephew was the stars in his teacher’s sky, and her skin had crawled. Maybe all of this would pass, but who was to say that he wouldn’t try to take advantage of Ciel while the boy wasn’t aware of his intentions. After all, during one of his panic attacks or his nightmares was the perfect time to let his hands stray when he was “comforting” him.

She sipped on her water before checking her watch again. Hopefully he would show up soon. The suspense was killing her, and she wasn’t someone who liked waiting. Grell always teased her about it, but Ann couldn’t help it. She was a Type A, dammit, and she was proud of that fact. You didn’t become the top gynaecologist in the county by not taking the initiative, and she didn’t enjoy sitting around idle.

Just as she was about to debate grabbing her phone out of her purse and reading the book she’d bought the night before, she heard his voice at the front of the restaurant. She glanced back at her reflection and fixed the smudges to her lipstick. Call it a girlish effort, but she liked to look good. Even if it wasn’t to him, she considered it to be a date in her own heart.

His eyes met hers as the waitress brought him to the table, and she offered her best smile. He returned it in the only way he could, and her heart jumped into her throat. Pinching herself in the arm under the table for such a silly reaction, she cleared her throat before greeting, “And how are you?”

He took his seat across from her, taking a moment to get settled before answering. “Well, I was doing quite well until I got your phone call this morning.” He turned to the waitress and said politely, “I’ll take a black coffee, please. No sugar.” After she hurried off, he frowned a bit at Ann. “I’m going to overlook you not telling me Ciel was in town thing to focus on this guy who tried to take him.”

Ann swallowed, nodding. “Yes, I should’ve told you that he’d made it here. However, it’s been very busy for us the last couple of days, as you can imagine.” He nodded once, and she sighed. “Well, the most we know about him is that he’s an EMT who works for the hospital. He’s kind of shifty, and I never got a good vibe from him.”

“I doubt you’re the only one,” he offered. “Though, that says a lot for the hospital for hiring suspicious men.”

_Thin ice_ , she thought bitterly. “Well, you have to realise that we’re not an enormous hospital. We don’t have a lot of people applying to be EMTs.” She rolled her eyes. “That aside, he apparently came by the hotel room after following Ciel home from Sheetz yesterday when he went out for, ahem, ‘real junk food,’ and he tried to kidnap him while Finny was in the shower. If Mr. Michaelis hadn’t heard Ciel yelling, I have no idea what would’ve happened.”

Just like she had for the past sixteen hours, she blocked out the images of Ciel being hurt or sexually abused by that freak in the back of some van and breathed. The man had been arrested. Ciel was safe. No one was going to hurt him again as long as she had something to say about it.

A hand squeezed hers, and she looked up. Out of all the people to willingly touch her, he was the last person she expected. However, he just gave her a surprisingly warm smile and murmured, “It’s okay. They caught him.”

She smiled back and turned her hand so that she could squeeze his back. Her hands had felt so cold from her water, and his were warm despite the chilly October air. And even though they both let go real fast as the waitress came back with Diedrich’s coffee, that warmth stayed with her afterwards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (This is my longest chapter so far!)
> 
> Oh, no! Poor, baby! I'm such an awful person for doing that to him, aren't I? (Don't forget this chapter. Heads up.) But have we made even more progress in this ship? Perhaps we have... I wonder when we could progress further. Hmmmmm.
> 
> AND FINNY! I love him, if you couldn't get that from the obvious bias in his direction, but I think out of all of them (judging from the Green Witch Arc) he's the most likely of the servants to be like, "Hey, you two losers should kiss. Hey, stop fighting!" Maybe that's just me tho.
> 
> I swear if you have no figured out what direction I am with that last section, you must not pick up on subtle hints very often. (Tho, it's so not subtle. Oh my.)
> 
> Chapter !2 is already in progress, and I do believe it should be out the first of next month. For everyone who celebrates it, have a safe and happy Thanksgiving week and be responsible if you are a Black Friday shopper. :)
> 
> (Also, shameless Tumblr promotion. I go by finny-is-a-babe on there if you guys wanna check that out. It's most Kuroshitsuji posts.^^)


	12. Lights, Camera, Action

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not everyone is so understanding.

Finny fiddled with the straw to his water, running through his argument in his head as he stared at his young master across the table. The teen was currently destroying a slice of apple cake with his fork, frowning as the icing smeared off of the top of the treat. The gardener supposed he should probably question the seventeen year old’s choice of breakfast, but at least Ciel was eating. He’d seemed pretty nervous all morning, and he had a penchant for avoiding food when he was stressed.

After all, today was the first interview that he had in town, and this would determine how many other people came to him to pry answers out of him. It wasn’t until two that afternoon, which made the anxiety even worse because it had time to climb during the day while Ciel waited.

He felt bad about approaching the teen on today of all days, but he figured talking to Ciel around the same time he’d drilled Sebastian would be more beneficial to actually making some headway with these losers… er, _lovers_. The ordeal with Sebastian had been two days ago, and the blonde was pretty sure they’d had a huge breakthrough. 

Of course, the teacher had still insisted that the feelings weren’t necessarily romantic, but he’d admitted that the feelings he had for Ciel extended past what he’d ever felt towards one of his other students.

_“But what does that mean?”_ the older man had asked, ruby eyes full of fear. _“I mean, we have a connection, but I’m not sure if that means I’ll feel anything beyond that. Though, looking back to how I felt about him two months ago, I would never have guessed I’d see him as anything more than a little shit who enjoyed making my life miserable.”_

_“I think that you’re the only one who can tell how you’ll feel about him, but you have to be rational about how you analyse your feelings or else you’ll screw up any chance you have of honestly figuring out how you want your relationship to be.”_ Finny had bumped into his shoulder. _“That goes in both directions. Don’t be scared to admit them if they’re romantic, but don’t force them to be romantic if they aren’t.”_

He wasn’t sure if Ciel would be mad about that, especially since he knew that the teen was really hoping for his feelings to be reciprocated. However, as Finny’s mom had told him when he was younger, love’s better when it’s genuine.

“So, Finnian,” Ciel drawled, stabbing a piece of cake onto his fork and looking up into turquoise eyes, “are we going to talk about why you asked me out to breakfast? If this is a date, I’m sorry, but I’m not interested.”

_Oh, gosh, did he really think that?_ The gardener felt his face heat up, and he quickly assured the teen, “No, no, I think of you like a little brother! I’m definitely not interested in you like _that_!” He gasped, heat in his cheeks growing hotter and working down his neck and he tried to make his case. “Is that what you thought? Because I was pretty sure you knew-”

“Finny! Finny, whoa!” Ciel waved his hands in an obvious _calm down_ motion, and Finny defused, sinking down into his seat. The teen was chuckling and shook his head with a small smile. “I was messing with you. You’re family to me as well, and I know exactly how you see me.” He laced his fingers together and used them to prop his head up on the table. “So, why are we eating at a small town diner when we could’ve gotten free breakfast at the hotel?”

“Because your aunt and Sebastian aren’t here at the diner,” Finny said suddenly unable to pick his gaze up from the plate in front of him. “And I thought we should talk about something.”

“Is there something wrong?” Ciel asked softly, reaching to touch the blonde’s arm. “Is there someone giving you trouble?” Finny shook his head, still unable to look at his boss. “Then, are you worried about something? I know that the attempted kidnapping was scary, but we got that taken care of.”

“No, it’s not that,” Finny supplied shyly, rubbing the back of his neck as he hunted for the right words. Sebastian was someone that he hadn’t known for very long, and while they were friends, he wasn’t as important to the gardener as Ciel. So, if he didn’t want to risk ruining the closeness that he and the blue-eyed master had, he had to tread carefully.

“Well,” he begun, “you see, it’s something that I know you don’t like a lot of people knowing, but it’s getting worse. So I figured you’d want someone to talk to about it. You know, a trusted person who wouldn’t judge you for anything.”

He could tell that Ciel had flinched, but the teen immediately regained his composure, saying, “Well, that could be a million things. Could you be a bit more specific?”

He looked up to meet those challenging eyes, knowing that Ciel’s walls were already up. _Crap_. “I saw you and him together that night when you couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t either, and I saw Sebastian go upstairs on the way back to my room. So, I followed him in case he was stressing out.” Oh, no, he could see the teen’s expression shutting down, slipping behind an indifferent mask. Finny’s heart broke, and he wondered whether or not this was a good idea after all. Sure, Sebastian hadn’t taken it well at first, but he’d opened up eventually.

“It’s okay with me,” he whispered, reaching for Ciel’s hand. “I promise that you don’t have to worry about me telling Madam Red or Diedrich. Everything will stay right here, at this table.”

Only, Ciel stood up, his plate clattering at the abrupt motion. He even took a step back so that he was out of range for Finny to try to touch him. “So, what, you’ve been spying on us? And you think that will help me trust you?” The older man opened his mouth to object but sighed instead as he realised Ciel was far too gone. The anger that coloured Ciel’s cheeks crimson assured him of that.

Still, he wasn’t expecting the teen’s voice to be quite so harsh when he leaned over and hissed, “There’s nothing to tell when it comes to Sebastian and me.” His face twisted into something sarcastic, an expression that scared the blonde more that his tone. “But you knew that already, didn’t you?”

“You don’t understand!” Finny objected. “It’s not like I did it on purpose. I wasn’t spying on you, honestly! I just happened to be there whenever something happened.”

“Sure, says the guy who admitted to following Sebastian around at night. What, is that why you offered to do the sheets that day, to test your theory about whether or not I was becoming more… active during my sleep? Huh?” He slammed his hands on the table, earning the attention of the waiting staff. “Well?!”

“Young master,” Finny whispered, throat feeling tight as tears stung in his eyes. “I’m not trying to do anything wrong here. I’m not trying to break your trust; I swear.”

Only, Ciel just sneered, something he hadn’t done to Finny since he’d started working there. “Well, you did. If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to prepare for my interview.” He pulled out some money for the bill and tip and tossed it on the table. “How about you go home and do your job, instead of taking it upon yourself to accept a new job as my matchmaker?”

He watched in despair as the teen stormed out of the diner. Finny struggled to blink away his tears, knowing he couldn’t start crying in a public place like this and make Madam Red and Ciel look bad. No, he was a servant of the Phantomhive Manor, and he had to present himself accordingly, even if it felt like his heart was breaking into a thousand, million pieces.

So, he just stared down at his smiley face pancakes and tried to make his sniffling as quiet as possible so that the waitress who came by every so often to refill his water didn’t feel inclined to ask him if he wanted to talk about it. He wasn’t sure if talking about it was such a good idea anymore.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ciel wasn’t the same on the way over to the news station; that much was obvious. Sebastian watched him on top of Lenina, back straight as a rod and face impassive. It was a stark contrast to the smiles and playful jabs that he’d thrown around this morning. The teacher wondered if it was nerves or whether or not he’d seen the news this morning.

On the local business channel, they’d put together a piece on Ciel’s childhood with his parents and Vincent Phantomhives supposed “dastardly business methods.” All the adults had been around the television in the breakfast room at the hotel, Diedrich grinding his teeth and Madam Red ripping napkins into tiny pieces and glaring at the man on the screen. Mey Rin had needed to leave after the first ten minutes, saying that it hurt her too much to listen to someone smear the man and woman who had taken her away from her dangerous life and had given her a place to stay.

So, if Ciel had caught any part of the program and had seen them use photos of Rachel that made her look like a controlling, vindictive mother who had “possibly” abused her son, Sebastian doubted he would be all smiles and playfulness after that.

However, the teen was avoiding all of them, even going so far as to lock himself in his room and deny Finny access when the gardener came back from breakfast. He’d emerged just in time for the interview, glaring at anyone who dared to talk to him. Finny had went home, saying he needed to look after his gourds and not really explaining why he looked like he’d been crying all morning.

Sebastian was careful to keep his distance from Abberline’s cruiser, knowing that the gentle detective wouldn’t be quite so forgiving if he were to damage the city property placed under his care. Ciel was behind Sebastian and in front of Diedrich, who was taking Madam Red and Mey Rin to the interview. They figured that having a support system would be good, and Diedrich wanted to be there in case the interviewer didn’t understand that she couldn’t press too hard in some areas.

It wasn’t mentioned in the request for the interview, but they all knew that questions about eight years ago would come up. Ciel had assured his aunt the day before that he was prepared, but Sebastian knew from how difficult the teen’s appointments with Diedrich went that the night of Vincent and Rachel’s deaths was still a hard thing for him to discuss without getting worked up. Thankfully, it wasn’t a live interview, so anything that happened could be edited or deleted completely.

They got to the new stations, but Sebastian knew immediately that the bad morning was going to become an even worse afternoon when he saw a small group of people outside of the station, cameras and microphones everywhere. Ciel wasn’t nearly put together enough to manage an impromptu barrage of questions, and he would no doubt say something in irritation that would look bad.

Abberline must’ve gotten the same idea because he held out an “okay” sign, the message the convoy had established in case the detective had to take care of something.

_It’s okay_ , it meant in this situation. _I’ll get them, and you guys go on as normal._

Sebastian held out a thumbs-down, and Abberline held up another “okay.”

_Around back?_

_Got it._

Sebastian pulled took the next turn that would led him, Ciel, and the others to the back of the building with Abberline going forwards towards the press. The teacher rolled his eyes, wondering who the hell had tipped off the other channels that Ciel would be there and why they had to try to do something that was obviously so mediocre compared to the interview that they were going to.

They were greeted by a nervous looking assistant, so Sebastian guessed that Madam Red had texted her contact at the station about the change of entrance. The man was looking around, as if the press circus would follow them to this side of the building as well. Sebastian parked his car and watched as Ciel brought Lenina up to the parking space beside his. She didn’t look happy to be placed outside alone and in the cold shade of the building. 

As soon as the small party was together, the assistant seemed to deflate with relief. “Hello,” he greeted, voice deeper than Sebastian guessed with his anxious demeanour. “My name is Arthur, and I’ll be helping you guys today.” He turned to Ciel and smiled a little. “Would you like me to send someone out here to watch your horse?”

“Yes, if you could,” the teen said cordially, but Sebastian could tell that it was engrained politeness rather than him being in a better mood. “If you could actually find a way to get her in from the cold that would be marvellous. She’s not troublesome at all, and all she’ll need is food or maybe someone to clean up after her.” Sebastian didn’t miss the slightly smug tone as Ciel added, “I’m sure there’s someone here you would have no problem asking to do _that_.”

Arthur laughed and nodded. “Of course, sir.”

“Don’t call me ‘sir.’” Ciel rolled his eyes. “If I can call you Arthur, just call me Ciel.” He pointed to his aunt. “You can call her Madam Red-”

“Ann, if you will,” the redhead assured Arthur.

“And I’m Mey.” The maid smiled and gave a tiny wave, which Arthur shyly returned.

“I’m Diedrich, Ciel’s psychologist.” He raised an eyebrow at the assistant. “Is it possible for me to review the questions before the show so I can help avoid any triggers?”

Brown eyes widened, and a bit of the colour drained from his face. “Um, well, Angela tends to just ask whatever comes to mind. She doesn’t have a set list of them. I’m sorry.”

The doctor’s mouth twitched from side to side, making his moustache look funny. “That’s fine then. However, see if I can communicate with her through like an earpiece or something. I don’t want her distressing him.”

“You _do_ remember that he’s right here, right?” Ciel snapped, anger from the morning rearing its head. “Can we get inside already before we’re late or I get frostbite?”

“Ah! Yes, of course, Ciel,” Arthur said, hurrying over to the door and holding his pass up to the scanner so the door could open. They all shuffled inside, stopping only for Arthur to grab one of his co-workers- a brunette with gold eyes that seemed really familiar- and ask, “Claude, could you see that Mr. Phantomhive’s horse finds a comfortable place inside and is looked after?”

_Shit. Shit, this is not good at all._ Sebastian stepped partially behind Diedrich before his ex-boyfriend had the chance to see he was there. He’d changed all his locks and his numbers, and he’d blocked him on every social media site the teacher was on. He didn’t need the freak to realise where he was after all this time. 

Thankfully, those glowering gold eyes only darted from Arthur then to Ciel- _too fucking long at Ciel_ \- before he was off. Sebastian had known that Claude no longer worked at the newspaper, but the thought had never occurred to him to figure out where he was employed currently. The tutor struggled to regain his composure before Madam Red or someone else glanced at him.

But Angelina was staring at Claude’s receding figure, eyes narrowed in the same way they did recently when she was suspicious of Sebastian. She must’ve noticed the way Claude had stared at Ciel, too. After all, the freak hadn’t exactly been discreet.

Sure, he had dated Claude, but the rough sex hadn’t been the only thing _off_ about him. For instance, he had worked _only_ the missing kids column in the paper, had liked to people watch at the park, eyes following kids and teens in way that made his boyfriend’s skin crawl.

_And you’re much better, with how you act around Ciel? You’re telling me that if you give in to what he’s acting of you that you’ll still have some sort of moral high ground? It doesn’t matter what Ciel said; you’d still be a pedophile._

He immediately pushed all out of his head when he realised the psychologist he’d hidden behind was studying him. Sebastian managed a puzzled but still pleasant smile, but the German wasn’t convinced. However, Arthur captured their attention again, and they moved forwards. Sebastian ended up right beside the assistant, and brown eyes scanned up for a moment.

“I’m sorry,” he began, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. “I never got your name.”

“Oh, I’m Sebastian Michaelis,” the teacher offered. “I’m Ciel’s current home school teacher. Mey Rin and I came as emotional support.”

“Ah, good.” A bright smile spread across his lips. “I’m bet he’s glad for such a strong support system. Aren’t you, Ciel?” The teen only nodded, his concentration directed towards the rooms and people they passed. Arthur noticed this and slowed enough so that he and Ciel were walking side by side. “You’ll be very comfortable here, Ciel! We have a room set aside for you to relax in until Angela is ready, and there’s a wide array of food and drinks. Do you have a sweet tooth?”

That was just a question for the sake of conversation. The rumour that Vincent opened the sweets division of Funtom for his son wasn’t a quiet one. Sebastian had seen many pictures online of Ciel when he was younger, chocolate, Funtom lollipops hanging from his fingers or between his teeth and the late owner smiled fondly down at his son. For a station who actually did research into their guests before they appeared on-set, it would be a huge embarrassment to look over something so widely publicised years ago.

Ciel still smiled a bit and allowed Arthur to lead him into the room that was marked “Ciel Phantomhive and Co.” The rest of them filed in after him and sat down on the multiple couches. True to Arthur’s word, there was a sizable table in the middle of the room laden with chocolate chip muffins, sugar snacks, and even a nacho bar in case he wanted something savoury. There was a cooler under the table with soda, juice, and water, but the teen went towards the small table near the bathroom that had a Keurig machine with cups for tea and coffee.

Arthur beamed from his spot near the door before asking, “Would you like anything else? I could send in one of our stylists to help you find something to wear, if you wanted.” He flinched, and Sebastian almost felt bad for him as he seemed to think that he’d just insulted Ciel. “That is, if you didn’t want to go onstage in you riding clothes. They look very dashing on you, but some people-”

Ciel took pity on him and offered him a smile. “It’s fine, Arthur. I understand what you mean, and it wouldn’t surprise me if you were used to guests requesting a more flattering change of clothes.” He glanced at his sweaty appearance in the large wall mirror and shrugged. “Sure, send someone in. I can wear something else, but I’m not going to be subjected to a mess of make-up, got it?”

“Of course.” Arthur opened the door and gave them all a smile. “I’ll return shortly, but go ahead and get something to eat. I bet you guys haven’t had lunch yet, and I have no idea how long Angela will hold you hostage for.”

Madam Red waved him off. “We’ll help ourselves. You go on and don’t worry about us.”

As soon as they were alone again, Ciel practically attacked the table. He sunk his teeth eagerly into one of the muffins, moaning softly as he chewed. Diedrich snorted and shook his head, getting up to grab a bottle of water before stopping eye the Keurig that was currently brewing Ciel’s tea. 

“You’d think I don’t feed you,” his aunt said with an amused smile as the teen sat beside her with three more muffins. “Honey, slow down before you choke.”

“I’m just starving,” he said with an innocent but chocolate-stained smile. “I haven’t eaten since this morning.” Suddenly, his expression collapsed, only to be placed quickly back up before Diedrich or his aunt could notice. Sebastian had seen it however, and his suspicions about something happening this morning were confirmed. Whatever had made him so cross must’ve happened at breakfast and must’ve been bad enough that he hadn’t eaten enough to fill himself up.

But what?

But before he could analyse it any further, the door slammed open, and in came a bright-faced woman in a flashy outfit of sequined pants and a vest. She had her arms full with bags and baskets, no doubt containing clothes and make-up for Ciel. The teen nearly dropped his last muffin, his blue eyes going wide at her sudden appearance. She dumped all of her stuff on the unoccupied couch near the door and smiled down at him.

“Hello,” she greeted cheerfully. “I’m Nina, and I’ll be the one making you look gorgeous today. Now, you’re fair with blue eyes and… dark blue hair? Hmm, I think I have something perfect for your colours, if you give me just one second.”

She turned back towards the couch, just in time to see Arthur run into the room, looking like he’d sprinted. He stopped in the doorway to bend over and wheeze in a couple of breaths. Judging by Nina’s abrupt entrance, she’d ran down the hallway, leaving the poor assistant in the dust. Sebastian wondered why Arthur was following them so closely; though he’d never been in this sort of situation before, he doubted that many other people received this level of service when they came to the station.

_Maybe it’s because Ciel’s going to be such a big story. After all, it’s the first time that the future head of the multi-million dollar company has an actual interview since the accident that killed he previous head. Plus, his re-entrance into society was quite a unique one._

“How is everyone here?” Arthur asked, refocusing Sebastian’s attention. Ciel was currently squirming under Nina’s attempts to hold up different clothes to him to see what looked good on him. “Uh, Nina, I don’t think you should be so forward with him like that.”

“Oh, hush, you worry-wart!” she snapped playfully. “I think this honey is perfectly fine with all of this. After all, _he asked_.” Sebastian saw Ciel flinch as she squeezed his cheeks, singing the last two words. The poor teen looked like he regretted ever agreeing to come to this interview, so Sebastian attempted to help in the only way he knew how.

Making a humming noise in his throat, he commented, “You know, that green may not compliment his eyes like you want. Besides, it’s much too flashy of a colour for him to wear on-stage.” He watched with hidden satisfaction as she took the bait, her light brown eyes narrowing in on him. She straighten at the waist and crossed her arms, jutting out a hip and raising her eye brow. Felling like he had to add on to that to keep her attention and give his student ample time to recover from her assault, he suggested, “Perhaps the violet one. That looks like something that will suit him perfectly- not too dark, not too flashy, and with perfect accents for his complexion.” He shrugged. “But what do I know about fashion?”

The words seemed to soother her obviously ruffled feathers. Her expression relaxed, and she even smiled warmly at him. “You know, perhaps you’re right. Even if you were a little rude about saying it, I should probably go with…” She pulled out the last outfit in the pile and held it up to Ciel to see how it would look. “…this one.”

“Yes, well,” Ciel began, looking rather flushed. “I think I‘ll go dress in the bathroom. I would rather you all not see my scrawny body, thank you.”

Sebastian laughed, but Diedrich rolled his eyes. “We’ve talked about your self-confidence. You eat enough sweets that there’s no chance you’re as thin as you think,” the psychologist argued, crossing his arms over his chest and frowning. “But I won’t argue on your comfort level with undressing in front of people; it’s not like I’m encouraging you to be an exhibitionist.”

The teen stuck his tongue out, and Diedrich frowned harder. However, before he could say some in return, Ciel grabbed the outfit from Nina and went to the bathroom, slamming the door shut. After a heartbeat of silence, they heard the tell-tale sound of the lock turning. Madam Red laughed under her breath, and Diedrich got up to make his coffee.

Nina looked back at Sebastian, one of her eyebrows raised again and a slight smirk on her face. “So how are you so knowledgeable about fashion? If there’s already a designer in your midst, why was I called?”

He flushed slightly and fiddled with the collar to his shirt in an attempt to loosen it. “Uh, no, I’m just his tutor. However, I’ve spent a lot of time with wealthy families who enjoy the camera to be on them and picked up a few tips over the years through observation. I had a student with the most lovely blue eyes, and she enjoyed wearing violet.” He shrugged, unable to keep the disdain from his expression. “Unfortunately, her eyes must be trick doors if they lead to her soul. She was a very spoilt and disagreeable girl whose favourite pastime was to see how many of my pencils she could break before I would give up for the day.”

There was a collection of groans, and Madam Red shook her head. “Well, Ciel may be a little brat, but he’s not that bad.”

“I _can_ you, you know?” Ciel called from the bathroom, and his aunt just grinned.

“Love you,” she sung, and Sebastian had to smile with her. They were absolutely adorable together, when they weren’t arguing. Even though Bard had once said that she didn’t feel like she was the right parental figure for him, the teacher couldn’t for the life of him see why. After all, it was clear that Ciel wanted for nothing but still had a level of humility to him. His unfortunate situation mentally wasn’t something she could change by herself.

He could say, even though she was still trying to pin the pedophilia charges on him, she was one of the most remarkable women he’d ever met. After all, she had readily taken in a child that she knew from the get-go would not be easy to raise and would come with many adjustments to her life. Plus, the way she took his anxiety in stride and never seemed to falter when Ciel needed her…

If only he could get her back on his side.

The talk with Finny had been enlightening, but he was still very much aware that he was walking on thin ice, no matter what direction he went in. One wrong move and he would be sucked under the water, gasping and struggling to pull himself to safety. He could say for certainty, even if it was strictly in his own head, that he felt a degree of affection towards his student that was different from all the others. The teen’s welfare was important to him, and he honestly wanted to see Ciel get to a point in his life where he could sleep the whole night through without ever waking up screaming and sobbing. He wanted him to be happy, just like he should be.

And, if he could be honest, Sebastian wondered if Ciel could truly be happy with him even if his feelings were requited. Nevermind what the public felt about their relationship, his aunt would never take it well. She would constantly be hounding the poor boy to break up with his teacher and find someone closer to his age, and it was quite possible she would drag all of them through a huge mess with the press. Though Finny was right and it was likely that Ciel would still support him if Madam Red ruined his career in teaching, it would break Sebastian’s heart to lose the ability to do something he loved.

His thoughts were redirected towards the door when the lock turned again and Ciel stepped out into the room. In the back of his mind, he was aware of Madam Red letting out a low whistle and standing up to get a closer look. Diedrich was nodding proudly, and Mey was clapping, saying, “Oh, you look just like you belong on the cover of a magazine, young master!”

Of course, his main focus was on Ciel himself.

Nina had chosen an ensemble of black and plum hues, something that was very Ciel. Sebastian’s mouth surprisingly went dry as his eyes immediately latched onto a pair of shapely hips that were being hugged by a pair of black skinny jeans. While he was sure they weren’t very appropriate for the interview, he wasn’t complaining. Ciel wasn’t the type to wear form-fitting clothes, and Sebastian was extremely uncomfortable with how much he was disappointed with that fact. He had sudden thoughts of how difficult it would to be to take those tight jeans off to get to the legs underneath, and a light flush coloured his cheeks.

She’d also decided to make his torso very visible with her selection of a snug sweater vest over a black button-up. The button-up’s sleeves were only three quarter, and the plum vest was complimented with a lighter purple ribbon at his neck. Ciel hadn’t tied it yet, but his aunt was starting to fuss with it. Sebastian couldn’t get past how cute he looked, like he was in a little prep uniform or something. He was smiling smugly, so his face was dusted with a healthy pink.

_Wait_ , a voice warned him. _What are you doing? You’re obviously oogling the same_ teenager _that you claim you aren’t interested in like_ that _, and you’re still trying to hang onto your argument? Sebastian, get your shit together right now. Madam Red is going to see you, and-_

“Well, Teacher Man, how does it look?” Nina asked with a very proud smirk. She jutted her hip out and nudged her head in Ciel’s direction.

_Fucking hell, he looks like a sin. He’s going to have every single girl over the age of twelve drooling. God,_ I’m _drooling. Shit, she needs an answer. Sebastian, speak!_

He made his expression quickly morph into one of pleasant surprise. “Well, it looks like my suggestion turned out well. Are you comfortable in it, Ciel? That’s what matters.”

The teen shrugged, and the sweater pulled the under shirt up with it, revealing a flash of pink skin for just a moment. Sebastian forced himself to keep his face from heating up. He had to get his head away from all the thoughts of just how attractive his student was when someone was trying to make him look delectable.

_And I chose that, didn’t I? God help me, I’ve ruined myself. And_ delectable _? It’s not like he’s a treat to eat up._

_You are what you eat_ , a small voice whispered in his head, and he had to stand up suddenly so that his flinch wouldn’t be so noticeable.

“However, I recommend getting that ribbon sorted out,” the teacher said, grateful that his voice wasn’t nearly as hoarse as he figured it would be. Only, judging by the small quirk of his student’s lips, Ciel had heard it. No one else was acting like they found his behaviour suspicious, for which Sebastian was grateful. 

The teen was starting to smile even more, something that looked suspiciously like triumph gleaming in his eyes. It was like he knew what was going on in his tutor’s head, and Sebastian knew that he was going to be screwed if Ciel figured out exactly _what_ was making him so out of sorts.

“Well,” the little brat practically purred, “what do you suggest?”

_Little here, you little shit-_ “A simple bow would do perfectly. It would also add to the whimsical effect you’re hoping for.”

“Help me?” the teen asked, coming towards him. “Aunt Ann is really bad with this sort of thing.”

The redhead looked insulted. “I’m an unmarried woman. Of course I don’t have much experience with tying ties and bow ties!” She stepped back, allowing Sebastian to get close enough to help her nephew where she could not. Though, the teacher had suspicions that Ciel had chosen him rather than Diedrich because he knew that the older man was practically bursting at the seams with how much he was trying to keep calm about this.

_Oh, he smells nice_ , the teacher thought miserably as his fingers picked up the ends of the ribbon and beginning the steps to do a simple bow. _Did he put on cologne in the bathroom? It’s not overpowering, but it smells like chocolate- dark, rich, delicious…_

His heart was hammering in his chest, but he managed to get the tie fixed for Ciel on the first attempt. Though, his fingers were shaking slightly with how overwhelmed he was at having to look down that beautiful body in order to see what he was doing. He was being forced to play with fire, and he had a sinking feeling he was losing.

“There,” he said after straightening it one final time. “Now, you’re ready.”

“Oh, no, he’s not,” Nina said with an evil grin. Ciel looked over at her, face blanching as she held up a bag that was bulging at the sides with could only be make-up. “Now, about your contours-”

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The lights were too bright. He wanted to squint, wanted to ask them to turn down the intensity of their beams, but that would show weakness. So, with his eyes open as he normally would and nerves making him bob his foot under the table, he continued to smile at the woman who was interviewing him. She was pretty, but he could tell that under all that make-up she was just as pretty as someone like Mey Rin or perhaps Lizzy.

“And what would you say the main focus of Funtom will be once you take over your birth right?” she asked, stressing the last two words like someone should be proud of her for using them. 

He restrained himself from rolling his eyes and smiled sweetly at her instead, like Aunt Ann had told him to. “Well, I intend on drawing children back to the simpler pleasures while still staying in this century. After all, there’s no reason why toys have to become outdated just because Apple and Samsung happen to have captured the attention of our country’s youth.” He cocked his head slightly, adding, “Wouldn’t you agree?”

“Of course,” she chirped, and Ciel could’ve grinned wider. “I mean, when I was raising my two kids, there wasn’t an option of giving them a tablet or phone, and I feel like their childhoods were much more meaningful because of it.”

“Toys are outlets for creativity.” He held up one hand. “With one doll, she can be a doctor, a therapist, a teacher, or even a ghost hunter. It depends solely on what that child wants for her that day. Same with action figures or toy animals- their abilities are only limited by that child’s creativity.” He displayed the other hand, shrugging. “On the other hand, with a tablet game, your child is morphing their creativity to match whatever box is available for them to click on. They are limited by the company who made that app. Which is fine, don’t get me wrong…” He let his hands sink back to his sides. “…if you want your child’s creativity to be dampened and restrained from the beginning.”

“And this is why Funtom still designs and sells toys?” the interviewer- was her name Annette? Or was it Amanda?- asked, leading him into another topic.

His smile slipped a little, but he renewed it, allowing the small traces of sadness remain. “Yes, but also because it was my father’s favourite division. Nothing made him happier than to bring home a prototype for me to try out and to see the joy I had in playing with it.” He could remember it like yesterday, tugging on the ears of rabbits and giggling as his mother played minister at his dolls’ wedding. “And I want to help other parents see that same joy on their kids’ faces when they bring home another toy for them to play with.”

The interview was necessary, and he knew that if he were to glance at Aunt Ann or the others sitting in the small audience of technical workers and producers, he would see encouragement on their faces. This was required. This was part of the publicity for him and the toy. He’d gotten the approval of the board, and now he needed the approval of the public. This was a step to getting that approval.

The toy had been named “Lenina,” and she had “Elisabeth,” “John,” and “Bernard” to accompany her in the toy aisles. They were setting up ideas for a series of riders that worked similarly to the _American Girl_ dolls and offered dolls that would be any gender and could match whatever child it was being shipped to. Also, monthly, they would offer a specialty rider. These riders would come with their own horse and could actually interact with it.

He and the Board were looking over the mechanics for them, talking to the technicians on staff to figure out what was and was not possible. He’d even hunted down quite a few people that he’d found online and was setting up interviews with them later in the month to bring them on board for the project as well. However, all of that was just a work in progress, and he’d only alluded to it when he promised “more to come.”

Essentially, he had Annette/Amanda eating out of his hand. She seemed genuinely interested in the project, and he knew that consumers were more likely to buy products if they saw a middle class mom was expecting to buy it. Plus, by her forcing him to talk about his dad, she’d actually helped him gain sympathy from the populace. Besides, what parent didn’t want to help their child’s creativity?

He allowed himself one glimpse at Aunt Ann, saw the pride in her crimson eyes and felt his heart soar. He was doing well; she thought he was doing well. Ciel looked back at the interviewer and smiled like he’d never looked away. She was insisting that the audience stayed tuned to the program, that there would be more with “Mr. Phantomhive” after commercials. He forced himself not to cringe at that. The only person who’d ever liked to be referred to as “Mr. Phantomhive” was his grandfather, and the asshole hadn’t been married to Vincent’s mom long enough to really have much of a say in it.

His interviewer went off to the small breakfast table that they’d set out for the crew, but he went back to where his aunt sat, collapsing beside her and allowing her to wrap an arm around him. She was a very affectionate person when she was in a good mood, and he was glad that she wasn’t squeezing him instead.

“So, am I doing okay out there? It’s been so long since the last one I can’t remember what to say,” he asked, accepting a cookie from Mey Rin. 

“Well, for starters, you could actually say her name every once in a while,” Diedrich offered quietly. “You did catch it, yes?”

“No,” he admitted under his breath, glad she was talking with the director about something. “I mean, I heard it when Arthur kept saying it earlier, but I can’t remember it for the life of me.”

“Ciel Vincent Phantomhive,” Aunt Ann admonished, looking appalled, but Diedrich just started laughing. “Her name is Angela, and I am very disappointed in you right now. You better be glad she didn’t find out.”

“Well, I could’ve gone the entire interview without it. Now, for the second half, I can address her by name.” He shrugged and sank his teeth the cookie, chocolate chips exploding flavour in his mouth and tickling his taste buds. God, sugar was so good.

Arthur came up to them, looking flushed. “Uh, sorry, Ciel. We’re about to go back on soon, but would you like any water?”

“I’ll take some tea,” he answered politely. The assistant was pretty nice, and he was very respectful of Ciel’s boundaries- not trying to be too formal when he realised it made the teen uncomfortable but also taking care not to be too familiar with him as well. Also, he had to admit that it was refreshing having someone that barely knew him attend to him so readily and without so much as a frown on his face, except for the nervous looks.

He hadn’t finished his tea by the time the director called them back to the stage, but he was allowed to replace the mug of water that had been set near his chair with his mug of tea. Angela smiled warmly at him and as they did the countdown again.

“And, we’re back with the future head of Funtom,” Angela began once she was cued to speak, and Ciel smiled dutifully at her and the camera. “Ciel had informed us about his plans to bring a new toy to the market, based off of his own horse and his own experiences with horseback riding.” She turned towards him and gave him a dazzling smile, lilac eyes seeming to gleam once the lights were on. “So, are you and Lenina close?”

“Well, I haven’t had her for very long, but the trek to town has built a trust between us.” He grinned. “Having all those people stare at you helps create a bond, that’s for sure.”

This earned him a laugh. “I bet. We got to cover your entrance into town, and you were quite a sight on top of her, I’ll say. I’m surprised that she didn’t get overwhelmed.”

“Me, too,” he admitted, “but I think both of us were determined to make our way back into the world, no matter the discomfort.”

She nodded, pausing to absorb his words and think of something in response to that. However, he job must allow her to recover quickly because she leaned forward and said quietly, “And I bet you’re glad to finally be free, aren’t you?”

Ciel nodded but still cleared his throat to say, “I’m eager to get on with my life, to become the man my parents would want me to be.”

He realised too late that his comment hadn’t been a very intelligent one to make. Diedrich had warned him against giving her any trigger phrases to begin questioning him about his parents in depth, but he’d just given her the perfect segue. He could’ve slapped himself, but it seemed she was too eager to get a story than to see the panic that was no doubt flashing in his eyes.

“Yes, your parents,” she said smoothly. “I bet you miss them, don’t you? It’s been almost eight years without them, correct?’

_Eight years without Bitter Rabbit swooping in to kiss his face under Mom’s command. Eight years without Dad pulling me onto his lap, giving me a piece of chocolate before dinner because I begged him. Eight years since the fire, licking up towards the sky as I lie there…_

He instantly put a lock on those memories, allowing himself to just force a smile on his face. “I miss them, of course, but it’s not really such a painful ache anymore.” He made his shoulders move up then down, counting the appropriate amount of time to do so because his mind was in another place right now- full of sirens and scarlet and begging God at night in a hospital bed for him to wake up from this nightmare.

“Such a violent way of passing,” she remarked sadly. “It’s no wonder that vehicles make you so nervous even today.”

_Please stop_ , he wanted to ask her, and he could hear Diedrich off-stage, far away enough to not be heard on the camera but no doubt talking in the microphone connected to Angela’s earpiece. 

“What happened that night?” Her voice was far away, whispering darkly in his mind as the same question from countless other reporters repeated in his head. “How did you escape, Ciel?”

Breathing was getting harder. Ciel sucked in a huge breath of air, trying to keep calm even as the flashbacks came back.

_Fire, fire, crackling fire, making the stars look like ash that would rain down from the heavens. Cold, cold earth beneath him, but also pain. Lots of pain that stung all over his body like he was the one on fire even as his eyes were glued to the blackening skeleton that had been their car._

He could feel hands on him, smoothing over his face before going towards his body. He gasped and struggled to banish the memories back to the locked box he’d left them in. Fuck, he was ruining everything. He’d told himself not to do this.

“Ciel,” a low voice was murmuring in his ear. “Ciel, I need you to sit up straight, honey.” He opened his eyes, but the red wasn’t going away. It was everywhere, burning the very ground in front of him, and he recoiled. However, the chair didn’t have a back, and he fell backwards onto the ground. “Ciel!”

_How did I escape? How did I live? Why did I live? Oh, god, the car._ He curled in on himself, sobbing brokenly as he still wheezed in whatever air his lungs would accept. Panic filled him as he realised the colour still wasn’t going away, was still enveloping him and trying to smother him.

“Diedrich!” The shout was desperate, and he was soon turned away from the red, and brown confronted him instead. _Brown, no red. No fire, just the cold, cold earth numbing the pain to his back._ “Diedrich, what’s going on?”

“Fucking hell.” His face was tilted up, lids opened wider, and he managed to make out a face. 

_Who? Who is this? No more red. No more fire. No more, please. The lights- the lights are too bright. Bright lights._ He pressed a shaking hand over his eyes. _No more. No more lights, please. Make it go away. Let me sleep. Please, make it stop. God, make it stop._

“He’s disassociating. Dammit.” He was shaken, and Ciel couldn’t help the scream that tore out of him. “Ciel, come back to us, okay? Can you feel my hands? What about my voice? Can you hear my voice?”

Yes, the voice was there. He nodded, still trying to breathe as he pressed his clammy hand tighter over his eyes. He couldn’t see the fire if he covered his eyes.

“Honey, please.” It was sobbing, but it was different than his own. “Ciel.”

Suddenly, he was let go. Only, the hands on his arms were replaced by cold hands on his face. He opened his eyes and saw black. _No fire, no earth, just night. Just quiet night with stars and the moon and red satellites._ He widened his eyes, wanting to make the blurry lines focus so he could make out the moon, could see its face.

“Ciel, just like we practiced,” came a very calm voice amongst all the panic. “In for four.” An deep inhale, which he mimicked without thinking. “Hold for four.” He tried to get the air to stay in his lungs, but it didn’t. A distressed noise came out of his throat and another sob. “Hey, it’s okay. It’s okay. Try again with me, all right? In for four.”

_Sebastian_ , he thought blankly. _This is Sebastian._ And it was his teacher’s hands on his face, not the night’s. He blinked his eyes and managed to make out the calm in the crimson eyes. He slowly inhaled, and the air held in his lungs this time.

He was calming down, and Sebastian looked relieved, even if tears were still streaming down Ciel’s face. He felt weak and dizzy, like he had a fever or something. However, his teacher didn’t seem phased at all, just continued to take deep breaths and release them in time with Ciel.

Ciel heard heels on tile and turned his head to the side to see red, but it wasn’t fire this time. It was just Aunt Ann, but her eyes were burning with rage as she stalked over to the still stunned Angela who was being held back by the crew. He knew she was angry but was too tired to do much more than slump against Sebastian and watched as she exploded.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” she was shouting at the shaken crew. “Diedrich told you multiple times to avoid talking about their deaths. He was practically shouting into your ear to stop before you do something like this! Are you happy now, you bitch?” She pointed a finger, glaring darkly enough that Angela should be dead. “When we tell you not to fucking trigger him, you don’t fucking trigger him. I swear to god if you publish this story, I will sue all of you. You’ll be lucky if I don’t with what you’ve done so far!” She looked back at Diedrich, who was walking up to the director with a fierce expression as well.

“You promised us that Ciel would not come under any emotional distress during this interview,” he said lowly but no less menacing than Aunt Ann’s tirade. “You said that you would keep on the topic of the company and his toy.” He motioned his head towards Ciel. “You just caused him to do something he hasn’t done since he was fourteen.”

Ciel pressed his face into Sebastian’s shoulder, not wanting to see it anymore. He just wanted to leave. He wanted to go home and sleep and never wake up because he had just fucked up everything. All of his hard work to establish himself and maintain a level of untouchable calm was ruined, and his head hurt so much. The tears weren’t stopping, and a wave of misery washed over him.

Tiny sobs bubbled up from his chest, but Sebastian shushed him. Those strong arms wrapped around him, and he wondered if this was the real reason the man wasn’t interested in him- not because of the age difference but because Ciel was a mess who seemed to always need Sebastian’s help. 

“Sebastian,” he whispered. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Those ruby eyes widened, and his teacher shook his head. “You stop that right now. You have nothing to be sorry about, got it? You just let it out, and I’ll be right here.”

Ann heard him, but it seemed like she didn’t care for once. She just blinked twice before said softly, “Sebastian, could you take him out of here? Let Diedrich and I finish up with these idiots, and take him somewhere safe.”

Sebastian nodded, and Ciel began to shift so he could stand up. However, his knees were weak, and he swayed back and forth. His aunt’s eyes went wide, face so pale that her lipstick looked like drops of blood in snow. Or fire surrounded by ashes.

“Please, don’t walk,” she begged. She looked at Sebastian desperately, who seemed to understand and picked up Ciel in his arms as he stood up. The teen let out a noise of protest, but his head was swimming too much to actually complain. “Be careful, okay?”

“Of course, ma’am,” the teacher assured her. “Always.”

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

He took Ciel to a nearby playground. Since it was during the weekday on a very cold morning, this particular park was empty, so it was just the three of them. Lenina stood nearby, attempting to eat some of the grass, but Ciel had assured him that it would be fine.

The teen was sitting on the playground equipment, eyes scanning the area as if he was still in his own world. Sebastian knew that he had to be careful to avoid whatever had happened back at the station, or else they would lose Ciel again to his own mind. Though the teacher knew a bit about disassociation from the research he’d done on anxiety and PTSD- which Diedrich was sure he had but had no idea what the specific trauma was- after the first panic attack, he’d known little more than that the person required something to ground them back to Earth again. If they were allowed to stay in their own heads, it could be disastrous and could leave them there for possibly hours.

His student hadn’t spoken to him since his watery apology, but he was looking more and more like Ciel as the time went on. Sebastian shifted closer to him to bump shoulders, managing to catch sapphire eyes and hold them as he gave an encouraging smile.

Ciel looked away, back at the playground, before blowing out a sigh. “You know, my mom used to bring me here all the time when she didn’t have work.” Sebastian blinked at the admission. Ciel had barely talked about his parents beyond the basic _they died when I was ten_ story. Still, whatever had happened must’ve encouraged him to talk. “We would spend the morning here and then go to Funtom so the three of us could have lunch together. Dad would always want something spicy, and Mom would steal sips from his latte. After we left, she would let me get one of the candy bars from the downstairs vending machines, and we’d split it.” He sighed but leaned against his teacher, head resting on Sebastian’s hopefully comfortable shoulder. “I always like those days best.”

His heart was soaring in his chest, the scent of chocolate mixing with sweat and driving him crazy. Still, what was really psyching him out right now was that against all odds he’d gotten Ciel to start opening up. Even though he'd rejected him, the teen was telling him about Rachel and Vincent, two of the most important secrets he only mentioned around Madam Red and Diedrich.

He wasn't done. "Sometimes, when we didn't have school but Mom was working, Dad would take me to work with him." A small laugh seemed to bubble out, and Sebastian liked how honest it sounded, how full of actual joy it was. "I remember one time he had this guy named Ash who had proposed a new version of the Bitter Rabbit toy, and I was there during his presentation." Ciel shook his head. "It was awful. It was supposed to be a 'Happy Rabbit,' rather than bitter, like there aren't enough of those in the world or anything. Of course, I was very vocal about my displeasure, but their jerk couldn't do anything about it. Dad tried to keep me as quiet as possible, but you could tell that he agreed with me whole-heartedly."

"How old were you?" Sebastian asked quietly, hoping that it wouldn't discourage the teen from his allowance.

"Six." A cold hand wrapped around Sebastian's, but the teacher's was only a bit warmer. It wasn't really a good idea to stay out here in the cold. Though it was only mid-October, the temperatures were starting to drop more and more every day. So, on that idea, he allowed the touch, figuring it wasn't much worse than Ciel leaning on him, and he also wrapped his other hand on top of the two. He knew that he was sending mixed signals, but it made sense since his mind was sending them as well.

_Holding hands like this is okay, right? After all, it's not like I'm doing this for any other reason than that we're both cold. Or perhaps it's because his hands are so soft that it doesn't bother me. This poor thing is practically shivering. I should've taken him all the way to the hotel, but he could ride without me._

He'd left his keys with Mey Rin to take his care back and had joined Ciel on top of Lenina. She hadn't seemed to miffed by the extra weight, and thankfully Ciel hadn't minded someone else riding his horse. The playground was the closest unoccupied place he could find for Ciel to recuperate after such a terrifying event.

Diedrich had know almost immediately that the interviewer would ask him about that night. He'd made sure to stand up and wave at her, making signs at the director to make her stop. However, all four of them had watched in horror as both Angela and the director ignored him, continuing with the program despite the growing panic in Ciel's eyes.

And it had exploded in no time flat. Calm, playful eyes suddenly had gotten wide and full of fear, and all the colour that Nina had added to his cheeks looked fake and flat as the natural blush underneath blanched. Sebastian had turned to the psychologist, hoping that Diedrich would know what to do, but all he was allowed to attempt was practically shouting in the tiny mouthpiece they'd given him for her to stop, that she had no idea what type of buttons she was pressing.

And the things that started pouring out of Ciel's mouth about fire and red. Angelina had looked practically traumatised herself when he'd recoiled away from her like that. When not even Diedrich could help ground him, Sebastian had decided to help, hoping that after his success the last time Ciel's anxiety had gone beyond just the attacks, he could work it out. Of course, the teacher knew just how arrogant it was to assume that, even after the aunt and therapist couldn't help Ciel, he would be able to, but he'd needed to try. Hearing Ciel scream, hearing the bloodcurdling sound that had raised the hair on the back of his tutor's neck had made him realise that there was no way this would end well if they didn't calm him down quickly.

Ciel shivered against him, and Sebastian hummed. "Are you cold, young master?" he asked quietly, rubbing his palms over the warming hand between them.

"A tad." He inched closer to the older man, still trembling. "I really don't have sleeves, and the undershirt is really thin. That's great when I'm under all those hot lights onstage, but..." He looked up, blue eyes impassive save a very narrow glimmer of hope. "Do you think that we could... I don't know... _cuddle_?" His cheeks were pink, but Sebastian couldn't tell if it was because of the cold or the situation. 

Could they cuddle? Would anyone recognise them if they passed by and just saw two non-children embracing on the jungle equipment? And if someone who did know them passed by, would they tell Madam Red- or, worse, the media? He didn't want Ciel to be wrapped up in something so wrong just because he wanted to get warmer.

But he was also so cold, and the poor thing looked miserable. Besides, Sebastian's job was to look after Ciel during the day, and what type of caregiver would he be if he let his student get sick just because _he_ was too worried about appearances when the teen was obviously freezing?

So, he just sighed and nodded, holding his arms wide open for Ciel to move into. What he didn't expect was for the younger man to crawl in his lap instead and burrow his cold face into the hollow of Sebastian's neck. The tiny body was colder than he thought, and he quickly wrapped his arms around Ciel's frame, murmuring quiet assurances that he would be as warm as a tourist in the Amazon by the time he got done with him. The teen didn't respond besides squirming a bit to press himself closer.

And just for a moment, when he could disguise it as a friendly gesture of keeping his student warm, he rested his cheek against those dark blue locks and sighed, admitting if only to himself that there the hammering in his chest was not a sign of platonic affection after all.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ann stormed into her room, throwing her purse against the wall. She didn't care if it broke something in there or not; she didn't care about a damn thing. On that note, she kicked off her shoes, actually feeling glad when they hit the opposite wall with two loud _thuds_ because _fuck it, why not_? Why the hell should she care about anything after knowing that the one person she had spent a quarter of her life looking after and loving had flinched away from her during one of his attacks like it was _her_ who had killed his parents?

The fear in his eyes as he looked at the room and didn't see cameras or his aunt but flame and ash... she wasn't sure if anything could hurt worse than that.

And that stupid bitch who had pushed him to that, all for the sake of ratings and not caring that she could damage Ann's nephew beyond repair if she wasn't careful about her words. No, if they thought that Ciel would _ever_ go back to them or possible say something in their general direction ever again, they could kiss her red covered ass and fucking beg on their knees. He wasn't ever going to be put through that again. Never.

"Angelina." Her name was soft on his lips, and she turned back to see Diedrich standing in her doorway, holding his coat and giving her a small smile. She could tell that he was just as enraged as she was, but there was something else under there as well. She wasn't the only one who felt like she'd failed Ciel today.

"Can you blame me?" she snapped, but he shook his head and took two steps in the room before closing the door behind him. Mey was probably in the next room over with Finny, explaining to the gardener what had happened, so it wasn't like he'd kicked her out.

"You need to calm down," he murmured, but there was more emotion behind his words than she expected to hear. "When they get back, Ciel will be too emotionally fried to deal with all of this and you raging on top of it." He approached her slowly, but she could tell that it was more out of respect than fear. If there was one thing they'd never had between each other, it was fear of the other. "Now, we've got the tapes, they've agreed to sign a formal apology, and Ciel's with us. He snapped out of it."

"No thanks to me," she said sadly, collapsing onto the bed and staring down at her sleeves. The colour crimson, her favourite colour since high school... and now it was tainted. 

She knew it was her who had made it worse, but she'd been so worried and had wanted to calm him down like she normally did. She hadn't calmed him down; she'd scared him. All because there was only one colour in her closet. All because that colour also had to be the one that had burned the brightest when she'd lost her sister and brother and he'd lost his parents.

"Hey, look at me." She couldn't. There were tears welling up in her eyes, and she couldn't show him that she was crying. She was supposed to be strong for Ciel, and crying made her weak. "Ann, look at me right now," he repeated firmly, and she only did to glare at him.

But his face looked just as distraught as she felt. "This was a step back," he stated plainly, not allowing any emotion in his words. She felt her lips tremble as he reminded her that all of their work the last few years could be in danger. All the progress that they'd made to help Ciel to a point of normalcy was at stake. "It's a fact, and that's fine. We will work on this together- all of us. We'll sit down with Ciel and Mr. Michaelis and the servants, and we'll discuss this." He sat beside her and took her hands in his, sighing. "But you need to be with us on this, okay? You need to remove all the unnecessary stress from his life and work with him rather than against him.

"For instance, your witch hunt against Sebastian is causing both of them stress. Ciel is being forced to watch his back around you to make sure you don't misinterpret something that he feels safe doing." He stared her down. "Has he told you that something Mr. Michaelis did made him uncomfortable?"

She frowned. "No, but-"

Diedrich held up a finger, stopping her. "Has he told you that his teacher has made him feel uncomfortable?" he repeated sternly.

_No, but perhaps it's because he doesn't understand that it should. It's been a while since anyone had displayed something that could be read as romantic feelings towards him; he might not understand that that's what they are._

But even she had to admit to herself that Ciel wasn't nearly as socially naïve as she pictured him to be. In fact, he was rather skilled at reading people. So, with a sigh, she shook her head and admitted softly, "No, he hasn't said anything of the sort."

"So, why are you worried? You know that Ciel doesn't mind whatever his teacher is doing in his presence, and it's highly unlikely that someone like Sebastian, whom Ciel even told me himself sees him as little more than a student, will suddenly turn into a predator overnight with little or no warning." Diedrich squeezed her hands and smiled at her. "Can you just wait until you hear from Ciel about this issue before freaking out? At the very least, we can talk to Bard and Mey about the issue, get their opinions. They are the ones with those two the most during the day, and they'll have the most insight on the situation."

Ann nodded, looking down at their hands. It was an odd thing that something like this now comforted her rather than making her skin crawl. At one point, she would've slapped him for doing something so rash, but his large hands cradling hers like they were some sort of frail treasure made her heart race in her chest. She looked back up at him, but he no longer looked at her, no doubt in hopes that she wouldn't see the faint colouring of a blush climbing up his neck.

"What would our lives be without you?" she murmured, leaning against his shoulder. His back was still firmly upright, and she almost giggled at how hard he was trying to appear impassive. "I'm so glad you stayed here after Vincent died. There was nothing left for you here, no one to call you back from Germany on a moment's notice, but you didn't go home."

"Well, I couldn't just leave you with some stranger, now could I?" he asked gruffly, squeezing her hands and staring down at her with a slight frown.

Not _you two_ \- he'd said _you_ , and she grinned up at him before kissing him once on the cheek. "Thank you," she murmured before settling back on his shoulder, not even thinking about looking for her nephew in the happy haze that had settled over her thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Movement made in both ships! Whoa! In case you couldn't see before this, yes, I've been trying to stick these dorks together. All the time. And here we are, so yay!
> 
> I personally have never had issues with disassociating, so my depiction of it may not be very accurate. However, I tried to do research as well as read some accounts of people with disorders such as PTSD who described their experiences with it. Please tell me if I need to adjust the account in any way, shape, or form. I'm not too proud to rewrite things, I pomise you. :)
> 
> Now, for why this chapter is being posted on Saturday rather than Tuesday when I promised you:
> 
> Like I told Rose in the comments, travelling for Thanksgiving to visit my father as well as struggling with depression do not make for good writing conditions. I hate using that as an excuse for not finishing things, but that was the main reason. I know from experience that attempting to write for me when I can't really feel... anything? Like, it's numbing for me when I'm like that. Thus, the quality is subpar, and you guys don't deserve that. So, and please excuse my assumption that you guys would rather quality over quantity. :/ 
> 
> But I'm feeling much better and it was roughly 28 pages on MSW! So, there you guys are. I'm about to rush off to start Chapter Thirteen!


	13. The First Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the first snow of the season comes down, some feelings may come out.

Ciel stared down at the group of reporters, putting on his best smile as they waited patiently for him to answer the question a woman from Channel Three had asked.

“No, I don’t plan on opening a branch of technology based games in Funtom,” he finally told her, and she frowned. “I believe that we should stand as a front against all children turning to technology to pass the time. However, we are very excited to announce that our new product, Lenina the Horse, will definitely more friends to play with.” He looked around as they all scrambled to shout his name loud enough to get his attention. Ciel glanced back at his aunt by the door, and she signed the letters to one of the news stations.

“Yes, you there in red sweater,” the teen called, pointing to the man from WHTF, and the man in question beamed.

“Do you plan on making an appearance at the Funtom Company’s annual trunk-or-treat next Saturday?” he asked, and Ciel nodded once.

“The trunk-or-treat is a tradition that I have missed attending the last few years,” he told them with a sheepish expression. “I remember it fondly from my own childhood, and I’m eager to see it in action even today. We have a total of...” He glanced down at the sheet in front of him. “…eighty-three cars that plan on attending, including my aunt and I. If anyone would like to sign up, the form is still on the website, and we look forward to seeing you there.

“The next evening, however, we are also hosting a masquerade ball at Lincoln Park,” he told them, and there were murmurs amongst the crowd. “I’m also accepting questions about that, if you wish,” he offered, and they began to squawk again.

He hadn’t wanted to go back to the press, but publicity was important. Angela and her station had been banned from the conference, so at least he had that small note of satisfaction. However, it seemed that news of what had happened there had spread around the other news stations, because no a single soul asked him about his parents’ death again, even though he had left several hooks for them to attach onto.

Diedrich was off to his left, no quite onstage but away from the press. Finny stood near the German man, and Mey was on the other side, arms crossed over her chest. Abberline had come to them earlier that day, warning that they would be unable to provide security due to a large drug bust that was to take place on the outskirts of town. Thus, the two servants had immediately offered to guard him, both with concealed Tasers in case it was necessary to take down someone who rushed the podium.

In all honesty, this was much less stressful than the one-on-one discussions that he’d had. For one, he didn’t have to answer any questions that he didn’t feel comfortable answering and could easily move on to another person who could possibly think of something else to say.

“Mr. Phantomhive, are you attempting to start a new tradition?” one woman asked, and Ciel grimaced.

“Call me Ciel, please. Being called ‘Mr. Phantomhive’ makes me feel old,” he joked. “But, no. I just wanted to see whether or not something like this for the older crowd would be a nice change. If it goes over well, however, I will talk to the company about making it a tradition.”

“Is there any meaning behind the masquerade?” 

He debated letting her have two questions but figured he might as well. “I was hoping to, but we’ll see how many people agree. The plan is to sell masks at the entrance that were designed by the local elementary school and created by the high school in a collaboration effort by the art departments, and all the proceeds will go to the arts in our schools. All the money donated by the public through this will be matched by Funtom, so that way the two schools can earn enough to boost creativity with their students.”

He pointed to a woman who was practically leaping out of her chair. “So,” she began, “is the company making an active campaign for creativity in children or is it temporary?”

Ciel thought for a moment about how to word this, thinking back to how he’d explained it to the Board the day before. “The success of children is determined through creativity,” he told her. “Problem solving is one part logic but two parts creativity, so, yes, Funtom is hoping to nurture children in today’s world to have both. After all, our job as a toy company is to give them tools to let their imaginations run wild, and they need to be creative to do so.” He smiled simply at her, inwardly pleased as someone snapped a photo. “Don’t you agree?”

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Sebastian walk in to stand beside his aunt, a welcome site to the teen’s growing exhaustion. That meant that it was nearly time to leave. He was almost free from all the questions and the attempts to sound like he knew exactly what the company had been reaching for while he’d been gone. While they hadn’t lost the main focus that Vincent had established before his death, Ciel had noticed that they hadn’t maintained some of the lesser known events that the late Phantomhives had always held away from the public eye, and Ciel wanted to change that.

Thankfully, it was only another ten minutes of questions about the new line of toys, and he got the nod from his aunt. He looked back at the crowd and gave them a sad smile. “Well, I’ve gotten the signal. Who wants the last question?”

He noticed a familiar but welcome face. The man in front of him was still as nervous as when they’d met him, but his confidence had been slightly bolstered by the new job he’d been given shortly after approaching Ciel the week before. Though the sight of him had originally left the teen’s stomach in knots, he’d realised that the events that afternoon couldn’t be blamed on the poor guy.

“Yes, Arthur?” he asked, pretending that he had squinted to see the name tag written hastily in black Sharpie.

Brown eyes opened wide, but the reporter wasted no time. “After you return to your manor in November, is this the last that we’ll see of you in a while, Ciel?”

_Good boy_ , he thought fondly, but he just smiled and shook his head. “No. I am free from my self-induced isolation, and I intend to be back in February for the ‘Kiss the Cook’ drive. In that time, I will refocus my attention to my studies so that I may graduate in the spring.” He closed his folder and smiled at them all. “I wish you safe travels home, and good evening.”

He exited the stage on Diedrich’s side, following his psychologist and gardener to the door on his right. It led to a small hallway that would then lead to where he could meet up with his aunt and Sebastian. The two of them were already there, and Ann grabbed him, squeezing her arms around him and kissing him soundly on the forehead.

The teen groaned, rubbing at the spot where he knew a bright red lip print was. She chuckled at him and helped, saying proudly, “You were amazing, Ciel! I wish you could’ve seen yourself standing onstage with your combed hair and your pressed suit.” She pressed her palms into his cheeks so that they squished together. “To think you’ll be doing that all the time in a few years when you release a new toy or are hosting a charity event!”

“Aunt Ann,” he managed, “you’re hurting my face.”

She let him go but still smiled. It was so much like Rachel’s smile- easy, motherly, and just a tad smug- that he had to take the step forward to wrap his arms around her. With his face buried in a dark green coat, he almost could pretend that it was his mother instead of her sister.

Ann, ever since the incident at the news station, had refused to wear red clothes. She had insisted that it was perfectly fine, that it was starting to grow on her, but he hated her in it. It wasn’t that she looked bad- he doubted that was humanly possible- but it was the simple fact that everyone called her Madam Red for a reason. She wore crimson and crimson only. Even her scrubs were a lighter but definite shade of red, and it was jarring to see her in anything else. To know that it was his fault that she’d stopped wearing it made him feel even worse.

He pulled away and turned to Mey Rin. “Do you think you could hunt down Arthur for me?” he asked. “I was thinking that I could help him a bit more in his efforts to make a foothold there.” A strictly internet newspaper had started recently and was already gaining popularity. However, they needed a business reporter; Ciel decided that they needed one with experience already in the field and some connection to some of the big names. Of course, Arthur had been very reluctant to accept something that was so much of a step up from what he used to do, but Ciel promised him that the former assistant would do well at his new job and gave him his word as a Phantomhive.

So, he was giving him as many opportunities as possible. Giving him the last question ensured people would remember his name. Now, he would also be the only one to get a photo of Ciel offstage.

The shy reporter arrived shortly after Mey left for him, and Ciel pointed to the camera hanging around his neck. “Does that just take video?” the teen asked with a smirk. 

Arthur’s mouth dropped open, but he recovered quickly. “N-no, it takes photos as well. Is that why you called me back here?”

Ciel put a finger to his lips. “No, of course not. You walked out of the conference room this way and just happened upon our little party. At least, that’s what you’ll say so that it doesn’t look like I’m playing favourites.”

“But, why, sir?” The reporter fiddled with his camera, looking unsure. “I mean, all I did for you was assist you that day, and I would figure you’d hate me after all of that.”

“Of course not,” Ciel assured him. “The only people I hate are the ones who allowed me to be put in that situation, and you had nothing to do with me being triggered.” He walked over to Aunt Ann, leaning slightly against her and managing a believable smile. “Now, go ahead. Continue making headway in the news world. I might need your help down the road anyways.”

They posed for a few photos, attempting to look as candid as possible. Ann giggled at one point and they had to redo a shot, but they turned out pretty good. Ciel nodded and patted Arthur on the shoulder as a farewell before heading back towards the doors that would lead to Lenina. He heard Ann and Arthur talking, something about her “good side.”

Behind him, Diedrich cleared his throat, seeming annoyed at the delay. After all, his aunt was riding with the psychologist. He was starting to get puzzled over the willing arrangement, especially since it seemed like an overnight development. However, it was possible that he’d missed signs of them growing closer for a while now.

 _Aunt Ann and Diedrich?_ he mused as he pulled himself into the saddle. Lenina accepted him readily, the practice now routine for the two of them. Alan and Eric would be proud. _Well, I can think of a worse pair_ , he decided, looking between the bitter and flamboyant doctors. Ann laughed at something Diedrich said, opening the door to his neat little Audi, and her driver rolled his eyes at her. Ciel didn’t miss the small smile that touched the German’s lips when the redhead was out of sight, however.

_Isn’t February supposed to be the month of love?_

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sebastian held up a black feather number to his face, feeling silly dressed up in the billowing cloaks and clicking heels that Madam Red had thrown together for him. The masquerade was starting to pick up, with more of the public showing up rather than a few wealthy individuals in town. He’d lost track of Ciel in the crowd, but he was able to hold onto the boy’s aunt.

She was wearing a cream, corseted dress with a hoop skirt that went all the way down to beige heels. Her brown and olive mask covered the top half of her face, unlike the teacher’s which covered the left half. She looked rather stunning, even if her normal shade of red was missing. She hadn’t quite explained her sudden reluctance to wear the colour, but he wasn’t willing to risk the sudden easing of tension between them.

Ann poured herself a glass of water, and he accepted one of the flutes of apple cider from an attendant. All of them were students from the local high school’s food classes, another group that Ciel was donating money to for their help. Sebastian wondered briefly if the teen’s charitable nature normally made such a frequent appearance. It seemed like every other day he was finding another way to help _someone_.

“Say,” he began, getting Madam Red’s attention. “Does Ciel usually make so much of an effort to help people?”

She stared at him for a moment in confusion before seeing him glance at the caterers. Her mouth opened wide in understanding, and she nodded with a smile. “Yeah, it’s something that happened often with his parents, and he caught the bug as well.” The redhead shrugged and gestured to the large party. “This is his way of giving back. He used to do it in quieter ways, mind you, but he still made sizable donations to various groups in the area that support the youth and such.”

“I always thought he was just a brat,” Sebastian admitted before taking a sip of cider.

Thankfully, Ann laughed. “He’s still a brat, but he’s like an onion.”

“Layers.” Sebastian smirked at her reference and nodded. “Yes, I’m beginning to see that more and more every day. Just when I think I have him figured out, he throws a curve ball.”

“Ah, well, I’ve just learned to roll with it, no matter what.” The night’s chill wormed its way under Sebastian’s cloaks, and he wondered how on earth she could wear something sleeveless like that and not be cold.

He looked up at the sky, mournful that the stars weren’t visible behind the clouds. The forecast predicted the temperature to drop low enough to snow soon, and Sebastian wondered when winter started coming so early in the year. The thick knot of bodies near the centre of the park exuded a certain amount of warmth, but they weren’t close enough to feel its effect. So, he rubbed his palms over the fabric of his sleeves and hoped friction would provide him with some warmth.

“Try the hot chocolate,” came a very smug voice from the crowd, and Sebastian looked down to see his student approaching, mug in hand. “That is, if you’re cold.”

“The hot chocolate sounds lovely,” Sebastian agreed, unwilling to play games. The evening was nice, despite the cold, and he wanted to have a good time. “Where is it?”

“The other side, unfortunately,” Ciel lamented, and Madam Red set her water down. The teen, sensing that they were about to be chaperoned, bristled in apprehension. “Uh, Aunt Ann, I think Diedrich was looking for you. He said something about promising you something?”

Sebastian glanced at the doctor, whose face was suddenly dusted with a very obvious red. “Yes, of course,” she replied, looking around for the mentioned psychologist. She must’ve caught sight of him because she started heading towards the cars. Her red eyes latched back onto Ciel and Sebastian, and she smiled at them. “You two have fun and stay safe. Don’t forget that we’re meeting back up at the hotel around midnight. If you’re not there, I’m sending a search party.”

“Yes, Aunt Ann,” Ciel droned, rolling his eyes. His teacher almost laughed at the sight, but he suspected neither of them would appreciate it. After they were relatively alone, Ciel smiled easily at the older man, putting his hand on his hip.

The senior wore a black mask that covered his forehead before curving down to cover his right eye and cheekbone. It was made completely of leather with grey and blue stitching around the eye that made it look darker. He coupled this mask with a suit of black velvet and silver trimmings and silver undershirt. Ciel had finished it all off with black Madison ankle boots, which were shined to perfection. 

He’d been really proud of the outfit earlier that evening, so Sebastian smiled back and complimented, “You look very dashing, my lord.”

Ciel smirked even more but otherwise didn’t express any outward hints of pride. “Why, thank you. You look very menacing in that outfit, Mr. Michaelis. Like a demon about to snatch up his victim.”

 _A demon, eh? Well, be careful before this demon snatches up your soul for being so disrespectful._ He still maintained his happy expression and instead approached the teen. “So, hot chocolate.”

Ciel’s smirk wavered. “I didn’t mean demon as a bad thing,” he explained as they walked. “You look pretty good in your outfit as well.” 

“Thank you.” The teacher looked ahead, trying to make sure that the two of them together didn’t raise any brows. “I apologise for the moment, Ciel, but I doubt you want any of your guests to suspect anything, now do you?”

"What's the point of masks if you can't hide from the public eye?" Ciel mused aloud but didn't comment further. However, he did reach out for Sebastian, grabbing a hold of the older man’s cloak and using that to keep close to him close as they weaved through the crowd. 

They made it over to the hot chocolate vender, a bespectacled little thing who offered them both a heavy mug of the rich drink with an easy smile. Sebastian accepted it gratefully, grabbing some money from his pocket to shove into the tip jar. Though he was unsure if the tips went to the student or the program, he figured that either way it was a small contribution to make for standing out in the cold giving other people hot drinks and having none for yourself.

The two of them made their way to an unoccupied bench to sit and sip their drinks. Ciel went surprisingly slow for someone with such a sweet tooth, but the teacher figured that he was smart enough to realise that drinking it too early would mean he would run out faster. Sebastian sipped his sparingly as well, looking out into the crowd to watch people dancing to the latest hits as well as the occasional Halloween song. Though it was already the first day of November, All Hallows Eve was still in the air.

The Phantomhive household had been very busy the day before. After all, for a sweets company, Halloween was one of the most important times of the year. Ciel and Madam Red had entered the trunk or treat, giving out all the Funtom candy that they could find left on the shelves as well as some homemade cake pops that Sebastian had made. The teacher had showed up halfway through, bringing dinner and another round of cake pops after the first batch had been cleaned out. Thankfully, the press had been little to none, and all the children had gotten enough candy to fill their buckets tenfold.

Ciel and Angelina had gone as a circus troupe- him in black and blue and her in green and yellow. Sebastian had copped out and bought fake fangs at the Halloween shop downtown, which had gotten him boos and hisses from the over the top Phantomhives. Though, Finny offering up his secret stash of body glitter and suggesting that he go as a _Twilight_ parody had gotten lots of laughs.

Needless to say, he’d spent half the night speaking in monotone and calling Ciel a “spider monkey.”

Said spider monkey inched closer to him, shivering again. With a small sigh, Sebastian complied, his mug switching hands so he could wrap an arm around the tiny body and pull Ciel close to his warmth. The teen hummed softly, and Sebastian smiled down at him.

They eventually finished their beverages, and Ciel set his mug down to wrap his arms around his teacher’s back. His cold face buried into the warm folds of his cloak, making Sebastian laugh. He freed up his other hand as well to pull him into his teacher’s lap, and blue eyes looked up in shock.

 _This is okay_ , Sebastian thought to himself. _No one can see us, and no one who looks will think this is wrong. This isn’t wrong. Keeping him warm isn’t wrong._

 _Oh, come on_ , a voice that sounded a bit like Finny’s whined in his head. _Please tell me that you recognise that you just pulled him into your lap for more reasons than wanting to keep him warm._ He looked into the trusting face, sensing that he was crossing lines but unable to bring himself to stop. Ciel was warm in his arms, his weight comfortable and simple as his body pressed against Sebastian’s. It was so easy to see him as just another adult, another person out in that world that wanted him and he wanted back.

Jesus, did he just admit that he wanted Ciel?

He pressed his face into the teen’s shoulder and breathed deeply. The fabric of his suit smelled like chocolate already, just like the pale skin that was peeking out above the collar. He pressed his nose against it, trying to calm his racing heart, but it continued to beat heavily against his ribs. Sebastian squeezed Ciel tighter to his body, and the younger man whined softly, tiny hands clenching around his shoulders for support.

“I’m sorry,” the teacher murmured, closing his eyes and taking deep breaths. “I have no idea what’s wrong with me. I can’t help it, but it’s like-”

“Shhh.” Ciel’s voice was soft, and he obeyed, allowing still warm fingers to cup his cheek and pull his face up to his student’s. He searched that pale face, trying to find signs of joy or even perhaps anger. Ciel would no doubt think that he was leading the teen on, even if he wasn’t. At least, he didn’t think he was.

Before his thoughts could go any further, Ciel shushed him again, pinching his cheek a little. “Hey,” he finally asked Sebastian, sounding more like the adult in this situation. “Let’s go dance, yes?”

_Dancing. Ciel can’t dance, but I can. I can show him how to dance, yes. I’m his teacher. That’s allowed._

He nodded, and Ciel copied him. Slowly, like he was worried he’d scared his teacher off if he moved too fast, he slid from Sebastian’s lap and stood up. He then grabbed both of the larger hands sitting on the older man’s lap and used them to bring him flush to the teen’s chest. Sebastian stared down into crystal blue, bright even against all that dark leather. 

_Leather looks good on him; it’s a good contrast his pale skin. I’m glad I can see both of his eyes though. They are such a lovely colour, and it suits him oh so well._ His palms itched where they were in Ciel’s own. Sebastian looked down at them, recognising what they were craving. He slowly pulled one free. _I wonder if he’d mind if I touched him,_ he thought absently.

Unable to contain himself, he reached up to stroke his fingers along that soft cheek, trailing his hand from there down a creamy jaw and to a velvet shoulder. Ciel stood silently, watching Sebastian move as if he knew that the teacher needed to this out for himself and couldn’t be rushed into it. His hand slid down the curve of his shoulder and down to one of those pale hands, combing his fingers through the teen’s thin ones and staring at their joined hands in slight awe.

“Sebastian,” Ciel murmured. “It’s okay. I promise it’s okay.” He tugged just a bit, and the teacher followed his student to the small group of bodies nearby. The band that was in the centre of the park was close enough for them to hear, and Sebastian used that to set the rhythm, resting his other hand on Ciel’s hip and bringing his body closer.

They swayed to the music, moving languidly to the slow tempo. The man crooned into the microphone, singing of love that lasted for hundreds of years, and Sebastian was thankful that it seemed like the band was determined to play dance music for a bit rather than grinding anthems.

Bodies intertwined, ruby locked onto sapphire as their breath mingled in the short space between their mouths. Rather than his shoulder, Ciel had cupped his hand around the crook of Sebastian’s neck, warm hand pressing to chilling flesh. He was sure the teen could feel his racing pulse even there, and he took several calming breaths. 

Sebastian led them into another step as the song changed, this one bittersweet but still slow, still full of love. There weren’t any words, save some vocalising, but they moved easily to the music despite. They moved effortlessly, the teen allowing to Sebastian to completely take control and letting his body be moved according to his teacher’s ministrations. They didn’t say a word, the spell too thick around them for either one to risk breaking it with a careless word. 

The words in the song had started, and Sebastian realised he knew the song. He enjoyed the singer’s version, even if the original was much sweeter. The words fit them, and he smiled a bit down at his student. 

_I promise I’ll do better._

Sebastian let the words bind him, determined to hold his precious boy in his arms and let the world fade away so it was just the two of them and no one else. No one around them glanced sideway at the pair, and he was thankful. He could keep his eyes on the teen in his arms, worship his student without feeling guilty. Even if it was just for tonight, he wouldn’t let himself feel guilty.

Ciel’s mouth opened to lick his dry lips, and Sebastian watched the movement.

 _It would be so easy to just lean down and press my lips against his_ , the teacher realised, and his heart thumped faster. _And he would taste so sweet, like a sweet, sweet nectar. Or rich chocolate._ His nose brushed against Ciel’s, and he squeezed his eyes shut, tilting his face up to press his lips against the small, rounded tip. The tiny hand at his neck fisted bits of his cloak in trembling palms, and he opened his eyes to see Ciel’s pleading look.

“Not today,” he murmured, and his own heart screaming in protest. But his head was spinning. He was still scared, still scared that all of it would be disastrous. The group might not care if they were dancing, but kissing might make them look. They might look and never look away, unable to tear their gazes away as they caught them red-handed.

He couldn’t ruin everything by being hasty. He couldn’t lose Ciel. “Not yet,” he begged the boy, pressing his forehead against the leather covered one, “please.”

The teen bit his lip but agreed. “Don’t leave me tonight,” he replied, pleading himself. “I don’t care what we have to do to manage it, but I need to at least be in the same room as you tonight.”

Sebastian nodded. They both knew that in the morning, the teacher would wake up, would realise his mistake, and put the walls back up, but at least they could have tonight.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Diedrich saw them, even if Ann didn’t. No, her back was turned to the swaying pair, which he was thankful for. He’d gotten a chance to be alone with her again, and he selfishly keep her attention focused on him and not her nephew dancing with his teacher a hundred feet away.

“Dee?” Her voice drew his attention back to her face. He smiled at her, making sure to look sheepish. The nickname had begun on the ride home from the press conference, and he couldn’t bring himself to make her stop. The only two people in the world before Angelina that had called him that were his mother and Mole, and both of them were dead.

As illogical as it sounded, the nickname made him anxious, and he hated to think that it was a possible trend that the people he’d let in close enough to call him that dropped like flies.

“Sorry,” he apologised, taking her hand in his. He made a small noise at how cold it was and immediately looked around for a hot apple cider vender. She laughed at his concern, but he just scowled. “And when were you going to tell me that you really were cold?” he demanded.

“I’m fine,” she assured him. “Honestly, don’t worry about it.” She paused, and his heart skipped a beat as a sly expression crossed her face. “Unless, you wanted to help keep me _warm_?” With the last word, she pressed her body against his and waggled her eyebrows.

_Well, it’s not like I would complain about that_ , he mused but immediately struck it from his head. It would be extremely inappropriate to have sex with her in such a public place, and there was no way they would leave Ciel alone.

_But he wouldn’t be alone_ , that little devil on his shoulder reminded him. _And he’s having fun with Sebastian dancing. Haven’t you been hoping that the boy makes some sort of move in one direction or the other concerning his teacher ever since the incident near the beginning of the month? Well, he’s made his move, and you’re fine with it. So, get a move on, old man!_

But Ann laughed at his growing blush and stepped back a bit to give him some room. “Don’t worry. I know how you stoic types positively turn bright red at the mention of _you-know-what_ ,” she told him in a conspirator’s whisper, like they were middle schoolers instead of adults reaching closer and closer to their mid-thirties or, dare he admit it, forties.

“I’m not some squeamish child,” he argued, and she grinned at him, obviously not believing him. “I’m _not_.”

She shrugged and let go of him. He watched in slight horror as she moved further and further away from him, but his eyes dropped to latch onto her rocking hips, tantalizing him as she moved. Ann was baiting him, the vixen.

His theory was confirmed when she paused and said over her shoulder, “I suppose I don’t get to see you turn that lovely shade of red after all. Too bad, I was really looking forward to it.”

_This damn woman is going to be the death of me_ , he fumed angrily, chasing after her. He saw the triumphant look on her face and decided that he would show her. After all, he may be German, but the stereotype that she was trying to perpetuate- that those from the motherland were cold and awkward when it came to sensual topics- was about as far from the truth as possible.

So, he pinched her ass, smirking when she yelped and looked at him in shock. “Now who’s turning red?” he teased quietly, brushing his thumb along the dusting of pink that was getting darker in her cheeks. Her mouth dropped open in shock, and he laughed at her. He then raised an eyebrow, dropping his voice low so that his words only reached her flushed ears.

“So, are we going to _you-know-what_ or what?”

She smacked his arm with her purse, looking shocked that he’d say such a thing. “Diedrich! Have you been drinking or something tonight?” she demanded. “You’re more ornery than usual.”

He shrugged, winking at her. “I might have had one or two of the warm ales near the food. It doesn’t matter.” His attention was drawn back to the dance floor, recognising the swing song that the band was playing now and feeling a rush of confidence overwhelm him. “What does matter,” he continued, “is that you and I haven’t danced at all yet, and that is a grave injustice.”

Angelina rolled her eyes, but the dark smile that spread her lips assured him that he could drag her closer to the stage and she wouldn’t complain.

A slight breeze ran through the night, lifting his hair and warming him rather than the chilling gusts that had been blowing the past hour. He looked up at the sky for just a moment as they were walking, and what he saw made his breath hitch in his throat.

A shooting star streaked across the sky, followed by another.

“Ann, look,” he whispered, pausing in an empty space. She obeyed, following his gaze up to the sky. More stars- _meteors_ , a distant part of his mind corrected, but he ignored it- were burning across the sky, reaching for the heavens.

All the while, the warm breeze comforted him, lifted his heart, and stirred an emotion he hadn’t felt for eight years. It wasn’t a simple emotion like happiness or anger, but rather a concoction that only one person had previously been able to produce.

Even now, his wingman was shoving him in the right direction.

He pressed a kiss to Ann’s hand, still looking up at the stars and feeling true happiness for the first time in a long time.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Snow fell on the buildings in town, silent confetti to celebrate almost a month of hosting Ciel Phantomhive.

He looked up at the grey clouds, willing them to bring it down heavier, to blanket the world in its quiet purity and remind people what the true reason why white was the colour of innocence.

Blue eyes set in a face of milky white purity- not a blemish to mar the perfection.

He looked back to the slow convoy that was moving down the empty streets, a boy on horseback after eight years on his own. His mouth was set in a firm line, so different than the day that they first met. No, the shining joy that had bloomed from a happy childhood was tarnished by an adolescence of misery.

And it was all the better.

He took a sip of his cider- a memento from a night watching his darling Ciel- and let the taste of it carry more weight than any normal drink from his fridge.

Ciel wouldn’t remember him. It didn’t surprise him, honestly, but it still hurt just a little, especially after years of never being able to forget the boy. Years of looking for glimpses of those blue eyes.

As the progression made its way closer to his home, he stepped inside his door, blending into the shadows and watching from the security of his porch. The aunt was overprotective, but that was okay. Someone needed to keep the boy from any more harm.

Someone needed to keep him safe from the man in black.

Black. Only the darkest souls bothered with such a colour. It was so devoid of life, sucking all the bright colours into its depths and masking them all with its tar-like appearance. It was fitting that the man who threatened to destroy Ciel purity would wear such a despicable colour.

No, he had to save Ciel, save him from the man in black. Perhaps from there he could ensure that the boy’s purity was enhanced, not tainted.

He’d gotten so close, and now he would succeed after years of being apart. He could feel it in his bones.

“This is going to be a good year,” he whispered, his eyes locked on the tiny frame on top of Lenina, the horse. “A very good year indeed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Arthur has a job! Arthur has a job! I figured, after how much Sebastian worked towards helping him in the manga/anime, Ciel would try to help him carve out a place in the world in here. :)
> 
> Yay! Dancing! Cuties! Look at them being all adorable and dancing together and being flirtatious! C: I tried to push Sebastian closer and closer towards actually admitting and acting on his feelings, and I feel like this is the step I needed, er, he needed.
> 
> And who is that guy?? 
> 
> Next time, Thanksgiving! And there will be much to be thankful for. ;)
> 
> P.S. Two of the songs were from an artist that goes by _Sleeping at Last_. (I'm pretty sure it's the one guy, but don't quote me on that.)


	14. New Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The start of new traditions and a new life.

He woke in a cold sweat, heart racing in his chest as his eyes popped open. Blue eyes darted around the room to make sure that he truly was safe, that it was his room that he was in and not the back of a van.

He’d dreamt that the man who had tried to take him had gotten out of jail and had immediately found him at his house. Aunt Ann and Sebastian hadn’t been able to save him before the freak had thrown him in the back of an ambulance, of all things. Wherever Ciel’s sub-consciousness had planned for them to go, he had no idea. He’d woken up as soon as the engine had started.

Ciel pressed his hands to his face, wondering why the hell he couldn’t have normal dreams like a normal person. No, he had to have nightmares about being abducted, about that creep actually succeeding in whatever he had planned, and his body was covered in a thin layer of sweat. The teen rolled his eyes and forced himself out of bed. He had things to do today, and getting scared over a dream wasn’t on the list.

They’d come home a few weeks ago, on the second of November, and life at the manor was unbearably slow. They were back to lessons nearly every day, and Sebastian had admonished him more than once for zoning out during a lecture. He couldn’t help but look back on the time spent in town- the excitement of being able to travel to the nearest convenience store for trivial things or to the bank to take out money to go shopping later or maybe even pop in to see his aunt in little under an hour’s walk along the bustling streets. At least his teacher had been sympathetic and had yet to bring up his inability to focus to his aunt. Or, perhaps, he was feeling more guilty than sympathetic.

Honestly, he hadn’t been surprised to wake up alone the morning after the masquerade party. Everyone had already been asleep by the time they got home at midnight, both doors locked. Sebastian suggested that Ciel sleep in his room, saying that they could use the excuse of not wanting to wake anyone if his aunt asked. They’d shared a bed, even if they didn’t touch or even face the same direction before falling asleep. The teen had woken up around two in the morning, shaken from a nightmare but wrapped up in his teacher’s arms, and he’d fallen back asleep quickly thanks to the sound of the older man’s heartbeat.

But three hours later, when his aunt had knocked on the door to wake them so they could travel back to the manor, Sebastian was already downstairs. He’d told the adults that he’d taken the other bed, which Ciel couldn’t blame him for; however, he’d avoided even looking at the teen all morning, choosing to drive behind Finny rather in front or behind Ciel. Then, he’d immediately slipped back into his “I’m your teacher and you’re my student” persona. He didn’t avoid his student anymore, but he didn’t show any extra affection like he had while they were in town. Occasionally, he offered to let Ciel help with breakfast or would join the teen for chess matches, but otherwise, they rarely had one-on-one time outside their lessons.

He supposed that he couldn’t blame the man. At home, the number of eyes watching didn’t change, but the room they had to be alone was limited. Aunt Ann could pop up in the study during one of their matches and catch something they didn’t want heard, or Mey could catch them in Ciel’s room when she went up to change sheets. It was better to be cautious, but it was so frustrating.

So, Ciel bit his tongue and accepted it for now.

The cold shower was nice on his flushed skin. His heart was slowing down finally, and he was able to breathe as the water rushed down on him. Showering was a quick process by now, so he was soon out and dripping wet. A fresh towel was resting on his counter for him, and he used it to dry off. After he concluded that he wasn’t damp anymore, he wrapped it around his waist and ventured into his room to look for something _dressy_.

In all honesty, Ciel was looking forward to today, even if he refused to show anyone else. After the small slip that his teacher had made the other week, his aunt had begun a campaign to make it memorable in her usual fashion. 

_“So, what do you do for Thanksgiving?” Sebastian had asked one evening during dinner. “Any Phantomhive dinner stories?”_

_Aunt Ann had frowned and put her fork down. “Well, the first Thanksgiving after I got custody of Ciel, we had tried to go to his other aunt’s house, but you can guess how that went.”_

_It had went- in a word- horribly. Diedrich hadn’t even put the vehicle in drive before Ciel was gasping, begging him to turn the car off. Frances, Lizzy’s mom, had understood, even going as far as to come visit a few days later with her husband and kids. Ciel still hadn’t really been up for company, but they’d been able to spend a few hours together at least until his nerves were fried._

_Every year since, there was always some reason that came up that meant Ciel and Ann had spent the day alone with something take-out. It was always a bittersweet tradition, and he looked down at his plate as he was reminded it was mostly his fault that the past seven years’ worth of Thanksgivings had been spent in that manner. It wasn’t in his aunt’s nature to miss out on parties, and it hurt to think of all the other things she’d missed out on because of him._

_“But,” she continued. “I see no reason why we can’t hold a dinner here this year. I think Lizzy can come, even if her parents are out of town at the moment. We can invite other people, too.” When Ciel looked up, she smiled brightly at him. “How does that sound, sweetie?”_

_“Sure,” he murmured, awestruck. “We can do that.”_

_He swore that Sebastian was smirking internally, even if his face was pleasantly blank. “Okay, then, Bard,” the teacher said, and the blonde in question looked up. “I hope we can get our hands on a large turkey for this year. I think we’ll need plenty of meat.”_

Officially, Lizzy, Diedrich, Agni, Soma, and Grell were coming. It was quite possible that Alan and Eric, who apparently spent Thanksgiving alone a lot as well, would show up at some point, but the former was still watching his health after a small round in the hospital. His aunt had also hinted that someone else would be coming, but that was all she would say.

He slipped into some boxers and a white undershirt before pulling out a violet shirt that Nina Hopkins had sent over. Like Arthur, she had left the news station soon after his incident there, stating that they’d been holding her down for years and it was finally time to open her own shop downtown. He’d visited after she first opened to buy his outfit for the masquerade, and she had insisted he take a few other things she’d made. 

It was a simple outfit really- white shirt with a grape coloured suit jacket, vest, and slacks as well as a plum bowtie- but the way it was cut that fit his form and made him look just a tinsy bit more like the adult he was supposed to be officially in a little over two weeks. He made sure to also comb his hair to make sure it stayed flat on his head throughout the day. The last thing he needed was for Aunt Ann to randomly take pictures and have dozens of photos of his hair misbehaving.

Someone knocked on his door as he fiddled with his tie, and he called, “Come in.”

The door opened, and Finny popped his head in, looking anywhere but the teen. They still hadn’t spoken since that morning in the diner, when he’d stormed out, and Ciel had to admit he hated seeing the sad look that had passed over the gardener’s eyes. He’d taken to staying outside more during the days, only coming in for meals and to do deliveries, and it was obvious all the extra work he’d forced upon himself was causing Finny to lose weight.

So, when Finny simply said quietly, “Mr. Sebastian wants to see you,” and tried to leave, Ciel grabbed his shoulders.

“Hey, we need to talk, Finnian,” Ciel stated firmly, not leaving any room in his voice for arguments. He watched as turquoise eyes widened to the size of saucers, so he pulled the gardener in before he could protest.

Once they were alone, Ciel smiled at him, making sure that he knew he wasn’t in trouble. “We need to clear the air between us, okay? Because it’s awful to have such negative feelings hanging around.” The blonde nodded but didn’t speak, refusing to look up. The teen sighed and closed his eyes, knowing that he would have to swallow his pride if he would ever work this out to a normal basis again. “Finny, I’m sorry.”

Finny looked up, eyes bright with shock. “But, young master-”

“No, listen to me first,” Ciel cut in. “I need to say this before you start, and you need to hear this.” He smiled, glad that his friend smiled back, albeit dimmed. The teen refused to stand for this and nudged Finny like he did when he was younger. He got a laugh out of it, and he grinned.

With a sigh, he stared at his gardener before saying, “You’re like a brother to me, you know? I could always count on your happiness to make the bleak days a bit brighter.” They both knew what he was talking about, thankfully. He’d done his best to put that time behind him, and even using the word filled him with shame. “You stuck by my side, all five of you, even after all the other servants left me. The first time I woke you up with my screaming, you didn’t quit; you came upstairs the next morning with a vase full of lilies.

“And I understand, now that I’ve had time to think about it, that I was too harsh with you that morning at the diner. You were just doing what you thought would help me, like you always do, and I practically just yelled a bit ‘fuck you’ in your face.” A lump formed in his throat as he remembered how rude he’d been that morning. He knew that Finny had probably spent a while crying over it at the diner, and that had been on Ciel. “No matter what I say to explain my feelings behind my actions, it doesn’t excuse that. I never can excuse that, and all I can say is I’m sorry, Finny. I am so sorry.” His voice broke, even though he’d tried his best to avoid that. The last thing he needed to do was cry over it; that was Finny’s right.

Finny _was_ crying, but he quickly threw his arms around Ciel in a bone-crushing hug. “Oh, young master, it’s okay! I forgive you, absolutely! It’s my fault, too; I shouldn’t have even brought that up, especially considering how stressed you already were that day. Can you forgive me, too?”

He couldn’t breathe, but it was a small price to pay to hear Finnian happy again. “Of course.” He pulled away and sighed. “I suppose, deep down, all of that was because I was scared,” he admitted, making sure to lower his voice. “After all, if you had seen the two of us together like that, who knew who else had?”

The gardener nodded. “That is completely understandable. Though, I think the only thing that your aunt knows about is that day that you fell asleep with your head in Sebastian’s lap.” He tilted his head to the side. “So, did you want to talk about Mr. Sebastian? I can keep anything you say a secret.”

“Uh, well…” Ciel scratched his head. Making sure to comb it back down with his fingers, he went over to his desk and sat down. “Right now, not a whole lot is happening, which is pretty damn frustrating,” he admitted.

“But what about that day you two slept in the same room at the hotel?” Finny asked, confused. “I didn’t hear you guys arguing, and I’d have to say that was a very firm step forwards.”

“It was, and so was us dancing together at the ball,” Ciel informed him, face growing a little hotter at the memory. Finny’s jaw dropped, and the teen laughed at the comical sight. “I’m not lying.”

“Oh… my… _god_.” The blonde dropped down onto the bed and whispered furiously, “Tell me _everything_.”

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sebastian glanced over at the smartly dressed teen peeling potatoes beside him. After weeks of carefully giving Ciel harder and harder tasks in the kitchen, the teacher was happy to say that he could leave him alone with a simple recipe and could expect the dish to turn out well. Currently, his pupil was working diligently on mashed potatoes, something Madam Red had chuckled at.

He was currently stuffing the turkey, knowing that if he prepared it in advance that Bard would only need to put it in the oven and baste it whenever a timer went off. The chef was learning more and more to stop improvising and look to the chart Sebastian had made for which foods are prepared in which ways. Bacon, for instance, is listed under **stove top** and **skillet**. Turkey is on the chart, so Bard shouldn’t have too much trouble with it.

They avoided using beef for anything, even the sauerkraut that Diedrich had agreed to bring, out of respect of the two Indian doctors. They’d also incorporated a few things that were undoubtedly German that had made Sebastian a bit anxious. He didn’t want to screw up a dish that the psychologist had spent his childhood eating and insult him. Ann had insisted that the menu was _not_ just for Diedrich, but no one really believed her. It was obvious every Saturday that the two of them only really had eyes for each other at the moment. The arguing was near minimal, something Ciel had commented on one day. Both the doctors had only blushed and rushed into lunch.

Sebastian bumped casually into Ciel, testing the waters for contact after so long. He only got a watered down glare, but it was soon ruined by a smile. The older man smirked and went back to stuffing herbs under the skin of the turkey. At least one thing hadn’t changed.

He realised that he was once again sending mixed signals, but this was killing him. That night, when they were dancing, he’d finally admitted to himself that, yes, he wasn’t going to lie to himself anymore. He liked Ciel in a way that inappropriate for a teacher to feel about his student, and he didn’t care. He’d spent evenings clutching his pillow against his chest as a poor substitute for Ciel, and he had wasted water masturbating in the shower because his imagination would get the better of him. 

No longer did the idea of Ciel catching him alone in his room make him cringe; in fact, it made him excited as his mind worked through all the scenarios. He could simply tease the teen with barely there touches until Ciel swallowed his pride and begged him in that whining voice for Sebastian to _get on with it_. 

Or he could lure his student down there and handle it roughly, pushing the thin frame onto the bed and pull those slacks down his legs, tasting the soft skin of his milky thighs before pressing his mouth to other, more sensitive parts of his student’s body. He doubt that Ciel would complain, especially if he sounded convincing enough.

_Oh, dear, I’m sounding more and more like_ I’m _the teenager._ He shook his head gently to get rid of the thoughts that were making him step a bit closer to the counter to hide the growing bulge in his pants.

Yes, all of that would be wonderful, but he doubted anyone else in the house other than the two of them and Shipper McFinnian would feel the same. Ciel was over the age of consent but not in the eyes of the public, who honestly wouldn’t be fine with them dating unless Ciel was turning twenty in two weeks instead of eighteen. So, he decided to take a step back from the teen before they did something that would get them both in trouble. Besides, at the manor, what could they even do together? Work on chemistry while Sebastian taught him about physics? No, he would teach his student the important lessons he needed for college and going back into the world, and maybe after Sebastian was no longer Ciel’s teacher they could explore that avenue.

But graduation seemed years away rather than a little over six months. He wasn’t sure how many nights he would be able to spend alone when he knew that the one who could keep him wrap his arms around Sebastian and keep him warm instead was just a floor above him. Even after a couple of weeks, his patience was growing thin, and ever free moment was spent fantasising about the teen beside him.

Ciel bumped him back after a bit, and Sebastian laughed. Yes, they were still on good terms after all. The teacher finished the turkey and glanced at the clock. It was currently eleven in the morning, and Madam Red had declared that dinner would start around four. That meant he had roughly four hours until everything had to be _done_. He still had to cook the turkey, and the potatoes needed mashing. Green beans and yams could be finished in no time at all, and several of the guests had offered to bring something. All he needed to prepare now was the pies and German Black Forest cake that he’d promised his student he’d make.

“Say ‘cheese!’” Madam Red called from the doorway. Ciel instinctively glanced back, and Sebastian decided to humour her, which meant that they both were in the picture preparing dinner. “Perfect! Thanks!” She quickly left the room, knowing that Ciel couldn’t chase her when he was right in the middle of peeling his second to last potato.

“Dammit, Aunt Ann!” the teen shouted after her instead. Somewhere in the manor, they could hear her evil cackling, and her nephew groaned. “Shit, she’s going to put that on Facebook, isn’t she?”

“I believe so,” Sebastian told him, fighting back his smile. Yes, it was shaping up to be a very eventful day. However, as he glanced around the kitchen, he noticed that Bard was blissfully absent.

Slowly, to avoid startling him, he murmured near Ciel’s ear, “Can we talk soon? The two of us?”

Ciel focused on the potato, no doubt in hopes that Sebastian wouldn’t see the blush creeping so obviously up his pale face. “Of course, if that’s what you want. I’m not sure what we would talk about that we couldn’t talk about right here, but another time is perfect.”

_Oh, are we deciding to play the passive aggressive card? Tut, tut, Ciel. And you say you aren’t a child._ “Very well. What about tomorrow, when your aunt goes out for Black Friday shopping?”

Ciel glared at him now. “I thought you were showing me how to do the rising trot tomorrow.” They had planned to learn the new technique while she was gone in case Ciel fell off again, though Sebastian suspected that the teen would easily master it in little time. He had spent time with Lenina almost every day since they came back from town, saying sheepishly that he was worried she’d get lonely without him to ride her.

“Patience, patience,” Sebastian admonished. “She’ll be gone for several hours, and I promise that both can be accomplished.” He nudged Ciel and smiled. “Want to help me make the cake when we’re done with everything for dinner?”

“No,” Ciel said, looking pale. “I’ll probably screw something up. I don’t want to mess up your mojo and make it all dry or something.”

“Suit yourself.” The teacher watched him as he finished peeling his last potato. “Good, now chop them up into little chunks like we do in the morning to fry them. I’ll get the water started.”

They bustled about to finish the dishes, aided by an eager Bard hoping to make the cranberry sauce. Sebastian didn’t mind showing him how, preferring that to buy the canned gelatine. Finny popped in every so often, bringing fresh butternut squash and pumpkins from storage. His eyes widened in delight when Sebastian suggested he prepare them for dinner- rather, cut the squash into disks to be baked and remove the flesh of the pumpkin for pie. Eventually, they even had Mey and Madam Red in there, the two redheads on dish duty to make sure the load of pots and pans stayed at a minimum so they wouldn’t be added to the pile later after dinner.

All of them chatted easily, swapping childhood stories and the like, and Madam Red occasionally took photos to add to her Facebook album later. She was in shades of bronze and copper today, and Sebastian could tell that it was grating on Ciel’s nerves to look at her. He wondered just how long the teen could go on until he snapped. After all, they hadn’t started calling her Madam Red for nothing.

Diedrich arrived a little after three, hands full of his sauerkraut and a deep dish apple pie. He smiled easily at all of them, and it was a stark contrast to his usual frowns and playful smirks. Of course, he offered to help Sebastian with the cake, but Ciel nearly bit his head off.

“Don’t you remember the last time you made cake?” the teen demanded, in the process of making gravy for his potatoes. He still looked good in his little purple outfit, even after hours in the hot kitchen, and Sebastian was tempted to kiss his little flushed cheeks. "I don't care how much you enjoy baking; I would rather avoid you catching my shirt on fire again."

"That was because you stepped too close to the burner while I was melting chocolate for the icing. It wasn't while we were making cake," Diedrich argued with a scowl. Ciel ignored him and stirred his gravy, looking at the mixture with a small smile. "Well, fine, I'll leave it to Mr. Michaelis, but just wait until you try some of this pie, you brat."

_Brat?_ Sebastian glanced at Ciel, expecting him to launch an immediate attack against the psychologist, only to be surprised when the teen just rolled his eyes.

"Whatever, jerk." He set the spoon down and looked over at Sebastian. Their eyes met, and the teacher was glad that he could disguise the red in cheeks as a flush from the room. However, he suspected that, judging by the smirk that was there and gone in a moment, Ciel knew exactly what was going on, but the note of anger in those eyes told Sebastian that he didn't appreciate dancing around the issue like this.

After a few minutes more of standing around, Diedrich set the dishes down and assisted the redheads with the dishes, drying and putting them away after Madam Red rinsed them. They had a rather nice assembly line set up, and the knowledge that he had mixing bowls and measuring cups always available was a much needed assurance. After all, he hated getting so far in a recipe and having to improvise with measurements or something of the sort. It usually meant that the dish turned ot subpar.

He and Ciel continued their occasional nudging, usually trying to time it when the other was doing something mundane such as stirring or pouring batter into the pan. Bard was still on fruits and vegetables duty, steaming broccoli and carrot disks as well as slicing enough fruit to have a small platter to choose from. Madam Red had insisted that Ciel have at least a serving of each or _no dessert, mister, and I mean it_. Sebastian had chuckled at the whole ordeal, knowing that it was irking the teen to no end.

Soma and Dr. Agni arrived about half an hour after Diedrich, soon followed by Lizzy. Thankfully, Ciel was done with everything Sebastian had put him in charge of because he was tackled by the two ecstatic kidults. They all laughed as Soma and Lizzy simultaneously hugged the teen's thin frame, squeezing and poking various parts of his face.

"Look at you! You're so pink!" Lizzy squealed, pinching Ciel's cheeks with a wide grin. "And look at you in your little apron!"

"Wow, Ciel, if I had known having family dinners with you would be this great, I would've invited myself over years ago," Soma declared. Agni rubbed the back of his neck nervously, looking like he wanted to scold his assistant but not wanting to be mean. Sebastian had a sneaking suspicion that he spoiled the man too much. 

"We brought curry buns," Agni offered. "It was something that your father liked, and I figured you might as well, Ciel."

Blue eyes widened in excitement. "Is that the stuff made with chocolate?" Ciel asked, mind completely unfocused on the two leeches still attached to him and now completely trained on the prospect of something sweet. He truly was a child.

Agni chuckled and nodded, setting the large tray of curry buns on the counter where they were setting all the finished dishes. He looked over the spread and nodded. "I thank you for respecting our request to leave some dishes vegetarian, but it's most humbling that you completely avoided beef. I hate to think we restricted you from your normal practices."

Ciel waved him off. "Listen, we wanted you to feel comfortable here. Besides, Thanksgiving is about turkey anyways."

"Yes, and there's not a lot of us coming anyways," Madam Red told him with a smile. "So, we're not worried about having a bunch of variety. Besides, the past few years, we just order Thai food or maybe a pizza. There's really nothing that's a tradition anymore."

"Can this be a tradition?" Lizzy asked, eyes bright. "All of us together on Thanksgiving?"

_All of you_ , Sebastian silently corrected. He doubted that he would be allowed to come to Thanksgiving dinners after he was no longer teaching Ciel. There would be no reason to invite him.

His negative train of thought was cut off as he heard a rather excited, "Sebastian!"

_Oh, God, oh Lord, help me. Please tell me that I'm hallucinating and that is_ not _her voice._

Ah, but it was. Grell wrapped her arms around his waist before pinching his ass. "How's it going, good looking?" she purred in his ear, rubbing her body against his back. "Look at you in your sexy apron. If only that was the only thing you were wearing..."

"Down, girl," Ciel teased, but there was a certain, subtle bite in his tone. While Grell pulled away, Sebastian raised an eyebrow at his student. "I don't think William would be happy to see your arms around another man."

That earned him a sigh. "Yes, I suppose you're right, but he went off to visit family, and I've been so lonely." She collapsed against a free counter, making Lizzy giggle. "Oh, the woes of being an attractive lady with no man to keep her warm at night." She looked up as two more people walked into the kitchen and playfully rolled her eyes. "Yeah, and I had to pick up the gays this morning, so no luck there."

Alan laughed softly, brushing hair from his eyes. "She tried to flirt with Eric for all of five seconds. I couldn't help but laugh at his face." He smiled around at them. "Thank you for inviting us."

"Yeah, it's great to be part of a group," Eric said with a smirk. "Where do you want the mac 'n cheese?" Madam Red pointed a soaking hand towards the counter. "So, how's it going, you guys? Haven't heard anything from you since the trunk-or-treat."

That's right; Ciel had mentioned they'd stopped by. Apparently they'd brought up the car and had their tiny Prius nearly full of homemade chocolate. Sebastian hadn't gotten to see them since he'd been making cake pops still by then, but he was happy to see the frail looking brunette up and about. That incident in the hospital had worried all of them, especially since the pair of them kind of grew on all of them.

"But, even if they're unavailable," Grell said with a shrug, "Alan can actually talk boys with me, and that was fun." She shot a glance at Madam Red. "Told you that there are people in the world who can so go for some Chris Hemsworth."

"I never said no one likes him," the redhead retorted. "I just said _I_ can't imagine the appeal. I'm more of a Chris Evans girl myself."

"Mmm, Chris Evans," Lizzy moaned, practically drooling. They all laughed, and a lightness bloomed in Sebastian's chest. This was what it was like to have a family. His childhood had spent alone with just his mom to keep him company, and Thanksgiving had been a subdued affair. Of course, after starting this job, a few families had invited him to spend dinners with them, but they were normally awkward affairs. This, however, looked more and more like it was going to be just like a more energetic version of dinner with his mom.

Ciel nudged him, smiling fondly up at him and making that warm feeling grow. This was family. He bet that they would invite him next year without him even asking, just because this made it worth it.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

They were putting food on the table when Tanaka came in. His dark eyes were wide, but there was a smile on his face. Ciel stared at him in confusion as the steward went to his aunt and whispered in her ear. Madam Red's face immediately split into a wide grin, and she stood up from the table. Her crimson eyes found his, and he blinked. "Ciel," she purred, "if you'll follow me."

He glanced over at Sebastian and then Diedrich, both who just shrugged. It seemed that his aunt had kept this to herself, whatever it was. He set the cranberry sauce down near Alan's name card and wiped his hands on his apron before pulling it over his head and following his aunt. This wasn't looking good. Who knew who she'd invited or what surprise she had hidden up her sleeve?

He followed her out into the parlour, and he saw two people in the middle of the floor talking in whispers. As soon as he saw the wheelchair, however, his heart stopped in his chest.

"Sieglinde!" he shouted, unable to hold back his grin. She looked at him, green eyes large in her face but still full of the same joy as when he had last seen her. He ran right into her waiting arms and lifted her from the chair to squeeze her against his chest.

He hadn't seen her in so long, but it felt like eternity. She had been his best friend after the incident, the only person who could make him laugh in the pediatric ward with her goofy humour and her penchant for pranking nurses. The time that they'd spent together over the years had been short but so very meaningful. She was the first person to help him through the nights when he would wake up screaming. She was the one who had slipped her hand in his and squeezed it tight as they went through the trial of the girl who had led to his parents' death. She would make him laugh with her lewd jokes even when he was on the downward spiral. Sieglinde was there before even Ann was, emotionally anyways.

Yes, he'd felt something more than friendship for her at one point, but that had faded. Now, she was just a great friend that he'd missed over the years but was standing right in front of him.

Her feet were still horribly mangled from her accident all those years ago, but they were covered with black sandals to compliment her forest green and black dress. She dressed in mostly those two colours, so it was no surprise that he sometimes called her the "Green Witch" when he was mad at her. Her style was less frou-frou than he remembered , but she was in high school now, not intermediate.

"How are you?" he asked, looking down into her flushed cheeks.

She swatted him and rolled her eyes. "I was fine until my little lord picked me up. What am I a princess?" she teased. He laughed and settled her carefully back into her chair. Her guardian, a stern looking man named Wolfram, glared at Ciel before Sieglinde smacked him, too. "Oh, hush, you. You pick me up all the time, and you know it." She looked up at her friend and smiled prettily. "So, where's the food?"

They led her back into the dining room, and Ciel glared at them, daring anyone to look at Sieglinde like an invalid just because she was in a wheelchair. However, the only person who even looked in that direction was Alan, who nodded but didn't let his smile dim. Lizzy, however, squealed and leapt up from her chair to hug her. The two of them had tag-teamed a lot to torment Ciel when they were younger, much to his distaste.

"Oh my gosh! Sieglinde, how did you get here?” she demanded. “I’m so glad you came! It’s been forever! What’s going on?”

“Nothing much,” the freshman admitted with a smile. “School has kept me busy, but that won’t be a problem for much longer.”

“Oh?” Ciel inquired, pushing her towards the table. She moved into one of the chairs by herself, giggling when Wolfram _still_ fidgeted like he wanted to help her. “Are you dropping out?”

“Of course not!” the tall blonde snapped, glaring down at Ciel just like he always had. “Sieglinde takes school very importantly.” He crossed his arms over his chest but looked fondly down at his charge. “She’s graduating early.”

“Congratulations, honey!” Ann cheered as they all took their seats as well. “I always knew you were brilliant. Have you applied to any colleges?”

“Plenty, but I’m not sure yet where I want to go. The German government has offered to pay my full tuition if I major in biochemistry or engineering, but so has Oxford and Yale.”

“Oh, look how well you’re doing, even at your age!” his aunt cooed, but Diedrich cleared his throat. “What’s wrong?”

“Oh, nothing,” he replied, voice dripping with sarcasm, “I just figured that everyone would want to go ahead and get the blessing over with so we could eat.”

“Yes!” It seemed like the little green glutton had finally realised just how much food was on the table in front of her. “Let’s go ahead and say the blessing so we can eat! It looks delicious, Aunt Ann!”

“Sebastian, if you could please.” Diedrich gestured for him to speak, but it took a moment more for the teacher to come out of his own head.

Ruby eyes had been staring between Ciel and his neighbour- Sieglinde- since the girl had wheeled in. Though it was gone before he could get a good look, the teen swore he’d seen something akin to jealousy or perhaps fear flash across his teacher’s features. However, he couldn’t for the life of him figure out why.

Sebastian didn’t stutter for too long, though, and he soon said, “Let’s bow our heads. I’ll try to keep it secular.” Ciel followed everyone’s lead, closing his eyes and tilting his face towards his lap. “Thank you for giving us this chance to come together, for family and friends to be reunited at the same table. Thank you for the many blessings you have giving us this year and for allowing everyone at this table another Thanksgiving on this earth. Please watch over us as we eat this meal, and stay with us throughout the winter season to come.”

“And thank you for new friends,” Ciel added, looking not only at his teacher but at Eric and Alan as well. “They add mirth to our table and joy to our hearts.”

“Aww,” Lizzy gushed playfully, but there was a sniffle down the table.

Of course, Bard, Finny, and Mey were all tearing up a bit. “Look at this,” Mey croaked. “It’s like dinner back with the master and mistress again. One… big… _happy family_.”

“Who knew the young master could be so eloquent!” Finny cried, wiping at his eyes with his fists and making Ciel groan. A slate head hit the table.

“It won’t be long until he’s got his own family to say a blessing to around the table, and then we’ll really be in trouble, won’t we?” Mey added.

“Tiny Ciels!” Bard looked absolutely stunned. “They’ll be little Ciel children running around again, squeezing into the dumbwaiter and sliding down the banisters.”

“Would you guys stop?” Ciel begged, feeling his face turn red. “Who even said I want children?”

Ann gasped, horrified that he would even suggest that. “Of course you’re going to have children! Are you telling me you aren’t going to give me little grandchildren to spoil, you jerk?”

“Grandchildren?” Ciel repeated, eyes going wide. Had that been a slip of the tongue or did she really just imply that she thought of him…

He blinked but then nodded. Without meaning to, he glanced at Sebastian, who was peeked at him, despite being in a conversation with Agni. “I’ll see what I can do,” he finally mumbled, looking down at his plate.

“So, Ciel,” Alan asked with a smile, “how is Lenina?”

_Lenina? Ah, yes, that’s right. Stupid me, how could I forget her?_ “We’re doing great. I try to make sure that either Finny or myself ride her at least an hour or more a day. After all the exercise we got in the city, I would hate to keep her cooped up all day here.” He took a sip of his water. “Though, would you possibly have a couple carriage horses that I could purchase?”

“We do, and I can connect you to a nice Amish company that specialises in buggies and carriages.” He tapped Eric’s shoulder, drawing his partner out of a conversation with Bard about the food still being passed around. “Hey, remind me to get a card for Ciel the next time we talk to Jacob, okay?”

“Yeah, babe, I’ll do that.” Ciel subdued his smile as he watched the blonde peck his lover on the cheek before grinning wildly. “Make sure you get something light, okay?”

“Of course, you worry-wart,” the brunette retorted with a smile. 

“Hey, Ciel, are you graduating this year, too?” Sieglinde asked, no doubt because the food hadn’t reached yet. Once it did, she wouldn’t come up for air until she had cleared her plate. “So, is the cute guy from your Facebook your new teacher?”

Ciel shushed her immediately, face going red as he glanced down where his aunt sat. However, her attention was focused on Grell, who was talking her ear off about William. He looked back at Sebastian, but _he_ was also focused elsewhere. 

With a tiny sigh, he shuffled closer to Sieglinde, murmuring, “We’ll talk about Mr. Michaelis later.” She frowned, no doubt to begin to argue with him about it, but then the line of food reached her, and it was all over.

He laughed as she filled her plate to the brim, taking a little of everything for himself as well. He passed it to Alan, liking the warm feeling that rushed through him when he realised how right Mey was. They _were_ like one big happy family, and he smiled to himself.

_Thank you_ , he told whatever being they’d addressed the blessing to. _Thank you for helping me find happiness again._

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

“Dammit!” she growled, throwing the next dress on her bed. There had to be one in here somewhere, at least one nice dress that wasn’t _red_.

Of course, she had to spill red wine on her last safe dress. And of course it had to be before they could take photos like she’d planned. She’d put off going to the dry cleaners until she went into town tomorrow so she could score some Black Friday discounts on the massive load of laundry she was bringing. Unless she wanted to wear a white shirt and her only pair of blue jeans in the nice family pictures, she had to find _something_ to wear.

A rational part of her knew that she wouldn’t trigger Ciel again, that he’d seen plenty of shades of red in the last few weeks, but there was still that small kernel of doubt. What if he saw her in all her red glory and had a flashback? What if the sight of her now made him sick?

Every time she looked at the mass of red fabric, she hated herself a little more.

There was a knock on her door, and she startled. After regaining her cool, she called, “Who is it?”

Diedrich poked his head in her room, frowning. “Hey, if you want these damn pictures, then I suggest you-” He cut off at the sight of her reddened cheeks and the huge stack of clothes on her bed. He entered the room and closed the door behind her, so Ann crossed her arms over her chest. She didn’t have time for whatever talk Diedrich felt they needed to have.

So, she went back to rifling through her closet, desperate to find at least a short dress that could work, even as he asked, “Whatcha doing?” in an annoying voice, like he had absolutely no idea.

“Baking a goddamn cake,” she snapped. “What does it look like I’m doing?” She gestured to the closet. “I am looking for another dress.”

He raised an eyebrow and stood by her bed. “But I see plenty of options here. What, are _none_ of these dresses good enough for the pictures? Maybe I should have put more effort in what I picked out if I knew the stakes were this high.”

She sent him a scathing look, hating how he had to speak like that, like he had no idea why she couldn’t wear those dresses. “You know damn well why I’m not putting any of _those_ on again.”

“No,” he replied sweetly. “I don’t actually. Would you mind explaining for me? Because I am completely confused why all these lovely dresses are never going to be worn again, especially since they look ravishing on you.” He smirked at her blush. Dammit, why didn’t his mother just drown him when he was a baby instead of curse Ann with his presence?

She sighed and flopped down on the bed, burying her face in her hands so she wouldn’t have to look at him. Damn him. Couldn’t he just help her look for a dress and not try to have some sort of intervention with her? No, he had to stick his nose in her business, like she was one of his patients.

She felt one of his warm hands settle on her back, rubbing soothing circles into tense muscles and offer support. She remembered him once telling her that making physical contact with Ciel would help, that it would help her nephew know even as he lost himself in his head that he wasn’t alone. Ann knew that the psychologist was trying it with her, and she didn’t have it in her to be mad at him.

In fact, she leaned sideways until she had her face pressed into his side. “I still love the colour red,” she admitted softly, “but…”

He caught her eye. “But? But what?”

“His eyes,” she whispered. “His eyes when he saw me that day in just red- I can’t get it out of my head.” A lump caught in her throat, and she squeezed her eyes shut. “I can’t risk causing him to regress further because of me again. I can’t hear him… _scream_ like he did because he thought that there was more fire.” Ann felt a pleasant shiver run down her spine as he gently scratched down her vertebrae. “He probably hates the colour- has probably hated it all this time and just couldn’t bring himself to tell me.”

Diedrich sat down beside her, pulling her close to him and allowing the warmth of his body to seep into her bones. How crazy it was that something like this comforted her now, rather than making her skin crawl.

“I think you’re selling Ciel short,” he told her quietly, “and I think doing this- changing such a distinguishable part of who you are- is hurting him more than helping him.”

“How?” she demanded. “Are the other colours worse?”

“No, of course not, but I doubt that red will trigger him.” He yanked a bit on her hair, more to draw her attention than to hurt her. “Your hair and eyes are red, and Mr. Michaelis also has red eyes. On top of that, red is a part of the colour scheme here at the manor. He’s surrounded by it! And he’s fine; he’s survived.”

“But if he goes through another episode?” she whimpered. “We could lose him more.”

“You wearing red wasn’t the only reason he started to disassociate back at the news station. He was already gone by the time you got to him.” Diedrich nudged her, and she looked up at him to see him smiling almost as brightly as he had in those photos of him and Vincent back in school. “You’re Madam _Red_ , not Madam Orange and Brown, Angelina, and it’s so unsettling to see you in anything but bright red.”

“Agreed,” Ciel said behind them, and they both bolted up from the bed so fast that she was sure she pulled something. He was smirking at their belated attempt to look inconspicuous, but he quickly sobered when his gaze drifted to the pile of red dresses. “Would you put one on already, Aunt Ann? We’re waiting for you.”

She frowned, searching his face for any signs of distress but finding none. “Are you sure?” Ann still asked quietly, even as her fingers itched to grab the nearest swatch of crimson and scurry to her bathroom with it. “You don’t have to do this for me, you know?”

Her nephew rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest. “Just put one on already. It’s not like there’s any reason why I would object.” She could’ve laughed at his attempt to appear nonchalant, but she felt like crying instead.

Ann was so glad Ciel was in her life.

She wrapped her arms around him before he could escape, squeezing him by the upper torso hard enough that he wheezed out, “Aunt Ann, please.”

“Thank you,” she whispered fiercely in his hair. She let go of him and pinched his cheek. “I mean it; thank you.”

He waved her off. “Whatever, red suits you better than any of those other colours. I’m just trying to restore the natural orders of things. Now, go put one on before Grell gropes Sebastian and we have an incident on our hands.” She nodded and moved to grab the first dress off the pile, but he stopped her. “Oh, and one more thing.” Ciel waited until both Diedrich and Ann were looking at him before a boyish grin spread across his face.

“ _Ann and Diedrich, sitting in a tree_ ,” he sung, and both adults gaped at him. “ _K-I-S-S-I-N-G_.”

“Ciel!”

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sebastian kept his normal distance as Ciel swung into Lenina’s saddle. They were going to attempt a rising trot today, the easier of the two trots. Then they could progress to a canter, then a gallop. Eventually, they’d get to the point where Ciel could go out and ride alone and no one would bat an eye, but they weren’t quite there yet.

Alan had said that she seemed to respect the teen when they’d visited her the day before. He’d actually spent a solid hour just cooing over her and noting how well they were taking care of her as well as making comments about this needing adjusting. For instance, it was obvious one of her shoes would need replaced soon, but Eric volunteered to come over one afternoon to do it for them.

“You gotta keep her happy, or else she’ll grow to hate you,” he’d informed them with a grin. “But Lenina’s always been easy to please, so don’t worry about it too much.”

Ciel stroked his horse’s mane, looking uneasy for a just a moment until he forced himself to relax. Then, after a moment’s pause, he started Lenina into a walk, firmly squeezing her sides as they’d done a thousand times already. She walked along the track that Finny had prepared so long ago, and it was like riding a bike. The gardener had also cleared off a long stretch of land the day before when Sebastian had declared he’d teach his student to trot, so there was plenty of room to go in a straight line and do turns if need be.

Sebastian walked alongside them, keeping his eyes on the horse and rider to ensure that he could get to either one in time in case there was an issue. “You both are doing _wünderbar_ ,” Sebastian teased, mind drifting to German after his student told him about Ann and Diedrich. He was glad those two had managed to find someone, even if it was a rather unlikely pair.

The teen laughed. “Better not let Sieglinde hear you say that; I’m sure your pronunciation was off.” Of course, Sebastian smiled back, not wanting Ciel to know just how unsettled that name made him. 

He was glad that his student got to see one of his best friends after years of going without, but the knowledge that the only other person Ciel apparently had developed feelings for was in fact a beautiful girl that had returned to the teen just in time for the holidays like something out a Hallmark movie unsettled the older man. She was not only intelligent enough to graduate three years early but also funny enough to make the whole table laugh with her antics. Worst of all, unlike Sebastian, the age gap between her and Ciel was only three years, and it seemed like her and Madam Red had bonded to the point that the doctor would eventually start pushing for the two of them to get together.

And if Ciel realised that she would be easier, what would Sebastian do? Yes, he liked his student, and yes, he knew that that student liked him back. However, what if those old feelings for the cute German genius came back, and Sebastian lost his chance? Ciel would marry her and have the two-point-five little Ciels running around, stealing the hearts of the servants and their “grandmother.”

He honestly wouldn’t blame Ciel if he did go to Sieglinde over him. After all, he needed someone like her at his side if he wanted to look nice at the head of Funtom- energetic, brilliant, beautiful, able to make a crowd laugh with little effort. How could that compare to a teacher who had only graduated early because of hard work, not intelligence? Worse yet, he was a man. Though the country was working towards being more accepting of the gay community, how would conservative parents feel about buying toys from a company headed by a bisexual man?

A small jolt of pain laced across his heart, but he continued to smile. There was no way Ciel could know how he was feeling, especially since that meant admitting that he had feelings for the teen. Right now, they had to focus on the riding lesson and not on their melodrama.

“All right,” Sebastian called to the two of them after about ten minutes of walking around to loosen up their muscles. “Go ahead and get her into a trot, okay? Now, do you remember what to do for the rising trot?”

“Essentially, stand in the stirrups when she pushes me up and sit back down between her pulling me up.”

Sebastian nodded. There was more to than that, but he gathered that the “essentially” was there to condense the information. “Remember not to rise more than she wants you to, okay?”

“Got it.” Ciel eased her towards the straight path, walking her along it until he firmly pressed his legs into her sides. Sebastian watched cautiously as she sped up, moving briskly at the pace that they needed her to but not in a panicked way that signalled she was upset.

And Ciel was doing wonderfully. He moved in time with her, rising and falling in the saddle as steadily as all the videos they’d watched to make see the professionals at work. He turned her at the edge of the patch and came back towards Sebastian, cheeks flushed but spread with a wide grin. It was obvious that he was having fun, and moving to faster gaits meant that eventually he could make it all the way to town and back in half a day rather than almost a full one.

It was beautiful, watching his hands move in subtle but firm motions, controlling the horse but also making sure to not pull too hard. She seemed to trust him almost completely as he controlled her, thundering down the lane and towards Sebastian. All he needed to do now was turn twice more, and they could be done for the day. Then, Sebastian could sit Ciel down in the garden and talk their situation out, move on with everything and perhaps even make a new step forward.

However, despite it being Friday, it seemed that Ciel was in for a Physics lesson.

Sebastian watched it in almost slow motion. A deer emerged from the woods, a couple dozen yards away from the horse and rider. Lenina seemed to realise what would happen if she didn’t stop, but Ciel had little time to figure out what to do before she abruptly halted. Since he had been in the rising position, he easily tumbled off of her back, narrowly missing the fleeing deer but landing heavily in the dirt.

“Ciel!” Sebastian moved without being aware of it, only knowing that he had to get to the teen to make sure he was okay. Ciel didn’t move from his position face-down in the grass, and fear struck his teacher hard. “Oh, god, Ciel, are you okay?” he asked, dropping down to his knees beside the boy. He gently turned him over, looking all over him for injuries.

Thankfully, it didn’t appear that he’d broken his nose, but there was a deep gash down his face oozing blood. Ciel blinked up at him before letting out a small moan, pain contorting his features. Sebastian panicked, feeling for any bones in his torso poking out against his skin. The last thing they needed was for his bruised ribs to break. He felt the teen trembling, and he looked into those blue eyes.

“Are you okay? Where does it hurt?”

“Face,” Ciel replied simply. “Shoulder.”

“Is that all?” his teacher demanded, sure that there was more than that.

“Breathing.” Ciel wheezed to prove his point. “Hurts to breathe.”

Sebastian felt like _he_ was going to have a panic attack. They still had no way to get Ciel to town to the hospital without sedating him, and he needed to be checked in case he had a concussion. He wondered if Dr. Agni was still there or not, but it was unlikely. While everyone had stayed the night after drinking for hours, many of them had made plans to leave at first light. 

“I’m going to call your aunt,” he told the still wheezing boy. “Are you okay with me lifting you? I can’t have you walking if you have a concussion, okay?

But Ciel shook his head. “‘M fine,” he mumbled, moving to sit up. “Feelin’ better.”

“You just face planted, Ciel!” He kept the boy down, glaring down at that stubborn face. “It’s my job to keep you safe, dammit, and I can’t have you injuring yourself further. Why would you be so reckless when it’s obvious you’re hurt?”

He watched as those blue eyes squeezed shut, but it didn’t work. The tears still streamed out. “Want to talk,” Ciel croaked, sounding miserable. “We have t’ talk; you said so.”

That’s right. Sebastian had said he needed to talk to Ciel today. How could he have forgotten so quickly? “Oh, precious boy,” Sebastian cooed, pulling the battered frame in to his arms as slowly and gently as possible. “We can talk later, after you’re examined. I promise.”

“No!” The teen breathed but it sounded like a gasp. “Now!” he got out, sounding more scared than furious. Sebastian bit his lip, trying to figure out how to convince Ciel to just wait. They didn’t have time to wait around if something was broken or there was internal damage.

But Ciel wasn’t budging. Sebastian sighed and nodded, looking into the bloody face that was breaking his heart to see. “I wanted to say it out loud, admit it to you so we can figure out what we should do from here.” He took a deep breath, allowing himself to summon all of his courage. He had to do this; they had to work things out between them, one way or the other.

“Ciel, I have feelings for you.” His student’s eyes widened into saucers, and Sebastian nodded. “Yes, the feelings I said I would never feel for you. I’m not sure if I could call it love or anything like that, but it’s more than a strong affection for one of my students.

“Being with you makes me happy. The night at the masquerade had to be one of the best nights of my life, and I realised that you were right, okay? I was scared to return your feelings because I was afraid of what society would do, not what I actually feel. I know that sounds corny as hell, but I can’t explain it without sounding stupid.

“It’s like, you smile at me, and the world lights up. The feel of your skin against mine makes my heart race, and I’ve spent nights wishing that the cold half of my bed was warmed by your body.” He pressed his forehead to Ciel’s as lightly as possible, closing his eyes and he relished in the contact. “But I don’t deserve you. I’m you’re teacher, a guy who couldn’t get hired at the schools and didn’t have the balls to keep going for it. We’d have to hide everything we do, keep everything we would be a secret from even your family. You don’t deserve that.” It hurt to admit it, but it was true. He had to make sure that he wasn’t under some illusion it would peaches and cream all the time.

“You deserve someone you can show off, someone who shows _you_ off.” _Someone like Sieglinde._ “Don’t let me hold you back from what you can have. You shouldn’t have to feel ashamed for who you like.”

“I don’t feel ashamed, and I doubt I ever will.” Ciel pressed his forehead into Sebastian’s as well. “I could give two damns about what we have to do to make this work; we’ll make it work.” At his teacher’s shocked expression, he just smiled and pressed his lips against the older man's cheek. “We’ll make it work, okay?

"You really don't mind that we'll have to hide from everyone?" he asked, anxiety prickling at his heart. "I mean, we can’t just hold hands at the table or kiss each other goodnight in plain view of your aunt. You'll have to lie to her, keep secrets, run around behind her back." He felt his forehead wrinkling with worry, but thin fingers smoothed out the skin.

"I would lie right to her face without a single regret if it meant that I could keep you warm at night," Ciel admitted, and Sebastian sighed softly when those plush lips kissed the wrinkle between his eyebrows. "I want this, no matter how many twists and turns we have to make to have it. You're worth it."

"So are you," Sebastian told him, and he quickly pecked Ciel's lips, a giddy feeling rising in him as he realised that this was actually happening. Ciel beamed up at him and grabbed him by the shoulders.

"You call that a kiss?" he demanded. "Come on, _Mr. Michaelis_ , teach me how to properly kiss my new boyfriend."

"Well, I suppose this will be an important tool for you to use one day," Sebastian purred, stroking the uninjured part of the boy's face. He eased the thin body closer to him and captured those plump offered lips. Despite wanting to be gentle in case Ciel's face hurt still, something took over him once he finally got to taste those sweet lips after weeks of dreaming of it.

His fingers came up to fist in those slate locks, and their lips crashed against each other messily. Sebastian was sure that he could’ve slowed down, savoured the ability to kiss Ciel finally, but his patience was thin. He nibbled on the tender bottom lip, sucking it into his mouth before continuing to ease little moans out of Ciel’s throat.

The kiss, however, didn’t last long. Ciel still was having problems breathing, and he hadn’t quite grasped how to breathe through the kiss. So, with reluctance, Sebastian eased off and stared into the sapphire eyes with no small amount of affection. Ciel’s cheeks were flushed, and his glistening lips were parted as he panted softly. The teacher cooed softly at the endearing sight, marred only by the injury still bleeding across a forth of his student’s face.

“Come on, love,” he murmured. “Let’s get you inside so we can clean you up.”

Ciel nodded but bit his lip. “Are you still worried?” he asked, voice laced with almost childlike concern.

It tugged at the older man’s heartstrings. “I’m worried about you right now, not us. Now, let me carry you, and let’s see if Dr. Agni’s still making house calls, shall we?”

“Okay.” Ciel was still very small, so lifting him was easy. “Don’t you dare drop me,” he snapped irritably, sounding more like the spitfire Sebastian knew. “I’ll dock your pay for a month.”

“I won’t drop you; I’ve lifted you plenty of times already.” He pecked the teen’s forehead, unable to help himself as he tried to soothe any of his precious student’s worries. “Now,” he said with a small smile that he usually reserved for teaching, “if you can be good for your doctor, I’ll see if I can put together some hot chocolate for you to sip. I’m sure there’s so much sugar running through your veins now that you’ll need a dose of something sweet after all this blood that you’ve lost.”

“It’s just a flesh wound,” Ciel joked, but he settled against Sebastian’s body, face pressing against the crook of the teacher’s neck. “Can you put marshmallows in it?” The childish voice was back, and Sebastian found he didn’t have it in him to deny the teen.

“All the marshmallows that I can fit on you drink, my lord.” The teacher’s heart soared at the small smile that lit up that eager face. “And then I’ll feed you the rest... _one at a time_ ,” he purred.

“Hell yeah,” Ciel said smugly. “I’m liking this already.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO THE CHANGE IN TAGS!!!!!!! I have outlined the story to the end, and several things have popped up that requires me to change the tags. I don't care about spoilers in this instance; I don't want to trigger anyone in any way, shape, or form. So, I updated them.^^
> 
> Okay, so I sooooooo apologise if the way Sebastian confessed was unrealistic, but I couldn't figure it out in any other way. Plus, those protective instincts! Like, he gotta keep his baby safe! XD But they are together, so expect cutesy couple stuff in the next chapter. C: I already have one adorable scene written, and I'm working on the next.
> 
> Also, Madam Red is back to being Madam Red! Whoo! And Sieglinde is in town. She'll pop up every so often to just tease Ciel about his bae, and I figure I'd finally introduce her officially after mentioning her a thousand times. XD I have always wanted them to have a huge Thanksgiving dinner where they get together and enjoy themselves, and I finally have it! Wait until Christmas... which will be sometime in January. XD (I'm behind on holidays.) There is a table setting guide here: https://photos.google.com/album/AF1QipP9WXwHjRm0kIyzZd9QZ9Os3PXzu5xpgaVyQXfc/photo/AF1QipO0YHhUpx5isTT8OZuqmvjQsXNw09QmOuBJ42HK I haven't quite figured out how to put in links on this site, soo.^^'
> 
> There are 25 chapters plus an epilogue, so we're officially over halfway there.^^ Hope your holidays are going great and you're enjoying yourselves. :)


	15. Happy Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The eighth anniversary goes off course from what is expected.

“Now, the difference between what the Jewish people were promised and what they received upon entering these ghettos is quite different,” Sebastian said from the chalkboard. “They were filthy, poorly supplied, and heavily guarded. Few people were allowed in and out, and it was typically for work that the fascist soldiers needed them to do.” 

Ciel took notes, attempting to keep his eyes on the lines of text his teacher had written only moments before, but they kept wandering to the ass that was so temptingly displayed in a pair of skin-tight slacks. The Holocaust wasn’t something he wanted to taint forever in his mind with sexual fantasies, but it was like Sebastian had decided that morning to do everything in his power to ruin his student’s chances of concentrating. 

Like during breakfast, the two of them had been eating the cream filled pastries that Bard had made by himself, chatting amicably, when the cream from Sebastian’s had spurted onto his fingertips. Instead of just wiping them off or something, the bastard had locked eyes with Ciel and slowly _licked_ them off, taking his time as he even let out a small moan. Then, once he was done, he had drawled, “ _Delicious_ ,” in the most sinful baritone that the teenager had ever heard.

It wasn’t fair, dammit.

_Well, I suppose I can try my luck as well._ Ciel tapped his pencil against the desk’s surface. _But I’ll need some sort of segue that doesn’t involve the Holocaust or else I’ll feel like an ass for the rest of my life._

Either way, he needed to step up his game. Those pathetic attempts at flirting he’d tried in the beginning wouldn’t fly now that he’d actually gotten Sebastian and had seen how out of his league he was when it came to speaking with a honeyed tongue. Unless he wanted the older man to think he wasn’t able to hold his own in this game, he had to plan before he acted. 

So, he waited until Sebastian began talking about the war on the Russian front before dropping his pencil on the ground as realistically as possible. Sebastian stopped speaking as the wooden pencil bounced all the way to his polished shoes. He raised an eyebrow but bent down all the same to retrieve the writing utensil for his student. Of course, he couldn’t bend where he was. No, the teasing man decided to turn just enough that his ass was in full view of wide blue eyes.

“Now, young master, if you could please refrain from being so clumsy while I’m teaching,” he said as he straightened. He placed the pencil back on the desktop and smirked as the boy stared up at him. 

_Shit! Ciel, now’s your chance! Say something smooth!_ The teen subtly cleared his throat and dropped his eyes as demurely as possible. “Sorry, it’s just that I was just so distracted.”

The hand that was still by his pencil stiffened, but Sebastian just asked, “Oh?” in a low, amused voice. 

_Ha, the bait’s been set!_ he thought proudly. He glanced up through his lashes into those ruby eyes and nodded. “Yes, I’m sorry. I swear I’m trying to pay attention, but…” He bit his lip and looked at the surface of his desk, as if he couldn’t bring himself to say just what had him so distracted.

Sebastian hummed but squatted so he was eye level with Ciel. “It’s okay. You can tell me. It’s my job to ensure that you get the best education possible, and that includes targeting _distractions_.” He placed his hand on his student’s thigh, and a small shiver went through Ciel’s body.

_Here goes nothing._ “Well, sir,” he said shyly, “it’s your sweater.”

“My sweater, Ciel? Don’t you like it?” It was black, and it had “As for Days” written on it in red script. It was really a very cheesy teacher sweater, and it looked cute on Sebastian. Plus, it also hugged his body and hinted at the slightly toned body underneath it.

“No, I _hate_ it,” he informed his teacher, “and I would prefer if you took it _off_.” He watched Sebastian’s eyes widen in shock, but then a smirk played at the man’s lips.

“Oh? Does it offend you that much?” He pretended to think about it for a moment. “Well, I suppose it is a bit corny.” Without wasting another second, he pulled the woollen article off his body, leaving himself in a thin undershirt that hung off his body and left nothing to the imagination.

Ciel’s mouth practically drooled. While Sebastian wasn’t ripped, he definitely was in shape from the looks of those arms. No wonder he could lift Ciel with ease. The teen wondered what was hiding beneath the tank top, and he remembered he now knew how to find out.

“Oh, this is worse than the sweater,” he said in the most as annoyed voice as he could muster with anticipation gleaming so obviously on his face. “You might as well take that off also.”

However, Sebastian decided that he wasn’t going to stick to the script. “Oh, so I am the only one who must take off my clothes if it offends anyone?” He nearly pouted and shook his head. “So I must teach shirtless while you can flout that abomination all over the manor?” He pointed to Ciel’s brown vest and cream polo, looking very the much the part of an indignant teacher who was being asked far too much. “No, I demand that if I am made to remove my obscene clothes, you are as well. It is only fair.”

Ciel bit his lip, trying to look as innocent as possible. “I’m not sure if I can get it off, Mr. Michaelis,” he admitted quietly, looking ashamed. “Can you help me please?”

“Of course, darling,” Sebastian purred, and suddenly the spell broke. They both rushed forward, lips finding each other’s eagerly. His teacher’s eager fingers grabbed his polo, pulling it from his pants so his warm hands could grab the baby fat on Ciel’s waist.

The teen slid from his seat and onto Sebastian’s waiting lap, moaning softly as the older man pulled him even closer. Sebastian broke the kiss to trail his lips down his student’s pale neck, sucking at the skin at particular spot when Ciel let out a breathless noise.

“Your clothes have been distracting as well,” Sebastian said as he nibbled the pulse at Ciel’s neck. “All I want to do is take them off, see what’s underneath, and _kiss every inch I discover_.”

Oh, god, that voice was driving him insane. Ciel nodded as he curled his fingers into the flimsy tank top so he could ground himself. Each little bite was causing more and more pleasure to pool in his gut, and Sebastian's little whispers between each kiss weren't helping.

“So sweet.” Ciel gasped as he felt what could only be Sebastian’s tongue stroke across his skin. “Sweet enough to eat.”

“Go ahead then,” the teen offered, holding onto the baby at Sebastian’s neck now.

Suddenly, his back was against the plush rug and his vest and polo were pushed all the way up to his shoulders. Sebastian stared down at his body, and a jolt of insecurity about what was on display to those burning red eyes ran through Ciel. He moved to cover his stomach, knowing it wasn’t as lean as his teacher’s. He wasn’t fat or anything, but his sugary diet meant that he was still pretty squishy in all the places where his boyfriend was flat and solid.

But Sebastian was having none of that. He grabbed Ciel’s wrists and held them above his slate head with only one hand. With the other, he wagged a scolding finger at his student. “You shouldn’t offer something you don’t intend to give, Ciel. Now, there’s no part of your body for you to feel ashamed about, especially when it comes to you and I.”

“I-” This disgust was familiar. Back during his depressed days, his self-image had constantly been low, and he’d rarely worn anything that would be considered flattering. It was like back then, hating anyone’s eyes on him, and he squeezed his eyes shut to avoid the teacher’s gaze. “I’m sorry,” he said miserably.

“For what? For looking absolutely adorable all flushed like that?” Sebastian kissed him before murmuring, “You’re beautiful, absolutely beautiful.” Ciel shook his head. No, he wasn’t, and it was obvious. Suddenly, what had previously been just an extra bit of skin turned into a nice round bump in his eyes. He wondered what Sebastian saw in something so ugly and disgusting.

His teacher sighed softly, and that grip on his wrists disappeared. Ciel opened one of his eyes just a crack, in time to see Sebastian’s face hovering over his stomach. He went to cover himself, but he could already feel lips pressing to his belly button, worshipping the skin there.

“You’re so lovely,” Sebastian told him before kissing his belly, nuzzling the bit of peach fuzz there. “How could you feel self-conscious when you look like this?” He kissed Ciel’s waist, and the strangest thing happened.

A giggle bubbled out of Ciel’s throat, and the teen gasped, clamping a hand over his mouth. Sebastian raised an eyebrow, and his prisoner swallowed nervously. The bastard had found a ticklish spot!

“How cute,” the tutor mumbled against Ciel’s skin. “Shall we see if that was a one-time deal?”

“Wait, no, please,” his student begged, but Sebastian was already pressing more kisses to the spot, making Ciel shriek with laughter and squirm beneath him. Of course, Ciel attempted to escape, but those warm hands held him in place. “Se _bastian_!” he mewled, giggling as his lover progressed to blowing raspberries into his stomach. “Stop!”

“Promise you’ll stop feeling ashamed of your body?” Sebastian asked, momentarily halting his attack. When Ciel hesitated, he continued the assault, blowing raspberries and even using his fingers to tickle Ciel’s other side so the boy was a writhing mess.

“Ah! Sebastian, please! I give up!” His body was all sweaty from trying to escape, and he bet that his pale skin was all flushed. At his pleas, his teacher lifted his head again. Ciel sucked in air to try and catch his breath. When he could breathe again, he mumbled, “You’re right.”

“I’m sorry. What was that?” Sebastian asked, holding his fingers near his waist again. “I didn’t quite hear you.”

“You’re right!” Ciel repeated, sliding away from Sebastian’s hand.

“About what?” the devil prompted. He really wasn’t letting this go, and Ciel didn’t want to try his luck.

So, with his face flaming hot, Ciel admitted quietly, “I’m beautiful.”

Sebastian cooed and pulled him into his arms. “Yes, you are,” the teacher murmured into slate locks. “You are.”

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Finny could hear the giggling from the parlour. Of course, it was something that drew his attention since it was a sound that was rarely heard from the impromptu classroom, and curiosity pulled him closer and closer to the door. It sounded like Ciel, and it was quite different than his normal laughter.

_Wait! Finny, are you sure you want to go around spying again?_ a voice asked him, and he halted where he stood. _Won’t Ciel be mad at you again if he finds out you were sneaking around and watching him and Mr. Sebastian?_ He bit his lip as the thought sunk in. He and Ciel had cleared the air between them at Thanksgiving, so the last thing he wanted was to foul it up again.

Something had happened between Ciel and his teacher, though. They stared at each other during meals, and their playful banter had picked up. It seemed that they spent all lunch snapping sarcastic comments and bickering, only to retreat back into the study wordlessly and almost in a rush. Any time that Mey went in there to deliver tea or perhaps the cake that had finished baking, they were flushed and on opposite sides of the desk. The maid had thought perhaps they were arguing more and had been red in the face from shouting, but Finny seriously doubted that.

That thought spurred him towards the door again, and he cracked it open as quietly as possible. What he saw there made his eyes open wide and a smile curl up his lips.

Ciel was on the ground, wriggling as Sebastian tickled him. Both of them were in various stages of undress, like they’d interrupted a hot and heavy session to do this. The teen wriggled and laughed, legs kicking at the rug on either side of his teacher’s body. His face was split with a wide grin as Sebastian tickled more laughter out of him- a strange thing to hear out of his normally stoic young master. It had been so long since the teen had just let loose like that, and it confirmed what the gardener had suspected.

Sebastian could make Ciel happy like no one else could.

Finny closed the door as quietly as he had opened it and had to contain himself from shouting with joy. It had worked! Ciel was going to revert back to the happy spirit he had been before the car crash, and the two of them would end up together forever and ever. He would convince Madam Red himself if need be to just allow the two of them together, especially if she thought that the age gap was too large. 

Bard and Mey were working on lunch when he came into the kitchen, humming _L.O.V.E._ by Nat Cole King. Mey cocked her head in curiosity at him, but Bard just laughed before pulling the gardener into a one-armed, but still very warm hug. Finny could only smile when his friend noogied him. 

“What’s got you in such a mood, Finny? Did you catch another bird?” the cook teased.

Finny giggled, proud that he could keep this secret from everyone until the couple told the rest of the family. However, as much as he wanted to keep their secret, he couldn’t bring himself to outright lie to his friend, so he just chirped, “Did you know that cardinals like to cuddle in the young master’s Christmas roses? They’re so cute!”

Mey smiled at him, and she booped his nose like she always did when she thought he had said something sweet. “I hope you stay like this forever, Finnian.”

“I do, too!” He grinned and gestured to the whole kitchen. “I hope I stay with all of you forever- the young master and Madam Red, Mr. Sebastian, you two, and Mr. Tanaka!”

Bard squeezed him tighter, their shoulders pressing almost uncomfortably against each other. “Yeah, so do I, little guy.” 

“Do you think they’ll be done with their lesson by twelve?” Mey asked, and Finny nodded.

“I would knock first because I think they were trying to cover something really important,” the blonde told her. It wasn’t a lie; it seemed like Sebastian was trying to work towards Ciel laughing more, which was _very_ important.

“Okay, well, could you give us a hand with the salad? Madam Red wants the young master to incorporate more vegetables in his diet.” Finny nodded and bounced over to the sink to wash his hands. Now he got to chop up the same things he’d spent weeks growing and watch the look on the young master’s face when he got to eat them.

_The young master will be happy, and I can spend my days taking care of his garden and watching him raise tiny young masters and little mistresses. And they can play in the rose garden and see the birds in the winter-_

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_Hands. Hands everywhere, reaching for him, following his movements. He was trapped, unable to breathe in the small confines of his metal box. He banged on the walls, screaming his throat raw with pleas to_ let him out, please, God, just get him away from these things _._

_A pair of fingers wrapped around his ankle and dragged him backwards. The jolt pulled his feet out from under him, and he shrieked as his nails slid uselessly over smooth metal. He heard laughter, voices echoing off the steel walls and bouncing back to him to the point where he couldn’t tell if it was one or a hundred. But he was still moving, still being dragged towards whoever’s hands these were._

_Suddenly, he could hear it. A beeping noise muffling the laughter, shrilling pulsing in time with his erratic heartbeats and reaching a near deafening pitch. He slammed his hands over his ears to try to block it out, only for the hands to descend upon him while he was weak…_

 

He woke up with still screaming, unable to help himself. While the dream wasn’t new, he’d avoided it for nearly a year now, and it terrified him every single time he had it. His skin felt like it was on fire, and he threw the blankets off his body as he tried to calm his racing heart with breathing exercises. He hated that dream.

He slid out of bed, needing to move around. If he just stayed in bed, looking up at the ceiling, he would go insane. So, he slipped his feet into his fuzzy slippers and wrapped a robe around him to fight the cold. It was definitely December, and the fire in his fireplace had long since burned out. He debated lighting it again, but he had no idea how Tanaka managed to keep the flames from growing too large and catching something on fire. Suddenly, Sebastian words echoed back in his mind.

_“ I’ve spent nights wishing that the cold half of my bed was warmed by your body.”_

He opened his door and stepped out into the hallway. Thankfully, the moon was streaming brightly through the floor to ceiling windows and kept his path lit, and he moved swiftly towards the stairs so that he didn’t waste another second. He didn’t have to worry about sneaking downstairs since his aunt was out at Grell’s house for some sort of holiday party and would no doubt be there until noon the next day. 

Ciel did, however, need to watch his step once he got to the other servants’ rooms. Bard was a light sleeper, and Finny was always following them around, trying to catch Ciel and Sebastian together. He hadn’t told the gardener yet that they were officially dating, but he had a feeling that Finny already knew. The gardener smiled at them fondly, always doing his best to give them time to themselves and keep everyone else away.

He managed to get to Sebastian’s door without incident, and he very quietly opened the door as slowly as possible. Ciel poked his head in the crack, searching the room for his teacher and finding him at his desk dressed in a plain tee and some sweatpants. He couldn’t imagine what exactly had the man up so late- it was nearly two in the morning- and he wondered whether his screams had woken his teacher.

“Sebastian?” he whispered, and the man froze. His teacher turned in his seat to look at Ciel with wide red eyes. “I’m sorry for disturbing you but-”

“Were you crying?” Sebastian asked with a small frown. He stood up and went over to the shivering teen. “You were. I thought I heard you screaming earlier; did you have a nightmare?” Ciel nodded, and Sebastian wrapped him in his arms almost immediately. “I’ve got you. Don’t you worry, Ciel.” He heard the door close behind him, and his teacher began pulling him towards the bed. 

The teen’s eyes narrowed. He wasn’t quite ready for _that_. Sure, he had feelings for his teacher, but there was no way he was jumping in bed with him after just a couple weeks of dating. He began to pull away from Sebastian, but the grip on him was firm.

“Hey, hey, calm down.” He looked up to see a slight frown on Sebastian’s face. “Just to sleep, love. We’re not doing anything like what you’re thinking.” Warm hands slipped his robe from his body and slid over the gooseflesh that arose after its removal. “We’ll sleep, so when you wake up again, you aren’t alone. It’s even worse to wake up all by yourself after having the nightmares, isn’t it?”

Blue eyes darted over his boyfriend- such a juvenile term, but what else _were_ they, exactly?- and tried to look for any hints that the man was lying to him. Yes, it was horrifying sometimes to wake up after having dreams that he was all alone in the world only to find that he was alone. They often happened on nights that Aunt Ann was working, which meant that her room was empty when he would check it, terrified that he would trapped in the manor by himself. However, there were also nights that she would be shaking him awake, trying to ground him and remind him where he actually was.

“Ciel, come back to me.” He was gently jostled, and he focused again on Sebastian’s face. “Do you want to talk about this one with me? You don’t have to explain anything, and I won’t ask a single question.” The teacher brushed a thumb across his cheek. There weren’t any more tears, but he was still so cold. He had no idea why, but it was like his added layers did nothing to help him. He clung to the nearest source of warmth in hopes that Sebastian’s body would be able to drive the chill from his bones.

They stood like that for a moment, and Ciel wondered whether or not he’d gone too far. He couldn’t worry Sebastian with something like his nightmares, especially the ones that make little to no sense. They were tiny but painful little shards of himself, admissions of his greatest fears- abandonment, solitude, but also getting close to people. The idea of being attached to someone, even his aunt, set him on edge in a way that he couldn’t explain. Diedrich had suggested that it could be the fear of losing someone that he’s dependent on once again, and the psychologist had insisted that he work towards making the feared attachments.

But it meant that when Aunt Ann was late getting home, he paced in his study. It meant that he cried on Tanaka’s birthday because the steward wasn’t getting any younger. It meant that he was scared to say things to Sebastian that he knew could make the man act different around him or potentially leave him because he didn’t feel like carrying around Ciel’s baggage.

Because he couldn’t lose Sebastian. It was so _freeing_ to have someone who wrapped him in their arms and promised that there was no way they would ever leave him. During the evenings, he could lay with Sebastian and just _be_. Now that there was a relief of tension since they were dating, they could go back to their playful jabs back and forth, and Sebastian could make him laugh with some of the odd things he said. He had thought that feeling true, unadulterated joy was something that occurred rarely, but the man had showed him that it wasn’t impossible to feel that happy every day.

For instance, he woke up one morning to find a warm bubble bath and a chocolate cupcake waiting for him. Also, after the tickling debacle, the tutor used his secret weapon to perk Ciel up after a particularly rough night and ensure that the senior pay attention to his lessons. He was dating a romantic, someone who enjoyed just cuddling in private and whispering sweet nothings in Ciel’s ear. Desserts were served with navy blue roses and the occasional pink heart, and little notes were left on his pillow in the morning for him to open up and read.

Those were the best. Sebastian either wrote something like he was a Victorian poet trying to woo a lover or scribbled something that showed how cheesy the teacher was under his suave exterior. One- a particularly cheesy note- had read, _Violets are blue/Roses are red/You look so cute/Like a cat in bed._

That had led to the difficult conversation about Ciel’s allergy to cats and Sebastian’s near obsession with them. While the man didn’t currently own a _feline_ \- ugh- and hadn’t for several years, he and his mother apparently had been “blessed” enough to own twenty-five in the first eighteen years of the teacher’s life. He even had photos of each and every one in storage somewhere, and he had all but pouted when Ciel told him flat out that they wouldn’t be able to have one in the house. Of course, they _could_ , but he would be a sneezy, snotty mess about ninety-eight-percent of the time, which wasn’t very attractive. 

So despite the cats and the odd retort that cut a little too close during their daily bantering, it was going well, and he didn’t want to fuck that up. He refused to let it. So, he just shook his head and tightened his fingers around Sebastian’s nightshirt as his body trembled in the cold. His teacher tightened his arms around him and pressed several kisses into his hair.

However, he heard a voice in his head that sounded suspiciously like Diedrich. _If you won’t let him in, don’t be surprised if he steps off the porch._ He squeezed his eyes shut and sighed. _He said you don’t have to explain it to him; just tell him what happened._

Anything he said with his face pressed against the teacher’s chest wouldn’t be more than inaudible mumbles, but he couldn’t look Sebastian in the eyes when he said it. So he slowly pulled away from the warmth, instantly slammed with the room’s chill. He moved towards the window, knowing he could use the glassy surface to see his teacher’s reaction from a safe distance and with the ability to hide his own face from view.

“It wasn’t about my parents,” he began, looking at his hands. “It wasn’t about the fire. I don’t know what it was about, but I get it a lot around this time of year.” He pressed his forehead against the cool glass and scoffed. “Happy eighteenth birthday, Ciel. This one’s from your subconscious.”

True to his word, Sebastian didn’t ask questions, but his reflection looked pained and confused. His hands were clenching and unclenching at his sides, like he wanted to grab his student and tuck him into his arms again, and that gave Ciel the courage to keep speaking. Hopefully, Sebastian wouldn’t regret asking him to talk about it after all.

“Hands,” he said simply. “Hands reaching for me as I run around a small metal box. And near the end, I can hear the sound of one of those EKGs. You know, like the ones at hospitals and in ambulances? And it’s loud enough to deafen me, so all I can do is press my hands over my ears and those _hands_ …” He shivered at the memory, shaking his head. “I don’t understand it. It doesn’t make any sense to me, but I have it all the same. I’m running from something, but what that is, neither Diedrich or myself have been able to figure it out.” He turned back around and looked into the frowning face of his boyfriend. “That’s what dating me is going to be like, Sebastian- watching me try to examine a million pieces of the same puzzle. Only, most of them are black, so even if I do piece it together, I miss half the picture.”

“And you think I care?” Sebastian asked quietly. “I know what I signed up for, okay? All of November was me analysing every part of our possible relationship, and I know exactly what type of person you are.” He reached out a hand, a silent question, and the teen nodded. Before he could register it, his face was being peppered with kisses. “I don’t like you because I think you’re perfect or because I have some delusion that I can help you become perfect. The reason you won me over is because I look at you and see the rough edges and jagged corners and know that your pieces will fit just right with mine.

“I can’t bring the picture back to you, Ciel,” Sebastian admitted, “and I don’t want to. I can’t rob you of that. However, it would be my honour if I could stay with you by your side as you reveal the picture yourself. Don’t hide from me. Don’t think that I’ll change my mind about this just because of something that is part of your life. I want you- each and every bit.

“Finny told me that he thought I could make you happy, that you had hit the bottom and could use someone to help you stay on top. At the time, the idea of it being me terrified the living daylights out of me, but I realised he was wrong. You don’t need someone to be your medicine; you just need someone who won’t judge you for needing medicine in the first place.”

Ciel’s eyes widened in shock, and he stared at his teacher. He had to be lying. There was no way that he would immediately understand that he wasn’t going to be able to fix his student just by dating him. In fact, it almost sounded like he wasn’t going to even _try_ to help fix him, just leave him with the pieces and support him as he fit each one together. How could that be possible? Did he understand just what he was saying?

But those eyes. There was so much honesty in those ruby eyes that it nearly melted Ciel’s knees. He knew what he was saying, and he meant it. But why? Why would he go so far for a boy he hadn’t known for even half a year? There was no way he had developed feelings strong enough to give him that level of confidence so soon.

A painful thought occurred to him. “Why do you like me? Why on Earth would you waste your time with me when it’s obvious that I’m more trouble than I’m worth?” he demanded angrily, bracing himself for the answer. It really wouldn’t surprise him if the teacher suddenly snapped out of it and agreed with him. After all, it didn’t make sense, and he couldn’t subject Sebastian to a relationship with him that would only end in frustration.

But the older man just laughed. “You know, you’re adorable when you’re pissed. Your mouth just sets in this stubborn little line- Yes! Just like that!” He pecked the teen on the lips and grinned. “You’re so little, but it’s like you’re a child when you make that face, pissed off that you didn’t get what you wanted from the candy store.” He pinched Ciel’s cheeks before kissing him again soundly, pulling away with a boisterous, “ _Mwaa_!”

However, he quickly sobered and traced his thumb over the swell of Ciel’s cheek with a tiny smile. “I told you already that you’re beautiful, but it’s in odd things. Like, your eyes captivate me, and it’s because I can see you thinking when I look in your eyes. You’re always spinning the wheels in your head, and it’s like I can just glimpse what’s going on in there.” Sebastian smiled and gave him an Eskimo kiss, somehow keeping the gesture heartfelt rather than patronising. “And your body is my favourite treat, but it’s the little bits and pieces that I find that interest me, not how thin or shapely you are. Did you know you have a freckle on the near the back of your inner left thigh? It’s absolutely adorable, and I love seeing it whenever I can get you out of your pants. Thank you for wearing briefs.”

Ciel laughed. “You’re welcome,” he replied as a warm feeling bloomed in his chest. It was such an odd thing to say, but nothing about them was normal in any way, shape, or form. “So, just my eyes and my freckle? I must admit that I’m questioning your standards.”

“Oh, no,” Sebastian assured him, wrapping his arms around him and swaying them both back and forth. “It’s much more than that. No, you definitely reeled me in with your sarcasm.” Laughter rumbled in the older man’s chest, and Ciel smiled at the vibrations. It felt great to just have this body pressed up against him. He could feel the solid pounding of Sebastian’s heart, like a metronome ticked back and forth against his palm. “I honestly can’t say I’ve ever encountered someone who could keep up with me when it comes to bantering. I absolutely love to just _talk_ to you. It’s animated and intelligent, and you always manage to spice it up with that dry humour of yours. You make me laugh, and I love trying to make you laugh, too. I started to suspect that I was lying to myself, but it really sunk in when it occurred to me that nothing makes me happier than when you smile because of something I did or said.

“I feel like I’m at home when I’m with you. I told you a while ago that it was just me and my mom when I was younger, and I realised that it’s possible to feel that sense of peace with someone other than her.” He shrugged once. “Plus, you have a cute butt.” The teacher patted Ciel once on the rump to prove his point before playfully kneading the flesh. The teen pulled away, unable to keep from giggling, and Sebastian beamed down at him. Still, he confirmed in a very smug voice, “Yup, my boyfriend has an absolutely adorable ass, and I’m a very lucky man.”

“You’re a dork; that’s what you are,” Ciel shot back, but he failed at sounding upset. Damn this man. So, he just stood on his tippie toes to kiss that smirking mouth…

But then he let out the most obnoxious yawn possible.

Sebastian chuckled and glanced at his alarm clock. “Shall we get to bed, little one? I’m just as tired as you seem to be.” However, when he noticed the look in Ciel’s eyes, he cooed softly. “Oh, honey, don’t you worry about a thing, okay? I promise that I won’t regret it at all. Now, would you rather sleep with me or go back upstairs to your cold bed?”

The idea of a freezing room and even worse bed made him shiver. “No. No, I’ll stay here with you.”

That earned him a smile from the teacher. “Splendid. Now, I sleep next to the wall, so is it okay for you to sleep on the edge?” Ciel nodded and stepped out of his slippers. He watched as Sebastian peeled back at least four layers of bedclothes- the top sheet, a quilt, an afghan, and a small fleece blanket- and crawl underneath them. The teacher slid towards the wall, leaving plenty of space free for the smaller frame that was currently shivering beside the bed. Once he was settled, he patted the mattress beside him. “Climb in.”

Ciel slipped under the covers as well, and the two of them worked out a position that was comfortable- Ciel on the teacher’s chest with Sebastian’s arms wrapped around his shoulders. The teen felt a bit self-conscious in the embrace, but then his boyfriend began to run his long fingers through his short locks, gently scratching his scalp at times like Ciel really was a kitten he was petting.

Suffice to say, the teen didn’t last much longer before he slipped back into sleep.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

In the garden, the Christmas roses bloomed, and Sebastian made sure to leave a small vase full of the beautiful flowers. Finny had told him that they always open on the fourteenth, as if nature itself was celebrating Ciel’s birthday.

Sebastian sighed as he continued preparing breakfast alone. He’d woken up early that morning due to a nightmare and had been unable to fall back asleep. Naturally, he’d done several things to try to fill up the time- set up the rose surprise for Ciel, clean his room, start working on the chocolate upon chocolate cake for dessert- but none of them had taken very long at all.

Today would typically be such a happy day in someone’s life, but the teacher had a sneaking suspicion that his student’s eighteenth birthday would be a little different than his eleventh or his fourteenth or even his seventeenth. Madam Red had said he was usually plagued by nightmares that kept him up all night, and she admitted that they never knew whether or not they would be moderate or drive the teen into a state of depression for perhaps a month or more. 

Sebastian sincerely hoped that it was the former because he knew that Ciel in the throes of depression was not something he could help with in the least. Logically, just being in a relationship wouldn’t help in the slightest, aside from having someone else to talk to, but he knew that it would destroy him every day to see his precious student that low.

His feelings for the boy were still hard to explain. The moments he could spend with his arms wrapped around that thin frame- hearts calmed, bodies fitted together like puzzle pieces- were moments that he felt at peace. He looked forward to chess matches where Ciel’s guard was down and they could just talk about anything that came up. They debated politics, joked about something in the news, said insane things just to make the other one laugh. Sometimes, Sebastian could say just the right thing to get the teen to burst into a fit of giggles that made his cheeks pink. 

Of course, Sebastian spent every second teasing him. He would interrupt the teen’s reading time in the evenings to turn on the radio in the corner of the room and _demand_ that Ciel dance with him. He would pinch his ass when they were in the bathroom to wash their hands before dinner. Sometimes, when the younger male was zoning out during a lesson, he would draw a dick on the chalkboard instead of notes and see how long it took him to notice.

Sleeping with him was easy, unlike the other lovers he’d slept with. Ciel was like a heater, exuding warmth and clinging to his teacher like another blanket. Often, as they were getting comfortable in each other’s arms, he would press his little face against Sebastian’s neck and press lazy kisses to the skin there. They would always have to wake up before everyone else so Ciel could sneak back to his room, but even the early rising didn’t make him tired. 

Ciel hadn’t woken him up last night like he had the past few evenings, but that was probably due more to Madam Red being home for one night. She’d halted her witch hunts, and they’d reached an air of normalcy again. However, being caught by the overprotective woman would bring an abrupt end to everything. He wondered whether the absence of his bed partner had brought upon the nightmare, but he had no way of being sure either way.

Tonight would not be a quiet one. He was both satisfied and worried by the fact that Madam Red would be gone by five that afternoon to continue her week of nightshifts; he could keep Ciel company, even if his experience calming the teen down after an especially horrific nightmare was slim to none compared to her. So, as he went about preparing the sweet bread that the house would enjoy in a few hours’ time, he brainstormed possible ways to calm his student down.

As he did that, Bardroy shuffled in with a gravelly “G’morning” and set the coffeepot up to start brewing. Sebastian hummed in response, knowing that the blonde was barely awake and definitely not ready for a conversation. He hardly ever was until he had at least two cups of coffee but would quickly perk up and make himself useful afterwards. They had set up a system in the months that they’d started cooking together, but it was beginning to become more of a habit than a necessity for the teacher to remain in the kitchen.

He reflected briefly on the change around the home since he’d come. Ciel aside, the others seemed to be more focused and capable in their tasks. Finny had started coming to him before he did something impulsive in the garden, and Mey had whole-heartedly accepted his offer to show her how to make beds or how to properly dust and polish wood. Bard was even able to cook a whole chicken now, the bird juicy and full of flavour.

By the time he’d slid the bread into the oven to bake, Bard was cooking pancakes on the stove, finally using a skillet that he was comfortable working in instead of just selecting the largest one in the cabinet. Sebastian smiled at him as a way of praise, which made his co-worker beam.

“When do you think Ciel will be up?” the teacher asked, moving to start a bowl of homemade applesauce. “It’s to my understanding that this will be a rough day for him.”

He heard a grunt. “Yes, this is the most difficult day all year, but the morning is always the best. We try to fill it with happy things for him to focus on, and part of the pain of last year is gone. He can move around and leave the house instead of being trapped here.” Bard paused as he poured more batter into the sizzling pan. “I think that was always the worst part, actually. When you’ve experienced loss, you need to move around, get talking to people, so you don’t get swallowed up in your grief. That poor kid was always confined to the manor, memories haunting him at every turn.”

“You expect that this year will go better then?” Sebastian asked cautiously. It made sense, but it was also a bit naïve to believe that years of pain could be muted just by the ability to hop on a horse and go to town.

Bard seemed to agree. “Every year is different,” he stated. “Sometimes it’s good; sometimes it’s bad.” He stared at his pancake and sighed. “But every year I hope that it’s a good one.”

They worked in almost silence for the next hour or so, only stirring from their jobs when Finny and Mey walked in. The gardener rubbed his eyes tiredly but otherwise waved at them with his free hand. The redhead, however, went straight to work on the dirty dishes. Bard fixed Finny an extra sweet cup of coffee, and the blonde smiled at him.

“You know, I had the weirdest dream last night,” he said, sitting on the empty space on the island. He took a tentative sip of his coffee and hummed softly in contemplation. “We were in the manor, just talking to each other like normal, but then I heard the young master yelling.” Sebastian frowned at him, and Finny nodded. “Yeah, we all freaked out and went up there after him, and he was being kidnapped by an angel, of all things! However, no matter what we tried to do, none of us could save him. I kept reaching and reaching, but I fell out of the window.”

“Goodness,” Mey squeaked. “That’s not a weird dream, Finny; that’s a nightmare.” She studied him for a moment. “Why on earth would an angel steal the young master?”

“Who’s stealing me?” They turned to see the teen in question in the doorway, dressed in a violet pair of slacks and a matching vest. His undershirt was white, and Sebastian was proud to see that he’d tucked one of the roses into the lapel of his vest. He met his teacher’s eyes for but a second, but his expression brightened just a bit afterwards.

“It was just a dream I had, young master,” Finny assured him. “Nothing to worry about.” He seemed to take in just what the boy was wearing because his face lit up. “You’re wearing one of the roses? So they’re open?”

Ciel smiled warmly. “It appears so. Would you mind replacing the flowers on the table and in my study with a bouquet of them after breakfast?”

“Of course, young master!” Finnian chirped. “In fact, I’ll go do it right now!” He chugged the last of his coffee, placed it ecstatically on the island for Mey Rin to wash, and hurried out the door.

Bard watched him go and chuckled. “I swear, if any of us were a morning person, it has to be him.”

Ciel hummed and walked over to Sebastian with a smirk. “Is that applesauce?”

“No, it’s Queen Victoria. Hasn’t she aged?” the teacher teased, earning a playful pout from his student. “Yes, it’s applesauce. You can’t have any until breakfast, however,” he added, making the teen’s finger retreat away from the bowl. “Now, how would you like your eggs?”

“Sunny-side up, the yolks hard.” He slid up onto the counter nearby and watched them work. Every so often, Sebastian would glance up to see those blue eyes glued to him, and Ciel would blush when he realised he was caught. They couldn’t do much with Mey and Bard with them, but he did shift close enough for Ciel’s thigh to be pressed against his side. Just that connection earned a barely audible sigh from the teen.

They continued like that until everything was done, and Ciel even carried the plate of sliced bread out to the table. Madam Red came down the stairs soon after everything was set up, her face pale but still brightened a bit with a smile. She bent to hug Ciel in his seat and waved at Sebastian after she sat down. She looked over the food and nodded with a smile. “This looks delicious. Thank goodness I got down here when I did.”

Ciel rolled his eyes at her. “I bet you came down the moment Tanaka mentioned food.”

“Guilty as charged,” she admitted. She took a bite of her scrambled eggs, but she then made a noise like a thought had occurred to her. “Speaking of gluttons,” she began, setting her fork down. “Since Sieglinde and Wolfram are still in town, I was thinking about inviting them to Christmas dinner as well.”

This was news to Sebastian. He’d been sure that the duo had gone home shortly after Thanksgiving. He looked over at Ciel to gauge his reaction to this information, but if his student was shocked to find out that his friend was still in the country, he didn’t show it. In fact, he just shook his head firmly. “No, Christmas is their holiday, remember? That was the day that Wolfram adopted her.”

Madam Red nodded and wiped a hand down her face tiredly, belying her attempts at being cheerfully awake. “That’s right. Okay, then we’ll invite them over on the twenty-sixth.”

_Or they could just go home to Germany. That could work just as well_ , Sebastian thought vehemently, subconsciously gripping his fork a little tighter when he thought of the girl. He knew there was no reason to be jealous of such a sweet girl, but he honestly couldn’t help it. That insecure part of him was still very much convinced that Ciel would realise that he liked Sieglinde better than his _teacher_ after all, and then Sebastian would be alone while she got the beautiful teen all to herself.

The fear was even worse now that he knew what he would be losing. No more impromptu dancing. No more kissing Ciel in the moonlight. No more tickling giggles out of the teen until he was red in the face. All of that would belong to her; _Ciel_ would belong to her. It didn’t settle his nerves in the least that his student had known for almost three weeks now that she was still in town and didn’t mention it once.

The thought turned his stomach, but he forced his expression to remain pleasantly blank to avoid raising suspicions. He knew that the teen wouldn’t cheat on him or something absurd like that, but it was almost like everyone knew that she was nearby except him. Why wouldn’t that be common knowledge?

_What if he_ wants _to cheat on you?_

His fork scratched harshly against his plate, earning the attention of Ciel and his aunt. He smiled apologetically at them and forced the thought out of his head. However, now his student could tell there was something wrong. Sebastian forced his stomach to stop churning and cocked his head at the teen as if he was confused by the questioning look in those blue eyes.

However, Ciel was not convinced. He raised an eyebrow and mouthed “later” to his teacher, and the man knew he was caught. Catching himself from muttering a curse, he refocused on his plate. This wasn’t going to be a fun conversation.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ann was making rounds when she got the text. Of course, she ignored it for the time being so she could check up on her new mothers. While she wasn’t an obstetrician in trade, she was pretty knowledgeable about the subject and had helped with her fair share of births over the years. Also, some of her patients would feel more at ease seeing a familiar face so soon after giving birth, even if it wasn’t their first time. It always disgusted her that the poor mothers had to spend evenings and early mornings absolutely alone without their husbands- or wives, she added, remembering her lesbian patient whose partner visited her and their child religiously- because of the ridiculous visiting hour policy. 

After she had finished seeing each and every one, she made her way back to her office. She knew that she should be excited to see him, but honestly, she was exhausted. What was worse was that she had officially reached the point of the night where Rachel had been dead for eight years, and all she could think about was how it had felt like the longest eight years in her life. Did she still remember what her sister’s voice sounded like? Could she easily picture the exact face the blonde made when she was laughing?

This day was rough on all of them so she always tried to hide her feelings, but it was so hard. Ciel was now an adult, something his parents would never see. They would never get to see him vote or come stumbling home drunk or get married. Vincent wouldn’t be able to hand down the company to him or help him with his bowties. Rachel wouldn’t get to cry as he walked onstage to get his diploma.

But Ann could do most of that, and it felt wrong to her that two people like Vincent and Rachel would have to miss out on something like that while she filled in. Of course, she knew that she was better than nothing, but she wasn’t his mother. She was his aunt.

She paused in the hall to wipe at her eyes, knowing that the man could spot teary eyes like a bloodhound sniffing out prey. The thought made her laugh a little, and she forced that smile to stay on her face as she walked into the room.

He was sitting at her desk, reading something on his phone, but he quickly stood when she walked in. “Angelina,” Diedrich breathed, walking towards her.

“Hey, what’s up?” she asked, thanking her voice for sounding playful and _not_ cracking. “Why did you show up here all of the sudden?” Diedrich didn’t answer her, only wrapped his arms around her and squeezed her to his body. Ann wheezed as all the air was forced out of her lungs, but she returned the embrace all the same. After they stood like that for a few minutes, she murmured, “What’s wrong, Dee?”

He made a pained sound. “Please don’t call me that. Not today.” He clung to her, and she switched into mother hen mode, pulling him to the small bed that was in the corner of the room. They fell back onto it, and she perched herself in his lap, pulling his head to her chest and stroking his short hair. He wrapped his arms around her middle and let her baby him, something she doubted that any but his mother had done.

She wondered silently how many other years he’d spent hurting like this but not coming to anyone. At least she and Ciel had each other to talk to, but Ann had a feeling that Diedrich would refuse to seek others out when he was grieving. He’d been the quickest to recover from Vincent and Rachel’s deaths, but they were still his friends. She pressed a kiss to his scalp and sighed softly.

What an odd bunch they all were, always hoping to tough it out without anyone’s help but never growing any stronger from it.

“I’m sorry,” she murmured, continuing to pet his hair. “I should’ve guessed, huh?” He remained silent in her bosom, so Ann pulled away so she could look in his eyes. He was frowning, looking more upset than she’d seen in a long time. “Oh, Diedrich, why didn’t you say anything to us?” she asked.

“I’m not family,” he told her gruffly. “Besides, I always thought you hated me, so I figured I wouldn’t ruin it by showing up until I was wanted.”

She frowned at him. “So what, you’ve been suffering all this time alone because you thought we wouldn’t want you around us?” He stared up at her, expression answering for him. A wave of shame crashed over her, and she pulled him back into her chest. He had put himself through all that because he thought _she_ wouldn’t want him there. How could she possibly not feel guilty about that?

“I still can’t believe they’ve been gone for eight years now,” he said into her shirt. “I still expect him to call me at some random time to help him with something.”

“See, it’s the opposite with me,” she replied sadly. “I feel like lifetimes have passed, and I struggle every day to remember little details.” But she didn’t know what would hurt worse- feeling like she was losing more and more of them as time went on or always feeling like she’d never lost them at all only to have to remind herself over and over that they were gone.

What would Rachel think of her? Would she be disappointed that it only took eight years for her memory to begin to fade from her only sister’s mind, or would she understand? Would Vincent be sad to know his best friend was still so choked up over his death, or would he be happy to know that the man loved him enough to feel his absence like a phantom limb?

How would they feel about Ann and Diedrich together?

The redhead laced the fingers of her free hand through one of his, making the connection and squeezing his hand. He kissed the skin over her heart, and she hummed. His body was warm, and she wished that she could spend all night like this. However, her pager would eventually buzz, and she would have to go back to her job.

Diedrich tilted his head up so he could kiss her jaw. “Do you think I could spend the night here? I’ll probably turn to _bier_ if I go home, and I can’t go into work tomorrow with a hangover.”

She smiled, the idea that he would be waiting for her in her office all night when she came back from doing her duties making her heart race. Of course, it was very unprofessional of her to let people stay in the hospital after visiting hours, but she couldn’t leave him alone in this state. 

“You stay as long as you need,” Ann assured him, and she felt some of the tension leave his body. “Will you be okay with me leaving every so often? I’m still on the clock, but I do get periods of rest in between when we can be together.”

He nodded. “That’s better than being alone. What do you do on nightshift?”

She laughed, shrugging. “Honestly, whatever they call me to do. Most of the time, they think they need me when they really don’t, so I’ll just end up playing games on my phone and waiting for something to do.”

That earned her an eye roll. “Well, that sounds like a waste of your time. Do you get paid extra for working late at night?” Ann shook her head, and he outright scowled. “That’s ridiculous. Who runs this hospital?”

“That would be Dr. Chamber,” she said with a laugh. “You honestly can’t expect him to behave sensibly.”

The name made Diedrich huff in annoyance. She heard him mutter, “quack” under his breath, and Ann giggled. Sure, he was the head of the hospital, but that was due to how much money he had and not because of his success as a doctor. She personally didn’t like being around him. Once, Ciel had come to visit her and Rachel in the hospital, and the man had been very… _affectionate_. Since then, the two sisters had taken very special care to keep the boy away from Aleister. While he didn’t strike Ann as a child molester, his interest in her nephew hadn’t been innocent.

“So, do you want to come over tomorrow?” she asked shyly. “After work, I mean. I don’t know how tonight will go, but I’m sure I won’t be the only one glad to see you.”

He played with the hem of her scrubs. “Are you sure? I don’t want to intrude.”

Ann snorted, shaking her head at him. “I just invited you over. I promise you won’t intrude.” She poked him in the arm. “Besides, if this is going to be a serious thing between us, you need to get used to being around the house more.”

His eyes went wide, and she waited for his reaction. Of course, they’d been fooling around for quite a bit now- dates, dancing at the masquerade, even spending the night together once or twice when she told Ciel she was at Grell’s. She didn’t like lying, but she was still a bit cautious about being so open about her relationship with her nephew’s psychologist. She was sure that it broke some sort of rule, that it was making him even more biased in his treatment of the teen, and she wanted Ciel to still have a safe place to go when he wanted to talk. If he knew that the two of them were practically dating, would he be more reserved when it came to sharing information with Diedrich?

Only, the surprised expression on his face shifted into something she could only describe as happy. “So I can come over for dinner more often?” She nodded. “Thank god. I was afraid I would never get to eat some of Sebastian’s meatloaf again.”

Ann laughed loudly, unable to help herself. He grinned smugly, but suddenly she felt herself pitching forwards, moving towards the bed as Diedrich brought her down with him. Suddenly, his lips were on his, and she was moaning instead.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The wheezing didn’t surprise him. In fact, when Sebastian opened his eyes, he immediately looked for Ciel, finding the teen sitting up only a couple inches from him. One of his hands was splayed over his chest, over what could only be his racing heart. The teacher sat up with him and wrapped his arms around the teen’s waist, shushing him gently before beginning their breathing exercise.

They’d gotten to the point where he didn’t have to instruct him anymore, just begin breathing, and Ciel would follow suit. He soothed him as they went by rubbing wide circles into the trembling boy’s back. He wouldn’t ask what the dream was about, knew that his boyfriend would tell him when he was ready to talk again. No, they needed to focus on breathing right now.

It was nearly ten minutes before they managed to get to a normal rate again, and Ciel clung to him tiredly. Sebastian eased them back into bed so that they were spooning and he could kiss the nape of his partner’s pale neck. He felt a tremor run through the thin frame in front of him and made tiny shushing noises in hopes of calming him down.

“Everything was white, like snow,” Ciel began in a tiny voice, and Sebastian settled his nose into the hollow between the teen’s shoulder and neck, “and I was with Mom and Dad. But then, they were ripped from my hands, and the snow turned into ash.” He trembled more, and the older man pressed tighter against him as he felt a sob shake his student’s chest. Ciel turned in the embrace and clung to him, sounding absolutely terrified as he cried, “And then those hands from the other dream came after me, and I couldn’t run this time. I couldn’t even move, and they kept grabbing me! I kept screaming for my mom and dad, but I couldn’t hear their voices over the others.” He rubbed his tear-streaked face all over Sebastian’s shirt. “They kept coming, and I couldn’t breathe. It was like they were suffocating me, and then that damn EKG started up.” The teen pulled desperate gasp. “And then it _stopped and flat-lined_.”

After that, he completely broke down, sobbing loudly into Sebastian’s chest and clinging fiercely to his teacher. Sebastian returned the gesture, not bothering to be gentle as he squeezed the young body to his. It was almost like Ciel needed the confirmation that Sebastian wouldn’t be pulled from his hands as well and leave him all alone like his parents had in the dream. He cemented that assurance with soft murmurings that he was safe now, that no one would hurt him when the teacher was around.

He was managing to pull the boy back from his fear, little by little. The sobs were ebbing, eventually fading into little watery hiccups that broke his heart all the same. It seemed like he was about to fall asleep, and then the cycle would repeat itself, apparently. Fall asleep, wake up from an even more horrific nightmare, calm down, go back to sleep; Bard said it would continue like that for the rest of the night. 

Suddenly, his mind travelled to what else Bard had said earlier in the day. “Hey,” he whispered, and Ciel looked up at him with watery eyes. “Do you want to go riding? We could go through the orchard paths.” The trees would be bare, but it would give them some cover should anyone happen to look out the window at night. 

The teen narrowed his eyes in confusion. “Why?” he croaked.

Sebastian shrugged. “I just thought that you could benefit from some moonlight, and it might take your mind off things.” He wiped the tears off his precious boy’s cheeks. “If you can’t stop the nightmares, why don’t we just avoid them together?”

“You mean stay up all night?” Ciel demanded. “And why wouldn’t they just come back when we go to sleep tomorrow?”

Sebastian raised an eyebrow, smirking. “Well, _do_ they come back in the morning? Or tomorrow night?”

His student thought about this, and his frown slowly turned into a smirk as well. “Not really, no. Not unless tonight doesn’t go well.” He bolted upright, and Sebastian followed suit. “Meet me in the parlour in five minutes. Wear something you can ride Lenina in.”

Ten minutes later, and they were in the stables waking Lenina up. The horse seemed pissed, but she allowed herself to be saddled and mounted by both of them, warming up to the midnight excursion after Ciel fed her a few treats. She followed Ciel’s prompting, and they ambled towards the orchard in a walk. After all, they had the whole night ahead of them.

Sebastian was thankful for both Ciel’s body heat and his own idea to wear hats, scarves, and gloves. It had to be near freezing, and he wondered whether or not they should go in eventually. While the crisp air would keep them awake, it could potentially give them hypothermia. The last thing Ciel needed was to get seriously ill. The thought made him press closer to his student, offering his own body heat to try to ensure that the shivering between them was slim to none. Plus, the proximity made Ciel’s scent rise to his nose- sweat, chocolate, the dessert tea they’d enjoyed with the cake.

They had lasted about half an hour in silence before Ciel asked quietly, “So, what happened during breakfast to make you so upset?”

_He wants to talk about that_ now _?_ The older man tightened his grip on his student and sighed, knowing he couldn’t escape this conversation. He didn’t want to lie, after all. Ciel was already on edge from the nightmare, and Sebastian didn’t want to start a long line of miscommunication between them. That never worked in a relationship, and he wanted this relationship to last as long as possible.

So, with a sigh, he admitted, “I have to say that I get a little jealous when Sieglinde is mentioned, and I was a bit blindsided by the knowledge that she was still in town.”

Ciel was silent, and he instantly regretted the idea to be on horseback because he couldn’t see what expression was on his boyfriend’s face. He waited for some response, but it seemed like the teen was trying to mull over what he’d said. He wondered anxiously whether or not it was because Ciel was hiding something from him, and his grip tightened even further.

However, he felt a hand settled on where Sebastian’s were joined. “Why on earth,” Ciel began incredulously, “would you be jealous of _Sieglinde_?”

Embarrassment flooded him, and Sebastian swallowed. “I-I had heard that you…” He sighed. “I heard that you had liked her at one point, and it hadn’t bothered me until I saw her at Thanksgiving. She’s so beautiful and smart and funny, and you two just looked so close that I was positive you two would be a better match than you and I.” The teacher closed his eyes as he added, “And I’m just kind of worried that you’ll realise that as well and leave me.”

They passed several trees before Ciel spoke again. “It’s true I liked her,” he whispered before clearing his throat. “But I grew out of it. Right now, she’s just a very important friend to me, someone who was there for me in a difficult time in my life. I’m no longer attracted to her in the least, and I would’ve told you sooner if I’d known you were so worried.” He squeezed Sebastian’s hands and twisted a bit to look up at him. “I want _you_ , Sebastian. No one else.”

“Are you sure?” he had to ask.

Ciel kissed him on jaw- the closest thing in his position. “I told you when you first asked me to date you that you’re worth it, okay? I would never be able to do this with her; I couldn’t even do this with my aunt. Just you.” 

The teacher’s heart filled with joy, a warm, fuzzy feeling blooming in his chest. The knowledge that he was able to help his precious boy in a way that no one else could satisfied his jealous side, and the sincerity that was heavy in those words chased away any thought that they could be lies. Ciel wouldn’t leave him for her; he wouldn’t leave him at all.

He was amused when the teen turned back around in the saddle, huffing indignantly. “So, yes, I’m sure. After all this time, you still doubt me?”

Sebastian knew that the question was more serious than his tone implied. “I don’t doubt you,” he offered quietly, “just myself, but thank you for your reassurances. You honestly have no idea how happy you just made me.”

“Happy enough to take me into the kitchen and make us some hot chocolate?” Ciel ventured, and Sebastian laughed.

“Of course, my lord,” he indulged, and the boy’s smiled stretched so far across his face that the older man could see the way his cheeks bulged from the side. However, he did nothing else other than steer Lenina around so they could get there as soon as possible.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_Sobbing. Just sobbing came from the room upstairs. The madam was at work, her job calling her in for an emergency despite her pleas for them to allow her just one more day of vacation. It was getting worse, and all of them were afraid to be too far from that room at any point in time. Diedrich was on speed dial. Mey came up with any excuse to pop in to check up on him._

_But the sobbing wouldn’t stop._

_Every noise broke Finny’s heart. He just wished he could wave a magic wand and make the boy- and he was, just a_ boy _, twelve as of today, and too young to feel so alone- happy again. He wished he could bring a smile to Ciel’s face, and they could go back to the life they had, even if it was filled with nightmares and nights when no one got sleep._

_However, as much as he hated the sobbing, the silence was worse. When it went quiet, all of the servants would stop whatever they were doing and one would charge towards the room upstairs to see what was wrong and just hope. Finny hated it when it was him._

_That fear is like none other. Every single breath is trapped in your chest, suffocating you, forcing you to gasp and move faster. He would race up the stairs, sometimes tripping in his haste because he wouldn’t be a Phantomhive servant if he didn’t screw up at least once when he had to do something important. And his eyes would already be full of tears because he was scared of how he would find the boy._

_Hanging from the chandelier, belts around his neck. Pill bottle somehow stolen from the double-locked medicine cabinet lying on the ground near the bed. Tub full of pink water. A gun and pillow lying beside a pool of blood and a wall of splatter. A window opened and a body lying in the grass below._

_And Ciel finally leaving the manor but in a casket that was way too small._

_Only, the silence would only ever be something simple. The boy having finally cried himself to sleep, or him having numbed completely, just sitting in the corner and staring absently at the wall. His blue eyes wouldn’t even move over to Finny, like he was so lost in his head that he couldn’t tell that the teen was there._

_After years in the pediatric ward, Finnian had thought that nothing could hurt anymore. He was wrong. Coming to live with the Phantomhives destroyed him each and every day, but there was no way he could leave. No, he could never abandon Ciel- not for the world._

_When he finally went quiet today, it was Finny’s turn to look. Mey was out at the store, and Tanaka’s back was bothering him. So, he raced up the stairs and towards the door that was always locked but could be easily opened with the key they all had. He opened the door and found the numb preteen at the window, staring down at the white winter scene beneath him._

_“Lunch will be ready soon, young master,” he told Ciel, knowing he had to have a reason for intruding on the boy’s privacy. “Would you like hot chocolate today, birthday boy?”_

_Silence, but that wasn’t new. In fact, his presence hadn’t even made the figure at the window stir. It was like he was a statue, if only he didn’t blink. Despite the bright winter sun, there was no light in his blue eyes. His body was pale in a way that made him look sicklier than when he was stricken with pneumonia._

_“I’ll put cinnamon in it for you,” the gardener assured him, stepping back out into the hallway. “It’ll help keep you warm in this chill.”_

_“I don’t feel cold.” Finny stopped and stared at his employer. The boy actually turned, dull eyes meeting his. “I don’t feel anything; don’t you get it?”_

_“I can help.” He wouldn’t fail his young master. “I will do anything to help you feel better, Ciel.” And Finny would. He would petition God Himself if it meant that it would bring the light back to those sapphire eyes and a smile to those pale lips. “Just tell me how.”_

_The blank expression didn’t change, but the atmosphere around the boy did all the same. He stared at his servant for a long time and did little more than breathe slowly. Then, he stepped quietly over to the blonde until they were only two feet apart._

_“Anything?” came the bitter whisper. “Absolutely anything?”_

_“Of course,” Finny nearly cried. “Anything at all.”_

_Ciel nodded stiffly once before walking over to the bed and grabbing a pillow. The blonde watched him warily, not sure what he would be asked to do. He sincerely doubted that it would be a pillow fight. The boy walked back over to him and held out the pillow._

_“I want you to smother me.” As if he needed to clarify, he added, “To death.”_

_And just with that, Finny broke._

_“God, no!” he screamed, collapsing to his knees and wrapping his arms around the young master’s body. “No, no, no! You can’t ask me to do that!” He pressed his face into the boy’s stomach and couldn’t subdue the helpless sobs that wracked his body. “Please, God, no, Ciel. I couldn’t,” he blubbered. “I just want you to be happy. I just want you to be okay. I don’t want you dead. Please, no.”_

_The boy lowered himself as well to hold onto the gardener, rubbing the back of his neck and wordlessly trying to calm him down again. But he couldn’t stop crying, and he shook his head over and over because_ no, he couldn’t do that, no, no, no _Ciel didn’t argue with him, just held him for what seemed to be hours as the blonde cried for his poor friend that he just wanted to help be happy again._

_“Don’t you understand, Finny?” Ciel asked eventually. “The only way I_ can _be happy is if I’m dead.”_

 

Finny forced his eyes open, cursing the memory back to the furthest corner of his mind. That day wasn’t something he liked to think about, but it sometimes came back to him in dreams or triggered flashbacks. He had managed to talk Ciel down, and they’d sat down with Diedrich later that day to talk about it. However, it still had led to the boy hurting himself in an attempt to end it alone.

Unease filled the blonde, and he put on a robe and slippers, the cold enveloping him as soon as he pulled aside the blankets. He had to go check on Ciel. He had to make sure he was okay.

It was an old fear, one that had plagued him since that day. Now, the silence in a night that was normally anything but silent made him edgy. What was going on? Where was the screaming?

He made it to Ciel’s door without incident, and he knocked softly before entering. However, thanks to the moonlight that was spread across the bed, he could tell that Ciel wasn’t asleep. Heart in his throat, he looked in the bathroom and found no evidence of his young master anywhere. Finny immediately checked the window, memory flashing back to the beginning of October all over again. Only, that, too, gave him no hints to where he could find Ciel.

 

Then, Finnian glanced at the vase on Ciel’s nightstand, and it dawned on him where the teen probably was. He quietly made his way back downstairs and snuck past Bard and Mey’s doors to Mr. Sebastian’s. He’d heard the teen make his way to the room several times the last few days, and it was likely he had started to sleep with his teacher whenever he thought he could get away with it. Of course, it had been almost three weeks now and they hadn't told him that they were dating, so he figured he wouldn't comment on it. After all, he didn't need to lose Ciel's trust again. 

Putting his ear to the wood, he heard silence, but that could just mean that they were in the sleep period. He quietly opened the door, wincing when it creaked. He braced himself for their distrustful looks or even to be yelled at, but there was silence as well. He opened the door all the way and looked around inside, jaw dropping when he realise what he was looking at. He blinked once and waited for his eyes to adjust to the new lighting, but it didn't change at all. 

This bed was empty as well, but Ciel’s day clothes were on the floor. He looked around the room to make sure he was _positive_ that the couple was really not in the room before leaving the room. He was about to start freaking out when he heard a small noise coming from the kitchen, followed by the sound of a pot hitting another pot. Finny cocked his head to the side before a huge smile bloomed on his face. 

He followed them to the kitchen but lingered in the doorway. Trying to keep out of sight, he watched Ciel boost himself up on the counter beside the stove and Sebastian was gathering ingredients for what had to be hot chocolate. The teen was talking about buggies and carriages, and Sebastian was offering different opinions on this and that. Ciel was dressed in his riding clothes and was peeling off layers, and Finny understood why they hadn't been in the room. 

Finny slapped his forehead, feeling stupid on the household’s behalf. If this worked, if it was just December 14 that caused him him the most pain, then it was possible to just avoid them all together. He wondered whether or not Diedrich had tried something like this before- stay up on purposed rather than try to fall asleep and have nightmares or deal with insomnia. He was sure that it had crossed the psychologist’s mind, but Finny couldn’t remember a time when they’d used it.

Suddenly, their conversation stopped, and the blonde looked up to see sapphire and ruby eyes open wide and glued to him. The gardener squeaked, but he clamped a hand over his mouth so he didn’t wake up Bard or Mey. Ciel was frowning, but he motioned with a finger for the peeping tom to come closer, out of the hallway. Finnian felt all the blood drain from his face, and tears welled up in his eyes. He’d been caught! They would yell at him, and his relationship with Ciel would be ruined _again_. 

Only, they didn’t yell at him. Ciel just wordless pointed for Finny to sit on the island and pulled another mug down from the cabinet. Sebastian offered the blonde a smile and went back to preparing the pot of hot chocolate. 

“I’m sorry that we woke you,” the teacher apologised, his voice rumbling as he tried to avoid being loud. “But, we figured this would be a welcome change.”

“Just be thankful you weren’t awake in time to go riding on Lenina,” Ciel grumbled, and the new adult shivered as if even the memory made him cold. “It has to be ready to snow again.”

“That would be perfect for Christmas,” Finny offered, and the teen chuckled. “Do you think we could still play in the snow, young master? Even if you’re an adult now?”

“I don’t see why not.” He shrugged but then smiled impishly, saying in a conspirator’s whisper, “Someone’s got to keep my aunt in line. Nothing like an ice cold snowball to the face to humble you, huh?”

“Oh, we could build snow people!” Sebastian and Ciel shushed him, and he made a tiny _eep_ noise. “So, why were you talking about buggies, young master?” the gardener asked, this time much quieter.

Ciel’s eyes lit up. “Well, I figured it could be like a car in its own sense, and I’ve heard the Amish even make some that have televisions and phones inside them. Or was it the Mennonites?” He thought for a moment but shrugged, obviously not bothered in the least by the specifics. “I was thinking about getting one with a television, but then I remembered that I would be the main person driving so there would be no point.”

_That’s a shame. He shouldn’t have to drive himself all the time. Besides, shouldn’t we have someone who can drive as well in case he’s sick or injured and can’t drive himself?_ The blonde pondered this for a moment before tapping Ciel’s knee. “What if we found someone willing to take on that job? Like, you’ll learn yourself, but then we also have someone who can drive you to and fro as well.” An idea popped into his head, and he began to bounce in his seat. “Or, when you go to town, it can be like your limo. They open the door; then, you walk out all cool and stuff.”

He saw something flash through his employer’s blue eyes, and he was gifted with a tiny, shy smile. “How would you like to? After all, Lenina trusts you, and it would mean that I have protection at all times if I need to.” Turquoise eyes and Finny’s mouth opened wide in shock, unable to believe his ears. However, Ciel just nodded, like he’d decided. “Yes, that’ll do nicely. You can be my gardener and my driver when I need to, and we’ll increase your pay. After all, it’s not in your contract to take me everywhere and- _ooph_.”

Finny wrapped his arms around Ciel’s middle, squeezing happily before he realised the teen couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t help it! He was so honoured that the young master would even consider him for such an important task, let alone actually allow him to do it.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” Finny whispered fiercely. He then straightened and snapped off a salute. “I won’t let you down, young master.”

Ciel laughed, and it warmed his heart, driving away all his anxiety and any thought of the dream. There was no way they would deal with that again. Not when his young master was happy at last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is late. I know. I was hoping that my newly hired Beta would be able to get this to me in just a bit of time, but this is my longest chapter yet, so perhaps it's taking her a while to sift through it. When she does send it to me, I'll update it with the corrections.^^
> 
> So, yay, we have fluff and stuff in this chapter as well as some jealousy and angst. I'll give a free one shot to anyone who thinks that they can interpret the meaning behind Ciel's dreams. _I_ know, but the question is, do _you_ know? I've hinted it several times. XD
> 
> And Ann and Dee. Awww, aren't they cute? Poor little Diedrich has been mourning all alone all these years and now he's got a feisty woman to pull him out of the darkness. Just because you have a career in helping people get their shit together doesn't mean that you always have yours together.
> 
> AND FINNY'S DREAM/MEMORY! MY POOR GARDENER.
> 
> Hmm, will staying up work? How will Boxing Day go when Sieglinde comes over? What type of special goodies will Sebastian get Ciel for Christmas now that he's of age? When will I progress in the story so that we can get to the painful bits that I highlighted will happen in the tags? Find out next time!
> 
> (P.S. Ew, I'm sick. ;_;) 
> 
> EDIT: It has been reviewed and corrected by the lovely Nancy. All hail Nancy. XD You might have sounded like an "English Teacher," but at least you kicked my ass over a few issues that I need kicking over.


	16. The Season of Giving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> December is the perfect time to do something nice for that special someone.

The sun rose on the twenty-fifth of December, hitting Ciel right in the eye from where he lay in Sebastian's arms. He groaned softly and turned into the embrace, shielding his eyes in the chest of his boyfriend. Of course, this movement made the Sebastian stir as well, and soon they were both grumpily shifting around so that neither of them was facing the window. A slate head rubbed itself against a new pyjama shirt, and he wrinkled his nose at the smell of new fabric, unable to find his teacher’s scent where he expected it.

All too soon, he would have to hurry back upstairs and get dressed for the day like he’d been in his own room all night, but he couldn’t bring himself to leave the warmth of the bed just yet. It had snowed for the past four days, so the manor was freezing. He had crawled into Sebastian’s bed around midnight, shivering and grouchy over the fact that he couldn’t figure out how to relight the fireplace in his room. Thankfully, the teacher had taken pity on him and had gladly welcomed a freezing Ciel under his blankets.

When the alarm went off on the bedside table, he whined, burrowing himself closer to the warm chest and shaking his head. He refused to leave; no one could make him. Even when Sebastian chuckled and shifted so that they were eye to eye, he shook his head, pouting at his boyfriend in a silent plea to allow him to stay just another hour. Only, it was all in vain, because they both knew he would have to leave or risk having his aunt figure out where he slept that night. So, with a bit of grumbling, he untangled his limbs from the Sebastian’s and began hunting around for his robe. He’d flung it somewhere last night in his eagerness to join his teacher, so he wasn’t surprised when he found it half hanging off the dresser in the corner.

Sebastian watched as he picked it up and put it on, ruby eyes scanning attentively over the thin frame and making Ciel blush. While nearly a month of being made feel precious and beautiful had boosted his self-confidence incredibly, he was still a bit shy when he was shown just how much the older man loved his appearance. He padded over to the bed and bent to press a kiss to those slightly curved lips, but he was pulled even lower to Sebastian could deepen the kiss, only releasing him when the teen was giddy.

Sneaking back to his room wasn’t a difficult affair. After all, he’d been doing it for weeks, and his aunt tended to rise only when she heard that food was done or very nearly so. Bard and Mey didn’t wake until eight, so he had nearly an hour to pretend to be asleep or to dress and just head downstairs to help Sebastian with breakfast. He enjoyed cooking as long as his teacher was over his shoulder, so they’d started cooking lessons as well, similar to those that Bard had underwent.

Ciel opened his door and shivered at the chill that assaulted him when he stepped inside. It was still early, but he didn’t feel like going back to sleep. Instead, he stripped, took a shower, and decided to just go ahead and get dressed. He approached his dresser, trying to remember whether or not his aunt wanted him to dress nice on Christmas Day or Boxing Day. After all, she liked everyone to look nice for main holidays, but Sieglinde was coming over the next day for dinner. 

His mind drifted to what Sebastian had said on his birthday, that he was worried about what the German girl meant to his student. Sure, Ciel loved talking with her and she was a close friend of his, but he had accepted long ago that they weren’t more than friends. It was better that way, and his small attraction to her had long since faded. Plus, she could be pretty immature at times, and, while it was hilarious at parties, he doubt he could actually deal with it if they dated.

Besides, every time he even _tried_ to imagine doing the things that he did with Sebastian with Sieglinde instead, the picture became hazy. He literally could not conceive of wrapping _his_ arms around _her_ \- she would be the little spoon, after all- while they slept or kissing so long that they were both desperate for air when they broke apart. No, the only person he could do any of that with was his teacher, and he hoped he had made that point abundantly clear for the older man. After all, the last they needed on such a nice day was for Sebastian to be overcome with jealousy. Although, that _could_ be fun, if used to his advantage…

Ciel shook his head and decided to just go ahead and dress nice. Better safe than sorry. He opened the appropriate drawers, settling for something with a burgundy colour scheme and slid on a pair of house shoes. It would be better than going barefoot in this chill, and part of Mey’s job was to mop the floors anyways. The teen shut his drawers again, but something grabbed his attention.

Frames sat on the dresser, and the sight made him smile. One was him and his parents, only hours before the crash and recently discovered in a disposable camera in his desk. It had been bought for the occasion, so all twenty-seven photos had been full of Rachel or Vincent helping Ciel open gifts. Ann had gotten it developed for him shortly after his birthday, and this one was his favourite. Someone- probably Tanaka- had snapped a sweet photo of him blowing out the candles on a two-tier chocolate cake, his parents smiling on either side of him.

He sighed and glanced over at another. This one had been taken the spring after Finny had been hired. The six of them- Ciel, his aunt, and the servants- had taken up positions in the flowerbed, tulips and lilies providing a vibrant backdrop. This one had been on his computer for a while, and he’d decided to print it out when he began to frame things. He’d been able to fight off the depression that time, but he remembered all too well that it hadn’t lasted. However, the sweet image of Ann hugging him from behind as they stood under an archway made by the servants’ arms was able to block out everything but the good memories.

To the right of that photo was a series of three frames all attached to each other. All three were taken at Thanksgiving, and Ciel silently thanked his aunt for insisting that they take them. The one on the left was of him, Sieglinde, Lizzy, Soma, and Finny- or what his aunt had called the “Younger Generation.” The next was one of all of them at the table, captured in deep conversation. Diedrich had set it on a timer for a secret amount of time, and Ann had had instructed them to just talk. It was sweet, and he was internally smug over the fact that he had been leaning across the table to talk to Sebastian, who was smiling warmly at his student in turn.

The last one was of all of them in the entrance, standing on different levels of the stairs. Eric, Alan, Grell, Diedrich, and Tanaka- in that order- stood on the top tier. Two steps down, from right to left, stood Wolfram, Mey, Bard, Aunt Ann, Sebastian, and Dr. Agni. In front of them, on ground level, were the younger ones. Soma stood between Agni and Sebastian, Ciel between Sebastian and his aunt, Lizzy between Ann and Bard, Finny between Bard and Mey, and Sieglinde being held up by a combined effort of her neighbours. They’d offered to let her stay in her chair or for all of them to sit down so she wouldn’t stick out, but she’d refused. Thus, the bottom row all had their arms wrapped around their neighbours’ lower backs so it wouldn’t be weird for Finny to have one of his curled firmly around Sieglinde, and the adults above them had their hands on the shoulders of who stood in front of them. That way, Mey and Wolfram wouldn’t be so obvious as they helped hold her stay upright as well. It had actually turned out nicely, and he absolutely loved it.

Sure, he’d lost his parents, but now it was obvious that he hadn’t lost his family.

He felt tired, despite getting the most sleep in the end of December that he had in a while. After his birthday, true to Sebastian’s prediction, he had barely been stricken with nightmares. While he wasn’t absolutely free from them, the intensity of them had greatly decreased. Diedrich had commented that perhaps it was a self-fulfilling prophecy that had him screaming into the night year after year- he expected to have awful nightmares, so awful nightmares he had. However, the boy was waiting anxiously for the other shoe to drop.

Ciel reached inside the dresser and pulled up the false bottom so he could retrieve what he had so carefully hidden in its depths. The teen pulled out a white locket that was shaped like a chess knight and held only a small lock of black hair inside. He’d sealed it shut almost immediately, too worried that it might come open and the treasure inside would be lost. Sebastian had given it to him as a “sample” of his actual Christmas gift a few days prior. The teacher had the matching black knight, and Ciel had donated a bit of his hair as well. It was an old practice, but it would be less conspicuous than having a locket with their photos inside. That was also why he sealed it; his aunt would be less likely to question a necklace than a locket.

Sebastian’s gift from him wouldn’t be so… physical. Of course, he had a minor trinket to give to his boyfriend for appearances’ sake, but that wasn’t the main present. He had plans, plans that could only be done when they were alone. The only question was just how big of a present to give him.

He wasn’t stupid. He knew very well what would eventually happen between the two of them if their relationship continued. Sex was something that he wanted, but Ciel had to admit that he was also terrified. He was far from submissive, but he couldn’t see himself topping his teacher in any situation. Sebastian’s personality didn’t match one of a bottom, and all of his _dreams_ with the two of them had his back pressed to the mattress, Sebastian thrusting into him- not the other way around. That had to be a clear sign of where he wanted to be from his subconscious.

But that position was the most risky. After he had grown interested in the teacher, the teen had naturally done his research. After pouring over website after website and even a trip to an adult bookstore when they were in town, he had quickly begun to realise there were many ways that he could potentially be hurt if they weren’t careful. He’d made the mistake of even researching horror stories so he would know what to avoid. He’d found several accounts of something ripping due to not properly prepping in the beginning, and they were usually followed with an infection that required medical attention.

Ciel had a general estimate of how… _big_ his boyfriend was. After all, when you slept in the same bed with a man for several nights, you were bound to wake up with morning wood pressed against your back at some point. Thus, with it pressed inch by inch against his back, he had a rough idea of how much would be stretching him open, and he knew that there would be serious consequences if they didn’t properly prep before sex.

There were other things he could do; he realised this. Even if he couldn’t jerk off himself, he could at least give Sebastian head if he wanted to, but that brought a whole slew of problems as well. What if Ciel wasn’t as good as the man’s previous boyfriends? What if he made him go soft because he was so bad at it and Sebastian was disgusted with him? It was the same with giving the man a hand-job. He couldn’t do it for himself, so he had no idea how to go about it. Sure, the books and articles gave plenty of tips, but shy of watch porn, he had no idea what any of that looked like.

But he was ready to move past kissing. He was ready for something different, and he wanted to prove to Sebastian first that he was capable of all that. If he wowed Sebastian without him giving pointers, Ciel could prove just how much he belonged in the older man’s bed after all.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ann adjusted a bulb on their Christmas tree, making sure the antique glass didn’t come tumbling down onto the ground and break. Bard had found them in the attic, and the house had grouped together a few days ago to put it together after Finny had cut down a tall fir tree. Ciel had smiled throughout the whole ordeal, such a strong contrast from the year before. 

_He’s so happy_ , she thought proudly. _There’s even a new air about him now. It’s like he carries a sense of self-confidence with him, especially when trying something new. He takes pride in what he does. The rain cloud follows him still, but it refuses to break over him._

She smiled at an ornament that said “Baby’s First Christmas 1997” on a ceramic shoe in pretty script. It had been in a small shop in France, and she’d hadn’t been able to resist bringing it home to present it to her shocked sister upon her return. Rachel had immediately hung it on their tree, and it had been there for the next nine years.

This Christmas would be different. They would continue the tradition, and they would even travel together to hunt down more ornaments all around the country. Together the two of them could keep building new traditions through the years. Finally, they were making progress, and he was starting to pull himself out of the shadows. He would finally be her happy nephew again. 

She was snapped out of her thoughts by the sound of steps on the stairs. Ann looked up to see Ciel descending down the steps, dressed simply in a pair of burgundy slacks, a white polo, and a bowtie to match his slacks. He smiled at her, and she beamed back. That was something new as well. He greeted people with smiles now, rather than frowning constantly. It made her want to spin him in her arms until he was dizzy.

“We’re going to open presents as soon as Dee gets here,” she informed him. “Then, we’ll have breakfast. Bard and Sebastian are in there right now putting together all sorts of nice things. Do you want to help them?”

Surprisingly, he shook his head. “I just came down here to figure out how much time I have left.” She frowned slightly at that, so he clarified, “I have a few finishing touches to put on your presents.”

Ann blushed and waved him away. “You didn’t have to get me anything, sweetheart. You know that,” she objected. Ciel getting everyone presents meant he was growing up. That wasn’t allowed. “But thank you for thinking of me, honey.”

He rolled his eyes. “I’ll get you whatever I want to, Aunt Ann, whether you like it or not,” the teen argued, but he smiled and wrapped his arms around her. “Happy Christmas.”

“Happy Christmas, honey,” she murmured, stroking his hair. She looked around the presents and joked, “Santa didn’t get you a bike this year, either. I hope you don’t mind.”

He pulled away, feigning offense. “But you _promised_ he would get _everything_ off my list,” he protested, stomping his foot like a spoiled child. She laughed and shoved at him, and he cackled as he raced back up the stairs to put his finishing touches on whatever had gotten all of them.

The pile of presents was huge, piled high from seven people in one house who all could purchase and receive presents. Some of the packages, wrapped up in pretty red paper, were labelled with Tanaka’s name under the “From” line. She smiled when she noted that the largest was for Ciel. The old man always had a soft spot for her nephew, treating him more like a grandson than an employer. She could remember one Christmas when Ciel had made everyone foam ornaments at school and had given to one to “Gramps to put on the pretty tree in his room.”

She was stirred from her thoughts by a knock on the door, and the steward emerged from nowhere to open it. Ann came over as well, grinning happily when the open door revealed Diedrich, covered in snow and holding a canvas bag full of presents. It was a very white Christmas, the snow having fallen for the last three hours. Thankfully, Dee didn’t seem to be too cold where he stood, but she and Tanaka hurried him into the sitting room all the same. The steward started the fire before taking the bags of presents out to the tree.

Since they were alone, Ann bent to press a kiss to his lips, the moustache above them tickling her nose just a bit. He hummed and pulled her into his lap, cold hands firmly gripping her as he dug his frozen nose against the back of her neck. Of course, she shrieked and tried to squirm out of his grip, but he wouldn’t let her, chuckling at her desperation. Finally, Ann just gave up, deciding that if he was going to be rude enough to press all the cold bits on her, she would torture him back.

So, she turned around and licked his cheek.

“ _Ugh_!” he groaned, letting go of her to wipe at his face in disgust. She giggled, earning a frown and a raised eyebrow. “How _old_ are you?” he demanded, but his hands settled on her hips so she wouldn’t fall.

“‘What’s the point of being grown-up if you can’t be childish sometimes?’” she teased, and he swatted at her. However, as soon as she stopped giggling, he started tickling her sides, making her start laughing hysterically again. With his grip on her waist, she was stuck there, unable to wiggle free. “Diedrich!” she managed to gasp out between laughing.

“ _Ann and Diedrich, sitting in a tree_ ,” she heard her nephew sing from the doorway, causing them both to stop and turn red as they looked up at him, “ _K-I-S-S-I-N-G_.” 

“H-Hey, Ciel,” Ann greeted, stammering in her embarrassment. He waved at her, waggling his fingers playfully. Diedrich had buried his face in her shoulder to avoid the teen’s eyes. They’d been caught red-handed, and there was no way that her nephew would let them off the hook easily. “Did you finish those presents already?” she continued lamely.

“Yes, it didn’t take long.” He glanced up and down their bodies, and a smug smirk curved up the side of his mouth. “At least, I _thought_ it didn’t take long, but it seems I was wrong.” He leaned against the doorway. “Since _Uncle_ Diedrich is here, did you want to open presents?”

Her face had to be redder than her hair. _Please, God, just kill me now_ , she thought miserably as Diedrich groaned loudly into her shoulder. However, after a few moments, it was obvious that she wasn’t going to be spared from this, and she decided to just make the most of it.

“Of course, but if you could give your _uncle_ and I some space for a moment, that would be lovely.” She heard another noise of protest from the older man’s hiding spot, and Ciel snickered. Thankfully, he decided that he had tortured them enough and went back to the entrance, closing the door behind him.

Ann turned in Diedrich’s lap, wrapping her arms around him as he slid his face into the valley between her breasts. He grumbled something against her heart, and she pulled away, making an inquiring noise that he just frowned at. Only, at her raised eyebrow, he rolled his eyes and said, “Like father, like son.”

She chuckled and kissed him on the lips, lingering there for a moment before sliding from his arms. “Come on. The next thing he’ll do is come in here with a camera or something and put this on next year’s Christmas card.”

They shuffled out to the entrance, where everyone else was already claiming spots in front of the tree. Tanaka and Sebastian had brought out folding tables to set tea and hot chocolate out, and Finny dropped a few large cushions and blankets down so the hard floor wouldn’t be as cold. She sunk down on a red one beside Ciel, and Diedrich sat beside her, groaning in protest.

However, she looked up to see Tanaka standing, his smile sad as he looked at them all. “Ciel,” she murmured, getting her nephew’s attention. “Get Tanaka a chair from the dining room, would you?”

“Oh, no, Madam, that’s not necessary,” the steward started to protest, but Ciel had already taken off, and he soon pushed in an armchair instead, sliding it until it was close to the tree as well. There, the teen gestured to the seat with a flourish and a smile, and Ann swore that Tanaka looked ready to cry.

To save him from the attention, she cleared her throat and asked, “Who’s getting the first present? Everyone think of a number between one and one hundred.”

“Seventy-six!” Finny chirped excitedly.

“Nineteen,” Ciel offered.

“Twenty-four.”

“Eighty-one.”

“Um, thirty.”

Diedrich looked at her like she was crazy, and Tanaka just shook his head. So, she smiled at Sebastian, who had guessed eighty-one. “It was one hundred, so Mr. Michaelis wins.”

Ciel slid and grabbed a small gift from a pile that was wrapped in blue wrapping paper with white snowflakes. “This is from me,” he told his teacher as he handed it to him.

“Thank you.” Pale fingers ripped at the ends of the package, and he tore eagerly at the paper to uncover his gift. A small chuckle bubbled out of him as he began to open the nondescript cardboard box, and she suspected that he already knew what was inside. Her suspicions were confirmed when he started laughing louder, pulling out a small stuffed animal. It was a plush, black kitten, and when he squeezed it, it meowed back at him. “Aww, Ciel, it’s adorable.”

“I figured I could give you that since you can’t own a cat while you’re here.” At everyone else’s confused looks, Ciel shrugged. “Mr. Michaelis loves cats, but I’m allergic to them, which means he can’t have one at the manor.” He gestured to the toy. “Now, he can.”

Ann giggled. “You’re so sweet.” He stuck his tongue out at her, and she rolled her eyes. “Okay, everyone go ahead.”

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ciel hauled his stuff up the stairs, hearing his aunt still gushing upstairs about how cute her new dress was. He tried to act annoyed, but it was honestly really sweet, especially since Diedrich had gotten it for her. It was blood red and clung to all of her curves, flattering her figure tremendously. How the man had managed to get the perfect size, the teen had no idea. He really hadn’t pegged the German man for being that knowledgeable in terms of clothing, but he’d really hit the nail on the head with that one.

He pushed his door open and dropped all of the gifts on the bed. After he closed the door, he smiled at the array before him, surprised at how thoughtful his family was when it came to choosing things for him. He picked the tin of tea that Mey had gotten him, popping it open to inhale the scent of his favourite blend of Earl Grey. She’d stuffed it down a very nice travel mug that kept half a litre of liquid hot for twenty-four hours and cold for twelve. The maid had smiled and told him sweetly it was for when he went to college and wanted to take tea with him.

Finny had gotten him a glass vase that had been crafted downtown. It was blue with a single silver rose in the middle, and light shown through it beautifully. The gardener admitted that he had bought it hopes that he could start bringing in flowers to brighten up Ciel’s room. However, based on the sparkle in the gardener’s eyes, he suspected that it was also so Sebastian could leave him more roses like he had on his birthday.

Bard had ordered Ciel his own apron and chef’s hat, saying that the boy would need it if he would be helping them in the kitchen. They were both in neutral tones of grey and white, but the Phantomhive crest had been embroidered into the breast pocket of the apron and around the bottom of the hat. He had smiled when Sebastian’s eyes had lit up, no doubt thinking up cliché fantasies of his boyfriend in nothing but the apron.

Shaking that thought from his head, he picked up the polished jewellery box that Tanaka had gotten him. It was dark grey, and it played music when opened, a silver horse spinning in the centre. He had placed inside it two rings that he recognised but had thought he’d never see again. Both of them had been on his father’s hands during the accident, and Ciel was surprised that neither of them had so much as a scorch mark. The first was a gold signet ring with their crest, used mostly in the older generations for stamping official documents. The other was an ornamental silver ring set with a square-cut sapphire. His father had worn both of them constantly, but he had said that the sapphire ring had been given to the first Phantomhive, an earl who had worked for the government. While the signet ring fit him perfectly, the sapphire ring was too large for his thin fingers, so he figured he could just wear it on a chain. Until then, he would wear it on his thumb. Tanaka informed him that the rings had been left to him for when he turned eighteen, and the jewellery box was something that the steward had brought with him from Japan.

Diedrich had handed him another relic, but this one was centred primarily on his father- a photo album of Vincent and Diedrich in high school and college. There were several images of his mom as well, smiling as her then boyfriend held her in his arms. The psychologist told him that he had found them in a storage unit earlier in the year and decided that Ciel should have them. After all, Diedrich admitted that he had already scanned them onto his computer and wasn’t so sentimental that he needed to keep the originals. It was nice to have more pictures of his parents, and it was strange to see his dad and doctor at his age.

Ann’s gift was in a small package, but it still meant the world to him. He’d opened the card and discovered that it was a business card for the Amish man that Alan had recommended. She’d laughed at his confused face and told him that she had made an appointment with the man to visit him on the fifteenth of January to look at buggies and carriages. He lived close enough that Ciel could ride Lenina, and they would pick out something for him to ride home in.

Finally, his eyes landed on the other card on his bed. This one had been tucked inside the box of the chessboard that Sebastian had gotten him. The set was in hues of black and light grey and came with a stand so that it could stand alone without needed a table. When he’d gone to reach for the card, Sebastian had shaken his head, eyes flicking over to Ann cautiously. So, while everyone was putting breakfast on the table, he had snuck into a bathroom and opened it, curious to see what his teacher had written. When he pulled out the single piece of cardstock, his jaw had nearly dropped and his entire face had heated up. Only two words had been written with a fountain pen in black, elegant script:

_For favours_

It didn’t take a freaking genius to figure out what type of favours Sebastian was talking about. He suddenly understood the chess piece necklaces, and he had an idea for how to give his teacher his other present. While it would a huge blow to his pride to throw a game of chess, he figured the ending result would be well worth it. Besides, when all was said and done, he could make it a whole lot more interesting.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sebastian waited until Madam Red had left with Diedrich to go to Grell’s Christmas party before he headed up to Ciel’s room. The teen had sent him a chess emoji around one with a clock emoji that pointed at nine o’clock, and the teacher had translated that to mean that he wanted to play chess this evening. The man’s heart beat faster as he tried to guess whether or not they were going to add extra conditions to this game or not. While he’d left that note for the teen, he didn’t really expect Ciel to want to act on it so quickly.

However, if that was the case, he wasn’t complaining.

At nine, he knocked on the door to his student’s room, waiting only a second before he heard the teen call, “Enter.”

Sebastian smiled as he walked in, taking in the sight of the teen sitting regally- legs neatly crossed and hands placed on his top knee- in his armchair. Ciel had set up the board already, placing the white pieces in front of him and leaving the black set to his teacher. His seat wasn’t as elegant as his student’s- a dining room chair that must have been hauled upstairs by Finny- but it was comfortable when he sat down. Blue eyes watched him as he sunk down in front of the board, mouth set in an impassive line.

“The rules have been modified.” The teen received a nod; Sebastian had suspected as much. “Just as our game many months ago, the loser of the match owes the winner a favour, but we won’t share trivia about ourselves every time a piece is taken off the board.” He uncrossed his legs and leaned forwards, reaching for his first piece. “We shall instead take off an article of clothing.”

_Well, he certainly decided to spice things up, didn’t he?_ Sebastian mused with a smile as the first pawn was slid into place. Here, he’d expected to come in and find his student a flustering mess, trying to figure out how far he wanted to go, but it seemed that he was interested in going pretty far this evening. It was still to be seen whether or not the favour that he referred to would be cashed in after the game or at a later date. Somehow, he doubted that it would be for Sebastian to help him with horseback riding. _This certainly shall be interesting._

It didn’t take long into the game for the teacher to eliminate one of the teen’s rooks. He’d almost clucked his tongue in disapproval at the amateur mistake, but then Ciel stood from his seat, almost eager to obey the rules that he’d set forth. A small smirk played at his lips only for a second, vanishing as he untied and then pulled off his burgundy bowtie. He sat back down slowly and set the silk down on the table beside the board, and Sebastian couldn’t help but stare at it. However, his eyes soon drifted over to the sapphire eyes that were latched onto him with some emotion that he couldn’t decipher.

“You remind me of a tiger,” Sebastian admitted softly, “waiting to snatch up a helpless gazelle.”

That earned him a smile. “Better watch out, or I’ll snatch _you_ up.” He leaned forwards to move his queen closer to the teacher’s knight. “And you have more to… _lose_ than I do.” He sat back, and Sebastian watched as he spread his thin legs apart, the small smirk returning to his features and not leaving this time.

True to his word, the next piece lost was one of Sebastian’s pawns in a sad attempt to skirt past the boy’s bishop. Ciel took his time removing the pawn, looking up at his teacher from under hooded eyes. He was waiting, shamelessly looking over the older man’s body to attempt to guess what he would take off. Sebastian had decided to wear a suit that day, especially since they originally thought that Sieglinde would come spend the night and he wanted to look good for his boyfriend in his rival’s presence. That meant that he had on his locket, an undershirt, boxers, socks, dress shirt, tie, suit jacket, and slacks, and he had a feeling that he wouldn’t leave the game with a single article on.

Deciding to prove that he could hold his own when it came to flirting, he also stood to remove his clothing. Then, slowly, he flipped open each button on his suit jacket, heart beating faster as he saw the boy’s bottom lip gently bitten, and the teen slid one of his hands to rest on his gut, clenching the fabric there. Sebastian smiled enticingly at him, slipping the jacket off after unfastening each button and draping it over the back of his student’s chair. He made sure that his body loomed over the younger man, his chest inches from those wide sapphire eyes. 

When he sat back down again, Ciel’s lips were slightly parted, and a pink tongue came out to wet them. Sebastian smirked and moved a piece forwards, setting his sights on the king and not giving a damn anymore how many pieces he lost in the process. He had a feeling that the prize for winning would be worth stripping down to nothing but his locket, and he refused to lose for the third time this week to his student. 

Ciel made another careless mistake, and Sebastian capitalised on that, ruthlessly taking out the knight with his queen. The younger male blew out a sigh so exaggerated that his opponent wondered if he hadn’t sacrificed the piece. After all, it wasn’t like Ciel to lose so quickly in the game, and the price for losing wasn’t something that either one of them would mind paying.

A slow smile worked its way up his lips; if his precious boy was trying to throw a game, then he would make sure to make it worth his effort.

However, the teen wasn’t moving, his hands gripping the arms of his chair almost protectively and his eyes betraying an emotion that Sebastian did recognise. After all this time, he thought that the two of them had moved past being ashamed of their bodies in the other’s presence, but it seemed it wasn’t so. A blush was slowly rising up from beneath the collar of his crisp, white polo, and he finally looked away from Sebastian in embarrassment. The teacher tried to figure out what had spurred on this sudden shyness once again, and only one answer seemed to fit.

_He_ does _want to do something tonight- something beyond kissing._

Sebastian stood from his chair and rounded the table, getting on his knees in front of his student and smiling up that the dark red face. “My lord,” he purred, hoping it would bring back his boyfriend’s confidence, “would you like some help?” 

He asked this expecting to get a scowl and a waspish _no_ , but it seemed that this was not something that Ciel was comfortable with after all. Very quietly, he murmured, “Take it off, Sebastian. Could you?” 

_Oh, my darling boy, if you only knew how adorable you are in my eyes, you wouldn’t have a single reservation._ Sebastian nodded once and pressed a chaste kiss to the frowning lips. “Of course, my lord. Anything for you.” His hands slowly made their way towards the top button, wanting to give the teen plenty of time to change his mind. As much as he wanted to continue their game, he refused to make his boyfriend uncomfortable over it. However, Ciel didn’t stop him, just stared at the older man’s face uneasily.

Finally, Sebastian couldn’t take it anymore. He looked up into those blue eyes and kissed the corner of each one. In a firm voice, he assured him, “You _do not_ have to do anything that you’re uncomfortable with. I didn’t get you this expecting you to try anything before you were ready, and I would rather wait until you’re not scared.”

Only, this seemed to distress Ciel further. “I-I’m ready for this!” he insisted, mouth slipping into that characteristic scowl and making Sebastian feel about one-thousand-percent better. However, it dimmed a bit as he admitted, “I’m just worried about messing it up.” He squirmed in his seat, refusing to look Sebastian in the eye. “I just want to be good enough for you, since you have more experience than I do, and I’m worried I’m just going to embarrass myself.”

All the air left the teacher’s chest, and he felt his face heat up as his heart pounded almost painfully against his ribs. While it was always in the back of his head how new Ciel was with all of this, he hadn’t realised that the teen would be nervous because he thought that he had to compare to one of Sebastian’s old partners. In terms of their relationship, the younger male had always seemed like he was putting everything else that came before behind them.

“Oh, love,” he murmured softly, wrapping his arms around the thin from and squeezing it to his chest. He felt his student’s tiny arms curl around his chest and return the embrace, Ciel’s nose pressing into the base of the older man’s neck. “I told you, haven’t I? You are the most precious thing to me, and there’s not a thing you could do to embarrass yourself in front of me. Don’t you worry about anyone else; _you’re_ the one that I’m with, right?” He got a tiny nod, and he tilted his head to press a kiss to the first patch of skin he could find. “So, don’t worry about it.”

Ciel nodded again and slowly let him go, pausing only to squeeze the older man’s hands before his own reached up for the buttons of his polo. Sebastian opened his mouth to assure him that they could stop for the night, but he was shushed and got a glare in return. “You took my knight, Sebastian. A rule is a rule.” He popped each button free slowly, blue eyes lidded as he rediscovered his confidence, and it wasn’t long before he slipped the article over his head, chest moving forward in his efforts and almost pressing a pink nipple right into his teacher’s parted lips.

His boyfriend’s body never failed to make his heart race, the milky skin almost completely unmarred, save a couple thin scars that had been left over from the accident that started all of this. Unable to help himself, he pressed a few butterfly kisses over the teen’s heart and down to his belly button. Sebastian moved to kiss his sides, remembering how ticklish they were, but he received an indignant swat on the top of his head instead. Shocked, the older man looked up, unable to keep the pout off his lips.

“We’re playing a game,” Ciel reminded him with a smirk. “Or are you such a pervert that you forgot the moment you saw me shirtless?”

 _The game. That’s right. It’s his turn._ Sebastian continued to pout, but he dutifully reclaimed his seat across from Ciel, wishing desperately now that the game was played side-by-side rather than across from each other. He blew out a sigh and propped his arm up on the free space of the table to watch his student’s next move.

Of course, the knight had been a trap, one that even during that small episode had not escaped the teen’s mind. Sebastian watched, jaw dropping, as a pawn took out his queen without much difficulty. Ciel placed the piece beside his pawn and leaned back, going back to his regal pose from earlier. Though he couldn’t bring himself to put much heat behind it, the teacher glared at that smug expression and stood from his seat.

 _Fine. You wanna play games? I’ll play games_ , he thought, forcing his face to adapt one of his sarcastically pleasant smiles as he loosened his tie. Ciel watched him, but his boyfriend could tell that he was losing interest already. After all, he just thought he was taking off his tie. However, his eyes widened when Sebastian started unbuttoning his dress shirt instead, slipping the tie back around his neck as he elected to remove his shirt like the teen had. While he wasn’t completely shirtless afterwards, the skin-tight, white undershirt left little to the imagination, and he smirked as he draped the shirt over the back of his chair and reclaimed his seat.

“My turn?” he asked sweetly, and he shifted one of his rooks towards the white queen. Ciel gaped at him for just another moment before he grinned and moved one of his pawns, accepting the challenge and allowing his newfound confidence to spur him forwards. They moved back and forth a few turns, both of them setting up strategies rather than look for just taking pieces. While the short-term prize was great, he for one was more interested in the long-term. He was already trying to picture what he would do with his favour.

Unfortunately, the next piece to be taken was also his- another pawn- and he sighed. He stretched teasingly, making sure even the minor muscles in his arms were flexing with his torso before he shrugged. Ciel’s face was turning red, but his smile was still firmly in place as Sebastian pulled his undershirt off, leaving his tie to be the only thing to cover his torso. His sapphire canned shamelessly over the slightly toned muscles that were now exposed. While the teacher wasn’t one of those meatheads who had more muscles than they knew what to do with, he occasionally liked to exercise when he was stressed. He had to say the obvious approval in Ciel’s eyes calmed him down, especially since they very rarely were so underdressed around each other.

However, this just encouraged him to go ahead and take one of Ciel’s bishops, and the teen scoffed playfully. With a slight pout, he teased, “What? I can’t get a moment to admire you?”

“Oh, you can,” he assured the boy, relaxing against the back of his seat. “But you have to take off your pants first.” Red eyes were glued to those pale fingers as they eased the thin body from his seat, and Ciel walked over to the side of Sebastian’s chair so he could grab the man’s shoulder to balance himself. When he still wobbled, the older man pushed his chair out a bit so he could get up and hold him steady. However, it seemed that that wasn’t the little imp’s intentions, and he soon became a chair himself as Ciel slipped his slacks down his thighs and down to the floor.

Once he was done, he turned around and straddled Sebastian’s hips, their eyes inches from each other. “Can I admire you now?” came the heated whisper, warm fingers already trailing over his teacher’s body and down his sides. “I’ll let you do whatever _you_ want for half a minute.”

His eyes skimmed over milky skin, and he reached out to grab a hold of the offered thighs, earning a soft gasp from above him. Surprisingly, the teen had slightly thick thighs despite the rest of his body being anything but thick. Sebastian shifted the boy’s body up so that he could kiss and gently suck at the rare bit of fat, making Ciel moan. The noise was accompanied by fingers sliding desperately in his hair. He glanced up to make sure he was in the clear but got distracted by the thin waist once again. With a soft groan, he sampled the soft skin, nibbling softly along the edges but making sure he soothed the area with kitten licks before he made his way up to protruding ribs. The fingers in his hair tightened every so often, coupled with a tiny moan, and he strove to earn more.

God, he could spend all day doing this, lavishing his precious boy’s body with affection and listening to the soft mewls that passed his lips, but it seemed that Ciel had been serious about the thirty seconds. Right as he moved to finally take hold of one of the perked tips near the teen’s heart, the body slipped from his arms. Sebastian let out a pained noise of protest, but his boyfriend only wagged a lecturing finger as he made his way back to his seat.

“But, Sebastian,” he whined playfully, sliding the armchair closer to the board, “it’s my turn.” He sat sideways, legs propped up over one of the armrests and in full view of the very frustrated teacher. To make matters worse, the teen had decided that it was a briefs day, the dark blue fabric doing very little to hide his stiffening erection. For the sake of his sanity, however, he ripped his gaze away from the growing tent and darkening spot in the front of the fabric, and his eyes focused intently on Ciel as he moved his queen towards one of Sebastian’s knights. The teacher watched, amused, and the piece was plucked off the board, and he finally slipped his tie off.

However, he decided that Ciel was a little too close to being completely undressed for his own good. With calm but still teasing steps towards his student, he loomed over the eager teen and fit the loop over the slate locks. Once it was loosely around the thin neck, he tugged on it, bringing Ciel’s parted lips an inch from his own.

“Are you ready to lose, love?” he whispered, smiling as blue latched onto his lips rather than the crimson eyes staring at him. “ _Because I am definitely ready to win_.” 

Ciel smirked, shaking his head. “Over my dead… _body_ ,” he returned, knowing that the verbal cue would pull Sebastian’s gaze towards the warm flesh in front of him. However, he didn’t let the teacher get distracted for long, teasing in a sing-song voice, “Your turn.”

Sebastian chuckled, pecking the smirking lips but letting go of the tie. He made his way back to his seat and evaluated his next move, refocusing his efforts back towards the king.

They continued their game silently, the only noise in the room being the scraping and soft _thuds_ of the pieces moving on the board. Occasionally, Sebastian would look up to see blue eyes latched onto his body, but they would snap right back to the chessboard. It was amusing, seeing him pretend to be so concentrated on the game when it was obvious that he was just undressing his teacher with his eyes.

“You’re wearing your locket,” he heard the teen murmur as the older man moved a pawn into a space on the opposite end of the board.

“Queen, please,” he requested, and he smiled as the swap was made. As he strategized, he nodded to his student’s comment. “I’ve been wearing it since I gave you yours. I noticed that you are not wearing yours, but I didn’t want to comment on it.” In all honesty, he had been a little hurt when he didn’t seen it hanging around the boy’s neck, but he wasn’t petty enough to expect Ciel to wear it constantly just because it had been given to him.

When he looked up, he was met with a mysterious little smile. “I figured that it would be an unnecessary obstacle for our game.” Blue momentarily disappeared as the teen slowly blinked, lips curving even more. “Something else to take off,” he added, moving his king so that it was protected by the white queen and a rook, “when I just wanted the _bare minimum_.”

Sebastian fingered the chain to his, wondering if he should remove it next after all. With the direction things were heading, he didn’t want to worry about the metal chaffing his skin when he started to get sweaty. He didn’t have long to decide, since Ciel’s next turn eliminated his other knight when it got a little too close for comfort to the boy’s king.

He lifted the pendant in a silent question to make sure it was acceptable, and Ciel nodded, though he looked like he’d been cheated out of a prize. Sebastian unclasped the chain, gently lifting it from his body and setting it on the table. It wasn’t done sensually, the locket meaning too much to him to risk being showy with it. Inside, he had a tiny piece of Ciel to carry with him always, and he didn’t want to lose it.

His eyes went back to the chessboard, and he shifted forwards in his chair to evaluate the possible moves he could make. Seeing a strategy that could win him the game, he shifted his queen forwards, smiling pleasantly at his student to keep his plan off his face. Ciel rolled his eyes, taking the opportunity that Sebastian had provided for him to take out the teacher’s bishop. However, it would be the teen’s downfall.

With a smirk, the teacher obediently stood, sliding the slacks down his thighs before letting them fall to the ground, cocking a hip out to set his hand on. “You know, you’ll regret that move,” he admonished. “I thought you were actually trying to beat me, not see how much I could take off.”

“I _am_ going to beat you,” the teen argued, raising a haughty eyebrow and crossing his arms over his chest. “You haven’t beaten me for a while, Sebastian.”

“Oh, really?” He sat back down and moved his rook into position, smirking. “Because I do believe that your king is now in checkmate.” The older man had to laugh at the expression of shock on Ciel’s face, his mouth even dropping open as he looked at every single angle. He would find none, since Sebastian had taken advantage of the distraction that strip chess brought and set a very elaborate trap for his student.

He got up from his seat as Ciel was still looking over the board, standing between the teen and the game and unable to keep the grin off his face. He leaned down until their mouths were close enough that his lips brushed Ciel’s as he whispered, “And I want my favour.”

The younger man pouted for a moment, and Sebastian thought he would argue over it, only for thin fingers to comb up through his hair and yank his mouth against Ciel’s. He groaned into the kiss, taking over as he switched their positions so that he was sitting and the teen straddled his lap. Surprisingly, he was allowed dominance fairly easily, and he accepted it, licking the seam of his boyfriend’s lips. Ciel moaned, parting his lips so that Sebastian could stroke his tongue against the shy one waiting for him.

Suddenly, he felt something stiff rub against his cock, giving him much needed friction and no doubt offering the same to Ciel, if the harsh gasp against his mouth was any indicator. Sebastian pulled away to turn his attention towards the thin hips that balanced precariously above his own, sliding his hands down to show the teen how it was done. It seemed that each new step was awkward for his student, and it was _his_ job to instruct the boy when he wanted to learn.

“You did it,” he murmured in Ciel’s ear, unable to help that his voice had dropped an octave and rumbled in his chest. “Just like that, love.” He eased Ciel’s hips down so that the teen’s erection rubbed against his again, pleasure shooting through his body at the contact. Embarrassed, the boy pressed his face into Sebastian’s shoulder, moaning loudly against the skin. However, he moved against, rolling his hips experimentally so that they rutted against each other, and the older man gripped his lover tightly, unable to feel guilty that he was probably squeezing bruises into the ivory flesh.

Suddenly, the teen halted, pulling up to look into ruby eyes shyly. “U-Um, I was wondering if I could try…” He trailed off, leaving Sebastian to stare at him patiently. He knew very well that Ciel wouldn’t have stopped if he didn’t have something important. It was obvious he was high-strung with the way his legs were trembling, his nerves probably hypersensitive. His lips were dry and pursed into a thin line. Sebastian gently stroked his side in an attempt to coax the words out of him.

The action seemed to give the teen the confidence he was looking for. He slipped off Sebastian’s lap and stood with his hands on his hips. Before the teacher could reach for him, Ciel demanded, “Take off your boxers and sit on the edge of the bed- _now_.”

 _Dear god, he can’t be serious._ Sebastian’s eyes widened as his brain replayed those words, running them through over and over in his mind until he was _positive_ that _yes, Ciel had said that_. He blinked and reached for the boy’s hand.

“Listen, we don’t have to go that far if you don’t want to. After all, the is the first time we’ve moved beyond-”

“I am fully aware of what I’m asking you to do,” Ciel snapped. “I’m horny as hell right now, and I started out the day fully intending to give you head or a hand-job. I’m not sure which I’ll decide on, but I know one or the other is going to happen. Now, either I help you deal with your little problem, or you can go downstairs and deal with it yourself.” He crossed his arms over his chest, looking pretty intimidating for such a little thing in a pair of briefs, and Sebastian had to admit that it turned him on even more.

So, he gestured for Ciel to give him the space to stand, and he walked over to the teen’s bed. With one swift movement, he pulled his boxers all the way down, standing completely naked and a bit nervous. “Are you _sure_?” he asked finally, making sure that Ciel was staring him in the eye.

But it was obvious the teen’s patience was wearing thin. “Sebastian, I am fine; now, _sit on the bed_.”

Sebastian lowered onto the bed slowly, watching those blue eyes for any indication that his boyfriend was nervous. Of course, any emotion other than lust was funnelled off that pale face, assuring Sebastian that he wasn’t the only one who wanted this. As Ciel lowered himself down, he was only stopped as a pillow was offered to place under his knees. While the bed sat on a plush rug, he knew from experience that any amount of time spent in that position could be straining after a bit.

Ciel shot him a grateful look and steadied himself by putting his warm hands on Sebastian’s exposed thighs. He felt slightly guilty, knowing that his size would not be easy for a first-timer, but he didn’t have the option to present his student with something smaller. Thankfully, the teen before him didn’t look that daunted by the task before him, and those plush lips pressed firmly against the place where his locket had rested.

Slowly, he trailed down his teacher’s body, pausing in places that earned more of a reaction. Sebastian tried to keep from moving, gripping the bedding beneath him in his sweaty hands to avoid grabbing the teen’s hair. Despite the need to just lead that beautiful mouth where he needed it, Ciel was still new to all of this; he had to be willing to move at the younger man’s pace. 

Even if said pace was slow enough to drive him mad. He felt ready to burst, his fingers now clenching and unclenching the comforter in an attempt to calm his racing heart. The knowledge that his precious boy’s mouth was merely inches away from wrapping around his dick, offering relief to his throbbing erection that would feel so much better than Sebastian’s hand, was enough to drive his heartrate through the roof. He was dimly aware that it was thickening as he pictured it- that dark head bobbing eagerly between his legs, heat engulfing him.

However, the kissing was slowing down, lingering in places that Sebastian knew were sensitive but not enough to lavish extra attention on. Then he felt the hands gripping him start to tremble, growing sweaty with anxiety rather than the blood rushing through the teen’s veins. He looked down to see what was wrong, and he was met with the same uneasy look from earlier. A small groan left him, wondering what on earth had happened to Ciel to cause him to be so unsure of himself.

“You’re doing fine, love,” Sebastian assured him, reaching down to stroke a few slate locks from his boyfriend’s blanched face. “Trust me, you’re doing perfect.”

A small frown notched between the teen’s eyebrows. “Will you tell me if I’m screwing up? Just… talk to me, okay? I want to know that you’re not just humouring me.”

Sebastian couldn’t help the wry laugh that came out, and he gently tilted Ciel’s head until those sapphire eyes were looking at his cock. “Does _that_ really look like I’m humouring you?”

However, it didn’t seem that his words had reached the pink ears, the colour returning to white cheeks as it seemed that Ciel truly looked at all eight inches for the first time. Those lips parted so that a small gasp could escape, and Sebastian laughed again, this time more amused. While he wasn’t cocky enough to brag about it, he knew that it was a tad bit bigger than what Ciel had to be used to. Even if it had been for a moment and had been flaccid, he had to guess that the teen was pretty proportionate.

His thoughts were ripped away from him with small, greedy fingers wrapped around the base of his shaft, shifting slightly a bit and trying to find a grip that they were comfortable with. A strangled moan left his throat at the tight grip, and his hand tightened in Ciel’s hair. He heard a small hiss of pain, so he tried to mumble an apology, only for his voice to break as the hand moved.

Hesitantly, it pumped him once, thumb skimming over the slit for a bead of pre-cum. Ciel smeared it over the heated skin as he continued to stroke up and down the erection in an attempt to make the action easier. It seemed that, despite never doing this for himself, his precious boy had at least done his research, and Sebastian tried to catch his breath as the teen caught on fast.

“You, _ah_ , always were a fast learner,” the older man panted, and he heard the little imp chuckle. “Ci- _el_ , god, faster, please.” He was wound so tight that he would probably fall apart from a hand-job alone, as embarrassing as the thought was. He couldn’t help it. Jerking himself off was bad enough, but the knowledge that the hand wrapped so snugly around him belonged to his beautiful lover and adjusting according to the noises spilling from his lips was more than he could bear. 

“Are you sure that’s what you want?” the teen asked breathlessly. “After all, I figured that you would want something a little… _tighter_.” 

Before Sebastian could ask what that meant, a pair of soft lips wrapped around the head of his erection, sucking just enough to knock all the air from the teacher’s chest. Sebastian couldn’t help the helpless noise that came from his throat, and it seemed to spur Ciel on. His tongue flattened over the slit, a small moan rumbling from that pale throat as he obviously enjoyed the taste. 

“ _God_ ,” Sebastian breathed, along with a few low curses as Ciel slowly took in more of his erection, wisely breathing through his nose as he did so. That velvet tongue stroked the vein that ran along the underside of the teacher’s cock, teasing out pre-cum when he pulled back to suck on the tip again. Sebastian spared a look downwards, but he instantly regretted it.

Just like he’d dreamed so many times, that slate head was between his thighs, glistening lips wrapped firmly around his length as the teen slowly eased into engulfing more and more of Sebastian’s cock in tight, heavenly heat. He made sure to occasionally increase the pressure, and he slackened his jaw to accommodate Sebastian’s girth. Ciel’s cheeks were flushed a deep red, and his eyes were squeezed tight as he concentrated on just trying to make Sebastian feel good.

A thought crossed his mind, and he murmured, “You, too. Come here.” He reached to pull the teen into his lap, fully intending to help his lover towards his release as well, but he got a denying grunt. The vibrations of it made his vision go hazy, and he panted harshly. “It’s not fair to you,” he objected, pooling all his rational thought into offering this. “This is my favour.”

Ciel released him with an audible _pop_. “I refuse,” he replied with a smirk before he wrapped his lips back around Sebastian’s cock, taking almost half of him in his mouth immediately and cutting off any coherent sentence that would have left the teacher’s lips.

The pressure built in his gut, and he could feel his balls tightening. However, Ciel didn’t seem to mind or he was just so entranced that he didn’t notice. “Love,” he warned quickly, tugging almost harshly at the slate locks. Ciel whined and froze for a moment, only to redouble his efforts and wrap his hand around what he couldn’t fit in his mouth. Sebastian almost collapsed back onto the bed as the younger male moved his mouth and hand in unison, stroking and sucking along his length until the teacher was a mess. “Ahhh- _god_.”

Suddenly, he felt something inside of him snap, and he could only get out a hoarse, “Ciel!” before he was coming, blood rushing loudly in his veins. He reached to pull the teen away, not wanting to make the experience traumatic for him, but he’d gotten the hint, pulling away from his teacher just in time to avoid getting his mouth filled with the man’s seed.

Only, if the annoyed groan that Sebastian barely heard as he drifted down from his high was any indication, he hadn’t moved away in time to keep his face clean. The teen stood and glared down at him, crossing his arms over his chest. However, the teacher could only smile up at him and open his arms so that his precious boy could rest against his calming heart.

He noticed almost immediately that both of them had apparently climaxed at some point, and a chuckled bubbled out of him. “Did you take care of yourself, then?” he asked as Ciel accepted his offer and crawled on top of the older man’s chest. His cheeks were still red, and his face was covered in cum. Sebastian cooed at the irritated expression being pointed in his direction, reaching up to wipe away the mess. “Or did you get off on just giving me head?”

“Shut up,” the boy muttered, burrowing his face in Sebastian’s shoulder. However, a small shiver ran through the thin frame, reminding the older man of the time. Earlier, the anticipation had kept them warm, bodies flushed at the sight of the other slowly undressing, so he hadn’t really realised when the temperature had started dropping. With a grunt, he heaved them both up so that they were standing.

He looked down to see the tell-tale signs of his love’s release, and he smirked. Ciel had noticed his gaze and growled low in his throat, signalling that he didn’t want to talk about it at all. Only, in those blue depths, some other emotion was stirring that made Sebastian leave it at that, too worried about pushing his boyfriend over the edge to continue to torment him. 

“Come on,” he said sweetly, combing the fingers of one hand through Ciel’s to pull him towards the adjoining bathroom. “Let’s wipe off your face.”

“I’m not a child,” the teen snapped, but the words lacked any bite. The older man watched as eyelids lowered over blue eyes, and a small yawn escaped those pouting lips. 

“Even so,” he said cajolingly, “I’m cold, and you’re warm. Can’t I just stick around a little bit longer? At least, until we get into bed?”

Ciel frowned at him. “You want to sleep with me tonight? We’ll have to sleep in my bed,” he pointed out, and Sebastian shrugged. It was true that they had never slept together upstairs before, but that was mostly due to the teen coming down to him in the middle of the night rather than personal preference.

“I really don’t care either way,” he admitted, “as long as you’re there.”

Ciel smacked him, rolling his eyes and teasing, “You’re turning into a sap.” He grabbed a wash cloth from under the sink and ran it under warm water, using that to clean his face with one hand while he squeezed Sebastian’s hand with the other. When he was done, however, his cheeks coloured slightly. “I would like it if you slept up here tonight.”

“Then, I will,” Sebastian answered easily, bending to peck him on the lips. “Now, let’s go clean up our mess, shall we?”

Apparently, the little imp was back because Ciel suddenly pondered for a moment, even tapping his pointer finger against his chin for added measure. After he thought a bit, he hummed. “No,” he replied sweetly, pulling away from Sebastian and placing the wash cloth in the teacher’s hands, “I think I’ll leave that to you and work towards warming up the sheets.” He walked backwards into the room, a devilish smile curling up his lips as the older man reached for him, only to grasp empty air as Ciel made a break for the bed.

Naturally, Sebastian chased after him, and he pressed the wriggling boy into the comforter, leaning to blow raspberries into his ticklish sides and loving the squeals of laughter that he teased out. Ciel kicked his legs on either side of his body, writhing helplessly as Sebastian tortured him, and that alone was his favourite part of his gift from his student.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ciel woke in the middle of the night, his body pressed against Sebastian’s. He looked up to see that the other man was still asleep, and a soft sigh escaped him. He didn’t need to look at the clock to know that it was early in the morning. After all, when the nightmares came, they were never nice enough to come closer to dawn so he could get some sleep.

This one hadn’t been so bad, more confusing than anything else. Thankfully, it was already slipping away, leaving him to close his eyes and just breathe until his heart calmed down. It seemed he was in for one more Christmas gift.

He lifted his head from its place on Sebastian’s chest to look out the window. The stars were surprisingly bright, the clouds having vanished for the time being. However, if the weatherman was correct, they wouldn’t return until New Year’s to bring another blanket of snow down on the region. He couldn’t complain, liking winters better when they were free of the annoying slush. Besides, looking at the stars made this slightly easier.

The first Christmas that he had spent without his parents, he had sat beside the window, childishly begging Santa to come back to the hospital and insisting that he didn’t _need_ presents. After nearly half an hour of crying, one of the other kids complained, and a nurse came in to check on him. She had sat down next to his bed, stroking his hair like his mom used to for nearly an hour.

When he’d calmed down, she recommended that, rather than ask Santa to bring his parents back, Ciel ask to send a message up to them instead. So, with a voice hoarse from crying, Ciel had whispered the words that he wanted to say to his parents, trusting in his heart that they would reach his mom and dad somehow.

While he’d grown old enough that he no longer believed in Santa Claus, he still would stare up at the stars on Christmas, using the time as a way to get everything off his chest. So, he slowly slipped out of Sebastian’s arms and wrapped his robe around him. He’d put on a pair of shorts before going to bed, but it was under the premise that he would have Sebastian to keep him warm. In order to avoid hypothermia, he also slipped his feet into the warmer slippers near his bed before making his way over to the window.

“Happy Christmas,” he whispered softly, refusing to allow himself to feel silly. Diedrich had told him the second year he did it that it was perfectly okay to take that time and indulge himself. As he said, there was no harm in it, and whatever helps, helps. “It’s already that time again, and it wouldn’t be Christmas if we didn’t have our chat.”

He took a deep breath and let it out on a sigh. “Do I look a little better than last year? I hope so. I feel better; I’m not so alone anymore.” He spared a glance back at the figure on the bed. “We can thank _him_ for that. He’s helped a lot, no matter what Aunt Ann would think of it.”

Ciel pressed his forehead against the glass and stared up into the moon. “I think I love him,” he murmured quietly, almost too low for the words to be audible. “I’m not sure exactly because I’ve never felt anything beyond a familial love for people, but being with him feels too good for it to be something other than love. Maybe I’m not _in love_ with him, but I love him, if that makes any sense.

“I know it isn’t the best relationship- he’s eight years older than me and my teacher- but I can’t change the way I feel.” He let his palm slide along the windowpane, the cold feeling of it not bothering him. “I haven’t felt more at peace since before the accident, even if I can’t let him touch me when we’re- _you know_.” His eyes moved to glance at other stars, as if each one was Rachel or Vincent, looking down on him, but he soon squeezed them tight because it suddenly hurt too much. 

With a slight gasp, he blinked back tears and whispered miserably, “Would you still recognise me if you saw me today? I’m not the same ball of sunshine I was when I was ten, but I’m digging my way up from hell to get there. Would you be proud of me?” 

The idea of his parents feeling anyway else filled him with despair. He looked up at the stars, tears streaming down his face, and pleaded, “Please, be proud of me. God knows I wouldn’t need anything else in this world if I knew that you guys weren’t ashamed of the way I turned out.” He wiped at his eyed and sniffled. “I know Aunt Ann always says that you would be, but I truly wonder. I can’t even enjoy Christmas with my own brain turning against me.”

Suddenly, two arms curled around his waist, and he felt Sebastian press a kiss to his shoulder blade. The older man reached up to clasp Ciel’s hands in his, and nothing could have made the other man happier than that connection. He was swayed back and forth, the motion soothing enough for him to squash the tears down to where they came from.

He wondered how much his teacher had heard. He hoped that he hadn’t heard Ciel’s confession, or else that would be a mess. Would he ask the teen about it? Would he want to know who he was talking to or why he was out of bed?

“Go ahead, love,” came the quiet rumble against his chest. “Finish what you were saying.”

Ciel nodded and looked back up at the stars, the world seeming less cold now that he wasn’t alone anymore. “I’ll always love you,” he told them, promised them, “and I hope that I _do_ make you proud in everything that I do. So just keep watching over me, and I’ll talk to you next Christmas.” With that, he turned and let Sebastian led him back to their bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *flings smut scene at you and hides under table*
> 
> *from under table* I decided to try my hand at writing some smut. Nancy looked over it and was sweet enough to continue kicking my ass. Passive aggression is nice, but passive voice is not. I got the memo.^^ XDD
> 
> But in all honesty, here it is. Did you like Ciel's present? I'm sure Sebastian did, even if he has no idea why Ciel wouldn't let him touch him. Oh, btw, in case it wasn't clear, our precious little tater tot gets off on having his hair yanked. XD
> 
> So, yeah, I hope you enjoyed this chapter in all its smutty, heartfelt glory, and you guys better be prepared for New Year's... *evil laughter*
> 
> Sorry if this description is short as fudge, but I'm trying to post this during lunch in the library, and I still have stuff to do in here.^^' Hope your Tuesday is going well!
> 
> P.S. The Tuesday updates will continue from this point onward. February 16 will be the next update. C:
> 
> P.S.S. I'm working with everyone's ages as if the current moment (December 25) is in 2015, so Baby's First Christmas 1997 is for Ciel, as you must have guessed. I figured that I'd just go ahead and use last year as the template for dates and such. (:


	17. New Song, Same Dance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It wasn't a one-time deal.

“Ten!”

Ciel glanced over at Sebastian, seeing the smile on his face as he stared at the screen.

“Nine!” 

Finny jumped a bit too enthusiastically, knocking over a flute of champagne onto the floor, but no one could be bothered with it at the moment.

“Eight!”

There was a _fizz_ as Bard lit a sparkler out on the steps, sparks jumping all over the place but relatively safe in the ex-army man’s hand.

“Seven!”

Ann giggled shamelessly, and Diedrich rolled his eyes from down at the bottom of the steps.

“Six!”

_Almost there_ , Ciel thought with a smile. _Just-_

“Five!”

_-more seconds._

“Four!”

They all raced towards the door, eager to see the rockets go off towards the sky…

“Three!”

However, someone held him back, and he looked up into beautiful ruby eyes, a smile spreading across his cheeks.

“Two!”

Sebastian pulled them back into the house, out of view of everyone else.

“One!” A second’s pause. “ _Happy New Year_!”

His lips were seized by his teacher’s, and he curled his fingers into the dark locks. He returned the kiss eagerly, but all too soon they had to pull away so they could join the others. Sebastian let go of his hand, but Ciel smiled as he felt a slight pressure on the small of his back. In the dark, the touch wasn’t visible, especially since everyone was looking up to see as flashes of white and gold streaked across the sky with a _pop_ then a _sizzle_.

Diedrich was bright red from where he stood next to Ann, so it seemed like he also got a New Year’s Kiss. Ciel couldn’t help but laugh, but as Tanaka emerged from the house with a tray of champagne flutes, his attention shifted. He even gave one to Ciel, a twinkle in his eye, and the teen smiled as he accepted it.

“Be sure to finish that quickly, Tanaka,” he told him, putting authority in his voice and making the steward look at his stern expression with slightly wide eyes. Only, Ciel couldn’t help but smile as he said, “After all, you don’t want to miss the fireworks, do you, Gramps?”

He got a small smile in return, and Tanaka assured him, “I’ll be back before you can blink, young master; I promise.”

Ciel nodded. “Good, good.” He watched the older man move through the small group and he joined them all for a toast to the New Year. The champagne was sweet on his tongue, and a bit of giddiness went through him as he tasted his first alcoholic drink. Aunt Ann usually gave him sparkling cider or something along that nature rather than actual champagne, and the fact that her nephew was an adult now must have swayed her towards allowing it just this once.

“So, have any resolutions for this year?” Sebastian whispered in his ear, and Ciel rolled his eyes up at him.

“My only resolution is to graduate, and I was going to do that anyways. It seems you have your work cut out for you.” He bumped the man with his elbow before taking another sip of his drink. “What about you? ‘New Year, new you?’” 

Sebastian hummed in the back of his throat, looking up as Diedrich let off another rocket. “I believe that there is nothing else I need in my life this year that I didn’t get last year.” Ciel looked up at him, and the teacher pulled his eyes away from the fading firework to smile down at the boy. “Maybe, in the fall, I might switch jobs, however. Being away from you for so long during the day doesn’t sound very fun in the least,” he admitted softly.

“But you love teaching,” Ciel argued, making sure to keep his voice low. It didn’t matter. Everyone was too busy watching fireworks and chatting amongst themselves to pay attention to their conversation. “What will you do if you’re not teaching the ‘minds of tomorrow?’ Sit around like a lump all day?”

“I might go back to baking.” Sebastian finished his drink, fingering the stem of the flute with a content sigh. “This job has reminded me why I fell in love with it to begin with.”

“You like it that much?” Ciel meant it as a tease, but the older man shook his head, shifting closer to the teen so that their sides pressed together.

“No,” he replied quietly, “it reminds me of family.”

_That’s right- his mother._ The teen glanced at everyone, making sure the coast was clear, before he rested his head on the man’s shoulder. “How often do you visit your mother?”

He felt Sebastian tense, and the arm beside Ciel trembled slightly. “I don’t get to really visit her anymore.”

“Why? Did you two having a falling out?” He frowned up at the suddenly blanched face, switching hands with his champagne and reaching to squeeze the older man’s hand. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

Unfortunately, it seemed that Sebastian was done talking. He adopted that little smile on his face that Ciel knew was more of a mask than an actual smile. “It seems that a lot of people are done with their drinks. I’ll go take those inside so Mr. Tanaka doesn’t have to get up.”

“Sebastian,” the teen hissed, trying to reach for his boyfriend so he could understand the look on the man’s face. “Wait, you don’t have to right now. Answer my question.”

“Are you done with your drink?” the teacher asked, completely ignoring everything else Ciel said. “If I may?”

Ciel frowned and finished his champagne, the taste now numb in his mouth and doing little to ease his mood. He handed it to Sebastian, who moved from his side to collect the others’ flutes as well. However, as he walked past his student again, Ciel followed him, fuelled by the alcohol and refusing to let him get away without opening up to him.

Sebastian didn’t stop until they were in the kitchen, and he still didn’t speak, choosing to start washing the dishes instead. Ciel crossed his arms over his chest, fuming with anger over being ignored. He waited, hoping that it was just a matter of wanting to be alone when he spoke, but it seemed that the teacher was insistent that the matter be dropped.

“Dammit, why the hell do you get to keep secrets about yourself while I’m an open book?” Ciel snapped, storming over when Sebastian was done. Crimson eyes looked down at him impassively, that smile making a reappearance.

This was all wrong. Sebastian wasn’t supposed to keep secrets from him; they were supposed to share everything with each other. There was trust between them, trust that meant that nothing was off-limits. If the other man didn’t trust him enough to explain what was going on, then how much else would he hold back on?

Ciel hated it, and he squeezed a wet hand, glaring up at his teacher. “What? So we’re not close enough that I get to hear about your family? Is that because you never intend on letting me meet them, or are you just too ashamed of me to let _them_ meet _me_?”

“It’s because you _can’t_ meet them,” Sebastian retorted angrily, pulling his hand away and moving past him. Ciel backed away, not used to the rough treatment, but he quickly realised that his teacher was escaping and that was not an option. He chased Sebastian to the teacher’s, only to have the door slammed in his face.

“Are you kidding me?” Ciel shouted through the wood. “What, are you going to act like some sort of a heartthrob hero on a soap opera, dodging questions about your tragic backstory? Because, if that’s the case, I can play that game, too!”

His only answer was the sound of the lock sliding over, and the teen kicked the door in his frustration. With a growl, he spun around and stalked up the stairs, too pissed to go back outside with his aunt and everyone else. They would ask what was wrong, and he wouldn’t be able to tell them because Sebastian wasn’t telling _him_. After every fragile piece of himself that he’d offered up to the man, this was what he got in return?

Ciel decided to slam his door in return, and he locked himself in his bathroom. The last thing he needed was for someone to come in and see him acting like a child. Perhaps his blood was boiling so quickly because the champagne, but he was too furious to worry about something like that.

_Damn Sebastian_ , Ciel thought bitterly. _If he wants to block me out so quickly without even giving me a reason, then he can just sit and sulk downstairs like the asshole he is._ He settled on the floor, pressing his back against the bathtub and pulling his knees to his chest. _He better come up here and apologise right now or else he won’t hear a peep from me for a week. He’ll see what it’s like to be ignored and… and he’ll be_ sorry _, dammit._

He couldn’t keep in the sigh that left him, and his slate head was pressed against his knees. He wondered miserably whether or not his teacher would actually tell him anything but sincerely doubted it. However, Ciel couldn’t figure out for the life of him why. They told each other everything- every single nightmare, every fear, every insecurity, _everything_.

_You haven’t told him everything, though, have you?_ an insidious voice asked him, and Ciel squeezed his eyes shut. _After all, you didn’t tell everyone the truth about when you passed out that time you tried to touch yourself. You just shrugged it off and said that you couldn’t think of why it came on so strong. So you’re not such an open book, are you?_

_It doesn’t matter_ , he argued back, heart racing in his chest as he body remember the pure but unexplainable fear that had raced through him. _That doesn’t even compare to this._

_It could_ , the voice replied. _It could be worse._

He almost told it to shut up, but he heard a knock on his bedroom door. A spark of hope filled him, and he crawled over to the bathroom door to open it just a crack. “Who is it?” he called hesitantly, but he doubted that anyone outside had noticed his absence just yet.

Sure enough, when the bedroom door opened, Sebastian stepped inside. He quietly closed the door behind him, and his garnet eyes stayed on the floor rather than look up to meet his student’s eyes. Ciel therefore refused to move from behind the door, staring that the man from the security of the bathroom and waiting for his teacher to speak first.

A small frown pulled down those thin lips, and Ciel watched as his boyfriend sunk down to his knees, his body trembling with a mix of emotions that the younger man had felt often enough but had rarely seen on someone else. Wordlessly, he left the bathroom and walked over to the teacher. When he was close enough, Sebastian grabbed him and pulled him even closer so that Sebastian could bury his face in his lover’s stomach. Ciel sighed and ran his hands through raven locks, understanding the need to hold someone when it hurt so much.

He could feel each breath the teacher sucked in and each shaky sigh that he let out. A heavy heartbeat slammed against his thighs, and he held Sebastian until he calmed down. Sebastian had done it often enough for him that he would return the favour.

“I’m sorry for pressing you,” the teen whispered quietly before landing a kiss on his boyfriend’s scalp. “That was uncalled for.”

Sebastian shook his head, rubbing his face in the teen’s stomach. “I shouldn’t have shut down like that on you,” he replied, his voice sounding far too weary to ease Ciel’s mind. “I hate it when you block me out, and it was stupid of me to expect you to just accept me doing that to you.” He sighed, and Ciel echoed it, continuing his slow, hopefully soothing strokes. “It’s just hard for me to talk about her.”

“Take your time,” he assured Sebastian. “We have an entire new year to get things off our chests.” While it was true, he hoped that the tease could allow some levity to the situation, and he was rewarded with a small laugh against his stomach.

Still, it was at least another five minutes of silence before Sebastian let out a shaky sigh, squeezing his arms around Ciel again and saying, “It happened when I was a freshman in college.”

Somehow, with those words- with the weight that they held and the pain that was absolutely soaked in them- he could tell that it hadn’t been a falling out. The younger man pressed his boyfriend’s head to his heart, trying to offer the strength he knew that the teacher would need. Saying it aloud was the worst, since you had to put enough detail into the words so that the person you were telling could actually understand, and from the way even mentioning it had affected Sebastian earlier, he knew it was painful.

He got the returning squeeze, and Sebastian began again, saying quietly, “I got a call shortly after I got home from my World Studies class, at three minutes after four.” He laughed, but it sounded too sad to ease Ciel’s worries. “They say that there are memories so strong that you can remember every detail- like 9/11 and the Kennedy assassination. Except, mine is a neighbour calling me from the hospital to tell me that my mom had had a heart attack, and that she…” He clenched his hands in the boy’s shirt, and a small sob slipped out.

Ciel immediately dropped to his knees and pulled the man into his arms, letting him cry against his shoulder. He prepared himself for moans and perhaps whining, but Sebastian was a silent crier, his chest just shaking with the sobs and sucking in the occasion gasp when he ran out of oxygen. In a way, it was more heart-breaking that way, and he let out the gentle shushes that his aunt and teacher used on him. He couldn’t bring himself to say anything, however, because he knew from experience that nothing would help. So what if someone said they were sorry for his loss? If they couldn’t bring anyone back, then they should just hold their breath. They could be sorry all they wanted, but that didn’t change shit. 

So, Ciel just held him, held him until the sobs died down and the tears stopped. It was his turn to be the rock, and he would be that for this man who had trusted Ciel with the most painful part of him. Then, when Sebastian had calmed down, they just sat there, holding each other and taking deep, measured breaths. He could feel the heart against his slowing down and returning to a normal pace as the seconds went by, beating languidly and sending them both into a trance.

At some point, the older man tilted his head up, finding Ciel’s lips. He could understand this as well, so the teen easily succumbed to the dominance they both desired, parting his lips for the slick velvet of Sebastian’s tongue to dance with his own. Trembling hands ran down his sides, grabbing his waist and pressing his back into the carpet. Sebastian shifted and straddled the younger male’s hips, trailing from his lips to his jaw then to his neck. With a harsh gasp as his teacher’s teeth sunk into his collarbone, Ciel slid his hands into ebony locks and hung on for dear life.

Then, Sebastian rolled his hips, brushing the hard length in his pants against Ciel’s growing erection and causing him to whine loudly. The noise was met with a deep growl, and long fingers started grabbing the hem of the teen’s shirt and forcing the fabric over his head, revealing more skin to burning crimson eyes.

“I want you,” he breathed, leaning in to seize Ciel’s lips in a bruising kiss for just a moment before he pulled away again. “I _need_ you.” The teen groaned when his cock was given much need friction again, so he nodded, wrapping his legs around Sebastian’s hips and grinding against the bulge in the older man’s pants. That earned him a choked moan, and thin lips continued their assault on his neck and shoulder.

“Take me,” Ciel begged, fisting the man’s shirt in both of his hands and tilting his head to give his lover more access. When Sebastian sucked on a patch of pale skin hard enough to leave a mark, the fists unfurled, and his nails dug into the fabric instead. “Seba- _ah_!”

The teacher had slid so that his lips fastened roughly onto one of the pink tips inches from Ciel’s heart, flattening his tongue over the nipple and causing his student to mewl pathetically under the ministrations as shocks of pleasure flared through him and straight down to the building tension in his gut. Large hands pawed at the skin of his waist, squeezing and squishing the flesh almost painfully but still causing desperate little noises to tumble from still parted lips. He knew that they should be careful- Ann and the others could go back inside at any point- but there were still rockets exploding nearby and lighting the bedroom up in reds and blues.

One of the hands came up to the other side of Ciel’s chest, fingers pinching and rolling over the hardened tip as Sebastian both darted his tongue across the other and rubbed against the teen’s cock. It caused Ciel to practically scream at the overstimulation.

Suddenly, Sebastian was tugging at the younger man’s pants, yanking them down his legs and tossing them across the room. The flush that was already darkening ivory skin turned almost brick red as dark eyebrows climbed up the teacher’s forehead. Ciel squirmed under the gaze, knowing that Sebastian hadn’t expected to find his student going commando.

“What do we have here?” he asked a small smile, voice pitched low enough that it caused a delicious shiver to run up the younger man’s spine. Warm hands rubbed eagerly at the soft skin of his thighs, and Ciel groaned as Sebastian’s thumbs massaged deeply into the muscle there. “No wonder you were making such a tent in your pants. Shame, shame, Ciel; what if your aunt had noticed?” Fingertips pressed tightly into the flesh of his ass, kneading in time with his thumbs and causing the teen’s body to writhe as the heat built in his body. 

“Sebastian,” he whined, squeezing his eyes shut so he couldn’t see the wicked smile that was looming over him. “God, Sebastian, _please_ , I-”

A kiss was pressed to the wrinkle between two slate brows. “Yes, my precious boy, what is it?” Ciel opened his eyes and used them to plead with his teacher, but he had no idea what he was pleading _for_. Something, _anything_ , to ease the tension in his chest.

“I-I need…” He lost his voice as his body instinctively thrust up against Sebastian’s stomach, the teen’s aching erection getting some much needed stimulation. “ _Ahhh_ god,” he moaned loudly, pressing his forehead against the shoulder above him. His eyes squeezed shut again, unable to help it as the sensations drove him insane, and his body moved again. “Sebastian, _please_ , I need- I need-”

“Use your words,” the teacher admonished, hand coming up to pull the teen’s head up and force sapphire eyes to meet his own. “Tell me what you need.”

He wasn’t sure how to ask; his thoughts were flying in too many directions. So he grinded his ass against the bulge in Sebastian’s pants and hoped desperately that the older man could just translate for him. Thin fingers twisted into the cotton of his teacher’s shirt and probably scratched red lines into the skin underneath, but he was too far gone to care.

“Words,” Sebastian repeated, but his voice sounded breathy. He was quietly panting as it sounded like his own pleasure was climbing as his erection pressed against the teen’s flesh. Ciel couldn’t contain an undignified shriek as the teacher suddenly started rutting against him as well, growling deeply in his throat and apparently deciding to not take it easy on the younger male.

“You,” Ciel finally managed, incapable of describing it any other way. “I need _you_ , please, Sebastian. _Sebastian_.”

However, as caught up in the moment as he was, he realised his mistake too late.

As one hand wrapped firmly around his penis, the same fear that he’d felt that day coursed through him, and all the pleasure turned to terror. All the heat washed away as ice filled his veins, and his breath started to quicken, turning almost immediately into gasps. His stomach churned, and he tried to push the hand away, tried to squirm from the grip.

Thankfully, Sebastian noticed immediately, and Ciel turned around to empty his stomach out onto the rug. The champagne, dinner, dessert- it all burned his throat, and he sobbed as he realised he still couldn’t breathe. He clawed at his chest desperately, but he was still terrified.

The hands from his dream were suddenly grabbing him again, suffocating him and not relenting until his eyes rolled to the back of his head and he collapsed into the darkness.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

“Ciel!” Sebastian picked the still naked teen up from the ground and into his arms, panic filling him at the sudden and violent response. The teen was limp and easily bent over the arm keeping him up, looking too much like a dead fish to fill his teacher with a sliver of comfort. He couldn’t remember a time when an attack had been this bad, and it scared him.

Opening pale eyelids, he realised that his student had fainted, and then the symptoms clicked. He _had_ seen this before- only once and after the attack. Still, he lifted him onto the bed and turned the teen on his side in case he vomited again. Once that thin frame was there, he pressed his ear to the sickly blanched chest, listening to the erratic heartbeat underneath.

“Shit!” He went to the connected bathroom and wet a washcloth, hurrying back to his student and pressing the cooled cloth to a sweaty forehead. “Ciel, baby, wake up. Love, please.”

The only thing that could’ve caused a reaction like this was his hand on the teen’s already flaccid cock, and he now knew why Ciel had rejected his offers to take care of his boyfriend’s erection. The time in October must’ve been triggered by him masturbating or something of the sort, and his student had tried to avoid having the same thing happened in case it wasn’t a one-time occurrence.

_But, why would it just be when someone puts their hand there?_ he wondered, still struggling to revive the boy. _I mean, we grind against each other all the time, and that doesn’t do anything. Why is it so specific?_

He had no idea what he would be dealing with when he _did_ wake him. The last time, Ciel had been disoriented and unnaturally terrified, and he desperately hoped that the same thing did not happen this time. However, last time the teen had hinted at something happening to him, had made Sebastian promise that “it wouldn’t happen again,” and if he woke in the same state of consciousness, the teacher could coax some answers out of him.

But he wasn’t a psychologist. He had no idea if something he said would tip his precious boy over the edge that he’d overheard Diedrich say that Ciel was balancing on. What had happened in town had been disastrous, and the teen’s doctor and aunt had spent many hushed conversations on Saturdays discussing how to avoid it happening again.

But it was quite possible that Sebastian had sent him over the edge.

“Please, Ciel,” he begged, shaking a pale shoulder and still running the cool cloth over the teen’s skin. Why was he so white? Why was his chest moving so unevenly as he breathed? “God, _please_ , love. Wake _up_.”

It still wasn’t for several long minutes until a hand seized his and blue eyes popped open in terror. They darted around the room before locking onto Sebastian, and the teacher prepared to move away if the contact scared his love. He began the breathing exercise, glancing between the teen’s face and his heaving chest. 

“Calm down,” he pleaded, slowly moving his other hand to slate locks. Ciel flinched but didn’t pull away from him, mouth hanging open as raspy gasps of air entered and exited the teen’s lips as painful wheezes. “Please, love, tell me what you need. Let me help you.”

“His medicine is in the box on his dresser,” came a quiet voice from behind them.

All the blood in Sebastian’s body turned ice cold, and he spun around to look at who had walked in. He took in the grey hair and monocle and slight frown, willing his heart to keep beating as it threatened to stop. He couldn’t tell what emotion was etched into Tanaka’s expression, but he had no doubts that Madam Red would find out after all this. She would know that Sebastian was in a relationship with her nephew, and she would split them up.

His thoughts were interrupted as another wheeze was accompanied by a tight squeeze on his hand. He looked into terrified blue eyes, seeing the unnatural pallor of the teen’s lips turn a slight blue, and a sense of calm washed over him. So, he gently pried his hand away and went towards the wooden box that Tanaka had mentioned and opened it quickly, plucking a small orange pill bottle from it. He extracted the pills and the glass of water that the steward held out for him and rushed over to his student, helping the teen sit up and take his medicine.

Ciel had some difficulties, almost choking on the water as it slipped down his throat, but Sebastian rubbed soothing circles into the skin on his back. For the sake of the teen’s modesty, he swaddled the thin body in the fleece blanket that had been stolen from the teacher’s bed one night. After he was covered, he pulled the trembling boy into his arms and rocked them back and forth, continuing the breathing exercises and nearly crying with joy when he felt them being repeated.

The panic was starting to fade, and Ciel’s breathing soon slowed. The teen pressed his head against his teacher’s shoulder and squeezed his eyes shut, looking like he wanted to cry, but Sebastian just shushed him, continuing to sway. Crimson eyes looked up to meet dark ones that were too guarded for his liking, and the two older men seemed to make a silent agreement that they would wait until the teen passed out before they began their conversation.

When Ciel did fall asleep, Tanaka moved to sit down in the armchair, staring at the bundle in Sebastian’s arms and staying silent as he obviously waited for the other man to explain. Suddenly, he realised that it was all over- his relationship with Ciel, his teaching job, his dream. All of it would be destroyed, and he closed his eyes with an uneasy sigh. A rocket exploded outside, and the fizzle did little to ease the tension in the room.

“I suppose it doesn’t take a genius to guess what we were doing,” he admitted, pressing his lips to slate locks and trying to keep the despair from rising.

“No, it does not,” the older man said softly, “and something different must’ve happened to garner such a reaction.”

Sebastian nodded, looking up in hopes of figuring out what Tanaka was thinking. “I didn’t realise…”

The steward hummed thoughtfully. “I don’t doubt that. However, part of me wonders if Ciel did.” He walked over to the two of them, placing a gloved hand on Sebastian’s shoulder and squeezing it. “Thank you,” he whispered, much to the teacher’s surprise.

“You’re not mad?” he asked, eyes widening as his heart continued to hammer against his ribs. “You’re not disgusted?”

Tanaka laughed, and the sound made him understand why Ciel called the man “Gramps.” He shook his head and fixed his monocle. “No, no, Mr. Michaelis. I wouldn’t dream of it. Besides, it would be strange to suddenly be mad after all this time, don’t you think?”

That caused Sebastian to frown. “‘All this time?’ What do you mean?” His heart skipped a beat, lungs seizing in his chest as he realised what the man was suggesting. “You, too?” he asked incredulously, not believing that Finny _and_ Tanaka had caught them and was spying on them. He dropped his face into his boyfriend’s shoulder and groaned. “God, what next? Bard and Mey?”

The comment earned him a chuckle. “No, I doubt they even guess.” The steward smiled and said with a wink, “The two of you were lucky not to catch hypothermia, riding Lenina out in the cold like that on his birthday.”

Sebastian suddenly understood. The two of them, thinking themselves to be the only ones awake on the fourteenth, hadn’t really been secretive when they kissed in the foyer and held hands as they raced outside. He flushed as he realised that the steward of the manor had probably heard every flirtatious comment and no doubt had seen Ciel’s saucy little walk up the stairs as Sebastian watched him leave.

“Sorry,” he muttered, cheeks still burning. “We must’ve woken you.”

“No, I’m always awake on the fourteenth.” Sebastian looked up at him, confused; even Madam Red didn’t stay up all night to watch over Ciel, only waking up when she heard the screaming. Tanaka seemed to read his thoughts because he just smiled and said sadly, “If I couldn’t sacrifice a night’s sleep to make sure Ciel gets the attention he needs, what kind of grandfather would I be?” 

“You really love him,” the teacher asked, smiling. While it wasn’t that surprising him after spending nearly half a year with all of them, Sebastian could honestly say that he wasn’t used to such commitment from the steward towards the kids in the home. Normally, the students he taught that were well off enough to warrant having servants and a private teacher weren’t always kind to people they were taught were beneath them. However, it was obvious that the people at Phantomhive manor worked in a different dynamic than the homes he was used to.

Tanaka nodded to his earlier comment. He ran a gloved hand through Ciel’s hair, sighing fondly. “I have loved him since I first saw him. I was afraid for a while to admit that- at that time, I was still sure I was just the steward- but then Rachel and Vincent started calling me ‘Gramps.’” He laughed and shook his head in amazement. “Could you imagine me, eighteen years ago, being handed a small bundle and being told that I was going to be his grandfather? Rachel said, ‘Since he doesn’t have anyone to coddle him, that’s your job.’”

“I doubt that Ciel’s ever missed out on any coddling,” Sebastian commented dryly, but he kissed the teen on the forehead, a small smile coming to his lips as he took in the peaceful expression and the tiny noises that escaped the parted lips with every breath Ciel took. “But it doesn’t seem like you spoilt him too much.”

“Oh, we spoil him rotten.” Tanaka winked and tilted Sebastian’s chin up so they were looking eye-to-eye. “Just remember that anyone who tries to hurt my grandson will have to get through me first.”

“Of course,” Sebastian insisted, and he offered a small smile. “I would expect nothing less.”

Tanaka hummed. “So long as you remember that,” he warned, but then he smiled and went for the door. Sebastian began to ask him how much of their conversation would reach Madam Red, but it seemed that the steward read his mind. “Don’t worry, Mr. Michaelis,” he called over his shoulder. “Ann wouldn’t understand if we tried to explain this to her anyways.”

He nodded but then remembered Tanaka couldn’t see him. “Yes, of course. Thank you, Tanaka, sir.” Sebastian watched the older man walk out the door, only breathing a sigh of relief when he heard the footsteps fading down the hallway and towards the stairs.

It was silent in the room now, save the occasional explosion outside from the fireworks or the appreciative noises that everyone else made when an especially nice one went off outside. Sebastian looked down at Ciel again and noticed that the teen’s shoulders had broken out in goose flesh, the bumps raised high on his pale skin. The last thing he needed was for his student to get sick, so he laid Ciel out on the bed and moved to the dresser to pull out some pyjamas. He wouldn’t be able to spend the night with him, but he could at least make Ciel comfortable while he could.

Apparently the jostling had woken the teen up because Sebastian heard a weak moan. He carried the pyjamas and a new pair of boxers over to the bed, just in time to see a pair of sapphire eyes open and look up at him. “Hello, love,” he greeted softly. “Can you tell me what happened?”

Ciel shook his head at first, closing his eyes, but suddenly he stiffened. He nodded instead, face scrunching up as he began to cry. Sebastian cooed softly, setting the clothes on the bed so he could kneel down to the teen’s eye level. He stroked the slate locks, pressing kisses into his boyfriend’s pale skin. Crying so soon after such a violent panic attack couldn’t be good for him, and Sebastian didn’t want him to get sick.

“Darling, why are you crying? It’s okay; I promise.” Ciel shook his head, turning his face into the comforter so Sebastian couldn’t see him. “No, no, don’t do that. You don’t have to hide from me, and there’s nothing to be ashamed about.”

“I’m such a freak!” Ciel yelled into the blankets, and another sob tore through him. “I can’t even mess around my boyfriend without shit hitting the fan.” Sebastian shushed him and pulled the trembling teen into his arms, rocking them back and forth again as he tried to keep his cool. He could hear Ciel murmuring something between the crying, repeating one thing over and over.

“There is nothing to be sorry about, love,” he assured the teen. “Not a thing in the world. And you are _not_ a freak.” He pulled away a little to try and meet Ciel’s eyes, but his boyfriend’s face was firmly pressed to the teacher’s chest. Sebastian sighed and kissed his temple, continuing to rock them. “Why are you really upset? Tell me what’s going on in your head.” He heard a soft sniffle, and he murmured, “Hey. Hey, love, talk to me. It’s _okay_. Nothing you say will upset me.”

He had no idea how to get Ciel to open up. This wasn’t something he had experience with, and that was showing to be detrimental. Whatever the trigger was, it was obviously something that his student either couldn’t or wouldn’t talk about. While he could completely understand that, it didn’t help Sebastian one bit. If he couldn’t figure out what was up with Ciel, he couldn’t figure out how to help fix it.

And they would fix it, because nothing made Sebastian angrier than to hear his precious boy call himself a freak.

Ciel quieted down, seemingly calmed by Sebastian’s words and his ministrations. As the sobs got softer to the point where he could talk, the teen admitted shakily, “I just get really scared when a hand goes… _there_. I-I don’t know why or when it started, but when I tried to masturbate that one day, just _fear_ went through me. It was like I couldn’t even control my terror, and I just get sick to my stomach.” He wrapped his thin arms around his teacher’s chest, letting out a shaky breath.

“I was so happy,” he whispered against Sebastian’s skin, “and you were making me feel so good, so I just kept going. It didn’t even cross my mind until after I was begging you to touch me that that could happen again, but then it was too late.” A small but wry laugh tumbled out of the teen's lips, and Sebastian held him tighter. "And now you're probably disgusted with me, aren't you?"

"You have no idea how I feel, Ciel," the teacher replied, shaking his head with a frown. "Disgusted? No, _never_." He felt his student's breath leave him in one shaky exhale. "Am I worried about you? Of course I am, love. We both know fears that extreme aren't healthy in any way, and the fact that you can't remember a reason why that would happen makes it even worse." However, on that thought, he looked down at the trembling boy in his arms and raised an eyebrow to the top of Ciel's head. "I'm correct in the assumption you don't remember anything, right?"

"Don't you think I would've told you with the rest of it if I remembered?" Ciel demanded, but his voice was too tired to be full of any real bite. "I wouldn't have said I didn't know why. God, I wish I knew why. That would be so much easier to fix than stumbling around in the dark like this." Another wry laugh, and Ciel added, "And every time I stumble, I stumble upon a land mine, and everything explodes in my face."

"Then, next time it does, I'll stand in front of the blast." The words tumbled out of his mouth without warning or much thought put into them, but something about the resignation in his boyfriend's voice made all the hair on the back of Sebastian's neck stand on end. Part of him wondered how deeply this was affecting the teen and how much this fear would continue to feed on Ciel's mind, and the thought of losing his lover to something like this made _him_ sick. While he wasn't arrogant or naïve enough to believe he could keep Ciel from falling back into the darkness, he could at least offer a hand to him while he was on the ledge.

Ciel shook his head at the statement, but his hand curled tighter into Sebastian's side hard enough to leave bruises. "Then you'll go down with me," he warned, anger and fear giving it an unnatural pitch.

But Sebastian wasn't letting him go that easily. "So be it."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Diedrich woke up around one in the afternoon, and a groan slipped out of him as his back reminded him just how many times he'd stooped last night to light damn fireworks. While they all knew that it wasn't smart to have him doing all the bending over, none of the servants had any business going anywhere near explosives, and Diedrich would rather a faulty rocket explode in his face than Angelina's

His red vixen was unfortunately not in bed anymore, it seemed. She must've woken as soon as she heard there was food and left without trying to wake him. While he couldn't blame her for not trying to rouse him when he was so... _difficult_ in the morning, his stomach also protested the lack of food with a loud growl. He forced himself into a sitting up position, sliding from the bed with a groan. It sucked being old.

Someone knocked on the door. With a glance down at himself to confirm that he was in fact decent, he let out a grunt of acknowledgement, knowing that Ann would be in to probably drag him down to breakfast and possibly insist on something sweet first. She was practically insatiable in the morning, and he wasn't sure how much more he could handle of her wanting to "wake him up" with him feeling like this.

Much to his surprise, it wasn't Angelina who opened the door and stuck their head in, but a pair of red eyes did lock onto his. Sebastian smiled sheepishly, but the look in his eyes told Dee that he wasn't sorry for disturbing him at all. That was a bit out of character for the normally polite man, which meant that something important had obviously come up. The psychologist could only assume that it had something to do with both his and Ciel's sudden and permanent disappearance the night before. While no one had gone after them but Tanaka, all of them knew that the steward was lying when he said that Ciel and his teacher were just tired and had gone inside to get some sleep.

While he knew that things weren't necessarily innocent between the two of them, Diedrich doubted that his godson and Sebastian had done anything obscene or Tanaka would have told him or Angelina about it. While the steward was very loyal to his young master, he wouldn't do anything to put the teen under risk. So, Diedrich watched the teacher enter the room with a watered-down frown, waiting until Sebastian had closed the door behind him before trying to figure out what was going on.

Thankfully, the teacher saved him from having to ask, stating with a sombre expression, "It's about Ciel."

The weight behind those three words made Diedrich sit back down on the bed. This wasn't a confession, or even something insignificant, and the fact that Sebastian was coming to _him_ and not Madam Red meant that it had something to do with Ciel's mental health, something the teacher felt that the teen's psychologist would need to know. While he honestly didn't want to believe that Sebastian had uncovered something he hadn't, it was quite possible that the teacher had managed to open up a hole in all the walls Ciel had up due to their budding relationship. After all, there was a difference between talking to your psychologist and dad's best friend and your... _whatever_ Sebastian was to the teen.

"When did it happened? Last night during the fireworks?" Diedrich asked, not wanting to waste time with beating around the bush. "Don't skimp out on any of the details, or you'll leave out something important. The last thing we need is Ciel suffering because you tried to protect his dignity."

"Oh, trust me, I know what could happen if I leave something out," Sebastian snapped, glaring at the psychologist. "And if you think that I would risk coming to you only to give you half the story, you're wrong."

"'Half the story?'" Perhaps this was going to be a confession. After all, if he wanted to tell the whole story, he would have to explain why Ciel trusted him enough to offer up this detail all of the sudden. "Well, by all means, start your story."

"I know why Ciel had that panic attack back in October that made him act all weird." Sebastian lowered his voice, closing his eyes as he murmured, "The one where he started screaming whenever anyone touched him. I know what happened before it, and it happened again last night."

Diedrich knew which one he was talking about. That had been a very stressful day- finding out that Ciel had apparently had an attack so violent he had thrown up and lost consciousness, coming to the manor to find Angelina accusing Sebastian of being a pedophile. He'd rather avoid something like that again at all costs, but it seemed that it had happened again last night. However, the fact that Sebastian had waited until the next day to tell him meant that the two of them had apparently managed to get it under control, and the made him feel another wave of respect for this miracle teacher. Not only could he ground Ciel where Ann and Dee could not, he had managed to calm the teen after one of his worst attacks.

"How did you find out?" Diedrich demanded, springing to his feet. "Did you stumble upon him doing it? Did something trigger him while you were there?"

"No, I triggered him," Sebastian admitted, his face falling fast and hard. "It was an accident, but it was still my fault." He sighed and collapsed against the door. All the strength seemed to leave him, and it was like Ann's reaction to red after the interview incident all over again. "I didn't mean to do it," he said pitifully, wiping a hand over his face and looking up at Diedrich with so much emotion that the psychologist walked over to him to squeeze his shoulder.

"I'm sure you didn't," he assured the man, knowing that the assurance wasn't enough but it could help. "Plus, I have a feeling that you weren't the only one to blame. Even if it was a suspicion, Ciel would have had some inkling what had triggered him before." He shook the teacher just a bit. "But _what_ triggered him, so we can avoid it from now on?"

Sebastian pulled away from him, and Diedrich knew immediately why as the teacher made sure to put a sizable distance between the two of them. What he was about to say- in Sebastian's mind, at least- would upset Diedrich, and he was moving to avoid a possible lashing out if the reaction was too bad. Thankfully, despite his awful temper, this profession had taught him that acting out in anger was rarely any help to a situation, so he forced himself to put a tight lid on his temper in case it did flare.

Finally, Sebastian admitted in a small voice, "Ciel and I are in a relationship." He squeezed his eyes shut, no doubt waiting for the explosive reaction that would never come.

Surprisingly, even the anger never came. He expected to be disgusted that this man had decided to go after his godson, but he also realised pretty quickly that it was unlikely that Ciel would just let someone manipulate him into a relationship he didn't want. After all, he'd seen hordes try to get on the teen's good side, only to be swatted away like flies and left dazed and confused. No, if Ciel was "dating" his teacher, it was because Ciel wanted it just as much as Sebastian. That knowledge in itself allowed Diedrich to move beyond irrational feelings and move onto the logical part of this situation. While Mole had been the brains in their friendship, there was a reason that Diedrich was able to keep up with that asshole.

"You know that it will be hard to keep that going," he finally told Sebastian, and the teacher's eyes popped open in shock. Whether it was over Diedrich's words or his calm demeanour, that wasn't clear, but Dee saw him nod. "You know that several people will say that it's wrong."

"I know," Sebastian replied softly. "I did at first, too. I was sure that the only people who could feel like that were pedophiles and freaks, and I'm _not_ some child molester. In fact, when Ciel first came to me and said that he wanted to date me, I was-”

"Wait!" The teacher stopped talking, looking slightly annoyed at the interruption, but there was fear in his crimson eyes as well. However, Diedrich was more concerned with what he'd just said. " _Ciel_ asked _you_ out?" he clarified, unable to keep the astonishment from his voice.

"That's what I was trying to say, yes," Sebastian said, his voice sickly sweet. "Thank you for keeping up."

But Diedrich ignored him. Ciel had developed feelings for someone for the first time in years, and they were strong enough for him to risk asking the object of his affection out. He'd been secretive enough to keep these feelings from his aunt, had managed to convince his originally reluctant teacher to ignore what society taught them was right or wrong, and had even kept up a poker face so strong that Diedrich hadn't been able to figure out that his suspicions were actually true through all this time.

_If he’s progressed this far_ , he thought with a barely there smile, _it’s quite possible that he’ll keep progressing as time goes on, and then I’ll finally fulfil my promise to Mole._

The thought made him smile even more. Even if the promise had been made many years ago, back when they were still in school together, it had bothered him for a while after his friend’s death. Still, it was quite possible that he could finally live up to his vow.

_And you better be there when I do, Phantomhive._

However, Sebastian cleared his throat, calling back Diedrich’s attention with a glare. “Did you want to hear what I have to say or not? In all honesty, I came to you because I thought you could help, but I see that you’re too tired or too disinterested to pay attention.”

_Well, damn, I suppose he’s got me there. Get your head out of your ass, Diedrich._ “Sorry, I was just trying to wrap my head around Ciel wanting something like that that I got a bit lost in thought. I’m sure you’re aware that he rarely actually feels any sort of attraction towards people. I was beginning to think he was aromantic and asexual or something, but it seems I was wrong.”

“Yes, he told me that- him and Finny.” Sebastian settled down on the bed and sighed. “We’ve been seeing each other since Black Friday, and recently things have escalated a bit. I can safely assume you know what that means, yes?”

“You two have been fooling around?” Diedrich rubbed the back of his neck, trying to decide if he was upset over it or not. Honestly, he could care less about what Ciel did in terms of his relationships- he wasn’t one of those parents who had to keep their precious children safe from any and all things sexual for fear of tainting them or some bullshit like that- and didn’t have a say in it anyways now that the teen was officially an adult. On the other hand, to suddenly find out that not only had Ciel and Sebastian been dating, but that they had been progressing beyond kissing and holding hands, made him uncomfortable.

“Yes, and for Christmas, his gift to me was mostly one-sided, so last night I was going to return the favour. We’d gotten into a small argument, and it was the least I could do for starting the fight in the first place.” Sebastian frowned but said simply, “The next part is going to be graphic, unfortunately, but you _did_ say to spare no detail.”

“Go ahead, _all right_?” Diedrich snapped, tired of the story being interrupted one way or the other. “You don’t have to worry about me getting all blushy or something; we’re all adults here.”

“Of course,” the teacher replied contritely, but it was ruined by ruby eyes rolling. “Anyways, Ciel is usually fine with us grinding. That doesn’t affect him negatively at all, and he’s never complained about it at all. However, the moment I put my hand on his penis without anything between, he had an attack.”

_He was going to give Ciel a… Ah. Well, good for them._ Diedrich could definitely see Vincent in Ciel now. _Sounds like his dad, waiting until everyone was distracted with fireworks to start getting hot and heavy with his boyfriend._

But the attack was something that Diedrich couldn’t laugh at. “Did he show any signs of distress before this? What triggered the earlier attack in October? You two weren’t fooling around then, were you?”

“No, sir,” Sebastian assured him. “In fact, I don’t think I knew until later that evening that Ciel was even interested in me. Apparently, he’d attempted to masturbate, and as soon as he put a hand on himself, that’s when he lost it.” He ran a hand over his face, looking too tired for a man his age. “I should’ve known something was up at Christmas when he refused to let me return the favour, but he still came, so I didn’t think to ask him what was wrong.”

“How many times have you escalated to touching each other? Only those two times?”

“We’ve grinded several times during some make-out sessions, but yes, those are the only two times we’ve touched each other.” Sebastian looked up at him in alarm. “Why do you think he’s had such a reaction to just that? Wouldn’t any sort of contact elicit the same response?”

“Not necessarily.” Diedrich thought back on all of his cases, trying to remember if there was someone who had had similar symptoms to this. He’d treated several people for sexual abuse, and if his suspicions were correct- which they tended to be nowadays- it seemed that he would have to start digging a little more during his sessions with Ciel.

Deciding to let the teacher in on his thoughts, he stated, “It’s quite possible that’s he’s associated a hand being on him with something traumatic enough to cause him to vomit and pass out. Perhaps grinding doesn’t affect him the same way because you’re clothed and so it’s not direct contact. I can’t say that explanation makes sense, but it’s the best I can figure.” He frowned, running through Ciel’s history in his head. “What I can’t figure out is what could have caused him to make that sort of connection. Usually someone would have been molested or perhaps raped to display these reactions, but the only incident that I know of is something with some creep at the hospital _once_ that never progressed beyond leering.”

Sebastian frowned. “What about the Kelvin thing? Doesn’t that count as harassment?”

_What the-?_ “What are you talking about?” the psychologist demanded, crossing his arms over his chest. If something had happened between Mr. Kelvin and Ciel, Ann would have told him about it, wouldn’t she? After all, it could cause his condition to worsen.

He remembered Kelvin, and he remembered the man’s abrupt departure. He also remembered that Ciel looked worse than he had for a while after Kelvin had left, getting antsy the moment Diedrich or one of the male servants got too close to him. Ann had brushed him off, saying that the teacher had just needed to go back to his family in the country, and Ciel had never explained the sudden increase of attacks.

“Did Kelvin molest him?” Diedrich asked quietly, but his anger still bled through. “Did that son of a bitch touch Ciel, and she never told me about it?”

“No, he didn’t make it that far before Mey Rin came in, but he’d still gotten pretty close.” Black eyebrows rose high on the teacher's forehead, and Sebastian frowned as well. "I don't think that she kept it from you because she wanted to; Ciel only talked about it with me once- very briefly and with all his walls up. I'm not sure if he likes to even acknowledge that it happened."

"Well, I don't care what the hell he likes to acknowledge." Diedrich started pacing, wondering whether or not there was more to this story than even Sebastian knew. "We need to talk to him about it- him and the other servants. We might have to tell the servants about your relationship with Ciel, or else they'll find out one way or the other and go blab to Angelina about it."

"You're not going to tell her?" Sebastian asked, his eyes widening in shock, and Dee could have sworn he saw the beginnings of tears. "Even though he's my student, you don't mind?"

Diedrich rolled his eyes. Honestly, this guy had tried to give _him_ shit for not keeping up earlier? "Believe it or not, I can take a step back from the situation and analyse it from more than what I was taught to feel. Now, I know that normally society frowns on teachers who date their students, even if they're past students from years and years ago. I also know that people think that just because teens are mature in how they act, it means that they're already mature enough for a relationship with an adult. I honestly don't think either one of those scenarios are going to fit in this case.

"Ciel Phantomhive is the most unique patient I have treated in all my years as a psychologist. He's got more going in his head than a lot of us give him credit for. If after all this time, he's decided that he wants to date someone and feels that he's ready for exploring a relationship with you, then I won't stop him for even a moment. He's one of the few teens I trust completely to act responsibly and not jump into things without thinking over them first. In fact, as much as he _over_ thinks things, I really doubt that he would have even asked you out without going over every possible scenario and weighing pros and cons."

"But he was still only seventeen when I agreed to date him," Sebastian argued.

"Age of consent is sixteen, and I highly doubt that you go after every seventeen year old that hires you to teach them Physics. I can spot a pedophile from a mile away. It's something that I have to do a lot, unfortunately, when trying to see who's hurting my clients." Diedrich offered him a smile. "Last time I checked, you don't seem like someone who goes to playgrounds and creeps around schools, so stop worrying about how I see you. In fact, with everything you've done for Ciel, I owe you a thank you, not a witch hunt."

"Do you think everyone will accept that?" Sebastian wondered dryly, but he looked too broken to be joking. "Being with me will have to be a secret for another two years at least, or else he'll be destroyed in the media." The teacher picked at the fuzz on Ann's comforter, not meeting Diedrich's eyes. "He might even lose his hold in the industry, and everyone will just think he's some messed up kid who tries to have sex with his teachers. They might even act like he's some whore that sleeps with people all the time. No one will take him seriously."

"Do you honestly think Ciel cares about something like that?" Ciel would let the entire business crumble to the ground and then single-handedly build it back up to prove a point. In all the years he knew the teen, he doubted that Ciel could give two shits what society thought of him. When he talked about reporters and all that, his main concern was how they talked about his aunt, Diedrich, or Mole and Rachel. "I think, in all of the circus, he'll be worried about you most of all."

Sebastian paled at that, but a fire lit in his eyes, something that Dee rarely saw on anyone but a Phantomhive. "I'll let them slander me all they want, if it means they leave him alone, but I won't leave him. They can take him from me over my dead body, those parasites. I'll only leave him if he genuinely doesn't want me anymore, not because someone tells me I should."

"Good," Diedrich said, poking the teacher in the chest and levelling him a smirk. "Make sure it stays that way. Now, I'm sure that Grell will want to take her girlfriend out for some New Year's deals, so I think that we'll have a household intervention around five."

"Oh, that redhead horror is ten steps ahead of you. She's already downstairs and on the prowl."

Diedrich laughed. It sounded like he was in for an eventful afternoon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHOA THERE. So, let's tally up who all knows their secret by the end of this chapter, shall we? There's Finny, Diedrich, Tanaka, and it looks like Bard and Mey are about to find out. :O How will they react? How will the intervention go? Will the other two tell Aunt Ann?
> 
> And that scene with Tanaka though! Gramps got ya back, ima right? XD Honestly, Tanaka is a rare and precious animal. We should like breed him with a female Tanaka so the world will never go without. XD
> 
> No smexy times for them. Only painful agony. God, Ciel's sex life is worse than mine. Poor dearie. And before that, when Sebastian's mom had died and we got THOSE feels? Nothing goes right for these guys, huh? (*evil laughter*) 
> 
> Oh, and sorry this is a couple days late.^^ Another storm hit the central part of the east coast in America, and they predict another one is one its way. This means no school for me and my beta. However, she has internet, and I do not.^^' I usually spend the time off writing, but she'll speed demon proof it for me like an angel but I can't access it until I get back to school.^^' Ugh, the life of an unplugged author. XD


	18. The Other Shoe Drops

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His ivory castle wasn't tall enough to keep the monsters at bay.
> 
> *HEY. I NORMALLY DON'T DO THIS, BUT SOME DESCRIPTIONS CAN BE QUITE TRIGGERING IN THIS CHAPTER SO PLEASE BE CAREFUL IF GRAPHIC DESCRIPTIONS OF GORE OR THE LIKE AFFECT YOU!!!*

“G-get away from me.”

_In his life, he should've know that good things were never going to last. It just didn't happen for him, no matter how long he was able to avoid the shadows. No, just because his relationship with Sebastian had taken a rather pleasant turn and he'd gotten the blessing of almost everyone he loved for said relationship, it didn't mean that the world owed him an ounce of good karma. It seemed that Mother Nature loved to blindside him._

_The day before had lured him into a false sense of calm. After his aunt had left to spend the day with Grell, Diedrich had called for an impromptu intervention. They’d talked about his and Sebastian’s relationship with all of the servants, talked about the pros and cons._

_Mey and Bard had been shocked. Of course, they had put up a minimal fight, eventually admitting that they trusted Ciel enough to make the right decisions when it came to love, and they trusted Sebastian enough not to be a pedophile. After all, they’d spent nearly half a year with him, learning about his past and his personality. Mey piped up to say that she sincerely doubted that Sebastian would do anything to Ciel if the teacher knew it would hurt his student._

_Everything was going well. Everything was okay now. With the servants and his psychologist on his side, Ciel would eventually be able to talk to Aunt Ann about all of this. Sebastian had spent the night with him, holding him and pressing lazy kisses to his forehead as they drifted off to sleep. The two of them were on their way to actually reaching a sense of normalcy again._

_Ciel was starting to remember what being happy all the time felt like._

“ _No_! Let go of me!”

_Then the other shoe dropped._

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

“How long?” Bard asked quietly from the couch, crossing his arms over his chest. “How long have you two been together?”

“Since Black Friday,” Ciel admitted, feeling Sebastian squeeze his hand comfortingly, and he smiled at his teacher. He found his strength in his teacher’s ruby eyes and squeezed Sebastian’s hand back. “My only regret is that it wasn’t sooner.”

“I’m sorry,” Sebastian murmured, a smirk playing at his lips. “At least I didn’t wait until after Christmas.”

“God, I would have gone insane,” Ciel groaned before laughing. He looked back at the chef, frowning slightly. “I’m sorry we kept secrets from you for so long, but you have to admit that it’s not the most conventional of relationships. We had no idea how you would react.”

“We had a feeling you wouldn’t accept this,” Sebastian added, his voice lowered as the fears seemed to resurface. Ciel stroked his thumb over the back of their joined hands, pressing his shoulder to his teacher’s and smiling up at him. Sebastian returned the gesture, the tiny grin replacing the frown and making Ciel’s chest tighten. 

However, Bard sprung up from his seat with a furious, “Well, I don’t! It’s just not natural!”

Ciel’s eyes widened as his heart skipped a beat. A sickly feeling crept into his stomach, twisting it into knots and making his eyes instinctively water. He ducked his head and closed his eyes against the tears, berating himself for such a violent reaction that he honestly should’ve expected. After all, just because Finny and the others had taken it well, didn’t mean that everyone would. He would have to get used to people telling him that his feelings were wrong, and there was no way he could start crying just because someone he cared about didn’t understand his feelings.

It didn’t mean it hurt any less.

But he was Ciel Phantomhive. He’d spent years not giving a damn about what people thought about him and how he acted, and he refused to change that now. So he forced all the pain down and levelled a glare at Bard. While it chipped his heart a bit to see the sudden pain in familiar blue eyes, he wasn’t going to back down now.

“Who are you to say what is and isn’t natural, Bardroy? I like Sebastian for who he is, for how he treats me, and I don’t think anything is more natural than that.” He pulled away from Sebastian, even as his teacher tried to tighten his grip to avoid what was gearing up to be a fight. “What? Were the years I spent emotionally detached not enough indication for you that it’s hard for me to develop feelings for people I don’t know very well? Was it not enough that I had to watch Lizzy and Aunt Ann go off with boyfriend after boyfriend, thinking that it was impossible for me to feel the same thing? You think my _relationship_ isn’t natural? All that other stuff isn’t natural.” It was pure restraint to keep his voice quiet and ever-so-slightly sickly sweet. “Sebastian hasn’t hurt me. He makes me feel safe. I care about him, and I know that he cares about me.”

“Young master,” the chef murmured, eyes wide as he looked down at the teen.

“I don’t want to lose you over something like this,” Ciel told him, straightening to his full height, “but I won’t lose Sebastian, either.”

Bard closed his eyes, his teeth clamping down on the unlit cigarette in his mouth. They stood like that for a moment, the whole room silent as they took in the pair and waited for the next move. Ciel mentally put together the rest of his argument, knowing that as soon as the blonde opened his eyes that they would continue to debate.

Only, when Bard opened his eyes, he pushed right past Ciel and onto Sebastian. Diedrich stepped forwards quickly as the chef raised the teacher up into the air by his shirt. Mey gasped loudly, also jumping up from her seat in case she needed to help pull Bard off of Sebastian.

However, the chef only glared up at Sebastian, tightening his grip in the other man’s shirt. “If you do anything,” he spat, “to hurt our young master, I’ll add you to the menu, and trust me- you’ll be as black as turkey by the time I’m done with you.”

“Turkey isn’t supposed to be black,” Sebastian replied airily, raising an eyebrow. “Should I add colour onto the chart as well?”

“Oh, shut up.” Bard let him go and clapped a hand on the teacher’s shoulder, the tension suddenly leaving the room at the friendly gesture. Ciel felt all the fight leave him as his boyfriend smiled. With a sheepish smile, the chef turned back to his young master and rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, I suppose I was being an ass, huh?”

“I’d rather you an ass than some disinterested punk,” Ciel admitted with a smile. However, he sobered quickly and extended a hand. “Apology accepted?”

Bard answered that by pulling the teen into his arms and squeezing the life out of him.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

He was screaming. In the back of his mind, he was dimly aware of that. Or perhaps someone else was screaming instead. It was hard to focus.

_Diedrich looked so scared. He’d never seen the man afraid before._

Blood was sticking to his fingertips.

A voice was talking to him, a familiar voice that he couldn’t quite place. It made his racing heart continue to pick up speed, and his fingers clawed at his chest, scratching, peeling, and bloodying his skin further. The pain made him shriek, but he couldn’t stop. He had to calm his heart.

He couldn’t breathe.

_Why did he have to ask? Why couldn’t they have just left him alone? Helping hadn’t helped anything._

Something else was screaming above him, the noise deafening and enough to cover his own noises. No one grabbed his hand. No one told him it was going to be okay. No one told him to breathe in for four.

_I can’t breathe, Diedrich. I can’t breathe._

_Mommy, please._

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sebastian held him so they lay back to chest, murmuring stupid bits of songs into Ciel’s ear. The teen looked up into crimson eyes and smiled softly at the peaceful face above him. Sebastian pressed a kiss to his lips, and Ciel moaned into it, twisting so that he faced Sebastian properly and yanking the older man over him.

The teacher pulled back all too soon. “I think today turned out well. What about you?”

Ciel rolled his eyes at him. “‘That was risky,’ is what I think. Honestly, do you think you could run it by me before you just suddenly announce to not only my psychologist but the entire staff that we’re dating? What if Diedrich had decided to just come barrelling down the stairs and tell Aunt Ann instead? We’d be in a mess right now.”

“But we’re not,” Sebastian reminded him cheekily before pecking him soundly on the lips and pulling him up into his arms. “We’re in bed, in each other’s arms, thinking about the new year and how it will be the first of many we’re going to spend together.”

“Are we? You see, I was certain that I was imagining you in nothing but that half apron you were wearing earlier, making me chocolate cake.” He pressed a hand to Sebastian’s collarbone. “And then when you lifted the spatula to taste the batter,” he whispered, trailing his hand down, “it dripped down your body, sliding further and further until you really were a mess.”

“Oh?” Sebastian smirked and captured the hand that was skimming a bit too close to his boxers. He pressed a kiss to the chilled fingertips, then to the first knuckle. “That would be awful. After all, we both know how much you _abhor_ messes.”

“Then I’d just have to clean you up,” the teen breathed, his pulse quickening as his teacher popped one of the captured fingers in his mouth. A tiny gasp left Ciel’s lips as Sebastian sucked on his finger, swirling his tongue around the tip before nibbling on the flesh. When the teacher’s other hand drifted down to grab Ciel’s hips, he moved first, rutting his growing erection against the older man’s thigh and moaning loud enough that Sebastian laughed at him.

“Come here, my darling, precious boy,” he whispered, and the words made a strange warmth spread through him. While Ciel wasn’t the type to get off on belonging to someone else, the weight that those words held- the absolute certainty that Sebastian must feel when he called Ciel that- reminded him exactly why he loved this man.

_Dear, God, I said it, didn’t I?_ Ciel wondered in a daze as Sebastian kissed him again. _I love him._ The thought made him giddy. _I love him. I love Sebastian._

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Everything shifted to the left, and it felt like the world was tipping over. He still couldn’t breathe. Where were they going? This wasn’t the way. He knew the way by heart, but he couldn’t find his voice over the raspy breathing and the rawness of his throat.

So he watched with wide eyes and another shriek on his lips as they took the wrong turn. His heart felt like it was going to explode. He wanted Sebastian. He wanted Sebastian _now_.

_Sebastian lying bloody on the floor, the small puddle pooling around his face and his eyes closed._

“No!”

_Mey crying as she tried to wake him. Finny rushing to the bathroom to get some towels. Bard calling the ambulance._

_Oh, god, the ambulance._

He felt the bitter sting of bile as it rose up his throat and choked him. As he inhaled through his nose in an unconscious effort to still breathe, some went up his nose and burned as he cried out. His fingers reached for his throat now, squeezing, slapping, moving the flesh beneath his fingertips in an attempt to breathe again.

Still the sound of screaming.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sebastian woke him up from the nightmare, and Ciel instinctively lashed out with his legs, finally able to move. The teacher grunted, falling backwards as his hand came up to where Ciel had kicked him. It didn’t register yet to the teen what had happened, still hearing a flat-line, still feeling hands groping at him. He stared blankly at the moaning man and couldn’t feel any remorse, his mind tricking him still into thinking he was in the dream.

Of course, after the delirium ebbed and the realisation of what he’d done kicked in, Ciel gasped and scooted over to his teacher’s head, pressing sloppy kisses all over Sebastian’s face in apology. His body was still running off of adrenaline from the dream that was slowly fading away, and his anxiety kicked in, telling him desperately to make it up to Sebastian or the older man would hate him for being injured, whether by accident or not. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered fiercely, kissing his teacher’s lips, and Sebastian nodded, wrapping his arms around the teen like he always did after a nightmare.

However, rather than calm him, the contact made Ciel’s heart race and his stomach turn. The same, unexplainable fear that he’d felt on New Year’s gripped him again, and he couldn’t help the small shriek that came out of him at the feeling of someone’s hands on him. He squirmed violently to get free, almost with some animalistic instinct that told him that if he wasn’t released something awful would happen. It terrified him further, trying to pinpoint where it was coming from and why it had suddenly appeared.

Thankfully, Sebastian let go of him quickly, allowing Ciel to scurry back to the top of the bed. He spread a hand over his chest and waited for his heart to calm down. With wide eyes, he looked in shock at Sebastian and tried to figure out what the hell had just happened. The teacher hadn’t even touched him below the ribs, and Ciel was reacting? Was it because of the dream? Was it something else entirely?

“Love, what’s wrong?” Sebastian murmured, crawling towards him as slowly as possible. “Ciel?”

“Don’t touch me!” he snapped, the idea of having his second panic attack in as many days making him hysterical. God, this was supposed to be ending; he was supposed to be getting _better_! When Sebastian didn’t listen and went to grab his hand, Ciel screamed, “I said don’t touch me!” He slid further from the man, even going so far as to slap his teacher’s extended hand.

Then, his heart broke. _Oh, no_ , he thought miserably. He hadn’t meant to be so rude; he hadn’t wanted to upset Sebastian. However, if the narrowed ruby eyes were any indication, he’d done just that. He went to reach for his teacher, but his hands weren’t listening to him, deciding to curl around his pyjama pants instead. His heart wasn’t calming down, and Ciel could tell he was on _this_ side of a panic attack.

A mournful sob bubbled up, and he hid his face in his knees. He was a freak! He was a twisted, broken freak. Eventually, he would have to go back to isolation again, spending unmeasurable locked up and kept safe. He wouldn’t get to see Sebastian or Aunt Ann or anyone but Diedrich, and he’d be all alone. All because he was too fucked up to be a normal human being. 

All because he was getting to the point where he couldn’t even be helped by the man he _loved_.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

“1340, we need back up on an accident on the interstate. Can you lend assistance?”

_Kill me_ , he wished he could beg, but he couldn’t even breathe over his spluttering. God, when were they going to stop? Where were they going?

_Kill me. Please, just kill me. I’m going to die anyways. Put me out of my misery. I’m dying back here. I can’t breathe. Help me. Save me. Kill me._

“1340, where are you?”

He heard the EKG pulsing madly, telling whoever was in the front seat what he already knew.

_“In for four.”_

He tried. He really did. All he got was more burning as the bile resurfaced, and suddenly all he could taste and smell the sour liquid as he choked him. 

_Diedrich grabbing his arms, holding him still as the sirens came._

_“In for four.”_

_Sebastian on the floor._

_“Hold for four. Good, good boy.”_

_Bard looking at him like he didn’t even know him._

_“Now, exhale for four. Perfect. Perfect, my darling, precious-”_

_“You’ll need to sedate him.”_

_God, why didn’t he sedate me?_

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sebastian paced in the foyer, a washcloth pressed tightly to his face as he heard the dial tone in his ears. This was bad. This was so fucking bad, and he had no idea how to fix any of it. Realistically he knew that it wasn’t his job to fix it, but _his_ darling boy was being taken to the _hospital_ in an _ambulance_ , and the ambulance driver had refused to let anyone go with Ciel.

At the time, Sebastian had still been unconscious, but he’d woken up to find out that Diedrich had been forced to call paramedics when the teen had scratched open his chest. He’d tried to ride with the teen, but the paramedic had said that he was too big to ride with the gurney. The servants’ offers to take the psychologist had been met with a firm no- they weren’t family and they would just have to meet him at the hospital. 

Of course, Diedrich had taken off with the younger three, since Tanaka had offered to take care of the unconscious teacher. Tanaka had been the one to fill him in, his normally reserved face twisted with worry. However, if Sebastian had to guess off of what had happened _before_ he passed out, he doubted that _after_ was much better.

When Ciel had reacted so violently to being touched the night before, Sebastian had known that they _needed_ Diedrich. Even if he knew Ciel hated people going behind his back, waking up kicking and refusing to be touched wasn’t anywhere close to normal for the teen, and in all honesty, Sebastian was worried about him. He was worried that he was pushing him down the slope that Diedrich was worried Ciel was just barely hanging onto, and he trusted the psychologist to be rational in all of this.

So, when it came time for Ciel’s session- it had been pushed back on account of the holiday and everything else they’d talked about the day before- the teen was informed both his teacher and his psychologist would be there. Sebastian hated seeing the way his boyfriend’s blue eyes narrowed suspiciously, but he also refused to let Ciel bully him. No, he would inform Diedrich of everything that had happened and hope that the doctor would go from there.

And they had, gently probing into the dream that Ciel had had, hoping for some answers to what had happened. However, it was obvious that the teen was repressing quite a lot of it, only to provide the barest of answers.

_“This is going nowhere,” Diedrich growled, running his hand over his face. “Ciel, you have to_ try _and remember. Now, close your eyes, remember where you were last night, remember the feelings you had when you woke up.”_

_However, the teen wasn’t having it. He sat up from the couch and stalked towards the door. Sebastian reached for him, only to have Ciel jerk away from him like the teacher’s hand was poisonous. The reaction hurt, but he could tell from the pain in those lovely sapphire eyes that it wasn’t personal- Ciel was just really scared. He couldn’t blame him, honestly. Whatever he’d dreamt about seemed traumatic, but that was why they were doing this._

_“Ciel, love, please,” he begged, “help us out. We just want to help. I just want to help.”_

_“I’m trying,” Ciel hissed, but he sighed and went back to his seat, pouting like a little kid. “Where were we?”_

_Diedrich stared at him for a moment before sighing. “The dream- what can you remember?” He leaned forwards in his chair and gave the teen what seemed to be his best supportive look. “Anything?”_

_“I was… strapped down.” Ciel’s hands reached out to grip the couch cushions. “I couldn’t move, and I could hear them talking.” He squeezed his eyes shut, breath starting to come out in shuttering pants. “And one came back with me. I felt hands on me.”_

_“Where were you, Ciel?” Diedrich asked softly, his voice pitched to ease Ciel into a new train of thought but not to break the memory. “Can you describe it?”_

_“I-I can’t be sure. It’s a vehicle.” He sucked in a gasping breath and spluttered as he let it out. “An_ ambulance _. I’m in an ambulance.” Sebastian wanted to move towards him, wanted to wrap his arms around his precious boy and rock him back and forth._

_But, perhaps after last night, that wasn’t such a good idea, was it?_

_Ciel was crying now, his face twisted in pain and eyes still closed. He began pawing at his chest, murmuring under his breath so low that the other two couldn’t hear him. Diedrich seemed to realise what was going on because he got out of his seat and walked over to Ciel._

_“Son, snap out of it,” he said firmly, jostling the teen’s shoulder. When Ciel let out one of those_ god-awful _shrieks, Sebastian felt all the hair on the back of his neck rise. It was practically inhuman, and it made him feel dizzy to hear something like that come from his boyfriend’s lips._

_He could tell by the look on Diedrich’s face that it was affecting the psychologist similarly. “Ciel, it’s okay,” he said fervently. “Stop thinking about it. It’s all right. Come back to us,_ now _. Ciel!”_

_The teen was trembling, his mouth twisted into an odd shape, like he was tasting something awful. His head was moving back and forth in an obvious attempt to say “no,” but it was impossible to tell who he was talking to._

_“Ciel!” Diedrich attempted to shake him again, but just as quick as last night, Ciel lashed out, scratching his psychologist across the face and plastering himself against the back of the couch. Diedrich surprisingly didn’t react much other than pressing a hand to his face to feel for cuts. Sebastian wondered briefly if he experienced something similar with other patients- or perhaps he’d dealt with this behaviour from Ciel before._

_If Ciel had been anxious before, he was having a full on panic attack now, his breath coming out in sharp, pained wheezes and being sucked back in at an impossible rate. He clawed at his chest and face now, nails digging deeply into the skin and causing red streaks to follow in their wake. Sebastian gasped as he saw blood pouring down his precious boy’s cheeks, looking like grotesque tears and mixing with the actual ones that were running down Ciel’s face. What scared him the most was that Ciel didn't even flinch, as he was too far gone to feel pain._

He’s going to hurt himself if we don’t stop him! _Sebastian realised, and he immediately shot forwards to help. His hands reached for the sobbing teen and attempted to reach his face. He needed to pull Ciel out of his trance, and he’d do it like he had at the news station. He’d do it whichever way worked. He just had to help._

_“Sebastian, no!” Diedrich shouted, but he was too late. Sebastian had already grabbed Ciel by the sides of his head and was about to start the breathing exercise when he heard his boyfriend shriek again. He watched in almost slow motion as Ciel picked up the lamp from the table beside the couch and brought it crashing down on Sebastian’s face._

After that, the teacher had collapsed, waking up only in time to hear Diedrich’s car starting. Tanaka had brought him a cold cloth and was pressing it to Sebastian’s injury when he came to. He hissed a bit as it scraped over the gash, but he couldn’t concentrate on that right now.

“Come on, Angelina,” he muttered as the dial tone rang in his ear. “Pick up your fucking phone already!”

No one had called her. In the rush to follow the ambulance, Diedrich had apparently forgotten to even text the woman that her nephew was heading to the hospital and on the verge of a mental breakdown. So, since he couldn’t drive with a head injury, he decided to call her and inform her so she wasn’t blindsided like she’d been eight years ago.

Finally, he heard her answer. “Madam Red!”

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ann nearly stepped on the breaks when she heard the tone in Sebastian’s voice. It was through sheer willpower and perhaps luck that she kept driving until she managed to pull off to the side of the road. Sebastian was still talking in her ear, his words frantic and far from his normal calm demeanour.

“Sebastian, stop. I can’t understand you,” she said before he could get too far. “Talk slower, please. Now, what’s going on?” Suddenly, her eyes widened as she belatedly managed to decipher one word from his earlier rant. “Where’s Ciel?” Ann asked, her heart pounding painfully in her chest.

“Ciel’s gone! He’s on his way to the hospital!” Sebastian sounded so distraught, his voice high-pitched and airless. “He had a nightmare last night- it was really bad- and Diedrich was talking to him about it, and he suddenly freaked out. I don’t know the whole story- he hit me over the head with a lamp- but Tanaka said that he hurt himself in the whole affair and there was so much blood.” A small noise tumbled over the other side of the phone, and Angelina gripped the small device in her hand. “There’s still so much blood.”

“God, no,” she whispered. “Oh, god, and I was just there. I was just at the hospital.” Her voice sounded distant even to herself, but her mind was already drifting.

Images floated up, images she’d spent eight years burying. Ciel in a hospital bed, his small body whiter than the sheets. Pictures of his injuries before the operation. Pictures after. Pictures of the scene of the accident and seeing a huge stain on the pavement. The bile that had rose in her throat as she recognised the stain as where Ciel had fallen and bled out. His hysteria at everything around him as she spent endless nights listening to him screaming.

“I’m going back.” She put her car in drive. “I’ll call you when I get to the hospital. Try to get here as soon as possible, but don’t drive with your injury. The last thing we need is you crashing.” Ciel looked up to Sebastian; he seemed happier whenever his teacher was around. She knew that morale was important in recovery, and if anything ever happened to Sebastian, her nephew would be devastated. It was likely he would even give up.

Sebastian made a noise of approval, and she knew that he was thinking the same thing. "I think Tanaka can take me. We'll meet you and the others at the hospital."

"Diedrich left as well? Did he go with Ciel in the ambulance?" she demanded. Someone needed to be there for Ciel if he was travelling by car. Someone needed to make sure the paramedics sedated him.

"No, they wouldn't let anyone but family ride with him. I just hope they listened to Diedrich when he said that they needed to sedate him." Even over the phone, she could hear the obvious anger that those words carried. A part of her felt that there was more to the story than that, but she let it go. Time was burning here- precious time.

"So do I." She sighed and shook her head. "Okay, well, I'm off. Please don't drive with your head injured, and just tell them to call me if they give you lip at the ER."

"Bye." Ann nodded and hung up. Turning on her blinker absentmindedly. She tried to think of how Ciel was reacting, how bad this was. God, what if he was broken again? What if all the progress he'd made was gone?

What if he never recovered?

She didn't know much about nervous breakdowns, but even the words scared her. If Ciel was really hurting so bad that he had had some sort of breakdown, then the nightmare must've been really bad. She'd been hoping that those days were ending; the dreams had been getting better. Things were working out again, but now all of that was gone.

The memory of Christmas came to her, Ciel's smiling face and the laughter that had filled Phantomhive manor. Nothing could've brought them down, and she'd thought that he was finally kicking off the last remaining shackles of his illness, finally getting ready to start walking towards complete recovery. But it seemed that Christmas was just the calm before the storm, the beginning of the end. It was possible that all of this was just the eye of the storm, a period of sweet, warm breezes and bright sunshine that made you think that you were fine, only to find out that the storms and tornadoes were on their way again. Then, the water came rushing up the shores again and came rushing up before you could blink. They crashed over you, dragging you under and choking you until you couldn't breathe.

Ann just hoped that they didn't start to drown again.

_God, please let Ciel be okay._ She squeezed her eyes shut. "Please, God, let him be okay."

She pulled up to the side of the road, right up the asphalt and close enough that her car rattled every time someone roared past her. Crimson eyes narrowed at the cars and tried to find a way out, growing anxious as she waited and waited. Every moment that she hesitated on the side of the road was another second that Ciel was alone, that he was gasping and reaching out for her all alone. Her body was humming with adrenaline as her eyes darted back and forth.

_What the hell?_ Her hand came lashing out to smash against her horn, practically demanding to be let in. None of these people were heading anywhere so important that they couldn't at least slow down to allow her to pull out in front of them. Didn't they realise that she had to leave _now_? Where the hell was the common courtesy that humans supposedly had?

Suddenly, she saw it- a very narrow gap that she could squeeze into if she really tried hard enough. It would be tight, but it looked like the best she would get. With a small breath of relief, she watched in anticipation as it came closer and closer. While Ann knew it was risky, the image of Ciel in another hospital spurred her on. She hit the gas pedal hard, knowing that if she went fast enough and went straight into the second lane instead of in front of this crazy fast black van, she could probably make it. Her car slipped past it, and she grinned triumphantly. Of course, people honked their horn at her, one screaming louder than all the others.

What happened next really shouldn't have surprised her.

The low, rumbling horn of an eighteen-wheeler was her only warning before she was T-boned, the cab of the huge vehicle hitting the back door on her side and sending her flying. She was only aware for a moment of being airborne before she continued to roll. The airbag exploded in her face, protecting her head even as her body moved forwards. The seatbelt snapped, slinging her body back against the seat and pinning her there, and a small gasp was pulled from her lips. She was aware that she was shrieking or screaming, but all she could hear was breaking glass and metal crunching as she rolled into the median, away from all the other cars. 

However, it was the strangest thing. When she first spoke to Ciel about the accident, he had said that his mind had been surprisingly numb. He hadn't been in pain while it happened. He hadn't been aware of any noise over the car, hadn't heard Rachel or Vincent, and it was like the world stopped and there was nothing but spinning and colours. It wasn't until he was in the dirt that the pain had started to settle in and he'd passed out.

When the car stopped spinning, it was like all of Ann's senses were heightened and her brain was moving at a thousand miles a minute, the adrenaline kicking in as her body prepared for fight or flight. She knew that she had to get out of the car. She knew that there was something wrong with her legs. She knew there was something dripping nearby. She knew that her breathing was being disrupted by _something_ , perhaps the seatbelt still keeping her firmly in place. If she could move fast enough for the epinephrine to keep the pain away, she could slide out of the car, and-

Then, she smelt the smoke.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"1340, our reports say that you're the closest to the crash site. Please, call in."

He rolled his eyes at the dispatcher's voice. What? Pick her up and miss out on this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity? He reached over and snapped off the radio, tired of hearing her snap at him. There were hundreds of ambulances in this city; someone else could pick up the accident victim. Besides, after today he would be quitting his job anyways, so he could care less about what they thought of his disobedience.

Ciel was still gasping in the back, whines spilling from his lips. The sound of them made his heart race, excitement flaring at the knowledge that he _finally_ had saved the teen from his misery. Once they went home, he would be able to keep Ciel safe, once and for all. No longer would he be shunned by the media. No longer would he be forced to experience the terrifying stress that had caused him to break like this.

But it was okay. It just meant that he could piece Ciel back together again, make him whole and fill him with all the pure things in the world and keep him safe from the black.

The man in black had been injured by Ciel's own hands. That had to mean something, even if that _demon's_ name kept falling from Ciel's lips. Even if it was accompanied by wheezing calls for his aunt and the fat psychologist, that was the name that made his skin crawl the most. Ciel wasn't calling for _him_ , only _Sebastian, Sebastian, Sebastian_. The fears that had bloomed at the masquerade were confirmed with every sobbed plea.

_Sebastian has corrupted him! He's taken what is mine and twisted my beautiful soul into some disgusting monster. God above only knows how long it will take me to fix him again. I'll have to purge his soul of that bastard's influence, clean his spirit. It might not be pleasant for the boy, but it can't be helped. He should have been more careful. Lucifer can be very persuasive, but it is our duty as humans to resist his temptation._

He glanced in his mirror at the bloodied boy. "Oh, my poor dear," he whispered as he saw those fingers clenching over the already bleeding chest in an attempt to get to his heart to calm down. "Don't you worry," he assured the teen, "because soon we'll go far away from this place, and no one will ever try to break you down again."

He would keep Ciel safe. He would teach him about the snow and the calm and purity. No one would ever hurt him again because no one would ever look upon Ciel's face again. Sapphire eyes would be for him and him alone. Porcelain skin would be touched by him and him alone.

Ciel Phantomhive would be for him and him alone.

A giggle rose up in his chest. However, as he turned at the corner, he could see his partner waiting for them in the new ambulance, pacing back and forth like he was nervous, and the giggle stopped. If that idiot was nervous, then it could only mean that something had gone wrong. He rolled his eyes, not surprised that he'd been disappointed once more.

He slowed to a stop but kept the doors locked. He just needed a moment with Ciel before he left their private little world to deal with that buffoon. So, he moved towards the gasping teen in the back and knelt by his side. Blue eyes locked on him with obvious effort. They would keep drifting to the right more, only to snap back onto him, like the teen was having problems focusing on one thing. It made sense, considering how long he'd gone without a proper breath of air.

They widened when they locked onto the respiration mask that he picked up. Ciel must've recognised it. After all, when he'd been hospitalised, they surely used anaesthetics on him. He caressed the teen's face gently, shushing softly to calm him. "Don't worry," he promised. "I'm just going to take the hurt away, now. I'm going to make everything better."

He watched Ciel squeeze his eyes shut, and a wave of pride flooded him. Without any hesitation, he fitted the mask over the boy's mouth, quietly instructing him to breathe in and breathe out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you hate me? ;_;
> 
> Okay, so my beta brought this up, and I thought I should clarify. During situations such as car accidents or the like, the body can actually start spitting out insane amounts of adrenaline and will trick your spinal cord into not transmitting the signal that you're injured to your brain. This has helped many people stay level-headed and alert as they get help or do other things to attempt to save themselves. We learned about it in psychology a month or so ago, so I'm a bit unclear on the in-depth explanation. This phenomenon is why Ann didn't immediately pass out when she was hit by the car.
> 
> The symptoms of a nervous breakdown are varying, so I had trouble giving it a clear and obvious description. However, it's this general ball park that Ciel's mental state is in, so if his thoughts were scattered or incoherent, it's because he's literally so overwhelmed that he's having issues processing what's going on.
> 
> Also, I would like to apologise for the shorter length to this chapter. I worried and fussed over how short it was compared to my latest chapters, but I honestly felt that if I prolonged it the effect would be ruined.^^'
> 
> A hug to whoever can guess who stole Ciel and why. XD


	19. One Great Mess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the gurney comes through the doors of the ER, it was not who they had expected.

Possibly one of the worst parts of Fred Abberline’s job was when he was called in to investigate cases involving people he knew. When Maria’s parents had reported a break-in, he’d been called out to the address to look around, trying to comfort his in-laws while simultaneously keep a cool head about the situation. It had been difficult to maintain the same objective inspection that helped him on all other cases, but he refused to let bias affect his ability to do his job. It was why he was the second best detective in the county. It was why so many people relied on him.

 

However, he now had to draw up that same well of objective thinking as he came to the scene of the wreck. His blue eyes scanned over the other vehicles that were lined up on either side of the road, each one waiting for their turn to pass by the accident and make their way forward to wherever they had to be. Some look inconvenienced, rolling their eyes rather obnoxiously and informing everyone around them how they were _convinced_ whoever decided to get into an accident had to be targeting them personally.

 

Others were perched in their seats, craning their necks to get a glimpse as if the wreck was some sort of sideshow attraction for them to wince over but eventually put in the back of their minds since they didn’t know the person being loaded into the ambulance. Abberline disliked these people the most; treating an accident like it was a movie to gawk at and discuss over dinner like it was nothing without having the slightest interest beyond that. None of them would care about whether the person was dead or alive, save for that a death would be far more interesting to gasp and pretend to be choked up over when they recounted the tale to their families and friends.

 

He parked next to another cruiser and jumped out of his vehicle. The ambulance was still there, and he could see a bright splotch of red amidst all the silver and white inside. He marched over to where they were loading her in, praying that she wasn’t injured enough to be unconscious.

 

“What happened?” he demanded, not talking to anyone in particular but directing his attention to the officer that stepped forwards. “How is the other driver?”

 

“He’s fine, Detective Abberline. Just bitching about the damage to his truck.” He sneered, showing how much he thought of the driver despite his neutral tone. “He said that Dr. Durless seemed in a great hurry and pulled out in front of him without even bothering to make sure that she had the space to. He clipped her in the back on the driver’s side, sending her spiralling into the median.”

 

“Jesus,” Abberline hissed, looking up at the ambulance as they shut the doors. “Injuries?”

 

“Broken legs, definite concussion, either cracked or broken rib, and a lot of bruising. She was wearing a seatbelt and the airbag did what it was supposed to, so there wasn’t much else that could have gone wrong. She didn’t get ejected, but she’s still with us right now.”

 

“Has anyone contacted Phantomhive manor?” Abberline asked, glancing at his watch and knowing that Ciel was probably freaking out. He’d known the family for years, working with them to ensure that anything that Ciel needed was taken care of with little or no trouble. If they needed a police escort to go to the hospital, he was there. If someone threatened him, Abberline took the call. He knew that this favouritism wasn’t healthy for someone in his position, but Ciel was a special case, a constant reminder of that hellish first day of his.

 

An overturned car on the side of the road. A girl who realised what she’d done and had turned herself in, screaming and sobbing too much to make any sense. Having to look Madam Red in the eye and confirm what her colleagues had told her, that _yes, your sister and brother-in-law are dead, but your nephew is alive_ like one person surviving the tragedy was supposed to be a simple and easy balm to the immense pain of knowing the closest person to you in the world was gone forever. Always knowing which room was Ciel’s, even if they moved him, because of the screaming that carried all the way down the hall.

 

When he had taken his oath, he had silently vowed to protect any person who needed his help. He’d promised himself that he would do his best to make his home safe, to stop demons in their tracks, but it seemed that no matter how hard he tried, Ciel Phantomhive’s demons would never be expelled for as long as he lived. There were still shadows in those round, sapphire eyes, but there was nothing Abberline wouldn’t sacrifice to bring the teen some sort of peace. Even if it was something as small as visit him and Ann whenever he heard about something being done in Rachel and Vincent Phantomhive’s memory or perhaps giving Ann a present for Ciel for Christmas but telling her to sign it with her name, he went out of his way to work towards bringing the light back to those eyes.

 

He just wished that things could actually start looking up for the cursed teen, but it seemed that nothing good came without the other shoe dropping eventually. He recalled once when he had told Ciel to pray for better times, to turn to faith that things would get better, and the frowning thirteen year old had turned, looked him straight in the eye, and replied bitterly, “God has forsaken me. There’s no reason to pray to someone who doesn’t listen.”

 

Back then he had thought that perhaps it was hormonal dramatics- one of those things middle schoolers said at the height of their suffering because they were still trying to figure out life and all its rules. However, as time went on, he started to wonder whether or not God truly had left Ciel Phantomhive on the side of the road all those years ago. After all, it seemed too cruel of someone who was said to be merciful and loving to give such a small and innocent child such a horrible test of faith.

 

If it had been a test, Ciel had decided to switch out of the class instead.

 

The ambulance screamed as it raced down the opening the officers made in the street. He hoped desperately that what the paramedics had found was the worst of the injuries and that there wasn’t something hidden that they had yet to find and would ultimately make Dr. Durless’s recovery difficult. After all, she was such a huge part of Ciel’s life that the teen would be absolutely destroyed if anything serious happened to her. When he’d first been brought in, Ann had been his rock, throwing away all of her other responsibilities in order to keep him company day and night at the hospital. Fred had never seen such devotion to a child in his line of work, and he would be sick to his stomach if he had to be the one who watched it end.

 

He pulled out his cell and punched in the number for the manor, knowing that he had to tell Ciel before Ann’s absence sent him into a panic. Fred pressed the phone to one ear and covered the other to hear over the din of car horns and police sirens. His attention was momentarily drawn to the tow truck as it pulled up to the scene, but he continued to focus on the dial tone in his ear.

 

 _Something’s wrong_ , a distant part of him realised as the phone rang for the fifth time. Usually Tanaka answered it by the third ring, but it went to voicemail instead. He frowned and hung up, but he found Sebastian’s number in his contacts. The teacher followed Ciel around like a faithful hound, so it was safe to guess that he would be able to get a message to the teen faster than even Tanaka could.

 

Only, this yielded the same results as calling the manor. He waited anxiously as the phone rang eight or nine times and was only given the teacher’s voicemail instead of the man himself. Thoroughly concerned now, Abberline looked through his contacts for any of the servants, knowing that he probably had Finny’s number still in his contact list after the incident back in October. Even if the blonde gardener probably didn’t take his phone with him when he went out into the orchards and rose beds, it was doubtful that he left it out of earshot of someone else.

 

Before he could find it, however, someone tapped his shoulder. He turned to face the officer from before, keeping his face neutral even if he was internally frustrated at the interruption. It was the look on the officer’s face that kept him from snapping because there was no way that that expression had formed from insignificant news.

 

“She got a phone call from a Sebastian Michaelis shortly before she wrecked. Based off the report from the driver, she had probably pulled off to the side of the road to accept the call, and whatever news she got from Mr. Michaelis caused her to speed. However, she wasn’t heading towards the manor but back into town.”

 

 _Oh god._ Abberline instinctively tightened his grip on his cell as his mind raced with all the reasons why Sebastian would call her. Had Ciel run away again? Had something happened to the psychologist? He had sensed that something was going on between the two doctors; had he gotten into an accident as well?

 

“I’m going to Phantomhive manor,” he told the officer with a frown. “I can’t seem to get ahold of anyone, and that never happens. Tanaka is always there, at least, to answer the phone and door. Besides, someone has to tell Ciel what’s going on.”

 

“I’ll give you updates over the radio,” the officer assured him, but Abberline was already almost out of earshot, heading towards his cruiser and not wasting a second before sliding inside. He flipped on the siren and lights, pulling over to the road that lead to the manor and waiting patiently before started towards the solitary manor in the forest.

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

The seats in the emergency room were far too small for Diedrich, and he shifted angrily as he wished that they had adjustable armrests. Was it too much to ask that the hospital take in account that perhaps not everyone on this earth could be comfortable between the rough plastic bars? He knew that it was unlikely that they would care either way, which infuriated him even more. How the hell were those who had to wait in anguish for any news about their loved ones supposed to feel any better if they had shit squeezing their sides? He had half a mind to complain about it to someone, but he doubted that anyone would actually care.

 

Of course, rationally he was aware that he really wasn't angry with the seats or the hospital at all. No, he was going out of his mind with worry because they had left _after_ Ciel and had arrived _before_ him. It had been more than half an hour since the ambulance had sped away with his godson in tow, yet the nurse at the desk had just shaken her head with a frown when he'd asked if Ciel had been brought in already.

 

Diedrich heaved himself from the chair and started to pace, making sure to keep out of the way of the strip of floor he'd watched half a dozen teams dash across with a gurney. If Ciel came in, the last thing he wanted to do was stand in between the doctors and the ER and possibly delay his godson’s help. He had no idea how bad the chest wounds were or whether or not there was anything else that they could do for him than perhaps put him on suicide watch.

 

 _I bet this is killing Sebastian_ , he mused absently, sparing a glance at the shaking teacher. Tanaka had driven, refusing to let someone who had a head injury do so in case Sebastian passed out, so the entire household was taking up a small corner of the ER, waiting for Ciel or Ann to come through the doors. Sebastian especially was taking it bad, his hands visibly trembling as he subconsciously ran his fingers through his hair. Thankfully he hadn’t broken down into tears like Finny had. The gardener had spent the first ten minutes after they arrived at the hospital sobbing, and it had taken a cup of tea from the sweet nurse behind the desk to calm him down again.

 

It had been twenty minutes after that of the five of them waiting in tense silence, pacing whenever the urge came as they waited for Ciel to come through the doors. Diedrich had wondered for only a moment whether or not they were at the wrong hospital- perhaps the ambulance had taken him to the next town over- but he remembered seeing the name of their hospital on the side of the ambulance before it drove away. He’d even walked up once to ask if the number on the ambulance was one registered to a connected clinic or somewhere else that possibly could have taken the teen in instead, but the nurse had just solemnly told him that the ambulances for the clinics ran through a separate company.

 

_They might have gotten stuck in traffic. There might have been an accident somewhere in town and they can’t pass through it. Sebastian had said something about the roads being clogged. Maybe he’ll come through the doors at any moment, and everything will be okay from there._

 

His hands balled up into fists, and he continued to pace. _Dammit, where is Angelina?_ She was supposed to get there before even Sebastian did, and now both her and Ciel were missing in action. He tried very hard to avoid fantasising in his line of work- he spent hours every day trying to encourage his clients to avoid irrational thoughts and harmful fantasies- but all of those normally rational thoughts were spiralling out of control for every minute more he paced. His hands released their fists, letting the sweat dry before clenching again. He needed something to release stress.

 

The last time he’d been this anxious, he’d had Ann nearby and had just taken his stress out on her. Of course, that had been when Ciel had been quarantined for that short period and it had seemed like nothing he did got through to the boy. This was much, much worse.

 

He hadn’t seen Ciel break down that fast in quite some time. It was worse than what had happened back in October, when Ciel had lost touch with reality at the news station; Ciel had _attacked Sebastian_ \- Sebastian, who could normally get the teen to come back out of his head. He’d attacked Diedrich as well, but that wasn’t new. He probably had at least one scar from when a patient had attacked him in a fit, and that sort of thing really didn’t faze him anymore. When one works with mentally ill people, they had to accept the risk of whatever happened during a session. However, for Ciel to attack his teacher as well, it must mean that whatever memory or possible hallucination must have been stronger than the teen’s consciousness.

 

 _I’ll have to talk to Ann about how to avoid something like this in the future, but we need to decide on a course of action to determine what’s going on inside Ciel’s head. The dream he was describing… it’s too detailed to be just a nightmare. The ambulance is a reoccurring problem with him. We’ve talked about it before, toyed with the idea of symbolism, but it never came to anything._ Diedrich frowned. _Maybe I didn’t dig enough. I should have noticed beyond just noting it that Ciel had an unnatural and unexplainable aversion to them, but I didn’t do anything._

 

“Sir?” the nurse at the desk asked, her voice soothing as she started around the desk. “Listen, if you would like, I can ask someone out in the garage radio the ambulances and see where your son is.”

 

He almost corrected her but didn’t in an effort to save time. Instead, he just nodded and offered her a tense smile. “Thank you. That would be-”

 

The doors to the waiting room slammed open, and they both turned to see the gurney being wheeled in their direction. However, it was obvious that it wasn’t Ciel on the stretcher, the white pillow covered in…

 

Red

 

Crimson hair. A pale face coloured with a slight rose tight across her ashen cheeks and bright red lipstick spread across her lips. Her nails were blood red, but so were her hands and arms. There was blood and bruises and wounds oozing blood, and the red dress that clung tightly to her body was split open so that they could get the EKG in place. However, those beautiful eyes- vibrant, sparkling, red eyes- were closed tightly, painfully.

 

“Angelina?” he asked softly, the air in his lungs simply disappearing and making his chest tighten. He watched the gurney go by in slow motion, his heartbeat and the blood rushing in his ears the only noises he could hear, and it was like watching a movie but the pain he was starting to feel was twisting too much for it to be fictional.

 

Then, in one harsh instant, it clicked. Ann was on the gurney. His Madam Red was injured and being wheeled into the ER, and suddenly he knew why she hadn’t shown up. He knew why the traffic had been slow coming into town. He knew that suddenly this day had gotten a whole lot worse. He couldn’t tell the extent of her injuries, but they had to be pretty bad to warrant being taken into the ER.

 

Her eyes moved at the sound of his voice, and he found it again. “Angelina!” he shouted, moving forwards to run with the doctors. “Is she okay? What happened?”

 

“Accident on the highway,” one of the nurses told him as he dragged the IV cart. “The car rolled. Please, let us through, sir.”

 

 _The car rolled._ He stopped running and watched absently as they kept moving towards the doors to the ER, the words all too familiar.

 

_“Diedrich, oh god. It’s Rachel and Vincent. The car rolled.”_

 

The call had come at midnight. He’d answered it in his hotel suite. Ann had sounded young and terrified.

 

_“They’re dead, and Ciel is…”_

 

“Sir? Sir, are you okay?”

 

He blinked out of his haze and looked around. The servants and Sebastian were standing, their faces all displaying some degree of horror. Diedrich blinked and looked back at the nurse talking to him, her brows pulled down in a worried frown. It took him a second to try to remember why.

 

_“It’s really bad, Diedrich. Please, I need your help here.”_

 

He closed his eyes and breathed in slowly, shoving every single rash and erratic thought deep, deep down and then forcing himself to regain his composure. As he let out the air from his lungs, he felt his heart start to beat slower and slower, and he used that as a mantra to calm himself. While it was something he tended to avoid suggesting to people, meditation worked wonders in times like this, if only for a moment.

 

“I’m fine,” he finally said, opening his eyes. “I need you to contact the ambulance garage, see if you can track down my son. His name is Ciel Phantomhive, he’s eighteen, and there was only one driver, which means that-”

 

“ _One_ driver?” she asked, interrupting him. Her eyes widened in her face, but she started shaking her head in denial. “I’m sorry, sir, but that’s _really_ against regulation. We always require at least two per bus; after all, what would happen if the patient’s condition worsened or something? The driver can’t work on them and drive at the same time.”

 

“There was only one man,” he insisted, turning to the servants for confirmation. Bard and Mey nodded fervently, their eyes both narrowing. He was sure that their training was kicking in, running through all the reasons why the ambulance would only have one driver. “Did you have an ambulance stolen perhaps?”

 

“No, and we always have them scrapped, so no one could have possibly gotten one at the junk yard.” She cleared her throat. “Listen, I will go to the garage and personally ask them if there were any abnormalities in today’s line-up. Please stay here and wait for your wife to come out in case the doctor needs to make a decision about one thing or another.”

 

Before he could correct her about Ann being his wife, she was gone, pausing only to talk to another nurse so that the desk wasn’t unmanned. It was the second time in less than ten minutes he’d allowed her to make a mistake about who Ciel and Angelina were to him, and he was surprised by the huge part of him that didn’t care if she thought that they were his family.

 

Immediately the thought made him feel guilty. He couldn’t steal Mole’s son like that, and he and Ann were hardly that serious for him to be going around calling her his wife. What if she didn’t want to get married to him? What if Ciel didn’t think of him as anything other than his father’s weird, German friend?

 

_Diedrich, stop it. You have to focus right now, and you can’t be slowed down by these cognitive disorders. Now, you need to say something to the servants because they’re probably freaking out right now, and they need you to be level-headed._

 

“Mey, Bard, I need you to stay here with me,” he said immediately, turning to face them. “If there’s something going on, it might reach out to Madam Red as well. She’s normally a really safe driver, and I find it illogical that she got into an accident that easily.” He looked at Sebastian, Tanaka, and Finny. “You three will stay with Ciel when we find him; I need two of you outside his door and another patrolling the halls. The last time he was in town, he was almost kidnapped, and I have a feeling that both him and Madam Red being in the hospital will get out to the press eventually.

 

“Now, it’s quite possible that they will be here for an indefinite amount of time, so as soon as things have calmed down, we’ll start shifts. It’s quite possible we can pull some strings and get them set up in the same room.” He frowned at Sebastian. “I don’t like this, but I’m going to have to ask you to refrain from anything with Ciel for a bit- not only because of Madam Red’s proximity but also because we have no idea what his mental state will be. I’m not sure how many lamps are in the hospital rooms nowadays, but I doubt you want another to match the injury you already have.

 

“If we do shifts, you all are welcome in my home. It’s two-bedroom, and there’s a rather comfortable couch. We- Madam Red and I- stayed there with Ciel when he was first in town, remember?” he asked the older three servants and was comforted by their nods of approval. “Yes, so you remember the general layout from before. I’ll see whether or not we can get-”

 

The doors opened again, and they all turned to see who was coming in. Unfortunately, it wasn’t a gurney carrying Ciel, but Detective Abberline rushed in with another officer, his auburn hair dishevelled from running his fingers through it too much. He approached Diedrich easily, frowning enough to make the psychologist worried. Had they found Ciel? Was there a more terrifying reason why his ambulance hadn’t arrived?

 

“Doctor,” Abberline greeted, extending his hand.

 

Diedrich took it, shaking it firmly before replying, “Detective, what’s going on?”

 

“Did Madam Red arrive yet?” At his nod, Fred frowned, “So Ciel knows that she’s injured? Where is he? How’s he taking it?”

 

Frowning, Dee shook his head. “So you _don’t_ have any news about Ciel?”

 

“Ciel? No, what’s wrong with him?” Blue eyes widened fearfully, and Diedrich sighed. “I’m here to talk to you about Madam Red’s collision. I tried going to the manor first, but there was a note that you were all at the hospital and would return soon. I thought perhaps you had been told about the accident somehow.”

 

Sebastian stepped forwards, but he didn’t get too close, the expression on his face making it obvious he didn’t feel comfortable adding in his bit. “We left that in case Lizzy or someone stopped by. We all went to the hospital for Ciel, and Madam Red had been on her way as well when I talked to her on the phone. Why? What exactly happened to her?”

 

Abberline sighed and pulled out his notepad, and if things weren’t the way they were, he would’ve smiled. It was one of the unique things about Abberline that he still wrote everything down in a tiny notebook during a case, even when all his colleagues at the station copied them down in their phones and tablets. “She was heading towards the manor, but pulled off to the side of the road- no doubt to accept your call, Mr. Michaelis- but when she pulled back onto the road, she sped into a very narrow opening and was slammed into by an eighteen-wheeler. Thankfully, traffic was pretty tight, so they weren’t going the full speed. And, even though the vehicle rolled a few times into the median, her seatbelt and airbag did exactly what they were supposed to and kept her injuries from being to life-threatening.”

 

The short description of the accident had made Diedrich weak at the knees, his mind providing a very vivid image of Ann tumbling and screaming, but it was the very last bit that made him lose his ability to stand. Sebastian and Abberline immediately caught him and took him over to a chair, allowing the psychologist to catch his breath.

 

 _She’ll be okay. She’s rattled up, but she’ll be all right. I haven’t lost Ann._ He sucked in a breath, focusing immediately on his mantra and trying to calm himself again, and the news that Angelina was enough to make such a stressful day at least a notch better. He squeezed the armrests and tried to fight the smile making its way on his lips.

 

“Thank you, Detective Abberline,” he said gruffly with a short nod. “That’s wonderful. I’m sorry for freaking out, but I’m very glad that she’s going to be okay.” He sighed and pulled himself back up, turning to Sebastian. “Thank you, son.”

 

“No problem. Well, hopefully she won’t be in the ICU too long, and Ciel can see her when he is better.”

 

“Where _is_ Ciel?” Abberline asked. “You said you were here for him, but you asked if I had news about him.”

 

“Ciel had some sort of break down,” Diedrich answered grimly. “We were in a session, discussing a very vivid dream he had had last night, and we couldn’t pull him out of his head. He attacked Sebastian and myself, and he tore open his chest and face. It’s quite possible he did some damage to the muscles in his chest with the way he was breathing, and I couldn’t calm him down.” He sighed, dragging a hand over his face. “I was forced to call an ambulance, but none of us were allowed to ride with him. I don’t even know if the paramedic sedated him, and he left before us half an hour ago. Considering he left before Madam Red’s accident, he should’ve been here by now.”

 

“But he’s not?” Abberline asked, face slipping into possibly the forbidding expression that Diedrich had seen on the normally happy detective’s face. “Is anyone looking for the ambulance?”

 

“The nurse that was stationed at the desk said she would go down to the garage to ask over the radios if anyone has him,” Sebastian said softly, his hand coming up to comb through his hair again. “She also promised to ask whoever is in charge if they know of any irregularities in who was on shift.”

 

“Why was there something wrong with the paramedics?” Fred asked, pulling out his pencil and turning to a fresh page. He started scribbling down everything that Diedrich had said.

 

“That’s the thing,” the psychologist said gruffly. “It was _paramedic_. Singular. One man.” He started pacing, clenching his hands into fists. “I should’ve insisted; it was suspicious enough for me to feel uneasy. Only, I was so distracted with what was happening to Ciel that I hardly questioned it. I could only concentrate on doing what I had to in order to get him to the hospital.”

 

“The nurse no doubt showed some form of shock over this, and that’s why she went down to the garage, yes?” The detective made more notes, his expression getting even stormier, and Dee cursed himself for not _insisting_ that he or one of the servants ride with Ciel. They could’ve gotten rid of all this confusion by just being able to communicate with one another- call each other when there was a snag.

 

 _You can’t change the past_ , he reminded himself. _You can’t help Ciel by blaming yourself, and you can’t stay calm like the others need you to if you fall into despair._ He nodded to Abberline’s question, using a new mantra to keep calm. _They need you calm. Ciel needs you to keep your head. Ann needs you to keep your head. That’s it, Dee._

 

“She went downstairs about five minutes or so before you got here,” he told the detective, trying to think of all of the other details that could be relevant to a possible investigation. “It was a man who drove the ambulance, and he had white hair.”

 

“What, like he was old or something?” Fred asked, looking up from his notes.

 

“No, no, he was younger, maybe Ann’s age, but his hair was dyed white. He wore the paramedic uniform, however, and I couldn’t see any other distinguishing traits about him.” He frowned. “No tattoos or weird scars.”

 

“He had purple eyes!” Finny chimed in. “I remember that because I thought they were pretty, even if he was being an ass.”

 

“I thought he looked familiar.” Mey frowned. “I didn’t recognise his face, but it reminded me of someone.” Her face twisted in thought but quickly relaxed as she shook her head. “I’m sorry, Doctor Diedrich, but I can’t think of it. Should Bard and I start pouring through the files of everyone who works here?”

 

“Not yet,” the psychologist told her, but he was tempted to tell her to go ahead. “After all, we could all just be freaking out over nothing, and they’re caught up in traffic. Plus, it’s technically against the law to search through their records without a warrant. The last thing we need is for you two to get arrested trying to help us.”

 

“Sir!” They turned to see the nurse from earlier, her face flushed from obviously running all the way back up to them but the rest of her blanched of all colour. “Oh god, sir, please tell me you remember the number of the ambulance that picked up Ciel.”

 

“1340,” Tanaka answered immediately, proving once again that he wasn’t the senile old man that a lot of people took him for. “I saw it from the window, and I got the license plate number as well.” At Abberline’s shocked look, the steward smiled faintly. “As a servant of the Phantomhives’ for more than three quarters of my life, I got into the habit of taking note of the little details.”

 

That seemed to distress the nurse even more. “There’s been an accident. The people down at the garage were only informed a little bit ago by the police.” She seemed on the verge of tears, her chest rising and falling rapidly.

 

Diedrich, sensing the imminent panic attack, placed his hands on her shoulders and said very gently, “Stop talking and just breathe. Breathe deeply through your nose and exhale through your mouth, okay? That’s great, dear. Calm down, and then you can tell us what happened.”

 

After working with her for a minute or so, she squeezed her eyes shut, letting her tears run down her cheeks before opening them to look in fear around her. “If it was bus 1340, then your son’s been taken.”

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

 _Taken?_ Sebastian felt his heart stop in his chest at that word. _How? Why?_

 

“Taken?” Diedrich demanded, looking all the part an infuriated parent. “By who? What the hell are you talking about?”

 

“They found 1340 about ten minutes ago on the side of the road near the edge of town.” She started to shake again, the flush from running completely gone now, and Sebastian knew that it was a bit more drastic than what she’d already said. “The driver was in the front seat, shot in the head, and the back was empty, like whoever had shot the driver had just snatched Mr. Phantomhive and taken him away, gurney and all.” She shook her head and added quietly, “The GPS on the ambulance said that it drove to that location, and the driver ignored all the calls that dispatch made. In fact, they were asking him to turn and go to where your wife had wrecked, but there was no response.”

 

Her words didn’t make sense. Who would take Ciel? Who would be so desperate that they would shoot an EMT? Why did the paramedic go to the edge of town anyways? Was it a deal gone bad? If so, then was that why the paramedic had refused to let anyone sit with Ciel?

 

Sebastian looked over at Abberline, who looked absolutely furious. “So, to make this clear, Ciel Phantomhive was stolen from the ambulance and the driver was murdered execution style? Is there anyone on the scene from the police department?” The nurse nodded, and Abberline offered her what looked to be the closest thing to a smile he could muster. “Thank you so much. What’s your name? I’ll speak to your boss about how cooperative you’ve been for us.”

 

“Gracie,” she offered, but she immediately shook her head. “You don’t have to do that, though. I’m just sorry that all these awful things are happening to you guys, and I’ll help out with whatever you need.”

 

Abberline nodded and turned to Diedrich. “We’ll need two teams- those at the hospital and those out looking for Ciel. I know that some of your servants are highly trained, and it would be great to use whatever resources we have available to look for Ciel.”

 

“I’m going to help,” Sebastian insisted, the idea of not being there whenever they found Ciel killing him. He needed to find his precious boy, needed to hold him in his arms and keep him safe and apologise for not being there when he promised no one would ever hurt him. “I’m decent with a gun, and I need to be out doing something.”

 

“Sebastian, I’m sure that that’s true,” Abberline began, and the teacher could tell by the sound of his voice that he was going to say no.

 

That wasn’t an option. “I told Ciel the last time there was a kidnapping attempt that I would never let anyone hurt him again,” Sebastian snapped. “I promised him I would never let it happen again, and now he’s gone! So, yes, I’m going with you, and even if you say no, I’ll just follow you or go out by myself. I need to make sure he’s okay, detective.”

 

Diedrich nodded. “Ciel’s emotional state was damaged at best when he last saw him; he needs someone who can get through to him in case- God help us- he’s gotten worse. Even if it’s a breakdown, it won’t last very long at all if we find him quickly, and I’d rather not have to look for Ciel _and_ Sebastian.”

 

The psychologist’s words brought a tiny bit of joy to Sebastian, and he gave Diedrich a grateful smile. Even if his and Ciel’s relationship wasn’t the best in the world, at least it was still being respected by the teen’s godfather, and no one had mentioned it to the detective. Even if Abberline seemed like a sensible man, Sebastian had a feeling that he was like Bard in terms of accepting a relationship with such an unusual age difference.

 

God, but the idea that Ciel was in the hands of some freak, still gasping and bleeding and begging for someone to save him ignited a rage in Sebastian that ensured that he would find the teen come hell or high water. No one took his boyfriend that easily and got away with it. There would be blood, and Sebastian was in just the right mood to be the one to spill it.

 

Abberline noticed the shift and nodded in confirmation, even if there was some uneasiness still twisting in his blue eyes. “Okay, well, let’s go investigate the scene and see if we can’t figure out who our paramedic was meeting.” He glanced over at the officer that had accompanied him. “We’re heading out now, but I need you to stay here with them in case this is an attack against the family, not just Ciel.” He glanced at the servants. “It’s nothing against you guys and your capabilities, but I would feel better about having a uniform looking after Dr. Durless as well.”

 

“I’ll stay here, too,” Diedrich said quietly. “I can’t move around like I used to, and someone needs to be here to tell Ann what happened when she comes out of surgery later.” He clenched his hands into fists, the action proving that his calm demeanour was just as easily breakable as it was put up. In all honesty, the teacher couldn’t blame him, since he was in the same boat- worrying about his loved one and hoping to God that things were going to be okay.

 

Sebastian nodded, clamping a hand on the psychologist’s shoulder. “Stay safe, okay? I might be able to help a little bit when Ciel has his attacks, but you’re his doctor.” He was treated to the tiniest of smiles from Diedrich before he pulled away. “I’ll call you when we find something, and keep me up to date on Madam Red’s condition. Even if it’s just a text, it would be best to stay connected when possible.”

 

“Of course.” Dark eyes latched onto his, and Sebastian held the gaze, using it to gain some of the same calm from Diedrich if possible. “Bring him back, Sebastian, or I’ll never be able to tell Ann. I just couldn’t.”

 

“He’s coming back,” the teacher swore. “Or whoever took him will have me to answer for.”

 

With that, he turned back to Abberline and followed the detective out of the emergency room, holding on tightly to his composure like a spider to its thread. It would be hard to stay calm through all this unless they found Ciel soon. He was starting to feel the teen’s absence like a missing limb, even if it had only been hours since they’d seen each other last, and all he could think was that he hoped for the sake of the person who had stolen his darling boy from him that Ciel was alone when they found him.

 

He rode in the back of the cruiser, steaming quietly as the officer in the passenger seat flipped the radio to some shitty country station that played a song that sounded like what some hick in a coal mine would sing on his way to work. Sebastian refused to let it dig too far under his skin and just pushed that anger to the growing pool that would be unleashed on whoever had stolen Ciel from him.

 

The roads were better as they approached the edge of town, the traffic caused by Madam Red’s wreck unclogged and cleared out. The teacher wondered bitterly whether or not Diedrich was right and the person who had taken Ciel had arranged for his aunt to be hurt in an attempt to distract them from the abduction. After all, from the sound of it, if things hadn’t been moving slower on the interstate, Ann would have been a red splatter on the side of the road. Even worse, it was possible that a wreck like that could have prevented the others from getting to the hospital in order to wait for Ciel if she had wreck just a little bit sooner.

 

_I wonder how deep this goes. Why would anyone take Ciel anyways? Ransom money? If that’s the case, then I highly doubt that my prideful little student would even blink in their general direction, nervous breakdown or not. I’ll probably get a call in the hour to the likes of, “You’ll never guess what this little shit stole me for. Idiot thinks I’m giving his dumb ass a million dollars.”_

 

The thought brought a tiny smile to his face. It was easy to imagine the teen tied up to a chair but giving his captor the haughtiest look in the world, speaking in his posh, Lord Phantomhive voice. He’d probably call whoever it was a plebeian and cross his arms over his chest.

 

No, even better, they would probably drop him off at the manor in the next hour with a bill for all the sweets Ciel consumed while he was kidnapped. Sebastian could see his little lord demanding tea, only to throw the piping hot drink all over the man if it didn’t meet up to Ciel’s standards. The teen could be a right terror if his tea was not properly brewed, and it was enough to strike the fear in his boyfriend of ever preparing the beverage for Ciel again. Sebastian made breakfast, Tanaka made tea.

 

_Or, none of those things are happening, and Ciel is being hurt right now, you idiot._

 

He frowned at his lap, willing the thought away, but it came back full force. It was true. Whoever took Ciel might not have known what was going on, and the teen could be suffering really badly right now. In fact, even if his captor _did_ know what was happening, he probably had no idea how on earth to help Ciel and was letting him gasp and scream in his panic. Even worse, maybe they were torturing his student for one reason or the other.

 

_Perhaps the press or one of Funtom’s enemies set him up to be kidnapped. Maybe they really are trying to hold him for ransom and will kill him if none of us can get the money in time. Does anyone but Madam Red know how to access his accounts? I doubt that Diedrich has a lot of money just laying around to use as ransom money. I know I don’t. Perhaps we cool pool money together, or if we just ask Ciel what his account number is, that will be fine. He probably has the information somewhere around the house. As forgetful as he can be at times, I doubt he has that sort of thing memorised._

 

Sebastian closed his eyes, sighing quietly as he ran through all their options. If they absolutely needed to, they could contact the authorities like SWAT or something. Someone who leaves enough of a clue that he didn’t even burn the ambulance wouldn’t be smart enough to avoid a tactical team who is trained on winning in hostage situations. Perhaps he could talk to someone at the FBI? If he looked through his phone, he probably still had the number of one of his past students who wanted to become an FBI agent. Hopefully he could call it a favour or something and pull some strings. Either way, they needed some help, and he doubted that they would only be able to pull this off with the small number of police officers available and the servants alone.

 

Of course, that didn’t mean he wouldn’t be the one to pick Ciel and get the hell out of there when the time came. He refused to let anyone else pull his precious boy out of what had to be a hell hole, and he started getting itchy every moment that when by without him being able to see those beautiful blue eyes. Would they still be bright with that innocent spark? Would he still be happy to see Sebastian, even though he had promised his student that no one would ever hurt him? Would he sink back into himself and enter back into that hole that everyone referenced but couldn’t bring themselves to talk about?

 

Would he be a shell?

 

The country music shut off, and he was suddenly aware that they had arrived at the crime scene. Abberline opened the door and slid out, his blue eyes scanning over the scene and taking in all the cars, and Sebastian stepped out as well. However, when he was able to look around, his eyes latched immediately onto the empty ambulance.

 

It was something out of a horror movie- the empty ambulance with its doors swinging in the wind like the person who had left the scene couldn’t be bothered to even close them before fleeing. He wondered how many people it had taken or what type of vehicle they had needed in order to not only get the gurney out but all the respiratory and cardiac gear as well.

 

“They’ll be in a van or another ambulance,” he said, and Abberline nodded. “Do you think they intended to leave town?”

 

“If they did, they’re long gone. However, I can contact the airport. I doubt they’d have made it in time, so I’ll make sure none of them lift-off without being thoroughly checked for an extra passenger. Now, we’ll need to keep a watch out in minor clinics, since I doubt that Ciel could last very long without medical attention. If Diedrich needed to take him to the hospital, then I’m guess his wounds are pretty serious.”

 

Sebastian nodded blankly, not wanting to think of the injuries that Ciel could be sporting and being denied assistance to. It was terrifying to imagine him possibly as bad as Diedrich had described, chest scratched open, blood gushing from wounds that actually did little to describe the true turmoil that Ciel was experiencing. What if his captor didn't take care of the wounds, and the teen got an infection? Fury rose at that image of his precious boy in a fever haze because whoever had taken him was too scared to get him medical attention, and he used that anger as fuel to walk over to the ambulance and peer inside. 

 

“They took the equipment, so whoever has him has some inkling of how to use it.” Sebastian pointed to a dropped glove just outside the ambulance. “You might get prints from that, but I doubt they'll be from anyone helpful.”

 

Abberline frowned and picked it up, hands protected by his own plastic gloves to avoid contaminating evidence. Bright blue eyes narrowed suspiciously at the article. “Quite possible that this is what the captor wore on his way out the ambulance, but I doubt it. He wouldn’t be this careless, not after all he went through to actually get Ciel. However, we’ll run prints on it all the same to avoid leaving anything out.”

 

“Sir!” an officer called to Abberline from the front of the ambulance. The two of them hurried over to the nervous young man, and Sebastian’s eyes instinctively widened as saw what had garnered such a response. “Do you think that it’s a message?”

 

“I think that someone needs to contact Othello and figure out what game this creep is playing,” Abberline growled, his entire body stiff as they took in the sickening display that the man who had taken Ciel had left on the hood of the ambulance. “This changes things, Michaelis, if I’m recognising this symbol correctly.”

 

“A Faustian seal,” Sebastian breathed. It was drawn in what could only be blood, and a sick feeling twisted in the tutor’s gut as he sorely hoped that it was the unfortunate driver’s and _not_ his student’s. It was intricate, looking like something out of some weird occult film rather than anything a normal kidnapper would leave behind at the crime scene. The pentagram was perfect, as was the circle. If it weren’t for the fresh blood, he’d guess that it was some sort of 3D decal or something, the lines drawn and coated evenly and with perhaps even love. However, even after all the painstaking details put into it, it was running down the surface in a water pink colour as if someone had tried to clean it hastily. Still, they’d done a piss-poor job of that, if that was their goal, since it seemed that they’d just splashed a little bit in the centre and hadn’t made any effort to wipe at it.

 

“Do you think they were ashamed of their artwork?” Abberline mused, not looking up from the sight of the seal. “Or perhaps, this was a two-man deal, and their partner was afraid we would trace this back to them?”

 

Something caught the teacher’s eye, and he glanced over at what appeared to be a glass bottle. He grabbed a plastic glove from a box nearby and very carefully picked it up. The label made him frown again, and so did Abberline when Sebastian suggested, “Or perhaps, it was a ritual.”

 

“‘Holy water?’” the detective read incredulously. “So, what, was he cleansing the bus?”

 

“Or the driver. Or the crime scene.” A new thought made Sebastian’s heart stopped, but he forced his mouth to shape around the words, “Or Ciel.”

 

“If it’s Ciel, then the ritual must not be done,” Abberline noted. “But what is a Faustian seal?”

 

“Faust was a mortal who made a deal with a demon, managed to make the demon his servant- in return for his seal.” He’d seen something about it in one of his history classes at college and had decided to put more effort into studying it. The idea of selling one’s soul to a demon had intrigued him, but he had no idea why the captor would use Faust’s seal. “Maybe he thinks that Ciel made a deal with a demon in order to get to where he is today- in terms of his company and wealth?”

 

“Maybe, but why would he want to cleanse Ciel of this demon?” The detective’s face was pulled into a scowl. “Jealousy or concern?”

 

“Do you think the murder was part of the ritual?” Sebastian asked, thinking back to the man in the front seat still. “I mean, he needed the blood, and if it’s concern, then he wouldn’t hurt Ciel to get the blood. Plus, if he’s trying to mimic something from the occult, he might have thought that a sacrifice was necessary.”

 

“There’s too many questions in this and hardly any leads to begin with,” the detective growled, beginning to pace. “I just need somewhere to go, someplace to move forward.” He froze mid-step, his face suddenly spreading into a wide grin. “The camera.” He turned to the officer still standing behind them. “Get me the camera chip in the dash, and we’re going to the station immediately.”

 

Sure enough, there was a tiny little camera lens poking out from an inclined part of the dash in the ambulance, and if the driver hadn’t thought to turn off the GPS, they probably hadn’t disabled the camera. Judging from the mud tracks in front of the ambulance, the second vehicle had been parked right in the view of the camera, so they could at least get the model if not a license plate number.

 

 _Finally_ , Sebastian thought with a rush of excitement. He couldn’t help the small smile that came to his lips as that lead that they needed conveniently presented itself. It had only been an hour or so since they’d lost contact with Ciel, and they were already getting close. _We’re getting close, my precious boy, and then I’ll take you back from whatever freak has stolen you from me. Hopefully, you’ll be fine._

 

The thought made his happiness dim a bit. _Hopefully, he’ll be fine._

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

“So, we can expect more from you in the future?” she asked, leaning forwards in her chair, smiling into the face of the eager, young author that had penned some obscure novel that had gained a bit of popularity in the past few weeks. “You can’t stop now, after all, after giving us a taste of what you’re capable of.”

 

He laughed nervously and tugged at his collar. “Well, I can certainly try. Right now, however, I’m a bit busy, so perhaps when things have settled down a bit, I’ll get right on that, eh?” His blue eyes sparkled mischievously at her, and she grinned back, happy that she’d managed to get him to take the bait. After all, it had become her specialty to make the less experienced let something slip when they were on her stage, whether it be the announcement of a new work or something worthy of gossip later on.

 

 _Or a full-blown panic attack_ , she thought with a slight smirk.

 

After the show, she made her way to her dressing room, ignoring all the idiots that smiled at her or tried to greet her, like the gestures were enough to hide how truly rotten they all were inside. Liars, manipulators, murderers- all of them had a past that had appealed to her when she stumbled upon them. All of them would beg to keep their job, ask for some chance at redemption, and it made her blood sing. Nothing made her happier than listening to some fool grovel on their hands and knees for her not to fire them and kick them out on the spot.

 

Of course, she always took them back, pretended that it was out of the goodness of her heart, but it was really just a small vicious part of her eager to gain that control over their fate. Nothing put a bunch of mongrels back in line like the reminder that their tenuous hold on employment was just her hand wrapped their wrist before they fell down the edge. Jobs were hard to get a hold of nowadays, especially for those who had never graduated high school but had three or four more mouths to feed. Just the mere thought of unemployment could have cameramen continuing to roll compromising pieces of film or have a stylist using the heaviest clothes for her guests so they sweat and squirm under the lights. No one would dare risk getting on her bad side; no one had the gall to try to usurp her.

 

Angela Blanc was a woman who was used to getting what she wanted, to all of her ducks being in legions rather than rows. From her perfectly styled hair to her careful smile that gave nothing away, she had been described as untouchable, unshakeable. 

 

However, when her phone began to play _Crazy_ by Gnarles Barkley, she groaned audibly. For whatever reason, he decided that it wasn’t enough for him to bring her shame by merely living, but he felt the need to also call her sometimes when he was particularly excited. That day in October, when he’d discovered that Ciel Phantomhive would be on her stage and at her mercy, he’d begged for her help in his quest.

 

Of course, she’d said no; the last thing she needed was someone to go missing at her station and then her reputation to be damaged. He’d whined for fifteen minutes before she’d hung up, disgusted that he’d sunk even that low. He was getting desperate now, and she had little doubt that the next time she saw him he would reach a new level of depravity that would bring even more shame to his already disgusting life. It wasn’t enough that she’d changed her name to avoid any connection to him; she couldn’t truly be at ease until he was dead.

 

Still, he would call until she picked up, so she sighed and picked up the smart phone, accepting the call and pressing it to her ear. In an attempt to convey how she _really_ needed this call to be over as soon as possible, she growled, “What do _you_ want?”

 

Angela could hear him panting, no doubt having worked himself up into a tizzy. “Angie, you’ll never believe it.” Ugh, that was _another_ thing she hated. Since they were kids, he’d insisted on calling her by the nickname their father had given her. Despite telling them both numerous times that she _hated_ being called Angie, they had never stopped. She’d escaped it after her parents died in that rather fortunate plane crash, or so she had thought. No, her idiot brother had decided to carry on the legacy single-handedly.

 

“How many times have I asked you not to call me that, Ash?” she asked, voice sickly-sweet. “How many times have I told you that I hate it?”

 

“Sorry, but I’m really excited,” he whispered, and she rolled her eyes as she heard him giggle like a kid. Her stomach turned at the thought of what had him so happy, but she forced it back down. She refused to lose her breakfast to his disgusting obsession ever again. “I thought you at the station would appreciate it, since you could gain a whole lot by leaking this.”

 

“Leaking what?” she demanded. “What have you done?”

 

“I have _him_ ,” Ash whispered conspiratorially, his voice brimming with his sick excitement. “He’s only feet from me, and he’s all mine.”

 

“Ciel Phantomhive?” she asked, feeling the bottom of her stomach drop out. Even as much as she despised the boy and his damn aunt, she knew that Ash getting his hands on the Funtom president would turn out to do more harm than good, especially if the authorities caught him. “How?”

 

“They called an ambulance. They needed him to go to the hospital, but I couldn’t let him slip through my fingers again, Angela.” He wheezed, a disgusting sound that made the hair on the back of her neck stand up. “He’s okay now. We sedated him, and I patched him up.”

 

“You fucking idiot,” she hissed, standing up from her chair. “Do you realise what you’ve done? Don’t you know that the police will tear this city apart to find him? I can tell that you didn’t think this through! You never think things through when it comes to that brat!”

 

“Don’t you dare talk about him like that!” Ash roared, his voice full of anger she hadn’t heard since denying him in October. “He’s not a brat! He’s an angel!”

 

“God, Ash, this is your life we’re talking about, and you’ll be spending the rest of it in jail!” Angela threw the ceramic mug on her stand, watching it shatter against the wall. “You’re going to ruin both of us if they find you!”

 

“But I love him,” she heard him whimper. “I love him more than anything, and my life is so empty without him, Angie.”

 

“ _Angela_ ,” she corrected heatedly, “and you don’t love him. If you do, then you’re sicker than I thought.”

 

“You just don’t understand!” he shouted hopelessly. “You’ve never understood how I feel about Ciel! Besides, what was I supposed to do- let that _demon_ corrupt him?”

 

“What demon?” She hadn’t heard of Ciel being in a relationship. Not even the tabloids had whispered something about a girlfriend. “Who is she?”

 

“ _He_ ,” Ash correctly, spitting the word like poison in his mouth. “That man dressed in black and dancing with Ciel like he deserved to touch something so pure, so innocent in the world. God only knows what evils he’d tricked the poor angel into committing with him.”

 

Her heart raced in her chest, the thrill of having something so obviously secret to share with the world consuming her like a forest fire. “What’s his name? Do you have a name for me?”

 

“I don’t know- whoever the black-haired man is with red eyes.” He growled. “ _Red eyes_ is very fitting for someone who is obviously from Hell itself, yes?”

 

Angela was only half listening. She tried to run through everything that had happened that day. She remembered the man that Ash was talking about, remembered the way he’d calmed Ciel down when no one else could. Was it because they were together? It didn’t surprised her to find out that the teen was gay; none of her slightly flirtatious attempts of getting information out of him had worked, which had forced her to ask about his parents. At first, she had just thought that he wasn’t interested, but the disgust that one of her attempts caused to flash through his eyes had reminded her of that gay singer she’d interviewed years ago.

 

 _His name is Sebastian Michaelis_ , she finally remembered. _He’s employed as Ciel’s teacher up at the manor, since he can’t go to school. Nina had said that the outfit that Ciel was wearing- the one that had made some of the younger interns swoon- had been picked out by his teacher, and he’d taken Ciel home alone after the brat’s panic attack._

 

“Well, how about I do you a favour?” she asked, voice quiet as the idea turned in her head. “I buy you some time to get as far away from this town as possible, and you make sure that you don’t get caught.”

 

Ash practically sang. “Oh, Angela, you’re the best big sister a guy could ask for. I’m so glad you came out ten minutes before me.”

 

She rolled her eyes. “I’m surprised that you weren’t the first one out, what with how rashly you act all the time. Besides, I’m not doing this for just you, you idiot. Do you even know what will happen to me if you get caught, now that you’ve told me that you kidnapped Ciel? I could be charged as an accessory.”

 

“Really?” he asked, voice suddenly very tiny. “Oh, Angie, I’m sorry. I didn’t think-”

 

“That’s the problem, isn’t it?” she asked sweetly. “You _never_ think. You just do whatever you please. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to clean up your mess. I suggest you hit the road as fast as possible. Go to Canada or something with him for all I care, but no one better find out it was you.”

 

“Of course,” he promised her. “I’ll be quick as a bunny. They won’t find a single trace of me anywhere. I even wore gloves when I was in the ambulance, and I used a dummy to pose as the driver since the family saw me.”

 

“They _saw_ you?” God, this day was getting worse and worse. “You’re telling me that the highly-trained professionals that that red bitch hired to keep watch over him saw your face, and you think that will keep you safe?” She froze and closed her eyes, dragging a hand down her face. “ _What did you use as a dummy_?” Angela asked quietly, already knowing the answer.

 

“Oh, I did one of those _Find Your Twin_ sites, and this guy who looks almost exactly me showed up. If we were any closer in appearance, he’d be our triplet.” He sounded rather excited, but every word made her heart clench in her chest. “It was pretty easy to get rid of him, and he doesn’t have a family or anything.”

 

“You _murdered_ someone!” she shrieked. However, the idea of someone possibly overhearing them made her whisper viciously, “Ciel isn’t worth this, Ash. He isn’t worth spending the rest of our lives in prison.”

 

“He’s worth everything,” Ash argued, sounding so reverent that some part of her knew that any chance of talking him out of this would be impossible. “Ciel is worth anything I can offer. I’d give my life for him.”

 

“And ruin mine as well?” 

 

That gave him pause. “I love you, Angela,” he said slowly, “but I love Ciel more.” With that, he hung up. She stared at her phone in shock but then felt that warm feeling completely disappear until she was completely numb, her heart barely beating in her chest. She considered throwing the phone as well, the image of it shattering into a thousand pieces sparking a very minute flame into her.

 

However, Angela just scrolled through her contacts instead. Once she found the number she was looking for, she tapped the little green phone symbol. When she heard the main journalist’s voice come through her receiver, with every ounce of control she had, she said calmly, “I just got an anonymous tip that I need you to look into.”

 

Charles was rolling his eyes; she could practically hear it. “Yeah, sure. What is it?”

 

 _All right, Ash_ , she thought firmly. _You better be on the road._ “What do you remember about Ciel Phantomhive?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAPTER IS TWO MONTHS LATE AND I HAVE PLENTY OF EXCUSES, AS WEAK AS THEY MAY BE. Firstly, anyone who is about to graduate from high school can back me up on the fact that it is VERY STRESSFUL to be a senior. I have end of the year projects every week, I had two AP tests this past week that I studied like a monster for. I had prom last weekend that I had to work on for the last week or so. I also have my therapy and that deal that's going on in my life. On top of all that, lots of stress is not good for your immune system, so I have been sick on and off the last month or so. Also, there's senior stuff such as cap and gown pictures, senior portraits, college stuff, and a bunch of other fuckery that has just consumed my time.
> 
> So, I am sorry. ;_;
> 
> But have this nice little, "Holy shit, where's Ciel?" chapter. Like, on a scale of one to ten, I think Diedrich is at a firm 30 for stress, just like me. Like, first Ciel has a breakdown, and now his honey cake is in the hospital and Ciel is God knows where. Poor Dee man. XD
> 
> But fucking Angela, ima right? Like, sure, use Ciel's disappearance to gain more favours, you bitch. Not like you haven't caused enough suffering. >:| AND IT IS ASH! CONGRATUATIONS TO THOSE WHO GUESSED IT WAS ASH. THE LITTLE SHIT.
> 
> Please comment and tell me if you don't still hate me. I wouldn't blame you if you do with how long I've taken to update, but even if one person still has respect for me, I shall be content.^^'


	20. A Clue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A step towards the truth, but also a step towards the end.

It was the screaming that pulled him from his sleep. The sound of it filled his ears and made him spring up in his bed, eyes moving wildly from side to side to try and locate who it was. It was too shrill to be Finny’s, but Mey didn’t scream so much as shriek. Besides, nothing that the two of them would encounter would cause them to scream bloody murder like that, and his heart started pounding like a madman in his chest. He placed a palm over it in order to coax it back into its normal pace, but what he felt there did nothing to soothe him

He looked down at the gauze that his fingers were spread over, the white bandages wrapped firmly but not restricting his ability to breathe normally. He traced over them in confusion and struggled to remember why on earth he would be covered in bandages like that, but it was then he finally realised that the pale white comforter and sheets wrapped snugly around his waist was not the set that Aunt Ann had used for his bed back at the manor.

_What the hell?_ Sapphire eyes snapped back to the room he was in, scanning his surroundings better now that it had sunk in that he was not in fact in his room back at home. No, this room was smaller with few furnishings and completely white. It was like someone had completely leeched the colour out of every single item, leaving him the only coloured thing in the room. It made his normally pale skin look peachy, and part of him wondered what sort of strange dream he had fallen into.

No, the pain that was starting to blossom in his torso, neck, and face assured him that he was very much awake. In fact, it soon grew uncomfortable to have the bandages chaffing his injuries like they were, and he tried to readjust them so that they didn’t rub as much. He didn’t have much experience in medicine, but Aunt Ann had taught him enough that he was able to at least wrap a wound. It was a small comfort that whoever had wrapped his wound also had a general idea of what they were doing. Honestly, he wouldn’t be surprised if he was in a hospital or something.

It was hard to remember exactly why he was hurt. All he could remember was New Year’s Day, how they had all sat around doing literally nothing after breaking it to Bard and Mey that they were dating. He tried to dig further in his memory for even a scrap of something else, but nothing else came up. In fact, if it hadn’t been for the clock beside him telling him that it was officially January 4, he probably would have thought that no time had passed since he’d taken a nap with Sebastian after lunch.

_At least it’s early in the morning, so I haven’t lost too much time- maybe two and a half days. Maybe I have a brain injury?_ He groped along his skull for more bandages, but he didn’t find even a knot to signal that he’d perhaps bumped his head. _Maybe it’s whatever painkillers they have me on? Dammit, I should’ve listened to Aunt Ann and Diedrich when they went over what painkillers have which side-effects._ Still, that discussion had been so long ago- back when he was still using his cane- that he doubted that he would remember even if he _had_ been paying attention.

Ciel frowned, taking inventory of the situation so far. _I was woken up by a bloodcurdling scream in a completely white room with no memory of how I got here or how I injured myself enough to warrant the bandages. I’ve lost about two and a half days of memories. I don’t seem to be in the city hospital- the rooms there don’t have desks or dressers. This place is obviously meant for someone to stay long-term. In fact, it’s more like my room when I was…_

He sucked in a breath as a horrible, terrifying idea came to mind. The last time his room had been this bare and without even windows had been when he had been forced to stay in one of the inner rooms, completely cut off from everyone and everything in hopes of calming systematically desensitising him to the world again and finding the root of the sheer panic he would experience on a day to day basis once he’d been replaced into his home. The room had been adjusted to only open from the outside, and he’d been given a bed, a desk for eating at, and a dresser to put his clothes in. His only visitors had been Aunt Ann and Diedrich, the only two who could calm him down when he started to sink into the hysteria. It had been nearly six months until he’d been allowed to leave that room, and the idea of being that isolated again made his skin crawl.

_But what could I have done to deserve that again?_ he wondered even as his breaths started to grow shallow. _The last time I had attacked Aunt Ann, but I haven’t hurt anyone this time._

Something started to come back, started to stir in his mind, but it was startled away by another scream. This one was different than the one that had woken him up and definitely belonged to a man, although he couldn’t say for sure how old the man was. His voice was still pretty high and had managed to get shrill near the end before it suddenly cut off.

It had a hint of desperation in it, and the way it suddenly snapped off told Ciel for sure that the owner of the voice was probably dead. If he wasn’t dead, he was surely unconscious.

_I am definitely not locked up like last time_ , he realised with a jolt.

Suddenly, like a switch, his memories snapped back on. He remembered the horrible nightmare about the ambulance, hurting Sebastian during the night and then again when the teacher and Diedrich had tried to pry out of him the contents of the nightmare. He remembered hitting Sebastian with the lamp and Diedrich wresting him to the ground. Bard and Finny had been forced to hold him down, their voices growing hysteric when Ciel had just lashed out again. He remembered the disgusting feeling that had twisted in his gut at the thought of them touching him.

He remembered the tiny voice that had wondered whether or not the nightmare wasn’t just a nightmare.

In Ciel’s brief endeavours with psychology, he’d rolled his eyes at Freud’s ridiculous notion of repressing memories, preferring to believe the psychologists that had a bit more in terms of evidence than some disgusting Oedipus complex. However, he wondered whether or not the crack addict actually had some logic in his theories. After all, if the nightmare was actually a memory, then it was no wonder why Ciel would want to repress it; he knew damn well what the man had been doing to him the ambulance.

_Ambulance_ , his mind supplied him with, almost like a warning, just before the door to his room opened. It caused a jolt of pain to run through him almost immediately, like the mere word was enough to make his body twist in agony. His head snapped towards the door, and he felt his body coil instinctively to fight whoever it was. This wouldn’t be like when he’d almost been kidnapped by that man at the hotel.

The man who walked in was definitely the ambulance driver, if his bleached white hair was any indication. He had violet eyes, which scanned the room before settling on Ciel. There was a resemblance to someone, but it was proving hard to figure out whom in the moment. The man smiled warmly, but it sent a cold chill down his spine all the same when he noticed a small streak of something red along the man’s jaw.

_Blood_ , his mind supplied him with quickly, and Ciel climbed out of bed quickly. “S-Stay back!” he snapped, cursing his voice for stuttering right when he needed to sound strong. “My chef taught me how to fight, and I will break your windpipe!” There- that was better.

However, it just made this guy laugh and set down the tray he was holding- full of food, Ciel noted and instantly felt his stomach twist into knots- onto the desk near the door. He held his hands up in a typical _I surrender_ sign, but Ciel refused to trust that. Instead, he grabbed the lamp from the bed beside him and held it up as menacing as possible. He had to establish that he meant business, and he definitely wasn’t above beating the shit out of someone with a lamp to escape wherever the fuck he was.

Images of Sebastian shored up, laying on the floor bleeding from where he’d knocked him over the head. He gasped and almost threw the would-be weapon from his fingers, but he couldn’t leave himself totally defenceless. So, he just forced those memories down and raised the lamp a little bit higher. The ambulance driver raised a white eyebrow at him but otherwise didn’t say anything.

So, Ciel decided to switch to interrogation. “You’re the ambulance driver, the one who picked me up at the manor, aren’t you?”

“Yes.” This guy didn’t seem to like talking too much, but Ciel knew how to change that.

“You know, if you plan on murdering me like you did those other two, I’m not going down as easy.” A smirk managed its way to his lips, and he added, “In fact, I promise you that if you try to kill me, _I_ won’t be the one dead.”

The idea of killing Ciel must not have even crossed this guy’s mind because his mouth dropped open in shock and disgust. “No! I wouldn’t even dream of hurting you, Ciel! I mean, _I_ was the one who dressed your wounds; would I even bother if I wanted you dead?” He looked genuinely hurt that Ciel had suggested it, but the teen wasn’t buying it for a moment.

“Oh, and those other two? Did you dress their wounds and promise them the same thing? I heard the screams, you sick fuck. I know that they’re either hurt or dead, probably the latter if the blood on your face is any indication. Now, if you could explain to me where I am and why I’m not at the hospital like I’m supposed to be, I’ll consider not feeding you to my dogs when they get here.” He paused, giving the driver another smirk that he hoped promised a slow death. “And I did say _when_.”

“Your servants aren’t going to find you here,” the driver said with a smirk of his own. “We’re on the edge of town, far away from prying eyes. In fact, only three people know where to find this place, and I intend to kill one of them before the night’s up.”

“So, we’re on the edge of town,” Ciel repeated, loving the wince from the driver when he realised he’d answered one of the teen’s questions, “and we’ve re-established that you murder people.” He shook his head with a chuckle. “Really, might as well give me your name and social at this point.”

The driver went to speak, but he was cut off by the sound of the doorbell ringing. Ciel, realising he was missing his shot, tried to rush him with the lamp, but the freak was out the door before Ciel could even dream of reaching him. He heard the bone-chilling noise of not one but five different locks sliding into place. He still tried slamming his shoulder- _ouch_ \- against the door, but it didn’t even jiggle in place. 

_Shit, I really am trapped in here, and he’s probably going to kill whoever it is that just knocked on the door out there._ He looked around the room for _anything_ to use to get the door open, but the heaviest thing not nailed to the floor was the lamp, and he couldn’t think of how to use that to get the door open. _I suppose I should’ve played all those_ Get Out Alive _puzzle games that Diedrich recommended. Then I might have some inkling of what to use._

He began to pace, even if it hurt his chest to continue moving around. As stupid as pacing was, he refused to sit down and be caught unaware by whoever the driver was. He had managed to kill at least two other people, and he’d be damned if he allowed the freak to add Ciel Phantomhive’s name to his list.

The lamp was a constant reminder of what had happened to Sebastian, and he wondered how his boyfriend was. _I got him pretty good_ , he thought miserably. _I’d be surprised if they didn’t take_ him _to the hospital as well._ He wondered if Sebastian was furious with him for attacking him, if he wanted to break up over that and then leave the Phantomhives as fast as possible and find a _normal_ job. After all, there’s only so much crazy a person can take. _It’s a wonder how Aunt Ann and Diedrich has managed to put up with me for so long, not to mention the servants._

Oh, _god_ , Aunt Ann was probably freaking out so much right now. She had stressed the first year or more about an attempted kidnapping- hence why she’d hired Finny on top of the other servants, to patrol the forest and gardens- and she would be freaking out to realise that it had actually happened when she’d had her guard down again. The hotel attempt had made her raise the hatches again and even buy each of the servants a new weapon of their choice for Christmas, but she’d calmed down a bit after Diedrich had pointed out that it had been proven to be a one-man job with a person vendetta, not a planned attempt by an organisation.

She was probably going out of her mind right now, freaking out over where he was and who had taken him. He hoped that they didn’t follow the guy from October around too much; it _was_ a one-time thing after all. Besides, Ciel was pretty positive that that guy was still behind bars. Apparently, he was such a low-life that he didn’t even have enough money or resources to make bond. There had been something cliché about Ciel making cuts to a failing factory or whatever, but that was slippery at best. Ciel rarely made cuts, and he normally went to investigate himself if he did- heavily sedated to and from, of course. He definitely hadn’t made a move against the factory in New York.

So, he had to spend whatever time he had next with his kidnapper asking about motive. Even if it had seemed to be fake, he’d sounded pretty bent out of shape at the idea of killing Ciel, and he’d even brought him food when he was making rounds killing everyone. Perhaps this was a ransom deal, and he wanted Ciel alive for pictures and all that? It made sense, but it made Ciel’s skin crawl to imagine Aunt Ann paying this freak _anything_. He hoped that this guy took videos so he could scold Ann himself if she even thought of sending a penny to this freak. 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Diedrich was tired. His hand was barely keeping his head up on the arm on the chair they’d found for him. His eyes were drooping over half of his eyes, and he knew that he would be lucky if he made it another hour like this. The coffee in the waiting room and even near Ann’s office was shitty at best- _Sorry, sir, but when we cut the budget, we cut the quality coffee we buy for the staff_ \- and he didn’t have the heart to send Finny to the nearest Starbucks to grab him something.

But he was _tired_. He was tired of officer after officer walking up to him and asking him when Ann would be awake. He was tired of seeing Bard and Mey try to be strong when they rotated just for the sake of maintaining some sort of front. He was tired of seeing Finny’s eyes all puffy and red, even if his pale face was set in the most serious and determined look he’d seen the young man have throughout his entire employment. He was tired of seeing the lines in Tanaka’s face seem to get deeper and deeper as each hour passed.

He was tired of looking down at Ann’s face and seeing not even an eyelid flicker as she continued to sleep.

He looked up as he saw Ciel’s face on the television, and a tired sigh came out as he sat up again, trying to pay attention to what “information” they had now. The news stations had been informed about the _Orphaned Heir Disappearance_ for over a day now, and it had naturally been that damn news station that had broken story not even four hours after Ciel had been taken away. Even if Angela Blanc hadn’t been on-screen herself, something told Diedrich that she was smirking behind the camera the entire time. No doubt, she had felt especially happy that the teen had disappeared and _her_ station was the first to find out.

It appeared that they still didn’t have any leads from their _anonymous tips_ , and the police were doing their job in terms of keeping it under wraps, something the reporters hounding the officers seemed to get more and more agitated about. Almost as if it was a huge surprise that the cops wouldn’t want to broadcast how close they were to catching the guy. Diedrich snorted; honestly, it’s like some of these people didn’t have a brain.

At least Detective Abberline was keeping him up to date on everything that they found. Holy water, while cheap, wasn’t something that one could buy at every little retail store in the area. He had said something about tracking down which store it had come from, especially since it didn’t have a barcode or anything. Something about a little Wiccan shop downtown that sells just about anything one would need for whatever ritual they were practicing.

Sebastian had been the one to confirm that the ritual was definitely a cleansing ritual- something about purifying a soul from its connection to a demon through a contract. The teacher had mentioned that whoever had looked it up had obviously dug deep into the web for it or had purchased some obscure book, since he’d looked through at least four Google search pages for anything that was close. Abberline had been even keener to check out the Wiccan shop, in case the book was sold there and could also point them in the right direction.

All in all, on that front they were making progress, but it seemed they were putting together middle pieces of this puzzle rather than the corners or even the edges. All of it was just blurry colours that might eventually form a picture but currently just made Diedrich’s head spin. As frustrated as he was, he knew that it couldn’t compare to how Abberline and Sebastian were feeling, both of whom hadn’t slept a wink since starting their investigation.

Finny walked into the room, his eyes firmly on the floor as he closed the door behind him. It was obvious that he’d been crying again and didn’t want Diedrich to know, so the psychologist stood and clapped his hands on the blonde’s shoulders in an attempt to get his attention. Finally, turquoise eyes met his, still red and watery. His lip quivered horribly, and it took everything in Diedrich not to just hug him and feed him empty promises. He won’t deny that he’s not a sweet person, but it made him feel just cold to see such a normally happy person brought so low.

Finally, after a few moments, Finny whispered, “The Midfords are here. Frances wants to talk to you right now.”

All of the sudden, Finny crying made perfect sense. “Shit,” Dee grumbled, letting go of the gardener so he could run a hand down his face. He took a step back and pointed with his head at Ann. “Watch over her for me. Any change, and I want to be notified.”

“If she hospitalises you, I’ll put in a word with the nurses to let you stay in this room,” Finny offered, his lips curving up ever so slightly, a ghost of his normal grin.

It only grew when Diedrich left the room with both middle fingers up.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The room that they’d rented in an attempt to keep this on the down-low had been compromised. He knew that the moment he saw the white van parked outside and a man just sitting in the driver’s seat with a newspaper. Honestly, did they think that he was an idiot who couldn’t tell the difference between a normal guy and a reporter?

So, rather than pull up to the front entrance like they expected him to, he decided to take advantage of the valet parking that came with a semi-spiffy hotel such as the one that Sebastian had recommended. The young woman that met them at the curb smiled and accepted the keys that Abberline handed her, as well as the suggestion that they send out a security guard to the creep sitting outside. When Sebastian handed her a fifty as a tip for her discretion, she mentioned something about a stairwell just inside the door there being great for avoiding the crowds in the lobby and got in the car to drive it off.

Their room was on the fifth floor, a somewhat lavish two-bed ordeal with two desks that had been squeezed into the space between the bathroom wall and the television set. Sebastian immediately went to the desk that had all their current information on it, added a small post-it note to the corkboard above it. Fred watched him bleakly, knowing that the hard line the teacher’s mouth was pressed in probably wouldn’t go back to its normal smile until Ciel was safe again. 

However, it seemed that they would quirk ever-so-slightly up when red eyes found the picture of Ciel that lay at the centre of it all. Even if Fred hadn’t been so sure about how comfortable he was with the relationship, it was quite obvious that the teacher cared a lot about his boyfriend and was devastated about everything that was happening. Abberline hadn’t seen someone so blindly dedicated to digging up every available piece of information since his own days as a rookie, working under Detective Randall. It was almost painful to watch, but Fred didn’t have it in him to protest.

He had found out about the two of them being in a relationship during the ride back from the ambulance. They had been discussing the dream Ciel had had the night before his disappearance, and Sebastian had let slip that Ciel had panicked in sexual situations. At first he had tried to play it off as a guess based off a panic attack in October, but Abberline hadn’t joined the force yesterday. After some digging and the low-blow of threatening to leave Sebastian out of the investigation, the teacher had come clean and given Abberline what could only be the bare bones of their relationship. However, it was easy to see that Ciel and Sebastian’s relationship was so much more than what Sebastian had watered it down to be. At least in the teacher’s eyes, it was something close to how Fred and Maria felt about each other, and that was the sole reason why he hadn’t told the man to go with the other servants and wait at the hospital. 

Even if it meant watching Sebastian work through the night the third time in a row. Even if it meant that the man decided to skip meals with Abberline in favour of pouring over what information they had on his side of the table instead. Even if it meant that the dark circles under his eyes got darker and darker almost every hour. It was nearly impossible to remember the suave teacher that had smiled and looked unbreakable at Ciel’s side.

Fred opened the fridge and offered a sandwich to the teacher for the third time that day, only to be denied like he had at breakfast and lunch. It was sad, since they were Maria’s best sandwiches that were packed with as much protein and complex carbohydrates as possible to ensure that her husband and his partner kept going for as long as possible. She had made a week’s worth, making sure to include small things such as apple slices and even a bowl of cut salad for them to share with their lunches. She had all of it down to a science after years of sending Fred off to stake-outs and despairing over how terribly he ate while he didn’t have her steering him in the right direction.

Sebastian paid him no mind as the inspector sat at the tiny table near the window and enjoyed the fruits of his wife’s labour. God, this was the benefit of marrying a woman who’d gotten a culinary degree, even if it meant that he lost her a few nights a week as she stayed late at the restaurant she owned. Still, when Maria made a sandwich to fill you up, it filled you up. He left his hot potato out, in case Sebastian came over to mindlessly eat.

“We’re missing something,” the teacher murmured after Abberline had popped the last corner of crust into his mouth. “There’s something that’s really important, but I can’t remember what it is.” He was looking over the list that Fred had compiled of all the people who had tried to kidnap Ciel before. They’d even dug up some that had happened before the Phantomhives’ death, but all of them had an airtight alibi. Some were in prison for petty crimes; others had righted themselves and were at home with family or friends to celebrate the New Year. Naturally, they’d included the ones that hadn’t succeed in their attempt for another reason, but Abberline had made an _X_ by their name that signified that one of the servants had decided that waiting for a police officer would take too long and had “taken care of” the intruder.

“We’ve looked over that list a thousand times,” Abberline assured him. “If we missed someone, it was because none of us- not even Tanaka- remembered them trying to take Ciel.” He slid the potato across the table. “Sebastian, eat. You’re not helping Ciel by starving yourself and avoiding sleep.” Red eyes glared at him, and a shiver went up Fred’s spine. However, he refused to be intimidated. “Yeah, shit, who am I kidding? I mean, I just figured that you would want to be the first one to Ciel when we find him, but I’m sure that you can just as easily see him when he comes to visit you and Dr. Durless at the hospital. They may even put the two of you in the same room to save him having to walk too much, but that’s assuming you’re even awake and coherent when we find him.” He matched the glare with a raised eyebrow. “You know, you’re a lot more attractive when you’re not half dead from hunger and sleep deprivation.”

The teacher probably lasted another minute of glaring before he closed his eyes and visibly deflated. He collapsed on the bed that was technically his but hadn’t been slept in once, running a hand down his face and then using it to prop up his chin. He stared ahead at the picture of Ciel for a few moments before murmuring, “He’d probably hit me if I worked until I collapsed. I spent so many nights trying to get him to settle down to bed- even before we started dating- that he’d just say that he was knocking the hypocrite out of me.”

Fred smiled a bit. “Yes, that sounds like Ciel. The only person who’s allowed to be a hypocrite is him, and he’ll be sure to remind you of that at every opportunity.” He went over to the fridge and pulled out a sandwich. “Eat this, and get some sleep. I’ll look over everything while you do and see if I can’t find what you think is missing.” He had to fight the noise of triumph that nearly rose out of him when Sebastian took the sandwich and nodded.

Honestly, he had to agree with Sebastian. There was _something_ they were missing. Some great motive that would convince an ambulance driver to take his very injured patient to the edge of town and then be murdered in what seemed to be a deal gone bad. The fact of the matter was that whoever it was had to be really great at thinking on his feet or had to be lying in wait for the moment when someone from Phantomhive manor called an ambulance. Beyond that, more questions arose. Was it for money or personal? Was the driver hired by the person who killed him and took Ciel, or were they friends? Fred didn’t like there to be so many different avenues for this case to be down, especially since missing person cases were harder and harder to solve the more time goes on.

His only solace was that he had the city practically locked down; no one goes in or out without as thorough a search as legally possible. However, he did have to deal with people stepping forward with false information because they heard somewhere that there was a reward set forth. Fred didn’t doubt that Ann would set up a reward if she were awake. But she wasn’t, and Diedrich had frowned at the idea of using the Phantomhive funds without being able to ask either one, especially if there was a risk it would make finding Ciel harder.

Sebastian finished his sandwich and started on the soup, pausing long enough to say in an embarrassed voice, “Your wife is good at this.”

Fred couldn’t help the grin that rose at the mere mention of Maria. “Well, she knows that we need to be in top shape when we find Ciel.” Because they would find him, and there was no one who had less doubt of that than Maria.

He glanced over at Sebastian, and he caught just the last bit of the teacher mouthing a word. If he had to bet, Fred would guess it was Ciel’s name, the word seeming to breathe more life into those red eyes than any scrap of information that they had unearthed in the last few days.

Before he could ask about it, however, the phone on the table between their beds rang, startling them both, but Abberline was closer. He picked up the phone and barked, “What is it?” Immediately, he felt guilty, and the image of Diedrich popped in his head without permission.

“Hello, Detective Abberline?” It was the man at the front desk, and the fact that he had used his name meant that someone from the station or one of the servants from the Phantomhive household must be in front of him. Sebastian had made sure to take them off the registry so that the press couldn’t find their information. While numerous reporters no doubt knew which hotel they were at, their room number would be hidden under lock and key, and only a few selected parties would be allowed to come to their room.

“Yes, is there someone downstairs for me?” He noticed that, while his pace had slowed, Sebastian thankfully had continued to eat his sandwich. Hopefully, whoever it was didn’t need them so urgently that the man couldn’t get any rest.

“There’s an officer from the station, and he says that he could have a lead in the case.” There was a pause. “Should I send him up?”

“No, we’ll be down in a moment. Thank you.” After a confirmation from the man at the desk, he hung up, locking eyes with Sebastian. “They said there may be a lead. Grab your coat since we may need to leave.”

Again, thank the Lord, Sebastian decided to shove the rest of the sandwich in his mouth as he stood and grabbed his coat off the back of the desk chair. Although this meant that they probably would be up and out again, a break in the case was better than a break for sleep, especially if it brought them a step closer to Ciel.

They made their way down, choosing the stairs over the elevator. He wasn’t sure about Sebastian, but anxious energy was beginning to course through his veins, and he needed some way to expel it. So, a minute or so later, he was crossing the lobby to see one of the younger officers from the station fidgeting near the desk.

“Greenhill, follow us,” he called, heading towards one of the conference rooms on the first floor that security had guaranteed would be bug-free. The officer quickly tagged on behind Sebastian and Fred closed the door behind the three of them. After a quick glance out the small window, he took up a position by the door to keep an eye out for eavesdroppers.

“What do you have?” Sebastian asked, his voice eager enough for his eyes to brighten some more. “Anything major?”

“Well, we discovered that there had been some… discrepancies in the status of this man.” He opened his folder file, and the man who had tried to kidnap Ciel in October glared up at them. “Naturally, we looked for him immediately when Mr. Phantomhive went missing, and the station was assured that he was still locked up behind bars.”

Fred scowled. “Is that no longer the case?” he asked, voice rising in a clear warning that he was in no mood for cliff-hangers. Greenhill nodded. “It is the case?”

“No, he’s no longer in jail.” His green eyes were wide in obvious shock. “We received notice about three hours ago that someone had posted bail for him and the security guards who were confirming his presence were negligent.” 

“You mean he’s out there somewhere?” Abberline demanded. “Did you go down to the jailhouse to check yourself?” Greenhill nodded, and it was good to not only see fear but also rage in the young man’s eyes.

“I don’t understand,” Sebastian said, his voice calm but unnaturally low. “How can they hide the fact that he just… wasn’t _there_?”

“Unfortunately, money is very good at keeping people from speaking up. The only reason we caught on was because a new guy came in and noticed that the guards were marking for an inmate that wasn’t there.” Greenhill shook his head, the rage taking over a bit more than the fear. “The more inmates they have, the more money they get from the city. If someone with money bails out someone and tells them they’ll get paid twice for their trouble, the bastards will keep their mouths shut.”

“So, he’s out free, the last man who tried to kidnap Ciel?” Sebastian crossed his arms over his chest. “Do you have any ideas where he could be?”

“We contacted some people we know are willing to rent apartments and homes to criminals or people who are at least in the process of being convicted. One of them admits to renting a small house on the edge of town to a man matching his description. Unfortunately, he used an alias and must have gained a couple shiners when he was locked up, so we can’t be sure.” Greenhill shuffled on his feet, eyes on Abberline. “He’s been out for about a month now.”

“You are kidding me,” Fred seethed, but he tried to supress his anger, knowing that he needed a clear head when he proceeded. “Do we have a warrant to enter his home?”

Greenhill’s lips tightened, and he said, “Yeah, as long as the judge approves it. I sent it to him maybe half an hour ago, before I came over to talk to you.”

Unbelievably, a smile snuck up on him. “Oh, he’ll approve it, even if it means I have to camp outside his office until he does.”

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ciel was crying. He could hear it loud and clear over the speakers, and he hurried over to the monitor to check on the poor boy. The sound tore at his heart, even after hearing it for so long in the ambulance, dashing his hopes that this transition would be easy for him.

The transition was necessary, though. He needed Ciel to have a chance to abandon his demon, to give in and be cleansed without a fight. The entire process would be more beneficial if he accepted at the evil being that he had started to care for was in fact poison.

Sebastian- the name was too disgusting for him to even get out, but he knew the name. He’d heard it fall from Ciel’s lips in almost a fevered cadence, night and day. In the ambulance, Ash had hoped that the boy could be cleansed, but his connection to the demon proved to be too great. With each hour, as he saw the fight grow stronger, he knew that Ciel would not renounce his sins so easily. He carried his pride around as armour, and his lust and greed were beginning to rot him to the core. No, the transition wouldn’t be easy, but to Ash, that didn’t matter.

Because he refused to let the demon win. If Ciel couldn’t see for himself how disastrous his sins were, Ash would teach him to fear these sins, one by one. It would hurt him to hurt his precious boy, but if it meant that they could both be saved, all pain is worth it in the end.

Even death was worth it, in the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit. I'm back! Whoa!
> 
> I actually had hoped to update this on the anniversary of the fic, but things are super crazy in my life right now. 
> 
> A brief summary of my life for the last... year? I started college, had several depressive episodes, lots of anxiety problems, and family stuff out the wazoo. It's been nuts. I won't bore you guys with all the details, but I've been pulling myself back up and read this super sweet comment on Just Breathe and was like, "Come Hell or high water, I will pull myself out of this damn funk." So I did. I drank lots of tea, listened to my playlist for writing this story over and over and re-read all of Just Breathe. I'm sorry if I am screwing up the characters a bit in the renewal as I try to rediscover how I wrote them again.
> 
> When I plotted out Just Breathe over a year ago, I estimated that it would be roughly... twenty-four chapters? So, there we are. Since I'm updating this chapter and I'm not sure how the comments will be affected, just know that I screen-capped all of them because I love your comments.
> 
> Thank you all SO MUCH for your patience, and let's look forwards to Chapter Twenty-One, eh?
> 
> (also, I haven't talked to my beta in a bit, so sorry if there are mistakes)


	21. A Failed Escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone moves forwards, and someone moves back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS A LEGITIMATE WARNING!!!
> 
> There is a brief but very real moment of non-consensual touching in this chapter, and I really don't wanna trigger anyone. I tried to avoid making it too explicit, but I can understand that these things affect people in different ways. If you wanna avoid the bit, stop where Ash throws Ciel on the bed and go down to the next point-of-view with the normal "xxx" bit.
> 
> I can offer a brief summary of the incident if you would prefer.

“Diedrich, I know that you of all people are typically able to control yourself in these situations.” Her blonde eyebrow was raised, and he saw a muscle in her eye twitching. “So if you are this disheveled then things must be worse than I thought.”

Frances Midford was possibly the scariest person he had ever met. Posture impeccable, make-up highlighting her natural facial features and adding a razor edge to already sharp eyes that cut into anyone she locked eyes with. He had seen her smile perhaps four times in the twenty-five years he’d known her- when her two children were born, when Ciel was born, and when she had first seen Ciel alive at the hospital. She was Vincent’s younger sister and shared his incredible intelligence. Beyond that, she had mastered several forms of martial art and had taught both of her children to fence. Diedrich would be lying, however, if he said he hadn’t had a crush on her when they were all in school. However, she had married a man named Alexis- someone she had met while working in the police force.

Yes, Frances was the chief of police in the city and did a damn fine job of it.

However, she wasn’t all sharp edges and frowns. As Diedrich could see, she was very obviously worried for Ciel. Her blue eyes were sharp, but the normally perfect bun that tied all her blonde hair in place and out of the way was drooping- the Frances equivalent of bags under the eyes and wrinkled clothing. Despite her strict appearance, she had her hand on Lizzy’s shoulder, holding her daughter close in case Lizzy should need her support.

Lizzy was in tears and no doubt had been since she’d first heard of the tragedy that had been all of their lives these past few days. Even though she and Ciel had grown apart since the accident and his subsequent isolation, the two of them were fierce friends, and she had to be just as shaken up by everything as she had been when Ciel was ten.

“Ann is out of the woods. The doctors say that they’ll be able to wake her up to get a better idea of the brain damage within the next thirty-six hours or so. She’ll need extensive physical therapy for at least a year, and they’ll need to keep her in the hospital for several weeks anyways. During the accident, one of her lungs was punctured. Thankfully, it didn’t collapse, but it’ll take quite some time to heal.”

“And Ciel? Does Abberline or Mr. Michaelis have any news on what happened to him?” she asked, flickering her eyes behind the psychologist to look at Ann herself. “Your gardener told me about Ciel and the teacher’s relationship.” 

_Probably after a brutal interrogation from you_ , Diedrich thought blandly but didn’t say as much out loud. “I know that you don’t approve of relationships like this-”

“I don’t?” she asked, voice dangerously curious. “That’s news to me.”

Diedrich scowled. “I know you, Frances. Isn’t your motto, ‘If you have to hide it, you shouldn’t be doing it?’” Her eyes widened ever so slightly, but he knew that it was a warning rather than because he had shocked her.

“It is, but I’m also not an idiot, Diedrich. I understand that Ciel isn’t the type to trust anyone easily. However, if Finnian is to be believed, Ciel fell in love with this man despite even his own wishes, let alone the teacher’s.” Finny nodded, and she smirked. “Fortunately, Ciel is more like me than he or anyone imagines, but I know him well enough to know that he wouldn’t even develop a crush on anyone who wasn’t worthy of him.” She narrowed her eyes at Diedrich. “Teacher or not.”

“Excuse me.” Ann’s doctor had approached at some point, a surgeon that Diedrich couldn’t remember the name of. “I just wanted to let you all know that Ms. Durless will probably be awake within the next hour or so. I think it would be best for her to wake up surrounded by people that she knows.”

“Of course.” Frances let go of her daughter. “Elizabeth, should we go sit with your aunt?” At Lizzy’s nod, they stepped around Diedrich to enter Ann’s room. Not wanting to throw Ann to the wolves, the psychologist followed but closed the doors so all the servants were watching the door. 

Looking at Ann still made his heart ache. It had only been days since he’d last seen her eyes, but even that brief amount of time made him feel like shit. He had no idea how she would be reacting to the knowledge that Ciel was missing, but part of him believes that she would have joined Abberline with Sebastian. At the very least, she would smile for him, and they would only have to deal with one crisis at a time.

He sat down beside her, avoiding touching her so Frances wouldn’t catch on that the two of them had moved past their mutual dislike for each other. Even with how close Lizzy and Ciel was, the Midford matriarch rarely saw Ciel, let alone Ann or Diedrich, but she had been there for a few of their legendary battles over the years. He could remember one year, for Ciel’s birthday, the Midford clan had stopped by just in time to see Ann slap Diedrich across the face. He forgot what had been the cause of the argument- undoubtedly Ciel and his treatment in some shape or form- but remembered Frances threatening to break his arm if he hit Ann in return. She then yanked on Ann’s hair like the doctor was one of her children and dragged her back to the table and dinner. It had made Ciel smile, at the very least.

Still, Frances was also the younger sister of his best friend. He and Mole had teased her relentlessly until she got to high school, started Brazilian jiu-jitsu, and kicked her brother’s ass. After that, showing weakness was like inviting Frances to exploit it. Unfortunately, it wasn’t until Mole left home and started college that she grew out of it and their relationship stopped being so volatile. However, it was still ingrained in Diedrich not to show weakness, even if that weakness was Ann.

Besides, he was still worried that people wouldn’t approve of their relationship. Taking care of Ciel was paramount and anything that could distract from or hinder that would only earn Frances’s disgust. Ciel, thankfully, was fine with it, so perhaps he could use that to-

“I think it’s cute that you and Aunt Ann are together,” Lizzy said with a small smile. “Both of you have spent so much of your lives looking after others that it was about time for you two to find happiness for yourselves.”

Diedrich looked up in shock, only to see Frances nodding in agreement. “Yes, I was worried when I met you that you would die alone, and Ann always made me nervous that she would let Ciel and her work keep her from finding love for herself.”

“Love?” The psychologist frowned slightly, looking down at Ann. “We’re very close, and I’ve managed to calm down enough for her to not hate me as much as she did. The fact that she even likes me is a fluke.” Diedrich shook his head. “I’m not even sure if _I_ love her yet. I care for her… a lot.”

Lizzy, however, wasn’t convinced. He saw just the slightest bit of spark in her eyes as she said. “Nuh-uh. You can’t trick us, Diedrich. You look at Aunt Ann the way Uncle Vincent would look at Aunt Rachel, or the way Dad and Mom look at each other. You love her.” She leaned across the bed a bit. “And she loves you,” she stage-whispered, hiding her lips from her mother as if that would keep Frances from hearing her.

Heat rose up Diedrich’s neck and boiled the blood under his cheeks. He looked down at his lap in an attempt to hide it, but from the way his ears were burning, he doubted he had much luck. However, before he could respond to that, his phone began buzzing in his pocket.

Pulling it out, he saw Sebastian’s name scrolling along the top of the screen. When he answered with a brisk, “Hello?” he was met with a small hiss.

“It’s the fucking ambulance driver from October. He’s out on bond and they neglected to let anyone at the station know. We thought he was behind bars but he’s fucking out there.”

“The one who tried to kidnap Ciel last year?” Diedrich stood and paced to the end of the bed. “How the hell did that happen? I thought the jail and station shared information.”

“Apparently there was someone else that was bribing to guards to keep quiet about it. They even were marking him down as being there so they could collect the funds from the state for him.” 

“What the hell?” he growled, and a sharp pain in his palm told him that he was clenching his fist. “I hope they caught guards who were lying. So, how long has he been out?”

“A month.”

“A month?!” At Frances’s look, he forced himself to calm down, lest he wake up Ann before she was supposed to. “This freak has been out for a month, and they just now found out?”

Sebastian hummed. “Apparently, and Abberline in pissed.” And Frances will be too, when he tells her. “We’re currently waiting on the warrant to come back so we can check his last place of residence, but, with luck, we’ll find this bastard soon.”

“When will the warrant get there?” He saw the Midfords’ questions in their eyes and raised a finger to assure them that he would catch them up in a minute. “Do you think it’s him?”

“He’s involved. There’s no way around that. However, I doubt he’s alone.” Sebastian exhaled sharply. “Abberline thinks this is probably bigger than we know right now. Someone knows enough to have tipped off the media, and someone has to have enough money to post his bail and to pay off the guards. Still, if anyone has Ciel, this guy will lead us to him.”

“Well, get the hell off the phone with me and go find this asshole.”

“Got it.” He heard the line beep to tell him that Sebastian had hung up, and immediately locked his phone. Frances pursed her lips at him to let Diedrich know that not letting her know during the phone call or- God forbid- putting Sebastian on speaker had pissed her off.

But it was Lizzy that spoke first. “It’s the man who tried to take Ciel in October? He’s free?”

Diedrich nodded. “Apparently someone posted his bail and then paid off the guards in prison to keep quiet about the fact that he was gone. He’s been gone for about a month. Once Abberline can get the warrant from the judge, then they’re going to search this guy’s house.”

“Wasn’t the man who tried to abduct Ciel in October an ambulance driver?” Frances asked. “So perhaps it was him that the original ambulance driver met on the outskirts of town? They might have met each other through work.”

“I doubt a normal EMT earns enough to stage all this.” Diedrich sat down again and dragged a hand down his face to try and wipe away the exhaustion. “From what Sebastian says, it’s likely this guy has some sort of sponsor who’s helping him.”

Frances nodded, and she seemed to draw into herself, thinking. “There’s several people who would benefit from Ciel being kidnapped, even killed.” She looked down at Ann. “From opponents of Funtom to some of the board members that would lose their power once he takes over completely. Even now, most of the publicity of Funtom’s is for Ciel rather than any of the other major executives. People want to know Ciel, since they know that he’ll be the only one with power once he gets his degree and dissolves the board.”

“Has he decided to dissolve the board?” Lizzy asked, her eyebrows raising high enough that they disappeared behind her bands.

Frances nodded. “It was something that even Vincent knew he would do. In his will, my brother says that a board will only look over the company until Ciel gets his degree and then they go back to having minor positions in the company.” At her daughter’s confused look, she shrugged. “It would be the perfect excuse for trying to get rid him.”

“It would be the preferable reason.” Diedrich frowned, not meeting Frances’s eyes. “We still don’t know why he really tried to kidnap Ciel in October. I would rather him be someone who was hired rather than someone who has something personal against Ciel. After all, if someone else wants him, they would probably want him alive and unharmed, but if it’s something personal then they’ll start immediately.”

“So, do you think Ciel is okay?” Lizzy sounded so hopeful. “I mean, you and the servants were some of the last ones with him; what frame of mind was he in before he got in the ambulance?”

She made sense. After all, the more coherent Ciel was before he was taken, the better he would do in captivity. For as bright a boy as Ciel was, he could escape a locked room or steal a phone; he could plan. However, if he was not together, then his risk of being self-sufficient in his escape went down drastically.

Unfortunately, it was more likely that Ciel was not himself. “He was… bad. He was dissociating and harming himself as a nervous tick. I haven’t seen him that bad off since he was ten, and I don’t know how long it might have taken him to calm down. Part of me is worried that he never did calm down and he’s still having a panic attack.”

“Would they sedate him then- to make sure he doesn’t hurt himself?” Diedrich nodded, and he felt like shit seeing Lizzy’s expression fall. “So the chances that he could free himself are slim.”

“That’s why the police and Sebastian are looking for him.” Frances nodded curtly, thanking him for the quick thinking. They both knew that Lizzy trusted the police force’s abilities immensely, especially since almost every officer had spent a month working with Frances. “As soon as they get the warrant, they’ll storm the place. They’ll find Ciel, bring him home, and everything will be fine.”

She nodded, a little bit of spark twinkling back in her eyes. “And Aunt Ann will wake up?”

“Aunt Ann will wake up,” he promised her. 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The tray wasn’t very heavy in his hands, but he wasn’t weak either. His hope was that he could get enough of a swing to knock the guy away from the door. However, it had been over two hours since the guy had even come towards the door.

Those two hours had been spent stewing. Ciel still hated small spaces, and the idea that this asshole had trapped him in some sort of creepy, white room pissed him off even more. He still hadn’t touched the food that had been on the tray, but he was too nervous to eat. His chest didn’t hurt as much anymore, and he thankfully was able to adjust the gauze around his torso so it wasn’t so tight.

There had been movement in the house however. No doubt the ambulance driver was trying to hide the bodies in case the police showed up. After all, he had no doubt that they would start going door to door if they couldn’t find him soon, and Aunt Ann would spare no expense. All the man power available would be utilised and that would be that. Part of him was tempted to wait until they showed up, but there was no guarantee that they would find him. After all, he had no idea what the house looked like on the other side of the door. He could be hidden perfectly. Until he had more of an idea what this man wanted from him, he had no idea how much potential prep time had gone into this. Perhaps a week? A month? Maybe even years. Until he knew, it wasn’t safe to make any assumptions.

Even if he didn’t succeed in escaping, just getting an idea of what he was working with would help tremendously.

He heard footsteps and positioned himself so that he would be hidden when the door opened. Undoubtedly, the man was planning on checking why his cameras were no longer working, and Ciel readied his weapon to smash on his head.

Yes, he’d found the four cameras, using the time when he heard the man moving around to cover or disable each one. Technology wasn’t his strongest suit, but they were either small enough to wrap a ripped-up bit of his shirt around or just smash with the lamp. He had heard the little whir after he’d calmed down a bit, and the idea that this freak had heard him crying had ignited a rage in him. It had been when he’d decided that he wouldn’t be a passive prisoner.

The door opened, and the man stepped into the room. Seeing his chance, Ciel swing at the man’s head, putting all his strength behind it. Not wasting a moment when the white-haired freak collapsed, he brought the tray down again and then bolted.

He was in a hallway immediately. He spared a moment to look around and saw a window immediately. A chance. He had a chance to get out. Dropping the tray, he ran for it. It was still dark outside, but he could see streetlights, and he used that light to search for a way to open it. His fingers scrambled around a window lock, and he shoved it into the opposite position, feeling the window pop to let him know it was unlocked. He tugged on it.

However, he felt fingers tighten around his sides, and he was pulled backwards. His hand managed to stay on the window, and it opened as he pulled on it. Even though he could feel the freak trying to reach around him to close it, Ciel shoved his elbow into the man, grinning when he heard him wheeze and those hands faltered on him.

“Help me!” he screamed, his throat hurting with the volume of it, but this was his shot. “Someone help! I’ve been kidnapped!” He heard a dog begin to bark and started to yell louder. “Help me! Get me away from this freak! Get me a- _oof_.”

He was thrown backwards, and he hit his head against the wall. He managed to lift his head up enough to see the man snap the window closed and lock it again. His violet eyes glared back at Ciel, and the teen tried to get up and run for the front door, wherever it was. However, the fall had winded him, and the pain in his chest was back to couple with the pain in his head. He groaned.

The ambulance driver’s hands fell on him again, and this time he was being picked up. He tried to fight him off, but Ciel’s muscles were refusing to cooperate. He felt woozy again, and all his hits reflected that, batting off the man’s shoulders like a tired toddler’s. He’d say that it was like he was intoxicated, but he was sure a drunk person’s punches would be better. The man only growled softly.

He was placed back on the bed, but the hands didn’t let go of him.

Ciel glared up at him. “I’m already back in the fucking room. Let me go! You have what you…” Those violet eyes were wide but not looking at his face. Instead, they were focused on the man’s own hands. “What the hell? Release me, you fucking freak!” He swung his arm, but then those hands moved.

And they moved under his shirt.

“No, what the hell?” Ciel tried to scramble back on the bed, but suddenly the man surged forward and pressed his lips against Ciel’s. He struggled immediately, kicking and shoving at the man’s chest.

Then the man settled his weight on Ciel, a hand coming up to cup the teen’s cheek and force their lips closer together. The other hand played with the skin on his stomach, and Ciel instantly put two and two together.

This was the man from his nightmare. The same man who had raped him when he was ten now had his hands on him. He had orchestrated all of this to steal Ciel again, but this time he wasn’t going to give Ciel up.

The thought made him sick, and he forced his lips away as bile rose up his throat. With a splutter, he threw up, coughing and cringing as it made his growing headache that much worse. Every thought of the man’s hands and mouth on him from the nightmare made him sick again, and he eventually just started to dry heave.

However, the man hadn’t stopped touching him. “You’re just like how I remembered,” he whispered, and the sound of his reverent voice made tears spring up in the teen’s eyes. His voice didn’t sound like Sebastian when he was touching Ciel; this man sounded fucking sick. “You’re just as skinny; your skin is just as soft.”

His fingers started to creep down to Ciel’s pants, and a wave of terror gripped him. “No, stop! Don’t touch me! _Don’t touch me_!”

“Shh, I know the demon has twisted your mind, but this is okay. This is how it’s supposed to-”

Ciel swung out his foot, hands slapping at whatever bit of the man’s head as possible. “Get the fuck off of me! I don’t want you to touch me!” His eyes were burning, and he was sure that he was crying. From the way he was shuddering, sobbing would probably be more accurate, and he began to scream.

_I won’t let anyone hurt you again. Just call my name._

“Sebastian!” he screamed. The logical side of him knew that just shouting for his teacher know wouldn’t help, but he shoved it away. “Sebastian, help me! Sebastian!”

He heard the man growl. “Don’t say his name. He’s not here; I’m here.”

But that just made it worse, and the idea that he was stuck with this monster just made him scream louder. “Sebastian! Save me! He’s hurting me, and you promised! You _promised_.”

“Stop it, I said!” The ambulance driver shook Ciel, the reverence gone and starting to slip towards icy hatred. “You don’t need that demon! Don’t you understand that he’s the reason you’re here? He’s twisted you!”

Ciel shrieked and thrashed again. “No, no, no!” 

“Fine!” The man dropped him and slid off the bed. “Fine, if your precious Sebastian is who you want to worship, then perhaps you should.” He glared down at Ciel and sneered, “Might as well fast while you’re at it, if you desire to be closer to him.”

Even as the word _fast_ caught up to him, Ciel didn’t care. All he cared about was that he was free from that awful man’s hands. He wasn’t going to be raped again, and it was because he had called for Sebastian.

So even when the man left, leaving Ciel alone and sobbing with relief in a room that smelt of sick, he was glad.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ash stalked out of the door and slammed it shut, making sure to secure each lock. He could still hear the damn dog barking, and he knew that Ciel’s shouting had ruined this place for them. Even though it had been his boy who had woken the neighbourhood up, he knew that it had been partially his fault for underestimating what evils the demon had taught him.

Deception. Violence. The sweet child he had known all those years ago had not been capable of these acts. He should have remembered how Ciel had come back into his life in October- running away from home and no doubt propelled to do so by the damned being that led him away from his place of safety.

He heard a raspy chuckle and turned towards the room down the hall. He had pulled his… _esteemed_ partner there soon after shooting him, but apparently his knowledge of the best place to shoot someone to ensure they bled out in a timely manner was rusty. That was understandable, since he had spent most of his time the last few years trying to stop bleeding than cause it.

He entered the room and saw that, yes, the man was still alive, if just barely. He sneered as he snapped, “What?”

“For someone who tries to avoid sin,” came the chuckling response, “you sure are full of a lot of _wrath_ right now.”

“You have no ground to stand on when it comes to sin. You’ve spent your entire life full of greed and gluttony, and it had brought your downfall.”

“Well, it seems that your life full of lust has brought yours.” At Ash’s widened eyes, his partner laughed again. “It’s only a matter of time before the police are here. After all, no one on this street wants to be hounded by police when there’s someone else they can point the finger at instead.”

It was true. Everyone in this area had spent time in prison or jail and undoubtedly would be happy to redirect the police if it meant they could avoid someone searching their own home. In fact, he would be surprised if there wasn’t an officer approaching them at the moment.

“We can’t stay here,” Ash murmured, trying to think of all the places he could go that the police wouldn’t think of. “We have to leave.”

“No, stay here,” his partner drawled with a grin. “Might as well give up.”

“Ciel has not yet been cleansed.” He felt rage begin to bubble up at his partner’s obvious ignorance. "Have you not paid attention to anything?”

“All I ever cared about was the money, Ash. You know that. The weird religious stuff was your shtick, not mine.”

“Yes, and I’ll be all the gladder when I no longer have to deal with your greed.”

“You sound ridiculous. Just leave me alone so I can die in peace. I don’t want the last thing I see to be your fucking self-righteous face.”

Ash rolled his eyes but gave the man his wish. After all, he had some packing and cleaning to do. If the police were coming, he couldn’t let them have Ciel until he was clean.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ann woke up around four in the morning. The Midfords had gone back to their house to get some sleep and were planning to be back by six, but Ann always liked to be unexpected.

She mumbled as her eyes blinked open, and Diedrich could have wept at the sight of them after the days without them. He could see the confusion begin to form on her face immediately, and he pushed the nurse call button that was on the side of her bed. Within moments, the RN was at the door and was pulling out her instruments for checking Ann’s vitals.

“Dr. Durless, do you know where you are at the moment?”

Ann’s mouth opened and closed a few times before she wheezed, “Must be the hospital.”

“That’s right, you’re here in the hospital. You were in a terrible accident and was badly injured. Do you remember the accident?”

Ann shook her head and look up at Diedrich, a few tears welling up in her eyes. “Dee, what happened?”

“You’re going to be just fine, Angelina. You have a concussion and some broken bones, but everything’s going to be okay.”

She nodded and closed her eyes, but he felt her fingers touch his, reaching for some form of comfort. He grabbed them and gave her a small squeeze and a smile.

“Am I allowed to sleep a little bit more?” she asked the nurse, who was finishing up taking her stats. After checking her pupils, the woman nodded, and she sighed. “You said that I was injured, but I must be on the good stuff because I don’t feel anything.”

“That’s great, Dr. Durless,” the RN said with a small smile. “You’ll let me know if that changes, right?”

“I have a feeling that if it changes, I won’t have to let you know. You’ll hear it for yourself.”

Another small smile, and they were alone again. Ann still looked pale, but she was starting to gain some colour in her cheeks again. The shock of red hair no longer made her look sick, especially as her red eyes glinted dully under her half-closed lids. He knew that it would be awhile until Ann would be Ann again, but the fact that her smile was starting to spread across her cheeks again filled him with hope.

Not too long afterwards, however, she was asleep again, fingers still wrapped around Diedrich’s. He could feel the nurses on the midnight shift staring at him, well aware that they were either confused about why he was there or feeling sorry for him. Still, Diedrich couldn’t shake the feeling that things were starting to look up. Ann was awake, and maybe that meant that they were all about to wake up from this nightmare.

He looked up to see some sort of paid programming show, one of the ones that play in the wee hours of the morning because that’s the only time they can afford. Currently, it was an in-depth discussion about some sort of heated blanket that could fold into a heated blanket. He stared at it blankly, feeling himself automatically begin to criticise it.

“I wonder how many lawsuits they get because someone set themselves on fire with it. Sure, wear the jacket outside in the snow; see where that gets you. Right here… in the hospital.”

Him and Ann did this when they were all in town last time. They would stay up late sometimes and watch the shitty television and complain about it together, sometimes muting it and adding their own commentary. Naturally, this wasn’t often since they both had to work, whether Ciel was in town or not, but it was still fun to sit in bed with her and be his naturally sarcastic self without having to worry about scaring her off.

_We’ll have to get together and watch a movie_ , he thought with a smile. _Maybe go see something new when there’s hardly anyone in there and then sit near the front. We could be like those_ Mystery Science Theater _movies but rather than finding movies that are bad, we just watch movies and go from there._

“Well, we’re going to have to start doing a lot more things together, Ann, and figure out something to do with the younger ones.” He shrugged and looked at his phone as a text from Sebastian came though. “After all, we’re one big happy family now, and soon this will all be over, if him and Abberline can wrap this up.”

**We’ve got the warrant. We’re heading to his place now.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter is shorter, like the other one, but I'm trying to avoid putting in bullshit. Also, the thing with Ciel was kinda hard for me to write. Personally, non-con situations freak me out trying to write them. Plot-wise, they can be beneficial, but I had some issues in the past with writing it into a story and then readers like... rationalising it? Like they got _me_ to the point of rationalising it. So, even though it was needed because Ash has some serious problemos, I really just flimsied through it. 
> 
> As someone who doesn't have a lot of experience with the police beyond Law and Order sometimes, I have no idea how long it takes a warrant to go through, but I imagine that getting a judge to come in on the off-hours is hard. Also, red tape is a bitch, ya know?
> 
> Thank you so much for the sweet comments on the last chapter. I'm working my way to them, but this summer is shaping up to be a busy one. XD That's also why this one was more than two weeks out. 
> 
> The next one will hopefully be much longer because there's mucho plot! Lots of plots and stuff.


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